Shakesville

Today in Victim Blaming

CNN once again makes me want to smash things as their story about the death of attorney Chiquita Tate, who was stabbed 38 times and whose husband, from whom she was seeking a divorce, has been arrested and charged with her murder, begins thus:

Slain attorney Chiquita Tate was such a believer in the legal system that she had a tattoo of Lady Justice on her back, college friend T. J. Crawford recalled.

"She just had an attachment to justice and doing what's right by people. She was always very serious about that," said Crawford, a teacher and community organizer in Chicago, Illinois.

But Tate, described by colleagues as a tenacious defense attorney who fought for her clients, could not save herself.

Fuck you, CNN.

That's some of the most atrocious, overt, unapologetic victim-blaming I've recently seen from a serious news organization (which necessarily excludes Fox, btw) in awhile. And the worst thing about it is that it's meant to be read as compassionate: "Poor thing, she could do it all...except save herself."

As if it's pretty typical to be able to save yourself from a man who wants to stab you 38 times. As if it were her (literal) fatal flaw, and if only she'd been like everyone else who can save themselves from rampaging murderers...

And, if the reporter were really determined to use this tiresome journalistic trick, it's not like there was no way to do the old "successful professional life, fucked-up personal life" reversal without suggesting the murder victim should have been able to save herself from her own brutal murder.

"But Tate, described by colleagues as a tenacious defense attorney who fought for her clients, had her life cut short by a man who did not share her passion for doing the right thing."

See? It's not that fucking hard.

I really don't understand how lazy and out to lunch the writer and editors are over there that they can't spend 30 goddamned seconds to write a paragraph that doesn't impugn the victim and further the dangerous cultural narrative that victimization is indicative of weakness. This shit oughtn't be news to a 24-hour cable news network, for crying out loud.

Contact CNN.com.

Random YouTubery: Pffneh! Pffneh!

It's more Springtime Blogging, Shakers! Springtime means allergies, and I'm sure a lot of us can relate to good old Felix Ungar:

Jack Lemmon and Walter Matthau in The Odd Couple (1968), written by Neil Simon and directed by Gene Saks

No matter how many times I watch this, I still laugh out loud every time. I really miss Lemmon, Matthau, and Lemmon-and-Matthau.

A hearty moose call in your honor, sirs: Pffneh! Pffneh!

(N.B. The screen goes black on the above clip for 6 seconds from 1:00 to 1:06, but the picture comes back. It's still the best version of the clip I could find.)

The Virtual Pub Is Open

All welcome. Except Joe Godlewski.

Belly up to the bar,
and name your poison!

Bill? Meet Consequence

Mr. O'Reilly just found out that there's indeed a price to pay for being an unhinged asshat who thinks it's ok to stalk and harass those who disagree with him:

Today UPS announced it will stop advertising on O’Reilly’s show. Here is the statement UPS emailed out just moments ago:
Thank you for sending an e-mail expressing concern about UPS advertising during the Bill O’Reilly show on FOX News. We do consider such comments as we review ad placement decisions which involve a variety of news, entertainment and sports programming. At this time, we have no plans to continue advertising during this show.

Daily Kitteh

The cute...

...it burns.

What Fucking Year Is It?

So the Senate Budget Committee is debating the budget legislation yesterday, when Senator Charles Grassley (R-Iowa), last seen exhorting AIG executives to kill themselves, brought up a two-year-old exchange with the committee chairperson, Senator Kent Conrad (D-ND), in an attempt to coerce Conrad into including an amendment Grassley had proposed.

And when Conrad responded by laughing and mirthfully grousing, "Oh, you are good," Grassley came back with, "Your wife said the same thing."

Grassley: It's going to be a major item that we're dealing with. And I'd like to suggest to the chairman that he might want to support this because, you remember, you asked me two years ago not to take a vote on it, and you said that if we did take a vote on it, you might not get your budget resolution adopted. And so I did not ask for a vote on it, and you said it was a very statesmanlike thing for me to do at that particular time, and so I would hope you would return the favor.
Conrad: You know, I used to like you. [laughs] Let me just say… Oh, you are good.

Grassley: Your wife said the same thing.

Conrad: She did; she said you were the biggest hit of all the speakers at the event.

Grassley: Okay.

