Shakesville

I'm a Total Wanker, and Yet, I'm on Television

Glenn Beck, proving once again that he's a complete twit that shouldn't be allowed anywhere near a television camera:

On the November 14 edition of his CNN Headline News program, Glenn Beck interviewed Rep.-elect Keith Ellison (D-MN), who became the first Muslim ever elected to Congress on November 7, and asked Ellison if he could "have five minutes here where we're just politically incorrect and I play the cards up on the table." After Ellison agreed, Beck said: "I have been nervous about this interview with you, because what I feel like saying is, 'Sir, prove to me that you are not working with our enemies.' " Beck added: "I'm not accusing you of being an enemy, but that's the way I feel, and I think a lot of Americans will feel that way."

To his credit, Ellison didn't simply call Beck a racist ass and walk off the set (I'm sure he knew what was coming, since Beck prefaced his comment with a stammering "I sure love Muslims!" softening statement); he gave a very intelligent response, when he could have replied, "Glenn, you are a cheerleader for the Bush administration, who lied us into a war and has created more terrorists daily than I've had hot dinners. Why don't you prove to me that you aren't working with our enemies? You douchebag."

ELLISON: Well, let me tell you, the people of the Fifth Congressional District know that I have a deep love and affection for my country. There's no one who is more patriotic than I am. And so, you know, I don't need to -- need to prove my patriotic stripes.

BECK: I understand that. And I'm not asking you to. I'm wondering if you see that. You come from a district that is heavily immigrant with Somalians. And I think it's wonderful, honestly, I think it is really a good sign that you are a -- you could be an icon to show Europe, this is the way you integrate into a country. I think the Somalians coming out and voting is a very good thing. With that --

Yes, you are asking him to. You just did. Prefacing it with "what I feel like saying is" doesn't change the fact that you asked an American Congressman to prove he's not a terrorist because of his religion. Ass.

I'm still amazed that CNN is still spending money putting this sputtering, embarrassing blowhard on camera. "Prove you're not a terrorist." Christ.

Seriously, how do I get his job? Apparently, you don't need to know your ass from a hole in the ground to get on television these days.

Update: Heh. Thank you, David.

(Tip 'o the Energy Dome to Crooks & Liars. What ever happened to Baby Cross-post?)

W: Still Not Standing for Women

I hear from a little birdie that the Bush administration has hired Dr. Eric Keroack to oversee Title X funding—the only federal program devoted entirely to family planning and reproductive health.

Keroack, who is currently the medical director of a Massachusetts pregnancy crisis center (you know, the folks that lie to women), will be the Deputy Assistant Secretary for Population Affairs.

Keroack is not only a well-known anti-choicer, he’s also a major proponent of abstinence-only education…and when I say proponent, I mean fucking insane person.

At the Annual Abstinence Leadership Conference in Kansas, Keroack defended abstinence (in an aptly titled talk, "If I Only Had a Brain") by claiming that sex causes people to go through oxytocin withdrawal which in turn prevents people from bonding in relationships. Seriously.

…The good doctor has also explained his use of ultrasounds in anti-abortion counseling by stating, “even Midas lets you look at your old muffler before they advise you to change it.”

And this is the guy who is going to have control over hundreds of millions of dollars in federal funding meant to provide access to contraception and reproductive health information—specifically to low income Americans.

…[A]pparently there's no confirmation process for this position, he just shows up to work.

I am without words or surprise. Fuck this administration. Just fuck them.

Security

Something about which I’ve been harping for awhile is how the GOP talks constantly about security, but how our domestic security—not securing the homeland, but the kind of security that comes from knowing your job is safe, you’ve got good health insurance, your kids are getting the kind of education that will make them competitive and open doors of opportunity in their future, the air you breathe and water you drink isn’t poisoning you, you’ve got enough well-equipped cops and firemen to protect you, and your elected representatives take things like the sexual exploitation of children seriously—has been totally ignored (and undermined) by the Party of All Security All the Time.

Perhaps, then, we can expect the administration that loves to talk about security, but doesn’t actually give a shit about doing anything to protect domestic security since it’s not sexed-up with war-related terminology, to pay attention now that the USDA has decided that Americans no longer go hungry—they just have "very low food security."

Every year, the Agriculture Department issues a report that measures Americans' access to food, and it has consistently used the word "hunger" to describe those who can least afford to put food on the table. But not this year.

…The USDA said that 12 percent of Americans -- 35 million people -- could not put food on the table at least part of last year. Eleven million of them reported going hungry at times. Beginning this year, the USDA has determined "very low food security" to be a more scientifically palatable description for that group.

The United States has set a goal of reducing the proportion of food-insecure households to 6 percent or less by 2010, or half the 1995 level, but it is proving difficult. The number of hungriest Americans has risen over the past five years. Last year, the total share of food-insecure households stood at 11 percent.

So while the Party of All Security All the Time has been overseeing the country, gravely intoning over and over ad infinitum that they’re the only ones who can "protect America," the levels of "very low food security" have been steadily rising, until more than one out of every ten households has experienced food-insecurity. Forget a great move toward centrism; perhaps Americans voted the Party of All Security All the Time out on their fat, gluttonous arses because they’re hungry.

