In Small Mercies
I may have the plague and feel like I've been hit by a truck, but at least I'm not an execrable fucking idiot who cheers like a wind-up cymbal monkey at risible poppycock.
Pardon Me, Mr. Governor, But I Do Believe Your Pants Are on Fire*
Tuesday night, during his deservedly much-maligned (even at Fox!) rebuttal to President Obama's address, Louisiana Governor Bobby "Kenneth from 30 Rock" Jindal told a doggone adorable tale about a grizzled sheriff, a plucky politician, and their crusade against a terrible monster named Bureaucracy:
During Katrina, I visited Sheriff Harry Lee, a Democrat and a good friend of mine. When I walked into his makeshift office, I'd never seen him so angry. He was yelling into the phone: "Well, I'm the sheriff—and if you don't like it, you can come and arrest me!"Awwwww. I just love stories that make me proud to be an American by showing how the American SpiritTM of Real AmericansTM can triumph over evil like the American government and all its rules and regulations designed to ensure that people drown!
I asked him: "Sheriff, what's got you so mad?" He told me that he had put out a call for volunteers to come with their boats to rescue people who were trapped on their rooftops by the floodwaters. The boats were all lined up ready to go, when some bureaucrat showed up and told them they couldn't go out on the water unless they had proof of insurance and registration.
I told him, "Sheriff, that's ridiculous!" And before I knew it, he was yelling into the phone: "Congressman Jindal is here, and he says you can come and arrest him, too!" Harry just told the boaters to ignore the bureaucrats and start rescuing people.
Too bad it looks to be a big stinking pile of horseshit.
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* And I'd totally help you put them out, if only my Republican governor hadn't done his patriotic duty of defunding emergency services like volcano monitoring and fire prevention, leaving me without a fire extinguisher. So I guess you're on your own. Luckily, because of Republican health and safety deregulation, your proverbial bootstraps are probably made of asbestos!
Poor Joe
Joe the Multi-Faceted Hat-Wearer puts on his "Writin' Hat" to
sign autographs last night at a Borders in DC, where "about 11 people
wandered into the rows of seats set up hopefully in the basement" who
he addressed "from behind a lectern and with a microphone … that
seemed unnecessarily formal."
Never have I longed to be in DC so much as reading about this splendid event:
The only heat generated by Joe's appearance last night came when a young man named Jabari Zakiya recounted great moments in American racism (slavery, annihilation of Native Americans, segregation, etc.) and asked Wurzelbacher if the "hegemony" of the white man in America is "doomed" now that five states and the District of Columbia have majority minority populations.Wow.
Joe replied that he believes "our American heritage is being torn apart" by flag burners, critics of the military, and those who mock Christian values. He expressed his admiration for patriotic immigrants, and said he dislikes terms like African American and Asian American ("We're all Americans," he said). For some reason, he concluded by saying, "America has always been a kick-butt, take-names kind of country."
The event was scheduled to last three hours, but ended after 55 minutes, with Joe having sold a total of five books.
Take My Wife, Please
This sounds just delightful:
Jerry Seinfeld is returning to network series television after an 11-year hiatus as creator and exec producer of an NBC reality series that seeks to mine laughs out of marriage problems.Seinfeld explains that, despite the fact that the show depends on marital problems for its existence, it's "not a therapy show; it's a comedy show," the concept for which he developed after nine years of marriage wherein he "discovered that the comedic potential of this subject is quite rich." It's an opinion with which the author of News from Shakes Manor would hardly disagree—although it's never occurred to me to make money off mocking other people's marital problems on national television.
The comedian and his Columbus 81 Prods. are teaming with longtime "Oprah Winfrey Show" exec producer Ellen Rakieten to create "The Marriage Ref," a nonfiction series that will feature opinionated celebrities, comedians and sports stars offering commentary and advice to real-life couples enduring "classic marital disputes."
…"Jerry called us up and told us he had an idea," [NBC Entertainment co-chair Ben Silverman] said. "He flew in to sit down with us, and he and Ellen pitched the show. We were laughing the whole time as they went through the concept. As Jerry noted, some of the greatest comedies in history have been about marriage."
I am a huge fan of stand-up comedy—and there's almost nothing I like to watch better than a great stand-up comedian who can eviscerate a topic from a new angle, whether that topic is Hot Pockets or womanhood and the rape culture or religion or shitty stand-up comics (Dawn French rulezzz, lol).
Because I love it so, I watch a lot of stand-up comedy—but most of it is garbage. And the reason most of it is garbage is because most of it is tired, hackneyed, rehashed rubbish (which wasn't even funny the first time) about "relationships." Men are horny dogs! Ha ha ha! Women are shopaholic chatterboxes! Ha ha ha! Mars and Venus, baby. Mars. And. Venus.
Oh, my aching sides.
