Sit on it.
Question of the Day
Ref. Spudsy's and my recent phone conversation, what food or dish do you love so much you would totally fuck it?
(Figuratively, of course. Although, whatever happens between you and your food is not for me to judge...)
Quotes of the Day
"I'm a realist because I understand how tough it is inside of Iraq." — President Bush, giving pause even to those who expect him to say stupid shit.
"In his first week in office he’d probably link Microsoft Virtual Earth to the government’s spy satellites so you can look for Osama yourself." — Scott Adams, making his case on behalf of Bill Gates 4 Pres (via NewMexiKen).
Al Gore: The GQ Interview
"There are a significant number of people who appear not to know or care that I was Vice President of the United States, but who are very tuned into the fact that I uttered the immortal line, 'I have ridden the mighty moonworm'." — Al Gore, on reprising his role as a disembodied head in the upcoming Futurama feature film.
The rest of his interview with GQ is below the fold. And seriously, whether you like Gore or not, read it—just for his rant about Bush’s failure alone.
You look great.
Uh, thanks.
I like the, you know, broader look.
[laughs] That’s soooo nice of you to say. (to staff) I’d like a Heineken, if you have one.
Can I ask you something? What’s with the Regency Hotel and you guys? John Kerry and Teresa stay here, Evan Bayh, all the big Dems.
You know, I started this years ago…
Do they keep a set of clothes here for you?
No! I wish I could.
They keep Larry King’s clothes here for him.
They do? Where? Now, that is something I did not know.
There’s something you did not know? Incredible. Is there a burden to being so smart?
That’s the exact converse of, “When did you stop beating your wife?” There’s no way to answer a question like that without seeming pompous and conceited. I have a battery-powered hubris alarm on my belt. And it’s set on vibrate, and it’s going crazy.
So, did you ever think your movie would be this successful?
Noooooo. You know, I hoped it would be. But I had questions about whether it would really be possible to turn a slide show into a movie.
And a slide show by Al Gore! Isn’t it interesting how, throughout the 2000 campaign, the media beat you up, calling you wooden and robotic and all that, but somehow you had the charisma to carry a movie?
[laughs] Well, I have always had close friends say, during those political years, “Why don’t they see you the way we see you?”
Yeah, why is that?
I think one part of it is, in a campaign, there is an adversarial context. Your opposition is constantly painting negative caricatures. And also, the audience—or, the voters—are naturally looking at you through a more skeptical lens. And that’s not all bad. But that’s a different lens than the one used by people watching this movie.
It’s funny. You constantly hear people say, “If only he were the way he was in the movie, he’d have been president.” Does that drive you crazy?
No! No, I appreciate that.
Do you agree?
Well, I certainly take my share of whatever blame is to be apportioned for not having more skill as a communicator. Maybe there are some things in politics I’m just not good at.
So if you decide to run, do you think we would see the Al Gore from the movie? Or the Al Gore from 2000?
Well, I don’t plan to run. I don’t plan to run. And I don’t expect to run.
How many times a day does somebody ask you this?
Well, I’m doing a lot of interviews and it’s on the list of questions. For every one of them. And I appreciate that. I appreciate that people think enough of me still in that world to ask that question. It’s true that I haven’t, uh, gotten to the point where I am willing to completely rule it out for all time. But, that is really more a matter of the internal shifting of gears. I’m not making plans to run again.
But you’re not ruling it out?
Uh… no. [smiles]
Do you know if President Bush has seen the movie yet?
Well, he claimed that would not see it. That’s why I wrote the book. He’s a reader.
What page do you think he’s on?
I would encourage him to see the movie and read the book. I wish that he would.
Don’t you find it appalling that he won’t?
Well, you know, he’s probably no more objective about me than I am about him.
So have you been offered any other movie parts?
Yes! I actually just performed a voice-over role in a movie last week. I am reprising my role as a disembodied head in Futurama, which is being made into a movie. There are a significant number of people who appear not to know or care that I was Vice President of the United States, but who are very tuned into the fact that I uttered the immortal line, “I have ridden the mighty moonworm.”
And that’s so much more important. So do you think you’ll get an Oscar nomination?
For the disembodied head?
For An Inconvenient Truth.
Well, I think the movie deserves one. I’m not eligible; the movie is. But I don’t want to jinx it by talking about it.
Do you think you have ever been more popular?
Ahhhh. I think non-candidates are inherently more popular than candidates.
What is your relationship with the Clintons like now?
Good. Fine. Uh, I saw him today. We see them every once in a while.
Do you like her?
Sure. We worked together for 8 years, and uh, I think she’s, uh… very capable.
Could she win?
I’m not gonna get drawn into speculation about the potential candidates in 2008.
Okay, then let me ask you this. If you had to have a drink with someone tonight, and it was Bill or Hillary, you couldn’t pick both but you had to pick one, whom would you pick?
Well, Bill doesn’t drink.
Are you sure?
I’m pretty sure, yeah. So, if that were the criterion, to have a drink with them and she’s the only one that does, then it would be her. You know, it’s not the same now as it was, of course. A lot of water under the bridge. But we have been through a lot together and I wish them both well.
Do you want your daughter Karenna to go into politics?
