[Trigger warning.]
Under the charming headline "Horndog High scandal heats up," the NY Daily News reports that, at the same high school where two female teachers were reportedly caught by a janitor in a state of undress in an empty classroom while students attended a musical performance, a third female teacher has been reassigned while the school investigates allegations that she had "an inappropriate relationship with a male student."
"Officials found more than 200 texts and calls between the teacher and the male pupil," who is apparently not of legal consenting age.
The story doesn't say—and obviously I don't know—whether the teacher and the student engaged in sexual activity, i.e. she statutorily raped him. But it appears that the best-case scenario is "merely" that she emotionally abused someone who is not old enough to legally consent to the relationship.
Conflating that with two adults (allegedly) having a sexual liaison in an inappropriate place is really problematic. That's not to diminish the reality that the "inappropriate place" was (allegedly) a serious breach of ethics, as it could have been a student who walked in rather than a staff member. But the two scenarios are fundamentally not the same.
And a teacher who emotionally, physically, and/or sexually abuses a student, deliberately and remorselessly, isn't a horndog. Zie's a predator.
[H/T to Shaker MLM.]
Today in Rape Culture
Random YouTubery: MacGyver Cat
Paraphrase: A cat leaps, bounds, slides, pounces, dangles, spins, and reads some fine literature, all set to the MacGyver theme song. With awesome bluescreen action!
[H/T to everyone in the multiverse, and thanks to each and every one of you!]
Today's Edition of "Conniving and Sinister"
Strips One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 61, 62, 63, 64, 65, 66, 67, 68, 69, 70, 71, 72, 73, 74, 75, 76, 77, 78, 79, 80, 81, 82, 83. In which Liss reimagines the long-running comic "Frank & Ernest," about two old straight white guys "telling it like it is," as a fat feminist white woman and a biracial queerbait telling it like it actually is from their perspectives. Hilarity ensues.
RIP (?) E&P
Editor & Publisher, the bible of the newspaper industry and a journalism institution that traces its origins back to 1884, is ceasing publication.I really hope so, too. I've been reading E&P online for years, and I would be really sad to see it go. I don't think I can overestimate how important E&P was in covering the media and its role in constructing the case for war, as but one example of its value of the past few years alone.
An announcement, made by parent company The Nielsen Co., was made Thursday morning as staffers were informed that E&P, in both print and online, was shutting down.
The expressions of surprise and outpouring of strong support for E&P that have followed across the Web -- Editor & Publisher has even hit No. 4 as a Twitter trending topic -- raise the notion that the publication might yet continue in some form.
...As news spread of E&P's fate, the staffers have been inundated with calls from members of the industry it covers, and many others, expressing shock and hopes for a revival. Staff members will stay on for the remainder of 2009.
Greg Mitchell, editor since 2002, has hailed the staff and accomplishments, including a dozen major awards and strong showing on the Web for many years. Some staff writers/editors have been at E&P for a quarter of a century. "I'm shocked that a way was not found for the magazine to continue it some form -- and remain hopeful that this may still occur," he said.
I'm not sure where to direct teaspoons at this point; I've emailed someone at E&P and if I get any suggestions, I'll let you know. Leave any thoughts you might have in comments.
Meanwhile, Back on Planet Earth...
While the collection of dipshits, miscreants, scoundrels, and unicornesque incorruptible civil servants we call a Congress are busily fighting over how most effectively to reduce women's access to abortion and other basic healthcare services, a new study by our good friends at the Guttmacher Institute has found:
Publicly funded family planning providers are struggling to meet a growing need for subsidized contraceptive care, which is being driven by more women wanting to postpone childbearing during tough economic times. This surge in demand is straining already-limited resources, and is exacerbated by rising unemployment that has resulted in more women losing employer-based insurance coverage, according to [pdf] "A Real-Time Look at the Impact of the Recession on Publicly Funded Family Planning Centers," based on a new survey by the Guttmacher Institute.It doesn't get any easier than this: We need to fund family planning providers and give women real reproductive choices. Whether you're totally anti-abortion, or a rampaging steampunk abortion robot, or anywhere in between, funding family planning providers makes sense. Pro-life, pro-choice, conservative, progressive, anti-SCHIP, pro-SCHIP, pro-bootstraps, pro-safety net, whatthefuckever, making as many resources as possible available to women (and families) to manage their reproduction should be objective number one.
Two-thirds of the responding centers reported an increase in the number of clients seeking contraceptive services between the first quarter of 2008 and the first quarter of 2009, and more than four in five reported an increase in the number of clients who are poor or low-income and therefore eligible for free or reduced-fee care. In addition, nearly two-thirds reported a decline in the number of clients who are able to pay the full fee for services.
