You Go, Grrl: Hilary Lister

Hilary Lister, 37, has become the first quadriplegic to sail solo around Britain:

The Oxford-educated biochemist, who suffers from a rare, progressive neurological disorder that has left her paralysed from the neck down, completed the final leg of a marathon voyage undertaken in a series of 40 day-long sails.

Using advanced technology allowing her to steer and control the sails by sucking and blowing through plastic straws, she sailed alone with a support team only helping her into and out of her boat, Me Too. After being briefly becalmed in the Channel last night, she finally crossed the finishing line to cheering crowds at 6.45pm.

...Lister, from Canterbury, Kent, suffers from reflex sympathetic dystrophy and can only move her head, eyes and mouth. ... "I'm so relieved to be home but looking forward to the next challenge," she said before a bottle of celebratory champagne was opened. "One thing I've learnt is that you can't predict the future, we couldn't even predict tomorrow's weather so I'm not ruling anything out or anything in."
Awesome. Totally awesome.

I'd like to note that The Guardian identifies Lister as "the first female quadriplegic to sail solo around Britain," but she is, in fact, the first quadriplegic to sail solo around Britain full-stop, female or otherwise.

[H/T to Shaker Essen.]

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I Want To Play, Too

by Shaker Selasphorus

I'm a gamer; by this, I mean I love playing video games.

After visiting our friends and seeing their NES with Super Mario Bros 2, Mega Man, and the shiny gold Legend of Zelda cartridge, my brother and I begged and pleaded until our parents bought us a used NES out of the classifieds. We then graduated through consoles as next gens came out, pooling our money and bickering about which games to purchase.

In those pre-internet days, we had to use trial and error and the tips section of Nintendo Power to get our way through tight spots in games, and we'd stay up late (on the weekends) working through the games. I've gone from the original Game Boy brick through the rest of Nintendo's handhelds, up to my blue and black DS Lite. Now I live with a gamer husband who plays on the latest consoles and gets lots of the new releases.

I've played video games for most of my life. I can play most basslines in Rock Band on Hard, I've gotten all the possible endings in Chrono Trigger, and I can do a Super Metroid speedrun in under two hours. I'm someone who has devoted many hours, angry curses, and thrills of achievement to video games.

But I really don't play video games as much as I used to.

I've discovered that what interests me now are rarely the games touted as brand new and groundbreaking, but the games that are reiterations of the familiar and beloved. Even then, I have to be choosy. I'll play new games in the Metroid series, but I won't play Shadow Complex, the game that imitates the classic side-scroller Metroid games in every way, except in replacing the strong female protagonist of Samus Aran--the futuristic defender against the alien manace--with some guy whose girlfriend got kidnapped. (Apparently there's more to the plot and the girlfriend than that, but I really couldn't get past the initial objective of "rescue girlfriend.")

When I look closer at my choosiness, I see that I am avoiding a lot of the big name amazing new releases that are supposed to change the face of video gaming forever. My husband buys and rents a lot of video games, and most of them I never touch. I used to be excited about upcoming releases; now I find a game I want to play maybe once or twice a year, and stumble onto just a few more by accident. Why is that?

I think it's in part because what I want in a video game just isn't important to the developers. Sure, there's plenty of games that don't seem tailored specifically to the 18-34 dudebro demographic, but that demographic is generally at the forefront of developers' minds when it comes to The Next Great Gaming Experience. I find myself uninterested in all of them. The games that do appeal just don't seem to be on same radar as "real" video games. And even the developers that are consistently innovating in new ways beyond that dudebro demo? I just don't find myself drawn to most of their products either, maybe because they are also emphasizing the dudebro demo in other games and other ways.

