The One... The Only
Thirty years ago we lost a cultural icon. No, I'm not talking about Elvis Presley. I'm talking about Julius Henry Marx (October 2, 1890 – August 19, 1977), better known to the world as simply "Groucho."
Groucho Marx
More than just part of a vaudeville act that also made it big in the movies, Groucho was probably one of the funniest and most insightful observers and critics of life and humanity. Here are just few of his observations:
* A man's only as old as the woman he feels.I am proud to proclaim myself a Marxist...as in Groucho.
* A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
* Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
* Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
* From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend on reading it.
* Go, and never darken my towels again.
* I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
* I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and read a good book.
* I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
* I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
* I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
* I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
* In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.
* Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
* Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
* Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
* Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
* One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.
* Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
* There is one way to find out if a man is honest; ask him! If he says yes you know he's crooked.
* Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
* Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
* Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.
Cross-posted from Bark Bark Woof Woof.
Terrorized
Concern Over Wider Spying Under New Law:
Broad new surveillance powers approved by Congress this month could allow the Bush administration to conduct spy operations that go well beyond wiretapping to include — without court approval — certain types of physical searches on American soil and the collection of Americans' business records, Democratic Congressional officials and other experts said.(Background on the bill here and here.)
Administration officials acknowledged that they had heard such concerns from Democrats in Congress recently, and that there was a continuing debate over the meaning of the legislative language…
The dispute illustrates how lawmakers, in a frenetic, end-of-session scramble, passed legislation they may not have fully understood and may have given the administration more surveillance powers than it sought.
And now that the Dems are being grilled about this clusterfuck of a law they allowed to pass, once again, we hear that same old chestnut: Thems was ascared!
Though many Democratic leaders opposed the final version of the legislation, they did not work forcefully to block its passage, largely out of fear that they would be criticized by President Bush and Republican leaders during the August recess as being soft on terrorism.The irony that no one ever bothers to point out being, once again, that in caving to the bullying Bushies because of that threat, the Dems prove they really are soft on terrorism—the terrorism that's been emanating from the White House for the last six years.
The Bush administration has spent every day since September 11, 2001 making sure that we are a phobic nation, paralyzed with fear and thusly complacent and compliant. They terrorized us into supporting an unnecessary war with mendacious imagery of mushroom clouds and dirty bombs, terrorized us into reelecting them in 2004 with politically-timed terror warnings, terrorized us into going along with whatever subversion of our Constitution the Bush administration suggests is necessary to protect us, terrorized us into giving up our rights and freedoms and conferring upon the executive branch an unprecedented centralization of power.
And the stupid, craven fear of being seen as “soft on terror” has made most Democrats go along with this coup by a thousand cuts every step of the way. Even now, even after having won a Congressional majority last November with the people's mandate to stand up to the Bush administration and the GOP, they still cower and genuflect at the feet of a lame duck of a president who sits atop a crumbling throne. Pathetic.
I’ve no doubt that a Democratic leadership would be better for fighting the brand of terrorism incessantly invoked by the Bush administration to cow us, but the Dems have proven themselves profoundly lacking in fighting the brand of terrorism that haunts us at home, that radiates from the top levels of our government and wrenches from our hands the liberty and principles that Bush’s “war on terror” is meant to defend. Too much time worrying about perceptions of their support for the War on Terror has left the Democrats hopelessly inept in fighting the War of Terror that continues to be waged in America.
And where has it gotten us?
At a tense meeting last week with lawyers from a range of private groups active in the wiretapping issue, senior Justice Department officials refused to commit the administration to adhering to the limits laid out in the new legislation and left open the possibility that the president could once again use what they have said in other instances is his constitutional authority to act outside the regulations set by Congress.Lucky, lucky us.
At the meeting, Bruce Fein, a Justice Department lawyer in the Reagan administration, along with other critics of the legislation, pressed Justice Department officials repeatedly for an assurance that the administration considered itself bound by the restrictions imposed by Congress. The Justice Department, led by Ken Wainstein, the assistant attorney general for national security, refused to do so, according to three participants in the meeting.
…“They were careful not to concede any authority that they believe they have under Article II,” [Brian Walsh, a senior legal fellow at the conservative Heritage Foundation who attended the same private meeting with Justice Department officials] said. “If they think they have the constitutional authority, it wouldn’t make sense to commit to not using it.”
Libby's got more.
Coming Home
There were about ten or twelve Air Force soldiers on my flight from Chicago to Toledo today. They were dressed in desert camouflage fatigues and all of them were probably no older than 25 years old, with the exception of a couple of NCO's. I overheard them talking to each other and some of the other passengers and learned that they were on their way home from Iraq, and this was the last leg of the trip. Most of them had been traveling for 48 hours or more, flying from Iraq through Europe, then Shannon, Ireland, Bangor, Maine, Chicago, and now home.
