The Velvelettes: "He Was Really Saying Something"
Question of the Day
What is the strangest factoid you have stuck in your brain?
I couldn't possibly narrow it down to one. My brain is clogged with so much trivia, random film dialogue, old locker combinations, 30-year-old commercial jingles, bong resin, and other crap that I'm constantly (affectionately) mocked by everyone close to me.
After I recalled in an email exchange with Deeky just a few minutes ago a particularly obscure bit of dialogue that he couldn't identify, he replied, "LOL! How the hell would I remember that? I saw that movie like thirty years ago!"
Liss: I remember it!
Deeks: Like that means anything, lint trap! Your brain catches everything! I'm talking about normal people.
Which made me LOL for realz, big time. I sounded like Snagglepuss, and then a donkey braying.
Yep
Re: the news that most Americans think the stimulus money has been wasted, Yglesias is spot-on here: We do indeed "need elected officials and political operatives who are willing to take responsibility for the idea that they will be judged first and foremost on the basis of outcomes."
I'd add that fewer segments on the nightly news about water-skiing squirrels might be useful, too.
Because there are people who want to be informed, and aren't finding a way of getting good, succinct, digestible information anymore. I can't be the only person who does this for a living who has friends, or has had strangers upon learning of her job, who treat her like a jukebox that can play 45s explaining various issues in the news.
I don't mind doing it, but it seems like that's something The News used to do, before it started feverishly documenting the latest Brangelina sightings.
Quote of the Day
"The day that [my cousin] Maxo's remains were found, the call came with some degree of excitement. At least he would not rest permanently in the rubble. At least he would not go into a mass grave. Somehow, though, I sense that he would not have minded. Everyone is being robbed of rituals, he might have said, why not me?"—Haitian-American author and educator Edwidge Danticat, in a very moving piece for The New Yorker, about the personal aftermath of the earthquake.
Imagine That
I've got a new piece up at The Guardian's CifA, "Mixing a Super Bowl of Manipulation," about the anti-choice advert Focus on the Family has bought to run during the Super Bowl:
On 7 February, the New Orleans Saints will make their first ever appearance in American football's Super Bowl, traveling to Miami to face off against the Indianapolis Colts in a competition that's as much about the commercials as the game itself.Read the whole thing here.
Also making an appearance for the first time will be an anti-abortion ad, paid for by the evangelical group Focus on the Family and featuring star college quarterback Tim Tebow, known for painting Bible quotations under his eyes during games. The ad, "Celebrate Family, Celebrate Life", cost Focus on the Family as much as $2.8m, will reportedly tell the story of how Tebow's mother defied medical recommendations to have an abortion and instead gave birth to Tim, and may be viewed by as many as 100 million Americans.
Today in Hollywood Plunders the '80s
Gremlins in 3D.
I said that Ghostbusters III felt "like a group of creatively bankrupt hasbeens plundering my childhood for greens fees from their dotage," which would be a wildly unfair thing to say about this remake of Gremlins, which feels much more like a group of creatively bankrupt hasbeens plundering my childhood for greens fees from their dotage IN 3-D!!!!eleventy!
New Rule: If you absolutely insist on remaking (or rebooting, or sequelling, or wev) any iconic film of the 1980's that featured as its central protagonist a white cis straight able-bodied male, you must rewrite the main character as a woman, preferably a woman of color, and/or a trans woman, and/or a lesbian/bisexual/asexual, and/or a disabled woman. Or an androgyne. I don't rightly care, as long as you demonstrate some minimal fucking awareness that remaking a film for "a new audience" should mean more than just "a new audience of 14-year-old white boys." Inclusivity = MC2. Show your work!
I eagerly look forward to Virginia Jones and Some Creepy Nazi Paraphernalia, The Last Starfighter starring Selena Gomez, and Jill and Bette's Excellent Adventure.
