Hillary seen as being "best at ending the Iraq war"? Unexpected.
Clunk
That was the sound of my head hitting my desk after I read this load of codswallop:
Republican presidential contender Fred Thompson…in his first campaign stop in South Carolina, told a crowd of about 500 Republicans yesterday that he gained his values from "sitting around the kitchen table" with his parents and "the good Church of Christ."Okay, first of all, I'd just like to point out, since the media certainly won't, that that doesn't have any intrinsic meaning. Everyone from Gandhi to Hitler could claim they got their values from "sitting around the kitchen table" with their parents, but that means diddlyshit unless one elucidates what, precisely, those values are. And as for "the good Church of Christ," well, same deal. What are the values of "the good Church of Christ," pray tell? Not all churches have the same values. Some churches aid and abet pedophiles; some break IRS tax exemption laws; some practice sex segregation; some kick out pregnant teens. Some churches practice institutionalized hatred of teh gayz, while some happily marry them. It's just such a load of honking bollocks to pretend that "I got my values from Ma, Pa, and Father Joe!" actually conveys anything real, other than a desire to pander to the lowest common denominator of unthinking douchebags in the whole of the electorate.
Talking to reporters later, Thompson, a former Tennessee senator, said his church attendance "varies."Ooh, that won't go over too well with the GOP base—wait, what's that now?
"I attend church when I'm in Tennessee. I'm in McLean right now," he said referring to the Virginia suburb of Washington, D.C., where he lives. "I don't attend regularly when I'm up there."
Thompson said he usually attends church when visiting his mother in Tennessee and isn't a member of any church in the Washington area.
Thompson's churchgoing habits weren't a problem for at least one onlooker.Of course it is. Because there are no atheists in foxholes, and no Christians in jail.
"As long as he was acclimated in some kind of church, involved in the church, that's very important," said Jamie Darnell, 27, of Greenville.
Come Again?
Petulant just sent me this video of Barack Obama on The Today Show this morning, in which David Gregory interviews the senator about the major policy speech he plans to give today on Iraq. Just watch the first minute (the transcript of the relevant bit is below):
David Gregory: Meredith, thank you. Senator Barack Obama, who is running for president, will deliver what he is calling a major policy speech today on Iraq. Senator Obama, good morning to you.
Barack Obama: Good morning, David.
DG: You heard Secretary Rice say that there was progress in Iraq that cannot be ignored, and she spoke about when, not if, the United States prevails in Iraq. Do you see it that way?
BO: Well, look, I think it's important to understand that, after two days of testimony, here's the bottom line: That, having put an additional thirty thousand troops in, and continued the same course that we're on, we are now back to the horrendous levels of violence that we were back in June of 2006. So there's no doubt that we’ve seen some measured progress in Anbar province, primarily because the Sunni tribal leaders made a political decision there that they would work with the coalition forces. We've seen a very modest reduction in violence in Baghdad, partly because entire neighborhoods have essentially been ethnically cleansed. Those are all positive things.
Zuh?! As Petulant says, "WTF? Ethnic Cleansing is a POSITIVE THING! Ok Obama! Make that a bumper sticker and you will be President. America has a long tradition of loving ethnic cleansing!"
Zoinks.
If I were feeling generous, I'd suggest that Obama was just referring to the "modest reduction in violence in Baghdad" as a positive thing, but I'm not feeling generous. I'm feeling like someone who thinks that if Obama knows the reduction in violence is attributable to ethnic cleansing, then no matter how you slice it, saying that it's a positive thing is horseshit. I'm feeling like someone who sees a candidate desperately attempting to split hairs—war bad, but these wee little slices of the war good—to avoid taking a brave, hardline, antiwar stance (despite claiming he's taken one "since before the war"), because that stance draws nasty, unfair criticism from people who will never vote for him anyway. I'm feeling like someone who constantly hears the muddled nonsense (just like this) a person who refuses to be brave inevitably comes out with (just like this). I'm feeling unimpressed. Not generous.
Bleh.
Revision
I don't know shit about comic books, but via Joy Nash and a really terrific post by Noah Brand, I have just fallen in love with Wonder Woman's sidekick Etta Candy.
