Alright, so, first one under the new regime.
Here's the scoop: we're looking for comments in this thread regaring acts of teaspooning you've seen or committed in the last few days.
This thread is only for those comments. Reports of acts. This explicitly means no "that's awesome!" comments in this thread; the focus is tightly on teaspooning.
If you wish to discuss something you've seen here, we will have a discussion thread for the NQDTR over here. Discussion threads will have the same code on them as the NQDTR itself (M091130 above: Monday, Nov.30/09). This is to make it easier for me to post and monitor them (consistent naming makes links easier). They'll also, to the best of my ability, be posted immediately after the NQDTR itself.
Remember that there is no requirement to read the Discussion Thread associated with a given NQDTR. You can just post your teaspoon and move on, if that's your thing.
Not Quite The Daily Teaspoon Report - M091130
Monday Blogaround
This Blogaround is brought to you by Shaxco, makers of Pocket Diversions. Pocket Diversions are a handy, portable way to create a diversion when a distant yet nosy relative at a holiday gathering starts grilling you about your "love life". Comes in Doorbell, Excuse Me the Cat Just Threw Up, and Something's Burning on the Stove!
Border House: [Trigger Warning] Second Life designer releases bruised skins
Jade Park: i can't hear you
I rarely talk about my stroke anymore, I am so determined to put it behind me. But occasionally, I’ll be reminded that I’m not exactly the same person I once was, and it takes me a little while to absorb that fact. Sure, we’re not the same person we were just 24 hours ago, because of all the things that happen to us in a day and all those things change us in tiny ways…but when you are changed by illness, especially at a younger age, there’s a sense that your life was…disrupted, that these changes don’t come about by normal process. Of course, illness is a part of life, but there’s an anger/discouragement attached to that…disruption.Two from Isis The Scientist:
Discrimination and the Power of a Word
Why no, Virginia. I'm Not a Mexican...
ME agenda: A link round-up on the XMRV retrovirus. This retrovirus may be associated with chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS), according to a paper published last month in the journal Science (pdf of the Science paper for those with access).
Cosmic Variance: First Collisions in the LHC!
Legal Momentum: New U.S. Crime Reports: Flawed Methodology Sharply Underestimates Rape Rates Against Women and Persons with Disabilities
Diary of an Anxious Black Woman: Moving Yet Sloppy Portrayal of a Harlem Girl: My Review of Precious (Spoilers)
Language Log: Snuckward Ho!
The Sewing Divas: Hot Patterns Free Slinky Shrug Download Simplified. The Divas give tips on how best to print out and use this free and simple sewing pattern, sizes 6 to 26, from the very tony Hot Patterns.
Today in Rape Culture
[Trigger warning.]
So, I've been watching Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew, which I suspected would by its very nature really be a show about surviving sexual assault, and, in fact, it is: Every one of the female patients has survived sexual assault, usually multiple incidents, as has the only gay male patient, Duncan.
There are also two straight male patients in the group, neither of whom have reported any sexual abuse.
In this weekend's episode, one of those two straight male patients, James, told one of the female patients, Jennifer, that he wanted to "rape the shit out of [her]." As the incident is discussed in group therapy, it's explained that it wasn't a threat, but an intended compliment. James explains he just wanted to "bring joy" to Jennifer.
Jennifer explains to him that he did not bring her joy, but caused her to feel anxious and scared for the entire day; she was shaking and couldn't eat. Some of the other women back her up by explaining, in no uncertain terms, that there's nothing "joyful" about rape. Later, in his room, James can do nothing but complain that he was being ganged up on, still mystified that saying he wanted to "rape the shit out of" Jennifer didn't bring her "joy."
That a young, privileged man who's never been sexually assaulted thinks rape is a compliment and is better at self-pity than empathy when called on his casual cruelty is hardly remarkable. What I did find remarkable, however (and not in a good way), was the reaction of the therapists during the group session.
