"If it were a product, you'd never buy it. That's why they're working so hard to sell it to you."
[Via Eric Hopp.]
The Surge
[Via Eric Hopp.]
Impossibly Beautiful
[Parts One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven…]
When I first glanced at the cover of October's W, I quite honestly couldn't tell who it was.
Can you tell?
Cate Blanchett?! Um, no.
I mean, just, no.
Aside from the fact that I just really did not recognize that face as Cate Blanchett's, despite her being in some of my favorite films, Cate Blanchett is 38 years old. The woman on the cover of that magazine is not.
Once again I marvel that a naturally beautiful, 38-year-old woman is not allowed to be a be a beautiful, 38-year-old woman on the cover a magazine ostensibly celebrating, uh, women. Yeesh.
[Via Jezebel.]
Nothing Warms the Cockles of My Hardened Heart Like Hot Monkeylove
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
Dove at first site:
It's a tale straight out of Disney – an abandoned baby monkey, close to death, is revived by the love of a bird.That's some adorable shit, bitchez.
The 12-week-old macaque was rescued on Neilingding Island, in Goangdong Province, China, after being abandoned by his mother. Taken to an animal hospital, he was weaned back to physical health but still showed little appetite for life. It was not until a fellow patient, a white pigeon, took him under her wing and showed him love and affection that he perked up.
Now the two are inseparable, say staff.
[H/T to Space Cowboy, who was evidently paralyzed by the overwhelming cuteness to post it himself. He's got one more hour in the fetal position and then I'm calling 911.]
Right On
In the clamor of Democrats assailing President Bush on Iraq, presidential candidate John Edwards has found a way to be heard after Bush addresses the nation Thursday night: He's buying time for a rebuttal.Bush obviously isn't the only person to whom Edwards hopes to send a message, either.
Edwards has bought two minutes of air time on MSNBC, scheduled to air after Bush's 15-minute televised speech from the White House at 9 p.m. EDT.
..."Unfortunately, the president is pressing on with the only strategy he's ever had — more time, more troops, and more war," Edwards says in the ad, according to excerpts provided by his campaign.
Edwards has been pushing Congress — including Sens. Hillary Rodham Clinton and Barack Obama, his top rivals — to block any war funding that does not include a withdrawal date from Iraq. That challenge was part of his ad, allowing him to pack in criticisms of the president and his primary opponents in one shot.Mmm. Firm.
"Tell Congress you know the truth," Edwards says. "They have the power to end this war and you expect them to use it. When the president asks for more money and more time, Congress needs to tell him he only gets one choice — a firm timeline for withdrawal."
How Odd!
Part whatevthefuck in an ongoing series…
Reuters continues to find the most splendidly quirky oddities in the exploitation of women's bodies, disproportionate distributions of parenting, and women who can most quickly make a better life for themselves and their families by getting knocked up.
"Hey, big boy! Any interest?" is about Nigerian banks using attractive women to persuade customers to open accounts, but the Senate president who wants the practice to stop isn't questioning the banks so much as wondering why it is "that all these girls are now moving around hustling as if they are looking for something other than money?"
"Revealing photos are becoming passé?" is about how we've come such a long way since 1984 when Vanessa Williams was forced to return her Miss America crown after nude photos of her surfaced. As evidence, Disney merely threatened to fire, but instead just publicly shamed (a story which itself was filed under Odd News), 18-year-old High School Musical star Vanessa Hudgens—a decision which I'm sure has nothing to do with the massive publicity the movie will get from her leaked nude pics. It's totally our changing cultural attitudes, not about the discovery that second-hand attention from public leaks of women's once-private nudity is a great moneymaker.
"Daddy exam quizzes men on potties, parenting" is about a test being offered by a non-profit parenting organization in Japan trying to get men interested in their own children by asking them searing questions about parenting like "Who played the father in the movie Kramer versus Kramer?"
"Skip work, make babies, governor says" is about the governor of a central Russian province who urged couples to skip work yesterday and fuck like bunnies to help boost Russia's low birth-rate. Women who give birth in 9 months are promised a chance at prizes they might have an extremely difficult time procuring on their own by working full-time in the struggling economy.
How very, very odd! Tee hee!
Actual Headline
Bush hopes to buy time for Iraq strategy.
Thanks for the hot tip, AP. What would we ever do without you?
I Write Letters
Dear Misogynist Douchehounds,
If you don't like feminists, stop giving me reason to be one.
