"U.S. Launches Operation Cobra's Anger in Afghanistan." What the fuck is this? A bad Eighties action flick? Please tell me J.T. Walsh is now our Secretary of Defense.
[Cross-posted.]
Headline of the Day
Today's Edition of "Conniving and Sinister"
Strips One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 61, 62, 63, 64, 65, 66, 67, 68, 69, 70, 71, 72, 73, 74, 75, 76, 77, 78, 79, 80. In which Liss reimagines the long-running comic "Frank & Ernest," about two old straight white guys "telling it like it is," as a fat feminist white woman and a biracial queerbait telling it like it actually is from their perspectives. Hilarity ensues.
Polanski Released
Roman Polanski has posted $4.5 million bail and been released from prison. He retired to the comfort of his ski chalet, where he was greeted "by his children, Elvis, 9, and Morgane, 16, and his wife, actress Emmanuelle Seigner. There were also scores of reporters and camera crews outside to capture the moment."
Heartwarming.
Daily Kitteh
"What's going on up there?"
"What's going on up there?"
"I am Catacus!"
"You're totally fucking Dummacus. Get down from there."
"What are you rebelling against? The cuddling? The treats?"
"This revolution isn't over!"
"Seriously. There's no revolution. Please keep feeding us."
The Death of My Wit
[Spoiler warning for last night's episode of The Office.]
Did anyone else watch The Office last night? And, if so, did you find it as upsetting as I did?
I don't even know why the hell I watch that show anymore, because it just constantly infuriates me, but last night's episode was just a whole new level of horrible.
The premise is that, ten years earlier, in yet another one of his fits of jackassery, Michael Scott (Steve Carell) had promised a group of elementary school students that he would pay for their college educations if they graduated high school. So, a decade goes by, and it's time to cough up—and of course he can't.
Eventually he goes to visit the students, known as "Scott's Tots," who put on a big show of appreciation and give speeches about what a difference it will make in their lives to have their educations funded, and, OMG, it's just unbearably painful as the plot builds until the moment when Michael will have to tell them he made an empty promise.
The moment finally arrives, and Michael spills the awful news. The students begin to shout angrily; cut to commercial. When the show resumes, Michael is outside the school, and one student has chased him outside and calmly asks what he's supposed to do now. Michael offers to pay for his books. Only his. And makes a big deal about how expensive they are—har har this guy can't even pay for one kid's books.
The denouement of this story finds Michael in the car on the way home, being driven by the receptionist, Erin. He is stewing about having "destroyed 15 young lives today." Erin tries to cheer him up; he insults her—"You're what? Like 12?" She tries again: "The principal told me that 90% of Scott's Tots are on track to graduate and that's 35% higher than the rest of the school, so, I think if you hadn't made that promise, a lot of them would've dropped out. Which is something to think about, I think." Michael then feels all better. Yay!
All of this would have been bad enough on its own, but—have you guessed the part that makes it extra hilaritragic yet?!—the promise was made at an inner-city school and Scott's Tots are almost all people of color.
It was...hard to watch. I actually felt physically anxious and upset watching it. The more I thought about what the (totes ironic!) punchline to all this was, the more I felt like retching.
A few days ago, Iain was sort of pondering aloud how he feels like his sense of humor used to be sharper, like he used to be wittier. I said, "Maybe you've just realized that some of the stuff you used to find 'witty' is really just cruelty wrapped in a joking tone."
He contemplated that for a moment. "Yeah. Yeah, I think you're probably right."
I have suffered the same death of "wit."
In Which I Substitute an Email Conversation with Liss and Sparkletoes for an Actual Post
Mistress Sparkletoes: OFFS.
Liss: Is it just me, or does the new Sunmaid girl also look darker-skinned, as if to suggest she might be an "ethnic" migrant worker? Ahem.
Deeky: LOL! I hadn't considered that. I just thought she was tanned. Because all the hot chicks tan. Amirite?
