Shakesville

And Clean-Up Is a Snap!

During the course of yesterday’s two hilarious and enlightening bathroom threads, I asserted that “The only thing better than an eggplant parm hoagie is an eggplant parm hoagie and a bubble bath.” Shaker Danzig replied thusly: “LOL! That’s the funniest and the most disgusting thing at the same time!”

Fair enough. But I will point out that there is a grand tradition of bathroom sandwich-nomming, the evidence for which may be found in history:

Romans share a dormouse poor-boy (with extra lettuce!) in the baths
And in art:

Nude in the Bathtub With Small Meatball Sub, after Bonnard
Also, it's a little-known fact that the charming and elegant Cary Grant never hit the showers without some Hot Pockets in the inner breast pocket of his jazzy Italian suit.

...Wet Pockets!
Please do not knock this great ablution sandwich tradition 'til you've tried it, Shakers!

Thank you.
______________
The original images are of Tony Curtis and Laurence Olivier in Spartacus, (1960); Pierre Bonnard's Nude in the Bathtub with Small Dog (1941-42); and Cary Grant in Charade (1962).

Bully Pulpit

Pet and Heretik have already linked Obama making his case for, as Chris Matthews would call it, "his big package" in an op-ed in the Washington Post.

But we really need to talk about the most awesome writer's bio evah, found at the end of the piece: "The writer is president of the United States." LOL!

The only way that could be improved is if it was: "The writer is president of the United States and has a kung-fu grip."

We'll Be Injecting Them Into Our Faces In No Time

hey your immortal jellyfish:

The Turritopsis Nutricula is able to revert back to a juvenile form once it mates after becoming sexually mature. Marine biologists say the jellyfish numbers are rocketing because they need not die. ... The jellyfish are originally from the Caribbean but have spread all over the world.

Turritopsis Nutricula is technically known as a hydrozoan and is the only known animal that is capable of reverting completely to its younger self. It does this through the cell development process of transdifferentiation. Scientists believe the cycle can repeat indefinitely, rendering it potentially immortal.

...Having stumbled upon the font of eternal youth, this tiny creature which is just 5mm long is the focus of many intricate studies by marine biologists and geneticists to see exactly how it manages to literally reverse its aging process.

Tune into QVC this afternoon for its new line of age-defying jellyfish-based cosmetics, Hydrozodiac!

1,000 points to Shaker Amber for sending this in under the heading, "Some Benjamin Buttons Shit for You."

Lost Open Thread

We have a lot to talk about!
Last night's episode will be discussed in infinitesimal detail, so if you haven't seen it, and don't want any spoilers, move along...

Two-Minute Nostalgia Sublime

Future Cop

Top Chef Open Thread

Chef Tom Colicchio will drink. your. milkshake!!!
He will also sidle up beside you with the stealth of a jungle cat and nuzzle you urgently while suggesting you cook him up a nice juicy piece of meat.

Question of the Day

Inspired by Spudsy's earlier post: Do you have any items in your bathroom that help you pass the time while you punch a grumpy? Does your bathroom have its own library? Do you while away the time plucking your eyebrows or flossing?

I've got one word for you: Sudoku.

Bale v. O'Reilly

[NSFW]

This was inevitable: The Mayor of Fuckington gets mashed up with the Duke of Douchebaggery.

Somebody put it to a goddamn beat!

Wednesday Goodness

Shaker Tharine sends this awesome gif of Top Chef's Carla in anticipation of a new episode tonight:

Love. It.

Between Bravo, which delivers my Chef fix, and ABC, which delivers my LOOOOOOOOOOOOOST!!!! fix, Hump Day has never been quite so wonderful!

I Write Letters

Dear America:

Some women have noticeable curves. Some women have less noticeable curves. All of them are real women.

Some men hew quite closely to traditional male stereotypes. Some men's gender expression is wildly different from traditional male stereotypes. All of them are real men.

Some men and women are attracted to the opposite sex. Some men and women are attracted to the same sex. Some men and women are attracted to both sexes, or neither. All of them are real men and women.

Some women and men were born the same gender they will die. Some women and men will transition to another gender during their lifetimes. Some will opt to present themselves as gender-neutral. All of them are real women and men.

Some women wear pink. Some women don't. All of them are real women.

Some men eat meat. Some men don't. All of them are real men.