The original version of her, that is. The one who looks like this:
That Etta was drawn by William Moulton Marston; Brand has this to say about the Marston Etta:
Let’s take a moment to look at her body and her attitude about it. Etta is short, and she’s fat. Not a little plump, not fake Hollywood Janeane-Garofalo faux-fat, actually fat. And she’s surrounded by all these girls who are a clear foot taller than her, with figures like Wonder Woman’s. Does Etta look embarrassed to you? Does she look self-conscious, ashamed, any of the things a girl who looks like her is expected to be? Hell no. And it’s not just those five panels; go over every page Etta’s ever appeared on, and look for a single moment when she apologizes for or is ashamed of how she looks. You won’t find one. While you’re at it, find me another female character with the same body and the same attitude about it. Check the 40s, check the present. No, go ahead, keep checking. I’ll wait.
See? You're in love with her now, too, right? (Also, you're a little in love with Noah Brand, aren't you? Me too.)
But check this shit out. Brand intrigued me with this tidbit at the end of the article:
Etta’s mostly forgotten now, retconned out decades ago as too silly and fat, retooled as a military officer with a couple extra pounds, made safe and acceptable and nonthreatening.
So I made with the Google. This is the new Etta:
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?
Wait, it gets better. According to Wikipedia,
Etta Candy was revived in the early 1980s, when Steve Trevor and General Phil Darnell were also revived. Etta was featured as secretary to Darnell, and Diana's roommate. Unlike the Marston characterization of a bold, sassy, wisecracking sorority leader, Etta was now presented as meek and insecure. She was weight-conscious, and shared an apartment with Diana Prince, unaware of her secret identity.
Emphasis mine.
And I thought America Ferrera on the cover of Glamour was bad.
Zeppelin To Fly Once Again Over London
The song remains the same:
Rock legends Led Zeppelin were set to announce a one-off comeback concert on Wednesday nearly three decades after disbanding. [...] Bonham’s son Jason is expected to wield the drum sticks for the band known to many fans simply as Zep.I think it's unrealistic to expect Jimmy's speed licks, along the lines of his Heartbreaker solo, but this is still pretty big news. And, if you look at a recent picture of Jimmy Page, I think it's safe to say he is closer to looking like The Hermit from the Zoso album than ever before. I'm not expecting Plant's voice to be ideal either. My faith is placed in the rhythm section of little Bonham and John Paul Jones. I guess being a drummer makes me biased that way, but hey - I always say that John Bonham had the best bass drum technique in the business.
Rounding out Led Zeppelin, rated the best ever hard-rock band by U.S. channel VH1, would be its classic founding trio of singer Robert Plant, guitarist Jimmy Page and bassist John Paul Jones.
I have never seen Zeppelin before John Bonham's death, but I did manage to catch the Page/Plant tour in the 90's. That was a fantastic show. Hearing all the great tracks was one thing, but the addition of the Egyptian ensemble during Four Sticks and Kashmir was beyond the beyond.
While I've had other bands of worship over the years, I've always loved Zeppelin. The very first planetarium laser show I ever attended was Laser Zeppelin at the Hayden Planetarium in New York. Of course, that led to Laser Floyd, which subsequently led to weekly outings to NYC and getting wasted during a night of laser activity. But I digress.
None of us will be able to get tickets to this gig, but I'll post again after the cable broadcast so we can compare notes.
ZEPPELIN!!
[H/T to Mr. Shakes - The biggest Zep fan in the world!]
Petraeus Doesn't Know If Iraq War Makes America Safer
You have got to be kidding me: "During the Q&A round at the armed services committee, Senator John Warner, the Virginia Republican who used to chair the committee and who has called for beginning a disengagement in Iraq, took a few sharp (albeit respectful) jabs at Petraeus, noting that one intelligence report after another has said that political reconciliation in Iraq could be a bridge too far. He then asked Petraeus a pointed question: 'Do you feel that [Iraq war] is making America safer?' Petraeus paused before responding. He then said: 'I believe this is indeed the best course of action to achieve our objectives in Iraq.' That was, of course, a non-answer. And Warner wasn't going to let the general dodge the bullet. He repeated the question: 'Does the [Iraq war] make America safer?' Petraeus replied, 'I don't know, actually. I have not sat down and sorted in my own mind.' "
He doesn't know?! Well, what the fuck is he—illiterate? Can he not read the National Intelligence Estimate, in which 16 US intelligence agencies concluded that the Iraq War is making us less safe because it is creating more terrorists, or British reports revealing the same?