See, there's this thing about video games that's been made fairly obvious to all of us girl gamers: Video games are for guys. Well, okay, they used to be for kids, I guess, and some still are, but "real" games, the ones with the huge budgets and hardware-pushing awesomeness and the most amazing graphics you've ever seen and midnight release parties that turn into cultural events? Those are for guys. Dudebro guys, too, not gay guys or bi guys or straight guys who aren't dudebros. They almost always feature straight male protagonists sneaking around or blowing things up or saving the world. And the women are an afterthought. Or sometimes worse than an afterthought.

It was my husband, reader of video game related news that he is, who brought my attention to this article: Women Aren't Vending Machines: How Video Games Perpetuate the Commodity Model of Sex. (Beware: the comments are the usual cesspool.)

The author, Alex Raymond, references Thomas Macaulay Millar's essay "Toward a Performance Model of Sex" and the concept of sex as a commodity (which encourages rape culture), verses sex as a performance model (which encourages cooperation toward a mutually-desired outcome). The author then takes this and applies it in scrutinizing video games. And what do you know? Video games do perpetuate the commodity model! (Shocking, I know.) An upcoming game called Alpha Protocol, with a James Bond-esque protagonist, is used as an example. In this game, the player can get one of those bonus-points achievements for sleeping with every woman NPC in the game; this is called the "Ladies Man" achievement.

Naturally, there are a lot of things I can find wrong with this, but the author manages to lay it out very nicely and in much better wording than I can manage:

It is seriously problematic to have a game where the male player/avatar can have sex with any and every woman in the game. On top of reinforcing the commodity model of sex, it is desperately heteronormative. For all the player's "choice" of with whom to engage, there's no possibility that the player might want to have a relationship with another man. It also shows that lesbians just don't exist in this world, if every single woman is open to a sexual encounter with a man. In addition, it perpetuates the narrative of the Nice Guy (described in Millar's essay, and elsewhere): that men are entitled to sex from women if they follow the rules and do the right things, or in the case of Alpha Protocol, "select your responses wisely." It is not only dangerous but just plain unrealistic to portray a world in which every single woman is a potential sex partner: in the real world, there are lesbians, and there are straight or bisexual women who won't sleep with you no matter what you do, because they are human beings with their own preferences and desires and interests.
It is rather eye-opening to see it laid out so obviously and well-spoken; it's one of those moments when something snaps into place and you realize what's made you feel so uncomfortable has been put into words and given a name. Why yes, I am made uncomfortable by the way that video games promote sex as a reward and the problematic things this says about sex, women, and men!

Give the article a full read, but as I warned, most of the comments are the usual nastiness about how it's "not real life" and excuses along the lines of "but this is how video games have always been." You know what I say to that? Developers are continually pushing the boundaries of what we understand to be possible in video games. Why can't we have video games that present a more realistic and more inclusive world view?

While it's true that when you have a multi-million dollar project, it's going to be developed with an eye toward maximizing profits, and that's done by tailoring it to the demographic developers (and marketers) determined to be most likely to eat up what they produce, that nonetheless further marginalizes all these other groups who would desperately love to play video games but keep being told that video games, or at least "real" video games, are not for them--unless they're willing to compromise their self-respect.

And there's more of us than they know, because we just aren't playing the games that make us feel like we don't exist, or that we exist only to further the plot, or even just to further some sideline bonus points that isn't even required to complete the game. I'm really tired of being told that if I don't like Grand Theft Auto, I can just go back to playing Pokémon; while it's true that Pokémon games are among the few I do feel free to play without feeling like I'm compromising my self-respect, I don't like that my options are that limited, especially given the problematic association that "a game I feel free to play" is also a game marketed primarily at kids. It's not a "real" game (despite the overwhelming success of the series) because "real" games come rated at least T for Teen and with plenty of guns and explosions on the most cutting-edge consoles.