I want her to do what she wants to do. I think her judgment is so good, and if she were to decide to go into politics, she would be soooo good. If I had half of the skills that she has, I would definitely be in my second term as president right now.
What does she have that you don’t have?
Perfect pitch.
Okay, on to 9-11. What were you really feeling? Was there a part of you that felt a sense of relief that you weren’t in charge that day?
You mean a sense of relief that I didn’t have to deal with it? Oh no. Not at all. Not for one second. Not for one second. Why would I? I mean, well first of all, it just didn’t occur to me to feel anything like that. What did occur to me was to feel what every American felt, the outrage and anger and righteous anger, and support for the President at a time of danger… And, honestly, I was focused on the reality of the situation. And I wasn’t president, so, you know, it wasn’t about me. Now, I do wish, now that we have some distance from the events, and we have all this knowledge about what this administration did do, I certainly feel that I wish that it had been handled differently, and I do wish that I had somehow been able to prevent some of the catastrophic mistakes that were made.
Do you feel that we would be safer today if you had been president on that day?
Well, no one can say that the 9-11 attack wouldn’t have occurred whoever was president.
Really? How about all the warnings?
That’s a separate question. And it’s almost too easy to say, “I would have heeded the warnings.” In fact, I think I would have, I know I would have. We had several instances when the CIA’s alarm bells went off, and what we did when that happened was, we had emergency meetings and called everybody together and made sure that all systems were go and every agency was hitting on all cylinders, and we made them bring more information, and go into the second and third and fourth level of detail. And made suggestions on how we could respond in a more coordinated, more effective way. It is inconceivable to me that Bush would read a warning as stark and as clear [voice angry now] as the one he received on August 6th of 2001, and, according to some of the new histories, he turned to the briefer and said, “Well, you’ve covered your ass.” And never called a follow up meeting. Never made an inquiry. Never asked a single question. To this day, I don’t understand it. And, I think it’s fair to say that he personally does in fact bear a measure of blame for not doing his job at a time when we really needed him to do his job. And now the Woodward book has this episode that has been confirmed by the record that George Tenet, who was much abused by this administration, went over to the White House for the purpose of calling an emergency meeting and warning as clearly as possible about the extremely dangerous situation with Osama bin Laden, and was brushed off! And I don’t know why—honestly—I mean, I understand how horrible this Congressman Foley situation with the instant messaging is, okay? I understand that. But, why didn’t these kinds of things produce a similar outrage? And you know, I’m even reluctant to talk about it in these terms because it’s so easy for people to hear this or read this as sort of cheap political game-playing. I understand how it could sound that way. [Practically screaming now] But dammit, whatever happened to the concept of accountability for catastrophic failure? This administration has been by far the most incompetent, inept, and with more moral cowardice, and obsequiousness to their wealthy contributors, and obliviousness to the public interest of any administration in modern history, and probably in the entire history of the country!
But how do you really feel?
(cracks up)
What’s the nicest thing you can say about George Bush?
He made a terrific appointment of Ben Bernanke as chairman of the Federal Reserve.
Ok, Is there a second best thing?
I can’t think of another one, actually.
When you see the state things are in now, don’t you feel an obligation to run?
Well, I don’t think I have to apologize for devoting my life to trying to solve the most serious challenge our civilization’s ever faced. But I do understand the nature of the question, and as I said, I haven’t completely ruled it out. It’s just that I don’t expect to—and I don’t really believe that that is necessarily the best use of my skills and experience. [sticks his tongue out and crosses his eyes]
Do you like yourself more now? Do you have more fun now?
Well, you know the old Kris Kristofferson song that Janis Joplin made famous, “Me and Bobby McGee”? It has a great line: Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose. There’s some aspects of that involved here.
What kind of freedom do you feel now that you didn’t feel when you were running?
You know my all time favorite Onion headline—you read The Onion?—sometime in the summer of 2001, the lead story on the front page had a picture of Tipper and me, and the headline was, “Gores Enjoying Best Sex of Their Lives.” And she said, “How did they know?”
Do you have any advice on keeping a marriage together?
I think basically Tipper is the key to it.
Really?
Yeah. Love is such a complicated force, I don’t have the words to speak intelligently about it. I don’t even want to try to universalize what feels true to me, because everybody’s different and—
Yeah, but you know what? A lot of people are real different. You’re devoted. People look at you two and you never wonder if there’s anything stupid going on. What is it about you two?
Well, I think that communicating clearly, and making intelligent decisions about the time that you set aside for one another, not time with you and your spouse and the entire family. That’s also very important, but it doesn’t count in that category of time you need for the relationship itself. Communicating clearly, emotionally, spiritually, intellectually. That’s just really important. And if you need help, get help.
Have you been to therapy?
We went in the aftermath of our son’s accident. We had family therapy. And you know, Tipper has a graduate degree in psychology, and she has had a fairly intensive psychiatric practice for 40 years—with one patient. I’m seriously not joking when I say the secret is mostly her. She’s just an amazing partner in life.
What’s the last really romantic thing you did for her?
I made her an iTunes list that communicated things that are important.
What was on it?
That’s too personal.
How often do you think about 2000?
Uhhhh… (feigned shock) The 2000 election?
