I like Yglesias' idea.
The Pain. It is Too Great. I Must Leave.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that this FOX viewer can't understand the concept of linear time, or that FOX thought it was such a great "zinger," they just had to feature this quoted email, ridiculously blockheaded as it is. Chet has far more patience than I.
FOX News: We value teh stoopid.
McCain 
Gay Marriage
What's this? John McCain has suddenly reversed his position on gay marriage?!
"Today I announce that I have reversed my position and come out in full support of gay marriage...particularly marriage between passionate females."Wait a minute. Something sounds kinda suspicious about that. It's far too conceivably honest, for one thing.
Well, whaddaya know? Turns out that McCain's startling new announcement was just a little snarky payback for his campaign's thieving.
John McCain's people commandeered my world-renowned MySpace design template and did a few things wrong:
1. They did not credit me for the template, even though the template explicitly requested credit.
2. They used my own unmodified imagery, specifically for the "Contacting John McCain" table.
3. As if #2 wasn't bad enough, the McCain crew is actually pulling their image directly from my server on each page load. So every time someone visits the McCain MySpace page, my bandwidth is being used to deliver part of the page! Bad McCain!
…So, the only thing necessary to effectively commandeer McCain's page with my own messaging was to simply replace my own sample image on my server with a newly created sample on my server. No server but my own was touched and no laws were broken. The immaculate hack.
Abortion? The Iraq War? Probably too heavy to joke about. Gay marriage seemed like a more of a non-lethal subject to center the prank around.
So with a few minutes in Photoshop and a quick FTP, a new John McCain was born...
...and The Straight-Talk Express isn't just for straight people anymore.
snicker
Way to go, McCain. Your campaign just keeps getting better and better, dude.
Shaker Gourmet
The recipe this week comes from Shaker Chris of Exit Stage-Left:
Iowa Pork Chops with Maytag Blue Cheese Butter
For the blue cheese butter:
4 tablespoons (1/2 stick) unsalted butter, at room temperature
1 ounce Maytag Blue cheese, crumbled, at room temperature
1 tablespoon chopped toasted walnuts
1 tablespoon thinly slivered fresh basil
Coarse salt (kosher or sea) and freshly ground black pepper
For the pork:
4 bone-in pork loin chops (each about 1 1/4 inches thick and 8 to 10 ounces)
2 cloves garlic, cut in half crosswise
Coarse salt (kosher or sea) and freshly ground black pepper
1. Make the blue cheese butter: Place the butter and blue cheese in a mixing bowl and mash together with a fork. Stir in the walnuts and basil and season with salt and pepper to taste (add just a little salt; the cheese is already quite salty). The blue cheese butter can be kept refrigerated, covered, for 5 days or frozen for 3 months.
2. Set up the grill and preheat to high.
3. When ready to cook, rub both sides of each pork chop with a half clove of garlic, then season the chops generously with salt and pepper. Brush and oil the grill grate. Place the chops on the hot grate and grill until cooked through, 6 to 8 minutes per side. When ready to turn, the chops will be nicely browned on the bottom. To test for doneness, use the poke method; the meat should be firm but gently yielding. Or insert an instant-read meat thermometer sideways into a chop: The internal temperature should be about 160°F.
4. Transfer the grilled chops to a platter or plates and let rest for 2 minutes. Top each with a dollop of the blue cheese butter and serve.
A Waste of a Good Cock
Michael Savage is just dancing on the razor's edge of looneyville; ready to topple over any second into a new career as straightjacket model. Fresh off his yowling rant calling trans people "psychopaths," and referring to them as circus freaks in reference to a news story about a murdered transgender woman, he's done it again in another abhorrent attack. See, not only are trans people psychotic, they're also never going to be happy, they're all prostitutes, and (get this) they're the cause of the Columbine massacre.
No, really.
