National Prayer Breakfast

This morning was the National Prayer Breakfast, which CREW urged the president et. al. not to attend so as not to further lend legitimacy to The Family. Of course, Obama did attend (as did Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, among others; we'll come back to Clinton). The president's full remarks are here, and a few things really jumped out at me:

I thank God every day for being married to Michelle Obama.
Well, while you're thanking people, you should thank the good people of the great state of Illinois, who see fit to extend marriage rights to opposite-sex couples.
God's grace, and the compassion and decency of the American people is expressed through … the efforts of our Armed Forces, through the efforts of our entire government.
Separation of church and state is for losers! At the end of this section cataloging all the many ways in which "God's grace, oh yeah, and some stuff that isn't totes religious" is expressed, he adds, "By Americans of every faith, and no faith, uniting around a common purpose, a higher purpose." So, let me get this straight: God's grace can be expressed by Americans of no faith (we'll come back to that phrase) uniting around a higher purpose? Okay, well, I've just got one question, Mr. President: How the fuck does that make any sense?!

Atheists—who, for the record, may have a secular "faith" in things other than god-belief, but it's always fun to be described as having "no faith" as opposed to "no belief in god"—have quite rightly requested acknowledgment from their government and its leadership, but awkwardly inserting oblique references to our existence into your remarks at a prayer breakfast isn't necessary. In fact, it's insulting.

Not attending prayer breakfasts would, however, be a swell idea.
[Erosion of civility in the public square makes us] lose sight of the children without food and the men without shelter and the families without health care.
Hmm. I wonder what it is that made him lose sight of women altogether during that sentence.

Whatever.

Clinton, in whom I'm disappointed for attending yet again for aforementioned issues of credibility-lending, did, however, do something very interesting during her remarks: She first of all didn't pretend she was anywhere else but at a gathering of religious people; she spoke about her own faith and how it acts in her life, rather than making vague pronouncements about how faith acts in other people's lives; and, most extraordinarily, she spoke about how religion is misused:
Religion, cloaked in naked power lust, is used to justify horrific violence, attacks on homes, markets, schools, volleyball games, churches, mosques, synagogues, temples. From Iraq to Pakistan and Afghanistan to Nigeria and the Middle East, religion is used a club to deny the human rights of girls and women, from the Gulf to Africa to Asia, and to discriminate, even advocating the execution of gays and lesbians. Religion is used to enshrine in law intolerance of free expression and peaceful protest. Iran is now detaining and executing people under a new crime – waging war against God. It seems to be a rather dramatic identity crisis.

So in the Obama Administration, we are working to bridge religious divides. We're taking on violations of human rights perpetrated in the name of religion. And we invite members of Congress and clergy and active citizens like all of you here to join us. Of course we're supporting the peace processes from Northern Ireland to the Middle East, and of course we are following up on the President's historic speech at Cairo with outreach efforts to Muslims and promoting interfaith dialogue, and of course we’re condemning the repression in Iran.

But we are also standing up for girls and women, who too often in the name of religion, are denied their basic human rights. And we are standing up for gays and lesbians who deserve to be treated as full human beings. (Applause.) And we are also making it clear to countries and leaders that these are priorities of the United States. Every time I travel, I raise the plight of girls and women, and make it clear that we expect to see changes. And I recently called President Museveni, whom I have known through the prayer breakfast, and expressed the strongest concerns about a law being considered in the parliament of Uganda.
Did you get that? Hillary Clinton stood at the podium at The Family's National Prayer Breakfast and told them that she thinks that legislation in Uganda is bullshit. Told the sponsors of that legislation that it's bullshit.

I'm not going to mince words: I still wish neither one of them had gone. I wish both of them had stayed clear of that fucking prayer breakfast like it was radioactive.

Sometimes, though, I read something that makes me feel like there is a game of 12-dimensional chess being played in Washington. But it ain't Obama at the board.

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Worst. Sexual Assault Prevention Tips. Ever.

Evarrrrrrrrrrr.

