Shakesville

Not Impossibly Beautiful

Monica Bellucci, Eva Herzigova, and Sophie Marceau grace leaked cover images of French Elle's April issue, "Stars Sans Fards," which translates literally into "without makeup," but is also a French idiom meaning, approximately, without pretenses or defenses.

What might be most striking about French Elle's pictorial is how it actually appears to embrace and celebrate the organic beauty of these famous faces (even if the lighting is super, super flattering and the women are all unbelievably gorgeous to begin with). In the U.S., when you come across a "stars without makeup" story, there's always a GOTCHA! element, a message that says "Our gift to you: Derive pleasure from how ugly this person looks without cover-up for her zits!"

Discuss.

[H/T to everyone in the multiverse, and thanks to each and every one of you.]

Ahoy, Mateys

Rush Limbaugh sides with the pirates.

They were kids. The story is out, I don't know if it's true or not, but apparently the hijackers, these kids, the merchant marine organizers, Muslim kids, were upset, they wanted to just give the captain back and head home because they were running out of food, they were running out of fuel, they were surrounded by all these US Navy ships, big ships, and they just wanted out of there. That's the story, but then when one of them put a gun to the back of the captain, Mr. Phillips, then bam, bam, bam. There you have it, and three teenagers shot on the high seas at the order of President Obama.

I don't know about you, but I can picture Mr. Limbaugh with an eye-patch, a hook, and parrot-crap on his shoulder.

HT to SFDB.

I'm a Proud Teabagger and Real American

Listen up, you collection of tax-and-spend limousine liberals, pinko Commies, queerbaits, ladyboys, feminazi castrators, and assorted freaks: Go right ahead and have your little gigglefest about the teabag parties that real Americans like myself are having all over the country today, because while you're making your snide jokes about rightwing conspiracies, we're actually rightwing conspiratizing—and you'll be sorry when we take back the country through the mighty power of teabagging!

What you don't realize is that the American people are on our side. They're going nuts for this stuff! Tons of them have gotten sacked, and they know the economy's going down, and that President Obama has too many balls in the air right now what with two wars and trying to turn the country into a socialist crotchswamp to stop the economy from sucking big time. All he's doing is giving sacks of money to bankers and dangling flaccid, false promises in front of the American people, while we're dangling big bouncing balls of hope! It's not a hard choice.

Now that we've whipped out our full-throated determination to lick government spending in the form of nationwide teabagging events, it's only a matter of time before the American public are licking their lips with anticipation for more. It's one of those things that you don't know if you like until you try it, but, let me tell you, my friend Dick Balzac convinced me to try teabagging with him, and I had a really closed mind about it, but once I opened up for some teabagging, now I can't enough of it! Once you get a taste of teabagging, that's it! You're a teabagger for life.

So you just sit back and laugh it up while teabagging sweeps the nation and real Americans like me save the country. With the millions we're pumping into the economy by buying teabags alone, teabagging is our very own stimulus package!

Later, suckers.

Wednesday Blogaround

This blogaround brought to you by Shaxco, makers of Deeky's 100% Organic Teabags, the taste the entire Dick Army has on their tongue.

Recommended Reading:

Archie McPhee: Customer Envelope Art!

AFotD: Romba.

Joe My God: Fail: DC Teabaggers Had No Permit.

Dooce: Deceptively Calm.

Lance Mannion: "Please, Mr Taxman, leave our rich corporate masters alone!"

Towleroad: Gary Jules Gives Mad Props to Adam Lambert. (Also, this week's Idol features "Songs from the Cinema" with guest mentor Quentin Tarantino. Please tell me that's a joke.)

Teabag your links and leave 'em in comments...

Rape in Entertainment

[Trigger warning.]

Part Nineteen in an ongoing series...

Via Renee comes this story about one of the plethora of judges ubiquitously populating the daytime television landscape to mete out something distantly resembling justice in sassy, short-tempered soundbites. Judge Greg Mathis, aka "Judge Mathis," and director Matty Rich, whose résumé begins and ends with Straight out of Brooklyn and The Inkwell, have teamed up to make a videogame called Mathis "Detroit" Street Judge, described as "a Grand Theft Auto-style action game featuring prison rape."

