It is now legal to own a dildo in Texas.
The jokes just write themselves, but feel free to add one of your own.
Fun In Texas
Question of the Day
Nicked from PSoTD: What "love songs" do you really love, or really hate?
I like love songs that attempt to communicate the feeling of loving someone in the awkward sort of ways that people attempt to communicate that feeling in real life. I'm particularly fond of Ben Folds' "The Luckiest" and The Smiths' "There Is a Light That Never Goes Out," which has the great lyric "And if a double-decker bus / Crashes into us / To die by your side / Is such a heavenly way to die / And if a ten-ton truck / Kills the both of us / To die by your side / Well, the pleasure, the privilege, is mine."
I love that.
Shut Up, Maureen Dowd
Part wev in an Ongoing Series by Tart and me, named elegantly and succinctly by Tart, about the World's Most Obnoxious Feminist Concern TrollTM.
MoDo's most recent column is so excruciatingly dreadful that Tart and I were actually begging each other to take it. "I started reading her column today and stopped after the third paragraph," said Tart. "I saw 'Dowd' and 'feminism' and a small part of my heart died." And all I can muster is another big bag of SHUT UP:
…and a recommendation that you go visit Echidne, who had the wherewithal to tackle the steaming pile of putrescence that Tart and I did not.
Barack Obama's Achilles Heel
As Barack Obama continues to rack up primary victories it appears that nothing can stop him. Commenting on his sweep of the Virginia, Maryland and Washington, D.C. primaries, CNN political strategist Donna Brazile called him "a metaphysical force in American politics." After watching Obama's victory speech, respected political pundit Chris Matthews sounded like a schoolgirl at a Justin Timberlake concert who doesn't quite understand the strange sensations she is feeling, when he exclaimed, "I felt this thrill going up my leg." But beneath Obama's air of superhuman invulnerability is an Achilles' heel, a potential liability that may shock many of his supporters if they learn the truth and could potentially derail his campaign. Contrary to the fervent belief of his most devoted fans, Obama is not superhuman, but is in fact all too human. Will Obama's supporters stand by him when they realize he is just a man or will their disillusionment prove to be a devastating blow?
Last year Tim Noah at Slate inaugurated the "Obama Messiah Watch," asking: "Is Barack Obama--junior U.S. senator from Illinois, best-selling author, Harvard Law Review editor, Men's Vogue cover model, and 'exploratory' presidential candidate--the second coming of our Savior and our Redeemer, Prince of Peace and King of Kings, Jesus Christ? His press coverage suggests we can't dismiss this possibility out of hand." A year later the idea that Obama is the messiah shows no sign of dissipating. A Google search for the words "Obama" and "messiah" yields a whopping 176,000 results. My friend Tom Watson has alerted me that there is even a blog called "Is Barack Obama the Messiah?" dedicated to collecting numerous messianic references to Obama in the press. "This is the New Testament," said his most devoted fan Chris Matthews. "The atmosphere at his events is such that one wonders if Obama is about to walk out with a basket with some loaves and fishes to feed the thousands," wrote Geoff Elliott in The Australian. "It's almost like the Messiah, you know?" said a young woman at one of his rallies, according to WCCO in Minnesota. "It was raw, naked, complete, worship, love, heart-whole passionate stunned and almost unbelieving but desperately wanting to believe him adoration," writes someone who attended an Obama rally in Virginia. "He is their Messiah. It's a cult. And they are going to be so disappointed."
Privately, many Obama advisors are also worried about a voter backlash if Obama does not manage to walk on water or raise Ronald Reagan from the dead before they go to the polls in November, and his advisors are already trying to dial back expectations just a little. Obama's wife, Michelle, pointed out in an interview with Glamour magazine that her husband has "stinky feet" and snores. "Barack is very much human," said Mrs. Obama, in case anyone was wondering. "So let's not deify him, because what we do is we deify, and then we're ready to chop it down." But her attempts at "humanizing" her husband may be too little, too late. In fact, some Obama devotees may just see these minor human failings as further evidence of his messianic nature. When Jesus took human form, He probably snored and had stinky feet, too, but that didn't make Him any less worthy of worship. Still, it's good to know that Obama has someone talking him down to earth every night while she is anointing his stinky feet with oil and drying them with her hair after a hard day on the campaign trail.
