Shakesville

Ikea Jesus Wins the Internetz

This? Is the greatest story in the history of the series of tubez.

First of all, it's a story about a Jesus sighting, which of course I love. Secondly, there's a picture, which I can't resist:

Third, everything about it is just perfect. The headline: "'Jesus face' spotted on the toilet door in Ikea Glasgow." The picture caption: "Jesus, or possibly Gandalf, as spotted on the door of the gents' toilets in a Glasgow branch of Ikea." The lede: "A bearded face, with long flowing hair, is plainly visible on the wooden door of the men's toilet in the Braehead outlet of the Swedish furniture and meatballs giant." The quote from a shopper: "It's certainly not what you expect to find in an Ikea store. Mind you, you need a little divine intervention to get out of here sometimes." The store take on the visage: "In a further twist, Ikea bosses claim that the image is really Benny Anderson, of the Eurovision Song Contest-winning Swedish 1970s Europop outfit ABBA. A spokeswoman said: 'Swedishness is engrained in every part of our stores'."

And then there's the related article call-out:

["Related Articles: Jesus found in jar of Marmite"]
OMG! Stop, stop! I can't take anymore! LOLOLOLOLOL!!!

*dies*

[Holy folks Gone Wild: Weeping and bleeding and appearing in Cheetos, more Cheetos, pretzels, fire and on pancakes, baking sheets, pizza pans, doggy doors, ice, peanuts, x-rays, turtles, ultrasounds, chocolate, dying plants, sheet metal, trees, more trees, more trees, more trees, more trees, more trees, wardrobes, water stains, plates of pasta, drywall, fish, grilled cheese sandwiches, and potato chips.]

Secular Saboteurs

Oh, lookee: My old friend Bill Donohue has been given a guest column by the Washington Post, which he uses to rant and rave about "secular saboteurs" who are ruining America for all the poor, oppressed Christians.

You know, like our Christian president, our last Christian president, their almost exclusively Christian administrations who relentlessly pander to conservative and/or moderate Christians, the almost totally Christian Supreme Court, an almost entirely Christian Congress who start each session with a prayer, and the millions and millions of other American Christians whose day of worship is still respected in various state laws across the country (like in Indiana, where you still can't shop for a car or buy booze on a Sunday), whose views are reflected in various federal laws (like denying same-sex couples the right of marriage in order to protect its "sanctity"), whose holidays are also national holidays, whose holy book must be sworn on in state and federal courts, and whose churches are not required to pay taxes.

Yes, those poor, oppressed Christians must form an alliance with other conservative religious groups, argues my old friend Bill, because it's the "only way secular saboteurs can be stopped." He then concludes:

The culture war is up for grabs. The good news is that religious conservatives continue to breed like rabbits, while secular saboteurs have shut down: they're too busy walking their dogs, going to bathhouses and aborting their kids. Time, it seems, is on the side of the angels.

It's so true. I barely have time to keep this blog going with all the time I spend at the bathhouse.

Bill Donohue once came after me personally because I was a "secular saboteur"—a feminist, an atheist, an LGBTQI ally, an advocate of multiculturalism. I was to be destroyed—fired, discredited, bankrupted—because I was an enemy to the traditional values of this Christian nation.

Fast forward two years, and more of America shares my views than ever before. Donohue's a relic and a joke. His column reads like the death rattle of a dinosaur lumbering toward extinction, so manifestly disassociated from anything resembling reality that it can't possibly be taken seriously by thoughtful people. It's almost enough to make me pity him.

The irony is that with his column, with his whole hateful martyr shtick, he's doing more to discredit "the traditional values of this Christian nation" than I ever have, or ever could. Keep talking, Bill. Keep on talking.

Open Thread

Hosted by Zombie James K. Polk.

Two-Minute Nostalgia Sublime

Roc

Question of the Day

Suggested by Shaker Esme: Who's your favorite living poet?

I'm on a Staceyann Chin rampage at the moment, which happens every six months or so. My favorite poem in the world is Recreation by Audre Lorde, and Chin's poems all seem to contain that same sensual power.