Liss: Yes, and the way all the hot migrant worker chicks tan is by working in the blazing sun all fucking day. Back-breaking, but cheaper than your local "Xtreme Tropix Tanning Salon. Walk-ins welcome!"
Deeky: Xtreme Tropix. I hate you. LOL!
Sparkeltoes: Mmm... cocoa butter!
Liss: Know what goes great with cocoa butter...? Raisins.
Poor Glenn Beck (not really)
At $20 per ticket, Glenn thought he could get all of his fans and 9/12'ers to buy him a new condo by rallying to the movie theaters to see the film adaptation (i.e. a stage performance with one actor) of his book The Christmas Sweater - A Return To Redemption. It looks like most people have better things to spend their money on:
In New York, Beck sold 17 tickets. In Boston, another 17. And in Washington, D.C., the hotbed of political activism, his tearful film drew only 30. [...]Excuse me for a second while I laugh hysterically.
The viewing in Lynnwood, WA -- the closest one to Beck's Mount Vernon hometown -- sold out several hours before the show began. Ten miles south, 70 out of 415 seats had been snagged in Seattle, a better turnout than other cities.
OK. I'm back.
In case anyone is curious what kind of performance art Glenn is capable of, here's a review excerpt:
The Christmas Sweater may seem to be the same kind of run-of-the-mill holiday tale of redemption and hope that we see every year about this time. But considering that the climax involves right-wing talk-show host Glenn Beck, in the guise of a 12 year old version of himself, crying on the stage floor in the fetal position while a large black woman sings hymns to him, I think it might leave viewers with a few more questions than the usual family fare. [...]I think I'll save $20 and stick to A Charlie Brown Christmas.
The bulk of the evening consists solely of Glenn Beck acting out every role in his hokey story, with only his limited repertoire of accents and pantomime filling out the ‘cast’. Sure, there are a few TV’s behind him on stage, but they only show, at the most, ten or twelve still photos the entire time. And they couldn’t even get that right. Despite only needing a few sound effects, I counted several missed cues, and near the end, Beck talks to the wrong camera for a solid minute. I’m at a loss as to how someone so media-savvy could put out something so aggressively half-ass.
[H/T to ThinkProgress]
Huh?
I saw this ad the other day. It raised more questions than it answered.
What's with the random dude (sans shirt)? What about him says refinancing? Is he supposed to represent the Everyman? Or the U.S. government? And why isn't he wearing a shirt? Maybe his high mortgage payments have cost him the shirt off his back. Hell, I dunno. It just seemed very, very odd to me.
[Cross-posted.]
If You Use Contraceptives, You Will Not Be Raptured
This is, on one hand, comical in its total absurdity (hmm, you know, I'm actually quite fine with the idea that using contraception will prevent me from being raptured, as they'll also prevent me from being pregnant)—and, on the other, terrifying in its reckless recommendations against safe sex and appalling in its casual indifference toward people with AIDS who are shruggingly dismissed as merely "paying the consequences" for aggrieving God. Hatred is somehow preferable to this bloodless apathy.
People who hate at least have emotions that be appealed to, in the hopes of changing their minds.
[I've done a transcript, which is below. Video via Jill.]
Title Card: REVELATION UNRAVELED.
[An older white man stands outside in a snow-covered landscape, wearing a parka.]
William Tapley: Welcome to Revelation Unraveled. I'm your host, William Tapley [onscreen text: William Tapley, Third Eagle of the Apocalypse], also known as the Third Eagle of the Apocalypse, and the co-prophet of the End Times. In this program, I want to talk about contraception—and how using that will prevent you from being raptured.
Last week, the Pope made news headlines by saying that you cannot prevent AIDS through the use of condoms—and of course, he was correct. The only true way of preventing AIDS, or any other sexually transmitted diseases, is through a monogamous relationship between a husband and a wife.
Now I'm sure you Bible-believing Christians already know this: In Genesis, chapter 38, God shows his displeasure with contraception when he kills Onan. Onan uses the Planned Parenthood technique called withdrawal; that is, he spilled his seed upon the ground; and God was so displeased with this that he killed Onan.