In a piece called "The Liberal Messiah" in the American Thinker, J.R. Dunn says that the cult of personality surrounding Obama is symptomatic of how liberals see their leaders. "A leader is a transcendent being, someone more than human, someone with a touch of the divine," writes Dunn. "Leaders don't handle tasks, they lead movements, they embody the spirit of the age. They transform. Leaders, to put it simply, are führers. This explains why liberals are so attracted to tyrants on the international scene." Unlike objects of devotion of these liberal fascists -- people like Franklin Roosevelt, John F. Kennedy and Stalin -- Ronald Reagan, he says, "didn't come across as anything preternatural." There is nothing unnatural or cult-like about Republicans' devotion to Reagan, of course. Republicans are not trying to secure Reagan's endorsement from beyond the grave, the way Obama seems to be trying to take on the mantel of Kennedy. And when Nancy Reagan looked up adoringly at the larger-than-life image of her husband behind her at the 1984 Republican Convention, it just emphasized his human qualities. (In fact, if Obama does get the nomination, Michelle Obama might want to try re-creating this touching image.) And President Bush always seemed like a guy you would want to have a beer with even when he was landing on an aircraft carrier in a flight jacket. Democrats, however, need to grow up and stop deifying their leaders. "While he'll never get my vote, he's an interesting and attractive figure," says Dunn, who can't help gushing a little himself. "And who knows, he may turn out to be the man who at last leads the Democrats beyond the need for this kind of adolescent hero worship."
Some conservatives, however, do not dismiss the idea of the messiah running for President out of hand, but they point out that He certainly wouldn't be running as a Democrat. "Obama is an advocate of gay rights, a strong believer in the concept of private property as social property, an abortion-on-demand fanatic," writes Ben Shapiro. "His pledge to move beyond the politics of the 1960s is a pledge to achieve unity in the fully triumphant program of the 1960s. If Obama is a Messiah, he is a secular Messiah, preaching the word of Tom Hayden." Joe Hirschhorn echoes the thoughts of many Republicans when he says that he might be willing to believe Obama is a political messiah and even vote for him if he took a strong stance against abortion, high taxes and illegal immigration, the way Jesus would.
While Obama may not do everything Jesus would do, many Republicans fret that if voters are convinced that Obama is the messiah it will be difficult to beat him in the Fall. Of course, Republicans would hate to throw the first stone, but there may be no other way of convincing voters that Obama is not the second coming short of muddying his white robes a little. Some Republican flacks are already trying desperately to point out chinks in Obama's armor. Ed Morrissey at Captain's Quarters reveals that Obama is not, in fact, as omniscient as he appears. A volunteer setting up an Obama office in Texas had a Cuban flag with a picture of Che Guevara tacked up in her office and Obama apparently knew nothing about it. How can he expect to run the government if he doesn't know what every underling is doing at all times? Morrissey said that Obama must immediately deny that he is an admirer of Che Guevara, but so far Obama has declined to take his advice. Meanwhile, Dean Barnett has discovered that when Obama is speaking without the aid of a Teleprompter, he sometimes pauses as if he is trying to think of what to say. Imagine what it would be like to have a President who is not as articulate when he is speaking extemporaneously as he is when reading from a speech. And as far as we know, Jesus didn't need notes when he gave the Sermon on the Mount. It could be a "real vulnerability" for Obama according to Jake Tapper of ABC News. These are just a couple examples of the devastating attacks that are already being levied against Obama. It can only get worse.