Today in (more) Fail
Opening a new bottle of soda, taking a drink, setting it down on the coffee table, then reaching over to shut your laptop and knocking the nearly-full bottle over onto the coffee table. The over-crowded-with-books-and-papers coffee table. The over-crowded-with-books-and-papers coffee table that has a glass inset that soda pours into so that there's soda everywhere on top and under the glass. The soda that erupts like a freaking volcano when you turn the bottle back upright.
Bonus: two extremely amused children who dance around the volcano-soda table like it's a Celebratory Occasion!™ to be marked by as much shrieking as humanly possible.
Bigger Bonus: two ginormous dogs who rush right over to get started on the cleaning while you run out to the kitchen to get cleaning supplies and manage to smear soda and dog slobber everywhere that didn't have soda (or dog slobber) before. Plus a cat who stares at you like you are a total glaik and why can't you have the grace and dexterity that a cat such as her should have in her human? Is that too much to ask, really?
Today's Edition of "Conniving and Sinister"
Strips One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 61, 62, 63, 64, 65, 66, 67, 68, 69, 70, 71, 72, 73, 74, 75, 76, 77, 78, 79, 80, 81, 82, 83, 84, 85, 86, 87, 88, 89, 90, 91, 92, 93, 94, 95, 96, 97, 98, 99, 100, 101. In which Liss reimagines the long-running comic "Frank & Ernest," about two old straight white guys "telling it like it is," as a fat feminist white woman and a biracial queerbait telling it like it actually is from their perspectives. Hilarity ensues.
Daily Fail
Shaker BrianWS emails:
Remember when Michelle Obama wore that "flesh-colored" dress? And the fact that it was called "flesh-colored" was so fucked up in the first place, since it was a cream-colored "white flesh-colored" dress?I love (where love = loathe with the fiery passion of ten thousand suns) that the only reason they made any effort at all to employ a not-racist use of the phrase "flesh-colored" is to slut-shame and body-police a woman of color. (Check out the image captions, particularly.)
So imagine how excited I was when I saw an article that called a portion of Venus Williams' Australian Open ensemble "flesh-colored," and it actually meant the color of *her* flesh! Oh wait, that was the only cool portion of the entire article, which then goes on to include gratuitous ass and breast shots.
Gawd, the Daily Mail is such a disgrace.
Monday Blogaround
This blogaround brought to you by Shaxco, makers of Lissie's Aerodynamic Meatball Subs. "They fly as awesome as they taste!"
Recommended Reading:
Echidne: Utterly Hilarious
Meloukhia: Avatar: The New York Times Has Found Itself Some Straw Feminists
Resistance: No … thank … you …
Tami: Is a diverse environment enough to innoculate against racism?
Angry Asian Man: The Game "Supports" Korean Pop Group
Andy: Report: Sex Tape Features Well-Endowed John Edwards
Leave your links in comments...
What's in a Name?
Sometimes, everything.
Changing a name might seem like a minor matter for those who are changing their gender identities and, for some, facing challenges like finding knowledgeable doctors, trying hormones and experimenting with painful hair-removal procedures. But many who have gone through the switch say a name change sends an important message to the world, a message solidified and made official with a court's approval.I love when I see courts and common sense and compassion all in the same place. And what a refreshingly sensitive (if imperfect) article from the New York Times on a gender issue.
..."There is a long emotional, physical process that a lot of us have to go through," said Katherine Cross, 22, of the Bronx, who got her new name in July. She said her transition included learning how to force her voice into a higher register and the basics of shopping for women's clothing.
"For me," she said, "the centerpiece was the name change."
...The two recent rulings in New York courts helped clear the way for more such moments on Centre Street.
In one case, an appeals panel overruled a Manhattan civil court judge who had insisted on doctors' notes giving reasons for name changes in transgender cases. The panel said there was "no sound basis in law or policy" for the requirement and noted that the law generally permits people to change their names unless there is some fraudulent intent involved.
In the other decision, a Westchester judge made an exception to a general requirement that name changes and home addresses be advertised in newspapers, saying the safety issues for people in gender transition were obvious in a world that can be hostile.
[H/T to Shaker ASDKids2.]
