Good morning (unless it isn't where you are, in which case I wish you Good $TIME_PERIOD), and welcome to this week's installment of Shakesville's networking post, Bread and Teaspoons*.
This is a weekly post, usually Tuesdays, providing a spot for Shakers to network a little with one another, see if we can help each other out some.
Also remember, if you're running or part of a small business, you're encouraged to drop links here for that. I'm happy to see Shakers makin' their own way in whatever manner that is.
This week's employment-related discussion topic was suggested by Liss and is Valuing Your Volunteering: How do you incorporate your volunteer activities into a professional resumé? (And if you're not already doing so, let's discuss why you should!)
Here's how it works: There should be four sorts of comments here.
1) You comment here with any details of work you're seeking: where, what, that sort of thing. You give an e-mail address at which you can be reached - feel free to set up a special e-mail for it, if you don't want to post your regular one for the world to spam - and if another Shaker has a lead, they can contact you directly to pass it along.
A work-seeking comment should include:
Please do NOT include information such as your full name or telephone number, as this is and will remain a public post, and once posted, there's no taking it back (because it'll be spidered by a search engine, not because we don't want you to).
It is explicitly alright to comment to this each week with similar info.
For example, I might post a comment saying:
I'm a professional translator of French, German and Russian, with nearly 17 years of experience. I'm looking for basically any translation job, academic, commercial, personal, genealogical, you name it, with one exception: I do not currently have certification, so if you need a certified translator (usually for legal docs: birth certificates, divorce decrees, wills), you need someone else.
I am also available as a writer or editor, for academic, journalistic, creative, marketing-oriented or any other type of written communication. Basically, if you'll pay me, I'll write or edit it. My company website is found here.
You can contact me for business purposes through my business address, cait@cogitantes.net.
2) The second type of comment would be task offering: if you've got a job you think might suit someone here, consider posting it as a comment. Use the same guidelines as above: give general information here, and specific information when you exchange e-mails. An offered task might look something like this:
I have a doctoral thesis which needs proofing and editing by Thursday, is anyone available? You can reach me at ABDShaker@shakesville.miskatonic.edu.
3) The third kind of comment I'd love to see is success stories! We'd love to know when this works out, and people actually find some employment through our efforts. If you feel like sharing, tell us how it worked out for you. :)
**NEW CATEGORY ADDED**
4) If you're a progressive working for or running a small business and would like to include a pointer to your business, you may do so. If you've never otherwise posted before here (i.e., you're a lurker), I may check in with you to be certain you're a Shaker and not a spammer. If it turns into a spamfest, or we start getting businesses that are of dubious progressive credentials, we may need to revisit this one, but let's give it a try.
So, that's what we'd like to see.
What we do NOT want to see:
So there. Have at it, Shakers, for Bread and Teaspoons!
Important disclaimers: Shakesville makes no endorsement or claim as to the capabilities of anyone commenting to this post, and anyone considering hiring someone should be prepared to treat it like any other business situation: DO YOUR DUE DILIGENCE. We're not doing any screening of this, so you'll want to make sure you check references, use safe-payment procedures (e.g., ask for a deposit), all the things you'd do when working with any stranger on the Internet. While this is intended for Shakers in general, remember that there is no real obstacle to being able to comment here, and do the things you need to do to keep yourself safe.
* As might be evident, this is an intentional reference to Bread and Roses, a longtime slogan of the left. In this case, though, my hope is that if we achieve steady bread, we will use it to power our teaspoon use.
The last several Bread and Teaspoons: Ten. Eleven. Twelve. Thirteen. Fourteen. Fifteen.
Bread and Teaspoons Sixteen
Just Add Love...and Misogyny!
In case the Suntanned Bikini Turkey just isn't grody enough for your holiday feast this year, Shaker Skirt forwarded me an email she received with another variation on "turn your turkey into a lady before you plunge a knife into it to carve it!" culinary splendiferousness.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING..........Here is a recipe I thought you would like for the holidays
Ingredients:
> 1 whole turkey
> 1 large lemon, cut into halves
> salt and pepper to taste
> butter or olive oil
> Heat oven to 350 degrees
> Rub butter or oil over the skin of the turkey until it is completely coated.
> Sprinkle with salt and pepper and any other seasonings you prefer.
> Take a knife and gently separate the skin from the breast meat.
> Slide lemon halves under the skin with the peel side up, one on each side. This way the juice from the lemon will release into the breasts.
