This question is based on my experience this weekend:
What was your Worst First Date Ever?
What started out as a pleasant dinner with a nice guy turned into a flashback to my graduate seminar in playwriting and dramaturgy, including a page-by-page critique of one of my plays. Suffice it to say it wasn't a romantic evening.
It wasn't my worst first date -- that's reserved for the guy who showed up on a motorcycle with his sister -- but it's in the top ten.
Question of the Day
The Barn Ultimatum
Yesterday, Mr. Shakes and I went to see an afternoon matinee of The Bourne Ultimatum. We've just been looking forward to this film forever and were totally excited, settling in with our hard-won concessions. I'd been busily trying to connect James Spader to Russell Crowe—because we're so beyond Bacon—in less than six steps (eventually I got: Spader to Susan Sarandon in White Palace, Sarandon to Michelle Pfeiffer in The Witches of Eastwick, Pfeiffer to Al Pacino in Frankie & Johnny, Pacino to Russell Crowe in The Insider—four steps!), so Mr. S offered to get the stuff. He had no problem acquiring his Raisinets and Pepsi, but when he asked for the bottle of water I'd requested, he was told they were "out of water."
Mr. S: You're oot oof water?
Dude at Counter: Yeah, sorry.
Mr. S: Let's think ootside the box. [pointing to cups] Grab oone oof thoose coops, [pointing to ice] fill it with ice, [pointing to tap] then add tap water, ookay? Great.
I got my water.
And just how I like it—with a twist of harrumphing about how stupid people are.
Anyway…so the film starts, and there's a big scratch on the print or something, causing big yellow lines to flicker down the screen over and over and over. We tried to ignore it for a few minutes, but it was un-ignorable, not least of which because other people around us were talking about it, so we got up and went out to tell the manager, who apologized and said there was nothing they could do about it. We asked for tickets to a later showing on another screen, which he gave us.
No one else complained. No one else left.
We were the only people who actually expected to get what we paid for, who didn't just sit and swallow the total bullshit of being offered a crappy, defective product for our money.
As we walked out to the car, I expressed my amazement that people who would sit in their seats and complain about the faulty film would nonetheless sit and watch it, resigned to their fates as if they didn't have a choice, don't have a voice. I said to Mr. Shakes, "This is why it's easy to sell the American electorate shitty wars on false pretenses."
"Fooking sheep," he muttered. "Silly, stupid sheep."
[BTW: The film is excellent. It's no surprise that Damon gets the best bang for his bosses' buck.]
Amazon.com and Animal Fighting
Minstrel Boy's got an important post I urge you to read about Amazon.com's policies on selling subscriptions to cockfighting magazines like The Feathered Warrior and The Gamecock, as well as dogfighting videos.
I'll also mention once again that the official bookseller of Shakesville is the amazing Women & Children First, and of course there's always Powell's Books, which has begun selling DVDs, too.
Lies and the Lying Liars
In the last few seconds, there's a clip from one of the episodes where Billo was talking about me (ref. "Christian hater" and "internet assassin").
Caption This Photo
Poland makes its case for designating "nutsmuggling" an official Olympic event.
[Via Michael K.]
Barf: Presser on Rove's Resignation
You know, when I read Mustang Bobby's post this morning, what I was really wondering was: But will Dubya and Karl still be bestest fwiends?! So I'm glad to get that cleared up.
I suppose it's too much to ask that when Bush said he'd be "on the road behind" Rove "here in a little bit" that he was referring to an imminent resignation of his own, rather than just fumblefucking through the last year and a half of his pathetic second term.
[Thanks for the video, Petulant.]
Femtertainment
1. Sneaky Feminism on the Teevee: Zuzu's got the goods on Kat von D's LA Ink.
2. Antidote to Torture Porn: Red Eye, posits Thea at Shameless, may be a contemporary feminist classic. I had the same thought when I watched the film, which I really enjoyed. And the fact that I adore both Rachel McAdams and Cillian Murphy was just a big old bonus.
3. Spudsy Might Have to Stop Hating Andy Samberg:
Andy Samberg dons a NOW shirt for
the Spike TV Guys Choice Awards in June.
Totally sincere:
You wore a National Organization of Women shirt to the Spike TV Awards —Right on. [Via Ann.]
I did! Thank you for noticing! I thought it would be funny, because obviously Spike TV is very in the opposite direction. You know, we were promoting the movie, and it was a good time with a lot of fun people we liked. We went and had fun, but you know, I'm from Berkeley, California, I can't go into that thing wholeheartedly. I had to put a little wink in somewhere to let everyone know back home that I hadn't gone all the way.