I know it's not impossible. Even though it's hard to get an alternative game out there, and it involves all sorts of marketing dollars that are usually going to The Next Great Gaming Experience, some of you are managing to do it right. Last year I played World of Goo as downloadable content on the Wii. I loved it and its zany Tim Burton-esque art style, the innovative game mechanics, and overall sheer addictiveness. I even got through it using only one of the three available skips for challenging levels, and even then I went back and cleared that after I finished the game. But that is one of the only original games of last year, one that wasn't newest in a series I trusted, that I played and loved and recommended to my friends. Out of all the video games last year released on all consoles and handhelds, that was pretty much it for me. I'm sure there were more games I could have played and enjoyed; I just didn't hear about them, or get them presented to me in a way that made me interested.

So, I have a request of game developers who are trying to swim upstream: I know some of you out there are actually listening and innovating and making games that don't make me feel invisible. Tell us what we can do to help you do more. To get these games developed and then to get our hands on them.

To the game developers who are making more of the same sexist dudebro explosionfests, I have a very important question: How are these games amazingly groundbreaking and sure to change the very way we see video games if all they're doing is repeating the tired old turf with Amazing Action Man? It doesn't seem very groundbreaking to me if it's just an update on a very overdone formula that only includes a significant but very select group of gamers. We're here, the gamers that don't fit into your sexist, heteronormative worldview, and we'd like to play without handing over our self-respect.

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...Starring Deeky!

In which Liss re-imagines masterpieces of modern cinema, making them a billion times better by adding me (Deeky: A Ramón Novarro for a New Generation) to their iconic posters. Today: What I'd look like as a blonde.



Homo Alone

This week's top-grossing films: Braveheart, The Shining, Cinema Paradiso, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Jaws, Mamma Mia!.

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Feel the Homomentum!

Or rather, taste the homomentum: Ben and Jerry's is renaming* their popular Chubby Hubby flavor for the month of September to honor Vermont's first legal same-sex marriages:


Vermont begins issuing marriage licenses to gay couples today.
A Ben and Jerry's wedding truck will cross Vermont, from which free Hubby Hubby will be handed out to the public.
Congratulations to all the newlyweds!

---
*Clarification: the ice cream will be renamed in Vermont scoop shops, but tubs of the flavor nationwide will not be relabeled for logistical reasons. The article I linked says, "Hubby Hubby will be available across Vermont in Ben & Jerry's parlours but Chubby Hubby tubs will not be officially renamed across the US. If this were to take place, the process would take the company another 18 months to revise and finalise." Just pointing that out for non-Vermont Shakers who wanted to run right out and buy some Hubby Hubby!

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If You're Not Already Against the Death Penalty...

...this oughtta do it.

In 2000, after thirteen people on death row in Illinois were exonerated, George Ryan, who was then governor of the state, suspended the death penalty. Though he had been a longtime advocate of capital punishment, he declared that he could no longer support a system that has "come so close to the ultimate nightmare—the state's taking of innocent life." Former Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O'Connor has said that the "execution of a legally and factually innocent person would be a constitutionally intolerable event."

Such a case has become a kind of grisly Holy Grail among opponents of capital punishment. ... Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia, in 2006, voted with a majority to uphold the death penalty in a Kansas case. In his opinion, Scalia declared that, in the modern judicial system, there has not been "a single case—not one—in which it is clear that a person was executed for a crime he did not commit. If such an event had occurred in recent years, we would not have to hunt for it; the innocent's name would be shouted from the rooftops."

...Over the years, [Cameron Todd Willingham's] letters home became increasingly despairing. "This is a hard place, and it makes a person hard inside," he wrote. "I told myself that was one thing I did not want and that was for this place to make me bitter, but it is hard." He went on, "They have [executed] at least one person every month I have been here. It is senseless and brutal. ... You see, we are not living in here, we are only existing." In 1996, he wrote, "I just been trying to figure out why after having a wife and 3 beautiful children that I loved my life has to end like this. And sometimes it just seems like it is not worth it all. ... In the 3 1/2 years I been here I have never felt that my life was as worthless and desolate as it is now."
I implore you to read the whole thing. Keep the tissues close.

Thanks to Shaker Alicia for passing that on.