> Cover and bake for 30-45 minutes.
> Remove cover and continue to roast until juices run clear, basting every 15-20 minutes.
> If you've followed these steps correctly, your turkey should look like the one in the picture.
> Bon Appétit!
Chicken head (?!) optional. For maximum misogyfuckery, I suggest replacing it with a Barbie Candy Glam Styling Head.
Fuck.
Obama to Escalate in Afghanistan
President Barack Obama met Monday evening with his national security team to finalize a plan to dispatch some 34,000 additional U.S. troops over the next year to what he's called "a war of necessity" in Afghanistan, U.S. officials told McClatchy.Don't worry: Surely nothing bad could come of this.
...The Monday evening meeting was the ninth that Obama has held on the crisis in Afghanistan, where the worsening war entered its ninth year last month. This year has seen violence reach unprecedented levels as the Taliban and allied groups have gained strength and expanded their reach.
Obama will reportedly "explain his decision in an address to the nation next Tuesday," and, according to anonymous officials (those guys again!), the address "will include an outline of an exit strategy."
That'd be awesome.
Hey—am I dreaming, or wasn't one of Obama's big reasons that he should get the Democratic nomination instead of Hillary Clinton was because she was too hawkish and would totes escalate the wars...? Eh, don't trust my memory. It hasn't been the same since I was beaten over the head for about 18 months with a cudgel labeled Roe.
I Write Letters
[Trigger warning.]
On Friday, I posted an unbelievable advert care of Method cleaning products in which chemical residue was equated with sexual assault and harassment. It is my typical habit to wait to write a letter myself until I see the response(s) Shakers have gotten, so I can frame my letter with the pre-packaged response(s) in mind. Below is the letter I've just sent to Method, after reading their despicable attempts to cast critics of the advert as hypersensitive rubes who just can't appreciate the nuance of their advertising.
-----------------------------
To Whom It May Concern:
Regarding your soap bubbles advert, to which I understand you've already received a number of complaints, I would like to share with you my personal experience.
I am a survival of sexual assault. This is not an incidental fact about me. It is, unfortunately, one of the defining features of my life, because I was not the same person I was after I was raped as I was before.
I have been sexually assaulted in my home, in a place where any woman should feel safe, but the reality is that women are about nine times more likely to be sexually assaulted in their homes, the home of someone they know, or anywhere else than being assaulted on the street, contrary to popular images and narratives about sexual assault.
That, your ad gets right.
Here's what it gets wrong: That there's anything—anything—amusing, clever, or appropriate about equating chemical residue with sexual assault and harassment. That the leering, objectification, and sexual bullying are perpetrated by anthropomorphized cartoons does not minimize the effect watching a woman be assaulted in her own home has. The victim is a human being either way, a fact of which you seem to have lost sight.
I am not, as your responses to other complainants have implied, too daft too appreciate the alleged humor of this commercial. Nor am I too unsophisticated to understand that the ad is a metaphor and "not to be interpreted literally." I get it. It is, in fact, because I get it, and because of your shameful attempts to dissociate yourself from using sexual assault as a humorous metaphor by accusing critics of not getting it, that I am writing to you.
Do not mistake my response for "offense." I am not offended; I am contemptuous. Do not believe that I am oversensitive because I am a survivor of sexual assault. I spend my days as an anti-rape advocate, reading and writing about the most horrible acts of sexual assault and harassment perpetrated against women every day. I assure you that I am not oversensitive about the implicit messaging in your ad. The problem, I'm afraid, is that you were not sensitive enough.
I will make sure my readership is well aware that your priority is to continue to defend an advert which minimizes the gravity of sexual assault and harassment than be an ally to survivors.
Sincerely,
Melissa McEwan
Shakesville.com
What the Hell?
Shaker Rowan_Bristol.
Waiting for the El.