Some Americans are brown. Some are white. Some are black. Some are some combination thereof. Some are Pacific Islanders. Some are indigenous people to this land. Some are from families that owned slaves. Some are from families that were enslaved. Some can trace their lineage back to the Mayflower. Some are recent immigrants. Some are religious. Some are not. Some believe in one god and some believe in many. Some Americans think George Bush is a great guy. Some Americans think Barack Obama is a great guy. Some Americans don't like either one of them. All of them are real Americans.

I am a real person. And so are you.

Authentically Yours,
Liss

Random YouTubery: Thrilling Tube Ride

You Know…

…John Amato makes a good point here about the agreement between Democratic New Hampshire Governor John Lynch and Republican Senator Judd Gregg that Lynch would replace Gregg with another Republican if he accepted the Commerce Dept. nomination: How dissimilar is it, really, from the quid pro quo over Obama's vacated Senate seat for which Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich was just removed from office?

In Illinois, it was that no one was getting the seat without a little something extra; in New Hampshire, it's that Gregg wouldn't leave the seat without a little something extra. Either way, it's political extortion.

And it's curious how one became a national scandal, and the other is being treated like politics as usual.

I guess Lynch's hair is too boring.

Daily Kitteh

I think Tilsy wants her tummy scratched.

Even Your Poo Can Be Hetero

(Today sucks, and I'm fed up. Work is horrendous, I've got a headache, and frankly, the way the Republicans are playing Obama and the Dems like an accordion [and the media obediently playing along] has me so pissed off, I'm ready to jump into a Christmas tree. Frankly, I need a laugh, and I figured some of you might as well, so I thought I'd re-run this article I wrote for another site. WARNING: This post is about poop, and I use some pretty disgusting euphemisms. I also use very naughty NWS language. If you're at all poo-phobic, you might wanna move along.)

Gee, Your Shit Smells Terrific So I was in the Merz Apothecary this week, buying shaving cream and ridiculously expensive soap, when I came upon a new product line called "Ritual." Now, I have a beard that can deflect tank mortars, so I'm always curious about new shaving products. The Ritual shaving cream didn't look like it would work well with a shaving brush, and yes I use a shaving brush, so I decided against it.

But, WAIT just a minute, good friends? What's THIS?

Confession time: I, your good friend Spudsy, have a phobia of making number twos in a public restroom. I'll make sure I'm empty before I leave the house every day, and if I'm out and about, you'd better believe I know where the cleanest, most private public lavvys are. And Maude forbid, if I'm out at a bar and I have to punch a grumpy, I'll go the fuck home. This is MY issue and I own it, ok? Frankly, I'm amazed there are people that have no problem with dropping a deuce in a fucking gas station shitter.

Anyway, when you're at work, you don't have the option of going home, do you? And there's nothing worse than going into the office craphouse just to have your co-worker walk in when you've made butt coffee so vile that the paint is peeling. You'd have to quit your job and move to another state; they'd be calling you "Stinky McShitpants" forever.

Enter: NATURE CALLS. You put two drops of this miracle elixir into the toilet water just before getting rid of your lunch, and it COMPLETELY eliminates any smell. And it WORKS, bitchez. It smells a bit like industrial bathroom cleanser, but hey, that's better than smelling the Indian food you processed last night.

I am Paul the Spud, and I love Nature Calls.

Anyway, one thing I found really amusing was the tag line on Ritual's "Products" page. "Goodbye Metrosexual, Hello Machosexual." OoooooOOOOoooooh! Get her. I love how they're using this two-fisted, old-timey, Ba-Da-Bing macho look (Look, this guy's got TATTOOS on his FINGERS. Whotta man!), meanwhile, their product that is getting the most press and attention is created for guys that are nervous that their dook might make the bathroom a little whiffy. How butch.

hey your big gay british clone

Just received in an email from my friend Jason:

Is there an Andrew Sullivan Clone Factory? Just flipping channels today, there are a lot of British men who look like him but in various states of unshaven.

Oh dear. If there is an Andrew Sullivan Clone Factory, Maude help us all.

The only thing worse would be a Melissa McEwan Clone Factory.

Terrifying.

Of course, the ensuing clone wars would be better than anything of which George Lucas has ever dreamed.

Wednesday Blogaround

What's the frequency, Shakers?

