Shakesville

Today in Rape Culture

[Trigger warning.]

Shaker clairedammit sends this emblematic example of how casually the rape culture permeates our culture in a million little ways every day. This is the first paragraph of a story in the Houston Chronicle on finding the right restaurant for Valentine's Day:

As man has evolved, so have his courtship rituals. Primitive man had it so easy: He simply dragged his woman to his cave with a knock on the head with a rough-hewn club and maybe the promise of a choice hunk of mastodon.

Sounds like someone's been watching Year One.

I just can't get enough of listening to men wax rhapsodic about the good old days when they could just hit women over the head and rape them without fear of consequence.

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Napalmnacey and Lauredhel on the community menace of Driving While Pregnant.

Johnny Depp: Rape Defender

by Shaker mschicklet

[Trigger warning.]

Johnny Depp wants us all to know that Roman Polanski is no longer a threat. You see, Mr. Depp seems to think that Polanski is no longer capable of raping someone, because he is in his 70s and has a wife and children. So, there you go, nothing to worry about. We can all sit back, relax, and join the "Free Polanski" crowd.

Except, wait a minute. The second man who raped me had a wife and children. Every single day, I am blindsided by anxiety attacks brought on by the memory of his scent, his voice, even the sound of his name. Memory is a fickle thing, but I remember what he did to me. He raped me. While he was married. While his two young daughters were sleeping in the next bedroom.

But, Mr. Depp says there's no way a man with a wife and children would do such a thing. No way someone who's married for 20+ years, who kisses his daughters goodnight and tucks them into bed, could possibly rape anyone. So, does that mean my experience means nothing? Does that mean it really didn't happen?

I take issue with the fact that Johnny Depp is using his privilege to minimize and even deny the horrific events that so many victims have been forced to endure. And, after reading the Survivor Thread and listening to the stories of other rape victims in tear-filled counseling groups, I know my story isn't all that rare.

Because, as we've learned, that's the thing about rapists. They rape people. A wedding band doesn't stop them, nor does the fact that they have children. Nor does their age. Denying this, as Mr. Depp is doing, silences rape victims. And, really, haven't victims already been silenced enough?

In addition to trying to be the final word on what a rapist is or is not, Johnny Depp also wants to know why Polanski was arrested. "Why now?" he asks. Why is this coming up now? Because Polanski fled the country for 30 years and refused to serve his time. By asking "Why now?" Mr. Depp is focusing responsibility on the wrong people – the people who want our justice system to do its job. Instead, he should be holding Polanski accountable. Mr. Depp's words absolutely scream, "Poor him! Poor guy! Let him go! Leave him alone!" What sort of a society do we live in if so many people feel the need to defend and protect a rapist? If this isn't rape culture, then I don't know what is.

And ever since the arrest of Polanski, that's what I've seen from such a large portion of Hollywood and society in general. I've seen some of the most respected actors and filmmakers in Hollywood defend someone who doesn't deserve it. Either they deny that he is a rapist, deny that he ever was a rapist, or blame us for not letting the rapist go. I wish Johnny Depp realized that by adding his name to the long list of rape apologists, he not helping the situation – he is hurting so many people who are now faced with the cold truth that one less person is on their side.

It must be nice to live in the fantasy world that Johnny Depp lives in. In fact, I remember when I had similar beliefs. Men with children are safe, I would think to myself, in large part because that's what my mother taught me. It wasn't until I was raped that I finally realized how wrong I had been. But it shouldn't take something like that to "wake us up." We shouldn't have to wake up in the first place.

Assvertising

I stumbled across this little gem (and have you noticed how i am forever "stumbling across" stupid shit in my travels? I'm such a klutz) in some sordid corner of the interweb and just had to share it:

(Click to embiggen.)
In case you can't see the image, it is a photograph of a seemingly nekkid and very young woman giving her best come-hither look directly to the camera. Under her visage is the following text: "You know you're not the first. But do you really care? BMW Premium Selection used cars."

Oh, for fuck's sake.