(If you've a ridiculous and/or embarrassing photo of yourself from your youth, please send it to shakerwhatthehell_at_yahoo_dot_com. I'll post them up as part of our series called What The Hell? so everyone can laugh
[See also: Deeky, Liss, evilsciencechick, katecontinued, ClumsyKisses, Mistress Sparkletoes, Liiiz, Reedme, Mama Shakes, Mustang Bobby, RedSonja, MomTFH, Portly Dyke, SteffaB, Icca, Christina, Orangelion03, Car, Siobhan, InfamousQBert, Maud, Rikibeth, MishaRN, CLD, Cheezwiz, MamaCarrie, Temeraire, somebodyoranother, goldengirl, Liss (again), summerwing, yeomanpip, Susan811, bbl, Deeky (Part II), A Daily Shakesville Fan, Sami_J, liberalandproud, Temeraire: Redux, Mama Shakes II, Bonus Deeky, OuyangDan, J.Goff, Iain, Talonas, The Great Indoors, gogo, kiwi_a, em_and_ink, Tik_bev, phdintraining, Deeky Freakhands, busydani, Jenny Anne, rowmyboat, DesertRose, Steve/Pido, Anne Onymous, phredrika, The Last of the Famous International Deekys, Iain, Another Mustang Bobby, mkp-hearts-nyc, Arvan, Norbizness, Electrasteph, SteffaB, molliecat, Aestas, catvoncat, Filthy Grandeur, Shelly, Mighty Doll, IraeNicole, sevenhelz, the Shaker Halloween Special, Mistress Sparkletoes, Neilleast and NapalmNacey.]
Question of the Day
What is the best thing you've ever eaten? A meal, a dessert, a single piece of fruit, anything...
I would have to think a very long time to come up with exactly the tastiest thing ever, since I am a food explorer who is willing to try just about anything, but the very first thing that popped into my head, and is certainly at the top of the list, is chicken pastilla made for me by a Moroccan chef, a traditional Moroccan dish made with chicken, almonds, and cinnamon. I am practically drooling just thinking of it.
Daily Kitteh
Queen Matilda will destroy you with her powerful laser eyes if
you even consider attempting to depose her from her box throne.
Quote of the Day
"Well, I'll tell you this much—it's one of the discussions that we're having. ... We've got to do something in this country and I think that being in the public arena means you've got to be part of the solution. ... I am looking forward to moving ahead in the public arena—journalism, public policy and public life. "—Lou Dobbs, on the possibility that he will run for president in 2012.
You know, there was a time when I would have said: "Go for it, dumbass! I can't wait to see this debacle!"
But that was before the McCain-Palin ticket was a serious contender for the presidency. Now I don't make jokes like that anymore.
Today's Edition of "Conniving and Sinister"
Strips One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 61, 62, 63, 64, 65, 66, 67, 68, 69, 70, 71, 72. In which Liss reimagines the long-running comic "Frank & Ernest," about two old straight white guys "telling it like it is," as a fat feminist white woman and a biracial queerbait telling it like it actually is from their perspectives. Hilarity ensues.
Shaker Gourmet: Thanksgiving 2009
Time for the annual post since this Thursday is (American) Thanksgiving. Where has the year gone?!
This year we will, again, be having the ever-classic weenies for our appetizer:
You can make "cocktail meatballs" with the same sauce, too.Cocktail Weenies
1 pkg Lil' Beef Smokies
1 12-oz jar Heinz Chili Sauce
1 tablespoon grape jelly (more if you'd rather have sweeter)
Mix it all in a crock pot. Cook on low for a couple hours before time to serve.
If you aren't stuffing it, toss a couple cloves of garlic, half an onion, and a few whole sprigs of fresh herbs into the cavity before tying the legs. You can also put a cup of wine or chicken broth into the bottom of the pan, which will add too your drippings for gravy. For more information on buying, thawing,cooking, and stuffing a turkey, see here.Herb-Scented Roast Turkey
* 1 T chopped fresh or 2 tsp dried rosemary leaves, crumbled
* 1 T chopped fresh or 2 tsp dried sage leaves, crumbled
* 1 tsp salt
* 1/4 tsp black pepper
* 2 cloves garlic, finely chopped
* 3/4 cup butter, softened
* 1 whole turkey (thawed, innards removed)
—Heat oven to 325. In small bowl, mix rosemary, sage, salt, pepper, and garlic; rub into turkey skin (and under, if you cut a small slit in the skin and put some herbs & butter in the opening--but don't cut too many slits into the skin!)
—Stuff turkey, if desired.
—On rack in shallow roasting pan, place turkey breast side up. Rub all over with butter. Tie the legs together with cooking twine.
—Roast turkey as directed by weight.
—Place turkey on platter, cover w/foil. Let stand appx 20 minutes
before carving.