#@$*&^#&$*&#@$*&^#&$*&#@$*&^#&$*&!!!
The thing is, I'm not even sure Warner should have asked the question, but if Petraeus thought it was an unfair question, he should have said that, not "I don't know," which, naturally, is bullshit. He does know, and he knows the answer is that the war is not making America safer, but like a good little political hack, he'd rather appear to be as daft as a doorknob than be honest about the war's abject failure.
Two Soldiers Who Authored Times Op-Ed Die in Iraq
There's evidence that suggests Pat Tillman was fragged, and evidence that suggests LaVena Johnson may have been killed in connection with a sexual assault. Pat's death was first called heroic; LaVena's is still called a suicide.
It is with LaVena and Pat in mind that I read about the accident which killed two of the seven soldiers who wrote an op-ed for the New York Times last month, in which they expressed doubts about whether the war could be won.
Sgt. Omar Mora and Sgt. Yance Gray died Monday in a vehicle accident in western Baghdad, two of seven U.S. troops killed in the incident which was reported just as Gen. David Petraeus was about to report to Congress on progress in the "surge." The names have just been released.I've no defense against anyone who would suggest I'm being paranoid and cynical. I absolutely am. And when you have reason to be, paranoia and cynicism are rational choices. I hope I'm wrong to be suspicious, and fear that I'm not.
Gen. Petraeus was questioned about the message of the op-ed in testimony before a Senate committee yesterday.
The controversial Times column on Aug. 19 was called "The War As We Saw It," and expressed skepticism about American gains in Iraq. “To believe that Americans, with an occupying force that long ago outlived its reluctant welcome, can win over a recalcitrant local population and win this counterinsurgency is far-fetched,” the group wrote.
It closed: "We need not talk about our morale. As committed soldiers, we will see this mission through."
Sgts Mora and Gray are each survived by a wife and daughter.
How Did I Miss this Line in all my CanLit Classes?
For what is health? I say (and of late years I am astonished that the World Health Organization agrees with me) that health is when nothing hurts very much; but the popular idea is of health as a norm to which we must all seek to conform. Not to be healthy, not to be in "top form" is one of the few sins that modern society is willing to recognize and condemn. But are there not as many healths as there are bodies?
- Robertson Davies, The Cunning Man
(Thanks to Shapely Prose reader iiii for the quote.)
The 4400
Erin Ellia is a sub-prime borrower, frustrated homeowner, thwarted fixer-upper, and (when she has time) writer based in Weymouth, Massachusetts. She blogs about all these gobs of fun at The House and I and has just finished a memoir of the same name, painfully recounting the whole hellacious experience.
Okay, so it was really only 4000 jobs the nation lost this month, but the way they’re talking about it, you’d think all those workers had been abducted by aliens. I could have told them the building trades were going in the toilet months ago. You know how I knew?
Building-trade employer and employee, sittin’ right here under a single roof.
It’s a pretty simple formula, really. People lose their houses, they tend to stop doing any renovation work on them (nuts, I know, but there you have it). People stop purchasing new houses, new houses tend to stop getting built (crazy!). No renovation work, no new construction… no building-trade jobs. Ipso facto. Q.E.D.
And duh.
Now, it’s the next step nobody’s cottoned on to yet. The 4400 – and I’m keeping that number, because it’s close enough and seriously, how do they know? – the 4400 painters and plumbers and electricians and carpenters who lost their jobs this month (my Johnny among them) are not the owners of construction companies. They are the hourly-wage slags who maybe, if they were very lucky (and very stupid), bought houses of their own not long ago. And, because they are hourly-wage slags who (up till a month ago) worked in the building trades, they probably had to get sub-prime mortgages to make it happen. We did.
If they were so far beyond stupid that they actually thought they were being smart, then they bought fixer-uppers with their subprime pound of flesh. They worked in the building trades, they figured. They knew People. They could get professional work done for short money and wind up owning more house than they’d actually paid for. It was a win-win situation. The real estate market never goes anywhere but up. If they decided not to sell the house, they could always refinance later.