"The main difference between our game and Grand Theft Auto is that players will have to deal with the justice system and consequences for their actions," said Mathis. "When you go to prison, you gain credibility when you come back on the streets. On the other hand, when you go to prison you can also be raped. So take your chances. We may see young people who make the wrong choice and go to prison and are assaulted repeatedly (in this game)."

How delightful!

What makes this bit of rapetertainment particularly appalling is that it doesn't even make the merest attempt to suggest that the rape itself is wrong. Even the most hideous, rape-dependent films like The Last House on the Left ostensibly condemn the act (even as they rake in profits off the back of its frivolous consumption by popcorn-inhaling filmgoers). No, Mathis "Detroit" Street Judge is, in fact, reliant on the idea that prison rape is, at best, morally neutral—just something that "happens" in prison to bad people who shouldn't have broken the law if they didn't want to get raped.

If pressed, Mathis and Rich might say that rape is wrong no matter what, but, like most Americans, follow it up with a casual shrug as they note it's nonetheless a "fact of life" in prison, a position that belies any reluctant condemnation: Indifference to prison rape is rooted in the belief that it serves as an effective deterrent, its efficacy wholly dependent on actual rapes happening. The game is thus an unreserved, if not explicit, endorsement of rape.

But somehow that's okay—because it's only prisoners getting raped. Despite the fact we have prohibitions against cruel and unusual punishments. Despite the fact that prison rape may turn an already-dangerous individual into a dangerous individual with post-traumatic stress disorder. Despite the fact that innocent people sometimes go to prison. Despite the fact that rape is always wrong.

There are plenty of people (including self-identified progressives) who simply don't blanch at the thought that rape is a likely part of any prison sentence, and I've heard that attitude ascribed to many things, from ignorance about the prevalence of prison rape to contempt for the rule of law. But I suspect the predominant quality which most closely tracks with holding the position is never having been raped oneself.

[Rape in Entertainment: One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, Eleven, Twelve, Thirteen, Fourteen, Fifteen, Sixteen, Seventeen, Eighteen.]

Bwah Ha Ha

As part of the network’s day-long promotion of the anti-Obama tea parties, Fox News’ Gretchen Carlson interviewed three tea party organizers on Fox and Friends this morning. In an attempt to push back against criticism that corporate lobbyists were helping to orchestrate the so-called grassroots movement, Carlson asked Kellen Guida, the organizer of the New York City tea party, to answer the claim that the protests are “a right-wing conspiracy. “All you can do is laugh to that,” replied Guida.

But Carlson and Guida’s defense was undermined by the on-screen chyron that flashed while Carlson asked her question, which directed viewers interested in the Bergen County, NJ tea party to the website of Newt Gingrich’s corporate-funded think tank, American Solutions for Winning the Future:

Video at the link. Knuckleheads, all.

Stay Classy, Teabaggers

One of the most hilarious aspects of this whole teabag brou-ha-ha has been the insistence that these protests are "non-partisan." Of course, none of the participants could be bothered to raise a finger while Bush spent money like a drunken sailor, no Dem officials or liberal pundits are attending or participating, FOX television has been rah-rahing the whole thing, it's being funded by right-wing money, Americans for Prosperity is offering money to participate, blah blah blah. I think you all get it.

So a gaggle of Kansas teabagging enthusiasts decided they wanted to hold their mass foot-stomping tantrum at a Veterans Memorial. Veterans, understandably, were concerned about having a partisan political, ahem, "protest" being held at the Memorial Ampitheater:

– “It’s everybody’s right to have a protest, but our complaint is that it’s at the Veterans Memorial. Most people think of the Veterans Memorial as a sacred place. It’s a place to reflect, to remember why we’re here today and the people who have sacrificed for that.” [Bob Torbett, director of the American Legion Riders and a member of the Kansas Patriot Guard]

- “I’m not so sure the Veterans Memorial is the appropriate place for a tax protest.” [Charles Heath, Commander of American Legion Post 64]

– “This is something that really upset me. The Veterans Memorial, as far as I’m concerned, is hallowed ground. To have a partisan, political ‘tea party’ there really offends my sensibilities.” [Bob Torbett, veteran of the Korean War]

I'm sure that these teabaggers, 100% of whom I'm sure would identify as "conservative," or "Republican," or "libertarian," the loudest shriekers of "Support the Troops!" would respect the wishes of the Veterans, and hold their tea party elsewhere, right?