Love,
Liss
Caption This Photo
"Wanna hop on my handlebars, baby?"
Willi Chevalier, from Germany, competes in the World Beard and Moustache Championships, held at the Brighton Centre in Brighton, southern England, Saturday Sept. 1, 2007. The Bi-Annual event is being held in Britain for the first time, and coincides with the 60th anniversary of The Handlebar Club, an international club for people with beards and moustaches. (AP Photo/PA, Clara Molden)
Thanks, George Will
For pointing out what a huge douchehound Fred Thompson is! With nemeses like you, who needs to blog?
Btw, is it just me, or does anyone else read stuff like this
Sean Hannity, who is no Torquemada conducting inquisitions of conservatives, asked Thompson: "When you look at the other current crop of candidates—Republicans—where is the distinction between your positions and what you view as theirs?" Thompson replied: "Well, to tell you the truth, I haven't spent a whole lot of time going into the details of their positions."…and think that the main reason Fred Thompson is running for president is because, shrug, he doesn't have anything better to do?
I hope America has finally noticed at long last that guys who have nothing better to do than be president make shitty presidents. To wit: If 2000 had turned out differently, Dubya would have spent the past almost-seven years fucking around on the boards of various corporations. Gore spent them becoming the world's most prominent environmental advocate, writing a few bestselling books, starring in the most successful documentary of all time, winning an Oscar, getting nominated for the Nobel Prize, and being right on every significant domestic and foreign policy issue that's been up for debate.
So maybe we shouldn't be quite so enamored with dudez who don't seem to give a shit. Just saying.
Forget What I Said. Diet Talk Can Totally Forge World Peace.
Note: I just realized (because it was only sent to me last night) that the article in question here is a few months old, and Paul was on it right away. Of course.
We're all aware of how women who have nothing else in common can spend hours talking about their weight loss efforts and how much they hate their bodies.
And I like to think we're all aware of how damaging those conversations are to our self-esteem, even if they can feel like something vaguely reminiscent of friendship.
Now, from the Department of Beyond the Pale, comes this news: a documentary filmmaker set out to show that peace could be advanced in the Middle East by getting Israeli and Palestinian women together to talk about their fucking diets.
Says filmmaker Yael Luttwak:I was really passionate about making this film. I believe in peace. I care a lot about the Middle East. I care about the fact that Israelis and Palestinians are continuously killing each other, and I'd like that to stop. I wanted to see what would happen if we brought them together over something as universal as weight loss -- because who doesn't care about their weight? Could they come together on something as neutral as that?
Is it just me, or does this sound more like a parody of a Miss America contestant than an idea for a documentary?
And how did Luttwak come to have this idea?I went to Weight Watchers, and I sat in these meetings and I saw these Middle Eastern women -- and they're so full of life and spice. And it's all so intimate, because weight has so many emotions attached to it. It's so loaded. There's success and there's failure and there's pain. Then at the same time, in 2000, the peace process broke down -- and it's never been repaired since. So something in my head just connected the two.
"Something in her head" just connected Weight Watchers meetings and peace in the Middle East.
I'm guessing that would be a loose screw.
Also, anyone who criticized me recently for making blanket statements about how dieters so often make everything in the whole entire world about their diets? Can suck it. Exhibit A, y'all.
Thanks to reader Tabitha for the link and Col for the video.
Nerf Vibrator
It looks like President Bush is close to nominating Ted Olson as the replacement for outgoing Attorney General Alberto Gonazales.
Not so fast, says Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid.
Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid vowed on Wednesday to block former Solicitor General Theodore Olson from becoming attorney general if President George W. Bush nominates him to replace Alberto Gonzales.Yeah, well, excuse me if I'm a tad skeptical about the Democrats' resolve to hold firm against the Republicans and the president. Think back to how firmly they stood up to them on renewing the PATRIOT Act, funding the Iraq war, and revising the FISA Act. Heretofore Democratic resoluteness has been about as ineffective and frustrating as a Nerf vibrator.
Congressional and administration officials have described Olson as a leading contender for the job as the nation's chief U.S. law enforcement officer, but Reid declared: "Ted Olson will not be confirmed" by the Senate.
"He's a partisan, and the last thing we need as an attorney general is a partisan," Reid told Reuters in a brief hallway interview on Capitol Hill.
That's to be expected, though. As David Neiwert at FDL notes, the Democrats are the only ones in Washington who are expected to behave nicely.
