"There's no crime you can prevent completely, but it is impossible, Glenn—and believe me, I've tried—to touch an 11-year-old kid sexually and not commit a crime. This is criminal behavior."— Michael Graham, former GOP consultant, on the Glenn Beck Show.
The only explanation I can come up with is that Mr. Graham had a FIRE that rose up in him that he didn't know how to CONTAIN, and everybody KNOWS when the sexual arousal reaches a certain point, the person goes INSANE! He is a graduate of Oral Roberts University. (Really.)
[H/T Chris Achorn, via Atrios.]
Zuh?
Hot for Teacher
Although my true obsession—as everyone is by now so sufficiently well aware, that I am being roundly mocked for it, much to my eternal amusement—is Mozza, the other half of the fraught alliance around which The Smiths were built, Johnny Marr, has a special place in my heart, too. So I was delighted when Shakers Vicster and Radical Centrist forwarded me this article about the maestro of Obsession Minor:
Johnny Marr, the co-founder and guitarist of 1980s icons The Smiths, is turning to academia as a visiting professor of music.How much would I give to be able to sit in on just one of his classes? If it's anything like this, they'll be great. I've never had the chance to meet Marr, although I'd love to have a wee chat with him one day.
Marr, whose distinctive guitar style propelled hits by The Smiths including "How Soon Is Now," "Panic" and "Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now," has been appointed to teach undergraduates at Salford University. The university in Manchester, northwest England, said Thursday that Marr would deliver a series of workshops and master classes to students in its popular music and recording course.
"Salford University is offering some fantastic opportunities to students in music," said Marr, 43. "It is an honor to be appointed as a professor and I'm excited at the prospect of being able to make a contribution."
For those really into Smithean trivia, the band has an interesting connection to Salford (which I'm slightly embarrassed and slightly pleased to admit I knew without the help of the AP): The sleeve of The Queen is Dead was shot in front of the Salford Lads' Club.
See?
I know, I know—shut up!
Trick or Treat
A little Halloween treat for everyone, courtesy of me. Enjoy!
Shakes insisted I post this, by the way.
LISTEN, DAMMIT!: Tokyo Police Club
One of the most exciting new bands out there right now - and one of my favorites - is Tokyo Police Club. This band sprang out of nowhere from the incredibly fertile Canadian indie music scene (think Arcade Fire, Broken Social Scene, Feist, Stars, Wolf Parade, etc.) and caused a great stir with their 2006 debut EP A Lesson in Crime. According to their website: "Clocking in at a mere 16 minutes, A Lesson in Crime hits like a tornado, from the thunderous drums of 'Cheer it On' to the cathartic screaming coda to 'La Ferrassie.' The EP is a relentless barrage of pummeling bass and drums, stabbing keyboards, and sheets of delayed guitar, peppered with furious handclaps and lively group vocals."
Continuing our recent robot theme, "Citizens of Tomorrow" is a song about a not-too-distant future in which humans are enslaved by robots:
TPC has been praised by Rolling Stone and NME. They have performed at music festivals such as Glastonbury, Coachella, and Lollapalooza (where I first saw them live). Their songs are short, tight cheerful punches to the gut. Their hooks are addictive. Their energy onstage is raw and electric and is always guranteed to put the audience in an exuberant mood. I got to experience them again on October 8 at Schuba's in Chicago - a tiny venue that feels like someone's basement. They ran through both of their EPs, couple of singles, and a few tracks from their album in progress and the set still lasted no more than 45 minutes. Somehow, though, it didn't feel like a cheat. Their brand of Joy Division meets Bloc Party meets The Strokes post-punk vibe somehow feels fresh and original - the perfect antidote to a lot of the drab copycats out there right now.
In July, the band signed to Saddle Creek, the home of indie stalwarts Bright Eyes, among others. Their first LP is due winter 2008. With the excitement they have already generated with relatively little output, and the enthusiasm of their growing fan base, I would wager to say that TPC have a promising future ahead of them.