Greetings and Salutations
by Shaker ninthpossibility
[Trigger warning.]
So the other day I was browsing for a birthday card, and I found one. It's the perfect card for anyone who wants to take time on their special day to celebrate violence against women in the classiest, most sentimental way. With Hallmark! Let me describe this card for you, since the picture I tried to take didn't turn out. On the front is a cartoon drawing of O.J. Simpson with his arms full of football memorabilia and a speech balloon that says "I didn't steal all this stuff, but if I did, this is how I would have done it." Which is a clever reference not only to the sports memorabilia he's currently serving time for stealing, but also – and this is the really funny part, people – also to that one time when he murdered two people, got away with it, and then wrote a book called If I Did it, Here's How it Happened.
The inside of the card reads: "Have all the birthday fun you can get away with."
Because murdering your wife? That is fun. I mean, who could argue with that?
Oh. Yes. I could. And I did!
I sent Hallmark a short email in which I admirably refrained from using a single profanity and quite clearly outlined what was wrong with the card. I also asked them to please not bother sending me a reply at all if said reply contained the words "I'm sorry if you were offended."
I'm not interesting in condescending lip service.
Which is just tough cookies, apparently, because Hallmark emailed me back:Thank you for contacting Hallmark.
That's a doozy, that is. I forwarded the response to my best friend and she said that her favorite part was how ''they reassure you that the 'offbeat' cards haven't replaced the 'traditional' cards. Because you are obviously just a traditionalist worried about the damn hippies screwing up your greeting card selection."
We have received your thoughtful comments expressing concern about some of the topics and images represented in our humor cards, and are happy to have the opportunity to respond.
You are right that some of our more recent humor cards incorporate more offbeat styles and topics than you've seen from Hallmark in the past. Greeting cards reflect the times - something we have learned over nearly 100 years of being in this business of helping people connect and nurture relationships. Nowhere is this more true than in the realm of humor, where "what's funny" is not only very individual to each person and relationship, but also constantly evolves over time. This is why we have extended our range of humor cards into some areas that may not be to everyone's taste, but please know that these are a narrow segment of the total humor card offering and have not replaced our more traditional humor cards.
Our goal with humor cards has always been, and remains, to appeal to a wide range of people and help them connect with one another through laughter. Occasionally we don't get it right, but we never intend our products to offend or be used in hurtful ways.
We appreciate your preference for Hallmark products and place a high value on your comments.
Please accept our apology for the unintended offense, and our appreciation for taking the time to let us know about that.
Thanks,
Hallmark Consumer Care
Yeah. That's a good part. I also like the part where they remind me that "what's funny is individual to each person and relationship." Because the relationship where one person murders the other person? Totally funny. And why shouldn't there be a greeting card for just such an occasion? Clearly I'm behind the times.
So I did a small bit of teaspooning against Hallmark, and my teaspoon did about exactly as much good as I thought it would. My concerns were waved away and the few dollars that I spend annually on greeting cards won't be missed. That's why I was hoping to bring this in front of some Shakers: Maybe a few more teaspoons will do the trick. What I'd like to see from Hallmark is a real apology and the card being pulled from stores.
Because the last place I'd expected to be sucker-punched with this kind of casual regard for violence and misogyny was in the freaking birthday card selection at Hallmark.
Contact Hallmark at 1-800-HALLMARK or go here for email links.
[Note from Liss: As always, please be polite if you decide to contact Hallmark.]
O Glorious Day!
US to lift 21-year ban on haggis:
Smuggled and bootlegged, it has been the cause of transatlantic tensions for more than two decades. But after 21 years in exile, the haggis is to be allowed back into the United States.LOL!
The "great chieftan o' the puddin-race" was one of earliest casualties of the BSE crisis of the 1980s-90s, banned on health grounds by the US authorities in 1989 because they feared its main ingredient ‑ minced sheep offal ‑ could prove lethal.