Conrad's getting kudos for not missing a beat in his comeback to Grassley (at least by those who aren't praising Grassley for "getting Conrad good," because you know how insulting a man's ~~property~~ wife is an awesome slam against him), but, quite frankly, I would have been more impressed if Conrad had drawn the entire proceeding to a screeching halt, told Grassley he was way the hell out of line, and asked for Grassley's wildly inappropriate and misogynist comment be stricken from the Congressional record.

Instead, it's business as usual at the Old Boys' Club.

[H/T to Shaker Justin.]

Friday Blogaround

This blogaround brought to you by Shaxco, makers of Deeky's Asshole Salve, for the ~~irritating~~ irritated assholes in your life.

Recommended Reading:

Steve: Obama Unveils Afghan Plan

Sady: God to Abortioners: You Started It!

Gunner: Let Us Pee

Resistance: In the 'I Thought He Was Dead' Category

Faith: On the Animal Rights Organization That Shall Not Be Named

Andy: Lisa Bloom Faults WABC Newsman for Not Researching His Killer

Leave your links in comments...

An Open Letter to Chris Brown

...from the Diary of a Black Male Feminist. I'm not even going to excerpt it. Just head over and read the whole thing.

It made me cry. A lot.

Thank you, Chello.

Quote of the Day

"This is not Michele Bachmann being a kook." -- Michele Bachmann on Glenn Beck's show trying to convince people that the current administration would like to give up the dollar in favor of one global currency. Next week, Michele intends to return to the program with a whiteboard that clearly shows the world is indeed flat.

The Best $6.95 I Ever Spent

A few days ago, and just a few days after writing my letter of gratitude for their unrivalled badassitude to the Golden Girls, I stumbled across this little gem on Etsy:

If you can't see the image, or if you're numb with disbelief, or if you've been temporarily struck with hysterical blindness (love that term) by the sheer power of gazing upon its awesomeness, it is, in fact, a picture I have taken of the just-delivered Golden Girls pendant that is now mine, all mine, my very own, my precious.

I love this thing with the power of 10,000 suns. And wait—it gets even better!

The image is secured to a Scrabble tile! For the letter G! Which is worth 2 points! So it's like two times the g-g-goodness, as in Golden Girls, bitchez!

You know you're jealous! You know you want to run out to the lanai in your caftan and your kitten-heeled slippers and throw yourself on the rattan barcalounger and down your sorrows with a Boca Breeze!

But that won't be necessary—you can get your very own. For a mere $6.95.

Ha Ha! Booby! Girls Have Boobies! Boobies Are Funny!

So there's this cathedral in San Francisco, and the afternoon sunlight works with the architecture to create a shadow that resembles a breast:

It's quite cool, actually. If I were a believer in these sorts of things, I might even suggest it's a message from the entity to whom the structure was built, translatable into, approximately, "You really need to get more estrogen up in this joint, folks."

But cool—or interesting, or even beautiful, the other words that came to my mind when I saw the picture—was not the way it is described in the article sent to be my Shaker Kevin Wolf about the breast-shaped shadow. No, it's not cool, or interesting, or beautiful. It's hilarious:

As drivers enter San Francisco via the Octavia Street off-ramp, and they crest the small hill at Haight street, if their trip is timed just right and the sun is out, they will be greeted by one of the funniest landmarks this city has to offer: the two o'clock titty.

I can appreciate a chuckle at the irony of the breast appearing on a church, but the notion that this is uproarious, warranting the author to use the juvenile "two o'clock titty" (or some variation thereof) not once but seven times, including naming the shadow "Rose, Our Lady of the Two O'Clock Titty" and noting that 2:45 is "for my taste … when Rose is looking her best," seems excessive. To say the least.

I can guess that the author, one Mr. Josh Keppel, would respond to my criticism by telling me to lighten up, to get a sense of humor, to stop taking everything so seriously, and all the usual tiresome strategies used to deflect womanist/feminist criticism. (And if not him, then there are plenty who would do so in his stead.) In which case I would ask only this: If you had spent a lifetime being routinely reduced to your "titties," do you think you would find it so funny, or funny in the same way?

I'm sure he'll have no problem finding a woman who can assure him that she finds it hilarious, as if that renders my question moot, even though my question was not: "Are there any women who will tell you they find that as funny as you do, and in the same way, to avoid being seen as the humorless hysteric you implicitly accuse me of being in the process of soliciting their opinion?"