This video for "Cheer it On" is a darkly comic episode of madness and mayhem featuring seemingly innocent miniature figurines!:
OMG BRAINZ
Quote of the Day
"Productivity was nice while it lasted: The Daily Show just launched its own proprietary website, complete with eight years of archived video. Umm...bye, everyone."—August
Dodd Ups the Ante
Amping up his efforts to block the Senate FISA bill containing retroactive immunity for the telecom companies, Senator Chris Dodd's campaign says that he will filibuster the measure if the Dem Senate leadership tries to circumvent the hold he plans to put on the bill.Right fucking on, Senator Dodd. We're with ya, dude.
The Dodd campaign will reveal his plans to filibuster the measure in an email being sent out to supporters by the campaign's Web guru, Tim Tagaris. Election Central obtained an advance copy of the email.
The threatened filibuster, which comes a day after Dodd revealed to Election Central that he will place a hold on the bill, will place Dodd in direct confrontation with the Dem Senate leadership on a hugely contentious issue.
UPDATE: Here's video of Dodd Drawing the Line on FISA:
"Everybody knows when the sexual arousal reaches a certain point, the person goes insane!"
In honor of the blossoming scandal currently gripping Oral Roberts University, which blooms more brightly every day, here's some vintage Oral Roberts (via Petulant) pontificating on the finer points of "Christian Copulation," in one of his many regularly-taped sermons. (You can get him reading the entire New Testament on eBay, for example, if you're interested!)
Some of the things you'll learn in this video are: that there is only place in our bodies that "create multiplication" (my vagina is so getting called "the abacus" from now on), that women not marrying men and putting out makes men gay, that barbed war is to a bull as a lack of consent is to a man, that anus is pronounced ah-noose (who knew Oral and Borat had no much in common?), that poop causes AIDS, and that, despite his inability to utter the word penis, Oral Roberts is evidently a pansexual freak.
Because I don't want my Shaker Deafies, or those who can't watch at work or wev, to miss a word of this brilliance, I transcribed the whole thing (below). Enjoy!
We men want to take a woman in our arms, and a girl wants to take a man in her arms, and, pretty soon, we want to take 'em to bed with us! Go on—go over there and touch it! Put your arms around her. Put your hand on her breast. See how far you can take your hand. See how far she'll let you go. Go ahead, girl—touch him at the most sensitive part of his body.
There is one place in the woman's body and one place in the man's body that creates multiplication. There're not two, there're not three, there're not four places, there're not ten places—there is one place, in the woman's vagina and the man's male organ. There's only one place in the woman's body where the male organ was designed to penetrate—the vagina!
Only one organ made to bring forth life—it's the male organ. It's not in lesbianism for the tongue of a female goes into the vagina of another female. It's not in the male where the male organ goes into the part of the, of the body where the, the waste matter comes out of the body, the poison, and he penetrates that part of the body in homosexuality. It's not to be put into the mouth of the man, or the mouth of the man or the woman on the male organ! It is the male organ penetrating the vagina of the woman—the male and the female!
He says look at the orifices of the body, the openings in the body. Certainly you can't put it, put the male organ or the tongue in the eye. Maybe touch the ear. Certainly not in the orifices of the nose, or the navel. But there are a couple of three other places. There's the mouth. There's the anus, where the poisons of the body are excreted, you can put it there. They didn't know how to handle it! There was a FIRE that rose up in them; they didn't know how to CONTAIN, and everybody KNOWS when the sexual arousal reaches a certain point, the person goes INSANE!
A bull after a cow in the heat, if he cannot reach the cow, and there's a barbed wire fence between them, will go through the barbed wire and cut himself to pieces in order to impregnate that cow! I, I, I's raised on a farm. I SAW it. Men and women go WILD—and then when it's perverted, and when it comes homosexuality, it's not only WILD, it is INSANE! And the heat becomes so intense, the sexual heat becomes so INTENSE, the male organ doesn't want the vagina of the woman, but to turn that person over and to enter into the rear where the poison comes out, and it keeps coming out until they develop AIDS with no immunity against disease, and they D-I-E, they die!
[exasperated sigh] God made the female breasts, young man—what's wrong with you handling it, fondling it? Oh, sure, you're married to this girl, you're married to this man, but awww, come on now, let's have a good time. Somebody go get a six pack. Bring in some bourbon. Uhhh, pick up the phone and send in a couple call girls. I go to church, too, but, uh, you know, it didn't make me queer. Well, I wouldn't buy that 100%. [aside] Um, please erase that from the tape, uh, I didn't—let's edit that out, will ya?