Obviously, the scene is edited, so we can't know everything that has been said, but, given Duncan's reaction to (what seems to be) their lackadaisical response, it seems rather likely the response was just as insufficient as it appeared on the show:
Jennifer Ketcham (aka Penny Flame), Adult Entertainer: [choking back tears] I haven't allowed myself to feel anything in a long time, [deep breath] and the second that you said "rape," my head started turning, [deep breath] and it really fucked me up.
What irked the fuck out of me was Jill's assertion that "you can't cross a boundary if one hasn't been set" with regard to what James said to Jennifer—as if what he said wasn't a problem because Jennifer had never specifically said to him, "Please don't say you want to rape the shit out of me." As if Jennifer, who has already told the group that she is a survivor of multiple sexual assaults had the responsibility to communicate to James that she doesn't consider rape a compliment, rather than James having any responsibility for acknowledging the gravity of rape, even as he participates in a group including multiple survivors. As if there's some context in which saying he wants to "rape the shit out of" someone could be appropriate.
Jill Vermeire, Therapist: Mm-hmm.
Jennifer: If somebody tells you that they want to rape the shit out of you, it is crossing the line.
[James shakes his head. James is, btw, James Lovett, a professional surfer.]
Jill: I wanna say the reason you couldn't sit with it, and you were shaking, and you feel the way you feel, is because you really do wanna be better. [Jennifer is heard crying.] You really are here to get some help. You know, you wouldn't be feeling this way if you weren't ready. [Jennifer and Duncan dab at their eyes.] And I wanna say to James, too, and to everybody, you can't cross a boundary if one hasn't been set. So, you're setting the boundary, and you get to maintain it, and you get to now honor it, you know, so you have—it's our job to set our boundaries and hold our boundaries. There is none unless you have one.
Dr. Drew Pinsky, Internist and Assistant Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at the Keck USC School of Medicine: Duncan, you had a pretty powerful reaction to this thing—
Duncan Roy, Producer/Director: Well, I suppose I find it really hard to just, like, [makes sweeping gesture with hands]—well, that's that. And I think, you know, words do have a huge amount of power, "rape" being one of them, and especially with vulnerable girls, who are trying their damnedest to help themselves. And, you know, every single one of the women in here has, at some point—including myself—been in a situation where we've been at the mercy of men. And, as children, when we couldn't do anything about it. And for me, it's just like, it's all too easy to just brush it under the carpet. I'm sorry, but there you go. That's my feeling.
[The women nod in agreement; Duncan takes a deep breath.]
Dr. Drew: You're angry.
Duncan: I don't know. I care about her [gestures at Jennifer, who's sitting beside him] obviously, and it's that I don't want anything bad to happen to her, and I don't want to hear that somebody's said those things to her. You know, anybody. I can't bear it. [He shifts angrily in his seat and sighs emotionally.]
Jennifer: [her voice a squeak] Thank you, Duncan.
Duncan: Because she doesn't fucking deserve it, that's why.
Dr. Drew: None of you deserve the stuff that's happened—
[Nicole Narain gets up to give Jennifer a hug. Jennifer sobs gratefully.]
What makes the therapist's response even worse is that James is there as a sex addict himself. That he considers rape a compliment (no less a way of "bringing joy" to women) should be a huge red flag to the therapist that his respect, or lack of respect, for consent need to be explored. But instead of taking the opportunity to discuss consent with him at all, instead she effectively frames boundaries around rape jokes and threats as implicit consent unless someone tells you otherwise.
That's exactly the way opportunistic rapists view women—in a constant state of affirmative consent. Only someone who explicitly says "no" is off-limits (which is why incapacitated women are "fair game").
It's positively shocking to me that a therapist dealing with sex addicts would allow a teachable moment like that to pass, no less treat issues surrounding rape—even rape jokes and threats—as "our job to set our boundaries and hold our boundaries." That's certainly an important discussion for sex addicts (or any sexually active person) as regards involvement in consensual sexual activity, but in terms of sexual assault, it's precisely the wrong message.
Which is why Duncan jumped in to angrily protest that he could not accept how the situation was being handled, to explain why it's anathema to survivors to point out that the language of rape is a victimization all its own.