"The recession has put many women in an untenable situation. They want to avoid unintended pregnancies more than ever, but are having trouble affording the contraceptive services they need to do so," says Dr. Sharon Camp, Guttmacher president and CEO. "The very providers these women turn to in times of crisis are themselves struggling to make ends meet. It is time to bolster the nation's family planning system to help women avoid unintended pregnancies and the unplanned births and abortions that would result."
The only reason to not be on board with this is being a misogynist asshole.
And everyone claims they don't waves that flag. So what's the goddamn hold-up...?
That is, of course, a rhetorical question.
Vloggin' with Blogginz, Episode 8
By popular demand, Kenny Blogginz does Scott Stapp. With bonus Michael McDonald! Trigger warning for references to violence in action hero theme song parody.
[Episodes One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven.]
[Also available at Daily Motion. Full transcript below.]
Title Card: Vloggin' with Blogginz
Liss: So, a lot of people have been requesting some Scott Stapp ever since I mentioned that you sing everything like in a Creed voice when we play, um, Rock Band.
KBlogz: Right.
Liss: And just generally.
KBlogz: Right. [Liss clears throat.] Just every day.
Liss: Just every day. So I was wondering if you could give us a little of your Scott Stapp—maybe you could sing the alphabet for us as Scott Stapp from Creed?
KBlogz: Oh gosh. I don't know. I'll try it.
Liss: 'Kay.
KBlogz: [singing in Scott Stapp voice] A, B, C, D, E, F, and Gyeeahh! [Liss giggles; the camera shakes.] H, I, J, K, ellemenopyeeahh! [Liss giggles; the camera shakes.] Q, R, essah! T, U, Vyeah! W, exah! Y and Zyeeahh! Now I know mah ABCyah! [Liss giggles; the camera shakes.] Next tahm won't you sing with meyeeahh!
Liss: Yeeeahhh.
KBlogz: Yeeeahhh.
[Image of Scott Stapp gripping microphone while singing, captioned "Yeeeeahhhh!"]
KBlogz: [singing in Michael McDonald voice] Christopher Cross is gonna kick you in the face / He knows karate from outer space / He's flies solo; he's got no boss / He knows tae kwon do from the future! / He's gonna hit your pressure points 'cause he doesn't even care / And he's got a yacht that flies through the air / He's super-successful; he knows all the martial arts / And you know he never farts! / And he loves liberal arts! / And he rides around on his Mario Kart! / Christopher Cross!
[Image of Michael McDonald singing, while thinking of Christopher Cross singing.]
Liss: Was that, um, Michael McDonald singing a Christopher Cross theme song?
KBlogz: Yes. Um, those two artists are good friends, and I just took the liberty of impersonating Mr. McDonald to, uh, sing a song about Mr. Cross. So, hopefully we can get a record deal pretty soon.
Liss: All three of you together?
KBlogz: And you.
Liss: Me? What would I do?
KBlogz: I don't know, the…drums?
Liss: [laughs] The drums! I can't play the drums. Space Cowboy can play the drums, though.
KBlogz: The…the electric cowbell.
Liss: That I can do.
KBlogz: Heavy distortion.
Liss: Every song needs more cowbell.
KBlogz: Mm-hmm. [nods sagely]
Title Card: The End!!!
Irish Women Fight Abortion Ban
Almost 140,000 Irish women have travelled to Britain over the past 30 years to have abortions, our correspondent adds.The three women will be known only as A, B, and C, but I'd sure enough like to give them a big Shaker Teaspoon Salute to let 'em know we're impressed.
The Irish Family Planning Association welcomed the challenge to the laws, which it described as "draconian".
It said they violated international human rights norms "because they inflict such grievous harm to women's health and well-being".
You can find the Irish Republic's embassies and consulates here. I recommend a polite but firm letter reminding them that the world is watching.
The best response the anti-choicers have been able to make so far is this amusing little tautology:
"Whatever the human rights aspects are of this, abortion is illegal in Ireland because it is a criminal offence," (Johanna Higgins, co-founder of the Association of Catholic Lawyers of Ireland) said.Ummm...yah. Compelling. It's illegal because it's illegal, don't you see how important that is? Far more important than human rights! We're talking about the sanctity of a legal code, which can never, ever be changed in any way, because it's, y'know, the legal code.
ò,Ô
Kenny Blogginz's Great American Movie Review: Couple's Retreat 2: The Adventures of Vince Vaughn Across the Eighth Dimension
Hey all you Shakers out there in cyber-space! Kenny Blogginz here, with another one of my beloved movie reviews!