Some believe that the messianism surrounding Obama may actually be evidence of racism. It may be that our standards for a black Jesus are not quite as rigorous as our standards for a white Jesus. Ann Althouse points out that there is a bigotry of low expectations in the "presentation of Obama as godlike for accomplishing tasks that require skill within the range of mere mortals....What accounts for amazement to the point of adoration at the fact that a man possesses excellent skill at something like note taking? Is it not that he can do it and he's black?" In a piece in the Los Angeles Times last year, film critic David Ehrenstein, who is black and quite articulate, said that much of the fawning over Obama reflects a desire of many white Americans for a "Magic Negro" who can "assuage white 'guilt' (i.e., the minimal discomfort they feel) over the role of slavery and racial segregation in American history, while replacing stereotypes of a dangerous, highly sexualized black man with a benign figure for whom interracial sexual congress holds no interest." This post-modern folk hero is seen chiefly in cinema, he wrote, from the characters portrayed by Sidney Poitier in Lilies of the Field, To Sir with Love and Guess Who's Coming to Dinner to Morgan Freeman's chauffeur in Driving Miss Daisy. " Like a comic-book superhero," said Ehrenstein, "Obama is there to help, out of the sheer goodness of a heart we need not know or understand. For as with all Magic Negroes, the less real he seems, the more desirable he becomes. If he were real, white America couldn't project all its fantasies of curative black benevolence on him."
But even if Republican strategists -- or even Hillary -- don't find the kryptonite that will bring this Superman down, it's difficult to see how Obama can sustain the level of excitement he has stirred for the next nine months as we get to know him better. As the VH1 show Scott Baio Is 46, reminds us, there comes a time in the life of every adolescent girl, and even Chris Matthews, when they peel the yellowing photos of Scott Baio they cut out of Tiger Beat off their bedroom walls and toss them in the garbage bin. Barack Obama will be 46 in August. Will Chris Matthews and Obama's other devoted disciples still have his picture on their bedroom walls then?
Illustration by Ray Noland a.k.a. CRO from the Chicago Tribune via the blog "Is Barack Obama the Messiah?"
Crossposted at Jon Swift
Quote of the Day
"Rape, ladies and gentlemen, is not today what rape was. Rape, when I was learning these things, was the violation of a chaste woman, against her will, by some party not her spouse. Today it's simply, 'Let's don't go forward with this act'."—Antique horse's ass and Tennessee State Senator Doug Henry, as part of an abortion debate in his state.
Ann says: "In the modern era, now that all women are dirty whores, rape is really no big deal. After all, women can just say no!"
Personally, my favorite part is his implicit caveat about how men used to be able to rape their wives with immunity—you know, back in the good ol' days!
Girly Bits Are Grody
The oh-so-hip Seattle Times has refused to run an ad for two performances of The Vagina Monologues because the co-sponsors of the event would not accommodate their request to change the artwork to something more "appropriate."
So much for the horror of nothing to see.
Hilariously, the scandalous inclusion of an oblique clitoris did not "stop Temple B'nai Torah and several area synagogues from prominently displaying a poster with the artwork in question in their places of worship."
'"The artwork was created by a member of my congregation," said Rabbi Yohanna Kinberg of B'nai Torah. "We have it hanging in several places in our Temple. I was just very disappointed that the Times didn't share our appreciation for what I consider to be tasteful and beautiful artwork."Eh, what does she know? No self-respecting religion lets wommenz be leaders, anyway!
Assvertising
Shaker V sent me the link to this Valentine's Day JC Penny ad in which men use jewelry like a hypnotist's pendant while uttering lines like:
• "Shiny, isn't it?"
• "You love how it looks. You think I'm the perfect man."
• "You are very happy with me right now."
Then at the end comes the text: "Today's the day everyone gets what they want."
Women get jewelry. Men get laid. Happy Valentine's Day.
Is there anything more beautiful than romance? My favorite part, aside from JC Penny's evident belief that women are magpie hookers, is how the price of this stunning jewelry is right in the advert, so men know exactly how much their girlfriend/wife-whores will cost them:
Ooh, shiny! Pretty sparkly thing make me moist in the naughty bits!
You know what? If I could be bought with jewelry, that tacky piece of shit wouldn't buy a bloke a handjob—and most of the women I know get turned on by dudez (or chickz) who treat them with kindness and respect. Save your money and offer her a long, languorous backrub.