America's Future, the Cliffs Notes Republican Version

The Republicans apparently got pretty ticked off at President Obama:

To a bunch of the critics out there, I've already said, 'Show me your budget!' I'm happy to have that debate.

"There are those who say, 'You know you're taking on too much,''' Obama said, "'Your budget is too ambitious'.... that we can only focus on one problem at a time."

How dare he suggest they're full of hot gas! Oh man, they're gonna prove that they totally DO have ideas and a budget of their own, yes uh-huh, shut up if you don't think so. They so TOTALLY do. In fact, here it is:

See? TOLD you. And if you somehow think that's not totally awesome and totally gonna save our country and get everyone a pony and make Jesus return, just go ahead and check out the whole plan, smarty. All nineteen pages of it. (pdf link)

Nineteen pages. Dude, they totally spent a couple of hours on it.

Insert your own "Underpants Gnomes" joke here.

Update. Boehner:

Two nights ago, the president said, "We haven't seen a budget yet out of Republicans." Well, that's not true because, here it is, Mr. President.

Today we're introducing a detailed road to recovery plan. And our plan curbs spending, creates jobs, and cuts taxes while controlling the debt. And while the president's budget is anti- stimulus, we believe that our budget plan will strengthen the economy and restore fiscal sanity here in Washington. The American people expect both parties to work together to solve our economic problems, and we should start now.

This isn't the first time that we've offered a better solution. As you all know, we had a solution on the stimulus bill that cost half as much as the Democrat proposal and would have created twice as many jobs. And we're going to continue -- in those cases where we have to disagree with the president, we believe it is our obligation to offer a better solution if we're in disagreement.

I haven't laughed this hard in weeks.

Segregation and Underpants

Shaker Kathy sent me this story a couple of days ago, which is about Saudi women boycotting lingerie stores because they employ (by law) only male salespersons. There's so much shit to unpack with this story, I'm not even sure where to begin, so I'm just going to open up a discussion thread and let you have at it in comments.

The Magic Circle

Shaker Bill in Birmingham sent me the link to this video, which is an NBC report about how some of the federal bailout funds are being used to—I shit you not—make campaign contributions to politicians.

For the record, this is also another fine example of "both sides are just as bad!" reporting, where the claim is made it is a bipartisan problem, despite the fact that there are only two examples of each party's House members (and the Republican members have taken way more money), despite the fact that even though Senators Harry Reid and Richard Shelby both returned their contributions only Reid (the Democrat) returned his uncashed, despite the fact that they don't the party breakdown of the 11 members of the House Financial Services Committee who took contributions, and despite the fact that its chairperson, Rep. Barney Frank (a Democrat) is the only example provided of a member who declined the money altogether.

All that said, it's scandalous no matter who the fuck's doing it, and if even two Democrats took that money, that's bad enough.

[Full transcript below.]

Matt Lauer: Now to the outrage over people profiting from companies receiving government bailout money, and—guess what?—it's not just corporate fatcats getting the payouts; in some cases, it's Washington politicians. NBC's Chuck Todd is our White House correspondent and our political director; he's got more on this. Chuck, good morning to you.

Chuck Todd: Good morning, Matt. Well, you know, the government's relationship with the financial industry has never been tighter, some even believing big firms like Citibank and Bank of America can't survive without the government's help. So, given this need, it may surprise some that many of these bailed-out firms are still making political donations, and, more surprising, these politicians are taking it.

Voiceover: Finding a member of Congress angry about a company that got government bailout money and then paid its employees bonuses isn't difficult.

Video, Rep. Earl Pomeroy (D-ND): You are disgraced professional losers. And, by the way, give us our money back!

Video, Rep. Steny Hoyer (D-MD): —a binge of irresponsibility and greed—

Video, John Boehner (R-OH): I think this is outrageous.

Video, Eric Cantor (R-VA): The American people are looking at this and wondering, "Why isn't it that Washington gets it anymore?"

Voiceover: But you won't find these very same members of Congress outraged that bailed-out firms are continuing another kind of business-as-usual: Giving them political contributions through their political action committees.