Yes, that little tiny thing that happened in American history.
I’d almost forgotten! Oh, gosh.
You are so much more relaxed now. I think you’re having more fun this way.
Um, compared to what?
To being a candidate.
Gee, how could anything be more fun than that?
We Know the Feeling
Villagers Call For Action Against Marauding Elephants:
Thousands of residents in Indonesia’s Aceh province threatened to occupy the local parliament unless something is done about wild elephants attacking their villages, a report said.Someone send Howard Dean over there to organize a 50 Village Strategy to solve the wild elephant problem.
All jokes aside, the all-too-familiar situation there is really sad, since elephants are wandering into residential areas because their natural habitat has been reduced by deforestation. So now elephants are being killed even though they’re a protected species. Problem is, it doesn’t do much good to protect a species if you’re not going to preserve a place for them to live.
News from Shakes Manor
On the Phone with Spud Edition
Tuesday, 6pm: The phone rings and Mr. Shakes picks it up, looking at the caller ID.
Mr. Shakes: I think it’s Miller. Noo…maybe it’s Paul. Oor maybe Miller.
Shakes: Just answer it!
Mr. Shakes: Ooh, right. Helloo?
It’s Paul the Spud. The two lads speak for a bit and then Mr. Shakes passes me the phone. Spudsy and I spend an inordinate amount of time speaking about crock pot recipes.
Shakes: You would totally love this chili.
Paul the Spud: Is it good enough to make me want to pull down my pants and sit in a big bowl of it?
Shakes: This chili’s so good you’ll want to pull down your pants and fuck it!
Mmm chili.
A Cry for Help
Disguised as a Presidential Proclamation:
Methamphetamine is a powerfully addictive drug that dramatically affects users' minds and bodies. Chronic use can lead to violent behavior, paranoia, and an inability to cope with the ordinary demands of life. Methamphetamine abusers can transform homes into places of danger and despair by neglecting or endangering the lives of their children, spouses, and other loved ones.Someone’s trying to tell us he has a problem. The most compassionate thing to do is impeach him and send him to rehab tout de suite.
In all seriousness, Bush’s proclamation of a “National Methamphetamine Awareness Day” while methampethamine use continues to increase rapidly, quite literally destroying whole communities in America, is an absolutely classic Bush administration response to a serious issue. You can almost hear one of Bush’s less popular domestic advisors cautiously mentioning that meth is, uh, ya know, sort of a gigantic fucking problem and that, uh, gee, Mr. President, maybe we should, like, do something about it. And so “National Methamphetamine Awareness Day” was born.
I originally posted this in July 2005:
Many of Bush’s most fervent supporters love to see Bush as Ronald Regan’s heir apparent—a straight-talkin’, no-nonsense cowboy who draws a hard line when dealing with perceived external threats to Americans and who isn’t afraid to claim both God and the flag for his own. Never did the comparisons flow so freely as when Reagan died last year, and while the Right waxed rhapsodic about the man who carried on their torch, the Left drew unflattering comparisons between the two administrations’ soaring deficits, cynical pandering to conservative evangelicals, and ignoring of a deepening AIDS crisis—Reagan’s blind eye turned to America; Bush’s to Africa.
Reading Newsweek’s cover story of their August 8 issue this morning, “America’s Most Dangerous Drug,” I realized that there was yet another comparison that begged to be made. As Reagan spent much of his administration ignoring (and, indeed, exploiting) the chronic problem of cocaine and crack use in America, his best stab at combating the problem an ineffectual campaign summed up in three words: Just Say No, Bush steadfastly insists on making marijuana the centerpiece of his war on drugs, while methamphetamine ravages America from sea to shining sea.
The dubious hook upon which the administration hangs its dogged focus on marijuana is the oft-cited assertion that pot is a gateway drug, even though studies have shown convincing evidence to the contrary.
The Bush administration has made marijuana the major focus of its anti-drug efforts, both because there are so many users (an estimated 15 million Americans) and because it considers pot a "gateway" to the use of harder substances. "If we can get a child to 20 without using marijuana, there is a 98 percent chance that the child will never become addicted to any drug," says White House Deputy Drug Czar Scott Burns, of the Office of National Drug Control Policy. "While it may come across as an overemphasis on marijuana, you don't wake up when you're 25 and say, 'I want to slam meth!' " But those fighting on the front lines say the White House is out of touch. "It hurts the federal government's credibility when they say marijuana is the No. 1 priority," says Deputy District Attorney Mark McDonnell, head of narcotics in Portland, Ore., which has been especially hard hit. Meth, he says, "is an epidemic and a crisis unprecedented."Meth users are flooding into American rehab programs and jails; so pervasive in the problem in some areas that local newspapers are beginning to run meth round-ups. The Mail Tribune in Jackson County, Oregon compiles weekly local meth stats to demonstrate the effects of meth on the community. The July 6 edition includes:
Arrests — Nine people were arrested last week and lodged in the Jackson County Jail on meth-related charges. Seven were arrested for possessing meth; one was arrested for possessing, manufacturing and delivering meth; and one was arrested for possessing meth and manufacturing and delivering the controlled substance within 1,000 feet of a school. Four arrests were in conjunction with other criminal charges.Meth babies are the new crack babies, as 40% of child-welfare officials surveyed by the National Association of Counties reported an increase in out-of-home placements last year due to meth. Social services, law enforcement agencies, and drug rehabilitation programs struggle mightily against a lack of resources to combat the exploding problem of methamphetamine use, related crime, and meth manufacture, the latter of which is also of grave concern for the environment, with five pounds of toxic waste resulting for every pound of meth produced.
