Famed TV pitchman Billy Mays, he of OxiClean fame, passed away Sunday at the age of fifty. Details are here. RIP, Billy. The world will be a little more dingy without you.
RIP Billy Mays
Famed TV pitchman Billy Mays, he of OxiClean fame, passed away Sunday at the age of fifty. Details are here. RIP, Billy. The world will be a little more dingy without you.
What The Hell?
Open Letter: To A Rectal Haberdasher
Dear Homophobic Asshat,
Hi? How are you? I'm queer as fuck.
I wanted to write to say thanks so much for your greeting when we arrived at Pride Day in Toronto yesterday. My girlfriend and I were so touched by your thoughtfulness in welcoming us to your city with the traditional, "If I had an Uzi, there'd be trouble here." I'll admit we weren't sure, initially, whether you were greeting us, or the young black woman walking past with her two beautiful kids. She and I shared a shrug, as we didn't know for whom your kind thoughts were intended: were you greeting her because you're just so loving of people with a different skin tone, or were you greeting us because you're just so loving of people who happen to be queer? Perhaps you might consider throwing some more specific slurs in, next time, so we know which of us should be proud of your attentions. We wouldn't want to miss a word of your intellectual grandeur.
But where it got really friendly was when you walked past us the second time, loudly hoping that we would have the pleasure of encountering a terrorist attack on our celebration day. It was nice to be able to pin down that yes, you were a homophobe, and not a racist. Or at least, not a racist today! I shouldn't assume you're monoodious, sorry about that - I'm sure you're capable of finding plenty of things to hate.
I'm sorry to disappoint, but in fact none of us filthy queers were killed by terrorists at Toronto Pride yesterday. But take heart, you're not the only one who believes the way you do. I'm sure you'll be able to find plenty of friends somewhere.
Anyway, that's all, just wanted to wave a cheery hello, and leave you with this thought:
We're here. We're queer. And we'll be back next year.
Good luck in your career as an anal milliner,
Caitiecat
Queer as Fuck and Proud as Hell
Wow
Governor Mark Sanford compares himself to King David (yes, that King David) in order to explain why he's not resigning, and then says the first step to "pick[ing] up the pieces" is humility—all without a trace of irony.
I've been doing a lot of soul searching on that front, and, um, what I find interesting is the story of David, and the way in which he fell mightily; he fell in very, very significant ways, but then picked up the pieces and built from there. And it really began with…humility—humility toward others, humility in one's own spirit.lol your fat lack of perspective
[ETA: Just to be clear, I don't think that anyone axiomatically needs to resign from public office over an infidelity. I do, however, think that someone who goes AWOL from his post for a week and charges taxpayers for international trips to get laid does. Sanford has a few more problems than a guy who gets caught with his pants down but does the job he was hired to do.]
Facts Schmacts
The Republican members of the house give their colleague Rep. Paul Broun (R-GA) a round of applause after he calls climate change a hoax and tells various lies about proposed climate change legislation, the American Clean Energy and Security Act:
Scientists all over this world say that the idea of human induced global climate change is one of the greatest hoaxes perpetrated out of the scientific community. It is a hoax. There is no scientific consensus.It's no wonder this country is fucked up when half the people running it are totally delusional.
But this is gonna kill jobs. It's gonna raise the cost of food. It's gonna raise the cost of medicines. It's gonna raise the cost of electricity and gasoline. Every good and service in this country is gonna go up.
And who's gonna be hurt most? The poor, the people on limited income, the retirees, the elderly, the people who can least afford to have their energy taxes raised by, MIT says, over $3100 per family.
This rule must be defeated. This bill must be defeated. We need to be good stewards of our environment, but this is not it; it's a hoax! I encourage people to vote against the rule and the bill.
From the Further Misadventures of a Fat Biker Bitch
[Thanks to Shaker Roramich for the title of this post. Background: I recently got a bike, and am having to re-learn to ride in a whole new way because of a back injury that left me with nerve damage in my left foot.]
It's been very, very hot here lately—the kind of hot that when you open the front door, the heat hits like you a puff of bad breath in your face. So the other day, I awoke early and decided to go for a short ride around 6:30am. I'm still re-learning, so I figured I would shoot for two miles, which wouldn't put me too far away from home if I had any trouble, and would get me home before it got unbearably hot.
It also meant I wouldn't have to carry a bag, since my bike came without a water bottle holder and I've not bought one yet. That did, however, leave me wondering what to do with my keys in pocketless pants, but, luckily, my keychain fob is big and flat, so I just tucked it down the back of my pants, letting the keys hang out, which worked just fine. And off I went.