But why did it take one of the survivors in the group to reject the casual assertion that rape jokes and threats are fine until someone "sets a boundary" that they're not? I expect the promulgation of the rape culture in lots of spaces and from lots of people, but from a therapist whose expertise is sex addiction is not one of them. I've rarely seen such an egregious violation of a safe space—a sex addiction group therapy session in which a survivor was triggered by rape language, and the offender not only allowed to remain in the group after showing no remorse, but accommodated with an admonishment to the survivor to set firm boundaries.
This incident carries over into the next episode, and I'm very curious—and fearful—to see what happens next.
Blogginz Semi-Daily Dumpus
[Transcript/paraphrase by Liss below.]
A teensy wee kitten lies on its back. Adult hands tickle its belly, while a voice says: "Kitchy kitchy kitchy kitchy KIT!" On the last note of the nonsense sounds, the adult pulls hir hands back and makes jazz-hands, which are mimicked by the kitten. Rinse. Repeat. Totally adorable.
Anti-Gay Legislation in Uganda Sponsored by "The Family"
Last Wednesday, CaitieCat posted about what is perhaps the most heinous anti-gay legislation I've ever seen:
Under current Ugandan law, homosexuality is a crime punishable by life in prison. The proposed law would not just condemn HIV positive gay men and "repeat offenders" to death, it would also jail for three years anyone who knows a gay man but refuses to report them to authorities. Further, anyone who defends in public the rights of gays and lesbians would be subjected to a seven year prison term.Shaker Linkmeister mentioned in comments that Jeff Sharlet, author of The Family: The Secret Fundamentalism at the Heart of American Power—a recent book on the secretive fundamentalist organization of which many Congresspeople are members and which has been associated with a number of recent Congressional sex scandals (see more here, here, and here)—had been on NPR's "Fresh Air" and reported that the legislation was sponsored by a member of The Family.
"[The] legislator that introduced the bill, a guy named David Bahati, is a member of The Family," he said. "He appears to be a core member of The Family. He works, he organizes their Ugandan National Prayer Breakfast and oversees a African sort of student leadership program designed to create future leaders for Africa, into which The Family has poured millions of dollars working through a very convoluted chain of linkages passing the money over to Uganda."You know, one of the things that strikes me about "The Family" is that they're the very thing conservative Christians have always accuse Jews of being—some shadowy religious organization that tries to control governments in other countries. It's just like how that same flavor of Christian schemes to convert children by rewarding kids who bring friends to church and targeting the youth market with Christian wrestling and Christian rock concerts and Christian extreme sporting events, but they incessantly accuse gays and feminists of child recruitment. Projection, projection, projection. When you want to find out what they're doing, just consider what they're accusing us of doing.
And how did Sharlet discover the connection? "You follow [the] money," he said. You look at their archives. You do interviews where you can. It's not so invisible anymore. So that's how working with some research colleagues we discovered that David Bahati, the man behind this legislation, is really deeply, deeply involved in The Family's work in Uganda, that the ethics minister of Uganda, Museveni's kind of right-hand man, a guy named Nsaba Buturo, is also helping to organize The Family's National Prayer Breakfast. And here's a guy who has been the main force for this Anti-Homosexuality Act in Uganda's executive office and has been very vocal about what he's doing, in a rather extreme and hateful way. But these guys are not so much under the influence of The Family. They are, in Uganda, The Family."
[H/T to Shaker David.]
Radio Shakesville
Episode 13: Saudade
Here is a link to the podcast blog.
And this is the list of all songs used in this week's ep.
You can also play the show in a pop-up.
(Which is the recommended way to read Shakesville, by the by.)
The show is available via iTunes, and on Feedburner. The RSS is here, for those who are into that kind of thing.
Saudade is a Portuguese word that is not translatable into English but means "a vague and constant desire for something that does not and probably cannot exist."
I'm Shocked, Shocked, I Tell You
Actual Headline in the Washington Post: Palin particularly popular among fans of Limbaugh and Beck.