I Get Letters

Thanks for blocking my comments I made about Adam and his Racy pictures. You're a true feminist after all. Some women actually love to f*** okay, some women actually love sex. Some women actually fantasize about Adam. (Many women actually fantasize about Adam). I spend a whole lot of time that I shouldn't chatting with them on various sites. So I would know this. You keep up your little pity party for women you call feminists just because you've never ever been able to "get off" in your whole entire lives.

Nice to see the "feminists hate sex" meme is alive and well.

Quote Unquote

Today's email exchange between Liss and me (thanks, ~~asshole~~ grammar police):

Deeky: On balloon boy's father:

Heene believes the world is going to end in 2012. Because of that, he wanted to make money quickly, become rich enough to build a bunker or something underground, where he can be safe from the sun exploding.

Liss: Because if the sun explodes, that's definitely a survivable event. As long as you've got a "bunker or something."

Deeky: LOL!!!! Exactly! Reminds me of the commercial for 2012 I saw last night that featured this brilliant tag-line "Mankind's earliest civilization warned us this day would come... If only we'd listened." And done what exactly? It's not like you can stop the Apocalypse with the proper planning.

Daily Kitteh

Fatsy Cat is sleepy.

Freakonomics Fail

[Trigger warning.]

From the Freakonomics dudez who have previously brought us a comparison between prostitution to rice consumption, a PMS tracking tool, and some awesome theories on why the vast majority of hate mail comes from men, now comes a splendid article puzzling over why it is that more ladies aren't high-end prostitutes.

I don't have much to add to what Echidne (who points out they never event try to answer why) and Anna (who points out they never even come close to a race/class analysis) have already said, except for this: They also fundamentally misrepresent why a lot of men go to prostitutes.

To hear Levitt and Dubner explain it, men go to prostitutes because they want more sex than they can get for free. But a lot of men go to prostitutes because they want different sex than they can get for free. The closest Levitt and Dubner come to addressing this issue is here:

Allie says she is "a little more liberal" than some prostitutes when it comes to satisfying a client's unusual request. There was, for instance, the fellow back in Texas who still flew her in regularly and asked her to incorporate some devices he kept in a briefcase in a session most people wouldn't even recognise as sex per se.

Which itself doesn't come anywhere close to one of the major deterrents against sex work: Lots of johns solicit the company of female sex workers because the "sex" they want is actually rape.

There are plenty of men who will pay (or not) for the opportunity to force a woman to do something to which she hasn't agreed, or deliberately hurt her in the act of doing something to which she has. It is only because we have persistent and pervasive cultural narratives about sex workers "implicitly consenting" to anything and everything a paying customer wants that we don't acknowledge that sex workers' defined boundaries are frequently and flagrantly breached by customers who know that their crimes will not be prosecuted by virtue of those very same narratives.

They know, in fact, their crimes are unlikely to even be reported, because sex work is still technically illegal in most of the world, which buys their victims' silence.

The rape culture is writing a long-ass article glamorizing prostitution and wondering why more women don't enter the profession and never once mentioning the word "rape."

Random YouTubery

"Wake up, Andreas!"

[There's no transcript; at the beginning, Mum, offscreen, asks the cat if zie wants to wake up Andreas, but other than that it's just music. Via Chris.]

Photo of the Day

Naturally, A-Rod is being mercilessly mocked for having been caught on tape grabbing his teammate's ass, but I say if you wouldn't squeeze Derek Jeter's ass for good luck, there's obviously something wrong with you. It's known to have magical powers!

[Via Andy. In case it's not obvious, I'm posting this because anyone who also happens to read sports and/or pop culture sites where this is being posted will be subjected to threads rife with homophobic ugliness, so I figured it would be nice to open up a place for serious discussion about homophobia in sports here, where the thread will be heavily moderated.]

Today's Edition of "Conniving and Sinister"

Strips One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50. In which Liss reimagines the long-running comic "Frank & Ernest," about two old straight white guys "telling it like it is," as a fat feminist white woman and a biracial queerbait telling it like it actually is from their perspectives. Hilarity ensues.

What I'm Listening To

The new Pearl Jam album is very good.