[clears throat] The only way you ever become one flesh is when the male organ penetrates the woman's vagina. The only place, the only organs that can come together in completeness is the male organ and the vagina of the woman and they become one—and if you interrupt that in any way, you become adulterous, or a fornicator, or a homosexual. And you introduce a foreign subject; you've adulterated. And if in your SEXUALITY you're outside of marriage with it, and you do anything with marriage outside of the male organ penetrating the vagina, you're outside creation.
Don't have to wait to get married to have intercourse. You don't have to have sexual relations only with your wife or your husband. You can go outside and you can get it all. You don't have to use only the male organ or the vagina of the woman; you can use your tongue, you can use other things, you can use other orifices of the body; you can pervert it—you can pervert EVERYTHING! Man, I got a quick fix. I can gitcha there NOW. I can satisfy you—I can set you, your impulses on FIRE. I can make your senses VIBRATE. I can let ya lay hands on everything that came in the world to get delivered to you now. Now, folks, that tastes good, that feels good; I can't tell ya how good that feels and how good that tastes…
Reid Ignoring Dodd's Hold?
As Bill mentioned in his post below, it "appears Harry Reid plans on sticking it to his own and going around Dodd's hold" of the Senate FISA bill, which he's trying to stop because it grants retroactive immunity to the telecoms for their role in the Bush administration's warrantless eavesdropping program. Democratic Senate Majority Leader Reid, however, according to Tim Starks of Congressional Quarterly via Spencer Ackerman, nonetheless plans to bring the Senate's bill up for floor debate next month despite the hold.
That just doesn't happen.
It just doesn't.
Jane Hamsher notes, by way of comparison: "Consider what happened when Chris Dodd introduced the Emmet Till cold case bill, which called for more money for unsolved civil rights crimes. Tom Coburn put a hold on the bill—and Reid just let it go. The bill died. Strange set of priorities you've got there, Senator Reid."
And strange loyalties. No, I'm not just talking about party loyalty, either—I'm talking about loyalty to lawbreaking telecoms versus loyalty to the Constitution.
Whatever defense there is from Senate Dems in support of the bill rests on pointing out that the bill is still being marked up behind closed doors, although I'm not sure WTF that's supposed to be worth, given that just yesterday the big story was that they'd "reached agreement with the Bush administration yesterday on the terms of new legislation to control the federal government's domestic surveillance program, which includes a highly controversial grant of legal immunity to telecommunications companies that have assisted the program, according to congressional sources"—you know, that whole thing that prompted Dodd's hold in the first place.
But, safe and late as usual, Obama's now come out against the bill, too. If fellow day-late-and-dollar-shorter Clinton also comes out against it, that will be three sitting Senators—all presidential candidates—departing from the Democratic Senate leadership's line on this bill.
I can't wait to hear Reid's explanation for why they're wrong and he's so right that it's worth ignoring a hold, against all precedent, to give the administration and the telecoms retroactive immunity for breaking the law and spying on American citizens.
All Together Now
The FCC is considering a plan to end a decades-old ban on local media monopolies.
The head of the Federal Communications Commission has circulated an ambitious plan to relax the decades-old media ownership rules, including repealing a rule that forbids a company to own both a newspaper and a television or radio station in the same city.This is yet another example that explodes the myth of the "liberal media." If there was some vast left-wing conspiracy to infiltrate the minds of the people in cities all over the country, it's highly unlikely that it would be done at the hands of executives of media conglomerates like Rupert Murdoch's News Corp, General Electric, Westinghouse, and the Walt Disney Company. These corporations are not known for their leftist leanings, and the idea that giving one company the reins over an unlimited number of media outlets is good for journalism -- or even local business -- is most assuredly not a liberal plot.
Kevin J. Martin, chairman of the commission, wants to repeal the rule in the next two months — a plan that, if successful, would be a big victory for some executives of media conglomerates.
[...]
The deregulatory proposal is likely to put the agency once again at the center of a debate between the media companies, which view the restrictions as anachronistic, and civil rights, labor, religious and other groups that maintain the government has let media conglomerates grow too large.