[Assvertising: Parts One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, Eleven, Twelve, Thirteen, Fourteen, Fifteen, Sixteen, Seventeen, Eighteen, Nineteen.]
From the Vault
I was looking for an old post when I stumbled across this in the archives, from January 24, 2005:
Last night, I had a very long and vivid dream that America had descended into a cultural civil war—and not a cold war, but a real, full-on, violent war. The two sides were known as the Christians and the Scientists. In the dream, I was standing outside the gates at a Christians rally, led by William Donahue of the Catholic League, and the war was about to begin in earnest.I had totally forgotten about that. Fairly freaking prescient, as it turned out.
The Excluders
From the Miami Herald:
Domestic partnerships could be officially recognized by Miami-Dade government this year, guaranteeing hospital visitation rights and allowing county workers to buy health insurance for their partners.I'm curious as to what Commissioner Martinez means exactly when he says he doesn't "believe in it." Is that like he doesn't believe that domestic partnerships exist, like some mythological beast, or does it mean that he has a problem with them based on some other reason, like religion or homophobia?
''It's wrong to deny anyone health insurance or to deny anyone hospital visitation rights,'' said Heddy Peña, executive director of SAVE, Miami-Dade County's leading gay-rights group. ''When someone is at their most vulnerable, they want to know that their family can see them when they're in the ICU ward in a coma.''
Five of the 13 county commissioners cosponsored the measure -- Chairman Bruno Barreiro and members Audrey Edmonson, Carlos Gimenez, Sally Heyman and Katy Sorenson. Many other commissioners said Tuesday they had not seen the item and would not comment.
At least one, Joe Martinez, said he would oppose the bill.
''I just don't believe in it,'' he said, declining to elaborate.
Any pair of unmarried adults who live together and are not related by blood could register as domestic partners, regardless of sexual orientation. The bill insists the partnerships would not ''be construed as recognizing or treating a domestic partnership as a marriage.''
Domestic partnerships are recognized in Broward and Palm Beach counties, and insurance benefits are offered in the Miami-Dade school district.
I don't know Mr. Martinez, but I'm going to go out on a limb here and suggest that it's the latter reason, in line with the thinking of the anti-gay crusaders that have been pushing the voters in Florida to add a ban on gay marriage to the state constitution and have fought against equal rights for gays and lesbians since the 1970's.
''It's just another effort to demean marriage,'' said Anthony Verdugo, executive director of Miami-Dade's Christian Family Coalition. ''Our gut feeling is that it's pseudo-marriage, marriage-like -- even though it says it isn't.''Leave it to the Christianists to blow it all out of proportion and throw in a dose of paranoid transference while they're at it. How else can they stay relevant...and shake down the foolish and the gullible for money in the bargain?
I have never been able to get a cogent explanation out of these people as to how granting equal rights to every member of the community is somehow a threat to straight married people. As I've said over and over again, two people who agree to a mutual commitment to share the rights and responsibilities of life together regardless of their gender doesn't threaten "traditional marriage," it actually strengthens it. The sole purpose of marriage is not to merely procreate; we have ample examples that having babies does not magically create a family. But partnerships, be they gay or straight, are more than just two people sharing living quarters. They give each other a sense of stability and responsibility to each other that goes beyond that, and that helps strengthen the community and can even serve as an example to straight couples; if they see that two men or two women can have a successful and fulfilling life together in spite of the odds against them wrought by bigotry and bureaucratic intransigence, perhaps they can get past their own problems as well.
What I think really lies behind the anti-gay marriage advocates' fears has little to do with the so-called "demeaning of marriage." After all, Britney Spears and plenty of other straight people have pretty well cornered that market. Nor does it have to do with redefining marriage, since that has been going on at a pretty steady pace since the institution was founded. It has to do with the basic human trait to want to feel superior to someone else. It makes some people feel better about themselves if they can say to other people, be they gay or straight, black or white, Jewish or Gentile, female or male, "you can't join our club." It may make them feel that it makes them exclusive, but what I really think is behind it is that once they open the doors to others, they're afraid that the new members will actually show them up and prove that they -- the excluders -- are not as good as the people they tried to keep out.