[Assvertising: Parts One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, Eleven, Twelve, Thirteen, Fourteen, Fifteen, Sixteen, Seventeen, Eighteen, Nineteen, Twenty, Twenty-One, Twenty-Two, Twenty-Three, Twenty-Four, Twenty-Five, Twenty-Six, Twenty-Seven, Twenty-Eight, Twenty-Nine, Thirty, Thirty-One, Thirty-Two, Thirty-Three, Thirty-Four, Thirty-Five, Thirty-Six, Thirty-Seven, Thirty-Eight, Thirty-Nine, Forty, Forty-One, Forty-Two, Forty-Three, Forty-Four, Forty-Five, Forty-Six, Forty-Seven, Forty-Eight, Forty-Nine, Fifty, Fifty-One, Fifty-Two, Fifty-Three, Fifty-Four, Fifty-Five, Fifty-Six, Fifty-Seven, Fifty-Eight, Fifty-Nine, Sixty, Sixty-One, Sixty-Two, Sixty-Three, Sixty-Four, Sixty-Five, Sixty-Six, Sixty-Seven, Sixty-Eight, Sixty-Nine, Seventy, Seventy-One, Seventy-Two, Seventy-Three, Seventy-Four, Seventy-Five, Seventy-Six, Seventy-Seven, Seventy-Eight, Seventy-Nine, Eighty, Eighty-One, Eighty-Two, Eighty-Three, Eighty-Four, Eighty-Five, Eighty-Six, Eighty-Seven, Eighty-Eight, Eighty-Nine, Ninety, Ninety-One, Ninety-Two, Ninety-Three, Ninety-Four, Ninety-Five, Ninety-Six.]

Remember, Ladies...

You can spend your entire life working at something, learning, practicing, training, honing your skills, building your talents, giving every piece of yourself, your nights and mornings and weekends and every spare minute you have, keeping a laser-like focus on your ultimate goal, inch by inch making your way to the top of your field, becoming the best there ever was, maybe the best there ever will be...and whether you're a presidential candidate or America's best female skier, they can still put you in your place with a single slur, a single touch, a single picture:

Dr. Nicole M. LaVoi (emphasis original):

I've thought to myself and predicted out loud that leading up to the 2010 Vancouver Olympics that we would see a LOT of Lindsey Vonn in the media.

Vonn is first a GREAT athlete, but she also represents norm of feminine attractiveness. The combination of athleticism and attractiveness make Vonn the likely poster girl of the US Olympic Team, and the media hasn’t disappointed in constructed her as such.

Not to be left out, Sports Illustrated is featuring Vonn on their February 8,2010 cover. For those of you who follow SI Covers, know that female athletes are RARELY featured on the cover.

Over the last 60 years researchers have shown that about 4% of all SI covers have portrayed women.

In Dr. LaVoi's comments, there are all sorts of the usual contortions of logic and protestations of looking for things to get mad about, seeing things that aren't there, blah blah blah. But as Dr. LaVoi notes, sure, Vonn's in an actual ski pose, but she's not skiing. This isn't an action shot; it's a still, posed image, and Vonn is not wearing her helmet, which would obscure her smile as she looks directly into the camera.

That the shot is angled with the slope is not incidental either.

This is about as obvious a sexualized image of a female athlete for male consumption as I've ever seen. It's absolutely absurd. And equally depressing.

Contact Sports Illustrated.

[H/T to Shaker Nellie.]

Tea Party Tomfoolery

The first ever Tea Party Convention, aka Profiteer-a-Thon 2010, has kicked off in Nashville, and it already sounds great:

The opening-night speaker at first ever National Tea Party Convention ripped into President Obama, Sen. John McCain and "the cult of multiculturalism," asserting that Obama was elected because "we do not have a civics, literacy test before people can vote in this country."

The speaker, former Rep. Tom Tancredo, R-Colo., told about 600 delegates in a Nashville, Tenn., ballroom that in the 2008 election, America "put a committed socialist ideologue in the White House ... Barack Hussein Obama."

..."This is our country," he told the crowd. "Let's take it back."

Tancredo's speech received enthusiastic applause at times, but the crowd did not fill the large ballroom at the Gaylord Opryland Hotel and Convention Center.

Sad trombone. Wah wah wahhhhhhhhhhh. Still sounds like loads of fun, though!

Someone hung a poster of Palin from a balcony overlooking a garden atrium at the Opryland complex. In the hotel lobby, a few delegates sat on luggage and read copies of the Declaration of Independence.

And outside the convention hall, entrepreneurs sold souvenirs: sterling silver tea bag necklaces ($89.99), bags of "Freedom Coffee" ($9) and T-shirts emblazoned with a bald eagle ($20).

Hot damn. I haven't been this excited since I was in a truck stop on the Pennsylvania-Ohio border!