SAVAGE: The wages of sin are death. You're gonna cut off your willy, you're gonna walk around in women's clothes, you're gonna hook -- you're gonna wind up dead under a freeway, Johnson. It's not gonna be an HBO special about your travails, and how surgery made you a happy woman.But wait, there's more! Savage then goes on to spout:
I never understand these people. Guy is 55 years old, he had three children, he discovers there was a woman within, and he goes -- shots and hormones, three years of hormones, and live like a woman. And then you gotta dress like a woman for two years. And then they go to a psychopathic, sadistic doctor who does the thing for them. No more in Denmark -- I mean, the capital of it is somewhere in Colorado, of course, near Columbine. You wonder why the kids shoot each other there with black raincoats. *
And apparently it costs more to put a willy on than it does to take a willy off. I've always said if a city's gonna pay for this kind of insane self-mutilation, the least they could do is put a willy on ice. I mean, if they're taking a perfectly good willy off a guy, why throw it in the garbage? Put it on ice, save it for the next time one of these psycho women in the city wants to be willied, I mean wants to be a John when she's a Jane. Because it costs like 40 grand to put one on and 20 grand to take one off. I would say you can do a mean price of 30 grand if they could start saving the willies from these psychos. *You got all that? Apparently, the thing that's upsetting Savage the most about trans people (well, MTF, anyway) is that they're a waste of a good cock. Leaving aside his complete ignorance as to how sexual reassignment is done in the first place, this is just goofy. I mean, could Savage feel any more castration anxiety? Is it possible that one man's sexuality can be this threatened by people that have nothing whatsoever to do with him?
But that's a separate story. I'm into cost saving at all costs.Great. How about saving your breath?
* Emphasis by Media Matters, which I round appropriate and used. Thanks to Shakes for the perfect image; one of these days I really need to learn Photoshop.
"If you believe in peanut butter--You gotta believe in Peter Pan!"
A friend on a board I frequent found this via Richard Dawkins' site, amusingly titled "Peanut Butter, The Atheist's Nightmare!":
Chris added:
"See, I think this guy must be buying the wrong brand of peanut butter. Usually within a few days of opening a new jar, I find a thriving civilization of tiny people in the peanut butter, busily inventing the wheel and taming fire. After a week they usually have computers and nuclear fission.
Then I enjoy smearing their cities on a piece of bread and hearing their tiny screams as I devour them."
New Rule
Bill Maher has been increasingly difficult for me to watch lately—he's almost compulsively misogynistic and homophobic these days, as if to say "Fuck you for trying to make me PC," having lost all sense of the very real divide between "politically incorrect" and "just an asshole"—but last Friday's New Rules rant was spot-on. And he managed to do it without using any rape metaphors or describing conservatives doing something "in a gay way." Imagine that. At some point I hope he can realize that being funny and edgy, without ever resorting to fat jokes and tranny quips and protracted analogies like how the Bush administration reminds him of fucking an ugly woman, is not only possible, but actually a genuine accomplishment. Comedy's hard enough when you don't avoid the easy laughs. Those who accept and meet that challenge are The Real Thing.
Anyway, here's the video (and here's the transcript). "New Rule: Traitors don't get to question my patriotism."
Blogorhythmics
It's question time, Prime Minister. Actually, this query is for those Shakers who run blogs of their own.
- 1. Do you do most of your blogging at home, at work, or at some third space? (A coffee shop, perhaps, or a library. Or a genial tavern.)
- 2. Desktop or laptop?
- 3. Mac, Windows, or other?
- 4. Is your weblog a solo effort or a group blog?
- 5. Do you allow comments?
- 6. Do you allow trackbacks?
- 7. Do you have a blogroll?
- 8. What's your platform - Blogger, Movable Type, WordPress, TypePad, ExpressionEngine, Squarespace, Drupal...
- 9. Have you given serious thought to switching platforms; if so, why?
- 10. Who's your webhost?
- 11. Happy with your host, or looking for a change?
- 12. If GenericBigMediaConcern.Com offered you boxes of cash to have your blog incorporated into their online presence (ala Greenwald at Salon or Sullivan at The Atlantic), would you do it?
Hmp. Having asked the questions, I guess it's only polite to provide my own answers.
- 1. I have mostly blogged at work, though increasingly now at home due to...
- 2. A laptop, recently acquired, which allows me to use the computer without abandoning wife and cats.
- 3. Mac.
- 4. Solo.
- 5. Yes to comments.
- 6. No to trackbacks (defeated by spam).
- 7. Yes to blogroll.
- 8. Movable Type, which I like except when upgrade time comes around.
- 9. I only think about changing platforms during upgrade time.
- 10. LivingDot.