According to FEC records filed just last week, in the month of February, Pomeroy took $1,000 from Chrysler. Hoyer took $6,500 from Bank of America. Boehner took $5,000 from Bank of America, $5,000 from American Express, and $1,500 from USbancorp. Cantor took $2,500 from Citigroup, $5,000 from Bank of America, $1,500 from Chrysler, and $2,500 from American Express. And they weren't alone.

Thirty-six others took money from government bailed-out firms, all in February, when anti-bailout rhetoric was reaching a fevered pitch. At least nine firms, which received more than $1 billion in taxpayer help since October, handed out more than $250,000 in campaign money through their employee PACs.

And the lawmakers who took the money were a bipartisan group. Eleven of the 26 House recipients are on the House Financial Services Committee, primarily responsible for bailout oversight.

Fourteen Senators received money from bailed-out companies in February; among them, the Senate Democratic Majority Leader Harry Reid, whose office said he returned his check uncashed. The office for the top Republican on the banking committee, Richard Shelby, also said he returned money he received in February.

The political campaign committees for both parties were given $15,000 from the Bank of America PAC in February.

Campaign finance reform advocate Fred Wertheimer says the government's been bailing out banks and other major too-big-to-fail firms as these same companies continue to use their political action committees to make contributions.

Wertheimer: It all adds up to kind of a magic circle involving the government, TARP recipients, members of Congress, and campaign contributions.

Voiceover: Accepting PAC donations is not illegal, but some members of Congress have declined to take the money altogether, including the chairman of the House Financial Services Committee, [Rep.] Barney Frank [D-MA].

Frank: And if I, as chairman of the committee, were taking money from these beneficiaries, even though I am doing this because I think it's in the interest of the economy, it would create the kind of distraction that we don't need at this time.

Todd: Now these companies getting bailout money point out that PACs handle the voluntary contributions of their employees, but FEC records show many donors are top officials; they're not your average bank teller. Meanwhile, many of the politicians we just mentioned told us that the donations don't influence them, but they take them because, like it or not, that's how the current campaign finance system works—although one insider, a longtime political fundraiser, he said to me, he said, you know, he thought that both the politicians and the bailed-out companies were dumb to keep up this business-as-usual practice right now in the middle of this financial crisis. Matt.

Lauer: All right, Chuck Todd. Thanks very much for that report.

Springtime For Pittsburgh

I am officially back in Pittsburgh after my sojourn in Texas. This morning I woke up to a temperature of exactly 32 degrees Fahrenheit and a dense freezing fog enveloping (or as Shaker Puellasolis says in comments, swaddling) the city. The view of downtown from one of my living room windows usually looks like this:

Downtown Pittsburgh skyline. Notice Philip Johnson's PPG Place on the left and the U.S. Steel Tower toward the right.

Here is the view from the same window at 8 AM this morning:

(The two pictures are not framed exactly the same--if they were, the fog picture would be just a white rectangle. But the white area is where the skyscrapers usually appear.) This photo also features one of the enigmatic cement owls that perch on various buildings around my neighborhood--there is one on my roof as well.

I love fog. Growing up in the San Francisco Bay Area, I regularly found my street disappearing before me in both directions. Anyone else out there who has experienced the mystery of crossing the Golden Gate Bridge with a visibility of about three feet likely knows what I'm talking about. Fog is often portrayed as creepy, but it gives me a comfortable, homey feeling. The difference, of course, is that in Northern CA the fog burns off to leave clear, still, warm afternoons; here, it will burn off to leave...mostly cloudy skies. Ah, Spring!

My thoughts are with those today who are fighting far more hostile weather in the Red River area, the Texas and Oklahoma panhandle region, and Southeast Louisiana; the folks still digging out from under the blizzard in Denver; and those in line for tornadoes in the Southeast today.

Blogginz TV Review: MANswers

Hey, assholes—it's Kenny Blogginz here with another one of my insightful television reviews. Today I'll be taking a look at a series that's been running on SpikeTV since September 19, 2007. It's a little show called MANswers, and every time I watch it I become physically ill. I mean, sure, this is SpikeTV, but MANswers makes the standard SpikeTV wrestling special look like an American Theatre Classic.

MANswers (yes, "man" is supposed to be in all caps), is a series which strives to answer questions which all men have secretly been asking themselves for time immemorial, like "How can you make your girlfriend less bitchy?" or "Which tastes better? A cat or a dog?" or "If you 'have to get it on with an animal', which one is 'closest to making it with a hot lady'?" or "Can you take a crap that will kill you?"