Now I know a lot of people think, "Well, the Pope should not make the rules." They like to say: "If you don't play the game, you don't get to make the rules." But, of course, this is another lie from Satan. Can you tell me any game in which the player makes the rules? Did Mickey Mantle make the rules for baseball? Did Michael Jordan make the rules for basketball? Of course not. The person who makes the rules for any game is the inventor of the game.
And so I ask you: Who invented the game of sex? God invented the game of sex, and therefore, he gets to make the rules. And if you don't live by those rules, you will pay the consequences. In this life, you will get sexually transmitted diseases. And in the next life, you will suffer for all eternity. But in these end times, the most important thing for you to understand is that you will not be raptured if you are using condoms or any other kind of contraceptives.
Remember, when Jesus is talking about the rapture, in the Olivet Discourse, the parable he uses is about five wise and five foolish virgins. When St. John talks about the raptured protestants, one of the twelve characteristics are that they are virgins. Now this does not necessarily mean celibacy, but it certainly means chastity—and you cannot be chaste if you are using contraceptives.
Please do not expect to be raptured if you are into fornication, if you are into adultery, and if you are into contraceptives.
I know you won't get this message from Jack Van Impe, Hal Lindsey, John Hagee, or any of the other false prophets. That's because they want to give you a popular message. But you need to understand, for more than 400 years, even the protestant denominations preached against contraceptives.
Please don't be fooled by Satan. If you want to be raptured, if you want to be protected, you must live a virtuous life, as far as sexuality goes. Very, very few are going to be saved from the reign of tribulation.
St. John says only 144,000 will be raptured. That means that 99.99% of all Christians must face the great trial. And, in fact, God sends the great tribulation in order to test us, in order to bring us through the fire, so that we will be worthy to reign, with him, during the millennium.
And if you would like more information, simply write to the address [onscreen text: Third Eagle Books, 3038 Wall Street, Forestport, NY 13338] you see on your screen.
I Write Letters
Dear Experts at the University of Leeds:
Thank you, from the bottom of my cleavage, for dedicating yourselves to the important scientific pursuit of discerning the precisely right amount of skin I should show as a lady—40%—in order to find that balance which unmistakably conveys I'm horny and available but totes not a slut.
I'm also absolutely thrilled to finally be armed with the invaluable knowledge that "the most popular women [at nightclubs] combined the 40 per cent rule with tight clothing and provocative dancing."
Now I can finally ditch boring old Iain who fell in love with me (and I with him) across 4,000 miles via long and winding conversations about compelling topics, without the slightest regard for what I was wearing, and shake my perfect percentage-clad booty to pick up a dude at a nightclub.
Keep up the good work!
Love,
Liss
cc. Fannie
Friday Blogaround
This blogaround brought to you by Shaxco, makers of Deeky's Giant Exfoliation Gloves.
Recommended Reading:
Ginmar: Thank You for Your Service
Audacia: Online Course on Disability, Sexuality, and Rights
Andy: Uganda: 'Kill Gays' Bill 'Likely to Pass
Resistance: Boo!
Melissa: Sexism Watch: Hollywood Reporter's List of Top Films of the Decade
SarahMC: Have Yourself a Rapey Little Christmas
Mannion: Announcing the First Ever I Hate Robert Altman Film Festival
Leave your links in comments...
Of Course
In the WaPo's piece on the current state of the Senate healthcare legislation, titled, "Reid's recipe for getting health-care deal done," we find that Senator Ben Nelson (D-Umbass) has the recipe for mucking it up and driving progressive women even further from the Democratic Party:
As of late Thursday, the abortion issue remained the biggest point of contention. Sen. Ben Nelson (D-Neb.), who is among a handful of potential defections who could foil Reid in his quest for 60 votes, is expected to offer an amendment as soon as Friday that would ban abortion coverage in the Senate bill's scaled-back public plan. Nelson's measure would also prohibit people who receive tax credits for private health-care coverage from buying policies that include abortion services. Speaking to reporters Thursday morning, Nelson declared flatly that if his amendment fails, "I won't vote to move [the bill] off the floor."I'll say it again: This is the inevitable result of the Blue Dog-Big Orange-Conservative Democrat-win-at-all-costs fuckery that demoted women's fundamental right to bodily autonomy to a negotiable platform plank.