Large corporations pay lip service to what they consider "small town" values and priorities. It's no mistake that Wal-Mart now bills itself as "your neighborhood Wal-Mart" -- as long as your neighborhood is a sprawling industrial park of big-box stores, fast-food joints, and parking lots the size of Rhode Island. This is all bullshit and they know it; they're out to make a profit and don't really care about "your neighborhood." The same goes for the media mentality; they don't care about the local content as much as they care about getting the commercials out to as wide an audience as possible, and consolidating the newspapers, radio, TV and whatever else they come up with is just one more way of doing that. And they also know that traditionally it's been the Republicans who have supported the conglomerate mentality, often at the detriment of the independent media outlets.
Ironically, the GOP bills itself as the champions of small business and says it's protecting the "little guy" from the evils of big government...all the while selling out to the big corporations.
At any rate, if you'd like to contact the FCC and let them know your thoughts on this plan to grant media monopolies, drop them a note.
(H/T to Melissa and BlondeSense.)
Cross-posted from Bark Bark Woof Woof.
A Modest Proposal: The Thorny Issue of Sexual Consent
There's been a lot of discussion about what constitutes "consent" in terms of sexual encounters. Personally, I'm a strong proponent of just asking my sexual partner (even after we've been together for years) the simple question: "Do you want to have sex with me?"
Figuring out what to do after asking this question is a very easy If/Then statement:
IF Answer = "Yes", THEN *sex ensues*, ELSE *sex does not ensue*.
Now, when I've proposed this solution to rape-apologists some people, they have challenged my programming sequence with a very thorny "ElseIF" equation: "But what if she changes her mind in the middle of it and then accuses me of rape?" -- because according to these rape apologists people, this apparently happens all the time -- just every time you turn around, I guess (on some planet).
These rape apologists individuals also say that getting clear consent before gettin'-it-on is a "mood-killer", and one of them stated
"unless a woman is chanting "Yes' over and over for hours without interruption . . . . any woman can then claim withdrawal of consent."
And that's when it hit me -- my fool-proof solution to the thorny issue of "consent":
1) Get a clear "yes" from your partner before engaging in sex AND 2) BECOME A BETTER LOVER
See, I've never really thought of it as a problem if my lover was chanting (or screaming) YES! YES! YES! "over and over for hours without interruption" during sex. ("Don't Stop!" and "Keep doing whatever it is you're doing!" also do not disturb me in the slightest.)
In fact, this situation has been so common for me that I had simply assumed that it was par for the course.
You may be wondering: "But PortlyDyke -- How do I become a better lover?"
So here are PortlyDyke's Quick Tips for Better Consensual Sex:
1. ALWAYS get consent from the other person(s) involved before engaging in sex. Awkward as it may sound, I have found that most people who want to have sex with me actually enjoy being asked. (I still ask my partner of many years, and y'know what? -- it tickles her pink! -- no pun intended) Yes, this means that you may have to deal with the inconvenient fact that your prospective partner is too drunk/unconscious to either comprehend your question or answer you -- but in that case --DO NOT PROCEED. See? Isn't that simple?
2. If, at any time during the sexual engagement, your partner says "Stop", "No", "Don't" -- then stop, no, DON'T! If your partner resists you physically -- stop, no, don't. Immediately. DO NOT PROCEED. (There are some exceptions to this rule if you are engaging in consensual S/M, but if you're playing those games without talking it over first and employing "safe words", you deserve whatever fallout you get, AFAIC.)
3. Now here's where the "better lover" part comes in -- If, at any time, you perceive that your partner looks uncomfortable, apathetic, disinterested/disengaged about what's going on, stop and ask them questions like: "Are you enjoying this? Is there something else you want?", etc.. Then listen to their responses and take creative, consensual action on what you hear. I suppose that having apathetic, listless sex may be a turn-on for some people, but if you want to hear that resounding and enthusiastic consent (YES! YES! YES! over and over for hours without interruption), then continuing without enthusiastic response maybe isn't such a great strategy in terms of building your sexual mojo. Jus' sayin'.