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What The Hell?



Shaker kiwi_a

Because it's winter down there, ain't it?

[See also: Deeky, Liss, evilsciencechick, katecontinued, ClumsyKisses, Mistress Sparkletoes, Liiiz, Reedme, Mama Shakes, Mustang Bobby, RedSonja, MomTFH, Portly Dyke, SteffaB, Icca, Christina, Orangelion03, Car, Siobhan, InfamousQBert, Maud, Rikibeth, MishaRN, CLD, Cheezwiz, MamaCarrie, Temeraire, somebodyoranother, goldengirl, Liss (again), summerwing, yeomanpip, Susan811, bbl, Deeky (Part II), A Daily Shakesville Fan, Sami_J, liberalandproud Temeraire: Redux, Mama Shakes II, Bonus Deeky, OuyangDan, J.Goff, Iain, Talonas, The Great Indoors, and gogo.]

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Two-Minute Nostalgia Sublime

Kids in the Hall: Flying Pig

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Question of the Day

What one Constitutional Amendment would you propose, irrespective of its chances for being adopted?

(Non-US Shakers, please feel welcome to propose either a US Constitutional Amendment, or an equivalent piece of legislation in your country of origin/residence.)

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Absolutism

I suppose it's a matter of semantics, but it's interesting to hear someone who is anti-abortion like Ross Douthat decry the "absolutism" of liberals like Ted Kennedy who was pro-choice -- the idea being that women have a right to make the choice about whether or not to carry a pregnancy to term and therefore may, without coercion from either side, make up their own mind -- while saying that his sister, the late Eunice Kennedy Shriver, was pro-life and therefore not an absolutist when it came to reproductive rights.

Pro-choice means exactly that: you have the right to choose, and assuming that because a woman has the right to have an abortion does not automatically mean she will have one. The only thing that should be "absolute" about it is that the choice should be hers and those she chooses to seek counsel from, be it her family, her spiritual counselor, or anyone else she decides to have a say in it, not some absolute stranger who stands on the sidewalk outside a clinic waving a sign, a bible, or a gun.

Cross-posted.

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Quote of the Day

"I'm not entirely sure that Dick Cheney's predictions on foreign policy have borne a whole lot of fruit over the last eight years in a way that have been either positive or, to the best of my recollection, very correct."—White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs, quite rightly implying that the media is wasting its time paying attention to anything the former veep and current concern troll has to say on foreign policy.

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Daily Kitteh



Sleepy wee pigglesface.

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Blogginz Semi-Daily Dumpus

Hey, assholes! Last night I was over at Shakes Manor to watch shitty awesome movies like Conan the Destroyer and eat some delicious 'za, when I told Liss I had envisioned a project I like to call "Tron Voight." This morning, she sent me this:


Absolutely perfect. The lesson is this, Shakers: Your dream, too, can become a reality.

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Rape is Hilarious, Part 35

[Trigger warning.]

Really, Ricky Gervais? Really?

Ricky Gervais has hit back at critics of a controversial joke about drink-driving in his new stage act - insisting the gag is "justified comedically".

The British funnyman launched his new stand-up show, Science, in Scotland in August, but the routine caused a stir when a reviewer picked up on a punchline about the consequences of driving a car while drunk.

Now Gervais has spoken out to defend his craft - insisting that, although the joke is "a big taboo", the reviewer for U.K. newspaper The Independent misrepresented what was said and twisted its meaning.

In a posting on his blog, Gervais writes: "I do the following joke live when talking about the perils of drink-driving: 'I've done it once and I'm really ashamed of it. It was Christmas - I'd had a couple of drinks and I took the car out. But I learned my lesson. I nearly killed an old lady. In the end I didn't kill her. In the end, I just raped her.'

"The joke clearly revolves around the misdirection in the term "nearly killed", suggesting "narrowly avoided". But, as it turns out, "nearly killed" means something much, much worse. A big taboo I'll admit, but justified comedically I feel.