The most unremarkable, uninspired, unchallenging, and unrevolutionary subject in all of stand-up comedy is relationships. Across the comedy spectrum, that well has been mined totally, utterly dry by hundreds upon hundreds of men and women who obligingly insert into their routines some barely indistinguishable variation on the same old unoriginal (and heterocentrist and sexist) battle-of-the-sexes shtick—observations regurgitated ad infinitum in insipid sitcoms, interchangeable romcoms, and adverts hawking everything from burgers to deodorant.
It the rare comic indeed who offers subversive material like (avowed feminist) Wanda Sykes' above-linked "Detachable Vagina" bit—and I seriously cannot begin to imagine (unfortunately) that "The Marriage Ref" is going be featuring comedy which deconstructs a, say, sexual problem through the lens of the rape culture and/or treating women's bodies like public property (no matter how relevant such a position might nonetheless be).
And even if there weren't a dearth of comics doing this sort of innovative and defiant work, the producer of the show promoted his last film with rape jokes and homophobic and transphobic promo spots.
I've little hope that the combination of a scarcity of groundbreaking and norms-shattering material and Seinfeld's sad retrofuckery are going to yield anything but a patriarchy-propagating monster.
Which will probably be an enormous success.
Sigh.
Exactly
Eric Boehlert and I have been thinking the same thing, but he write more good.
The insane Right has been unbelievably vicious in their attacks on Obama, a month into office, and whine "But liberals were mean to Bush!" as a "that makes everything we say acceptable" dodge. It's been a month.Meanwhile, last week widely read right-wing blogger Michelle Malkin was seen smiling while getting her picture taken with an Obama hater who proudly brandished a swastika placard at an anti-Obama rally in Denver. And the following day, Rupert Murdoch's far-right New York Post published a grotesque cartoon that seemed to associate Obama with a bullet-ridden monkey who'd been shot by two white cops on a city sidewalk.
If we just pause and take one or two steps back from the daily/hourly barrage of hate, it's obvious that faced with the new Obama presidency, the Republican Noise Machine has already lost all perspective -- has gone totally loco -- and it's only February, a mere month into Obama's first four years in office. Who dares to even imagine where the right-wing "conversation" goes from here?
Read the whole thing.
Quote of the Day (That Will Make You Want to Hit Things)
I wasn't aware of this, but apparently Rush Limbaugh is completely mystified as to why women might hate his guts. I know, I'll wait for you to stop laughing.
So, okay, Rush decided to convene a "Female Summit," whateverthefuck that is, to get to the bottom of this problem. Of course, he could stop saying shit like:
I own the men, and what must I do now to own women? And who better to ask than women? Including some of those who may agree that that I’m unfavorable. So stand by for that.
Because, you know, women might not like being thought of as possessions of Rush Limbaugh, but I digress.
So, Rush decides to open the phone lines to women, and women only, for an entire hour at the end of his show, so they can tell him why he's a buttfor. Gee, how generous. Frankly, I don't think three times that amount of time would be enough for me to rattle off all of the reasons I loathe Limbaugh, but I think it can be encapsulated in this quote:
One thing about the Female Summit: sorry, no transsexuals. We’re not going to have anybody who’s had an addadictomy, and we’re not going to have anybody who’s had a chopadickoffamy. We’re going to have women from birth.
Fuck you, Limbaugh.
(You might want to read some of the comments given to Limbaugh, and check out his reaction to them. Of course, everything the women say is completely ridiculous and is immediately dismissed. Gee, I can't figure out why women fucking hate you, Rush.)
Lost Open Thread
Last night's episode will be discussed in infinitesimal detail, so if you haven't seen it, and don't want any spoilers, move along...
Two-Minute Nostalgia Sublime
For Phil, who mentioned another favorite cereal of mine, Quisp!
I can just hear the marketing meeting. "You know who's voice we should use for Quisp? Jerry Lewis! Kids love Jerry Lewis!"
Top Chef Open Thread
Chef Tom Colicchio will drink. your. milkshake!!!
He will also, if you are very, very good, share with you his nana's special secret recipe for Pathetic Anger Bread.
Now, here's a little Dancing Carla to get your blood pumping before the final showdown (sorry I suck at gif-making, but I'm posting it with love, Carla-style!):
HOOTY-HOO!!!
Go get 'em, grrl.
Question of the Day
What "One Hit Wonder" band do you love, owning most, if not all, of their recordings? ("One Hit Wonder" can also include bands you consider criminally unappreciated, if they never had a "hit.")
Surprise surprise, my answer! Is not! Devo! (I don't consider them a "one hit," or criminally unappreciated band. Don't question me.) I'm going with Men Without Hats. Yeah, yeah, everyone loves "Safety Dance." But I really love all of their stuff, and own every album. Maybe the song "Pop Goes the World" could be considered a hit; is there such thing as a "two hit wonder?" I'll have to give "In the 21st Century" a spin when I get home...
