In this, my second National Bible Week installment, I just want to assure everyone here that I was raised right.
In the course of my right-raising, and in spite of my subsequent fall from Xtian grace (by virtue of the fact that I adore someone of the same gender and want to make love with her frequently), I have still adopted a few Bible verses that I think are wonderful. So today's entry is one of my favorites: The Twenty-Third Psalm.
1 Ceiling Cat iz mai sheprd (which is funni if u knowz teh joek about herdin catz LOL.) He givz me evrithin I need.
2 He letz me sleeps in teh sunni spot an haz liek nice waterz r ovar thar.
3 He makez mai soul happi an maeks sure I go teh riet wai for him. Liek thru teh cat flap insted of out teh opin windo LOL.
4 I iz in teh valli of dogz, fearin no pooch, bcz Ceiling Cat iz besied me rubbin' mah ears, an it maek me so kumfy.
5 He letz me sit at teh taebl evn when peepl who duzint liek me iz watchn. He givz me a flea baff an so much gooshy fud it runz out of mai bowl LOL.
6 Niec things an luck wil chase me evrydai an I wil liv in teh Ceiling Cats houz forevr.
(The LOLcatz version is an improvement, as far as I'm concerned -- that whole "rod and staff" thing kind of ooked me out when I was a kid.)
In response to my kick-off post for this series, a commenter mentioned my "obvious distain[sic] for the book", and couldn't "wait for a similar translation of the Koran".
Personally, I'd be all for a Lolcatz translation of the Koran -- and we could have a National Koran Week, where legislators read from the Koran on the floor of the House and Senate and have those readings entered into the Congressional Record, and the President of the United States gives an annual message from the White House on the Koran.
But that would mean . . . . you know, like . . . . . that would mean, like . . . . . we'd be living in a Theocracy? Oh . . . . .
A school in Orlando is suing a parent for writing nasty things about it on her blog.
A private school claims the mother of a former student crossed the line in a critical Internet blog she wrote about her daughter's experiences there.
So the New School of Orlando sued Sonjia McSween to stop her from publishing and talking about the school and force her to pay damages.
Some say it's a case of censorship. Others say First Amendment rights have nothing to do with it.
"Lots of people, private and public, can have thin skins," said Rebecca Jeschke, spokeswoman for the Electronic Frontier Foundation, which advocates digital free-speech rights and maintains a legal guide for bloggers. "People need to get used to this new world where everyone has a soapbox and can use it."
McSween says she created the blog to warn parents about what happened when her now 7-year-old daughter Logan attended kindergarten at the school.
The lawsuit, filed in October, says McSween posted "false and otherwise libelous remarks" alleging that students were belittled, exposed to "extreme stress" and "dictatorial conditions." Among other things, she also alleged that the school told parents how to run their homes and threatened them for speaking negatively about the 120-student school.
The kindergarten-through-eighth grade school alleges that McSween deliberately told unflattering lies, causing enrollment to drop. It alleges defamation, libel, slander and interference with business relations.
"When I created this website, I did not do it with malice," said McSween, a 28-year-old single mother who plans to meet with an attorney soon. "I created it with disappointment about my experience."
I'll be interested in seeing how this suit turns out. Freedom of speech also includes being responsible for what you say, and you never know who's reading your blog.
It's also another reason why I never write about my job.
By the way, I really love my job and the people I work with.
PS: A commenter over at BBWW asked if I had a link to Ms. McSween's blog. I googled her when I was writing the post this morning and checked the usual places, but came up empty. If anyone out there can locate it, let me know and I'll link it here...assuming it's still up and running.
Carol, who asked that her last name not be used for fear of making herself or her land a target for vandals, called for help recently when she arrived at some vacant property she owns in east Austin and found her security chain gone.
She grabbed her new Casio G’zOne phone from Verizon Wireless, which to her horror made an audible alarm when she called 911.
…The alarm is not ear-splitting, but it is loud enough to be heard at least several yards away.
Yes, the Amazing Geniuses at Verizon decided it would be a good idea to have all their phones emit an alarm during a 911 call. Because what you want when you're trying to escape from a maniac or make a Good Samaritan call about an assault or call about a possible robbery still in process is something that will not only identify that you're calling the cops, but also convey your exact location.
A million women are stalked annually in the US; 59% of female victims were stalked by an intimate partner; and 81% of women who were stalked by a current/former intimate partner are physically assaulted. That means about 480,000 women a year in the US have reason to call 911 just due to stalking alone. Think any of them have Verizon phones?