I was reading a feminism blog that was trying to decide whether you were sincere or ironic.
[laughs] Totally sincere.
"Designed Just for Women"
Tracey makes an amazing find at the grocery store:
I don't know about the rest of you gals, but my ears refuse anything unless it's pink and decorated with a butterfly. (Some other winged creatures, like Pegasus, are also acceptable.)
Note to self: Buy package of these so when telling personal space-invading men making lewd overtures to "go screw yourself in the ear," I've got a clever prop to hand out.
And Now For Something Completely Different...
Space Cowboy: "So, check out this headline - 'Gonzales visits Iraq to offer advice on legal system.'"
Melissa: "No way. That's not a real headline is it?"
Space Cowboy: "Yes, it really is."
Melissa: "You pinky-swear that it's not from The Onion?"
Space Cowboy: "Sho 'nuff. It's on ThinkProgress."
GOP YouTube Debate Back On
For November 28. Far enough in advance to avoid scheduling conflicts, one would hope. (That's the week after Thanksgiving, in case anyone was wondering.)
Mitt Romney is the only hold-out, presumably because his panties are still in a wad about the ignominious possibility of being asked a question by a snowman.
The snowman, by the way, is having none of it (and manages to get a dig at Romney for his "lighten up slightly" bullshit in the process):
Transcript: Hello, Mitt Romney. In preparing for the Republican YouTube debate, it's come to my attention that you feel answering a question from me would degrade the presidency. Lighten up slightly. From family snowman to family man, I hope you can appreciate that no one is more qualified to ask a question about global warming than a concerned snowparent. What if, on a hot summer day, there was a danger of your children melting into a puddle? I think you would agree, it is our duty as fathers to ensure that doesn't happen. I look forward to seeing you at the debate.
Thompson: Out!
Chris Cillizza reports this morning that former Wisconsin governor and huge douche Tommy Thompson has dropped out of the presidential campaign after coming in sixth in the GOP Iowa straw poll. In what has to be one of the best lines ever in such an item, Cillizza notes: "His departure has little to no impact on the race." Ha.
I'm a little disappointed, as this puts the kibosh on the Thompson-Thompson ticket I've been imagining.
Now my only hope for a fun GOP ticket is if Fred Thompson asks the twin conservative nutwitz running Poland, Lech and Jarosław Kaczyński, to be his collective running mate.
Fingers crossed!
Rove Resigns
Karl Rove is resigning from the White House effective August 31 according to an interview he gave Paul Gigot in the Wall Street Journal.
Why? To spend more time with his family, of course.
"I just think it's time," he says, adding that he first floated the idea of leaving to Mr. Bush a year ago. His friends confirm he had been talking about it with others even earlier. But Democrats took Congress, and he didn't want to depart on that sour note. He then thought he'd leave after the State of the Union, but the Iraq and immigration fights beckoned. Finally, Chief of Staff Josh Bolten told senior White House aides that if they stayed past a certain point, they were obliged to remain to Jan. 20, 2009.Trust me, Karl, we won't myth you at all.
"There's always something that can keep you here, and as much as I'd like to be here, I've got to do this for the sake of my family," Mr. Rove says. His son attends college in San Antonio, and he and his wife, Darby, plan to spend much of their time at their home in nearby Ingram, in the Texas Hill Country.
Mr. Rove doesn't say, though others do, that this timing also allows him to leave on his own terms. He has survived a probe by a remorseless special counsel, and lately a subpoena barrage from Democrats for whom he is the great white whale. He shows notable forbearance in declining to comment on prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald, who dragged him through five grand jury appearances. He won't even disclose his legal bills, except to quip that "every one has been paid" and that "it was worth every penny."
What about those who say he's leaving to avoid Congressional scrutiny? "I know they'll say that," he says, "But I'm not going to stay or leave based on whether it pleases the mob." He also knows he'll continue to be a target, even from afar, since belief in his influence over every Administration decision has become, well, faith-based.
"I'm a myth. There's the Mark of Rove," he says, with a bemused air. "I read about some of the things I'm supposed to have done, and I have to try not to laugh." He says the real target is Mr. Bush, whom many Democrats have never accepted as a legitimate president and "never will."
In the interview with Gigot, Mr. Rove has a sunny outlook for the war -- "Iraq will be in a better place" -- and that the nomination of Hillary Clinton will give the GOP a third term in the White House. Mr. Rove's prognostications for the 2006 elections -- aka "THE math" -- proved to be wrong, so perhaps one of the reasons he's leaving is because he's lost his touch and he's become a liability. Or perhaps, despite his spin to the contrary, he knows when to leave a sinking ship and he doesn't want to be around to take the blame when the last whimper is heard from this monumental failure of a presidency for the which he bears much of the responsibility.