[Trigger warning.]

Passed on by Shaker Julie, who says: "I think my 'favorite' is 'If you get on the elevator on the 25th floor, and the Boogie Man gets on the 22nd, get off when he gets on,' which comes directly after 'Remember, bad men don't always look bad'."

Personally, I'm partial to: "Women are always trying to be sympathetic: STOP IT, it may get you raped, or killed." I hate it when my sympathy tries to rape me.

Amanda notes that "the sexual assault policy gurus at SAFER Campus" deem these hottt tips "deeply offensive, misogynist, heterosexist and [perpetuating of] myths about the reality of sexual assault." They also note that "no information was found that suggests that a sexual assault victim may be male or transgender," making them transphobic as well.

To that list, let us add disablist ("If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control, ALWAYS run!") and classist ("If you don't have a cell phone, shame on you."), too.

And probably more stuff that I missed, which I'll leave you to add in comments.

Quite the spectacular fail.

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Daily Kitteh

The Mystery of the Bogroll in the Toilet



Hmm, who could have done such a dastardly deed, I wonder...?







Another mystery solved!

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The Marriage Ref

Last February, when Jerry Seinfeld's new television project, The Marriage Ref—a "reality series that seeks to mine laughs out of marriage problems"—was announced, I said:

Seinfeld explains that, despite the fact that the show depends on marital problems for its existence, it's "not a therapy show; it's a comedy show," the concept for which he developed after nine years of marriage wherein he "discovered that the comedic potential of this subject is quite rich." … [T]he reason most [modern comedy] is garbage is because most of it is tired, hackneyed, rehashed rubbish (which wasn't even funny the first time) about "relationships." Men are horny dogs! Ha ha ha! Women are shopaholic chatterboxes! Ha ha ha! Mars and Venus, baby. Mars. And. Venus.

Oh, my aching sides.

…And the producer of the show promoted his last film with rape jokes and homophobic and transphobic promo spots.

I've little hope that the combination of a scarcity of groundbreaking and norms-shattering material and Seinfeld's sad retrofuckery are going to yield anything but a patriarchy-propagating monster.
Well, I've started seeing promos for The Marriage Ref on NBC. I'll let you be the judge:

Text onscreen: Based on a true story.

Voiceover backed by wacky music: Based on a true story. [image of elderly white man standing in yard, shirtless] In 2003, a man trying to avoid date night with his wife [image of elderly white woman in bed, with rollers in hair, eating popcorn] started a fire in his backyard [video of raging fire being futilely doused with water from hoses] and accidentally burned down his house. [image of woman looking angry (?) coupled with image of man in mug shot] If only they had "The Marriage Ref." From executive producer Jerry Seinfeld. Coming in March to NBC.
Text onscreen: This is a true story.

Voiceover backed by wacky music: This is a true story. David and Susan Harper [images of couple] constantly argue about her first husband's ashes [image of urn] on the mantle and his leg [image of prosthetic leg] in the closet. Seems like they could use "The Marriage Ref." From executive producer Jerry Seinfeld. Coming in March to NBC.
Shaker EastSideKate emails that there are other promos "featuring panelist Alec Baldwin.* The show's website is predictable. Bonus points to the NBC casting website, which features 'Stand Up for Diversity' right under requests for hackneyed sexist anecdotes to be featured on Seinfeld's latest train wreck."

Here, you can find Seinfeld talking about how this show is especially important for men: "Men do not know [that all couples fight], because men do not share with other men about what's going on in their marriage. So they suffer in silence! [laughter]"

Oh for fuck's sake.

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* Sure. Of course. Who better to serve as a panelist on a show about marriage than Alec Baldwin, a misogynist asshole who had a lengthy, ugly, public divorce during which he behaved appallingly childishly?

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Out My Window



A beautiful cardinal...



...and her flamboyant mate.

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Today in Rape Culture

[Trigger warning.]