It was an easy first mile, and I was really starting to feel like a bike-rider again. I felt rather good as I went into the turn at the top of my mile—and then promptly fell off my bike in another hilarious slo-mo tumble into the grass.
My injuries were more pathetic than serious, although I was left with a very impressive bruise:
What was more annoying than my devastating wounds was the fact that I'd fallen into long grass that was still dewy so early in the day. I hadn't really planned or desired to ride my second mile all wet, but such is the life of a Fat Biker Bitch.
My second mile went well, too, although I was a bit tired, a lot thirsty, and now a bit sore from the fall, by the time I got home. I pulled into the driveway and reached 'round for my keys.
No keys.
Well. There was nothing for it. No point in getting angry or upset; I just hopped back on my bike. The fates—with a little help from my own ineptitude—had decided I was going on a four-mile ride instead.
The last two were, blissfully, fall-free.
I'm totes getting a water bottle holder for my dang bike this weekend—and figuring out somewhere better to store my keys.
Foiler warning.
------------------------------
1. Upon seeing the Very Impressive Bruise, Iain exclaimed: "You've totally got to blog that!" LOL.
2. While relaying this story to my friend Mannion yesterday on the phone, he noted that at least this answers the question of whether I have a corporeal body. I told him: "Either that, or I am a brain in a jar who is also a compulsive liar." You be the judge!
Ahem.
Yesterday I wrote about white supremacist and right-wing pundit Hal Turner being arrested for advocating the murder of three judges. I wondered if Turner had been arrested because it's much less risky, publicity-wise, to arrest a white supremacist than, say, a national "conservative" figure.
Cue a big fucking blowhard:Conservatives in Wausau on Thursday decried President Barack Obama's economic policies at a gathering hosted by the conservative free-market group Americans for Prosperity.
Yeah, so Sam the Fake Plumber is flapping his piehole again... what's the big deal, right?
The event, called "Pints and Politics," brought to town Samuel Joseph Wurzelbacher, known during the 2008 presidential campaign as "Joe the Plumber."
"Obama right now is talking about, he can generate more revenue by taxing the top 2 to 3 percent of Americans," Wurzelbacher said. "Well, you know, that's immoral. Just because someone's worked hard, gotten ahead -- it's not your money."
Here's the big deal.Wurzelbacher has a reputation for being a blunt, politically incorrect speaker. Referring to Sen. Chris Dodd, D-Conn., more than once, Wurzelbacher asked, "Why hasn't he been strung up?"
This is not "blunt."
This is not "politically incorrect."
Let's not mince words. This is calling for the lynching of a United States Senator. Several times.
Turner's words: “Let me be the first to say this plainly: These Judges deserve to be killed.”
Wurzelbacher's words: "Why hasn't he been strung up?"
Is there some reason Wurzelbacher is not behind bars? Go ahead, explain to me how it's all an "act," and he's just an "entertainer."
(Via.)
WWJS?
[Trigger warning for gun violence.]
If there's one question to which I've always longed for an answer, it's: Who Would Jesus Shoot?
Ken Pagano, the pastor of the New Bethel Church [in Louisville, KY], is passionate about gun rights. He shoots regularly at the local firing range, and his sermon two weeks ago was on "God, Guns, Gospel and Geometry." And on Saturday night, he is inviting his congregation of 150 and others to wear or carry their firearms into the sanctuary to "celebrate our rights as Americans!" as a promotional flier for the "open carry celebration" puts it.Louisville is less than four hours away from Knoxville, TN, where, less than a year ago, Jim Adkisson walked into a church and opened fire, killing two people and injuring six more, for which he is now serving life in prison. So maybe this whole God-'n'-Guns bravado is a wee bit, um, insensitive, apart from everything else wrong with it.
"God and guns were part of the foundation of this country," Mr. Pagano, 49, said Wednesday in the small brick Assembly of God church, where a large wooden cross hung over the altar and two American flags jutted from side walls. "I don't see any contradiction in this. Not every Christian denomination is pacifist."
…"When someone from within the church tells me that being a Christian and having firearms are contradictions, that they're incompatible with the Gospel—baloney," he said. "As soon as you start saying that it's not something that Christians do, well, guns are just the foil. The issue now is the Gospel. So in a sense, it does become a crusade. Now the Gospel is at stake."
Just sayin'.
I Didn't Know "Rest In Peace" Came with a Citizenship Requirement!
Do you ever just sit back and wonder who and what we are becoming?