And here's an interesting side note:
Those who identify as Republicans today see themselves as more conservative politically than those who said so during the last years of the presidency of George W. Bush.If the Republican Party gets any more conservative, they'll need to reanimate the corpse of Mussolini to lead the ticket in 2012.
What the Hell?
Shaker Phyllis.
Going all The Price Is Right with her Xmas loot.
(If you've a ridiculous and/or embarrassing photo of yourself from your youth, please send it to shakerwhatthehell_at_yahoo_dot_com. I'll post them up as part of our series called What The Hell? so everyone can laugh
[See also: Deeky, Liss, evilsciencechick, katecontinued, ClumsyKisses, Mistress Sparkletoes, Liiiz, Reedme, Mama Shakes, Mustang Bobby, RedSonja, MomTFH, Portly Dyke, SteffaB, Icca, Christina, Orangelion03, Car, Siobhan, InfamousQBert, Maud, Rikibeth, MishaRN, CLD, Cheezwiz, MamaCarrie, Temeraire, somebodyoranother, goldengirl, Liss (again), summerwing, yeomanpip, Susan811, bbl, Deeky (Part II), A Daily Shakesville Fan, Sami_J, liberalandproud, Temeraire: Redux, Mama Shakes II, Bonus Deeky, OuyangDan, J.Goff, Iain, Talonas, The Great Indoors, gogo, kiwi_a, em_and_ink, Tik_bev, phdintraining, Deeky Freakhands, busydani, Jenny Anne, rowmyboat, DesertRose, Steve/Pido, Anne Onymous, phredrika, The Last of the Famous International Deekys, Iain, Another Mustang Bobby, mkp-hearts-nyc, Arvan, Norbizness, Electrasteph, SteffaB, molliecat, Aestas, catvoncat, Filthy Grandeur, Shelly, Mighty Doll, IraeNicole, sevenhelz, the Shaker Halloween Special, Mistress Sparkletoes, Neilleast, NapalmNacey, Rowan_Bristol, and ChelseaWantsOut.]
How to Teaspoon
This is one way.
Gist: a heterosexual couple in the UK are challenging the law that restricts marriage to heterosexual couples, saying they don't want to marry while the law is restricted in this way.
This, to me, is the best way to respond to privilege: be willing to use it to end itself.
Open Thread
Inviting you to make goofy faces and then laugh about how totes funny you can be.
The Virtual Pub Is Open
TFIF, Shakers!
Belly up to the bar,
and name your poison!
I'm thankful for you, Shakers.
More Charming Behavior from the Catholic Church
[Trigger warning.]
I honestly cannot understand how the Catholic Church can continue to be regarded as a moral authority on anything by anybody after decades of revelations that they prioritized their reputation over thousands of children (and adults) being sexually assaulted by their priests, the latest being that they colluded with police in Ireland to cover up the crimes.
The cover-ups spanned the tenures of four Dublin archbishops and continued through to the mid-1990s and beyond, even after the church was beginning to admit to its failings and had professed that it was confronting abuse by its priests.Not for nothing, but any "words of apology" are not only insufficient, but are effectively meaningless as long as the Holy See is still trying to redirect blame onto gay men.
But rather than helping the victims, the church was concerned only with "the maintenance of secrecy, the avoidance of scandal, the protection of the reputation of the church, and the preservation of its assets," said the 700-page report, prepared by a group appointed by the Irish government and called the Commission of Investigation Into the Catholic Archdiocese of Dublin.
In a statement, the current archbishop, Diarmuid Martin, acknowledged the "revolting story" of abuses that the report detailed, saying, "No words of apology will ever be sufficient."
I don't guess I need to point out that colluding with police to cover up sexual assaults not only denied justice to existent survivors, but ensured that even more survivors would be created. Forget sinful—this shit is immoral, unethical, and criminal.
But don't listen to me. I'm just an anti-Catholic, vulgar, trash-talking bigot. And everyone knows it's far worse to publicly object to the institutionalized protection of rapists and continual revictimization of their victims than it is to do such heinous things in the first place.
LOL! No.
New group tries to convince Cheney to run in 2012:
A new group wants former Vice President Dick Cheney back in the White House.This has to be a joke.