[…]
Child welfare — The local child welfare office of the state’s department of human services removed 12 children from six homes last week and placed them into protective custody, in part, due to meth use in the family.
While these problems exponentially multiply in every region of the country, from rural areas to urban centers, the Bush administration drags its feet:
The drug czar's office hasn't made any legislative proposals, or weighed in on any of those coming from Capitol Hill; officials there say they want to get a better sense of what works before throwing their weight around. Members of Congress whose districts have been ravaged by the drug are forcing the issue: the ranks of the House's bipartisan "meth caucus" have swelled from just four founding members in 2000 to 118 today, and the group has been fighting the administration's efforts to cut federal spending on local law enforcement.When the completely batshit insane Mark Souder sounds like the voice of reason, you know this is a serious, serious problem.
[…]
On the Hill last week, the deputy drug czar walked into a buzz saw, as members vented their frustration over his office's level of attention to the problem. "This isn't the way you tackle narcotics," said GOP Rep. Mark Souder of Indiana. "How many years do we have to see the same pattern at an increasing rate in the United States until there's something where we have concrete recommendations, not another cotton-pickin' meeting? ... This committee is trying desperately to say, 'Lead!' "
--------------
Nothing much has changed since then—except for the meth problem, which has gotten worse. Connecticut, Maryland, Massachusetts, New Jersey, and New York still have the lowest rates of meth users, as the meth phenomenon has largely swept west to east, but availability of meth along the East Coast is increasing. Legislation to strictly regulate purchases of over-the-counter pseudoephedrine-based cold medicines has, besides making allergy- and cold-sufferers’ lives more complicated, successfully reduced the number of small “Mom & Pop” meth labs, but that doesn’t address the demand for the drug—so there is increased drug trafficking from Mexican meth superlabs. Less local yokel production and distribution; more organized gang activity, as gangs get rich serving as middle men between drug cartels and street users. And no fewer users. In other words, the problem is just morphing, not going away.
And the best Bush has got is a Day of Awareness? Fuck. If child welfare agencies were removing an alarming number of children from homes due to violent video game use in the family, or wanton flag-burning in the family, we’d have a Constitutional amendment in no time and money for prevention would flow like Niagra Falls. But meth use? Eh. A Day of Awareness oughta do it.
The speed of meme
Remember that lame science experiment you performed in grade school? You know, the baking soda and vinegar volcano? "C minus," intoned your teacher, shaking her head. Well, here's your shot at redemption. Scott Eric Kaufman at Acephalous is attempting to impress the Modern Language Association by quantifying an answer to that age-old (actually, fairly new) question: What is the speed of meme?
People write in general (typically truimphant) terms about how swiftly a single voice can travel from one side of the internet to the other and back again, but how often does that actually happen? Of those instances, how often is it organic?Most memes, I'd wager, are only superficially organic: beginning small, they acquire minor prominence among low-traffic blogs before being picked up by a high-traffic one, from which many more low-traffic blogs snatch them. Contra blog-triumphal models of memetic bootstrapping, I believe most memes are—to borrow a term from Daniel Dennett's rebuttal of punctuated equilibrium—"skyhooked" into prominence by high-traffic blogs.
Yeah, yeah, whatever. The important thing is that he needs about a jillion people to link to his post along with a brief description of his grand experiment. Oh, and be sure to ping Technorati manually, unless your blog's settings do so automagically or something. Go ahead, do it. You'll finally be able to put that grade school humiliation behind you once and for all.
(Cross-posted in the name of, you know, science and shit.)
From Orwell to Kafka
Yet I predict by the end of all this, we’ll be thinking Lewis Carroll, and not in a good way. Anyway…
The Bush administration unconstitutionally denied aid to tens of thousands of Gulf Coast residents displaced by hurricanes Katrina and Rita and must resume payments immediately, a federal judge ordered yesterday.Good lord. Meanwhile, FEMA says they may appeal. Of course they will.
U.S. District Judge Richard J. Leon said the Federal Emergency Management Agency created a "Kafkaesque" process that began cutting off rental aid in February to victims of the 2005 storms, did not provide clear reasons for the denials, and hindered applicants' due-process rights to fix errors or appeal government mistakes.
"It is unfortunate, if not incredible, that FEMA and its counsel could not devise a sufficient notice system to spare these beleaguered evacuees the added burden of federal litigation to vindicate their constitutional rights," Leon, a D.C. federal judge, wrote in a 19-page opinion.
"Free these evacuees from the 'Kafkaesque' application process they have had to endure," he wrote.