When the DC metrorail crash occurred earlier this week, nine people lost their lives. When the list of the names of the dead was released, it contained the name of Ana Fernandez, a mother of six.
While the family has been "grateful for the genuine expressions of sympathy," they did not expect another effect.
Ana Fernandez's image and name have prompted hateful, harrassing calls from people demanding to know her immigration status.
My personal response was, "Does it matter?"
Have we really sunk so low that we comb through the details of tragedies, looking for things that make us feel "suspicious?"
Have brown skin and a Spanish surname become enough to arouse that suspicion and make us act in heartless, disturbingly inhuman ways? (That question is rhetorical, of course).
Ana Fernandez's family is having to balance their grief with this sudden demand to explain: Ana's sister said the accusations aren't true.
They're also having to defend themselves against the stereotypes of lazy immigrants who come here to "live off" others. Fernandez's sister said:
"Right now, the whole family is in pain. She was here legally, and all her children are legal. They were born here.""We all work, OK? And we're going to get through this."
And from one of her children: "She was always working -- working two jobs. She did whatever she had to to take care of us," said Evelyn Fernandez, her oldest daughter, who is enrolled in a GED program. "She was a strong woman. She never needed anyone to help her."
For the record, I'd like to repeat that Fernandez's family reports she did have legal status and all her children were born here.*
For the record, large numbers of people with Spanish surnames and brown skin have been in the United States for 160 years now and had been in places that would become part of the United States, for generations before--at some point, New Spain extended from one coast to another across the southern portion of what is now the United States.
Given that, inferring anything "suspicious" from the appearance and name of Ana Fernandez is not only desperate, it doesn't necessarily make sense.
Except, I guess, in a place fully ensconced and invested in its latest wave of nativism.
H/T Maegan
(crossposted)
________________________________
*I've gone back and forth about writing that, because what I'm trying to say is that the accusations are unfounded, but what I worry it sounds like is, "Because they've met this arbitrary citizenship standard, they have a right to grieve and be treated with respect." Her family should be allowed to grieve in peace and she should be treated with dignity in her death whatever her/their immigration status is.
Anyone Want to Place Bets…
…on how long it is before some dumbass state legislature introduces a bill that would require a woman who wants to terminate a pregnancy to hold a scale model of the fetus first?
Leaving that aside, it's a pretty amazing innovation, especially for visually impaired expectant parents.
Assvertising
[Transcript below.]
Holes and balls! Wink wink, nudge nudge, knowwhatImean, knowwhatImean? Vaginas and testicles! Wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more!
Any further commentary, I feel, on this ridiculous faux-market-research advert for Hardee's Biscuit Holes, would be superfluous.
Hardee's Dude: We're introducing a new item at Hardee's called Biscuit Holes. Can you think of a better name for them?[Assvertising: Parts One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, Eleven, Twelve, Thirteen, Fourteen, Fifteen, Sixteen, Seventeen, Eighteen, Nineteen, Twenty, Twenty-One, Twenty-Two, Twenty-Three, Twenty-Four, Twenty-Five, Twenty-Six, Twenty-Seven, Twenty-Eight, Twenty-Nine, Thirty, Thirty-One, Thirty-Two, Thirty-Three, Thirty-Four, Thirty-Five, Thirty-Six, Thirty-Seven, Thirty-Eight, Thirty-Nine, Forty, Forty-One, Forty-Two, Forty-Three, Forty-Four, Forty-Five, Forty-Six", Forty-Seven, Forty-Eight, Forty-Nine, Fifty, Fifty-One,Fifty-Two, Fifty-Three,Fifty-Four, Fifty-Five, Fifty-Six, Fifty-Seven, Fifty-Eight, Fifty-Nine, Sixty, Sixty-One, Sixty-Two, Sixty-Three, Sixty-Four, Sixty-Five, Sixty-Six, Sixty-Seven, Sixty-Eight, Sixty-Nine, Seventy.]
Woman 1: Goody Balls.
Hardude: [writing] Goody Balls.
Man 1: Creamy Sweet Holes.
Hardude: That's great.
Man 2: Sugar Nuts!
Man 3: Or Hole Munchers.
Man 4: Yay-Holes.
Woman 2: Tasty Nuts.
Woman 3: Melting Holes.
Man 5: Frosty Dippahz.
Woman 4: Sweet Balls.
Hardude: Yeah, eat with your mouth full.
Man 2: Dingleballs?
Woman 5: Puffy Nuts.
Woman 3: Iced B-Holes?
Hardude: [holding balls between fingers] What about Fisticles?