The organization - "Draft Dick Cheney 2012" - launched on Friday, and unveiled their new Web site. Their aim: To convince the former vice president to seek the Republican presidential nomination in the next race for the White House.
"The 2012 race for the Republican nomination for President will be about much more then who will be the party's standard bearer against Barack Obama, the race is about the heart and soul of the GOP," said Christopher Barron, one of the organizers of the Draft Cheney movement. "There is only one person in our party with the experience, political courage and unwavering commitment to the values that made our party strong – and that person is Dick Cheney."
Awesome. Totally Awesome.
[Transcript below.]
[Onscreen is an image of a Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends parade float with a house and a bunch of kids and puppets.]
Announcer: What happens to the invisible friends little kids invent after they don't need them anymore? Well, thanks to Cartoon Network, they wind up in Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends. Here's where you'll find a distorted but not disheartened Blue and his friends. Foster puppets are ready for their close-up, thanks to Cartoon Network and host tonight's movie, Destination: Imagination. The Foster pals sing "You're My Best Friend"—but watch carefully! We hear there is a special musical surprise.
Puppets: [singing] Ba, ba ba, ba ba, ba, ba ba, ba, ba ba, ba, ba ba ba ba ba ba! People let me tell you 'bout my best friend! / He's a warm-hearted person who loves me 'til the end! / People let me tell you that he's so much fun! / He—
[sound of record scratching; music stops; camera pans down to reveal Rick Astley emerging from the house as "Never Gonna Give You Up" begins to play]
Rick Astley: Sings "Never Gonna Give You Up," [lyrics] effectively Rickrolling the entire Macy's Day Parade. Takes a bow.
Announcer: That was Rick Astley, singing the Rickrolling phenom, "Never Gonna Give You Up."
Friday Blogaround
This blogaround brought to you by Shaxco, publishers of Deeky's "1001 Uses for Leftover Gravy."
Recommended Reading:
Zohra: It's 16 Days - Get Active
Audacia: Take Back the Tech to End Gender Based Violence
Tami: When Allies Fail - Pt. 2
Fannie: Anger and Non-Duality
Steve: A New Way of Doing Business
Andy: ABC Books Chris Brown After Dumping Adam Lambert
Leave your links in comments...
From the Mailbag
Items that are potentially triggering are prefaced with [TW].
[TW] Shaker Silvas sends this amazing collection of photographs of Pakistani women who have been attacked by acid. They are pictures of some of the bravest women on the planet, which is not hyperbole; the strength of these survivors is truly awe-inspiring. Nick Kristof: "Here in Pakistan, I've been investigating such acid attacks, which are commonly used to terrorize and subjugate women and girls in a swath of Asia from Afghanistan through Cambodia (men are almost never attacked with acid). Because women usually don't matter in this part of the world, their attackers are rarely prosecuted and acid sales are usually not controlled. It's a kind of terrorism that becomes accepted as part of the background noise in the region." (I would like to note that I'm both horrified and angry that the attackers are routinely referred to as "boys" in the photo essay.)
Shaker BrianG emails a heads-up that the Stonewall Family was chosen as WoW's Guild of the Month: "The Stonewall Family, originally started as a single guild – La Familia de Stonewall. It was founded in late 2007 by a handful of friends who had tried other gay/lesbian/bi/transgender and LGBT-friendly raiding guilds... but always felt they were somewhat lost in the shuffle, and never really felt a sense of 'family'. They wanted to start a guild where the social aspects of play and friendships were the most important factor, and where they would be able to avoid any anti-lgbt harassment. From that small group of friends, we have grown to a 'meta-guild' of over 700 members across 5 sub-guilds today."
[TW] Shaker Kelly forwards two articles from The Guardian: "The first is about the new classes being introduced to schools from ages 5 to 15 discouraging violence, particularly against women. The second is a report from Sara Payne into the treatment of rape victims." The second article, "Police ignore rape allegations if victim has been drinking," is particularly of interest given that Britain has one of the lowest rape conviction rates in the industrialized world and engages in huge amounts of public victim-blaming especially surrounding (female) drinking.