I actually watched an episode a few weeks ago which posed the question, "What nationality of chicks will have sex with you the longest?" You know, because one problem that straight men complain about all the fucking time is how their girlfriends cum before they're even aroused.

My favorite* MANswers question, however, is "How many farts would it take to fill up a blimp?" That question pretty much sums up the whole series for me. I mean, honestly, name one factor about that question that is remotely measurable. I dare you. Not to mention the fact that no one would ever want to know that.

Anyway, I thought I'd write up some fresh questions for MANswers, to help out SpikeTV in this crushing recession.

1.) How big is the world's largest bong?

2.) How can I get away with drinking and driving? Oh wait, that was already "manswered".

3.) Can I ride a mini-horse?

4.) Do dogs really like beer?

That's all I can come up with for now, loyal readers, but please feel free to submit your own questions!

-----------------------------------

* I can't find the video for that one. Perhaps it was a sub-exploration of another topic, like "Can you freeze your farts and smell them later?" or "Can your farts save a buddy's life?"

Sometimes We Get Good News

by Shaker Esme

The city of Gainesville had its local elections on Tuesday. For weeks I couldn't watch my Law and Order in peace, without being forced to watch disgusting commercials from the people supporting something called Amendment 1.

Watch this video [trigger warning], and guess what the changes to the Gainesville charter were.

Answers under the fold...

If you guessed that the law in question legalized child molestation, go to page 12.

If you guessed that the law in question caused creepy men in hats to sneak into the ladies room and touch your daughter, go to page 73.

If you guessed that the law in question meant that businesses in Gainesville weren't allowed to discriminate in housing and employment based on gender identity, you were correct.

That's all it was. A revision to the charter that prevents discrimination. And in the months since it passed, no one went into the ladies room and said it was cool to molest children or watch them pee because they were trans. Even a man who snuck into the ladies room to use his cell phone to take pictures of women peeing didn't try to claim that the change in law made it okay.

Why? Because the change in law had nothing to do with criminal law, and everything to do with preventing discrimination in employment and housing. Period. But just like with the ERA, the people fighting anti-discrimination are obsessed with the ladies room. I wonder what happens when they encounter a unisex restroom. Do they freak out and wet themselves right next to the sign?

OH THE HUMANITY
Anyway, so they tried to pass Amendment 1, which would have rolled back all those new protections and instead made it so Gainesville only had to comply with the state's more lax standard of nondiscrimination (this pdf has the details of Amendment 1 and all of its effects) and prevent any future additions to local non-discrimination law. And I had my Law and Order time encroached upon with these commercials. And I had to drive to and from work every day past a piece of human-shaped fecal matter with a big sign saying that Amendment 1 was necessary to protect children from sexual predators, which has resulted in me practically straining my middle finger twice a day.

So I bet you're all waiting for the good news, right?

We defeated that fucker here.

Because we're better than that. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

The Audacity of Toke, Continued

Obama says marijuana is not a good strategy to spur economy:

In a statement that's sure to disappoint many of those who submitted questions to President Obama's virtual town hall meeting, the president made clear Thursday he does not support legalizing marijuana as a means to spur economic growth.

"I have to say that there was one question that was voted on that ranked fairly high, and that was whether legalizing marijuana would improve the economy and job creation," Obama said off-handedly at the town hall. "I don't know what that says about the online audience."

Ha ha! Bloggerz is potheadz! And we wear our pajamaz! In da basement!

"The answer is no, I do not think that is a good strategy to grow our economy," Obama said to laughter from the town hall participants.

I disagree.

Discuss.

Two-Minute Nostalgia Sublime

Classic Letterman

Question of the Day

Suggested by Shaker BGK: What life goal are you working towards that your friends/family/co-workers do not understand?

BGK answers: "I'm trying to learn French, and while I have some very supportive friends and family, they do not understand it at all."

My answer would be "that whole zany blogging thing." Some people I know get it, but a lot don't, either by virtue of not understanding why I'd want to put my self and opinions out there, not understanding why anyone else cares what I have to say, lol, or not understanding wtf a blog is. And, for the most part, the not-understanding leans more toward the mystified rather than the actively hostile.