(Cross-posted.)
Sun-Baked Bigotry in the Copper State
In the only state that fundies managed to put a marriage amendment on the ballot only to see it go down in defeat, John McCain's state of Arizona has a bunch of homobigots ready to try again to enshrine discrimination in its constitution because, apparently, the voters were snookered the first time.If at first you don't succeed, attack, attack again.
…The lesson here -- these culture warriors will not stop until the courts decide that LGBT Americans are entitled to all civil rights that heterosexuals take for granted. It will be one battle after another. That is why the far right's obsession with judicial appointments at all levels is such a priority -- to slow the turning tide of social change with legal roadblocks that are hard to undo.
I'm certain you'll be positively gobsmacked to hear that Monsieur Maverique has not condemned this opportunistic bit of election-year hatemongering. And why would he? Last time around, his position was: "I believe that the institution of marriage should be reserved for the union of one man and one woman… The Protect Marriage Arizona Amendment would allow the people of Arizona to decide on the definition of marriage in our state. I wholeheartedly support the Protect Marriage Arizona Amendment and I hope that the voters in Arizona choose to support it as well."McCain opposed the Federal Marriage Amendment, but, make no mistake, it was only because he thought it ran counter to conservative principles (i.e. federalism), not because he's LGBTQ-friendly. The presumptive GOP nominee for president would like to assure you that he hates teh gayz as good as anyone, dammit, and will exploit others' hatred for them whenever it comes politically expedient!
And, given that he needs to shore up his credentials with social conservatives, believe me, it will.
Question of The Day
What's your favorite board game?
For us, it is either Trivial Pursuits or Scrabble.
Teenz Korner: Young 'Publicans!!!
[If you missed Part One of Teenz Korner, Dem Younginz, check it out here!]
Hey all you Shakers out there in Cyber Space! It's Kenny Blogginz again, Senior Shakesville Teen Expert and 18-year-old Man-Boy of Leisure, and I'm bloggin' out another steaming hot article about my politically active peers! Now everyone knows it's genuine science that for every teen Democrat, there's at least 1/2 of a teen Republican out there. So I decided to take a page out of Fox News's book and represent the Teen Republican side of things; I've heard you have to be "fair and balanced" if you want to make it in the cut-throat world of modern cyber-journalism. I decided to "take it to the streets" and interview some of these Pre-publicansTM.
I figured that the best place to start my Spirit Journey was at a local Christian Youth Group named "Teen Worship 2 Tha Maxxx," which operated out of The Church of God is Jesus of Hope/Prophets and Family-Eagles. As I opened the door, I was accosted by blaring Hope-Jams and eardrum-shattering Lord-Metal. The Youth Ministry Leader was giving a Youth Sermon to the Youths. His name was Will, he was 28, and he wore a denim jacket and sported a luscious rat tail that crept split-endingly down his back. He was heavy into the flow of a Hope Speech when I entered, with one of his Doc Martin boot-clad feet on a metal folding chair, accompanying his speech with air guitar moves. You could tell that the only reason Will even paid attention to the "status quo" was so that he could fuck the shit out of it.
When his sermon was over, I asked if I could interview one of the Pre-publicanTM members of the group, and there were many volunteers. The one who succeeded in gaining my favor through hand-raising enthusiasm was named Kevin.
KenBlog: Kevin, well met. My name's Kenny Blogginz, and I just wanted to interview you about your preferred political party. What made you want to be a Republican in the first place?
Kevbot: A lot of things, really. My faith in Jesus Christ is a huge part of my life, and I want to vote for a presidential candidate who's going to protect people of the Christian MinorityTM like me.
KenBlog: The Christian MinorityTM?
Kevbot: Of course! Will is always telling us new stories about how Christians just like me—and hopefully you!—are being persecuted for our beliefs all the time. Did you know that all gay people belong to something called the Gay Mafia? And that they're using this mafia to push their abominable agenda on hard working Americans? It's a terrible time to be a Christian in America.