Anyway. Men Without Hats. Love 'em. Wish they were still putting out albums. And you?
What, No Suitable Fried Chicken Joke?!
Dean Grose, the mayor of Los Alamitos, CA, sent out an e-mail with the subject, "No Easter Egg Hunt This Year." Said e-mail included a picture of what the alternative celebration would be:
A watermelon hunt!!
Keyanus Price, a local black businesswoman who received the e-mail, called Grose out on his racism and demanded an apology. I'll bet you can guess what he said, right?
He don't know nothin' bout no racism! From the article linked above:[Grose] said he was unaware of the racial stereotype that black people like watermelons.
As Renee said, maybe it was accidental that he chose watermelons instead of pumpkins or something.
His response was full of other tired lines, too. He waxed unpoetically about his lack of intent to offend. Then there was, "Bottom line is, we laugh at things and I didn't see this in the same light that she did," Grose told the AP.
Which translates, roughly, to either "She's too sensitive!" or "She was looking to be offended!" He also claimed "It wasn't sent to offend her personally—or anyone—from the standpoint of the African-American race."
That sounds a lot like, "I know the singular, monolithic standpoint of the African American race and this wasn't offensive. Why, pretty soon, I'll pull out my black friend who wasn't the least offended by it!"
Anything but a true apology and an acknowledgement of his racism.
H/T Renee
Crossposted at elle, phd
Quote of the Day
"I was horrified when I read that e-mail. What I'm concerned about is how can this person send an e-mail out like this and think it is OK?" — Keyanus Price, an African American, who received the image viewable in Elle's post in an e-mail from Los Alamitos Mayor Dean Grose.
Edited For Television
I've been sitting at my desk for a while now trying to think of something insightful to say about this story, but I'm drawing a blank. So, I'll just pass along the info sans any commentary.
Gay Asians voiced indignation Wednesday after television broadcasts of the Academy Awards in their region censored the words "gay" and "lesbian" in speeches that called for equal rights for homosexuals.The rest is here.
Shaker Gourmet: chicken chowder for the plague victims
Plague is one of those words when you write/type it out several times, it starts to look strange. Or maybe that's just me. LOL
Anyway, the recipe this week is a fairly recent find of mine that is quickly becoming a favorite here. It's also a nice, warm chicken chowder for those who are on the mend but still feeling bleh --or just a nice dinner (or lunch) for a cool day. It's originally Paula Deen's and here is the original recipe.
My changes from the original were mostly to approximately cut it in half--I didn't need 12 - 14 servings! LOL I also took out the celery (added celery seed), added corn, and roasted the pepper. I think this would taste good without the actual chicken meat in it as well and maybe add potato in its place. For those that aren't familiar with poblanos, they aren't especially hot but that have a very nice flavor.Poblano Chicken Chowder
* 2 tablespoons olive oil
* 1 large carrot, chopped into small pieces
* 1 large onion, minced
* 3 cloves minced garlic
* 1 large poblano pepper, roasted, seeded, and chopped
* 3/4 cup frozen sweet corn kernels
* 1/4 teaspoon salt
* two to three grinds of black pepper
* 1/8 teaspoon ground cumin (or more to taste)
* 1/4 teaspoon dried thyme (or more to taste
* 1/8 teaspoon celery seed
* 1.5 teaspoons chicken bouillon granules
* 1 3/4 (7 cups) quarts chicken broth
* 1/4 bunch fresh cilantro leaves, minced
* 1 cup diced (large pieces) cooked chicken
* 1/4 cup (1/2 stick) unsalted butter
* 1/2 cup all-purpose flour
* 1/2 teaspoon hot sauce, or more to taste
* 1/2 cup heavy cream
-- Turn broiler on high and move rack up to the second highest position. Line a baking sheet with foil. Cut the top off the poblano (try not to take much of the pepper, just get the stem), then cut pepper in half. Take out the seeds. Put each half skin side up on foil and roast until blackened in oven (about 10 minutes--but keep an eye on it). Take out of oven and put in airtight container, ziploc bag, or close up tightly in foil. Set aside to let cool. Once cool, you should be able to peel the blackened skin off easily. Chop the roasted, skinned halves into pieces. (This is just one way to roast a pepper that doesn't require turning and if you have a preferred way, go with that)
-- Heat the oil in a large stockpot over medium heat. Add the carrots, onions, garlic, poblano peppers, salt, pepper, cumin, thyme, and celery seed. Saute for 7 to 8 minutes, or until the vegetables begin to soften. Stir in the chicken bouillon. Add the chicken broth and cilantro, and cook for 10 to 12 minutes, or until the carrots are tender. Stir in the chicken and corn and cook, stirring frequently, until the chicken and corn are heated through. Let simmer on low for about 15 minutes.