- 11. Very happy, especially as they did my MT upgrade for me last time around and solved a couple of problems for me. Cost a little money, but was worth it.
- 12. Urgh. That is, yes: assuming that this unlikely arrangement allowed me to run the blog more or less as I had before the assimilation.
(Anybody seeing double on the numbers in the lists above? I had some problems with the ordered list behavior.)
Best Wishes, Tony Snow
Constant Comment just emailed me with a sad note: Tony Snow's cancer has returned. "Tony Snow was off duty Monday to undergo exploratory abdominal surgery. The White House is now reporting that the surgery revealed that Snow's colon cancer has returned and metastasized into his liver. Snow had his colon removed in 2005, and White House spokeswoman Dana Perino said this morning that Snow is determined to 'beat' cancer again."
I hope he does. Obviously, liver cancer cancer in the liver is very serious, and he can use lots of good thoughts at the moment.
We're pulling for ya, Tony.
Well, This is Going to be Uncomfortable...
So, the radio alarm went off this morning, and while I was waiting for the husband to get out of the shower and petting the dog, I hear that good 'ol Gonzo is going to be visiting my gorgeous city today. "What," I thought, "could that weasel be doing in Chicago? Doesn't he have more important things to concern himself with back in Washington?"
Well, apparently, I forgot for a moment that it's all about the children. Gonzales is going to be touting "Project Safe Children," a program created in conjunction with other efforts to keep kids "safe from internet predators."
Given Gonzo's track record on keeping kids safe, and my general faith in "programs" created to keep kids "safe" from predators, let's just say that this news brought about more than a few snorts of scorn in Smart Patrol HQ this morning.
But here's the deeee-lish part of the story. Gonzo's going to be giving this appearance with the head of the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, and...
...wait for it...
Patrick Fitzgerald.
Oh. Mah. Gawd.
Gonzales is scheduled to appear at the Dirksen U.S. Courthouse in Chicago to discuss the "Project Safe Childhood" campaign -- designed to protect kids from online predators -- with Fitzgerald and Ernie Allen, chief executive of the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children. But he's likely to face reporters' questions about Fitzgerald being ranked as undistinguished on a chart sent from his department to the White House in 2005, as well as the controversial fall firings of a group of U.S. attorneys.
Fitzgerald's ranking was reported last week in a Washington Post story.
The mediocre rating has been the subject of much joking among prosecutors, federal agents, defense lawyers and the media in the city, especially at the building where Fitzgerald has earned accolades for sweeping public corruption investigations.
Fitzgerald spoke out about the situation last week as his office was announcing yet another indictment against a one-time City Hall heavyweight.
"Oh, crap."
Pass the popcorn.
Althouse in the Middle of My Screen
So Ann Althouse completely flipped her shit in an episode of BloggingHeads. (C&L also has it here, and David Neiwert has a transcript of the relevant bit.)
Basically, after Althouse whined at TAPPED's Garance Franke-Ruta "Why don't liberals like me?" for what seemed like at least three hours but was probably less than three minutes, Franke-Ruta responded by suggesting it might have something to do with being an antifeminist twit who suggested Feministing-er and NARAL blogger Jessica Valenti was only invited to a Hillary Clinton campaign event because Bill Clinton wanted to meet her breasts. I mean her. Except Franke-Ruta didn't say it all snotty like that. She just called it "the whole, sort of, Jessica Valenti breast controversy." That's when Althouse went nutz in what Ezra calls "the Greatest BloggingHeads Performance of All Time! I wish I could keep it in my pocket for moments when I'm feeling blue." Me, too.
But let me back up for a moment and try to answer Althouse's question about why liberal bloggers don't like her, even though she's pro-choice and pro-gay marriage and voted for Bush in 2004. Oh—wait. Actually, maybe that last bit has something to do with why liberal bloggers don't like her. Supporting perhaps the most illiberal president America has ever seen, who thinks nothing of casually rescinding civil rights or trying to codify discrimination into the Constitution, might be one reason why she's not been embraced by the progressive blogosphere.