KenBlog: You're a real Hero, Kevin. Just keep the flame alive, by bearing silent witness to the atrocities committed against Christiankind all around you. Vote for Heroes, and maybe someday, your children will have the right to Pray in Public School. And then school shootings will end once and for all.
Kevbot: Exactly! America will truly be a beautiful land once a Christian is elected president. This liberal Supreme Court has been running America with their road warriors for far too long. Well, I'm sorry, but I have to scram. My little sister's getting baptized in an hour, and I have to go iron my polo shirt.
KenBlog: Well, thank you for the interview, and by the way, you're a fucking chode and I hate your face.
While Kevbot and company began to pray for me and my dirty, dirty soul, I sped away on my bike, and my mind raced through different possibilities of where to meet my next interviewee. Suddenly I noticed the "Indiana Teens United Against Terrorism" building, and I skidded to a stop. Surely I'd find willing Pre-publicansTM to interview here.
As I entered, a young man was giving a Power Point Presentation entitled "These People Stopped Worrying About Anthrax...AND LOOK WHAT HAPPENED TO THEM!" It was a slide show of violently dismembered human bodies. When the lights came on and people started noticing me, there was much gun-drawing and knuckle cracking. But it didn't take long for the fluorescent lights to illuminate my pearly white Cyber Journalist's SkinTM. I've spent years working on this nega-tan.
I was able to interview an 18 year old Republican named Brian.
KenBlog: I'm squeezing out a piece on Young Republicans. The last Patriot I interviewed was a True Christian. What's your excuse for voting Republican? What kind of Hero-in-ChiefTM are you looking for?
Brian: I'm looking for a candidate who can keep us safe from terrorism. All I want is a little more racial profiling! Is that so much to ask?
KenBlog: I think a lot of people feel that racial profiling is a little racist.
Brian: Hey, if treating brown people terribly will keep violence out of our churches, then I'm all for it.
KenBlog: How do you feel about President Bush?
Brian: He's doing a kickass job, dude. I'm going to hate to seem him go. He's this close to defeating terror; I can just feel it! [Brian holds his thumb and forefinger tantalizingly close.]
KenBlog: Who do you plan on voting for in the upcoming prez election?
Brian: Well, if by some off chance President Bush doesn't amend the constitution and make himself Ultra-Eternity President, I think John McCain looks like an at least mediocre replacement.
KenBlog: How much longer do you think the Global War on Terra should continue?
Brian: Heck, I don't know...ten thousand years? At least long enough until practical lasers are created.
KenBlog: This has been a fine interview. You should be proud of yourself.
Brian: Stay safe, Kenny. I recommend wrapping garbage bags and duct tape all around the outside of your house!
KenBlog: Don't worry, I live in a bomb shelter.
As I wheely-ed away from the ITUAT building, a profound thought struck me right in the gut: I hadn't interviewed any SHE-publicansTM yet! The only place to go was back to the Youth Group from before...but the place was swarming with police officers, who had been called after the church realized it had been infiltrated by a Liberal Terrorist. I pasted a fake mustache on my lip, turned my shirt inside out, and introduced myself to the Youth Groupians as Kenneth Webbe-Blogginz in an exaggerated Cockney accent.
Nobody caught on to my ruse. I approached a She-publicanTM named Brittany.
KenBlog: 'Allo, govnah! I've been chimney-sweepin' all across town talking to Young Republicans and nearly choked on me fish and chips when I realized that I hadn't interviewed a bird yet! Tell me a bit about thyself, young lassie!
Brittany: Hi, Kenneth, was it? My name is Brittany and I'm a young Republican.
KenBlog: Why don't you tell me a wee bit about why you chose to be a Republican?
Brittany: I don't know, why don't I?
[We laugh for 5 minutes, 37 seconds.]
Brittany: Seriously, though, I'm totally into Jesus. I'm heavy into the Jesus Scene. I'm all about Jesus. Sometimes I write fan-fic about Jesus. Anyway, the point is that I side with the GOP because they tend to have Christian candidates.