For some reason, Democrats must be the model of decorum and civility and moderation and bipartisanship when it comes to governing; any deviance from this script brings on fainting spells and finger-wagging. Meanwhile Republicans can be as vicious and nasty and ruthless and nakedly partisan as they please, and their “toughness” is merely celebrated.So it doesn't matter that Mr. Olson has been as partisan and hypocritical as they come in Washington; you'll recall that he represented the Bush campaign before the Supreme Court in the 2000 Florida election fight and that he was instrumental in the Arkansas Project, the right-wing hunt to dig up dirt on the Clintons. The president will nominate him, the press will fawn, the Democrats will squawk, they'll cave, and everyone will say how nice it is that everyone gets along so well in doing the country's business.
[...]
We’ll see if Olson is indeed the nominee; but even if he isn’t, the fact that he’s one of the favorites sends a message. The White House’s response to Leahy and the Democrats is loud and clear, and one we’ve heard before: Go fuck yourselves. You want us to replace Gonzales, a reliable right-wing lackey? Fine; we’ll give you a right-wing consigliere.
If Olson is nominated, watch for the Beltway media in the following days to briefly wring their hands about this rather naked poke in the eye but eventually come around to the conclusion that Bush’s nomination is “bold” and represents his “resoluteness” or some such nonsense. Then the right-wing Wurlitzer will kick in and start reminding us what a swell fellow Ted Olson really is (I think you can hear Joe diGenova and Victoria Toensing winding up their grinders even as we speak).
Compare this, if you will, to the mass tut-tut coming from the Beltway over MoveOn.org’s tough treatment of Gen. Petraeus for his report to Congress. And even more pointedly, it’s worth noting Democrats’ response to the assault — namely, to cower and run from their own best advocates.
These, then, are the Bush Rules in action: Only Democrats have to be civil. “Bipartisanship” means acceding to the conservative agenda. And Republicans can be as vicious as they like, because then we’ll just call it “toughness” or, if it’s really ugly, “just a joke.”
Cross-posted from Bark Bark Woof Woof.
Question of the Day
Take it away, Mama Shakes: "While I was washing dishes, something made me think of [her good friend] J and the first time he had dinner at [his wife of almost 40 years] E's before they were married. J came from a large family, always an abundance of food on the table. At E's grandparents' house, he took two pork chops before he realized there was only one per person. He was mortified to have to put a chop back on the platter. So … What social faux pas can still cause you to blush?"
I'm sure I've made an absolute arse of myself in precisely this fashion on numerous occasions, but nothing's coming to mind at the moment. I don't generally get embarrassed terribly easily, by virtue of being such an enormous klutz and awkward git; my own buffoonery has inured me to mere mortal mortifications. It's really got to be a gaffe extravaganza before it's so humiliating I commit it to permanent, cringing memory.
I do recall once waxing aghast at George Foreman's decision to name all his children "George" (or some variation thereof), finishing with a flourish about how it's a rather dreadful name in the first place, only to realize that there was a George among our group whom I'd only just met. He was delightfully gracious, simply saying in response to my immediate stuttered apology, "It's okay. I hate the name myself."
The weird thing about that story is that I don't really dislike the name George at all—although I must have, at age 18. Or I was just being a prat. A distinct possibility.
In retrospect, I don't find that enormously embarrassing, though—mostly because of George's generous willingness to indulge my insistence on sticking my foot in my mouth. That sort of kindness has undoubtedly served me well on other occasions, too, and I try to pay it forward when given the opportunity.
Cosmo Reminds the Ladies It's Their Job to Avoid Being Raped
Do you think the sixth place is one of the 4 Things All Guys Keep Private?
The Rotund has a great post today in which she notes that women's magazines "have never been about empowering women," which could only be more accurate if she added "and have been about empowering the patriarchy." Giving women a list of places sexual predators allegedly look for their prey and labeling it "How to Stay Safe" is about the most woman-hating, preemptive victim-blaming bullshit I can imagine.
For a start, it's reinforcing the notion that women are the gatekeepers of prevention against sexual assault, despite the overwhelming majority of sexual assaults being committed by men—and if you don't grok the scorching illogic of that consternatingly intractable mismatch of cultural responsibilities, you're reading the wrong blog.
Beyond that, I can't put it any more simply than I've now put it (literally) dozens of times before, starting here: Left to my own devices, I never would have been raped. The rapist was really the key component to the whole thing. I was sober; hardly scantily clad (another phrase appearing once in the article), I was wearing sweatpants and an oversized t-shirt; I was at home; my sexual history was, literally, nonexistent—I was a virgin; I struggled; I said no. There have been times since when I have been walking home, alone, after a few drinks, wearing something that might have shown a bit of leg or cleavage, and I wasn't raped. The difference was not in what I was doing. The difference was the presence of a rapist.