Spending much of the same segment in which she later goes haywire on a TAPPED blogger unleashing a torrent of whinging about how progressives inexplicably don't like her and how the progressive blogosphere is way more hateful and nasty than the conservative blogosphere might be indicative of another reason. She seems to fill her irony void with huge chunks of hypocrisy, which is a trait better suited to very particular outposts of the blogosphere—the ones still calling Bush the greatest president ever, for instance. And Althouse appears to judge the "sides" of the blogosphere not by how hateful and nasty they are full-stop, but by how hateful and nasty they are to her. Conservatives have been more willing to embrace her; ergo, they are intrinsically nicer and better behaved.
And then there's Althouse's style, about which Ezra muses, "What I assume she considers a playful, ironic approach to politics has always struck me as superficial and Maureen Dowd-ish, and I don't enjoy it." Mm-hmm. What really irks me, though, is not that she is superficial and catty and shallow, but that she so desperately pretends to be something more. It's a "law blog," you see. Right in the header is Slate's description of her as "formidable law blogger Ann Althouse." And the thing is, on her front page right now (which includes almost a week of posts) is very little law blogging. Clearly, I'm not against eclecticism—my criticism is about using any perceived gravitas conferred by her law background to mask the reality that her blog often lacks substance and seriousness. Personally, I prefer mitigating substance and seriousness with silliness. You know, a spoonful of sugar, bitchez! Ahem. Althouse, however, wants to give us a spoonful of medicine to make the sugar go down. And half the time, it's a placebo.
But ultimately, Althouse misses the point when she imagines that a few policy positions a conservative or progressive makes. Her wanting to know why progressives don't like her when she's pro-choice and pro-gay marriage is like my wondering why conservatives don't like me when I'm pro-fiscal responsibility and pro-religious freedom.
As it happens, I'm an old-fashioned conservative who believes in privacy rights—which is why I'm pro-choice, support same sex marriage, believe drugs should be legalized, and endorse right to die policies...and that makes me a modern progressive. I'm an old-fashioned conservative who believes that everyone can help themselves, given equal opportunities—which is why I support well-funded schools, equal educational opportunities everywhere in America, a strong social safety net, workers' rights, reforming all-or-nothing welfare, jobs programs, and affirmative action until we don't need it anymore...and that makes me a modern progressive. I'm an old-fashioned conservative who believes in family values—which is another reason I'm pro-choice (or, pro-family planning, along with comprehensive sex education) and another reason I support same-sex marriage, along with same-sex parenting, adoption, and fostering, and I support family-first legislation for working parents and elder-care providers, including extended leave for births and deaths and illness, and I relatedly support universal healthcare...and that makes me a modern progressive. Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. It's obvious why the conservative blogosphere doesn't welcome me as a modern conservative.
And it probably ought to be equally obvious to Ann "Jessica should have worn a beret. Blue dress would have been good too" Atlhouse why the progressive blogosphere doesn't welcome her as a modern progressive, either. But that's substantive. Not sugar.
Question of the Day
You get to clone any one member of Congress and replace another member of Congress with the clone. (And, naturally, we're talking about 1950's sci-fi cloning, where the clone is an exact replica—same age, same personality, all that stuff.)
Whom do you clone, and whom do you replace?
Quote of the Day
"Each day brings new developments making it even more imperative to find out what happened." — Senator Chuck Schumer (D-NY), commenting on Monica Goodling's decision to plead the fifth in regard to her role in Attorneygate.
Sanjaya Must Be Stopped
Last week millions of nervous Americans gathered around their televisions to see if Sanjaya Malakar, the 17-year-old Indian-American contestant with the face of an angel and the voice of…something else, would finally be kicked off of American Idol. But once again Sanjaya defied all expectations and common sense and survived another round in the contest that defines this country as much as Nascar, the Superbowl, presidential elections and monster trucks. It is finally time to acknowledge that the inexplicable and frightening Sanjaya juggernaut has reached crisis proportions and something must be done about it before it is too late.
Sanjaya seems like a nice kid and his singing is really no worse than many pop stars, including American Idol judge Paula Abdul herself. But this is not a small-town talent show we are talking about, it is American Idol, the number one show in the country, and increasingly people around the world are asking themselves, What is wrong with American voters? Have they gone completely insane to vote for someone who is clearly so incompetent and dim-witted and has gotten as far as he has on little more than charm and luck?