Now, it may be hard for some of you to believe, but Judd Apatow and I are close personal brohams, and we IM each other all the time on Friendster.com. One day, as I was surfing the 'net and looking at all kinds of lolcats, Judd dropped a huge bro-deuce all over my computer screen:
J*Apatow_420X666x69X@Friendster@Geocities.com: Hey bro! Just wanted to let you know that I'm holding a super secret advanced screening of my new film, Couple's Retreat 2! I would be über-honored if you'd find it in your heart to attend. I know you're super reclusive, like J.D. Salinger but way better at karate, but if you get your ass over to my home theater, you'll automatically gain like eight billion dude-points.Obviously, I couldn't turn down an offer like that! I threw on my Blogginz-cape, jumped in my Hummer H2, and high-tailed it over to Apatow's secret volcano lair. I used my special Friendship Bracelet to unlock the Laser Doors, and began the four-mile jog to the Home Theater.
When I got to the theater, I was surprised to find that Judd had invited several other internet celebrities to witness his new masterpiece. Chris Crocker was there, Cory Doctorow was there, heck, even Keyboard Cat was there! It was a veritable who's-who of Badass Indie Underground Megastars. I popped a squat next to Keyboard Cat and exchanged a knowing Dude-Wink with Judd. Juddilliam Shakespapatow then walked over to a podium and gave us a short speech about the film we were about to have our minds blown by. Basically, he made us all swear not to write about it on blogs. I was like "I definitely will never do that (LOL)". I mean, we're tight brohams, but my Bloggin' Capes don't pay for their own rhinestones!Anyway, Judd went on to explain the premise of his magnum opus; basically, Couple's Retreat 2 is set millions of years after the first film. Couple's Retreat was a romantic comedy, but Couple's Retreat 2, Judd assured us, was like the next James Cameron's Avatar. A real sci-fi/fantasy epic. Juddonardo Apavinci then held a short Q-and-A session with us. Keyboard Cat asked Judd why the heck he was directing this sequel, when the first film was directed by Hollywood Darling Peter Billingsley. Judd informed us all that he had beaten Peter in a game of three-dimensional chess, and had therefore won the rights to the sequel. And Peter had to stick his tongue to a flagpole. There were no more questions, so Judd dimmed the lights, and the film began.
I was absolutely blown away by this film. Couple's Retreat 2: The Adventures of Vince Vaughn Across the Eighth Dimension is absolutely groundbreaking. There were motion-capture scenes; there were 3-D scenes; there was even a "Choose Your Own Adventure"-style voting system to determine which ending of the film the audience wanted to see most. Judd filmed roughly ninety-three alternate endings for the audiences to choose from.
Couple's Retreat 2 starts off with a bang—LITERALLY! Vaughn and company come out of cryo-stasis just as the sun is going red-dwarf. They barely have time to board the final Space Train to Planet Hawaii, before the dying sun's radiation turns all the cars in the world into Transformers Decepticons.
Team Vaughn meet many colorful characters on the Space Train, including a CGI family of Mexican Immigrants who are all voiced by comic puppeteer Jeff Dunham. Dunham's racial humor is spot on, and really helps to break up the tension caused by a space virus which kills all of the female characters within the first ten minutes of the film. Vaughn's character, and his fellow bro-dudes, don't even realize that their wives are dead until Jason Batman sez, "Hey, something's not right. Nobody's tried to kill my buzz for several hours. Oh no!" It is a heartfelt and emotional scene, until Jeff Dunham's beloved character José Jalapeño farts on Vince Vaughn's face for like three minutes.Once Team Vaughn reaches Planet Hawaii, they realize that they are able to have way more fun now that their buzz-kill mother/wives are dead. With no mother/wives, Vaughn and Batman can finally play Call of Duty for weeks on end without doing any boring chores!
Back by popular demand was the weirdo Yoga instructor character, Salvadore, who has managed to stay alive for millions of years through some weirdo yoga shit, probably. In a brilliant nod to the first film, Salvadore tries to teach the 'Vaughn Dudes' yoga, often to no avail. These middle-aged men aren't having any of that weirdo, new age, long-hair, sandal-wearin', eastern bullshit!
Apatow's script showcases Vince Vaughn's acerbic wit brilliantly. Vince's dialogue is impeccable; he is truly the Duke of Sarcasm.