In spite of the long journey, they were all upbeat and joking among themselves. Well, of course; who wouldn't be? Looking forward to getting home to wives and family -- and visiting their favorite places like Tony Packo's, the Hungarian restaurant with the legendary Hungarian hot dogs, and Loma Linda, the best Mexican restaurant in the world and just a half-mile from the airport. But best of all, they were home.
When we arrived at Toledo Express Airport, the entire troop was greeted by shouts, cheers, balloons, banners, confetti, and not a few tears from the families at the bottom of the escalator outside the security zone. Local TV cameras were there covering the return, and the other passengers joined in the laughter and applause.
It doesn't matter whether you support the war in Iraq, and it does not matter what you think of the men who led us into this war. These young men did their job -- a dangerous and hard job -- not because they believe in a political outcome or they support the party who took us into war. They did their job because they are soldiers. They believe in what they do and they do it well. We ask them to bear a terrible burden and they do it under terrible conditions, and they do it well and with great dedication and good humor.
When the plane arrived at the gate, I stood up to get my briefcase out of the overhead, and then waited, like the rest, to go up the aisle. A soldier was waiting for a gap in the line, and I stopped and let him in. I said, "You've traveled a lot further than I did."
He smiled and said, "Thank you, sir."
I replied, "No. Thank you."
Cross-posted from Bark Bark Woof Woof.
The Virtual Pub Is Open
TFIF, Shakers!
Belly up to the bar and name your poison!
We've got everything on tap except Lysol...
Even the Optimistic Rug Couldn't Shake His Sense of Melancholy
Think Progress reports that the president was "unhappy about the way he was portrayed" by a style piece in the Austin American-Statesman which noted "he's opted to look more like 'Walker, Texas Ranger' than a sweaty, tough ranch hand" down at his Crawford mansion ranch. So upset was President Toughguy McBringemon when he read the article that he had White House Deputy Press Secretary Dana Perino call the reporter and make clear the president's displeasure.
is offended by being compared to this guy:
who, yes, looks dignified by comparison.
Minimal Comment Friday
1. Italian Town to Pay Residents to Lose Weight. Men get 50 euros for losing 9 lbs., women for losing 7. You get another 200 euros for keeping it off for 5 months.
I have to say, that's a ... creative approach. And at least it's using the carrot (so to speak) instead of the stick. [Note: Liss points out that it's actually using the carrot AND stick, as opposed to using an entirely different kind of stick to beat a person. She's completely right. She's also an annoying pedant.] I must admit there's even a part of me going, "Shit, I could lose 7 lbs. and keep it off for 5 months for $350." The question is, what's the fucking point? A) 7 lbs. isn't going to make a damn bit of difference to my health -- it'd barely make a difference to my pants size -- and B) just like everyone who diets for any reason, I would most likely be even fatter in five years. Seriously, this town doesn't have anything better to spend money on? Send it over here, y'all. The CTA could really use it.
2. The Institute for European Environmental Policy is calling for 'car exclusion zones' around schools, to force parents and children to get some walking in. I'm all for more walking (even though I think it's complete horseshit that this could "counteract a weight gain of up to two stone over a decade"), but has it occurred to people that maybe the reason more kids aren't walking to school is that there are no fucking sidewalks? I lived less than two miles from my elementary school, but that was in deepest suburbia, where the only route between my house and the school was on highways. (I walked home from high school once, because I'd missed the bus and couldn't get a ride, and it was friggin' terrifying. Crossing a 4-lane highway without a crosswalk or lights timed for pedestrians is not so fun.) Then we have the fact that we're constantly told there are pedophiles lurking behind every tree, just waiting to snatch up our! children! if we let them go anywhere alone. And the fact that, for some reason that completely escapes me, people seem to think it's child abuse to put their kids on a friggin' schoolbus these days.
But no, people drive their kids to school because they're lazy. Just like they let them play video games all day (which, btw, actually has zero correlation with obesity, according to Gard and Wright) because they're indulgent and neglectful, not because Oprah told them their kids could be taken at any minute from their own front yard! And, uh, forcing everyone to park off school grounds and walk their kids in is totally not going to create traffic problems or anything. Awesome idea, guys.