Now these 4400, if they’re anything like us (which we know at least two of them are), have mortgages they never really deserved in the first place, and half-done renovation projects that they can’t afford to finish. Oh, sure, there’s all these unemployed painters and plumbers and electricians and carpenters milling around, but they’re not going to work for free just because they have the time (I know Johnny isn’t). Plus, paint and pipes and wires and 2x4s cost money. Home Depot dumped its own construction division for a discount price a month ago – they’ve still got to make their earnout somewhere.
So the end result is more work not getting done. More money not being spent. More mortgages foreclosed upon. And more workers losing jobs. Ipso facto. Q.E.D.
And d’oh.
Us, well, our kitchen is sawzalled down the middle – new on one side, old on the other – and we’ll have to leave it that way for a while. But when the furnace that came with the house exploded we couldn’t exactly choose not to replace it. A New England winter body needs her heat, no matter how unemployed her husband is. So we hired a cut-rate plumber (and got exactly what we paid for, but at least Cut-Rate Plumber was employed, by us, for a couple grueling weeks, so he won’t show up in the August statistics). We spent our rainy-day fund (thank god it hasn’t rained in Massachusetts in what feels like years), but at least we’ll go into the winter with our new furnace intact.
We just won’t be able to afford to turn it on.
News from Shakes Manor
Last night, Mr. Shakes and I went to Parental Manor for dinner, and, after we ate, I showed Mama Shakes Jim Gaffigan's Hot Pockets, which she'd missed when I first posted it. The two of us were laughing so hard that we were falling over on each other limply and weeping uncontrollably.
I just opened an email Mama Shakes sent me, and it started: "Hey, Hot Pockets!"
Which, naturally, sent me into another fit of hysterics.
I told her if I had it to do over again, I'd totally call this joint "Blog Pockets."
Question of the Day
In the comments thread of Melissa's post below, I mused that I was very glad I didn't have the internet when I was a total drama queen teenager, because at least all of my embarrassments were local. I can't imagine a world where my latest hissy fit could potentially go viral and wind up on Jay Leno that night. Remember the most humiliating thing that happened to you in high school? You know, that one thing that you still cringe about when it slithers out of the back of your brain? Imagine that all over the internet. Jebus. I'd probably run off and live with the Sherpas.
You've gotta admit, though...Chris is dedicated, man. Check out his collection. Omg.
So here's the question, Shakers: What band or celebrity were you so gaga over and dedicated to as a teenager that you would have gladly posted a tearful video "protecting" them on YouTube, even if you knew you'd be dying a thousand deaths over it when you were a somewhat more sensible adult?
I think we all know Melissa's...after all, she's one mascara-streaked webcam clip away from it, herself.
*cough*
*cough*
*cough*(BTW, Chris Crocker, I think you're awesome. You have your Britney freakout, girl.)
Some Outrage
The righties got all bent out of shape over the full-page ad that MoveOn.org ran in yesterday's New York Times labeling General Petraeus as "General Betray-Us." OMG! MoveOn.org is treasonous! This despite the fact that the nickname came from fellow officers in the military.
The talking point got picked up by the Republicans in the House committee where the general was testifying and used as a distraction so that they could yet again draw attention away from the fact that things really do suck in Iraq. As much as he tried to, the general really couldn't polish a turd.
The New York Times put it more delicately:The headline out of General Petraeus’s testimony was a prediction that the United States should be able to reduce its forces from 160,000 to 130,000 by next summer. That sounds like a big number, but it would only bring American troops to the level that were in Iraq when Mr. Bush announced his “surge” last January. And it’s the rough equivalent of dropping an object and taking credit for gravity. The military does not have the troops to sustain these high levels without further weakening the overstretched Army and denying soldiers their 15 months of home leave before going back to war.
Not everyone on the right is buying the bill of goods. George F. Will, not exactly a fan of MoveOn.org, says that by President Bush's own standards the surge has failed.Many of those who insist that the surge is a harbinger of U.S. victory in Iraq are making the same mistake they made in 1991 when they urged an advance on Baghdad, and in 2003 when they underestimated the challenge of building democracy there. The mistake is exaggerating the relevance of U.S. military power to achieve political progress in a society riven by ethnic and sectarian hatreds. America's military leaders, who are professional realists, do not make this mistake.