I made this for the first time last year and it's a very tasty. If you get cube stuffing, you could make it just in a bowl and not as "muffins". (Original recipe here)Apple and Onion Stuffin' Muffins
* 2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil, 2 turns of the pan
* 1 stick butter, softened
* 1 fresh bay leaf, available in produce department
* 4 ribs celery and greens, from the heart, chopped (save time and purchase celery already washed, trimmed and cut into sticks, this makes chopping fast work)
* 1 medium to large yellow skinned onion, chopped
* 3 McIntosh apples, quartered and chopped
* Salt and pepper
* 2 tablespoons poultry seasoning
* 1/4 cup chopped fresh parsley leaves
* 8 cups cubed stuffing mix (recommended: Pepperidge Farm)
* 2 to 3 cups chicken stock, available in paper containers on the soup aisle
Directions
Preheat oven to 375 degrees F.
Preheat a large skillet over medium high heat. Add extra-virgin olive oil to skillet and 4 tablespoons butter. When butter melts, add bay leaf and add the vegetables as you chop them, celery, onions then apples. Sprinkle the vegetables and apples with salt, pepper and poultry seasoning. Cook 5 to 6 minutes to begin to soften vegetables and apples then add parsley and stuffing cubes to the pan and combine. Moisten the stuffing with chicken broth until all of the bread is soft but not wet.
Butter 12 muffin cups, 2 tins, liberally with remaining butter. Use an ice cream scoop to fill and mound up the stuffing in muffin tins. Remove the bay leaf as you scoop the stuffing when you come upon it. Bake until set and crisp on top, 10 to 15 minutes. Remove stuffin' muffins to a platter and serve hot or room temperature.
Cranberry Sauce, Jellied
1 12 oz package fresh cranberries
1 cup granulated sugar (or honey)
1 cup orange juice (or cranberry juice)
1 T orange zest
1/2 pkg pectin
-- Cook cranberries in orange juice until they burst (about 10 minutes)
-- Process in food mill on finest strainer setting. Return strained cranberries to pot and mix with sugar (or honey), zest, and pectin. Bring to roiling boil for full minute.
-- Put in bowl or mold and refrigerate several (at least 5) hours to cool completely and set.
This is one of the new ones for us this year!Spinach Madeline
2 packages frozen chopped spinach
4 T butter
2 T all-purpose flour
2 T chopped onion
1/2 cup evaporated milk
1/2 cup spinach liquid
1 6 oz roll jalapeño cheese, cut into small pieces
1 tsp Worcestershire sauce
1/2 tsp black pepper
3/4 tsp celery salt
3/4 tsp garlic salt
-- Cook spinach according to directions on package. Drain and reserve liquid.
-- Melt butter in a saucepan over low heat. Add flour, stirring until blended and smooth, but not brown. Add onion and cook until soft but not brown. Add evaporated milk and reserved spinach liquid slowly, stirring constantly to avoid lumps. Cook until smooth and thick; continue stirring.
-- Add the cheese, Worcestershire, black pepper, celery salt, & garlic salt. Stir until melted. Combine with cooked spinach.
-- Transfer to casserole dish. (Flavor is better if prepared a day in advance, refrigerate, and reheat in the oven the next day.)
The non-pumpkin pie dessert:
I've made this before and it is delicious. It's also a good breakfast cake treat. (Original recipe here)Pumpkin-Apple Streusel Cake
Apples
* 3 tablespoons unsalted butter
* 4 cups diced peeled cored Granny Smith apples (about 4 large)
* 3 tablespoons sugar
* 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
Cake
* 11/2 cups all purpose flour
* 1 cup (firmly packed) golden brown sugar
* 1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, cut into pieces, room temperature
* 1/2 teaspoon salt
* 3/4 cup canned pure pumpkin
* 1/3 cup sour cream
* 2 tablespoons sugar
* 2 teaspoons pumpkin pie spice
* 1 teaspoon baking soda
* 2 large eggs
For apples:
Melt butter in large nonstick skillet over medium-high heat. Add apples; sauté until apples begin to brown, about 5 minutes. Add sugar and cinnamon and sauté until golden brown, about 3 minutes longer. Cool.
For cake:
Preheat oven to 350°F. Butter 9-inch-diameter springform pan. Combine flour, brown sugar, butter, and salt in large bowl. Using electric mixer, beat until mixture resembles coarse meal. Set aside 2/3 cup of mixture for topping. Beat pumpkin, sour cream, 2 tablespoons sugar, spice, and baking soda into remaining flour mixture, beating just until smooth. Beat in eggs. Transfer batter to pan. Scatter apples evenly over top. Sprinkle reserved topping over apples.