KenBlog: Those Democrats have Christian candidates too, I heard.
Brittany: Well, yeah, but they're just not Christian...hard enough. I need a president who's going to honor my abstinence pledge. I need a Hero-in-Chief who's going to imprison non-Christians.
KenBlog: Strong words. Would you mind elaborating on the abstinence pledge subject?
Brittany: Not at all! Basically, my dad [she points to an enormous heap of anger and polo shirt across the room] and I got together and promised each other that I wouldn't have sex until I got married. Or kiss boys. Or look at pornography.
KenBlog: Promised each other?
Brittany: Yeah, I promised my dad I wouldn't have sex until marriage, and he promised me that if I did, he would disown/excommunicate me from the town/church.
KenBlog: [still shouting in the exaggerated cockney accent, please keep in mind] I see. Just between you and me, abstinence pledges only cover traditional, godly sex. Not sodomy.
Brittany: I'll keep that in mind.
KenBlog: You can take that one to the bank.
Brittany: I think I'll just keep it under my hat.
KenBlog: As long as you don't put it in your pipe and smoke it!
As we were laughing our troubles away, my fake moustache slid off my upper lip, and Kevin, who was still there talking to police, instantly recognized me. I grabbed my cassette recorder and knocked over my chair behind me, effectively tripping up the police long enough for me to make my escape.
I moseyed on down to the geometric center of my small town, the obvious location for the Super Wal-Mart. The entire store was assembled in Indonesia and dropped by an enormous helicopter right on top of a small neighborhood of blind Vietnam Veterans. No joke. You can't write stuff like that. In the parking lot, I met Assistant Shopping Cart Manager Kyle Jenkinson, who for legal purposes will be referred to as Ru Paul. Also, the Wal Mart/Exxon Corporation would like to state that Ru Paul's opinions are his own, and are in no way representative of the views of Wal Mart/Exxon.
KenBlog: Hi, Ru Paul, you may have heard of me, I'm famous internet personality Kenny Blogginz, PhD. I'm on the run from the police right now. Wanna talk about politics?
Ru Paul: Sure, if we can talk while I wrangle up these FUCKING carts!
KenBlog: Totally, no problem. So tell me a bit about yourself, Ru Paul. Which way do you swing, when it comes to Politics? The Pole (Republican) or The Hole (Democrat)?
Ru Paul: I'm gonna have to go with the pole in that scenario, although I would like to state that I am in no way endorsing the Homosexual lifestyle choice.
KenBlog: America is dying to know: Why?
Ru Paul: Well, I come from a modest background, I've been working at this Ultra Wal Mart [it had been upgraded as we introduced ourselves] for five years, alongside my father, and my father's father, and his father too. My proud bloodline can be traced all the way back to Azriel the Proud, who was actually present at the Creation of this Eden of Low PricesTMX2 and was unfortunately forced into Shopping Cart servitude. My father always tells me about the Democratic candidates around the campfire at night, about how they'll raise the taxes so high that we'll be evicted from the Wal-Mart Camping aisle. We can't afford to be hurt any more by this recession.
KenBlog: Have you done any research on the issue? I'm almost positive that the recession will itself recede if the next president is a Democrat...
Ru Paul: Oh, my father told me that people like you would say things like that, and he warned me that you're wrong.
KenBlog: That's Ultra Ridiculous.
Ru Paul: He said you'd say that too.
KenBlog: Well, now you're just weirding me out.
Just then, Ru Paul's father walked up to me, and handed me an already written copy of this very article...including this part. Disturbing stuff, Shakers, disturbing stuff.
By Paul "Ru Paul Sr." Jenkinson
Supercalifragilistic fubardemocratus...
Crossposted from AngryBlackBitch.com.
All of the weekend political chat shows were discussing super delegates and how they may or may not play a decisive role in the selection of the Democratic nominee for President of the United States.
A bitch has a few questions too (wink).
Shall we?
ABB’s knee jerk instant straight to the brain question about super delegates…
Who the fuck came up with this shit?