Some refined foodies might insist it always has been and always will be: in the words of Robert Burns, in his Ode to a Haggis, looking "down wi' sneering, scornfu' view on sic a dinner". But now, as millions of Scots around the world prepare to celebrate Burns's legacy tonight with an elaborate, whisky-fuelled pageant to a boiled bag of sheep innards, oatmeal, suet and pepper, its reputation has been restored, on health grounds at least.
Don't let anyone tell you different: Haggis may sound horrible, but (if you are a meat-eater), it is absolutely scrumptuous! Of course, it has to be prepared correctly, which, in my experience, means prepared by a Scottish butcher in fookin' Scotland. Hence my joy that the US will allow importation again.
Iain, who has not had a single wee bite o' the sneering, scornfu' stuff since he set foot in America eight years ago, will almost certainly put on his ghillies and break into a Highland Dance to celebrate.
Or not. There's a distinct possibility he will merely say, "Fank fook!"
Especially as this means Scotch Pie cannot be long behind...
Men Are Pigs!
So we are told in yet another round of "The Biggest Man-Haters in the World Are Not Feminists, But Misogynists."
I've said it before, and I'll no doubt have occasion to say it again: Anyone who serves up this sort of jaw-droppingly gender essentialist content under the pretense of being representative of how the average guy views himself, women, and the world, is profoundly contemptuous of any notion of a spectrum of manhood, and is thus a person who hates men in ways I can't even begin to contemplate.
[H/T to Megan.]
Stray Animals
[Trigger warning.]
According to South Carolina's lieutenant governor, there's no point in helping poor people because all it does is encourage them.
Lt. Gov. Andre Bauer is defending his comment which compared government assistance programs to "feeding stray animals."This is what they mean by "compassionate conservatives," huh?
Bauer made the comparison during a town hall meeting Friday in Fountain Inn. He was saying poor parents of students who eat free or reduced-price meals in school cafeterias should be required to attend parent-teacher conferences, or the students should go without.
"My grandmother was not a highly educated woman, but she told me as a small child to quit feeding stray animals. You know why? Because they breed," Bauer said, according to the Greenville News. "You're facilitating the problem if you give an animal or a person ample food supply. They will reproduce, especially ones that don't think too much further than that. And so what you've got to do is you've got to curtail that type of behavior. They don't know any better."
Crossposted.
No More Words
A Menifee, California, school district has banned the Merriam-Webster dictionary. Because the book contains the words "oral sex." The school district is now "forming a committee to review whether dictionaries containing the definitions for sexual terms should be permanently banned." Of course they are.
The district will no doubt consider more age-appropriate dictionaries as replacements. Hopefully they'll check for the inclusion of these words before making a final decision: Pooh, coccyx, vagina, titular, penalize, asinine, hump, and Lake Titicaca.
[Cross-posted.]
Promises, Promises
Obama to Offer Aid for Families in State of the Union Address:
President Obama will propose in his State of the Union address a package of modest initiatives intended to help middle-class families, including tax credits for child care, caps on some student loan payments and a requirement that companies let workers save automatically for retirement, senior administration officials said Sunday.Despite being part of a middle-class family, I have no children, have no student loans, am self-employed, have no retirement savings, and am not caring for elderly relatives, so I'm awesomely excited about this!
...The proposals also include expanded tax credits for retirement savings and money for programs to help families care for elderly relatives.
In all seriousness, I am all for programs that support childcare, eldercare, education, and savings, but I am absolutely fed up to the teeth with "tax credits." Americans (who can't afford personal tax attorneys) already fail to claim many of the tax credits they could, because the American tax code is ridiculously overcomplicated. And many of the Americans who would be most helped by various tax credits don't actually make enough money to qualify.
If our government (our Democratic fucking government) wants to do something meaningful, they need to create a program and spend some money and be willing to take some goddamned flak for having principles. Instead, they're hiding "change" in the tax code, which, apart from being cowardly, cedes ground to Republican strategies. Awesome.
The address is still being written, but one senior official, describing it on the condition of anonymity, said its main themes would include "creating good jobs, addressing the deficit, helping the middle class and changing Washington."Oh for fuck's sake.