Open Thread

Hosted by a plush Vampire Squid.

Two-Minute Nostalgia Sublime

Frankie Goes To Hollywood: "Relax"

Question of the Day

What is your favorite work of art?

Mine is Botticelli's "Birth of Venus." It may look kind of underwhelming when you see a print or view it online, but if you ever have the opportunity to stand in front of the original in the Uffizi, you'll understand.

[Click image to enlarge.]

Missionaries Charged

They have been charged with kidnapping:

Haiti has charged 10 US missionaries with child abduction and criminal conspiracy for allegedly trying to smuggle 33 children out of the country.

Haitian officials said their cases would now be sent to an investigating judge who would decide how to proceed.

If convicted they face lengthy jail terms, says the BBC's Paul Adams, in Haiti's quake-hit capital city.

[...]

After the hearing the 10 missionaries were taken back to the jail where they have been kept since Friday.

Amid chaotic scenes, the group was bundled into a van outside the court.

"I feel good," the group's leader Laura Silsby told reporters. "I trust in God."

The five men and five women, most of them from Idaho, were due to have a hearing earlier in the week, but that was postponed because of a lack of interpreters.

Haiti's Prime Minister Jean-Max Bellerive has labeled the Americans "kidnappers".

Justice Minister Paul Denis said they should be tried in Haiti despite the damage done to the country's judicial infrastructure and casualties among judges and court staff.

There have been suggestions the 10 could be tried in the US.

"It is Haitian law that has been violated it is up to the Haitian authorities to hear and judge the case," he told AFP news agency.

"I don't see any reason why they should be tried in the United States."

The arrogance of people to go into a sovereign, if damaged, nation and simply take children without proper authority and permission or any actual verification of the lives of the families of the children is beyond appalling (yet, it's unsurprising). I understand the desire to help but this sure as shit isn't it.

National Prayer Breakfast

This morning was the National Prayer Breakfast, which CREW urged the president et. al. not to attend so as not to further lend legitimacy to The Family. Of course, Obama did attend (as did Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, among others; we'll come back to Clinton). The president's full remarks are here, and a few things really jumped out at me:

I thank God every day for being married to Michelle Obama.

Well, while you're thanking people, you should thank the good people of the great state of Illinois, who see fit to extend marriage rights to opposite-sex couples.

God's grace, and the compassion and decency of the American people is expressed through … the efforts of our Armed Forces, through the efforts of our entire government.

Separation of church and state is for losers! At the end of this section cataloging all the many ways in which "God's grace, oh yeah, and some stuff that isn't totes religious" is expressed, he adds, "By Americans of every faith, and no faith, uniting around a common purpose, a higher purpose." So, let me get this straight: God's grace can be expressed by Americans of no faith (we'll come back to that phrase) uniting around a higher purpose? Okay, well, I've just got one question, Mr. President: How the fuck does that make any sense?!

Atheists—who, for the record, may have a secular "faith" in things other than god-belief, but it's always fun to be described as having "no faith" as opposed to "no belief in god"—have quite rightly requested acknowledgment from their government and its leadership, but awkwardly inserting oblique references to our existence into your remarks at a prayer breakfast isn't necessary. In fact, it's insulting.

Not attending prayer breakfasts would, however, be a swell idea.

[Erosion of civility in the public square makes us] lose sight of the children without food and the men without shelter and the families without health care.

Hmm. I wonder what it is that made him lose sight of women altogether during that sentence.

Whatever.

Clinton, in whom I'm disappointed for attending yet again for aforementioned issues of credibility-lending, did, however, do something very interesting during her remarks: She first of all didn't pretend she was anywhere else but at a gathering of religious people; she spoke about her own faith and how it acts in her life, rather than making vague pronouncements about how faith acts in other people's lives; and, most extraordinarily, she spoke about how religion is misused:

Religion, cloaked in naked power lust, is used to justify horrific violence, attacks on homes, markets, schools, volleyball games, churches, mosques, synagogues, temples. From Iraq to Pakistan and Afghanistan to Nigeria and the Middle East, religion is used a club to deny the human rights of girls and women, from the Gulf to Africa to Asia, and to discriminate, even advocating the execution of gays and lesbians. Religion is used to enshrine in law intolerance of free expression and peaceful protest. Iran is now detaining and executing people under a new crime – waging war against God. It seems to be a rather dramatic identity crisis.