Shaker April emails (which I am publishing with her permission):

I'm e-mailing because I thought perhaps you could bring attention to a rape "joke" on ABC's sitcom "Modern Family" last night. I'm kind of iffy about the show in general, since it relies on stereotypes a lot, and I was glad to see a post about this on Shakesville a couple weeks back. But this "joke" was really over the line, and I was shocked to hear it.
April described the exchange to me, and I went to check it out at the ABC website. (It's viewable here, starting right around minute 12.)

A 13-year-old girl and her 11-year-old brother, collecting recyclables, have brought home a bunch of empty alcohol bottles discarded after a party in their neighborhood. They show their haul to Dad, and Daughter asks: "What's Jaegermeister?"

To which Dad replies: "Um, well, you know how in a fairy tale there's always a potion that makes the princess fall asleep and then the guys start kissing her? Well, this is like that except you don't wake up in a castle. You wake up in a frat house with a bad reputation."

Daughter then makes amusingly perplexed face at younger brother, lest there be any confusion about whether this scene was being played for laughs.

Har har.

Drawing an equivalence between sleeping potions and kissing princes in fairy tales, and alcohol/roofies and rapists in real life, is not a bad idea. In fact, it's a pretty good way, with age-appropriateness caveats, to teach kids about consent (or the lack thereof).

But, needless to say, drawing that equivalence to warn your tween daughter about "waking up in a frat house with a bad reputation," and preemptively victim-blame her in case she ever does have the unspeakable misfortune of being in the presence of someone determined to rape her, is a bad idea.

I know, I know—blah blah fiction blah blah irony blah blah edgy blah blah it's supposed to show what a shitty dad he is. Yeah, whatever. And maybe one day, when we don't live in a pernicious rape culture that destroys the lives of millions of "sleeping princesses," I'll be able to find shit like this funny.

Or not. Because I quite genuinely don't understand what's so amusing about rape, or about incapacitated victims, or about a dad victim-blaming his own daughter, or about the stories of nonconsensual sexual activity "saving women" that are told to children, or the double-standard that victims of "date rape" are hung with bad reputations but rapists are commendable studs, or about any piece of the construction of this "joke," or about its inclusion on a primetime network sitcom.

As best I can tell, the only reason anyone (besides rapists) might see to laugh at this "joke" is because it's true: There are indeed dads who communicate these hideous ideas to their daughters (and their sons).

But that isn't funny, either. That's tragic.

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Quote of the Day

"We use the discarded furs as bedding to give the animals comfort and reduce stress. The fur garments act as a surrogate mother. It is a warm and furry substitute."Michael Markarian, the Humane Society's chief operating officer in Washington, D.C., on their Coats for Cubs program, which recycles fur coats to use as "nests, bedding, or cuddly replacements for mom and dad" for orphaned, injured, or sick wildlife. [Via.]

That's infinitely more awesome than dousing paint on people. The Animal Rights Group Who Shall Not Be Named ought to take note.

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Today's Edition of "Conniving and Sinister"



Blank

Strips One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 61, 62, 63, 64, 65, 66, 67, 68, 69, 70, 71, 72, 73, 74, 75, 76, 77, 78, 79, 80, 81, 82, 83, 84, 85, 86, 87, 88, 89, 90, 91, 92, 93, 94, 95, 96, 97, 98, 99, 100, 101, 102, 103, 104, 105, 106, 107, 108. In which Liss reimagines the long-running comic "Frank & Ernest," about two old straight white guys "telling it like it is," as a fat feminist white woman and a biracial queerbait telling it like it actually is from their perspectives. Hilarity ensues.

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Texting! With Liss and Deeky!

Last night, starting at 9:16pm Central Standard Time.

Deeky: I'm watching Cops. Who the fuck goes on a drug buy on a bicycle?

Liss: Someone who takes drug procurement advice from an 8-year old?

Deeky: LOLOLOL!

Liss: We're watching Man v Wild. Iain just said, "I like Bear's jacket. This show's like a fashion show for me."

Deeky: LOL! Is it the urban apocalypse episode?

Liss: Uh huh.