MoveOn.org did the Bush apologists, the neocons, and the rest of the warmongers a favor: they provided them with a distraction: the Republicans in the House are introducing a resolution to condemn MoveOn.org.
The progress that Petraeus reports in improving security in portions of Iraq is real. It might, however, have two sinister aspects.
First, measuring sectarian violence is problematic: The Washington Post reports that a body with a bullet hole in the front of the skull is considered a victim of criminality; a hole in the back of the skull is evidence of sectarian violence. But even if violence is declining, that might be partly because violent sectarian cleansing has separated Sunni and Shiite communities. This homogenization of hostile factions -- trained and armed by U.S. forces -- may bear poisonous fruit in a full-blown civil war.
Second, brutalities by al-Qaeda in Iraq have indeed provoked some Sunni leaders to collaborate with U.S. forces. But these alliances of convenience might be inconvenient when Shiites again become the Sunnis' principal enemy.
[...]
What "forced" America to go to war in 2003 -- the "gathering danger" of weapons of mass destruction -- was fictitious. That is one reason why this war will not be fought, at least not by Americans, to the bitter end. The end of the war will, however, be bitter for Americans, partly because the president's decision to visit Iraq without visiting its capital confirmed the flimsiness of the fallback rationale for the war -- the creation of a unified, pluralist Iraq.
After more than four years of war, two questions persist: Is there an Iraq? Are there Iraqis?
It's another "Oh, look at the kitty!" moment. What more proof do you need that they will do anything to give themselves something to be outraged about rather than face the reality of the failure of the war and the real outrage of the hundreds of thousands of lives lost and the billions of dollars squandered in a senseless, vainglorious, and immoral tantrum of brutality.
Cross-posted from Bark Bark Woof Woof.
Pretty Little Freak
Okay, so this is about as self-indulgent as it gets, but Melissa's post on Britney Spears got me to thinking about a song I wrote five or six years ago. I don't often write lyrics (or poetry of any kind--just not my cuppa), but I've always sort of liked this. And it's a rainy Tuesday, and I'm feeling self-indulgent, so...
Anyway, the damage is below the fold.
You're a pretty little freak
In your heroin chic
Using simple starvation
Like your only salvation
Coverin' all the magazines
In your tiny blue jeans, babe
Tell me do you think it's your fault
This slow death
Wastin away after every breath
Somebody oughtta help find your way out of this place
Winner of the human race
It's so perfect and nice
In your paradise
Answering the interviews
Like you think they want you to
Waiting for your big scene
Stuck inside the small screen, yeah
Tell me do you think you look great
With clear skin
Showing the skull behind every grin
And no one ever thinks to ask if you want to go home
Especially now you're full grown
Every day is so sweet
And completely complete
Thinking you're the girl next door
Snortin' up the night before
Here for everyone to see
Someone else's fantasy, yeah
Tell me do you know who's in charge of your pain
'Cause there's never a cloud and there's always rain
And I really love to reach you, but I wouldn't know where to begin
Your fan club wouldn't let me in
You never sleep at night
Just hold your latest boyfriend close and tight
Maybe you're scared
Of whatever you'd dream
Since nobody would wake you--
You've forgotten how to scream
You're a pretty little freak
Always acting so meek
Deep inside you're marking time
Watchin' who'll be next in line
All the little girls do
Everything you show 'em to, yeah
Tell me do you think it's your fault
This whole mess
A zombie stuck in every skin-tight dress
Maybe if you wear your smile it'll all disappear
Mannequins have nothing to fear...
Rudy & Rudey
With regard to the 9/11 celebration commemoration about which Blogenfreude posted below, Greg Sargent makes a good point about GOP presidential contender Rudy Giuliani and Ann Coulter being on the same bill:
Rudy Giuliani may be running for President on his 9/11 performance, but that hasn't stopped him from planning to spend part of the sixth anniversary of the attacks with a high-profile pundit who's repeatedly bashed the 9/11 widows, calling them "self-obsessed" and accusing them of "enjoying their husband's deaths."Sargent then goes on to recount some of Coulter's greatest hits, like:
"These self-obsessed women seemed genuinely unaware that 9/11 was an attack on our nation and acted as if the terrorist attacks happened only to them."
and
"These broads are millionaires, lionized on TV and in articles about them, reveling in their status as celebrities and stalked by grief-arazzis. I've never seen people enjoying their husbands' deaths so much."