So in the Obama Administration, we are working to bridge religious divides. We're taking on violations of human rights perpetrated in the name of religion. And we invite members of Congress and clergy and active citizens like all of you here to join us. Of course we're supporting the peace processes from Northern Ireland to the Middle East, and of course we are following up on the President's historic speech at Cairo with outreach efforts to Muslims and promoting interfaith dialogue, and of course we’re condemning the repression in Iran.

But we are also standing up for girls and women, who too often in the name of religion, are denied their basic human rights. And we are standing up for gays and lesbians who deserve to be treated as full human beings. (Applause.) And we are also making it clear to countries and leaders that these are priorities of the United States. Every time I travel, I raise the plight of girls and women, and make it clear that we expect to see changes. And I recently called President Museveni, whom I have known through the prayer breakfast, and expressed the strongest concerns about a law being considered in the parliament of Uganda.

Did you get that? Hillary Clinton stood at the podium at The Family's National Prayer Breakfast and told them that she thinks that legislation in Uganda is bullshit. Told the sponsors of that legislation that it's bullshit.

I'm not going to mince words: I still wish neither one of them had gone. I wish both of them had stayed clear of that fucking prayer breakfast like it was radioactive.

Sometimes, though, I read something that makes me feel like there is a game of 12-dimensional chess being played in Washington. But it ain't Obama at the board.

Worst. Sexual Assault Prevention Tips. Ever.

Evarrrrrrrrrrr.

[Trigger warning.]

Passed on by Shaker Julie, who says: "I think my 'favorite' is 'If you get on the elevator on the 25th floor, and the Boogie Man gets on the 22nd, get off when he gets on,' which comes directly after 'Remember, bad men don't always look bad'."

Personally, I'm partial to: "Women are always trying to be sympathetic: STOP IT, it may get you raped, or killed." I hate it when my sympathy tries to rape me.

Amanda notes that "the sexual assault policy gurus at SAFER Campus" deem these hottt tips "deeply offensive, misogynist, heterosexist and [perpetuating of] myths about the reality of sexual assault." They also note that "no information was found that suggests that a sexual assault victim may be male or transgender," making them transphobic as well.

To that list, let us add disablist ("If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control, ALWAYS run!") and classist ("If you don't have a cell phone, shame on you."), too.

And probably more stuff that I missed, which I'll leave you to add in comments.

Quite the spectacular fail.

Daily Kitteh

The Mystery of the Bogroll in the Toilet

Hmm, who could have done such a dastardly deed, I wonder...?

Another mystery solved!

The Marriage Ref

Last February, when Jerry Seinfeld's new television project, The Marriage Ref—a "reality series that seeks to mine laughs out of marriage problems"—was announced, I said:

Seinfeld explains that, despite the fact that the show depends on marital problems for its existence, it's "not a therapy show; it's a comedy show," the concept for which he developed after nine years of marriage wherein he "discovered that the comedic potential of this subject is quite rich." … [T]he reason most [modern comedy] is garbage is because most of it is tired, hackneyed, rehashed rubbish (which wasn't even funny the first time) about "relationships." Men are horny dogs! Ha ha ha! Women are shopaholic chatterboxes! Ha ha ha! Mars and Venus, baby. Mars. And. Venus.

Oh, my aching sides.

…And the producer of the show promoted his last film with rape jokes and homophobic and transphobic promo spots.

I've little hope that the combination of a scarcity of groundbreaking and norms-shattering material and Seinfeld's sad retrofuckery are going to yield anything but a patriarchy-propagating monster.

Well, I've started seeing promos for The Marriage Ref on NBC. I'll let you be the judge:

Text onscreen: Based on a true story.

Voiceover backed by wacky music: Based on a true story. [image of elderly white man standing in yard, shirtless] In 2003, a man trying to avoid date night with his wife [image of elderly white woman in bed, with rollers in hair, eating popcorn] started a fire in his backyard [video of raging fire being futilely doused with water from hoses] and accidentally burned down his house. [image of woman looking angry (?) coupled with image of man in mug shot] If only they had "The Marriage Ref." From executive producer Jerry Seinfeld. Coming in March to NBC.

Text onscreen: This is a true story.

Voiceover backed by wacky music: This is a true story. David and Susan Harper [images of couple] constantly argue about her first husband's ashes [image of urn] on the mantle and his leg [image of prosthetic leg] in the closet. Seems like they could use "The Marriage Ref." From executive producer Jerry Seinfeld. Coming in March to NBC.