Let’s Not Call It Cut and Run…
…let’s call it Trim and Saunter:
The bipartisan Iraq Study Group reached a consensus on Wednesday on a final report that will call for a gradual pullback of the 15 American combat brigades now in Iraq but stop short of setting a firm timetable for their withdrawal, according to people familiar with the panel’s deliberations.You know, I think the jig is up. Most of America knows that Bush is an asshole and a moron and a failure, so there’s really no point in protracting our occupation of Iraq to accommodate a pointless tap-dance around the semantics of what we should call tendering our surrender to the unstoppable forces of civil war we’ve unleashed there. It doesn’t matter if you call it Gradual Pullback, Cut and Run, or Presto Chango Redeployo—Bush will still be the asshole and the moron and the failure who got us into this mess on a pack of lies and has been chanting “Stay the Course” ever since. All the shuffle-ball-changes in the world cannot salvage the tatters of his ruinous legacy, so let's just cut the bullshit and get a move on, all right?
The report, unanimously approved by the 10-member panel, led by James A. Baker III and Lee H. Hamilton, is to be delivered to President Bush next week.
…Mr. Bush has rejected … withdrawal, declaring in Riga, Latvia, on Tuesday that while he will show flexibility, “there’s one thing I’m not going to do: I’m not going to pull the troops off the battlefield before the mission is complete.”
Commission members have said in recent days that they had to navigate around such declarations, or, as one said, “We had to move the national debate from whether to stay the course to how do we start down the path out.”
The Meme of 50
Via Kona and Jack...
1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought? Hmm…probably something like “I’m fucking 32 and getting gray hair. Can I stop getting zits now?”
2. How much cash do you have on you? Like three bucks in change.
3. What’s a word that rhymes with “DOOR?” Boor.
4. Favorite planet? Earth, although my answer may change once I’m no longer dependent on its atmosphere for my very survivial and shit.
5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone? Mr. Furious.
6. What is your favorite ring tone on your phone? You Have Killed Me by Morrissey.
7. What shirt are you wearing? A green tanktop.
8. Do you “label” yourself? Yes. Here’s my label:
9. Name the brand of the shoes you’re currently wearing? I’m currently wearing pink slippers I bought at the drugstore for $7.
10. Bright or Dark Room? Depends on the purpose.
11. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you? Kona broke the mold. Like, with a sledge hammer. Jack would spend endless hours carefully gluing it back together if he thought it would make the world thismuch better.
12. What does your watch look like? Very still, since its battery needs to be replaced.
13. What were you doing at midnight last night? Crawling into bed.
14. What did your last text message you received on your cell say? I can’t even remember, although I’m fairly certain it was from my girlfriend Miller, who seems to be the only person I know who texts.
15. Where is your nearest 7-11? No idea. The only one I can think of is across from Roscoe’s in Chicago.
16. What's a word that you say a lot? Wev.
17. Who told you he/she loved you last? Mr. Shakes.
18. Last furry thing you touched? Matilda. Or Olivia.
19. How many drugs have you done in the last three days? Two.
20. How many rolls of film do you need developed? None.
21. Favorite age you have been so far? 32. I always tend to be content with where I am, and I like getting older.
22. Your worst enemy? An aversion to asking for help when I need it.
23. What is your current desktop picture? Tim Gunn: “Make it work!”
24. What was the last thing you said to someone? “I love you.”
25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly what would it be? Million bucks.
26. Do you like someone? What the eff kind of question is this? Yes. I do. Lots of someones.
27. The last song you listened to? Girl Don’t Come by Sandie Shaw.
28. What time of day were you born? 10:57pm.
29. What’s your favorite number? Ï€
30. Where did you live in 1987? Same place I live now, though I’ve lived elsewhere in between.
31. Are you jealous of anyone? Nope. I’ve never really seen the point.
32. Is anyone jealous of you? I certainly hope not.
33. Where were you when 9/11 happened? At work on the 12th floor of a highrise on the Mag Mile in Chicago.
34. What do you do when vending machines steal your money? Grumble and complain.
35. Do you consider yourself kind? I don’t consider myself unkind. Sometimes I’m kind; sometimes I’m just fair. Often those are the same thing, but not always.
36. If you had to get a tattoo, where would it be? Dunno.
37. If you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be? Spanish.
38. Would you move for the person you loved? Yes.
39. Are you touchy feely? With people I know. I don’t particularly like being touched by strangers.
40. What’s your life motto? Tears in a bucket; motherfuckit.
41. Name three things that you have on you at all times? My wedding band, my glasses or contacts (on or nearby), and my rapier wit.
42. What’s your favourite town/city? Chicago, New York, Edinburgh, London…like I can pick just one.
43. What was the last thing you paid for with cash? Parking.
44. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper and mailed it? Not terribly long ago. I write letters to my Londoner Andy all the time and then never mail them because I’m a lazy sod. I end up telling him everything on the phone before I manage to send the letters.
45. Can you change the oil on a car? Yep.
46. Your first love: what is the last thing you heard about him/her? My first love is someone with whom I’m still friends. We just went out, along with our respective partners, to a movie together over Thanksgiving weekend.
47. How far back do you know about your ancestry? Different generations depending on what branch of the family tree.
48. The last time you dressed fancy, what did you wear and why did you dress fancy? Dress fancy?! LOL. I think my hot outfit of a green tanktop, pinstriped trousers, and pink slippers is pretty damn fancy.