I guess Giuliani doesn't mind being associated with those comments. Not remotely surprising, but good to have confirmed.
Leave Britney Alone!
Warning: May not be worksafe, due to excessive preponderance of wailing.
Transcript: Ahhhhhhhh! ZOMG! You're BASTARD PEOPLE! I hate you and I hate your ASS FACE! Ahhhhhhhh! Screeeeeeeeeeech! ZOMG! Squeal! Waaaahhhh!
[In all seriousness, I am getting sick to death of people saying Britney Spears looked fat at the VMAs. Get real.]
Osama Söze
Here we are, six years later. And, with Hollywood script timing, Osama has released another tape to get our panties in a Pavlovian wad. Sure, there are a bunch of fucktards out there who would argue that this tape only strengthens our reason to continue in Iraq (and move on to Iran), but these fucktards don't seem to give a shit about the status of the man in the tape. You know, public enemy #1 and all that—the man at the top, the man responsible for the "day that changed everything."
We posture, rattle sabers and threaten Iran, but none of it has any effect on Osama because he's still churning out tapes. We look like a bunch of incompetent Keystone Cop idiots running around everywhere Osama is NOT, unable to get him after six fucking years. Dare I say, heckuva job Bushie ("dead or alive", my arse). That's presuming Osama's alive. If he's dead, then Al-Qaeda is successfully managing to keep up the impression that their leader is nothing short of omnipotent and unbeatable, which doesn't reflect well on us, or there's something more sinister afoot on our own shores. Before you're too quick to say, "Oh - this country would NEVER do something like that, you asshat!" well, this country would never sanction torture either, right? Thank you, now have a seat.
Either way, we're down to the same conclusion. No one cares about Osama, the person, anymore. It's all about Osama, the myth and the bogeyman, the Keyser Söze of the War on Terror.
This simplistic approach has worked consistently on at least 30% of our population, because without the evil enemy, you can't sell the fight. As long as that bearded devil keeps showing up every so often, it's not over. The current administration has a vested interest in keeping that myth alive. In fact, the White House has admitted this very sentiment in so many words. White House spokesman Gordon Johndroe, accompanying President George W. Bush at an Asia-Pacific leaders' summit in Sydney, said in reaction to news of the new video:
Let that one sink in for a bit. Notice there's no exasperated outrage over the fact that the architect of the "day that changed everything" is still sending messages, and that there's no firm resolve to do anything about it. You would think they would be more pissed, as each tape serves as another reminder of their unequivocal failure to get the responsible individual. However, the White House response is nothing more than the tape being used to justify continuing the current war.
"Six years after 9/11, the arrests in Germany and Denmark this week, and the battles we fight against al Qaeda in Iraq, Afghanistan ... remind us of the continuing threat we face from extremists and why we must continue to take the fight to them wherever they are."
Absolutely disgusting. The fact that they have the unmitigated gall to use that tape and this day as props for justification, while letting Osama get away scot-free, makes me want to hurl. But even that is not as offensive as all of the hawks running around who STILL fall for this, who STILL think that asserting our power in Iraq (and Iran) will satisfy any justice or revenge requirements for what happened six years ago. And the most offensive of all would be the hawks who know damn well that one has nothing do with the other, and couldn’t care less about Osama’s whereabouts. Well, fuck the whole stinking lot of them.
Spanked Like Me
As Misty posted below, Kathy Griffin is being censored by the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences because she made a Jesus joke in her Emmy acceptance speech and my old friend Bill Donohue made a big stink about it.
Naturally, given that Griffin and I share a few things in common—we both hail from Chicago, we're both sassy feminist bitchez deeply in need of more melanin, we both love Teh Gayz and hate the fuck out of Ann Coulter, neither one of us has any idea how to do our own hair, we're both stuck on our own respective D-Lists, and we both have big fucking mouths—and given that I absolutely adore and admire Griffin, I'm rather amused and strangely proud to now see that she, too, is now a target of Donohue's ridiculous, bloviating ire.