"He stunk less than usual," said perplexed conservative pundit Dean Barnett. "One thing that all us Sanjaya-bashers should understand -- there's something about this nice but creepy young man that appeals to a lot of people." Remarked Dr. Steven Taylor: "All of this may indicate that it is a good thing that young folks don't vote en masse in US elections." Blogger and sitcom writer Ken Levine lamented, "Sanjaya is now just humiliating himself every week. This is like when people dress up their dogs."
The Anchoress zeroed in on why the continued success of Sanjaya is so worrisome for our image abroad. "Is it just me or is there a dearth of "manly men" everywhere in pop culture?" she wondered, giving us a glimpse into the thought processes of a cloistered woman who has the time and solitude to contemplate the deepest mysteries of life. "All the men seem to be feminized or wispy-looking…on the radio they all sound like they're 16 years old…whatever happened to manly men in pop music?" If the unthinkable happens and Sanjaya actually wins the competition, what are terrorists going to think of the United States? Will the "feminized" image of Sanjaya displace the swaggering machismo of our President landing on that aircraft carrier in the minds of those who would destroy us? Or perhaps they see us as a nation of crying little girls like the one who was overwhelmed by Sanjaya's performance of the Kinks' "You Really Got Me."
Although it may be true that the little girls understand the charms of Sanjaya, the rest of us are completely in the dark. Theories abound to explain Sanjaya's surprising victories, which may actually have been engineered by our enemies to weaken us. Some believe that Sirius Radio shock jock Howard Stern, who long ago demonstrated his disloyalty to this country when he turned against President Bush, has aided and abetted Sanjaya's success by throwing his support behind the teenager. That theory, however, assumes that Sirius Radio actually has listeners. Others speculate that Indian calling centers have been voting en masse for Sanjaya. "We took away your jobs by dangling better profit margins in the face of your companies and now -- now, we're going to take American Idol!" ominously intoned Indian-American critic Amrita Rajan, whose immigration status should probably be looked into. I don't think I need to point out that Osama bin Laden is hiding in that part of the world and he may even be behind the apparent hijacking of the American Idol vote.
Even more shocking, Vote For the Worst, a website that proudly proclaims to be dedicated to destroying American Idol and possibly our way of life, has been urging its visitors to vote for Sanjaya. "Votefortheworst.com was started in 2004 to support voting for the entertaining contestants who the producers would hate to see win on American Idol," the site explains. "Vote for the Worst encourages you to have fun with American Idol and embrace its suckiness by voting for the people who the general public and the producers are rooting against." Many Americans are understandably outraged. "Thousands of Americans are giving their lives for our country right now," wrote a visitor named Katie. "America is free because of them, and I don't think our founding fathers would see this website as an intelligent use of our democracy. For all those voting for Sanjaya, please don't be ignorant, and remember what is REALLY important in our world and make a difference by helping those who are helping our country."
Katie is right. Our soldiers are fighting in Iraq so that Americans can stay at home and watch America's best and brightest young talents entertain us on television, not to be subjected to the cynical electoral manipulations of those who mock the principles and ideals this country was founded on. Disturbing images of out-of-tune singers on our televisions could have a devastating effect on the morale of our citizens. And imagine if Americans embraced the philosophy of voting for the worst candidate in presidential elections! It's almost too horrible to think about.
Some patriotic Americans are trying to do something to stop Sanjaya. A young California woman has gone on a hunger strike until Sanjaya is voted off and others have joined her. While it is gratifying to know that some Americans have their priorities straight, I'm afraid her well-meaning effort is the wrong approach. A hunger strike is actually an un-American tactic, one that is embraced by leftists and the terrorists at Guantanamo.
Perhaps Fred Thompson, who recently attacked Gandhi, will tackle this even more dangerous menace from the subcontinent. But I think there may only be one solution to the Sanjaya crisis: Intervention by the Supreme Court. They should step in immediately to stop the voting and kick Sanjaya off the show. There is, of course, precedent for the Court's taking action when votes seem to be going the wrong way: the landmark Bush v. Gore decision. In fact, I think the Court should have stepped in earlier to prevent Sanjaya from making it into the Top Ten, which means that he will now go out on the American Idol tour, prolonging America's Tiger Beat nightmare. If the Supreme Court stepped in, it would provide a valuable lesson to nascent democracies in places like Iraq about the limits that sometimes must be placed on voting for the good of the country. And it would reverse some of the damage that has already done to our image abroad before it is irreparably destroyed.