Recommended Reading:

Sarah: That's DR. Biden to You

Zohra: Yes Means Yes: With Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha

Lauredhel: The Feminist Web

Mannion: Presidential Vanities

Resistance: Words Fail

Tami: Dispatches from Nappyville: Erin Aubrey Kaplan wrote an article about Michelle Obama for Salon magazine and it wasn't about the First Lady's ass!

Leave your links in comments...

Calling All Shakers for the Teaspooning Assist

by Shaker Christina

Some background: All year, The Girl has been coming home with stories of her ultra-wingnut, Mormon English teacher arguing her political views to the class.* Today, I finally had enough and despite The Girl's wishes for me to leave it alone, I wrote the teacher an e-mail.** E-mail ahead:

Mrs. Inappropriate English Teacher Person,

I am The Girl's mother. I have heard about the "discussion" that you had in class this morning and the, quite frankly, racist overtones of the power point and the lack of any counterpoint from those who are supposed to be educated in these issues in order to provide said counterpoint. I have heard of other such discussions in the past and have honored my daughter's wish to leave it alone. However, there is a limit and I've reached mine.

I understand that the discussion centered on Islam and "how they rape their women, they stone them and veil them, and otherwise oppress their women. Their culture is worthless. We should change them."

Let me take this point by point.

[ed. Here I inserted an exhaustive xkcd-style rebuttal with links, numbered and bulleted, about all that was wrong with the above statements. I have spared you. You’re welcome.]

I'm very disturbed by the political discussions in an English class, not to mention how one-sided they are. My 17 year old daughter seems to be the only voice of dissent in the discussion according to reports and, being 17, doesn't have the knowledge or the skills to argue the truth effectively. I'm disturbed that these kids will be going out in society soon, and God help the Afghans, might join the military and be given a gun after being taught that Muslims are less than. These little discussions have real world consequences.

I understand that abortion is next on the agenda. Please allow me to direct your attention to the history of septic wards in every hospital, the history of forced birth for white woman and forced sterilization and abortion for black women, the difference in maternal mortality rates between countries with liberal abortion laws and those that ban abortion, not to mention simply the idea that a fully-formed human being loses the right to control her own body and organs in favor of a clump of tissue completely dependent upon her organs and her nutrition. Oh, I could go on, but I'll spare you. I'm sure you are already aware of these points and will counter-argue the prevailing beliefs shown by the students in order to foster critical thought.

Thank you for your time and attention,
Christina [Smith-Farmer]

She answered back with a fairly reasonable response. The Girl tells me that it's pretty much BS and the things she says she said in class are, perhaps, a bit short of true and perhaps leaning more to "truthiness".

Still, the teacher asked for books that are "similarly well-written, that offer additional information and well-researched points of view, [she] would appreciate [my] input. [She] revise[s] the list every year and [is] looking for information that is accurate and will give the students real issues to discuss and write about." I would like to give her what she asked for. That is why I need you, Shakers. The following two books are the ones that are problematic:

Hirsi Ali, Ayaan. Infidel. New York: Free Press. 2007. Ali is the Somali-born former member of the Dutch parliament who faced death threats after collaborating on a film about domestic violence against Muslim women with controversial director Theo van Gogh (who was himself assassinated). Even before then, her attacks on Islamic culture as "brutal, bigoted, [and] fixated on controlling women" had generated much controversy. In this suspenseful account of her life and her internal struggle with her Muslim faith, she discusses how these views were shaped by her experiences amid the political chaos of Somalia and other African nations, where she was subjected to genital mutilation and later forced into an unwanted marriage.

Levitt, Steven D. and Stephen J. Dubner, Freakonomics. New York: William Morrow, 2006. Economics is not widely considered to be one of the sexier sciences. The annual Nobel Prize winner in that field never receives as much publicity as his or her compatriots in peace, literature, or physics. But if one has the notion that economics is dull, or that economists are concerned only with finance itself, Steven D. Levitt will change some minds. In Freakonomics (written with Stephen J. Dubner), Levitt argues that many apparent mysteries of everyday life don't need to be so mysterious: they could be illuminated and made even more fascinating by asking the right questions and drawing connections.

Infidel is not objectionable because of its controversial subject matter, but because it's offered without any alternative or complementary material, which effectively turns one woman's experience into "women's experience" for an audience mostly unsophisticated enough to discern the different. The part that is problematic about Freakonomics is the part that correlates Roe v Wade and lower crime rates. ***

I know Shakers are among the most well-read folks around so if you know of a non-fiction book that will counter the arguments of the books above, I would love to begin an(other) exhaustive, xkcd-style list (see above) of such. Please leave them in comments.