(On a totally serious note -- if you are having sex with a stranger, and both of you aren't sober or conscious enough to at least have a coherent talk about STDs and birth control before you make the beast with two backs or commence with the muff-diving/sword-swallowing -- maybe you should consider exchanging phone numbers, going home alone, and having a nap. Seriously.)
[cross-posted]
LOL!
[Via. H/T Blogenfreude. FYI to my Shaker Deafies: There's no VO; it's just music. Oh, and wee snippets of the current candidates saying douchy things at the beginning.]
Question of the Day
What's your favorite film score?
I'm talking score here, not soundtrack. (So don't say The Big Chill, or I'll smack you!) I'm a huge fan of film music; usually when I write a review of a film, I'll be as likely to mention the score as I will any other aspect of the film. I'm a firm believer that in film, the music is as important as the performances, script or direction. The Soundtrack Collector website gives me heart palpitations.
As most people know, I'm an absolute sucker for anything Danny Elfman writes (so I won't cop out and say "The Nighmare Before Christmas! No, wait! Beetlejuice! No, wait! Pee-Wee's Big Adventure! No... Everything by Danny Elfman! Aiiieeeee!!"), but there are other films that stand out to me as well. I think the Mark Shaiman scores for the Addams Family films were absolutely perfect; humorous and true to the nature of the original material, and at the same time, gorgeous and beautifully orchestrated stand-alone music. However, I do have a special place in my heart for the soundtrack to Soapdish. When I heard the first few seconds of "Mambo Glamoroso" during the opening credits, I knew I'd be stopping at the record store as soon as I left the theater.
Plus, that movie ROCKS.
Celeste Talbert: David! David! David, David, David, David, David!And you?
David Barnes: Hey, great scene with Bolt.
Celeste Talbert: I realize I'm not a young woman; however...
David Barnes: What do you mean, you're not...
Celeste Talbert: ...could you PLEASE point out to our new costume designer, whose name I don't quite have yet...
Tawny Miller: Tawny Miller, Miss Talbert.
Celeste Talbert: How do you do.
[to David]
Celeste Talbert: - that I don't feel quite right in a turban. What I feel like is GLORIA FUCKING SWANSON! What am I, 70, David? Am I 70? Why don't you just put me in a walker? Buy a goddamn walker and put me in it!
David Barnes: [to Tawny] You're fired.
Tawny Miller: Oh God.
David Barnes: I'm just kidding.
[into PA system]
David Barnes: Attention: no turbans for Miss Talbert!
Probably Just More Research for Jebus
Youth minister charged with crossing state lines for sex with minor:
A 33-year-old former youth minister of an Alabaster church has been charged with crossing state lines to have sex with a minor.This item comes via Wonkette, where one of the commenters has noted that this stuff has become so predictable, it's like a giant Mad Lib (not unlike the Bush administration).
Donald Brent Page of Calera is accused of traveling to Memphis on Oct. 6 to meet who he thought was a 13-year-old girl for sex, according to an affidavit prepared by an investigator with the Memphis FBI Crimes Against Children Task Force.
Page was indicted by a federal grand jury in Memphis on Tuesday.
He is accused of making arrangements to meet the girl over the Internet. He resigned his job from Dogwood Grove Baptist Church immediately after his arrest, said Rev. Todd Burr, the church's pastor.
Look how easy to customize!
Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Dayum!
Let no one say that Democratic Representative from California Pete Stark didn't go down fighting on the SCHIP bill.
"The Republicans are worried that we can't pay for insuring an additional ten million children; they sure don't care about finding two hundred billion dollars to fight the illegal war in Iraq. Where you gonna get that money? You gonna tell us lies, like you’re telling us today? Is that how you're gonna fund the war? You don't have money to fund the war or children—but you're going to spend it to blow up innocent people if we can get enough kids to grow old enough for you to send to Iraq to get their heads blown off for the President's amusement."
[Via. H/T Blogenfreude.]
Dodd to the Rescue
KateContinued literally just said in comments that she wants to see our elected reps really and truly fight: "I don't want them to just vote for our best interests. I want these critters to throw their lives on the line. I want someone to die for us. This is not hyperbole. I want Pelosi, my rep—any of them—to risk his or her life, career, fortune, home, health or family. Put SOMETHING on the line. They won't even risk another congress critter's frown. Fuckers."