Deeky: Did he suggest any tips for fighting zombies?

Liss: No, although that would obviously be more useful than how to shimmy down elevator cables. Christ.

Deeky: You know how to avoid shimmying down elevator cables? Don't fucking go upstairs to begin with!

Liss: Seriously. 99% of each episode, I'm all, "That's terrible, terrible advice" or "Yeah, my fat ass could totes replicate these Survival Tips for the Ridiculously Fit."

Deeky: LOL! You're zombie chow, sister!

Liss: Enjoy my succulent breasteses, zombies!

Deeky: LOLOLOL!

Fin.

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Adorable Marriage Advice from the State of Utah

The State of Utah is very interested in marriage. Mostly, they're interested in making sure the sacred institution totes created by God after creating Eve from Adam's rib wiener remains an exclusive club for M4W and W4M only. (And the occasional M4WWWWW.*) But that's not all! They're also interested in helping the Almighty-favored opposite-sex couples whose super-special, gloriously gilded relationships have afforded them access to marriage protect that shimmering, golden glow of specialness forever by offering some hottt marriage advice! Woot!

Pop Quiz: Is Utah's advice to married couples…?

A. Find someone with whom you can totally be yourself and retain your individualism, while simultaneously approaching your life with a spirit of generosity and compromise, so that you may be autonomous but complementary equals in a lifetime partnership that fulfills you both.

B. Leave your individualism at the door, keep nothing of or for yourself, and wave goodbye to independence of any description, because you are part of the marriage borg now, bitchez!

If you guessed B, give yourself 1,000 points!


[Click images to embiggen.]

On the left: ME. With a dotted line around the M. Followed by the instructions: "How to build a lasting relationship: 1. Cut on dotted line. 2. Rotate 180 degrees." On the right: MINE YOURS. With a dotted line around the MINE Y. Followed by the instructions: "How to ensure a more successful marriage: 1. Select a sharp #2 pencil. 2. Fill in box completely."

In case you've missed the clever joke there, the point is to turn "Me" into "We" and "Mine Yours" into "Ours."

Now, on the one hand, I appreciate that the intended messages are about not being selfish and about fully committing. But, on the other hand, that's not really what the messages are explicitly communicating—and what they are explicitly communicating plays into some very dangerous narratives that have traditionally been used against women to deny them equality and autonomy within opposite-sex marriage. And there are still plenty of people who regard a woman's disinterest in taking her husband's surname, or retaining her own bank account, or fates forfend anything totally zany like taking a solitary (or girls') vacation or maintaining a separate residence, as selfish. As not being fully committed. As being A Bad Wife.

"Me" in a marriage is not a bad thing. "My" in a marriage is not a bad thing.

After all, you ostensibly marry someone because you love the person they are, not because you want that person to disappear in service to a legal contract.

There is a way to communicate working together on and being totally committed to a marriage without suggesting that either partner's individual personhood, or both, has to be subsumed by the relationship.

In fact, the bottom of the posters read: "If you want a stronger marriage, work on it together." Which is actually not bad advice at all. And it is certainly very different advice than "there is no more me, only we." More different still is the very last line, in the tiniest text: "For tips, marriage class incentives, and resources in your area that can improve the health of any relationship, visit our website."

Any relationship, you say?! Well, fancy that! It's almost like a marriage between two people of opposite sexes isn't actually a special snowflake after all! And that working on a relationship together is good advice for any relationship! Between any people! Of any sex! Wow!

So…why is this a poster about marriage again?

Oh, right. Because Utah is interested in protecting marriage. From Teh Gayz. From whom marriage in Utah is under grave threat. Which is totes why they have an above-average divorce rate. Because of Teh Gayz.

[H/T to Copyranter.]

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* Not a dig at polyamory. That's a comment on the deeply misogynist and sexually abusive polygamy which is associated with certain sects in Utah.

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Antiques with Deeks: The World's Most Unfortunately Named Boardgame

Part four in my miniseries (see parts one, two and three) on antiques. Because all us homos love antiques, right? Today, I've just one item. And I submit it without comment.