Shaker EastSideKate emails that there are other promos "featuring panelist Alec Baldwin.* The show's website is predictable. Bonus points to the NBC casting website, which features 'Stand Up for Diversity' right under requests for hackneyed sexist anecdotes to be featured on Seinfeld's latest train wreck."

Here, you can find Seinfeld talking about how this show is especially important for men: "Men do not know [that all couples fight], because men do not share with other men about what's going on in their marriage. So they suffer in silence! [laughter]"

Oh for fuck's sake.

----------------------------------------

* Sure. Of course. Who better to serve as a panelist on a show about marriage than Alec Baldwin, a misogynist asshole who had a lengthy, ugly, public divorce during which he behaved appallingly childishly?

Out My Window

A beautiful cardinal...

...and her flamboyant mate.

Today in Rape Culture

[Trigger warning.]

Shaker April emails (which I am publishing with her permission):

I'm e-mailing because I thought perhaps you could bring attention to a rape "joke" on ABC's sitcom "Modern Family" last night. I'm kind of iffy about the show in general, since it relies on stereotypes a lot, and I was glad to see a post about this on Shakesville a couple weeks back. But this "joke" was really over the line, and I was shocked to hear it.

April described the exchange to me, and I went to check it out at the ABC website. (It's viewable here, starting right around minute 12.)

A 13-year-old girl and her 11-year-old brother, collecting recyclables, have brought home a bunch of empty alcohol bottles discarded after a party in their neighborhood. They show their haul to Dad, and Daughter asks: "What's Jaegermeister?"

To which Dad replies: "Um, well, you know how in a fairy tale there's always a potion that makes the princess fall asleep and then the guys start kissing her? Well, this is like that except you don't wake up in a castle. You wake up in a frat house with a bad reputation."

Daughter then makes amusingly perplexed face at younger brother, lest there be any confusion about whether this scene was being played for laughs.

Har har.

Drawing an equivalence between sleeping potions and kissing princes in fairy tales, and alcohol/roofies and rapists in real life, is not a bad idea. In fact, it's a pretty good way, with age-appropriateness caveats, to teach kids about consent (or the lack thereof).

But, needless to say, drawing that equivalence to warn your tween daughter about "waking up in a frat house with a bad reputation," and preemptively victim-blame her in case she ever does have the unspeakable misfortune of being in the presence of someone determined to rape her, is a bad idea.

I know, I know—blah blah fiction blah blah irony blah blah edgy blah blah it's supposed to show what a shitty dad he is. Yeah, whatever. And maybe one day, when we don't live in a pernicious rape culture that destroys the lives of millions of "sleeping princesses," I'll be able to find shit like this funny.

Or not. Because I quite genuinely don't understand what's so amusing about rape, or about incapacitated victims, or about a dad victim-blaming his own daughter, or about the stories of nonconsensual sexual activity "saving women" that are told to children, or the double-standard that victims of "date rape" are hung with bad reputations but rapists are commendable studs, or about any piece of the construction of this "joke," or about its inclusion on a primetime network sitcom.

As best I can tell, the only reason anyone (besides rapists) might see to laugh at this "joke" is because it's true: There are indeed dads who communicate these hideous ideas to their daughters (and their sons).

But that isn't funny, either. That's tragic.

Quote of the Day

"We use the discarded furs as bedding to give the animals comfort and reduce stress. The fur garments act as a surrogate mother. It is a warm and furry substitute."—Michael Markarian, the Humane Society's chief operating officer in Washington, D.C., on their Coats for Cubs program, which recycles fur coats to use as "nests, bedding, or cuddly replacements for mom and dad" for orphaned, injured, or sick wildlife. [Via.]

That's infinitely more awesome than dousing paint on people. The Animal Rights Group Who Shall Not Be Named ought to take note.

Today's Edition of "Conniving and Sinister"

Strips One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 61, 62, 63, 64, 65, 66, 67, 68, 69, 70, 71, 72, 73, 74, 75, 76, 77, 78, 79, 80, 81, 82, 83, 84, 85, 86, 87, 88, 89, 90, 91, 92, 93, 94, 95, 96, 97, 98, 99, 100, 101, 102, 103, 104, 105, 106, 107, 108. In which Liss reimagines the long-running comic "Frank & Ernest," about two old straight white guys "telling it like it is," as a fat feminist white woman and a biracial queerbait telling it like it actually is from their perspectives. Hilarity ensues.