Vaughn's old buddy Owen Wilson makes a surprise cameo appearance, providing the voice of the CGI talking golden retriever, Bong-Water. Bong-Water is a hilarious character, let me tell you right now. Each leg-humping scene had the audience laughing harder and harder, until at one point Cory Doctorow burst a blood vessel in his left eye.Now, as most of you know, I'm usually quite annoyed by product placement. Apatow does it so artfully in CR 2, however, that I found myself laughing with joy every time I recognized a brand name onscreen. I was laughing with joy during just about every scene, let me tell you. Space Station Red Bull was so beautifully rendered in CGI by Lucasart, I found myself looking for it in the night sky on my way home after the film.
The effects were top notch, the writing was impeccable, and the acting was even better the second time around, no doubt due to Apatow's directorial finesse. As the credits rolled, there was not one dry eye in the audience. Even Keyboard Cat was crying! Couple's Retreat 2 is sure to be the defining movie of my generation. It was truly Apatow's magnum opus. Until, of course, next summer's Couple's Retreat 3: Lisa Lampanelli's Revenge!
[Graphics by Liss.]
The War on the War on Christmas!
This week, 19 House Republicans unveiled a resolution (H. RES. 951) to make it clear that Congress likes Christmas.I don't know how many times or how many different ways I can say this, but THERE IS NO WAR ON CHRISTMAS!!!Whereas Christmas is a national holiday celebrated on December 25; andThat'll show the anti-Christmas crusaders.
Whereas the Framers intended that the First Amendment of the Constitution, in prohibiting the establishment of religion, would not prohibit any mention of religion or reference to God in civic dialog: Now, therefore, be it
Resolved, That the House of Representatives--
(1) recognizes the importance of the symbols and traditions of Christmas;
(2) strongly disapproves of attempts to ban references to Christmas; and
(3) expresses support for the use of these symbols and traditions by those who celebrate Christmas.
Which means there's no need for this kind of time-wasting fuckery.
And, you know, it was one thing when they used to just assume (or pretend) that everyone celebrates Christmas. But here they concede that's not the case: "(3) expresses support for the use of these symbols and traditions by those who celebrate Christmas." It's a short walk from there to the understanding that using phrases like "Happy Holidays" is just basic politeness, a way of acknowledging there are those who don't celebrate Christmas, and you don't always know to whom you're speaking. That's not the same thing as "banning references to Christmas."
Sometimes, basic politeness means being less specific to be more inclusive.
It would be great if the Waronchristmateers could stop seeing that as a demotion of Christmas and instead view it as an elevation of non-Christian holidays and non-Christian people. Not something being taken away from them, but a gift to others.
That's the holiday spirit, after all. They can start "recognizing the importance of the symbols and traditions of Christmas" by giving us all the precious gift of not acting like whiny-ass binky babies for a bloody change.
NQDTR Discussion Thread - R091210
Hiya, Shakers, time for another Discussion Thread for the Not Quite Daily Teaspoon Report!
This is the thread in which you may offer congratulations or admiration for a teaspoon or teaspooner. If you're posting with just congrats or admiration, though, do take a moment and check the thread to see whether other people have said so a number of times already. Remember that no one is required to read here just because they posted over there, so there's no guarantee you'll get a response to a given comment.
Not Quite Daily Teaspoon Report - R091210
Meant to do this yesterday, but (ironically) ran out of spoons for the task.
So, time for another Teaspoon Report: leave comments here that describe an act of teaspooning you encountered or committed. They don't have to be big, world-shaking acts; by definition, a teaspoon is a small thing, but enough of them together can empty the ocean.
If you would like to discuss the teaspoons here reported, or even offer congratulations or your admiration to a fellow Shaker, we ask that you do so over here in the Discussion Thread for today's NQDTR.
New to today's NQDTR, and in effect from now on, Shaker bgk has been kind enough to get a Twitter-pated version out there for you young twittersnappers (and by the way, get off my lawn, you meddling kids! *shakes cane*). He's calling it Tweetspoons (which is totally adorkable, I think!), and you can find the details right here. That runs all the time, as far as I'm aware (*grumblenewtechnologygrumble*), and we encourage you to let other people know that there's at least one tweetstream talking about just going out and doing good things for the human species.
Teaspoons up, let's hear 'em, Shakers!
ô,ôP
Top Chef Open Thread
Chef Tom Colicchio will drink. your. milkshake!!!
He will also bend your ear with his theory that Amazing Racer Cheyne is the lost Voltaggio Brother.
Oh wait, no. That's not Chef Colicchio at all. That's me.
So who am I rooting for? Well, as I said in last week's thread, "I totes want Bryan to win now, just because that will piss off Michael more than Kevin winning. I hate Michael.* Bryan, on the other hand, has won me over with his charmingly silly robot laugh. And the general sense of decency his asshole brother is wholly lacking."