It really doesn't get any simpler. Women can be cautioned to avoid Cosmo's list of 5 places, and women can be admonished for drinking (too much) alcohol, and women can be told to cover up this body part or that, and women can be told dark fairy tales of girls who were warned, girls who were sluts, girls who deserved it, and the women who hear those morality plays can abide all the rules laid out for them about "How to Stay Safe," and the only thing that matters in the end is whether they cross paths with a man who decides to rape them.
A man who's probably never picked up a lad's mag in his life to see an article explaining to him "How You Can Make the World Safer for Women."
Chris Crocker Will Take Over the World
Shakesville: Hipping you to random shit
in front of the curve for nearly three years.
You can hear Chris intereviewed about his hawt fanvid here.
The Last Throes
Just because the world doesn't hate us enough...
A recent decision by German officials to withhold support for any new sanctions against Iran has pushed a broad spectrum of officials in Washington to develop potential scenarios for a military attack on the Islamic regime, FOX News confirmed Tuesday.All this because, according to one foreign diplomat, "'...[t]here are a number of people in the administration who do not want their legacy to be leaving behind an Iran that is nuclear armed, so they are looking at what are the alternatives? They are looking at other options,' the diplomat said."
[...]
Consequently, according to a well-placed Bush administration source, "everyone in town" is now participating in a broad discussion about the costs and benefits of military action against Iran, with the likely timeframe for any such course of action being over the next eight to 10 months, after the presidential primaries have probably been decided, but well before the November 2008 elections.
So for all those who have been saying that all we have to do is just wait out the next year and a half until the Bushies leave town, their going-away present could be a nuclear war with a country that's led by a crazy man.
Crooks and Liars has put out an action alert if you're motivated to let Congress know that the last thing we need is to further inflame the Islamic world -- if that's possible -- and give in to every neocon's wet dream of going out in a blaze of glory.
The Victim-Blaming Begins in Earnest
Shaker Ann just forwarded this article regarding the heinous sexual assault and torture of a black woman by six white assholes, about which Litbrit posted earlier. The headline sets the stage—Neighbors say Logan abuse victim was 'very trusting'—but it's in the body of the article where the real magic happens.
"She was very trusting," [56-year-old Stephen Hairston, the victim's former next door neighbor] said Tuesday at his Stockton Street home. "I figure that's what got her into trouble. Supposedly, these were people who she thought were her friends."Um, no it isn't. "Running with the wrong crowd" refers to erstwhile good kids who make bad choices after falling in with bad kids. Being "held captive for a week in a ramshackle shed … stabbed, choked, sexually abused, forced to eat rat and dog feces and drink from the toilet … doused with hot water, choked with a cable cord, stabbed in the leg and [having] her hair cut and pulled" isn't making a bad choice. It's being tortured.
The case has shocked both the residents of the neighborhood where 20-year-old Williams grew up and got a reputation for maybe being a bit too trusting and the Logan County hollow where the six people accused of torturing her had a reputation for their wild, sometimes violent, way of life.
It's the ultimate case of running with the wrong crowd.
But in case you weren't yet convinced that none of this would have happened if only Megan weren't so gosh darn trusting, the article helpfully continues;
On Stockton Street, residents knew Williams as a nice, well-mannered girl - vulnerable and possibly too naive.Consider for a moment how completely fucked up it is to accuse someone of being naïve because they trust that most people won't hold them captive and torture them. You know, I think most of us are that naïve.
Meanwhile, another neighbor, 77-year-old Willa Ann Leonard, says that the victim "usually appeared somewhat slow and deprived," which suggests she could be mentally disabled—a rather odd tidbit to just tuck in toward the end of a story calling her "naïve" and "too trusting." If Ms. Leonard is right, the entire premise of the story is even higher heaping piles of bullshit, as the victim may well have lacked the capacity to accurately assess even obvious risks.
The county magistrate who oversaw the arraignment of the six fucks charged in the case describes it as "the worst thing I've ever seen. It makes you want to puke." He didn't have any words about how overly trusting their victim was.
Guess Who's Hosting the Oscars?
Did ya figure it out from my subtle hint yet?
Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, Jon Stewarty goodness!
H/T Mark.