"This is how a journalist in The Independent recounted the joke: 'I nearly knocked this old woman over... but I didn't. I raped her.' He then went on to say how disgusting and unfunny that joke is. He's right. It is both disgusting and unfunny. But that's his joke, not mine. It's nothing like mine. It contains no joke at all. He has shown how qualified he is to talk about humour."
Okay, first of all, the headline for this item is "Gervais Defends Drink-drive Gag." Yeah, uh, I don't think the drunk-driving part is the most objectionable part of this "joke."

Secondly, if I'm understanding correctly (and whilst giving Gervais the most favorable interpretation of his defense), Gervais is attempting to justify the joke by saying he's not making fun of rape, but merely using it as an example of something "much, much worse" than narrowly avoiding being killed by a drunk driver. The comedy is in the misdirection, he insists, not in treating rape as something inherently funny.

Okay, fine, whatfuckingever. Despite the fact that I strongly disagree any comic could use rape in that way without a significant portion of the audience laughing at the idea of the theoretical rape itself (see: the rest of this series), let's just concede his point for the sake of argument.

Sure, rape itself isn't the punchline. Fine. So then I have only one question: Why don't you give a fuck about the rape survivors in your audiences, Ricky Gervais?

As I've said before (and will no doubt be obliged to say again): I will never understand why anyone wants to be the total douchebag who blindsides someone by evoking her (or his) memories of being raped, in the guise of "humor."

I can't even tell you how pissed I'd be if I paid to go see Ricky Gervais only to discover I'd laid out hard-earned money (money earned challenging the rape culture, no less!) to see a show that included this "joke," because—silly me—I don't like being slapped upside the head with rape jokes when I'm trying to have a good time.

Quite honestly, it's not even because I particularly find such "jokes" personally triggering anymore; I generally just find them pathetic and inexplicable. I'm more bothered by the fact that this kind of humor (irrespective of the comic's intentions) normalizes and effectively minimizes the severity of rape and thus perpetuates the rape culture.

And I'm bothered by the thought of a woman who's recently been raped, who's just experienced what may be the worst thing that will ever happen to her, and goes to see her favorite comedian and have a much-needed laugh—only to hear him using that horrible, life-changing thing as part of a "joke."

I still don't understand—and I don't believe I ever will—why anyone wants to be the guy who sends that shiver down her spine, who makes her eyes burn hot with tears at an unwanted memory while everyone else laughs and laughs.

Millions of people who have survived sexual trauma, particularly (but not exclusively) those who survived multiple events or whose assault was accompanied by significant non-sexual violence, have post-traumatic stress disorder. (I am one of them.) This means that many of the victims of the most brutal rapists are the most likely, when triggered, to suffer a physical reaction. It is the height of callous indifference to prioritize a "joke" over the very real possibility of causing a survivor to have a panic attack in the middle of a full auditorium, left with the decision of staying put and suffering acute anxiety or standing up and walking out, taking the risk of possibly catching the comic's attention and becoming the center of attention at the worst conceivable moment.

Isn't that just fucking hilarious?

I'd love to hear how Gervais finds that "justified comedically." I suspect the explanation would be one of the many tiresome variations of "everybody's offended by something," even though any decent person with a shred of intellectual honesty knows, whether they'll publicly admit it or not, that being involuntarily and physically triggered is not the same thing as being offended.

This is hugely disappointing. Not merely that the joke was made, but that it's being so vociferously defended. The painful irony is that Gervais' defense of his "joke" is itself dependent on acknowledging that rape is a horrendous thing, and yet he's still willing to include it, and defend its inclusion, in a punchline for a general audience, which certainly includes rape survivors, people who paid money to go out and laugh—not have the grim specter of their violation invoked for yuks.