Bake cake until topping is golden brown and tester inserted into center comes out clean, about 1 hour 10 minutes. Cool cake in pan on rack 20 minutes. Run knife around pan sides to loosen cake. Release pan sides from cake. Transfer cake to platter. (Can be made 6 hours ahead. Let stand at room temperature.) Serve warm or at room temperature with ice cream.
We're also having the usual mashed potatoes & gravy, ginger-apricot whole berry cranberries, corn, dinner rolls, sweet potato casserole, and pumpkin pie.
For other recipes & ideas see:
Thanksgiving 2008: Good Eats Roast Turkey, Gravy (and gravy making tips), Ginger Apricot Cranberry Sauce, Basic French Bread, Sweet Potato Balls.
Thanksgiving 2007: Bruschetta, Brie Mashed Potatoes, Sweet Potato Casserole (which I really recommend making with freshly baked yams, not canned sweet potatoes), Old Fashioned Dinner Rolls, Herb Bread & Dipping Oil, Bavarian Apple Torte.
For a non-pumpkin, non-apple, super easy dessert: Peanut Butter Pie
Feel free to share your ideas/recipes, too!
Meet-Up Recap & Thoughts for the Future
Thanks to everyone who attended the Chicagoland meet-up yesterday. It was, as always, so much fun. I loved meeting everyone new and seeing everyone who I haven't seen in awhile, and getting the opportunity to spend time with so many truly fabulous people.
My gratitude to RedSonja for leading the organizing of the event—and to everyone who said such nice things about Shakesville. I'm such an awkward git, and still don't really know how to receive that stuff yet, but please know it means the world to me to hear how much Shakesville means to other people.
Shaker Rowan_Bristol brought me a Yorkie bar. The special ingredient is misogyny!
Shaker Dani gave me an absolutely amazing henna tattoo on my chubbly wee hand!
So…because a lot of people have been asking for more advance notice for a meet-up, mark this on your calendars: Saturday, March 27, 2010. ShakesCon. Chicago. Be there or be square!
What's that? You want more details? Oh. Okay, well, the details will depend on how many people are really interested in coming from out of town to attend a meet-up, because the difference between 50 people and 100 people means a totally different venue. So let me know in comments if you think you'd want/be likely to attend, and we'll go from there.
Assvertising
[Man and woman stand at the window of a cabin; it is dark and stormy.]Shaker Siobhan asked me to post this one; every time it comes on the television, Iain looks over at me to watch my eyes roll so far back in my head that I practically strain them. I hate Kay's marketing to begin with: The whole "Every kiss begins with Kay!" shtick is utterly barf-inducing with its implicit suggestion that women are just whores who trade affection for shiny presents. But adding the element of women being scared little girls who need men to put their strong arms around them in thunderstorms just about sends me over the bloody edge.
Man: In all the years we've been coming here, I've never seen a storm like this. [Lightning flashes and thunder crashes; the woman turns into the man's arms like a scared child; man grins at her patronizingly.] I'm right here. [He pulls out a jewelry box.] And I always will be. [The woman opens the jewelry box, revealing a necklace; she smiles up at him.]
Male Voiceover: The new "Love's Embrace" collection from Kay Jewelers. Now you can surround her with the strength of your love. [Couple embraces; shape of necklace is shown to be mimicking his arms wrapped her and hers around his neck.] Give her diamonds in a design that captures the comfort found in each other's arms. [Images of necklaces onscreen; text: "Collection from $79.99 to $1,800." Image of a Kay Jewelers in a mall.] One more reason Kay is the number one jewelry store in America.
[Cut back to woman now wearing necklace embracing the man once again.]
Woman: Don't let go. Ever. [They kiss.]
Jingle: Every kiss begins with Kay! [Text on screen: Words of jingle punctuated by a glinting diamond.]
And, btw, if this necklace is about "captur[ing] the comfort found in each other's arms," then why is it not a gender-neutral design…? Oh wait—I know this one: Because it's not really about any mutual comfort found in "each other's" arms at all, but about the same old tired narratives about heterocentrist romantic love, male dominance, and the protection/rescue of women behind a wholly fabricated and incoherent story about an egalitarian partnership.
This is a gift meant to be purchased by a straight man who fancies himself a modern sort, but still defines his manhood primarily as a protector and provider, who thinks he believes that men and women are equal because he doesn't actively discriminate, and doesn't have the self-awareness to see that regarding women as "in need of his protection," he is merely a benevolent oppressor, but still an oppressor all the same.