Wrong.

When asked for comment, Jenkins’s spokesperson said that while the congresswoman has the “utmost respect” for veterans, “What’s going on in Washington now, with spending and taxes, affects everyone – from veterans to small businesses and single moms and working families. The congresswoman feels it’s important to talk about these issues.”

Fuck you, Veterans. Our mass whine is more important than respecting your sacrifice. Fuck you, Veterans. We know more than you do. Fuck you, Veterans. We're stomping over your hallowed ground because we're pissed we lost an election. But hey, we respect you! Just not enough to listen to your wishes!

John Minton, head of the Crawford County Republican Party, defended the tea baggers, saying that they were probably having their protest at the amphitheater because it was one of the few places in the country that “could accommodate a large crowd.”

Fuck you, Veterans. We're too goddamned lazy to find another venue for our wankfest. Obviously, this is the only place in the country that can accommodate all fifty-or-so of us.

Support the troops! Unless they get in our fucking way.

Here We Go Again

Rev Barry W. Lynn, the Executive Director of Americans United for Separation of Church and State, ventured over to Fox News yesterday, where he joined anchor Martha MacCallum for yet another dire discussion about the state of Christianity in America today. Despite Lynn's best attempts to present facts underlining his point that America is not, in fact, a hostile wasteland of militant anti-Christian activism, MacCallum could not be persuaded, informing him that "the town that I grew up in in New Jersey had a Supreme Court fight over having a manger in the town, so that's just, you know, one small example of where that's happening," without any hint of awareness that, yes, it is indeed but one small example in a country still chockablock with Christianity.

Honestly, it's so old already. Fuck.

[Transcript below.]

Lynn: First of all, it's ridiculous to say that you can't come to the public sphere with faith. Look at Barack Obama, a man who's steeped in and who talks about religion and spirituality consistently through the presidential campaign; he did get elected. And of course there is no systematic or otherwise anti-Catholic bias in this country. If you want to talk about bias against groups, still anti-Muslim bias certainly, anti-atheist bias, yeah, you could write a book about that—but there's no book you could write about anti-Catholic bias. It's just that some people believe that the Catholic Church of today wishes to impose on all of us, Catholic and non-Catholic, a lot of positions and ideas that we don't choose out of our own spiritual faith and convictions. It's the pressure they place on secular politicians to do what the Church wants that bothers so many Americans, even some Catholics.

MacCallum: Mm, I don't know about that. And I think that, you know, that this assumption that so many Catholics wanted to change and that there isn't—I think most people accept that there is a Christian, an anti-Christian bias in this country. It's fine to bash—

Lynn: Where?! Where do you see this? Martha, where do you see this?

MacCallum: —pretty much, you know, uh, uh, uh, it's the, it's the ultimately acceptable bashable group! You know, ha ha ha, look at, you know, look at the Catholic Church.

Lynn: No, it is not. We got 80 percent of America says they're [Christians]; we're not bashing people, we're not tearing down Nativity scenes, burning churches—this is a fiction; this is not the real world of America, where most people want to get along.

MacCallum: All right, well, the town that I grew up in in New Jersey had a Supreme Court fight over having a manger in the town, so that's just, you know, one small example of where that's happening.

Happy Taxes and Teabags Day!

Your first stop, naturally, is Dick Armey on teabagging. From there, the blogosphere is your oyster for a fine display of rightwing crackpottery. And for a dose of the serious, see Digby.

President To 'Shut Down' Internet

But only in an emergency.

WTP? Is that even possible? I mean, can you shut down the internet? Is there a master switch somewhere that I'm not aware of? And has this dude not seen The Terminator? Try to shut it down and it'll nuke us back to the stone age.

Two-Minute Nostalgia Sublime

Think Fast

Question of the Day

We've done this one before, but not for awhile: What iconic character of books, plays, and/or films would you like to have over for dinner?

The first two that came immediately to mind for me are Maude and Graham Dalton.

Who's Not Your Daddy?

Economy Down, Vasectomy Up. Discuss.

[H/T to Shaker IvyCeltress.]