Crossposted at Jon Swift
Oof
Monica Goodling, a senior Justice Department official involved in the firings of federal prosecutors, will refuse to answer questions at upcoming Senate hearings, citing Fifth Amendment protection against self-incrimination, her lawyer said Monday.Dear President Bush,
...The White House, meanwhile, continued to stand by Attorney General Alberto Gonzales despite new calls over the weekend for his resignation and documents that indicate he may have been more involved in the dismissals than he has previously acknowledged.
...Goodling was Gonzales' senior counsel and White House liaison until she took a leave of absence earlier this month. She was subpoenaed last week by the Senate Judiciary Committee along with several of Gonzales' other top aides.
That's why oaths matter.
Love,
Shakespeare's Sister
[Thanks to Blogenfreude for the heads-up.]
Your Moment of Zen
Via Recon.
UPDATE: I told you that 300 was the hottest gay porn ever.
Thanks to Comandante Agi.
Also: The always brilliant John Rogers has a great review of 300 that pretty much sums up my feelings about it exactly. "But what surprised me the most, while watching the movie, and remembering the love heaped upon it by right-wingers ... 300 is startlingly anti-American. [...] That said, I liked the movie. But I went in with different needs. I don't need or want a king, or metaphors to help me convince my fellow citizens that another Great War is upon us, that we're just as special as the Greatest Generation and it's time to send more under-armed Tennessee National Guardsmen to fight Xerxes while I cash my think-tank check. I just needed two hours of entertainment. 300 got that job done." Totally. But definitely go read the whole thing.
And Minstrel Boy has a different take. I don't disagree with him; [SPOILER WARNING] I just, like John, went in with different needs, one of which was not "I need to see perhaps the greatest rape avenge scene ever committed to film," so, hey—I also got to be pleasantly surprised.
For the Children
Remember how Alberto Gonzales said last week that he wasn't going to resign because he was "going to stay focused on protecting our kids"? Well, looks like he was doing a real bang-up job of kid-protecting.
Attorney General Alberto Gonzales and U.S. Attorney Johnny Sutton, both already under siege for other matters, are now being accused of failing to prosecute officers of the Texas Youth Commission after a Texas Ranger investigation documented that guards and administrators were sexually abusing the institution's minor boy inmates.Among the reasons a letter from Bill Baumann, assistant U.S. attorney in Sutton's office cited for declining to pursue an investigation were that "None of the victims have claimed to have felt physical pain during the course of the sexual assaults which they described" and "Although none of the victims admit that they consented to the sexual contact, none resisted or voiced any objection to the conduct. Several of the victims suggested that they were simply 'getting off' on the school administrator." Nice.
Among the charges in the Texas Ranger report were that administrators would rouse boys from their sleep for the purpose of conducting all-night sex parties.
…The Texas Youth Comission controversy traces back to a criminal investigation conducted in 2005 by Texas Ranger Brian Burzynski. The investigation revealed key employees at the West Texas State School in Pyote, Texas, were systematically abusing youth inmates in their custody.
Burzynski presented his findings to the attorney general in Texas, to the U.S. Attorney Sutton, and to the Department of Justice civil rights division. From all three, Burzynski received no interest in prosecuting the alleged sexual offenses.
I would say take this with a grain of salt, because it's from World Net Daily, except I just watched a bunch of the testimony here, and the story appears to be accurate.
[H/T Pam.]
A Convenient Falsehood
Even after getting tossed out on their asses, they still can't bare to stay away. For starters, the MSM still manages to give Tom Delay the time of day, even when he lies about the contents of his own book. Next up, dog-lover Rick Santorum.
Rick is planning to enter the world of documentaries as a conservative voice to counter the likes of Al Gore and Michael Moore. Here's a look at Rick's master plan, via TPMCafe:
According to the Morning Call, Santorum is planning as an hour-long work that will "explore the relationship between radical Islam and the radical leftists in various countries around the world, including Latin America." The second, Santorum says, would be a more ambitious project to "change the culture of America."
Actually, Rick, the second project is already underway to change America's "culture of obedience." Thanks anyway.
(Cross-posted at Pure and Easy)