And let us not forget that abortion rights were considered a legit bargaining chip because it was MORE IMPORTANT to win back the Congress and the White House so we could end those two wars and stop extraordinary rendition and close Guantanamo and end the era of presidential secrecy and...
This week alone, Obama has escalated the war in Afghanistan, renewed his promise to close Guantanamo (thereby kicking that can yet further down the road), and invoked the separation of powers to prevent one of his staff from testifying before Congress.
That the willingness to compromise on my basic autonomy ain't working any better for the people who were willing to throw my rights under the bus is no comfort at all. In fact, it somehow makes the whole goddamned mess even worse.
Hopefully, unlike Stupak's amendment in the House, Nelson's will be defeated in the Senate.
Of course, even if it is, that doesn't mean some anti-choice horseshit won't end up in the final bill after reconciliation, anyway. More wait and see...
What Kind of Man Can't Control His Woman?!
Shaker SapphireCate emails:
Sending along an article from Murdoch's British flagship The Times: The Speaker of the House of commons (who was originally elected as a Tory) is married to a woman who is standing as a candidate for Labour. She decided, the tabloid press being what it is, to air all her skeletons in advance - namely that she is a recovering alcoholic (she doesn't use the phrase, but it's pretty clear from the article) and that she had casual sex before marriage.Indeed! Imagine the state of Britain today if Lord Thatcher hadn't kept "The Boss" in line while allowing her to lead the Tories for more than a decade!
The sad and predictable reaction - in an on-the-record quote (by a woman MP!) was:
"How can we ask the people to trust us, when the man who holds us to account has such poor judgment that he allowed his wife to give such an appalling, self-obsessed interview?" [my emphasis].
Aside from what this comment reveals about what the Tories (conservatives) broadly think about gender equality, it's also indicative of their belief about how Britain should be governed: By an iron-fisted leader whose first order of business is to control the people. And any man who can't control his woman isn't fit for the job.
Question of the Day
[We've done this one before, but most recently a year ago already...]
What's your personal theme song?
[Lyrics below.]
I don't give a damn 'bout my reputation
You're living in the past; it's a new generation
A girl can do what she wants to do
And that's what I'm gonna do
And I don't give a damn 'bout my bad reputation
Oh no, not me
And I don't give a damn 'bout my reputation
Never said I wanted to improve my station
And I'm only doin' good when I'm havin' fun
And I don't have to please no one
And I don't give a damn 'bout my bad reputation
Oh no, not me
Oh no, not me
I don't give a damn 'bout my reputation
I've never been afraid of any deviation
And I don't really care if ya think I'm strange
I ain't gonna change
And I'm never gonna care 'bout my bad reputation
Oh no, not me
Oh no, not me
(Pedal boys!)
And I don't give a damn 'bout my reputation
The world's in trouble; there's no communication
And everyone can say what they want to say
It never gets better anyway
So why should I care 'bout a bad reputation
Anyway
Oh no, not me
Oh no, not me
I don't give a damn 'bout my bad reputation
You're living in the past; it's a new generation
And I only feel good when I got no pain
And that's how I'm gonna stay
And I don't give a damn 'bout my bad reputation
Oh no, not me
Oh no, not me
Not me, not me!
I Like Matt Damon
I have mentioned once or twice before that I like Matt Damon. But, listen, it's not my fault that I'm a broken record: The guy keeps giving me reasons to like him.
One of the things I like about him a lot is the way he speaks about his family, his wife and three daughters. Speaking about them respectfully, movingly, and talking about how much he loves spending time with them, is a big teaspoon in a world in which men and fathers often speak about female partners and daughters as though they're a different species, or make "jokes" about the old ball-and-chain har har.