Well, it ain't exactly risking his life, but Dem presidential candidate, Senator Chris Dodd, is making a pretty admirable move here:
Dodd will send a letter to Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid this afternoon informing him of his decision [to put a hold on the Senate FISA renewal bill because it reportedly grants retroactive immunity to telephone companies for any role they played in the Bush administration's warrantless eavesdropping program].This is a challenge to the Democratic leadership, but it's also a direct challenge to George Bush. This is using his position as a senator to defend his country. This is leadership.
…By doing this, Dodd can effectively hold up the telecom immunity bill, because bills are supposed to have unanimous consent in the Senate before going forward. One Senator can make it very difficult to bring a bill to the floor by objecting to allowing it to go to a vote.
Dodd's planned action comes amid reports that the Senate Intelligence Committee has reached a deal with the White House on the legislation that would give telephone carriers legal immunity for whatever role they played in the National Security Agency’s domestic eavesdropping program, which was approved by President Bush after 9/11. The White House and the phone companies have been lobbying aggressively for immunity, and the announcement of the immunity deal today dismayed many opponents.
I know I can be a real jaded old crone at times, but even I don't think this is just a cynical attempt to pull some much-needed attention toward his struggling campaign. I quite genuinely believe that Chris Dodd is doing what he thinks is right.
The Military Commissions Act. Warrantless wiretapping. Shredding of Habeas Corpus. Torture. Extraordinary Rendition. Secret Prisons.Thank you, sir.
No more.
I have decided to place a "hold" on the latest FISA bill that would have included amnesty for telecommunications companies that enabled the President's assault on the Constitution by illegally providing personal information on their customers without judicial authorization.
I said that I would do everything I could to stop this bill from passing, and I have.
House Fails to Override SCHIP Veto
It's over: The House just voted on the SCHIP bill moments ago, and failed to override President Bush's veto.
The vote was 273-156, falling short of the two-thirds vote needed to overturn Bush's veto.
Incredibly, despite polls showing strong majority support for a veto override, and an aggressive ad campaign targeting Republicans on SCHIP, the GOP was remarkably successful in holding the line and sustaining Bush's veto. Only forty-four Republicans voted for the bill -- almost exactly the same as last time, save for GOP Rep. Pete King, a bill supporter who was absent this time. One-hundred and fifty-four GOPers voted against it.
The roll call is here.
They needed 289 votes to override the veto. If those 12 Dems had voted with the majority, they still would have been four votes short.
The roll call at which I was looking wasn't final or something, I guess. Two Dem nays—Jim Marshall (GA) and Gene Taylor (MS). Two not voting—Julia Carson (IN) and Eddie Bernice Johnson (TX).
Fire Department Wants to Charge Extra for Moving Fatties
Shaker Kevin brought this gem to my attention: Fire service may charge for shifting fat people.
The Lancashire (England) Fire and Rescue Service has experienced a "sharp rise" in the number of calls asking them to help other services move extremely obese people -- they've doubled in the past year! -- so they figure they ought to be getting some more money for the heavy lifting.
This means they got 8 calls like that in the last year, as opposed to 4 the previous year. My god! Soon, there will be more fat human beings in need of transportation than there will be kittens up trees!
Hey, you know what else is a majorly expensive pain in the ass that endangers the health of firefighters? Putting out fires. Just imagine all the time and resources firefighters would have available if they never had to do that. Why, they could even get other jobs entirely.
My suggestion? If the Lancashire Fire and Rescue Service is really bothered by this kind of work, they could always move to Gloucester, where the paramedics only joke about calling the fire brigade, while they watch fat people die in their homes. Way more convenient for everyone involved.
Well, almost everyone.
Fasten Your Seatbelts
Chilling: Bush at yesterday's press conference. AP photo by Ron Edmonds.
At the press conference yesterday in which Bush made his World War III comments, Bush also had this to say about the state of his presidency:
I've never felt more engaged and more capable of helping people recognize...that there's a lot of unfinished business. And I'm really looking forward to the next 15 months. I'm looking forward to getting some things done for the American people.Is there anything that makes your blood run colder than President George W. Bush threatening to take care of unfinished business and "get some things done" for you?
460 days to go.