Man 6: Now what?
Voiceover: What would you call 'em? Introducing Biscuit Holes—with icing. They sound wrong, but taste so right. New, at Hardees.
Friday Blogaround
This blogaround brought to you by Shaxco, proprietary distributors of Whispers Through My Whiskers: The Love Songs of Bruce Pornstache.
Recommended Reading:
Echidne: On Iran, Again
Andy: House Dems Hold Private Meeting to Map LGBT Strategy
Jill: I Think You're Confused as to the Meaning of "Child Support"
Christian: You're All Going to Jail: A Friendly Warning from Charles Colson to the Southern Baptist Convention
Tami: L'Oreal Guilty of Saying Non to Noir and Other Couleurs
Libby: My Last Link to the WaPo
Leave your links in comments...
Quote of the Day
"There is a very small chance any Republicans will vote for this healthcare plan. They were against Medicare and Medicaid [created in the 1960s]. They voted against children's health insurance. We have a moral choice. This is a classic case of the good guys versus the bad guys. I know it is not political for me to say that. But do you want to be non-partisan and get nothing? Or do you want to be partisan and end up with a good healthcare plan? That is the choice."—Senator Jay Rockefeller (D-WV), on the necessity of a public healthcare plan and the futility of bipartisanship when it comes to doing the right thing.
[Via.]
Sad
A new Rasmussen Reports telephone survey of voters in [South Carolina] finds that 55% say Sanford is about as ethical as most politicians. (link)]That's just sad. What's worse is that I'm not sure they're wrong.
One of the reasons I so deeply loathe the GOP is that they have actively endeavored to discourage the American citizenry from expecting more. Partly, it's just the endemic lack of ethics among their elected officials, their constant bleated assertions of moral superiority and spectacular offerings of evidence to the contrary. And partly it's their having repeatedly and shamelessly exploited the greatest weakness of the generally disengaged American citizenry—the cognitive dissonance which allows us to concurrently hold the conflicting beliefs that our government can be trusted and that all politicians are crooks.
The GOP are masters at nurturing both of those ideas: The Bush administration was as much about encouraging the populace to trust them (and trust them as the only party who could really protect and provide for the nation), as it was about meeting the lowest expectations possible of our government, and lowering the bar even further.
It's a bizarre and intractable dichotomy, and terrifying as hell, because it is within that tension that the possibility (and inevitability) of a culture of political disengagement, the void of expectation, resides. Trusting the government to do no deliberate harm to its people permits the denial of wrongdoing—"Our government wouldn't do that!"—unless and until the evidence becomes overwhelming, at which time the second rationalization kicks in—"Well, all politicians are crooks, anyway; what do you expect?" From naïveté to apathy, in one lazy step.
Leaping from one to the other skips over the middle ground in which the politically active reside, that constant state of awareness, connectivity, attention. It is that space from whence government accountability—and therefore good governance—springs, but such is dependent on a majority of the electorate being willing to do the important work of a democratic citizen.
Leaving a small group to carry the burden of caring doesn't work—especially when both parties will happily marginalize activists as hysterical lunatics at every turn, and the impetus to stay disengaged makes accepting that characterization so very appealing to the rest of the populace, conveniently masking as it does any reminder that one's own indifference is not just ignoble, but dangerous.
As long as the majority of Americans insist on maintaining their illogical, disparate regard for government and the people who run it, and uncritically subscribing to the notion that those of us who don't share their interest in preserving a lethargic freedom from responsibility are simply nuts, the GOP will retain a serious place in federal government, even as they hold and promote the idea that federal government should be effectively destroyed, save for national defense.
It's utterly, mind-bogglingly frustrating to watch. I want a better government, but fear we'll never get it, because so few people see a reason to expect more.
Blog Note
As you may have noticed, Shaker CaitieCat has been writing a lot of guest posts for us lately, and I just wanted to let everyone know that she won't be doing that anymore—because I asked her to be a full-time contributor, and she has happily obliged me. Woot!
(Was anyone fooled by my zany reversal, lol? I didn't think so.)
Welcome, CaitieCat!
What The Hell?
Liss, aged 9
What the hell is all that crap on the table? What the hell is that frilly rainbow thing over her left tit?? What the hell is with those Mr. Magoo glasses??? What the hell????
(If you've a ridiculous and/or embarrassing photo of yourself from your youth, please send it to shakerwhatthehell_at_yahoo_dot_com. I'll post them up as part of our series called What The Hell? so everyone can laugh
[See also: Deeky.]