How typical of him to slink off out of the bunker and leave the mess for someone else to clean up.
Cross-posted from Bark Bark Woof Woof.
News Flash: Chris Matthews Gives Me One More Reason to Barf
The Douchebagatron 6000 stopped waxing romantic about the manly smell of Fred Thompson long enough to leer at CNBC Street Signs' anchor Erin Burnett.
Chris Matthews: Could you get a little closer to the camera?
Erin Burnett: My— What is it? Is it [crosstalk] coming in strangely?
Matthews: Come in closer...no...come in...come in further...come in closer...really close.
Burnett: [leans in nervously] What are you, what are you doing?
Matthews: HA HA! Just kidding! You look great! Anyway, thank... Erin it's great to have...look at that look... You're great...
Burnett: I don't even know. I'm going to have to go look at the tape here. I'm in a strange location.
Matthews: [laughs] No, you're beautiful! I'm just kidding! I'm just kidding! You're a knockout! Anyways, thank you, Erin Burnett. It's all right getting bad news from you, even. Okay. Thanks for coming on Hardball.
RIP Merv Griffin
Merv and Charlie
Merv Griffin, pop culture architect and impresario, has died at age 82. He created a ton of shows we all know, including Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy! (with wife Julann), and he also, IIRC, wrote the inimitably recognizable Jeopardy! "think music." Griffin, John Colapinto once wrote in Rolling Stone, was "as American as processed cheese." That description was so perfect, I always remembered it.
Fare thee well, Merv.
UPDATE: Pam's got the goods on Merv's "quartre-sexuality." I'd forgotten about that, heh.
Harry Potter and the Last Page
I finished Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows last night. It came out about the way I expected it to.
For the sake of those of you who haven't finished or read it, I won't reveal any spoilers, but suffice it to say that yes, there are some beloved characters who do shuffle off this mortal coil.
I think that J.K. Rowling, in her own way, has given us a series of books that I would put on the shelf next to my collection of The Chronicles of Narnia and Swallows and Amazons. They have well-developed characters, fast-moving plots, and twists and turns that are both amazing yet fully credible within the context of the story, and the themes about life, love, sacrifice and loss are not too burdensome for the young readers or too treacly and simplistic for the adults.
Christopher Hitchens has a curmudgeonly yet polite review in the New York Times. (Note: it has some spoilers in it.) I agree with him that there were times when the plots moved so fast that even the characters were asking each other to explain what just happened, and as is typical in all of these books, there's a chapter at the end where someone has to patiently explain to Harry -- and us -- what really happened and all the loose ends get tied up. After all, the book was written for children and there always has to be a happy ending. The book doesn't end with "and they all lived happily ever after," but it's close.
Oh, and I will say that the fundamentalists who think that the series is somehow "anti-Christian" have never read the books, including this one, and even if they have, their reading comprehension and their ability to interpret fiction hasn't gone past Grade 4. So shut up, stick to your Left Behind drivel, and leave the rest of us in peace.
Cross-posted from Bark Bark Woof Woof.
Happy Birthday, Jack!
Happy birthday to youuuuuuu!
Happy birthday to youuuuuuu!
You look like a big stinking feminist ally who's probably just a big fag and is one of Liss' stupid dickless pussy-whipped lapdooooooooogs...
And you smell like one, too!
Happy Birthday, Jack Goff. We loves ya.
(((hug)))
Now bend over for your spanking, birthday boy!
Happy birthday to youuuuuuu!
You look like a big stinking feminist ally who's probably just a big fag and is one of Liss' stupid dickless pussy-whipped lapdooooooooogs...
And you smell like one, too!
Happy Birthday, Jack Goff. We loves ya.
(((hug)))
Now bend over for your spanking, birthday boy!
Friday Cat Blogging: Chez Cowboy
Moon (L) and Feather (R)
MeFi and LaVena
Today was the scheduled Waveflux wisdom tooth removal day, which meant that I'd likely have little coherent to say today about the case of LaVena Johnson (or anything else). Fortunately, the world is made up of other people. I'm very grateful to toma at MetaFilter for bringing LaVena's story to that community, and for the interest shown by other MeFi members. I've said more of a proper thanks at the LaVena blog, but wanted to mention it here, too.
And now I must go take another painkiller.