49. Does anything hurt on your body right now? Yeah, a cyst on my bloody spinal cord that I’ve had since I was 16. It’s flaring up at the moment and driving me batshit insane.
50. Have you been burned by love? No, but I’ve definitely been frozen.
Question of the Day
Edging closer to Oscar season, it's a good time to ask again: What's the best film you've seen so far this year? Any other notable performances?
On Cunts
[Content Note: Misogynistic and homophobic language and slurs.]
So, Pachacutec wrote a post at FDL calling Congresswoman Ellen Tauscher a whore (Zuzu's got a good fisking of the post) with which Tom Watson took exception, pointing out that with the very real possibility the Democrats "will be running a woman for President in less than 20 months" and the reality that Nancy Pelosi is currently the top elected Dem official in the nation, perhaps it's not exactly what one might call wise to rely on misogyny to critique women. He's right, of course—not only does it perpetuate a culture in which women are so easily marginalized just because they're women, but it also cedes high ground we'll surely need while the Speaker is a woman, no less if the Dem nominee is.
One might think that wouldn't be a controversial suggestion, but only because it's easy to forget that there are still people who will argue from here to eternity in defense of their right to use with impunity sexist language and imagery to demean women.
Pachacutec could have just said "Yeah, I called her a whore. So what? Fuck you." to anyone who disagreed with that language. To paraphrase Tammy Wynette, stand by your sexism. But instead, the argument became, as it always does, that the language wasn't sexist at all, and anyone who thinks otherwise is a hypersensitive, hysterical loser. Tom was deemed "Ned Flanders," and Pachacutec told him to "Face it. We do punk rock posts and you're into Guy Lombardo." All I can say is that if punk is challenging the comfortable conventions of the bourgeoisie, there's almost nothing less punk than demeaning a woman by calling her a whore and pretending it's not sexist. That's the Milli Vanilli of blogging—derivative and radio-ready, pretending to be something it ain't.
No one ever wondered if sexism would play in Peoria, know what I mean? As Neddie says, "The most revolutionary act you can perform in this fell, death-infected year 2006 is to act like a goddamned adult."
Anyway, things were further complicated when Watson updated his post to point to another posting at FDL in which TRex called conservative pundit Laura Ingraham a cunt. When the word was then removed, Watson noted: "The grown-ups at FDL have been busy. The C-word has been edited out of the post," to which TRex responded in Tom's comments:
That was my decision, Tom. I decided I would rather refer to Miss Ingraham as a Bitch Troll from Hell.Wow. Suffice it to say, any and all resulting discussion which defended the use of that word via reclamation of cunt doesn’t really bloody matter a whit when the word is used is an insult, even if it is by a gay man "with feminist politics out the wazoo." Sort of like how being a feminist woman with LGBT support out the wazoo doesn't confer upon me the right (lack of desire notwithstanding) to call a gay man "a miserable little f----t" if I disagree with him. It just doesn't work that way. (See Piny’s excellent post on how the use of the word in TRex's original post and comment to Tom is not covered by reclamation.) The whole "I support reproductive rights, so I can't possibly be a sexist" argument is the vaguely tuned-in crowd's version of "I've got a black friend, so I can't possibly be a racist." It sounds a bit better, but it's just as fucking stupid—which is why I was disappointed when Jane Hamsher showed up to defend her two contributors in precisely this way: "Nothing either [Pachacutec or TRex] has ever written has been even slightly mysoginistic [sic]; both have gone to extraordinary lengths to support choice, registration of women voters, and the elevation of female voices and leadership both in the blogosphere and the Democratic party. This attack is hyperbolic and erected on straw."
You, on the other hand, are a miserable little cunt.
Well, no. It was erected on one of them criticizing a female politico by calling her a whore, and the other of them criticizing a female pundit by calling her a cunt.
Jane doesn’t want FDL to become "a slave to the PC language police who want to mau-mau it into sterility by throwing around loaded and innacurate [sic] race- and gender-baiting accusations," which I understand, because I use the word cunt—and have defended its use on multiple occasions. But there are ways to use words and there are ways to use words—and knowing the difference, rooting out the subversive context from that which simply perpetuates oppression, is not enslaving oneself to language police; it's doing the basic work required of someone who wants to be edgy, rather than a retrofuck jackhole.
I love the word cunt. I use it like it's going out of style, mostly when referring to my own or referring to myself. I love it when some dude calls me a cunt intending to deliver the ultimate insult, and I can effortlessly take the wind out of his sails by replying, "Fucking right I am. Queen Cunt of Fuck Mountain, and don’t you forget it, son." I'm all for reclaiming that shit—but reclaiming it is about wearing it yourself and wielding it ironically, which is necessarily as a compliment, not an insult. If I call my girlfriend "a beautiful cunt" for expertly handling a sexist prig, that's got reappropriative power. If I call her "a dumb cunt" because she does something foolish, not so much.
Sometimes in the past I have used cunt as an insult. (When CNN invited Ann Coulter to comment on the 2004 presidential debates, I sniffed, "I didn’t realize they had officially transformed into the Cunt News Network.") I'm not defending it; I can't. If someone had called me on it, they'd have been right, because, let's face it, I love using the word that way. I love its power to demean so neatly, so economically, and so completely. It has so much gorgeous power that it's almost irresistible. And any argument I tried to use to defend my right to call someone a cunt—not ironically, not as a compliment—would be total and complete bullshit. I wouldn’t possibly try to claim that using it that way isn't nasty, when the reason I love it is because it is.