My reaction to the decision generally, however—and to the Academy's reassurance that "Kathy Griffin's offensive remarks will not be part of the E! telecast on Saturday night"—is that it's an awesome load of ironic richness that they're putting a stop to a comedian being irreverent on television about the Christ child because it's so offensive. I just hope one of the puritanical prigs of the Academy can wrench his or her vapors-stricken ass from the fainting couch long enough to remind Griffin that if she's going to be offensive on television, she's got to make fun of women, gays, ethnic minorities, fat people, foreigners, the disabled, or the poor. Just stay away from Jesus.
(Not that she was really saying anything about Jesus, anyway—but poking fun at the exhaustingly familiar "thank God if we win; blame the quarterback if we lose" routine.)
And, once again, I'm amazed by the credibility conferred upon Donohue's diarrheic rantings by the mainstream press. The AP describes The Catholic League as "an anti-defamation group," which couldn't be more laughable. The Catholic League is not an anti-defamation group, but a one-man defamation show starring Donohue, who goes around accusing anyone who makes jokes about Jesus or has the unmitigated temerity to point out that there are some fascistic tendencies among the American Christian Right of being "anti-Catholic." He's nothing more than an opportunistic scumbag who raises money by pretending that bloggers and comedians (and sculptors) are a genuine threat to Catholics, never mind whether they've said anything at all about Catholics or Catholicism. And he laughs all the way to the bank every time the media unquestioningly laps up his putrid excretions. They never learn.
So, I find myself with one more thing in common with Kathy Griffin, now that we've both had a press release issued by the saddest man on the planet in service of his infantile need to publicly spank adult women like naughty little girls. I consider myself in good company. Griffin, for one of whose upcoming Chicago shows I have tickets, is one of my heroes. I can't wait to see her.
Bill Donohue, on the other hand, can kiss my fat white arse. And when he's done with the Queen Cunt of Fuck Mountain, I'm sure Griffin can find some time in her busy D-List schedule to offer up her ripe patoot for the same treatment—that is, if Donohue can stop whinging long enough to shut his sanctimonious piehole and pucker up.
R.I.P., Anita Roddick
Anita Roddick, founder of The Body Shop, has died of a brain hemorrhage at 64.
Roddick was well-known for her charity work and her amazing efforts to make it clear that The Body Shop has corporate values other than profit. Those values are listed on the website next to the slogan "Made with Passion":
Against Animal Testing
Support Community Trade
Activate Self Esteem
Defend Human Rights
Protect Our Planet
I want to talk about the third one.
In 1998, I was into my second year of living as A Thin Person for the first time since I'd hit puberty, having lost 65 lbs. in 1996-7. I didn't know -- well, more accurately, didn't believe -- that two years later I'd be fatter than ever. I thought of myself as the rare dieting success story -- a belief supported by my Jenny Craig counselor asking if I'd like to submit my before and after photos for a chance at being in one of their ads, as the smiling thin woman right above the "Results Not Typical" fine print.
One day, on one of the manic, hours-long walks that helped sustain my weight loss, I passed a poster featuring a naked, fat, redheaded Barbie-type doll reclining happily on a couch, with the slogan, "There are 3 billion women in the world who don't look like supermodels, and only 8 who do."
I stopped and stared. I didn't even register for a couple minutes that it was an ad for The Body Shop. I just thought it was the coolest thing I'd seen in a really long time.
I went to the Body Shop and got myself a postcard of the same ad, and put it on the wall above my desk. Meanwhile, I still thought I was a dieting success story. And yet meanwhile, I still thought my thighs were too fat. I still wanted to be thinner -- if I tried harder, I could be a size 2, not just a 4! I still hated my weak chin and big nose and problematic skin. I did not personally want to look like "Ruby" ever again, and yet, I couldn't stop looking at that picture of her every damned day. I loved it. I loved her. I just thought I would never, ever be as comfortable in my own skin as that plastic doll. I thought I would never, ever be content with my lot as one of the 3 billion.