Texting! With Liss and Deeky!

Last night, starting at 9:16pm Central Standard Time.

Deeky: I'm watching Cops. Who the fuck goes on a drug buy on a bicycle?

Liss: Someone who takes drug procurement advice from an 8-year old?

Deeky: LOLOLOL!

Liss: We're watching Man v Wild. Iain just said, "I like Bear's jacket. This show's like a fashion show for me."

Deeky: LOL! Is it the urban apocalypse episode?

Liss: Uh huh.

Deeky: Did he suggest any tips for fighting zombies?

Liss: No, although that would obviously be more useful than how to shimmy down elevator cables. Christ.

Deeky: You know how to avoid shimmying down elevator cables? Don't fucking go upstairs to begin with!

Liss: Seriously. 99% of each episode, I'm all, "That's terrible, terrible advice" or "Yeah, my fat ass could totes replicate these Survival Tips for the Ridiculously Fit."

Deeky: LOL! You're zombie chow, sister!

Liss: Enjoy my succulent breasteses, zombies!

Deeky: LOLOLOL!

Fin.

Adorable Marriage Advice from the State of Utah

The State of Utah is very interested in marriage. Mostly, they're interested in making sure the sacred institution totes created by God after creating Eve from Adam's ~~rib~~ wiener remains an exclusive club for M4W and W4M only. (And the occasional M4WWWWW.*) But that's not all! They're also interested in helping the Almighty-favored opposite-sex couples whose super-special, gloriously gilded relationships have afforded them access to marriage protect that shimmering, golden glow of specialness forever by offering some hottt marriage advice! Woot!

Pop Quiz: Is Utah's advice to married couples…?

A. Find someone with whom you can totally be yourself and retain your individualism, while simultaneously approaching your life with a spirit of generosity and compromise, so that you may be autonomous but complementary equals in a lifetime partnership that fulfills you both.

B. Leave your individualism at the door, keep nothing of or for yourself, and wave goodbye to independence of any description, because you are part of the marriage borg now, bitchez!

If you guessed B, give yourself 1,000 points!

[Click images to embiggen.]
On the left: ME. With a dotted line around the M. Followed by the instructions: "How to build a lasting relationship: 1. Cut on dotted line. 2. Rotate 180 degrees." On the right: MINE YOURS. With a dotted line around the MINE Y. Followed by the instructions: "How to ensure a more successful marriage: 1. Select a sharp #2 pencil. 2. Fill in box completely."

In case you've missed the clever joke there, the point is to turn "Me" into "We" and "Mine Yours" into "Ours."

Now, on the one hand, I appreciate that the intended messages are about not being selfish and about fully committing. But, on the other hand, that's not really what the messages are explicitly communicating—and what they are explicitly communicating plays into some very dangerous narratives that have traditionally been used against women to deny them equality and autonomy within opposite-sex marriage. And there are still plenty of people who regard a woman's disinterest in taking her husband's surname, or retaining her own bank account, or fates forfend anything totally zany like taking a solitary (or girls') vacation or maintaining a separate residence, as selfish. As not being fully committed. As being A Bad Wife.

"Me" in a marriage is not a bad thing. "My" in a marriage is not a bad thing.

After all, you ostensibly marry someone because you love the person they are, not because you want that person to disappear in service to a legal contract.

There is a way to communicate working together on and being totally committed to a marriage without suggesting that either partner's individual personhood, or both, has to be subsumed by the relationship.

In fact, the bottom of the posters read: "If you want a stronger marriage, work on it together." Which is actually not bad advice at all. And it is certainly very different advice than "there is no more me, only we." More different still is the very last line, in the tiniest text: "For tips, marriage class incentives, and resources in your area that can improve the health of any relationship, visit our website."

Any relationship, you say?! Well, fancy that! It's almost like a marriage between two people of opposite sexes isn't actually a special snowflake after all! And that working on a relationship together is good advice for any relationship! Between any people! Of any sex! Wow!

So…why is this a poster about marriage again?

Oh, right. Because Utah is interested in protecting marriage. From Teh Gayz. From whom marriage in Utah is under grave threat. Which is totes why they have an above-average divorce rate. Because of Teh Gayz.

[H/T to Copyranter.]

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* Not a dig at polyamory. That's a comment on the deeply misogynist and sexually abusive polygamy which is associated with certain sects in Utah.