3. On a less headshaking note, the government of Ontario deserves kudos for putting money toward improving health care for fat people -- including making sure that hospitals have everything from large blood pressure cuffs on hand to doorways big enough to accomodate gurneys made for big people. The Toronto Star even deserves a small nod for acknowledging that this is an issue of dignity and human rights, not just of, "OMG, THE FATTIES ARE COSTING US MONEY!" There's a lot of the latter shit at the beginning of the article, but then you have this:
"This is a very sensitive population, they've been marginalized forever and you have to provide the kind of medical and psychological care in an environment that really meets their needs," [Arya] Sharma [scientific director for the Canadian Obesity Network] said.
"The program is based on the idea that obese patients deserve help for their medical condition just like patients who have any other kind of medical problem."
Zany concept, huh? (I won't even quibble about the "obesity as freestanding medical condition" issue. Focus on the "obese patients deserve help" part. We don't hear enough of that.)
Shakers, what else have you read (or written) about fat today?
Postings to come on Veterans for Peace events
Just returned from the Veterans for Peace addresses on sexual assault in the military. I'll be posting on the remarks made by LaVena Johnson's father, Dr. John Johnson - as well as some other material - over the weekend.
Incidentally: Today marked my first face-to-face meeting with Dr. Johnson. We chatted for a brief while before the speeches began. Issues of the day aside, he and the family are doing well. More to come.
(Cross-posted.)I'm a Self-Cleaning Oven
Mama Shakes just forwarded me a bunch of old adverts that are tres funny—doctors recommending cigarette brands and all that jazz. But the best one is the ad for Lysol Douche, about which Mama S. says: "Nothin' says lovin' like cleaning yourself like an oven!" Indeed. Personally, my favorite part is the spiderweb-themed narrative about stanky poon ruining their otherwise perfect marriage. Too much time washing the floors, not enough time washing the ladybits, I guess!
In doing a little research on this advert, I found some more old Lysol Douche ads (here and here, as examples), and the whole "he won't love you with that nasty snatch" seems to be a running theme. Of course, it takes a pretty compelling argument to convince women to scald their vaginas with a product also suitable for scouring floors.
[More on why not to douche. Or Why We're All Self-Cleaning Ovens.]
Duh of the Day: I'm a Lit Nerd
| What Be Your Nerd Type? Your Result: Literature Nerd Does sitting by a nice cozy fire, with a cup of hot tea/chocolate, and a book you can read for hours even when your eyes grow red and dry and you look sort of scary sitting there with your insomniac appearance? Then you fit this category perfectly! You love the power of the written word and it's eloquence; and you may like to read/write poetry or novels. You contribute to the smart people of today's society, however you can probably be overly-critical of works. | |
| Science/Math Nerd | |
| Social Nerd | |
| Musician | |
| Gamer/Computer Nerd | |
| Drama Nerd | |
| Artistic Nerd | |
| Anime Nerd | |
| What Be Your Nerd Type? Quizzes for MySpace | |
Via The Lizard Queen.
Where Are My SYTYCDancers?
On the off-chance that there's anyone who TiVoed the final of SYTYCD but hasn't watched it yet, and because I would feel like an enormous shit if I spoiled it for them, I'm putting this entire post under the fold. So only join me below (and in comments) if you aren't worried about spoilers.
"I can't take the smile off my face, and it's hurting so bad."
—Sabra Johnson, winner of So You Think You Can Dance
Okay, can we talk about how bloody excited I am that Sabra won? Going into the final, I was rooting equally for Sabra and Danny. Although I was rooting for Danny from Day One and want to lick the sweat off him every time I look at him, Sabra was my dark horse candidate who just kept growing on me. Not only is she a splendid dancer, but I'd love to just hang out with her and talk shit all day because she's hilarious. So, either way, I was going to be happy no matter who won. But I was in agreement with Nigel (and bless him for saying so) that it would be nice if a girl won, since guys won the first two times. And I found myself, the closer it drew to the end, hoping a little bit more for Sabra, maybe because I was figuring Danny had won it.
Anyway, in tribute to the lovely Ms. Johnson, here's a clip of one of my favorite performances of the entire season, with Neil.
And one last time, here's the runner-up Danny Tidwell, who dances so beautifully, he takes my breath away:
Last night, just as we were drifting off to sleep, Mr. Shakes said quietly, "I wish Pasha had won." It was the sweetest thing. I said, "Awwww," in the same voice you use when a puppy tumbles off the couch, looking adorable and pathetic all at once. "That's because he's the dancer you most want to be, isn't it?"
"Yeah," he said.
So, for Mr. Shakes, here's Pasha with winner Sabra, in the quickstep routine where Pasha's costuming prompted him to deem himself "Code Name: Sparklepants."