These days, my body looks an awful lot like Ruby's, actually -- only with nipples and pubic hair and stretch marks and zits and freckles and skin tags and scars. And I am very comfortable in it. And Ruby is partly to thank.
I've had cause to say frequently over the last few days that body acceptance is not something I arrived at overnight, as if the logic just clicked and that was that. It was a long, painful struggle. And for a long time, I really liked the idea of fat acceptance, while still really, really not wanting to be fat -- so as I've also said frequently in the last few days, I have a lot more empathy for fat acceptance supporters who still want to diet than it might seem like I do.
Coming to love my body for what it is -- a fundamental part of who I am, not something separate from the Real Me, and most importantly, not an enemy of the Real Me -- was a gradual process, most of it happening below my conscious awareness. But there were major flashpoints that will always remain fixed in my memory as early fat acceptance epiphanies. Reading No Fat Chicks, when I was still on Jenny Craig (the first time). Reading The Obesity Myth, after I'd done Jenny Craig and Weight Watchers more than once each, lost a total of 110 lbs., gained it all back, and was finally ready to stop fighting my body. And standing on that street in Toronto, staring at that Body Shop poster.
There are 3 billion women in the world who don't look like supermodels, and only 8 who do.
On Anita Roddick's website, she wrote in 2001 about the controversy surrounding the Ruby campaign. Mattel sent a cease-and-desist letter in the U.S., arguing that Ruby made Barbie look bad. (Roddick: "I was ecstatic that Mattel thought Ruby was insulting to Barbie -- the idea of one inanimate piece of molded plastic hurting another's feelings was absolutely mind-blowing.") In Hong Kong, the posters were banned for being too titillating -- while genuinely provocative images of real women remained.
Says Roddick:And there, in a nutshell, is my relationship with the beauty industry. It makes me angry, not only because it is a male-dominated industry built on creating needs that don't exist, but because it seems to have decided that it needs to make women unhappy about their appearances. It plays on self-doubt and insecurity about image and ageing by projecting impossible ideals of youth and beauty.
Leonard Lauder, son of Estée, once refused to advertise in Ms. Magazine (back when they still accepted ads) because, he said his products were meant for "the kept woman mentality."
I think it is a moral imperative that The Body Shop, as a cosmetics company itself, continue to buck the industry on issues of self-esteem, and to expose the cruel irony of the myth that a company must make a woman feel inferior in order to win her loyalty.
They did buck the industry -- long before Dove's much talked about Real Beauty Campaign -- and they did create change. Not to mention, they did create brand loyalty without playing on women's fears. (Mmmm, Body butter.) Believing that all that can be done doesn't seem so crazy now, but it did when The Body Shop started doing it.
I will always be grateful to Anita Roddick for Ruby, just as activists for animal rights, the environment, HIV awareness, domestic violence awareness, human rights and numerous other causes are grateful to her for making The Body Shop a powerful force for good.
Thank you, Anita Roddick. Rest in peace.
Today in Dumbassery
So recall that Dick in a Box won an Emmy? Well, at the same ceremony Kathy Griffin's show, Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List, also won. In her acceptance speech, Ms. Griffin reportedly said:
"Can you believe this shit? Hell has frozen over. Suck it, Jesus, this award is my god now."It's also reported that she said: "a lot of people come up here and thank Jesus for this award. I want you to know that no one had less to do with this award than Jesus."
Now enter Bill Donahue, attention whore.
The comedian's remarks were condemned Monday by Catholic League President Bill Donohue, who called them a "vulgar, in-your-face brand of hate speech."He really is a pathetic one-trick pony, isn't he?
[...]
The Catholic League, an anti-defamation group, called on the TV academy to "denounce Griffin's obscene and blasphemous comment" at Sunday's ceremony.
Thus far, the Academy has no plans to address anything during the ceremony Sunday. They are, however, planning on censoring Griffin's acceptance speech for the Saturday broadcast of the creative awards on E!:
"Kathy Griffin's offensive remarks will not be part of the E! telecast on Saturday night," the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences said in a statement Monday.According to the article, the parts of her speech that may be left in will include "some language [that] may be bleeped". Sounds like Ms. Griffin won't be saying much at all come the edited broadcast.