The thing is, I'm not sure he really understands how heinous rape actually is. I don't believe any man who will cast himself as a rapist, even (and perhaps especially) for a laugh, has any clue what they're saying. If they really understood what a (conscious) person being raped felt, looking up at the person forcing himself on hir, the abject terror, feeling his hot breath on hir neck, the stomach-churning revulsion, listening to him grunting and groaning, the red hot anger, struggling and clawing and resisting and succumbing and already feeling the creeping blame, the shame cutting through me like a knife, the horror of it, the unimaginable horror, oh god I can't believe this is happening, no goddamned person would ever cast himself as a rapist for a fucking joke. Not someone who understood. Not someone who'd ever even tried to understand.

[H/T to Shaker Jen. Rape is Hilarious: Parts One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, Eleven, Twelve, Thirteen, Fourteen, Fifteen, Sixteen, Seventeen, Eighteen, Nineteen, Twenty, Twenty-One, Twenty-Two, Twenty-Three, Twenty-Four, Twenty-Five, Twenty-Six, Twenty-Seven, Twenty-Eight, Twenty-Nine, Thirty, Thirty-One, Thirty-Two, Thirty-Three, Thirty-Four.]

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Ya Know—For Kids!

Yeah, this is appropriate.


At Gizmodo, Jesus Diaz says: "It rotates. It has blinking lights, a disco ball, and a pole. And it's probably one of the wrongest toys you can give to any girl." He also notes that, unlike the USB pole dancer, "this one is actually for kids." Delightful!

And, lest anyone misunderstand that I have a problem with this toy because I'm slut-shaming actual living, breathing, real-life pole-dancing ladies: No, I'm not. My objection to this item is that it introduces as a fun activity a sex act to which a child cannot consent and actively seeks to sexualize children, specifically girls, and specifically in an objectified and submissive sexual role.

[H/T to Shaker Roro80.]

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Monday Blogaround

This blogaround brought to you by Shaxco, proud sponsors of the "Dictionaries for Beck" literacy program.

Recommended Reading:

Pizza Diavola: I Wish [trigger warning]

Echidne: Meanwhile, in Afghanistan

LeMew: Useful Idiot of the Day

Jamison: What the WaPo's National Organization for Marriage Profile Left Out

Cycads: Purdah

And Happy Blogiversary to BAC!

Leave your links in comments...

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In Which I Substitute A Chain-Mail Questionaire For An Actual Post

These things get passed around fairly often, and I tend to ignore them. Usually, my answer would be "None of your god-damned business" to every question on one of these things. But today, an earlier respondent filled in #56 with "definitely not Deeky" so I went ahead and filled mine in. Out of spite. At Liss' urging I share this with you. Still, I think, the answers here are none of your god-damned business, but I'm in a giving mood, so there you have it.

Welcome to the 2009 edition of getting to know your Friends. Blah blah blah:

1. What time did you get up this morning? one of the cats woke me up about 4:30
2. Diamonds or pearls? diamonds are a girl's best friend
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Inglourious Basterds
4. What is your favorite TV show? Breaking Bad
5. What do you usually have for breakfast? nothing
6. What is your middle name? Ramón
7. What food do you dislike? McDonalds
8. What is your favorite CD at moment? Narrow Stairs by Death Cab For Cutie
9. What kind of car do you drive? Saturn
10. Favorite sandwich? club sandwich
11. What characteristic do you despise? piety
12. Favorite item of clothing? my blue necktie
13. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? Prague
14. Favorite brand of clothing? Kenneth Cole
15. Where would you retire to? Prague
16. What was your most memorable birthday? 2002
17. What is your favorite sport to watch? I hate sports
18. Furthest place you are sending this? St. Louis
19. Person you expect to send it back first? who knows?
20. When is your birthday? November
21. Are you a morning person or a night person? night
23. Pets? ten fish, various species
24. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with us? nope
25. What did you want to be when you grow up? an astronaut
26. How are you today? overdressed
27. What is your favorite candy? peanut butter cups
28. What is your favorite flower? aster
29. What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to? none, at the moment
30. What are you listening to right now? "I Want a Boy for My Birthday" by the Cookies (from 1963)
31. What was the last thing you ate? filet mignon
32. Do you wish on stars? nope
33. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? vermillion
34. How is the weather right now? how would I know? I'm stuck in a basement with no windows.
35. The first person you spoke to on the phone today? no one yet
36. Favorite soft drink? Cactus Cooler™
37. Favorite restaurant? A.J.'s steakhouse, Las Vegas
38. Real hair color? Reddish-brown
39. What was your favorite toy as a child? my Chewbacca action figure (because he was taller than the rest)
40. Summer or winter? Fall
41. Hugs or kisses? please don't touch me, thanks
42. Chocolate or Vanilla? vanilla covered in chocolate
43. Coffee or tea? coffee
44. Do you want your friends to email you back? not particularly
45. When was the last time you cried? I don't recall
46. What is under your bed? a suitcase full of letters from my husband
47. What did you do last night? moved furniture around
48. What are you afraid of? not much
49. Salty or sweet? no preference
50. How many keys on your key ring? two
51. How many years at your current job? six
52. Favorite day of the week? none
53. How many towns have you lived in? nine
54. Do you make friends easily? I'm a misanthrope
55. How many people will you send this to? not sure yet
56. How many will respond? see # 44

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The Nightmare I Built My Own World to Escape—My Terrible Bargain

by Shaker The White Lady

Melissa's post 'The Terrible Bargain We Have Regretfully Struck,' and all the posts that followed it, really struck a chord with me, because like so many of us here, I have had to strike my own terrible bargain. Like Lauredhel, my own terrible bargain was made in the context of my disability.

I say that I made this terrible bargain, but in reality it was made for me. I wasn't consulted about whether I wanted to be disabled: The decision was made for me, and I was left to deal with the consequences. These consequences play out every minute of every day…for me there is no respite, not even when I walk into my own home at night.

Most people don't even think about turning a tap on without hurting their hand. I don't have that luxury. I don't have the privilege of slipping a coat on in three seconds. I am not as physically strong as other people in my family; my mind doesn't process information so quickly. Because of this, they regularly make me into the butt of jokes. Perhaps some people feel able to relax and be themselves with their families, but I am not one of these lucky people.*

Every year at about this time, because I am in receipt of funding for disabled students, I get into arguments with my family. One close family member is completely against any form of 'positive discrimination' (what US readers will call 'affirmative action'). They feel it gives some students an unfair advantage. Instead of backing me up and telling this person that they are wrong, the rest of the family shuts me down, and tells me not to be so emotional.

I get emotional because: Hey, you know what? This isn't some intellectual exercise; this is MY LIFE we're talking about. But they choose not to see that, in favour of having a quiet evening.

I've tried protesting this, but it is the same scenario as above. I have no power in the situation. I rely on my family for almost everything, including transportation. Without my family to drive me in and out of town, I would spend up to four hours and five pounds a day travelling in and out to my destination, so an effective means of silencing me is to threaten to ban me from the car. If I show how hurt and humiliated I am, this is the response.

At university, I have had staff interrupt me in the middle of a sentence, which is problematic, beyond just being rude, given my particular disability. I have been contacted on my mobile by staff despite requests I not be. I have had my complaints dismissed and have been lectured to get used to decisions being made for me contrary to my wishes.

To paraphrase a sentence from Lauredhel's post, there are always people who say that you can speak up, but, as the saying goes, words are cheap. Theoretically, I could speak up. I could go to a higher authority and complain that staff have overstepped their boundaries, but the problem is that in this particular relationship, I don't have any real power. The facility where they work is the only way for me to get the funding I need, to get the help I need to function as a proper university student. If I complain, I run the risk of getting the help taken away from me.