ABB’s somewhat calmer but still offended on the 'ain’t this shit supposed to be about the masses tip' question about super delegates…
Didn’t anyone in the room…anyone…raise a question about elitism? Shit. Now you’ve got everyone and their pundit talking about how the party elite are going to help out the ig’nant masses by showing them the error of their ways!
ABB’s final realization about super delegates…
Whoever came up with this shit needs several hours of intense interaction with my Merciless Rod of Correction.
The thing is, most Americans don’t vote on a regular basis and most voters who express a party affiliation aren’t actually active in that party’s inner working day to day political bullshit. As a result, most folks woke up to the existence of super delegates the day after Super Tuesday when it became apparent that super delegates may actually play a key role in this selection-based shit.
Cough.
Here’s my problem with super delegates – they are what they are.
Blink.
Mmmmhmmm, that’s my core concern.
Super delegates are made up of party insiders...Congress people, governors, other elected folks and political activists. Any political junkie will tell you that the demographic represented by super delegates doesn’t reflect the demographic of those currently voting on the Democratic side of primary ballots.
Sorry, it just doesn’t…anymore than Congress represents the socio-economic background of most Americans or party activists represent the majority values of most Democrats and certainly not the Independents needed to win in November.
Whew.
Hell, I’m an activist and my kind of activist didn’t get the nod to become a super delegate.
There’s hope for us all if the voters actually vote in a nominee before the convention, but woe is unto the Democratic Party if the so-called party elite get the green light to over-rule the will of the voters.
Mercy.
Quote of the Day
"I've recently been getting frustrated. … I mean the number of roles for strippers or prostitutes—or the opposite—which, is like, 'She's the moral center of the film! She's the pure one. She's the one that makes the man realize who he should be', you know? That sort of dichotomy exists so strongly, it's like the virgin/whore thing evident to the greatest extent. So that's really been bothering me. Sort of finding a character who is complicated, like the women in this film, is very, very exciting. Also, I love comedies so much, but any kind of comedy the girl's like 'in fashion' or she's really into clothes, or like, she just wants to get married. Those are not values that I care to jump on the bandwagon of."—Natalie Portman, on the paucity of great roles for women, giving me one more reason to love her.
Hillary Sexism Watch
With an influx of new readers looking for coverage of the campaign that includes calling out incidents of misogynistic attacks on Hillary, I thought it might be useful to do a quick round-up of previous posts on the subject. I figured there would be twenty or so...
Parts One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, Eleven, Twelve, Thirteen, Fourteen, Fifteen, Sixteen, Seventeen, Eighteen, Nineteen, Twenty, Twenty-One, Twenty-Two, Twenty-Three, Twenty-Four, Twenty-Five, Twenty-Six, Twenty-Seven, Twenty-Eight, Twenty-Nine, Thirty, Thirty-One, Thirty-Two, Thirty-Three, Thirty-Four, Thirty-Five, Thirty-Six, Thirty-Seven, Thirty-Eight, Thirty-Nine, Forty, Forty-One, Forty-Two, Forty-Three, Forty-Four, Forty-Five, Forty-Six, Forty-Seven, Forty-Eight, Forty-Nine, Fifty, Fifty-One, Fifty-Two, Fifty-Three, Fifty-Four, Fifty-Five, Fifty-Six, Fifty-Seven, Fifty-Eight, Fifty-Nine, Sixty, Sixty-One, Sixty-Two.
Um, yeah.
By way of perspective, this series only started last September. That's sixty-two posts in less than six months, some of which contain multiple examples, and I left out a bunch of posts that were only about "vagina voting" for female candidates generally, even though the articles they address were obviously about Hillary.
Naturally, we don't even blog everything that's out there, either. I've got more waiting in my inbox as I write this post.
My Beloved Revolutionary Sweetheart
In today's weird celebrity news, Patty Hearst (yes, that Patty Hearst) and her French bulldog win at the Westminster Dog Show. Good for you, Patty!
(H/T to my scrabulous pal Lena.)