(Not-So-) Random YouTubery: Charlotte Has a Teabag Situation

Charlotte: There's just one thing, and it's small, but it really grosses me out. [other three lean in expectantly] We have a teabag situation.

Samantha: Oh, I understand. Just breathe through your nose. [other three look at Samantha perplexedly] When you're sucking his balls.

Charlotte: What?! NO!!! I was talking about—Harry leaves his old teabags around the house!

Samantha: Oh, I thought you meant teabagging! When you hold a guy's balls in your mouth.

[Carrie and Charlotte cringe and groan]

Miranda: Why is it called—? Oh, I get it. Because they hang—

Charlotte: Shh!

Miranda: —and the dipping. [mimes balls going into a mouth, I guess]

Carrie: Oh great. Now I've lost my shoes and my appetite.

Samanta: [takes a bite of her meal] This is very good.

We've got a teabag situation at Shakes Manor, too. This weekend, one of Iain's oldest mates was visiting, and so I had a two-man teabag situation on my hands.

Actual teabags.

[Via Samhita.]

Truth Hertz Donut?

So, the Department of Homeland Security drafts a report on rightwing extremism. (And I yell, "About fookin' time.") Rightwingers, predictably, go completely apeshit. David Neiwert then posts this (As the kids say, read the whole thing.):

My my my. The right, led by Michelle Malkin, is up in arms over the Department of Homeland Security's internal intelligence report on right-wing extremism and its post-Obama resurgence.

Malkin's headline wails:
"The Obama DHS Hit Job on Conservatives Is Real"
So, I have a question for Malkin: Are you saying that mainstream conservatives are now right-wing extremists?

Because, you know, the report -- which in fact is perfectly accurate in every jot and tittle -- couldn't be more clear. It carefully delineates that the subject of its report is "rightwing extremists," "domestic rightwing terrorist and extremist groups," "terrorist groups or lone wolf extremists capable of carrying out violent attacks," "white supremacists," and similar very real threats described in similar language.

Nothing about conservatives. The word never appears in the report.

Because, you know, we always thought there was a difference between right-wing extremists and mainstream conservatives too. My new book, The Eliminationists: How Hate Talk Radicalized the American Right, does explain that the distance between them has in fact shrunk considerably, thanks to the help of people like Malkin.

I then begin not holding my breath waiting for Malkin, the author of Unhinged: Exposing Liberals Gone Wild to respond.

Daily Kitteh

So, in the middle of the night last night, I was up with a bad stomach, and I see Matilda and Olivia hanging out looking just hilariously adorable, with Olivia wedged into the corner of the sofa, sort of half sitting-up in her humanlike way, and Matilda stretched out next to her, looking like a tubular fluff explosion, as usual. When I put on the overhead light, Olivia rubbed her eyes all sleepily:

—then looked at me as if to say, "What's going on? We're trying to sleep here!"

—and then at Matilda: "Can you believe this shit? Harrumph."

Matilda then rolled over and reached for Olivia: "Just get over here and snuggle me."

Which is when the grooming began.

Followed by a little more muttering about being rudely awakened.

And then, once I was kind enough to put off the Big Light, it was sleepytime again.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Your President Speaks

Here's the transcript of Obama's speech on the economy he gave at Georgetown University earlier today.

As ever, I appreciate his continued attempts to explain the genesis of the economic crisis in a succinct and easily-understandable way. I like that he wants the American people to understand how we got here, in the hope that we will not be doomed to arrive at the same destination again.

Steve says: "The one thing I always like about President Obama's speeches is that he just doesn't talk down to his audience. He seems intent on treating Americans like grown-ups, and today's speech on the economy was no different." I totally agree. Every time Iain and I have listened to one of his addresses together, we've commented on precisely the same thing. Refreshing!

Quote of the Day

[Trigger warning.]

"If a guy can't rape his wife...who's he gonna rape?"—Wayne Anthony Ross, Alaska Governor Sarah Palin's nominee for Alaska Attorney General. Ross reportedly uttered said rhetorical at a meeting of the "men's rights group" Dads Against Discrimination, along with the equally charming "There wouldn't be an issue with domestic violence if women would learn to keep their mouths shut."

Ross has also reportedly called gays "degenerates" and says he hates them.

The GOP wanted her one heartbeat away, Shakers.