So I know damn well if I call someone a cunt to demean them, I'm going to get taken the woodshed, and rightfully so, and if I try to rationalize it, I'm full of shit. There it is.
And anyone who's interested in being honest will admit that they feel exactly the same way when they use cunt as an insult, or wax rhapsodic about a member of Congress wiping corporate cum from her lips with a cocktail napkin. They feel good. They feel potent unleashing such powerful weapons. It's, like, totally punk and shit.
Except, of course, that it isn't. It’s mean and indefensible. And misogynist. No matter from whom it’s coming. Even a gay man with otherwise stellar feminist credentials. Even from a feminist. Even from Queen Cunt herself.
[Note: This post was updated on September 12, 20123 to remove language I've since reconsidered as part of growing in my own feminism. A content note was also added.]
Drivin' for Jesus, Drivin' for Jesus, Makin' all the Lights!
When the luscious and delightfully devilish Blue Gal sends you an email entitled "This is how bad it can get in Alabama," you know you'd better sit up and take notice.
As we all know, wingnuts love to get into hysterics about their perceived threats to America as a "Christian Nation." The Heretik's Dumbass du Jour got all bent out of shape about this, wailing that a Muslim taking his oath of office using the Koran somehow "undermines American civilization," while seeming to forget about little American details. These are the same "War on Christmas" people that are convinced if someone says "Happy Holidays" to them, the next thing they will do is force them to light a Menorah at gunpoint.
Of course, there are subtle ways of keeping America "Christian," and one way of doing that is by sneaking a little state-sponsored religion in right under people's noses and onto the rear ends of their cars. (More below the fold.)But while the "W" stickers are waning, they have been replaced with something far more pernicious, in my opinion. Ladies and Gentleman, presenting Alabama's God Bless America License Plate:
Yeah, Christianity being erased from public life is something we really need to worry about in this country. It will be interesting to see if someone sues the state over this. Can you imagine the uproar if they had a similar Muslim plate?
I was just gonna comment how awful that jingo supporters of Bush have found a way to sneak in state-sponsored religion. Aw, isn't this just like "In God We Trust" on the money? Don't get me started. I'M A CHRISTIAN, GOD DAMMIT, AND THIS IS FUCKING OFFENSIVE TO ME.
Deep cleansing breaths.
So I'm looking up the image of this plate from the DMV and just guess what I find out. "God Bless America" is a STANDARD LICENSE PLATE. That means when you go in to get a plain old regular license plate you have a choice. You can get a passenger car plate, a motorcycle plate, a truck plate, a permanent trailer plate, or...a God Bless America plate. Go see for yourself. It's the only standard plate with a message, apart from "Stars fell on Alabama" (great song). No extra charge for God Bless America, and you get to choose it as a default at the Department of Motor Vehicles. No waiting. They will HAND YOU ONE from a pile when you pay the standard fee. No wonder I saw no fewer than eight of these on the school carpool run this morning.
I see stuff like this and I'm really tempted to run for Congress as a prank. I'd just put something in my positions on the issues regarding "eliminating tax exempt status for religious organizations" just to see how extreme the hysteria would become. Of course, I don't, because I enjoy breathing.
Meanwhile, Illinois' standard license plates include two that are, to me, relevant and important: "Persons with Disabilities" (Alabama also has one of these) and "Hearing Impaired." They've even got one for ham radio and "antique vehicle." It's only in the specialty license plates where we begin to see any flag waving with the "America Remembers" plate:By purchasing the America Remembers License Plates, you help aid victims of terrorism and local governments for training, equipment and other items related to public safety initiatives intended to prevent further acts of terrorism or other disasters or emergency situations in Illinois.
Gee, they managed to salute the victims of 9/11, support public safety, and donate to the September 11th fund without mentioning God once. They must have had rocket scientists working on that plate! I'm sure they stayed away from statements like "God Bless America" because religious sentiment has no place on state license plates. That's what bumper stickers are for.
There is a $40 original issuance fee, $25 of this fee is donated to the September 11th Fund, and also a $27 additional fee at renewal, with $25 of this fee being donated to the September 11th Fund.
Oops, sorry, bumper magnets. Wouldn't want to apply any permanence to that sentiment on your slick paint job.
Hmm... Illinois has a "pet friendly" plate. I'll have to remember that.
Anyway, BlueGal continues with one of the weirdest license plates I've ever seen; I seriously thought she was throwing it in there as a prank at first. It's the "Atomic Nuked" plate.Get this: If you are a veteran who was exposed to an atomic bomb blast in the line of duty, you have to pay three dollars to get a special plate for yourself. I looked this up because I thought it was sort of odd that in the price list it says, "Nuked Veteran." Nuked, like the noodles I had for lunch. They wouldn't actually put that on a license plate, though, and then charge three dollars to someone who was exposed to nuclear radiation defending our country, for the privilege of having it on his/her car...
Oh, but indeed they do, Virginia... along with the insulting description, "Atomic Nuked."