That's called chivalry, and, at its essence, it translates to: "In exchange for other inequalities that will be perpetuated against you to maintain our privilege, we'll protect you from the worst of our lot."
And, evidently, thunderstorms.
[Assvertising: Parts One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, Eleven, Twelve, Thirteen, Fourteen, Fifteen, Sixteen, Seventeen, Eighteen, Nineteen, Twenty, Twenty-One, Twenty-Two, Twenty-Three, Twenty-Four, Twenty-Five, Twenty-Six, Twenty-Seven, Twenty-Eight, Twenty-Nine, Thirty, Thirty-One, Thirty-Two, Thirty-Three, Thirty-Four, Thirty-Five, Thirty-Six, Thirty-Seven, Thirty-Eight, Thirty-Nine, Forty, Forty-One, Forty-Two, Forty-Three, Forty-Four, Forty-Five, Forty-Six, Forty-Seven, Forty-Eight, Forty-Nine, Fifty, Fifty-One, Fifty-Two, Fifty-Three, Fifty-Four, Fifty-Five, Fifty-Six, Fifty-Seven, Fifty-Eight, Fifty-Nine, Sixty, Sixty-One, Sixty-Two, Sixty-Three, Sixty-Four, Sixty-Five, Sixty-Six, Sixty-Seven, Sixty-Eight, Sixty-Nine, Seventy, Seventy-One, Seventy-Two, Seventy-Three, Seventy-Four, Seventy-Five, Seventy-Six, Seventy-Seven, Seventy-Eight, Seventy-Nine, Eighty, Eighty-One, Eighty-Two, Eighty-Three, Eighty-Four, Eighty-Five, Eighty-Six, Eighty-Seven.]
The Not Quite Daily Teaspoon Report
I've still not had a chance to take time and go through the discussion thread from last Wednesday/Thursday (what with being at Shakes Manor, and cursing at the CNN, and shaking our heads in disbelief at Saturday Night Live, and petting kittehs, et c.). So today's edition will continue with the current regime: tight focus, only teaspoon comments allowed.
I should be home tomorrow night, which will give me a chance to look through the thread and see if i can find a path which will maximize the satisfaction function.
Until then, have at it, Shakers! Tell us all about the teaspooning you've seen and done in the last few days.
ô,ôP
SNL Is Totes Edgy, Bitchez!
[Trigger warning.]
Above is the opening segment from this weekend's Saturday Night Live. I'm not going to do a transcript, because the content can be easily summarized as: A sketch set at a joint press conference with the not-black Fred Armisen (still) playing President Barack Obama in blackface, and the not-Asian Will Forte playing Chinese President Hu Jintao not in yellowface but speaking ching-chong Chinese with the Iranian Nasim Pedrad playing his translator, also not in yellowface but speaking with a terrible Chinese accent.
The appalling racism would have been bad enough, except that the fictitious press conference casts President Hu Jintao in the role of an aggravated lender who doesn't like how his money is being spent, which eventually turns into a protracted rape joke starting at about 3:40 when the translator says that the Chinese president has asked: "Will you kiss me?" and explains the question to the perplexed American president with: "I like to be kissed when SOMEONE IS DOING SEX TO ME!"
For the rest of the sketch, Forte offers up his ass to Armisen in increasingly "hilarious" overtures.
We watched this travesty live at Shakes Manor, jaws dropped, blinking at each other in disbelief and snort-laughing incredulously. Said I: "Well. I guess I know what I'll be blogging about Monday."
[Thanks to the Angry Asian Man for the video.]
Monday Blogaround
This blogaround brought to you by Shaxco, makers of Deeky's Asshole Cakes, for all your 39th Birthday Needs.
Recommended Reading:
Renee: Adam Lambert Unleashes Teh Gay!!! (Also see Andy.)
Echidne: Take Your Hope Where You Find It
Lambert: Enjoy Fish While You Can
MaryAnn: How the Hell Adorable Is Tucker Max?
Macon: Stuff White People Do: Get Inside the Heads of Non-White People
Melissa: New Moon Brings a New Dawn in Hollywood
SEK: You don't need to know what the science means to establish what the words mean to scientists.
Leave your links in comments...
Overheard
...at IHOP just now:
Woman A (inspecting bottle at her table): "Hot syrup"? What's that mean?
Woman B: It's probably spicy.