IMO, it's their best effort since Vitalogy. It feels really mature, in the best senses of the word, very tangible, and Eddie Vedder's voice sounds awesome. Here's "Just Breathe" from Backspacer:

[Lyrics below.]

Yes, I understand that every life must end, uh huh.
As we sit alone, I know someday we must go, uh huh.
Oh, I'm a lucky man to count on both hands the ones I love.
Some folks have just one, yeah, others they got none, uh huh.

Stay with me.
Oh, let's just breathe.

Practiced are my sins, never gonna let me win, uh huh.
Under everything, just another human being, uh huh.
Yeah, I don't wanna hurt, there's so much in this world
To make me bleed.

Stay with me.
Oh, you're all I see.

Did I say that I need you?
Did I say that I want you?
Oh, if I didn't I'm a fool, you see.
No one knows this more than me.

As I come clean.

I wonder everyday as I look upon your face, uh huh.
Everything you gave and nothing you would take, uh huh.
Nothing you would take; everything you gave.

Did I say that I need you?
Oh, did I say that I want you?
Oh, if I didn't I'm a fool, you see.
No one knows this more than me.

And I come clean.

Nothing you would take; everything you gave.
Oh, hold me till I die; meet you on the other side.

Quote of the Day

"America was once their country. They sense they are losing it. And they are right."—Pat Buchanan, in an article so full of fury-making fail that it would be impossible to address it all in a single post. Have at it in comments, Shakers.

Adam Lambert Fail

The new issue of Details magazine features on its cover American Idol runner-up Adam Lambert, who recently confirmed in a Rolling Stone interview what everyone already knew—that he's gay. So why is it that Details decided to promote its out gay cover star on its website with an image of him grabbing an almost-naked woman accompanied by the text: "Adam Lambert Gets Lucky: Why does every woman in America want to sleep with the American Idol?"

[Note: Image below fold is possibly NSFW.]

The story about Lambert (to which I won't link, for reasons that will shortly become evident) is accompanied by a slideshow of images (and video) from the photo shoot, in which Lambert was photographed in [images NSFW] sexually explicit positions with the model, who is naked. Which would almost make a sad sort of sense, given that nearly the entire article is about women wanting to have sex with Lambert, except for the fact that the images are not of a woman throwing her bra—or herself—at him; they're of him being sexual with a naked woman who's little more than a prop. You know, just like a straight boy would.

I may be queer, but I can objectify women as good as any other dude can!

I find it really problematic that an out gay man feels obliged to participate in a photo shoot like this for a whole lot of reasons, but mostly I am just deeply aggravated by the perpetuation of the narrative that it is demeaning women that proves one's manhood.

It's particularly disappointing coming from Lambert, who noted in his Rolling Stone interview that part of the reason he came out is so he could avoid "looking over my shoulder all the time, thinking I have to hide, being scared of being found out, putting on a front, having a beard, going down the red carpet with some chick who is posing as my girlfriend. That's not cool, that's not being a rock star. I can't do that."

But he can do letting "some chick" drape her naked self across him for a photo shoot, because that is cool, that is being a rock star.

Dude, that's not being a rock star, either. That's just being a misogynist asshole like every other misogynist asshole who thinks it's "edgy" to objectify women, even though that shit hasn't been cutting edge since fucking cave paintings.

[H/T to Shaker Rebecca.]

Impossibly Beautiful

The November issue of Vanity Fair features a woman on the cover who is allegedly Penélope Cruz.

[Click to embiggen.]
The thing is, Penélope Cruz doesn't actually look like the woman on the cover of Vanity Fair at all. She looks like this:

Spanish actress Penélope Cruz arrives for the New York premiere screening of her movie "Broken Embraces" October 11, 2009. REUTERS. [Via.]

Actress Penélope Cruz attends a special screening of "Broken Embraces" (Los abrazos rotos) at the Toronto International Film Festival on Thursday, Sept. 10, 2009 in Toronto. AP. [Via.]

The thing I notice about the woman on the cover of Vanity Fair is that she looks decidedly less "ethnic" than the candid shots of Cruz, who is Spanish.