As I said to Blue Gal, "Gee, I wonder if they'll have a 'Limbless Veteran' one?" You know, since we're being all sensitive and everything.
Nahh, that'll have to be a bumper sticker, too. They can put it next to the "I went to Iraq and all I got was this lousy disfigurement" one, along with the "Benefits-Slashed Veteran" one. It's a nice way to decorate your home when you're living out of your car.
(He just smiled and gave me a cross-post sandwich...)
Oh for crying out loud…
Every fucking day it’s some new assault on decency with this bullshit administration whose only competency appears to be wanton assholery. Following on the heels of Bush appointing a total wanker to oversee Title X funding, now Mary Beth Buchanan, an anti-porn crusader called "the vanguard of Ashcroft’s attempt to impose his morality on others," has been appointed to be the acting director of the Department of Justice’s Office on Violence Against Women. As Jessica says, get ready for funds meant for violence prevention "being diverted to conservative anti-obscenity groups under the rhetoric of protecting women."
Awesome. In related news, Sean Connery has been hired as spokesperson for Bush’s new "W is for Women" Outreach program.*
* Not really, but that shit totally seems possible, doesn’t it?
Peace Out Back In
Remember this story about the couple who were being fined by their homeowners’ association for hanging a peace wreath? Well, not only have the fines been dropped, but the entire association board has resigned and now the whole town is peacing it up big time.
Two board members have disconnected their telephones, apparently to escape the waves of callers asking what the board could have been thinking, residents said. The third board member, with a working phone, did not return a call for comment.Awesome. And stepping in to “help form an interim homeowners’ association” is a former association president who also happens to be a veteran willing to “fight for anyone’s right to free speech, peace symbols included.”
…[T]here are now more peace symbols in Pagosa Springs, a town of 1,700 people 200 miles southwest of Denver, than probably ever in its history.
On Tuesday morning, 20 people marched through the center carrying peace signs and then stomped a giant peace sign in the snow perhaps 300 feet across on a soccer field, where it could be easily seen.
…Town Manager Mark Garcia said Pagosa Springs was building its own peace wreath, too. Mr. Garcia said it would be finished by late Tuesday and installed on a bell tower in the center of town.
Fuck how I love it when right-wing intolerance backfires so spectacularly.
(Thanks to Shaker Tanya for passing along the update.)
RIP Dave Cockrum
And thank you:
Wearing Superman pajamas and covered with his Batman blanket, comic book illustrator Dave Cockrum died Sunday.(Via After School Matt.)
The 63-year-old overhauled the X-Men comic and helped popularize the relatively obscure Marvel Comics in the 1970s. He helped turn the title into a publishing sensation and major film franchise.
Cockrum died in his favorite chair at his home in Belton, South Carolina, after a long battle with diabetes and related complications, his wife Paty Cockrum said Tuesday.
…Many signature characters Cockrum designed and co-created -- such as Storm, Mystique, Nightcrawler and Colossus -- went on to become part of the "X-Men" films starring Hugh Jackman and Halle Berry.
Cockrum received no movie royalties, said family friend Clifford Meth, who organized efforts to help Cockrum and his family during his protracted medical care.
"Dave saw the movie and he cried -- not because he was bitter," Meth said. "He cried because his characters were on screen and they were living."
Damn Activist Judges
This is very good news:
A federal judge struck down President Bush's authority to designate groups as terrorists, saying his post-Sept. 11 executive order was unconstitutional and vague.Thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster for checks and balances—although it’s disturbing that limiting the president’s “unfettered discretion” keeps coming down to one woman. (Collins has ruled against Bush-issued Executive Orders before and invalidated parts of the Patriot Act two years ago.) It would be preferable if the Congress could have stopped giving it to him in the first place.
Some parts of the Sept. 24, 2001 order tagging 27 groups and individuals as "specially designated global terrorists" were too vague and could impinge on First Amendment rights of free association, U.S. District Judge Audrey Collins said.
The order gave the president "unfettered discretion" to label groups without giving them a way to challenge the designations, she said in a Nov. 21 ruling that was made public Tuesday.
The ruling was praised by David Cole, a lawyer for the Washington, D.C.-based Center for Constitutional Rights, who represented the plaintiff Humanitarian Law Project.What a concept.
It "says that even in fighting terrorism the president cannot be given a blank check to blacklist anyone he considers a bad guy or a bad group and you can't imply guilt by association," Cole said.
This has absolutely nothing to do with the bill that eradicated habeas corpus and broadly defined “enemy combatant,” but it’s encouraging that Bush’s authority to designate groups as terrorists is being limited, in light of the NIE that referred ominously to “leftist groups” who may “adopt terrorist methods to attack US interests.” Anything that checks in any way the president’s ability to define ideological opponents in whatever framework he chooses is very good.
And, though they won’t be, the people who ought to be happiest about precisely these kinds of limitations are the Bush Conservatives busily building up massive blog archives full of eliminationist rhetoric aimed at liberals. Someday, there’s going to be a liberal in the Oval Office again, and anyone sitting on a mountain of “jokes” about killing liberals probably doesn’t want that liberal president having the authority to deem as terrorists anyone she or he wishes.