Verizon defends the alarm by claiming it's required by the Federal Communications Commission, which the FCC says (surprise) is incorrect.
[T]he FCC said Section 255 of the Telecommunications Code requires that phones let a caller know a 911 call is underway, but does not require an audible alarm. "The Commission has not implemented any rules pursuant to Section 255 that would require the use of any tones concerning 911 calls," a spokesman said.
Huh. But Verizon assures you that the alarm is a useful and wonderful feature.
The tone, indicating that 911 has been dialed, is one of several features designed to make wireless service is accessible and easy to use, especially for those with disabilities.
Yes, what really would have helped out Susy Hendrix is a phone that emitted an alarm when help is called. Yeesh.
Verizon says it hasn't gotten any complaints about the 911 alarm on its new phones, but I imagine that's probably only because people haven't discovered its existence yet. Or perhaps because the people who have are dead.
In his recent op-ed, Friedman suggests that if Obama wins the nomination he should consider having Cheney, or a Cheney-like psycho, for vice-president to deal effectively with Iran.
And that brings me back to the Obama-Cheney ticket: When it comes to how best to deal with Iran, each has half a policy — but if you actually put them together, they’d add up to an ideal U.S. strategy for Iran. Dare I say, they complete each other.
You should really sit down for this next bit. Tom's ideal strategy for Iran is basically a police drama. Good cop/bad cop. Dragnet.
If she were taking advantage of Mr. Cheney’s madness, Secretary Rice would be going to Tehran and saying to the Iranians: “Look, I’m ready to cut a deal with you guys, but I have to tell you, back home, I’ve got Cheney on my back and he is truly craaaaazzzzy. You guys don’t know the half of it. He thinks waterboarding is what you do with your grandchildren at the pool on Sunday. I’m not sure how much longer I can restrain him. So maybe we should have a serious nuke talk, and, if it goes well, we’ll back off regime change.”
Instead, we just have Mr. Cheney being Mr. Cheney, but the Bush team neither carrying out his threats nor leveraging them to drive meaningful diplomacy with Tehran. There’s no good cop, it’s just a bad cop/bad cop routine — a big reason our Iran policy has been a failure. It has not stopped the Iranian nuclear program or changed the regime.
In case you haven't noticed, Tom, the country is basically sick of anything remotely associated with this administration. That would include one Dick Cheney. None of the candidates should be channeling anything from the lot of them, if they have any hopes of winning the election.
Even though Congress tried to steal my thunder by celebrating National Bible Week two weeks early (rass'n'frass'n early celebrants), I will not be denied my right to join in the festivities toutin' -- Teh Best-Sellin' Tome of All Time[tm]!
Since the National Bible Associations says that, even if you aren't a Christian, "Everyone else ought to read the Bible to better understand art and literature," I thought I'd run a daily entry in honor of NBW to help all you culturally-deprived non-bible readers.
However, I've stumbled on another thorny issue (there are so many these days!) -- Which version of the Bible should I use?
Since the National Bible Association doesn't endorse any particular version, and there are so many of them (over 450 English translations alone), I thought I'd go for a version that was likely to resonate with my readers, and start right at the beginning!
Genesis 1: Boreded Ceiling Cat makinkgz Urf n stuffs
(Side by side with KJV for the lolcat-impaired)
LOLCATS Version
KING JAMES Version
1 Oh hai. In teh beginnin Ceiling Cat maded teh skiez An da Urfs, but he did not eated dem.
1In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.
2 Da Urfs no had shapez An haded dark face, An Ceiling Cat rode invisible bike over teh waterz.
2And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters.
3 At start, no has lyte. An Ceiling Cat sayz, i can haz lite? An lite wuz.
3And God said, Let there be light: and there was light.
4 An Ceiling Cat sawed teh lite, to seez stuffs, An splitted teh lite from dark but taht wuz ok cuz kittehs can see in teh dark An not tripz over nethin.
4And God saw the light, that it was good: and God divided the light from the darkness.
5 An Ceiling Cat sayed light Day An dark no Day. It were FURST!!!1
5And God called the light Day, and the darkness he called Night. And the evening and the morning were the first day.
6 An Ceiling Cat sayed, im in ur waterz makin a ceiling. But he no yet make a ur. An he maded a hole in teh Ceiling.
6And God said, Let there be a firmament in the midst of the waters, and let it divide the waters from the waters.
7 An Ceiling Cat doed the skiez with waterz down An waterz up. It happen.
7And God made the firmament, and divided the waters which were under the firmament from the waters which were above the firmament: and it was so.