Annette's Secret Passage game. Yes, you read that right. A boardgame about America's Sweetheart's "secret passage." (I know I said I wasn't going to comment, but...) I don't know what knuckleheaded pervo came up with this name, but really, do we need to allude to the Mouseketeer's nether regions in 72 pt type?

And yes, I am twelve years old, why do you ask?

I came up with a few alternate names that wouldn't have been as ... unfortunate:

  • Annette and the Scrod Fishing Excursion Game

  • Annette's Shipwreck Survival Game

  • Annette on the Lido Deck Game

  • Annette's Smuggling Adventure Game

  • Annette vs. the Pirates Game

  • Annette's Cruise-wear Fashion Game

  • A Bunch of White Kids on a Boat Game

    Thanks for reading. Next week: Deeky Goes To Church!

    [Cross-posted.]

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  • Personal Note

    Just checking in to say, yes, I still exist. I'm sorry I missed B&T this week, Tuesday I was catching up my sleep debt from two brutal nights of insomnia. And that's kinda how the week's gone, really. It'll be back next week, but I'm officially taking the pressure off myself to get it done this week.

    I'm also (and this is partly the reason I'm speaking up about this) suffering, as I do every year, from Seasonal Affective Disorder, which functions for me sort of like a superdepression (that is, a depression layer on top of the usual one). It's February in Canada, so it's dark, and cold, and everything is either white or grey. And working at home as I do, because of my disability, means I can literally go days without leaving the apartment, and without seeing anyone or hearing anything but my own voice or the TV/radio/CD player/whatever.

    I'm going to try and get a NQDTR thread up today, and I've got a couple of articles I really want to write (like one on this appalling situation, sent to me by Unree, about a Canadian woman more or less interned in Saudi Arabia for the crime of being a woman, and another from MzBitca via Liss, here). But as with the old regular kind of depression, productivity in "Areas That Don't Contribute To Me Being Fed And Sheltered" is a real problem.

    I mention this not because I seek sympathy (but thank you) - my life is what it is, my body is what it is, and it's my lot to live with them - but to be a visible person with an invisible disorder, in a sense. To say to those out there sharing these things with me that they're not alone, that even someone who may appear all successful and shit can turn out to be badly affected too, and that yes, it is possible to live with depression and/or SAD, for some folk (for some; I don't want this to become a lash to whack other sufferers with, just because they're not susceptible to the things that keep me functioning). I muddle through, with a little help from my friends, and a lot of love from those who love me, and with being gentle with myself when it gets heavy and I stop functioning a bit. And with knowing that only a couple more months will bring spring, warmer temps, longer days, less white-and-grey. It'll be more painful (rheumatic pain is no fun in the Days Of Cool And Damp), but it'll be a happier time nonetheless.

    So yah. I still exist, and will be writing here again, and the NQDTR will be back, hopefully today. And I'm living with depression, and SAD, and that's just life. I know it sounds contradictory, but I'm really not unhappy; just suffering from depression. All the other depressives are now nodding, cause they get it, but yah, remember:

    depression != unhappiness

    Hope you all have a lovely day, or have had, if you're at your day's end.

    * Note: I really, really don't need suggestions on how to deal with this. I've been doing so since I was a teen, in various ways, which is longer than some of you have been alive. I'm good for coping methods, such as they are, and of the ones I'm not using, you can safely assume that I have investigated them, and discovered they didn't work for me. If they did for you or your friend or your cousin's brother-in-law's hairdresser's mechanic, please know I'm very happy that they've been able to find relief. If someone asks in comments for help with coping strategies, that's on-topic; suggestions to me for how I could live my life differently with $STRATEGY aren't. Thanks. :)

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    Two Possible SCOTUS Vacancies?