"I have come to judge good jobs and good directors by how my wife feels about them," Damon, 39, told guests at Tuesday's Museum of the Moving Image gala in New York City honoring Eastwood, 79. "And my wife loves Clint Eastwood."It shouldn't be notable to read about a famous man who regards his wife as his equal, and values her opinion, and their daughters as deserving of more respect than jokes about living on Venus. But it is.
..."Not only because her husband was happy everyday when he came home but because I got to do what I wanted to do and the way I wanted to do it," said Damon, who stars in Eastwood's Invictus (which, in Latin, means "unconquered"), due in theaters Dec. 11.
...Eastwood's quick turnaround filming schedule allowed Damon to spend daily quality family time with his wife and daughters, Alexia, 11, Isabella, 3, and Gia, 1.
"I had breakfast with [Luciana] and the kids every morning and dinner with them every night," says the proud dad. "I never thought I was sacrificing either family life or my work. It was perfect and that's the life that I hope I can crave out for myself as I go forward."
It's also unusual to hear a man speak so frankly about how a great work environment translates into a happier home life, a subject generally considered the purview of working mothers.
Quote of the Day
"Unfortunately Hollywood is still a system that doesn't produce a lot of great parts for black women and doesn't produce a lot of parts for women who aren't conventionally beautiful. And that's not going to change overnight."—Casting director Mark Bennett, on whether the film industry can find a place for Gabby Sidibe after Precious.
I find it profoundly depressing that this woman is not considered conventionally beautiful:
I am not surprised, naturally; I am well-versed in the bigotries of the image-makers driving the dominant/oppressive culture. But I still find it depressing.
Later in the same article, casting director Eyde Belasco (who cast Sidibe in another film, Yelling to the Sky) says: "Gabby does have a very specific look. But, hopefully, filmmakers and casting directors will want the best actress for the role."
A very specific look. The look of the women I see reaching for cereal at the grocery store, buying popcorn at the movies, waiting for their names to be called at the doctor's office, ordering food at a restaurant. The look of women at the other end of my phone. The look of women who are my friends and colleagues and neighbors.
Unconventionally beautiful women, all of them.
I live in a world that is impossibly full of unconventionally beautiful women.
Women's Healthcare Update
The Senate has passed the healthcare bill amendment proposed by Senator Barbara Mikulski (D-MD) which "would require insurance companies to offer free mammograms and other preventive services to women."
"The insurance companies take being a woman as a pre-existing condition," Ms. Mikulski said. "We face so many issues and hurdles. We can't get health care. We can't get health insurance because of pre-existing conditions called a C-section."Like other amendments to the bill, there's no guarantee it will end up in the final legislation, but it's good news that it passed.
She added, "My amendment offers key preventive services, including an annual women'’s health screening that would go to a comprehensive assessment, including the dangers to women in heart disease and in diabetes."
Here's something interesting, though: Senator Russ Feingold, normally one of the most progressive Democrats in the Senate, voted against the amendment. His reason?
"I am disappointed that the Senate health care debate has gotten off on the wrong foot," he said. "The first amendment voted on would add almost a billion dollars to our budget deficits over the next 10 years. We should make sure health plans cover women's preventive care and screenings, but we should also find a way to pay for it, rather than adding that cost to the already mountainous public debt."Echidne's response is spot-on: "Note how leaving these services out from the initial proposal can then make them into the bugbear that will bankrupt us."
This is the kind of shit that fuels conservatives' "special rights" memes about women, the LGBTQI community, people of color, people with disabilities, etc. People are excluded on the basis of not being straight, white, abled, cis men, and then when they propose legislation to lift them from the margins, they're accused of wanting "special rights."
It's absolutely despairing to see Feingold playing this game. I understand—and share—concerns about the cost of the healthcare reform as it's being conceived (i.e. with undeserved consideration for protecting insurance industry profits), but the attempt to ensure that women's basic healthcare isn't treated like something incidental to healthcare reform is not the place to make that point.
Daily Kitteh