But then, I didn't even have to mention that, do I? It's patently obvious to anyone who can see the juxtaposed images that she's been given a nose job and a thorough skin-bleaching.

You know. To make her "more beautiful." Ahem.

------------------------

By way of reminder: Comments that try to suss out what changes, exactly, were made, and even comments noting that, for example, the removal of laugh lines because they are ZOMG wrinkles actually robs a face of its character or humanity, are welcome. Discussions of how "she looks prettier/hotter/better in the candid picture" and associated commentary (which would certainly make me feel like shit if I were the person being discussed) are not. So please comment in keeping with the series' intent, implicit in which is the question: If no one can ever be beautiful enough, then to what end is the pursuit of an elusive perfection?

[Via. Impossibly Beautiful: Parts One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, Eleven, Twelve, Thirteen, Fourteen, Fifteen, Sixteen, Seventeen, Eighteen, Nineteen, Twenty, Twenty-One, Twenty-Two, Twenty-Three, Twenty-Four, Twenty-Five, Twenty-Six, Twenty-Seven, Twenty-Eight, Twenty-Nine, Thirty, Thirty-One, Thirty-Two, Thirty-Three, Thirty-Four, Thirty-Five, Thirty-Six.]

Bread and Teaspoons Eleven

Good morning (unless it isn't where you are, in which case I wish you Good $TIME_PERIOD), and welcome to this week's installment of Shakesville's networking post, Bread and Teaspoons*.

This is a weekly post, usually Tuesdays, providing a spot for Shakers to network a little with one another, see if we can help each other out some.

I want to draw your attention to a comment posted late in last week’s B&T (and which you may thus have missed), where Shaker the2ndjay posted a link to a temporary opp in Massachusetts starting in November.

Also remember, if you’re running a small business, you’re encouraged to drop links here for that. I’m happy to see Shakers makin’ their own way in whatever manner that is.

Here's how it works: There should be four sorts of comments here.

1) You comment here with any details of work you're seeking: where, what, that sort of thing. You give an e-mail address at which you can be reached - feel free to set up a special e-mail for it, if you don't want to post your regular one for the world to spam - and if another Shaker has a lead, they can contact you directly to pass it along.

A work-seeking comment should include:

- a short summary of the skillset you're seeking work with;

- a short summary of your experience

- where you're looking for work to happen

- your contact e-mail

Please do NOT include information such as your full name or telephone number, as this is and will remain a public post, and once posted, there's no taking it back (because it'll be spidered by a search engine, not because we don't want you to).

It is explicitly alright to comment to this each week with similar info.

For example, I might post a comment saying:

I'm a professional translator of French, German and Russian, with nearly 17 years of experience. I'm looking for basically any translation job, academic, commercial, personal, genealogical, you name it, with one exception: I do not currently have certification, so if you need a certified translator (usually for legal docs: birth certificates, divorce decrees, wills), you need someone else.

I am also available as a writer or editor, for academic, journalistic, creative, marketing-oriented or any other type of written communication. Basically, if you'll pay me, I'll write or edit it.

You can contact me for business purposes through my business address, translatey.caitie@translateycaitie.com.**

2) The second type of comment would be task offering: if you've got a job you think might suit someone here, consider posting it as a comment. Use the same guidelines as above: give general information here, and specific information when you exchange e-mails. An offered task might look something like this:

I have a doctoral thesis which needs proofing and editing by Thursday, is anyone available? You can reach me at ABDShaker@shakesville.miskatonic.edu.

3) The third kind of comment I'd love to see is success stories! We’d love to know when this works out, and people actually find some employment through our efforts. If you feel like sharing, tell us how it worked out for you. :)

**NEW CATEGORY ADDED**

4) If you’re a progressive working for or running a small business and would like to include a pointer to your business, you may do so. If you’ve never otherwise posted before here (i.e., you’re a lurker), I may check in with you to be certain you’re a Shaker and not a spammer. If it turns into a spamfest, or we start getting businesses that are of dubious progressive credentials, we may need to revisit this one, but let’s give it a try.

So, that's what we'd like to see.