    ABC News reports that Justices John Paul Stevens and Ruth Bader Ginsburg might both be considering retirement from the Supreme Court. Unfortunately, Stevens and Ginsburg are both liberals, so the make-up of the court would retain a conservative majority. In fact, Stevens and Ginsburg are so reliably liberal, I question whether President Bipartisan's nominees will further balance the court rightward.

    In any case, he won't nominate nutwits like John Roberts and Sam Alito, Bush's two appointments. The SCOTUS remains, IMO, the #1 place where party difference still matters.

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    Open Thread


    Hosted by jellyfish, squid, and octopus water bottle buddies. Want.



    Via. Cutest choking hazard ever.

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    Two-Minute Nostalgia Sublime



    Frankie Goes To Hollywood: "Two Tribes"

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    Question of the Day

    What's the strangest item you've ever seen in an antique, resale, or second-hand shop?

    Following up on the Antiques with Deeks miniseries, during one of my recent shopping excursions, I picked up this lovely item (left).

    It's a bottle that once contained embalming fluid.

    I've no idea how old it is, but it's pretty darn cool. Better than a Gabe Kaplan puzzle, that's for sure.

    The bottle now sits next to the tub and stores bubble bath.

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    Today in Not Fat-Hating!

    Take it away, Ellen DeGeneres:

    Ellen DeGeneres is tired of women thinking beauty is synonymous with being super-skinny.

    ...The CoverGirl spokeswoman's biggest frustration? Airbrushing.

    "Women are looking at bodies like that and going, 'My stomach doesn't look like that. I'm supposed to look like that?!'" the talk show host, 52, says. "So they starve themselves and they work out like crazy."

    She adds: "It's not important. We put the wrong emphasis on what beauty is and what health is. Health is being vibrant and having energy and being happy. If you're healthy, it's got nothing to do with how much you weigh."
    Look at that: No fat-hating, no thin-hating, no deeming a singular body type as "normal," no discussion of "real women," no demonization of one segment of women in order to prop up another. This is Doing It Right.

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    Daily Kitteh



    Sophie.

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    Thank You for Being a Friend…

    LOL: "[Rue McClanahan] is still recuperating in the hospital after her November stroke, but was 'tickled' when she received a card from Betty saying words to the effect of 'Dear Rue, I hope you hurry up and die so I can be the last Golden Girl left.'"

    I absolutely love that. I know that sort of repartee doesn't suit everyone's sense of humor, but it hits me right where I live—or, perhaps more accurately, right where I love.

    I adore being (affectionately) teased by my close friends—and OMG do I love being teased by Iain. He can send me into absolute gales of breathless, gasping laughter by mocking the hell out of me.

    I like it because it makes me feel very known, which is not an easy thing for me to let myself be.

    And I like giving as good as I get back to Iain, and my friends who enjoy it. Hence Deeky and I spending approximately 5% of every day calling each other assholes, for example.

    That sort of friendly teasing creates such strong bonds—and it serves a pretty important purpose too: Part of the reason stuff like "fuck you fatso!" is so easy to laugh at is because I've got a handful of people who love me who say the same sort of ridiculous shit to me all the time, but with affection.

    That's incomprehensible to people who don't share that sense of humor, among whom are also people I consider friends; I get that not everyone likes to be teased, because I don't like to be teased by just anyone. It really is a special sort of trust, shared by people who respect each other's consent to be subjected to the ribald ruthlessness that only a true friend who really knows you can brutally, beautifully, hilariously deliver.

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    Quote of the Day

    "We were taken aback a little bit by a vocal minority. It was something we didn't anticipate. But this is a people-focused company, so we had to respond to those concerns."—David Droga, creative chairman at Droga5, who created the "Shiny Suds" Method advert. (Via.)

    I am bitterly amused by the assertion that a "people-focused" company couldn't foresee any objection to the sexual assault of a person woman being treated like a joke to sell cleaning products.

    [Previously on the Method Shiny Suds Ad: Today in Rape Culture, I Write Letters, I Get Letters, Hysterical Bitchez, Well, I Guess That's Us Told, Wow, What's Your Opinion on These Unstable Hysterics?]

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