[TW] Shaker TBJ emails two articles about a murder trial in Oahu in which the victim was a trans woman. Both of them are problematic: This one starts out well, but ends on a positively disastrous note, allowing the murderer's defense attorney to refer to the victim as "him." But it's nowhere near as bad as this one, in which one of the prosecutors is quoted as saying, "It was a tough case in the sense that it involved a more sympathetic defendant than perhaps the victim was," effectively communicating that being a murderer is an improvement on being trans.
Shaker kat_st sends more fuckery from the Animal Rights Group That Shall Not Be Named: "I saw this pic in the free newspaper distributed on Melbourne's train network, MX, today."
[TW] Shaker ASDKids2 emails: "A woman was charged with a hate crime for her actions against another woman in a grocery store. The hater passed a Palestinian-American woman in hijab in an aisle, complaining loudly about how Nidal Hasan was, 'from the middle east.' She then followed her victim to the checkout and tried to rip the hijab from her victim's head. It wouldn't budge, causing her entire head to be yanked back. The victim followed the attacker out and presumably got her license plate number, because the cops arrested her shortly thereafter. Tinley Park, where this took place, is a heavily Muslim area (heavily for America, that is), and the cops took it quite seriously. I say hooray for the victim, who had the presence of mind to get the license plate number. My only complaint is to wonder why the attacker was not also charged with assault for the verbal attack and battery for the physical attack."
Shaker Kathy sends this video of Glenn Beck ruling out a Palin/Beck 2012 presidential ticket:
Beck: First of all, let me rule that out. Uhh, Palin/Beck? Ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous.
Unidentified Guy: She's far too smart for that.
Beck: No, I was just thinking, what—I'm going to take backseat to a chick?! [laughter; crosstalk] I mean, while you're at it shoot a bear! Make some stew! I'm hungry in here! [laughter]
Unidentified Guy: That's so great.
Shaker Meg forwards this gobsmacking example of the type of horrendous advice being doled out in advice columns:
Dear Amy: My girlfriend wants to "talk" again. She is currently experiencing her monthly cycle. Can I ask her to wait until this is over? She usually gets a bit worked up and later apologizes. I do not want to come across as inconsiderate. Based on past discussions, I'm sure she wants to talk about our future together. This is important but shouldn't it be done when she is a little more balanced? If you agree, can you offer a caring way to frame this statement of concern to talk at a later time? -- MattThere's even more where that came from, like: "You should also talk about her hormonal issues. Many women, myself included, don't quite realize the patterns in our monthly moods until someone else lovingly points them out to us." Wow.
Dear Matt: You might think: "Let's have this conversation at a time when I don't think your head will spin around and fall off." What you should say is, "I want to talk to you, too, honey -- because this is important. But for now, why don't you enjoy these flowers? Oh, and by the way, have you lost weight?" In short, dodge. Dodge, deflect and duck, if necessary.
[TW] Shaker Mark sends the link to this National Bureau of Economic Research working paper abstract (via The Sports Economist) on "Family Violence and Football: The Effect of Unexpected Emotional Cues on Violent Behavior." Writes Mark: "[The paper] is behind a pay wall, but the gist is 'Controlling for [a number of factors], we find that upset losses by the home [football] team (losses in games that the home team was predicted to win by more than 3 points) lead to an 8 percent increase in police reports of at-home male-on-female intimate partner violence.' The effect seems to increase if the loss is 'frustrating' or 'salient' (no definitions in the abstract)."
Evidence of what people involved in domestic abuse issues know intuitively and anecdotally: Men who abuse generally do so out of a need for control; men who abuse are not people who know how to express their emotions in a healthy way, so they are also more likely to engage in the Patriarchy-approved habit of limiting their expression of emotion to an association with sports; men who become deeply emotionally invested in a football team then feel out of control when their team loses; they are then more likely to abuse in an attempt to regain feelings of control.
File Under: Why feminism (which doesn't demean men for showing their human emotions in a healthy way) is good for everyone.