What we do NOT want to see:

- recommendations/references, even for other Shakers - leave those for the contact phase of your negotiation

- rates info - again, leave this for the contact phase of your negotiation; we don't want to encourage bidding wars between Shakers

- illegal employment - whatever we may think of a given law against a certain activity, we don't want to put Shakesville in any awkward spots legally

- links to job search, agency or other sites - this is meant to be Shaker-to-Shaker, here, not a spamming point for other sites; only link to sites which are yours

So there. Have at it, Shakers, for Bread and Teaspoons!

Important disclaimers: Shakesville makes no endorsement or claim as to the capabilities of anyone commenting to this post, and anyone considering hiring someone should be prepared to treat it like any other business situation: DO YOUR DUE DILIGENCE. We're not doing any screening of this, so you'll want to make sure you check references, use safe-payment procedures (e.g., ask for a deposit), all the things you'd do when working with any stranger on the Internet. While this is intended for Shakers in general, remember that there is no real obstacle to being able to comment here, and do the things you need to do to keep yourself safe.

* As might be evident, this is an intentional reference to Bread and Roses, a longtime slogan of the left. In this case, though, my hope is that if we achieve steady bread, we will use it to power our teaspoon use.

** Now, don't go writing to that one yet, because that's not my actual domain name (which I've not got running yet, but should soon), and I'm only using it as an example (though it happens to be true). The e-mail listed for me under Contributors works just fine for now, if you've got something for me.

The last several Bread and Teaspoons: Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten.

Today in Healthcare

Public option gains support: Clear Majority Now Backs Plan.

A new Washington Post-ABC News poll shows that support for a government-run health-care plan to compete with private insurers has rebounded from its summertime lows and wins clear majority support from the public.

Americans remain sharply divided about the overall packages moving closer to votes in Congress and President Obama's leadership on the issue, reflecting the partisan battle that has raged for months over the administration's top legislative priority. But sizable majorities back two key and controversial provisions: both the so-called public option and a new mandate that would require all Americans to carry health insurance.

Independents and senior citizens, two groups crucial to the debate, have warmed to the idea of a public option, and are particularly supportive if it would be administered by the states and limited to those without access to affordable private coverage.

This is the kind of cognitive dissonance I will never understand about American non-progressives: They're scared of a public option because it might limit their choice, but then they support a public option being limited only to people without access to anything else. So people who get insurance through their job can't opt into the public option if they're unhappy with their plan. And people who can afford some shitty private coverage can't opt into the public option if they're unhappy with their plan. And the public option is for people who only have that option. Meaning that no one has any choices. STILL. Except for the wealthy and healthy who can pay for whatever private plan they want. Great.

The longer this goes on, the worse this reform is going to be. I'm starting to genuinely fear that whatever happens now is only going to push single-payer universal healthcare down the road even further.

Meanwhile, Shaker Hoshi sends this blub-inducing story about a husband and father who's joined the Army at age 39 just to get health coverage for his wife, who is battling ovarian cancer. And every idiot in Congress who's against single payer, not just the public option, should read this and explain why they refuse to make our country a place where no one has to worry about coverage or paperwork or this plan or that plan, but instead can just walk into a hospital and get the goddamned treatment they need.

Still Not Wanted: Girl Geeks

Despite Yahoo's user demographic being 52% female, they decided it would be a good idea to pay for lap dances for male employees [link NSFW-ish] at the 2009 Hack Day festivities in Taiwan.

Yahoo waited more than 24 hours to respond after the public complaints started in earnest, and this is what they came up with: "Hack Girls from Y!'s Taiwan event don't reflect our values. Was inappropriate, we regret offending anyone. We'll ensure won't happen again."

You know what I just love about that response (aside from its pathetically perfunctory tone and complete avoidance of the issue that they paid for the lap dances)? That it's the girls who don't reflect their values. Not the men who got the dances; not the employee(s) who set up the lap dances; not the men who cheered the whole mess on, but the girls themselves.

Who, after all, were just doing the job they were hired to do. Which makes them, by any reasonable definition, more professional than the Yahoo employees who hired them in the first place.

[H/T to Shaker IvyCeltress. Previously in Geek Girls Not Wanted: One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten.]

Open Thread

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Chilling and Thrilling!