U.S. Diplomat Is Batshit Crazy
Diplomacy is the art and practice of conducting negotiations between representatives of groups or states. It usually refers to international diplomacy, the conduct of international relations through the intercession of professional diplomats with regard to issues of peace-making, trade, war, economics and culture. International treaties are usually negotiated by diplomats prior to endorsement by national politicians.In the case of Patrick Syring, a career diplomat for the last 20 years, diplomacy is the art and practice of losing your fucking mind while informing the other party of their assured contact with hellfire for all eternity.
During the Israel/Lebanon conflict last summer, the founder of the Arab American Institute, James Zogby, took issue with the lack of American leadership to protect its own citizens during the strikes. Syring stepped in to address this issue as diplomatically as possible:
"The only good Lebanese is a dead Lebanese. The only good Arab is a dead Arab."Sure, that's one way to handle it. Those 20 years of experience really came to fruition in some really mad diplo-skillz. Coincidentally, he retired last month. Yesterday, he was indicted for sending threatening communication, and for generally being a sick fuck. Once all is said and done, no one knows if Patrick will burn in hellfire for all eternity, but I think it's safe to say that he'll have a rather shitty retirement.
"You wicked evil Hezbollah-supporting Arabs should burn in the fires of hell for eternity and beyond."
"Arabs are dogs."
W Stands for Women
"The advance of women's rights and the advance of liberty are ultimately inseparable. … The policy of the American government is to stand for the non-negotiable demands of human dignity."—President George Bush, at a White House Celebration of International Women's Day, March 12, 2004.
"They all say we have lost our way, but they never ask why we had to take this path. … I don't have money to take my kid to the doctor. I have to do anything that I can to preserve my child, because I am a mother."—Suha, a 37-year-old Iraqi woman, explaining why she is a prostitute.
"America will help women stand up for their freedom, no matter where they live."—President George Bush, at a White House Celebration of International Women's Day, March 7, 2006.
"There is a huge population of women who were the victims of war who had to sell their bodies, their souls, and they lost it all. It crushes us to see them, but we have to work on it and that's why we started our team of women activists."—Yanar Mohammed, head and founder of the Organization for Women's Freedom in Iraq.
"In the last two-and-a-half years, we have seen remarkable and hopeful development in world history. Just think about it: More than 50 million men, women and children have been liberated from two of the most brutal tyrannies on earth—50 million people are free. All these people are now learning the blessings of freedom."—President George Bush, at a White House Celebration of International Women's Day, March 12, 2004.
"[One woman] has sex while her three children are in the room, but she makes them stand in separate corners. … Most of the women that we find at hospitals [who] have tried to commit suicide [have been involved in prostitution]."—Basma Rahim, a member of the Organization for Women's Freedom in Iraq.
[All women's quotes taken from the article "Iraqi women: Prostituting ourselves to feed our children" at CNN today. Also see here, for information on sex trafficking and prostitution related to the massive Iraqi refugee problem.]
Breaking News! Attorney General Still a Fucking Liar
FBI Director's Notes Contradict Gonzales's Version Of Ashcroft Visit:
Then-Attorney General John D. Ashcroft was "feeble," "barely articulate" and "stressed" moments after a hospital room confrontation in March 2004 with Alberto R. Gonzales, who wanted Ashcroft to approve a warrantless wiretapping program over Justice Department objections, according to notes from FBI Director Robert S. Mueller III that were released yesterday.Does this story not tell us just about everything we need to know about the Bush administration? They were so insistent on subverting the law as fast as possible that they had to bother a "feeble, barely articulate, stressed" man in his hospital bed to the point they were banned from his room. And not just any man, but one of their colleagues, about whom you'd think they'd give a bit of a shit. But…no.
One of Mueller's entries in five pages of a daily log pertaining to the dispute also indicated that Ashcroft's deputy was so concerned about undue pressure by Gonzales and other White House aides for the attorney general to back the wiretapping program that the deputy asked Mueller to bar anyone other than relatives from later entering Ashcroft's hospital room.
Anyway, back to how Gonzo's a fucking liar:
Mueller's description of Ashcroft's physical condition that night contrasts with testimony last month from Gonzales, who told the Senate Judiciary Committee that Ashcroft was "lucid" and "did most of the talking" during the brief visit. It also confirms an account of the episode by former deputy attorney general James B. Comey, who said Ashcroft told the two men he was not well enough to make decisions in the hospital.Jesus. I mean, he's not just a little liar, either. Dude slings whoppers like they're going out of style.
…"We never had any intent to ask anything of him if we did not feel that he was competent," Gonzales testified, adding later: "Mr. Ashcroft talked about the legal issues in a lucid form, as I've heard him talk about legal issues in the White House."