-----------------------
* Exhibit A: "RELAX! RELAX! RELAX! RELAX! RE! LAX!"
Question of the Day
What's your funny food habit?
Everyone I've ever met has one: Won't let hir food touch, will only eat off a blue plate, won't eat anything with a particular texture, has to eat peas in pairs, dunks French fries in hir milkshake, must eat lunch exactly at noon, has eaten the exact same breakfast every morning for 63 years...fess up. What's your food quirk?
One of mine is that I love green peppers, but only raw. Once they're cooked, I can't stand the texture, and if they're cooked in something, their flavor overwhelms every other flavor for me. So I only really enjoy them raw. And usually by themselves, although I don't mind them in a tossed salad.
Iain has a great food quirk: He has a cast-iron stomach and will eat just about anything and everything put in front of him. But the one thing he wouldn't touch if you paid him is leftovers of food that has been eaten off of, even if it was he who did the eating. So, like, leftovers from a huge serving of pasta brought home from a restaurant...? No chance. But if I cook something in the crockpot and there are leftovers, he'll eat them. Because they went straight from the cooker and into the fridge.
I mean, I get it. No saliva contamination. It makes sense. But we're talking about someone who once drank a bottle of milk that had fallen out of a grocery bag and languished between two couch cushions for a week. Why he would drink that (and how he could drink that without getting sick!) but not touch leftover spag-bol that came in contact with his own spit is beyond me.
Naturally, I find this totally hilarious and equally as adorable.
Uganda Drops Death Penalty, Life in Prison from Bill
[Trigger warning.]
This is good news in a still ongoingly-terrible situation:
Uganda will drop the death penalty and life imprisonment for gays in a refined version of an anti- gay bill expected to be ready for presentation to Parliament in two weeks, James Nsaba Buturo, the minister of ethics and integrity, said.For what I'm going to assume are obvious reasons among this crowd, this "compromise" is still totally unacceptable.
The draft bill, which is under consideration by a parliamentary committee, will drop the two punishments to attract the support of religious leaders who are opposed to these penalties, Buturo said today in a phone interview from the capital, Kampala.
Ugandan lawmaker David Bahati presented a private member's bill on Oct. 14 which sought the death penalty and life imprisonment for gay people in the country. The Ugandan government supports the bill because homosexuality and lesbianism are "repugnant to the Ugandan culture," Buturo said. Still, it favors a more refined set of punishments, he said.
In addition to formulating punishments for the gay people, the bill will also promote counseling to help "attract errant people to acceptable sexual orientation," said Buturo.
Keep up the pressure. Ugandan foreign missions, embassies and consulates here. Contact the US State Department here. Sample letters here.
[Previously: Anti-Gay Legislation in Uganda, Anti-Gay Legislation in Uganda Sponsored by The Family, Quote of the Day, World AIDS Day.]
SYTYCD Open Thread
I almost forgot the open thread...!
Last night was a great show, the best in awhile IMO. But even on an exceptional night, the best performance of the night was easy to choose: Kathryn's and Ryan's cha-cha was just amazing.
The standing ovation they received was well-deserved.
(Btw, I hope someone took Cat aside after the show and explained to her that casually using "lynched" on American television is hugely inappropriate.)
At this point, I'm going to be very disappointed if Ryan, who I didn't even like at the beginning of the season, doesn't make it to the final. Rarely has someone changed my mind so completely as he has over the course of a show like this, but I really like him now, as a person and a dancer.
Still: It was all about Kathryn last night at Shakes Manor. Iain called to give her a vote, and got straight through (whereas I got a busy signal for Ashleigh), so we went into full fan-mode and dialed wildly for Kathryn for about the next half hour, as did KBlogz who was over to watch the show with us. (I can't believe we were actually voting, lol, but there you go. If she gets voted off, it won't be because we didn't try!)
It breaks my heart to say it, because Ellenore's been my favorite since the beginning, but I think she and Legacy (who I also like) had the weakest night last night (of the people who danced), because of that crappy Nappy-Tabs routine.
I wouldn't actively send anyone home at this point. I like everyone who's left (although, if I'm honest, I still find Mollee a little cloying; not her fault, though).
What did you think?
Today's Edition of "Conniving and Sinister"
Strips One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 61, 62, 63, 64, 65, 66, 67, 68, 69, 70, 71, 72, 73, 74, 75, 76, 77, 78, 79, 80, 81, 82. In which Liss reimagines the long-running comic "Frank & Ernest," about two old straight white guys "telling it like it is," as a fat feminist white woman and a biracial queerbait telling it like it actually is from their perspectives. Hilarity ensues.