-- Shortly before the chowder is done, melt the butter in a large skillet over medium heat. Add the flour and stir to combine. Cook, stirring frequently, for 3 to 4 minutes to cook the flour. Do not allow the mixture to brown! Ladle a half cup of the hot liquid from the stockpot into the skillet, whisking constantly until well-combined. Ladle one more half cup and whisk. Pour the mixture in the skillet into the stockpot, whisking to blend. Cook, stirring frequently, for 3 to 5 minutes longer, or until the mixture begins to thicken. Remove the pot from the heat. Stir in the hot sauce, then the cream, and serve.
If you'd like to participate in Shaker Gourmet, email me at: shakergourmet (at) gmail.com
Thanks, But No Thanks
I know Kanye West means well, but you know what's not cool? Wrapping your plea for tolerance in some really tired gay stereotypes. In fact, it's fairly counter-productive. Sure, he starts off kind of nice with:
Titles are very important. I like to embody titles, y'know, or words that have negative connotations, and explain why that's good. Take the word gay—like, in hip-hop, that's a negative thing, right? But in the past two, three years, all the gay people I've encountered have been, like, really, really, extremely dope.But you can probably already see where this is going. If not, the "Y'know, I haven't, like, gone to a gay bar, nor do I ever plan to" should be a good indication. (West likes the gays and all, but wouldn't actually go to a gay bar or anything, lest we get the wrong idea about him.)
Anyway, he continues:
But where I would talk to a gay person—the conversation would be mostly around, like, art or design—it'd be really dope. From a design standpoint, kids'll say, "Dude, those pants are gay." But if it's, like, good, good, good fashion-level, design-level stuff, where it's on a higher level than the average commercial design stuff, it's, like, gay people that do that. I think that should be said as a compliment. Like, "Dude, that's so good it's almost . . . gay."Yes, because us gays are good at fashion and design. We also like showtunes, know all the words to "I Will Survive," and worship Judy Garland.
Today in Banking News
TARP's inspector general, Neil Barofsky, is having all kinds of voice mail response issues:
[Barofsky] also said fewer than 5% of banks receiving government aid have responded to a request about what they have done with their bailout money.It could very well be that the banks he's trying to contact don't exactly want to be completely forthcoming about their usage of bailout funds:
Northern Trust flew hundreds of clients and employees to L.A. and put many of them up at some of the fanciest and priciest hotels in the city. We're told more than a hundred people were put up at the Beverly Wilshire in Bev Hills, and another hundred stayed at the Loews Santa Monica Beach Hotel. Still more stayed at the Ritz Carlton in Marina Del Rey and others at Casa Del Mar in Santa Monica.I don't really care if Northern Trust needed the bailout money or not. Taking the bailout funds provided them with a nice buffer to spend lavishly when it's not exactly prudent of them to do so, especially from a PR perspective.
While we've given shitloads of money to these bankers, the one thing we haven't given them is fear of consequence. I think it would be fairly easy to rectify that by something simple like unannounced FBI raids on each of the financial institutions who received TARP funds. If they're planning lavish parties or are unable to provide full documentation on fund usage, then the execs are off to prison and immediately replaced.
What ideas can you Shakers come up with to get these institutions in line?
[H/T to ThinkProgress]
OMG Historic Shoez!
Ferragamo platform shoe (1938) from the Metropolitan Museum of Art's Costume Institute
It would appear that some of us around here are not feeling very well. Even our own intrepid Benjamin Grumbles, despite his strapping appearance and the brave face he puts on for the rest of us, has been suffering from tired blood of late.
For those who are too enervated to do much beyond puttering around on their visual teletype machines, I offer some images and the possibility of nearly unlimited procrastination from the Metropolitan Museum of Art. Their entire catalogue is now online and searchable. The Met online: raising the fine art of Time Suckage to a whole new level!
How about some Venetian chopines, circa 1600:
And an Alexander McQueen dress to go with?
Or perhaps you're in the market for something a tad more...robust?
It's all online at the Metropolitan Museum of Art's Costume Institute and the hall of Arms and Armor.
N.B. This isn't exactly new; the searchable Met database has been online since October, according to Threadtrend. But I thought this would be a good day to bust it out.
Get well soon, sicky Shakers!
A Hearty Yawp of Well Wishes
Ahoy-hoy, Shakersvillagers! My airship's yeoman, Bruce, alerted me to the fact that our blogmistress is suffering from an illness. Bruce is a dab hand at the visual teletype, and he has assisted me in putting together an Aether-Card for this ailing young lady.
There we are; such an exuberant message of well-wishing would chase off even the most serious affliction! (I do hope our blogmistress does not blush when she sees this image of two masculine, bosom chums.) Thank heaven above our hostess was not afflicted with Magillicutty's Syndrome.