8 An Ceiling Cat sayed, i can has teh firmmint wich iz funny bibel naim 4 ceiling, so wuz teh twoth day.
8And God called the firmament Heaven. And the evening and the morning were the second day.
9 An Ceiling Cat gotted all teh waterz in ur base, An Ceiling Cat hadz dry placez cuz kittehs DO NOT WANT get wet.
9And God said, Let the waters under the heaven be gathered together unto one place, and let the dry land appear: and it was so.
10 An Ceiling Cat called no waterz urths and waters oscunz. Iz good.
10And God called the dry land Earth; and the gathering together of the waters called he Seas: and God saw that it was good.
Every day this week, I'll be bringing you a little Bible verse (and some commentary), so that you, too, can begin to understand art and literature.
If you're feeling extra-enthused about NBW, why not pitch in and help by translating a few verses? Go forth andgiv kittehs sum hlp plz.
That is, Adrian Brody if he'd undergone a rhinoplasty to "improve" his famously "imperfect" nose. Luckily, he hasn't in real life. Only in a little experiment at Radar (via MK), in which various celebrities' "flaws" are "fixed" by digital plastic surgery.
It's an interesting complement to the Impossibly Beautiful series, in which I routinely comment that the digitial enhancements inevitably remove all character from a face.
The well-known real-life version of this is, of course, the adorable Jennifer Grey, iconically Jeanie Bueller and Baby Houseman, who went under the knife to have her nose reshaped, only to be rendered unrecognizable, effectively ending her career. Or, at least, forever altering its trajectory, despite her truly brilliant turn as herself on the short-lived "It's Like, You Know..." Grey has described it as going into the operating room as a celebrity and coming out in the witness protection program, because no one recognized her.
Tragic, sometimes, the things we do to ourselves in pursuit of "perfection."
Especially, when so-called perfection is not even necessarily an improvement. I adore Adrian Brody's face as it is. The faux "after" shot, however, which looks vaguely like the bastard child of Scott Baio and Oscar de la Hoya (minus the fishnets), doesn't do a damn thing for me. Not because it's not a handsome face, but because it's not particularly interesting, and I'm a sucker for an interesting face.
Via Recon, who hilariously describes the video thusly:
I'll level with you. This video from after school special "Ace Hits The Big Time" is quite possibly the worst thing I've ever seen. In it we find Ace (played by that kid from Mr. Belvedere) looking out the window to see that notorious suburban gang the Falcons are outside waiting to teach him a lesson. Ace is afraid of the Falcons, a gang as famous for their cruelty as they are for their devotion to colorful choreography. They are truly terrifying in ways that an actual gang filled with murderers and criminal toughs could never be.
...This video is also a powerful commentary on the sociology of the innocent bystander effect. Notice Ace's neighbors who watch him get a flamboyant pummeling and do absolutely nothing. What a cruel world.
This made me very excited: Tim Burton is set to direct a new film adaption of Alice in Wonderland.
This made me less excited: It's in 3-D.
Given my world-renowned geekery, 3-D seems like something I should enjoy. And, actually, I did. When I was like 11. But now I just want to watch a film in peace without having to look for blinking icons exhorting me to don ill-fitting plastic glasses which certainly haven't been washed since some other random doofus, who may or may not wash carefully behind his or her ears, wore them.
Then again, maybe it will be like the last Harry Potter film, and there will be two versions, in which case, never mind.
The White House announced today that President Bush will host and congratulate Nobel Prize winners from the U.S. on that date.
No doubt that Bush is looking forward to meeting Leonid Hurwicz, Eric S. Maskin and Roger B. Myerson, who won the 2007 prize for economics. Two of the three medicine prize winners are also U.S. citizens.
But an inconvenient truth is that most of the public's attention will be paid to Al Gore, the former vice president who shared the Peace Prize with a group of scientists working under the auspices of the United Nations for research into global climate change.
Gore should send back the invitation with "NO THANKS, DOUCHEBAG!" scrawled on it, accompanied by a picture of him flipping a double-barreled bird.
Gore, however, is a gentleman, so he'll probably graciously accept. At the very least, he should be prepared to respond, when Bush inevitably sneers, "Looks like yeh finally made it to the White House, heh heh," with: "I would have been here sooner, if you hadn't accepted the invitation sent to me by a majority of the American people."
[From the Santa Barbara Film Festival last night, at which John Travolta was awarded with the Kirk Douglas Award for Excellence in Film. (For what?!) Via Michael K.]
Can someone please tell them, though, that making this sort of announcement on a Friday afternoon is not the way to capture a news cycle? Jebus.
Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nev.) has decided to keep the chamber in session over the Thanksgiving break to block President Bush from making any unsavory recess appointments while Senators are out of town.
In a statement inserted in the record Friday, the Majority Leader said he will hold the Senate in a series of pro forma or nonvoting sessions to prevent the controversial practice.
…"With the Thanksgiving break looming, the administration informed me that they would make several recess appointments," Reid said. "I indicated I would be willing to confirm various appointments if the administration would agree to move on Democratic appointments.
"They would not make that commitment."
Of course they wouldn't. You shouldn't even be trying to strike bargains with these assmonkeys, anyway. Let the entire government come to a standstill—who fucking cares? It's not like they're doing anything for the American people, anyway. Wev.
Shaker LiteraryCritic passed on this advert for Fernet Stock, which is an herbal bitters made in Plzeň-Božkov, Czech Republic, proving once again that nothing sells beer better than misogyny, all over the world! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Not that you really need to know what's being said, but the translation is basically the woman complaining about stuff, followed by the deflation, then a voiceover with a play on words about blowing off your wife to have a beer with the lads.
Two tons of "Ron Paul Liberty Dollars" have been seized in a federal bust in Indiana:
Federal agents raided the headquarters of a group that produces illegal currency and puts it in circulation, seizing gold, silver and two tons of copper coins featuring Republican presidential candidate Ron Paul.
Agents also took records, computers and froze the bank accounts at the "Liberty Dollar" headquarters during the Thursday raid, Bernard von NotHaus, founder of the National Organization for the Repeal of the Federal Reserve Act & Internal Revenue Code, said in a posting on the group's website.
The organization, which is critical of the Federal Reserve, has repeatedly clashed with the federal government, which contends that the gold, silver and copper coins it produces are illegal. NORFED claims its Liberty Dollars are inflation free and can restore stability to financial markets by allowing commerce based on a currency that does not fluctuate in value like the U.S. dollar.
"They're running scared right now and they had to do something," von NotHaus told The Associated Press Friday. "I'm volunteering to meet the agents and get arrested so we can thrash this out in court."
Uh huh. I'm sure the Federal Reserve is just totally shitting their pants in fear. Whatever will they do?!
The U.S. Mint issued a warning this year that the Liberty Dollar violated the Constitution and warned consumers against using them unsuspectingly.
Oh.
Ron Paul's campaign spokesman said they "were aware they existed, but we didn't have any affiliation with them. He didn't ask our permission to make them." But they evidently didn't care that unlicensed, illegal currency bearing the candidate's image and name was being sold by a website explaining to buyers how to use them illegally—or didn't care enough to request the company cease and desist. Huh. Okay.
FYI: Ron Paul Liberty Dollars are legal currency in Shakesville. They can be used to buy a fucking clue from many of our fine retailers.
"I will explain the need to reform a confirmation process that is making it more difficult to persuade decent and intelligence people to accept the call to public service."—President Bush, last night, at the Federalist Society's 25th Annual Gala. Says Holden, "He's not very intelligence."
Neither did I—until I saw the front page of MSN this morning (after being directed there by Spudsy), where I was greeted by this image:
Naturally, I clicked through to the article to find out more about Obama's despicable lawbreaking, where I was then greeted by this image:
ZOMG! Obama's not just a lawbreaking criminal, but a mincing, flag-desecrating minstrel!
After this revelation, I could hardly bring myself to read about the heinous wave of crime perpetrated by a man who purports to be an upstanding American citizen, but I bravely plowed on:
Some conservative bloggers are furious about a photo showing Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama without his hand on his heart during the playing of "The Star-Spangled Banner." Obama has countered that the photo was taken during the national anthem, not the Pledge of Allegiance—so he didn't have to. Is that true?
No. According to U.S. law, a civilian like Obama is supposed to stand up when the anthem is played, take off his hat, face the flag, and put his right hand over his heart.
Then there was a bunch of stuff about from whence these laws came—stuff that alluded to the wildly disproportionate levels of symbolic patriotism expressed during a time of war, leading to laws being passed that are unenforceable because they are technically unconstitutional.
But I just glanced right past that stuff and tried even harder to ignore the conclusion, which itself seemed to contradict the idea that Obama's patriotism is for shit:
So, does this mean that it's against the law to sit down for "The Star-Spangled Banner" at a baseball game? Technically, but you won't get in trouble. Though the procedure for listening to the national anthem is spelled out in the U.S. Code, you can't be punished for breaking the rules. That would likely be considered a violation of the First Amendment.
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