Believe It Or Not

This is not from The Onion:

Nuts. Tongue-lashing. Full-throated. "Teabag Mouthpieces." "Teabagging in a nutshell." "Issued statements supporting teabagging, but is publicly tight-lipped." "Looking forward to an up-close and personal taste of teabagging themselves." "If you are planning simultaneous teabagging all around the country, you're going to need a Dick Armey."

And conservatives have no idea why the media, outside of Fox News, won't take their little protest seriously.

I don't know about you, but I'm totally looking forward to the teabagging festivities tomorrow. I just have to figure out what to wear. Something loose.

Edit: For those that can't view the video, it's an MSNBC story about the conservative "tea parties," and it's essentially all the jokes I listed above (and some in comments that I didn't list). Testicle humor! Haw, haw! Schuster also points out that the conservatives have no idea that they're getting the whole idea of the "tea party" completely ass-backwards, and "taxation without representation" does not equal "taxes are bad," which pleased me.

More Edit: Courtesy of smadin, a full transcript is below the fold. Put down your bevvies now.

For most Americans, Wednesday, April 15th will be tax day. But, in our fourth story tonight, it's gonna be teabagging day for the right-wing, and they're going nuts for it.
Thousands of them whipped out the festivities early this past weekend, and while the parties are officially toothless, the teabaggers are full-throated about their goals: they want to give President Obama a strong tongue-lashing, and lick government spending -- spending they did not oppose when they were under Presidents Bush and Reagan. They oppose Mr. Obama's tax rates, which will be lower for most of them, and they oppose the tax increases Mr. Obama is imposing on the rich, whose taxes will skyrocket to a rate about ten percent less than it was under Reagan. That's teabagging in a nutshell, taking its inspiration from the Boston Tea Party when colonists tossed British tea into the sea, because the tax on it had not been voted on by their own duly elected representatives.
That's exactly the opposite, of course, of today's taxes, known in some quarters as taxation with representation.
But as New York Times columnist Paul Krugman points out today, this time the teabagging is not a spontaneous uprising: the people who came up with it are a familiar circle of Republicans, including former House Speaker Newt Gingrich, and former House Majority Leader Dick Armey, both of whom have firm support from right-wing financiers and lobbyists, as well as Washington prostitute patron David Vitter, who has issued statements in support of teabagging but is publicly tight-lipped.
Then there is the media, specifically the Fox News Channel, including Glenn Beck and Sean Hannity. Both are looking forward to an up close and personal taste of teabagging themselves at events this Wednesday. But most amusing of all, is Neil Cavuto, a member of the network's Executive Committee. Neil's online bio says he joined the network in July of 1996, three months before the Fox News Channel went on the air. Cavuto, defending his network's promotion of teabagging said, quote, "We are going to be right in the middle of these [teabaggers becase at Fox we do not pick and choose the protests. We were there for the Million Man March." Can we roll that footage, the Fox News coverage of the Million Man March, back in October of '95?
[blank, black screen with caption at the top: "Courtesy Fox News Channel / Oct 16, 1995"]
Of course, the Million Man March occurred, as newshounds.org points out, almost a year before Fox News was on the air. We can only speculate why widespread teabagging made Cavuto think of the Million Man March, unless he got them confused with Dick Armey. And in Cavuto's defense, if you are planning simultaneous teabagging all around the country, you're gonna need a Dick Armey.

Lost Baby

For the Losties: Josh Holloway and his wife, Yessica Kumala, just became first-time parents, after Yessica gave birth to their daughter, Java, who gets her name (I suspect) by way of Mom's hometown of Jakarta, Indonesia (which is located on the island of Java).

Lost heartthrob Josh Holloway and wife Yessica welcomed a daughter on April 9 in Oahu, PEOPLE has exclusively confirmed. They named their baby girl Java Kumala Holloway.

"Dad and Mom are absolutely thrilled," a source close to the actor, 39, tells PEOPLE. "Everyone's happy and healthy." This is the first child for the couple, who have been married since 2004.

Holloway's Lost costar Daniel Dae Kim knew the actor would enjoy fatherhood. "He'll be an incredible dad," Kim told PEOPLE in February. "When you talk to him about his baby, his face completely lights up."

Adorable.