Her Brilliant Career
There's a long profile of Secretary of State Hillary Clinton in December's Vogue, "Her Brilliant Career," which I highly recommend reading. It has some of the same problems that most profiles of Clinton (and other prominent women have): What I would call merely basic decency or thoughtfulness or empathy shown by any nice person is, when demonstrated by Hillary Clinton and viewed by a male reporter, called "mothering." But there is much to appreciate in the piece, too.
I really liked this, which underlines the experience I wrote about here:
Clinton, a woman from politics, knows how to work a crowd. Sometimes her motorcade would arrive and she would jump out and just plunge right in, getting out ahead of her security team, who often looked a little panicked. She danced her funky little dance at the dinners held in her honor (as seen on YouTube). In Cape Town, she threw a party for the press and drank with the best of us, talking for more than two hours, into the night, with surprising off-the-record candor about everything from her husband to her disdain for certain world leaders. She's fun. She laughs at herself. And she is full of surprisingly sharp, pointy little retorts, barbs, and comebacks. On several occasions she drifted to the back of the plane, allowing zesty debates to flower, often asking, "What's your take?" of different reporters, who hung on her every word. One of them told me his opinion of Hillary had completely turned around: "My parents hated her, and I thought she was a bitch who surrounded herself with horrible people. But she's nice! She's really frank and blunt and funny. … I like her."And this:
There were so many strange and sublime moments on this trip: a woman farmer in a cornfield outside Nairobi squealing with delight when she met Clinton, "I am one of the women you speak about all the time! You are meeting me! And I have met Hillary Clinton!" A handshake from Sheikh Sharif, the president of Somalia, that clearly moved Clinton. "He was very touching," she says. "He had immense dignity, coming to me publicly, a representative of both the United States and a woman." A moment in Pretoria when a reporter asked the South African minister of foreign affairs, Maite Nkoana-Mashabane (who oddly enough looked a bit like Clinton in her robust bearing and bright colors), what has changed about South Africa's relations with the United States and she shot back with an edge in her voice, "The zeal and passion that Hillary Clinton brings to the relationship is what has changed!" Clinton speaking to a group of African businessmen: "Because people are poor doesn't mean that they don't have any money."If you read nothing else, read the last few paragraphs that begin with "Two hours later, my phone rings. Clinton would like to do the interview…"
The most extraordinary day of the entire trip was a testament to this very idea, what Clinton calls "smart power," and it is something she is very passionate about: that the micro-economies of the poor are deeply important, and when the so-called soft issues—violence against women, food safety and agriculture, sustainable development—are not tended to, the result is chaos, instability, conflict, and war. The Victoria Mxenge housing development, a project outside Cape Town started by a few homeless women who were living on the side of the road with their children, has grown through microloans into a sprawling 50,000-home development. Clinton had visited as First Lady in 1997 and then brought President Clinton back a year later. When her motorcade arrived there on a glorious Saturday afternoon, she was met by a ragtag brass band that had a New Orleans vibe, women ululating at the top of their lungs, choral singers, and dancers, and it all added up to an explosion of joy—a happy chaos. Hundreds of people behind barricades screamed and pushed and reached out to touch Clinton as she ran along the line; some of the women were in tears. One of them yelled, "It is so nice to see you again!" Clinton was ebullient. Caroline Adler, a young State Department staffer, said, "She gets crowds wherever she goes. But this? This is unique. This feels like euphoria."
[H/T to Historiann.]
Today in Fat Hatin'
Shaker InfamousQBert forwards this story about Lincoln University in Pennsylvania which makes having a BMI of 30 or less a condition of graduation. If you're 31+, you don't get your diploma without taking a fitness course.
So if my fat ass were attending Lincoln University, they wouldn't let me graduate without taking "HPR 103 Fitness Walking/Conditioning." Never mind that my brain works fine. (I wonder: What about someone with a BMI of 31+ who can't walk?)
And that's pretty much all I have to say about that.
In better news, Shaker ClumsyKisses sends this article from the Daily Express which, despite being peppered with some pretty stupid ZOMG DEATH FAT tropes, notes that fad dieting can actually make someone fat. The article would have been significantly improved if they've noted specifically that fad eating plans and "slimming aids" designed to "speed up metabolism" can also fuck up the metabolism long-term, so that even people who go back to eating "normally" after a crash diet might well gain more weight from the same eating habits than they did before.
But, you know, baby steps.