I don't mean that they could literally cut my funding. I don't think they have that power, anyway. What I mean is they could make my life very difficult indeed. They could 'forget' to sign documents that mean that the person who takes notes for me in class gets paid. They could also conveniently forget to send off the forms that secure funding. Yes, I know, people would always say that they would never dare do such a thing, that to deny help to a student would be more than their job's worth, but what if they did? Even if people took steps to sort the mess out, life from day to day in the university environment would already have become difficult, if not impossible.

This then, is the terrible bargain in my life. To go back to Lauredhel's post, not all people mean well. The old saying that power corrupts is back in business, and while these people are rarely in positions of absolute power, they definitely have been corrupted by the little that they have. It makes me sad, because not everyone I have met has been like this. There are a few good people in my life, but I can't afford to trust them, because what if they turn out to be like others before them?

I don't trust you. I can't trust you. I am sorry for it, but I have learned this lesson from people who earned my trust, only to betray it later by taking advantage of their power over me, because they know I need them more than they need me.

I wrestle with this simple truth: How do I know I can trust you to do what is right?

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*Important note: My family (with a few possible exceptions) are the most wonderful people I could hope for. Unfortunately, they are human. They are not perfect. Nobody is.

[Terrible Bargain: One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six.]

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Today's Edition of "Conniving and Sinister"



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Strip One, Strip Two, Strip Three, Strip Four, Strip Five, Strip Six, Strip Seven, Strip Eight, Strip Nine, Strip Ten, Strip Eleven, Strip Twelve, Strip Thirteen, Strip Fourteen, Strip Fifteen, Strip Sixteen, Strip Seventeen, Strip Eighteen. In which Liss reimagines the long-running comic "Frank & Ernest," about two old straight white guys "telling it like it is," as a fat feminist white woman and a biracial queerbait telling it like it actually is from their perspectives. Hilarity ensues.

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News From Ft. Worth

Following up on a post I wrote a couple months ago, the Texas Alcoholic Beverage Commission has fired three agents involved in the June raid on a gay bar.

As you may recall, the raid happened to coincide with the anniversary of the Stonewall Riots, and left one patron in critical condition.

Two agents were fired for failing "to report that they used force when arresting the customer or that he was seriously injured" and for "participating in the raid without their supervisor's approval, disrupting the business during the raid and wearing improper attire." Their supervisor was fired for failing "to ensure that the agents submitted a report on using force during the arrest, did not take appropriate action after learning they didn't wear proper attire during the raid and did not notify supervisors that multiple arrests had been made that night."

Two others were also disciplined.

A report addressing whether the agents' use of force was appropriate during the raid is expected to be released in September.

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C is for Can't Spell

This week I've been telling you, "Ask questions. Ask questions." [flips through charts] Here are all the questions we have from just today. We have more. We have more you'll find 'em on the website at Glenn Beck dot com. [runs over to chalkboard on which is written:

* OBAMA
* LEFT-INTERNATIONALIST
* GRAFT
* ACORN STYLE ORGANIZATIONS
* REVOLUTIONARIES
* HIDDEN AGENDAS

and turns toward chalkboard with chalk] I told you that we were gonna, we were gonna talk about these things. We're gonna talk about Obama [circles O in "Obama" on chalkboard], the Left [circles L in "left"], internationalists [circles I in "internationalist"], graft [circles G in "graft"], ACORN-style organizations [circles A in "ACORN"], revolution [circles R in "revolutionaries"], and hidden agenda [circles H in "hidden"].

O-L-I-G-A-R-H. [writing letters as he speaks] One letter is missing. Why did I select these words? Because ACORN selects tides (?); they all select their, their words first and then tie 'em all together into one word. Oligarch! [underlines "oligarh"] The one that's missing is "Y." [writes a Y at the end of the word, to make "oligarhy"]

I don't know if we're turning into an oligarchy or what we're turning into. But unless you ask why, we're gonna transform into something! Ask questions—now!
Okay, here's a question: Do they have any dictionaries over there at Fox News, you giant dumbass?

[H/T to Iain.]

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