In the interest of full-disclosure, this is a high-school junior level AP English course in Texas. So, for example, Dorothy Roberts' Killing the Black Body, while certainly fitting the criteria laid-out above, would be beyond the ability to comprehend for the intended audience.

--------------------------------

*Nikki has 6 other teachers, two of them history/social studies teachers and I have no idea what religion they are or what their political leanings are. I continue to ask, "Why do I know this about her, then?"

**I'm a Bad Mom^TM and terribly embarrassing to my children. Life sucks, that's how it goes. I'm just doing my part for the psychology industry. It’s an investment in our future. Think of it as delayed economic stimulus. I am a patriot after all.

***How have these guys made so much money by serially committing cum hoc ergo propter hoc logical fallacies, I’ll never know. I weep for logic, science and mathematics, y’all.

Today in Disembodied Things

More women's parts re-imagined as part of an entertainment system:
The creatively named iBoobs contain a set of iPod speakers which "sit behind the rather generously enhanced padding so you can snuggle up, or nestle your head between the lovely pair whilst chillaxing to the sounds of The Kings of Leon."

Swell.

I'm frankly more disgusted by the items in which the female body parts are designed to be usable items than I am by the novelty items. As objectionable as boob-shaped lollies are, for example, things like this or the pencil sharpener or the cigarette snuffer just absolutely make my skin crawl.

Thanks to Jessica for sending this to me.

[Disembodied Things: Parts One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, Eleven, Twelve, Thirteen, Fourteen, Fifteen, Sixteen, Seventeen, Eighteen, Nineteen, Twenty, Twenty-One, Twenty-Two, Twenty-Three.]

More Tool Academy

Shaker RedSonja emails:

So I caught up on Tool Academy yesterday morning and am in utter agreement about how the patriarchy hurts men too. I really felt some empathy for these guys. KarateMonkey, however, is more in agreement with Amanda on this post, that they're emotionally abusive and the show is just the "honeymoon" phase of the abuse cycle. Which led us to a question—once a tool of the patriarchy, always a tool of the patriarchy? How could you tell if someone is genuinely changing their perspective as opposed to moving to the next behavior in the cycle? Just interested to hear what you (and other Shakers) think about this.

First, I don't think that the two notions are mutually exclusive; that the Tool Academics are both victims of the patriarchy and its jack-booted thugs at the same time is the nature of the creation of the Alpha Male, someone who has a vested interest in protecting, at all costs, the system from which he most benefits. Or thinks he most benefits: Even the average straight, white, middle class American man exchanges privilege for severe limitations on his personal expression and emotional life—and he is encouraged never to examine that devastating trade-off too closely, lest the veneer on the alleged bargain prove thin enough through which to see.

So, I don't know that agreeing with empathy or contempt is necessarily an either-or proposition. It's eminently possible to both acknowledge the Tool Academics are suffering because of their adherence to patriarchal standards and that they're abusive because of their adherence to patriarchal standards.

As to whether change is possible, well, if I didn't believe it were, I wouldn't be blogging—and I certainly wouldn't believe in teaspoons. It is my experience that both men and women are capable of unwinding, to varying degrees, their indoctrination into the system and regard themselves and others with the egalitarianism, autonomy, and dignity that the patriarchy seeks to deny.

Authentic change is, I think, indicated by a clear break in an established pattern—a willingness to communicate differently, a new ability to listen, the adoption of anger management techniques, etc.—and, more importantly, an evident change in how someone views him/herself. By which I don't mean someone who can say, "I can be a real asshole, baby," but someone who acknowledges what they've been doing isn't working, for themselves or their intimates, and is actively adopting strategies to change their thinking and associated behavior.

And now I open it up to the floor…

Quote of the Day

"When we get people who are more concerned about reading the rights to an Al Qaeda terrorist than they are with protecting the United States against people who are absolutely committed to do anything they can to kill Americans, then I worry. ... I think there's a high probability of such an attempt. Whether or not they can pull it off depends whether or not we keep in place policies that have allowed us to defeat all further attempts, since 9/11, to launch mass-casualty attacks against the United States."—Former Vice President Dick Cheney. All class, all the time.