Oh, pardon me. Because they’re suffering from very low food security.

Then again, perhaps we can’t expect President Bush to jump into action on the basis of this report, even in spite of its use of his party’s favorite word in the world.

That 35 million people in this wealthy nation feel insecure about their next meal can be hard to believe, even in the highest circles. In 1999, Texas Gov. George W. Bush, then running for president, said he thought the annual USDA report -- which consistently finds his home state one of the hungriest in the nation -- was fabricated.

"I'm sure there are some people in my state who are hungry," Bush said. "I don't believe 5 percent are hungry."

Bush said he believed that the statistics were aimed at his candidacy. "Yeah, I'm surprised a report floats out of Washington when I'm running a presidential campaign," he said.

Yeah, who can argue with that? If there’s anyone who plays politics with their issue, it’s the nation’s ~~hungry~~ sufferers of very low food security.

Death by Fire

While Iraqi women are turning to prostitution to survive, Afghan women are increasingly "committing suicide by setting fire to themselves to escape difficult lives."

Although estimates are difficult to make, one group says cases of self-immolation in the capital have doubled since last year.

Cases are said to be reported every day in the western city of Herat.

In Kabul, some 36 cases of self-immolation have been recorded this year.

…Afghanistan Independent Human Rights Commission chief Sima Simar told the meeting: "It [self-immolation] is the final decision for women who don't have any other way to solve their problems."

One Afghan survivor, a 16-year-old girl, told the summit she had endured beatings from her drug-addicted husband, a man 25 years her senior and whom she was forced to marry.

"When he did not have access to heroin and narcotics, he tortured me. After midnight he would hit me," she said.

"That night he hit me and hit my head. Blood was coming from my nose. I asked him why he was doing it and he hit me even more."

Do I think George W. Bush is uniquely responsible for the endemic cultural issues that leave Afghan women with little or no education, few legal choices, and almost no opportunity for self-sufficiency? No. Do I want to scream in a fit of rage every time I hear him proudly take responsibility for making it possible for 25 million women and girls to “go to school, vote in elections, and play an active role in their societies,” preying on Americans’ ignorance of what the reality for many women in Iraq and Afghanistan is? Yes. Like his every other claim about the successful and “accomplished” missions in those two wartorn countries, his claimed record on improving the lives of their women is utterly false. We haven’t reduced terrorism; we’ve exacerbated it. We haven’t made women’s lives better; we’ve made them worse. That’s the plain truth of the matter, and when Dubya looks at the mess he’s made and chooses not only to do nothing about it, but consistently misrepresents the reality, W doesn’t stand for Women. It stands for his typical do-nothing, heh-and-shrug, dissembling attitude: Whatever.

(More from Echidne and Majikthise.)

Larry King Doesn’t Like "Punching Little Buttons"

So he’s never used the internets. He’ll still punch you square in the kisser, though.

He also questions the viability of the internets "as a political medium." Of course he does. I mean, why wouldn’t you question the viability of something you’ve never used before? Obviously, the reason you’re not using it is because it’s crap. If it weren’t crap, you’d be magically compelled beyond your own stubborn ignorance to use it.

The point of internet use having reached critical mass, having passed the threshold at which the number of people using the internet in our society for culturally relevant purposes, was reached long ago. At this time, people who are going on about not using the internet or email don’t look cool, by virtue of resistance to succumbing to every passing fad, but look scarily detached from modernity.

Particularly to those of us who engage in a vibrant exchange of ideas every day via the internet, someone whose job involves being on top of new information and ideas but refuses to get on the information superhighway, especially those who refuse yet also feel obliged to criticize, are contemptible specimens. Members of the media, social and religious leaders, and politicians who don’t spend their time on the internet simply don’t, can’t, know what’s really happening in contemporary American political thought. They’re dinosaurs—and we all know what happened to them.

Two-Minute Nostalgia Sublime

Starman

The TV series that picked up where the
film starring Jeff Bridges left off.

Question of the Day

What's your favorite opera?

I don't know the first thing about opera, so I don't have an answer (although this looks pretty awesome). I love the music to whatever opera they were watching in Moonstruck (La Boheme?), which I've heard often, but really—nothing kicks my ass harder than the opera category on Jeopardy.

Fear Not, Shakers!

McCain "will formally open his 2008 presidential exploratory committee by tomorrow morning," according to The Hotline. (Via Political Wire.)

Yay! Everyone all aboard the Straight Talk Express! Choo-choo!

(You’re probably going to be seeing this
a lot in the coming year. I’m sorry.)

Hey You!

Yeah, you—you Gollum-looking motherfucker.

Shut the fuck up.

Democratic strategist James Carville says his party should dump Howard Dean as chairman of the Democratic Party because of incompetence.

Seriously. Why are you still talking? Just shut your stinking trap.

Carville, during coffee and rolls with political reporters today, said Democrats could have picked up as many as 50 House seats, instead of the nearly 30 they have so far.

The reason they didn’t, he said, is the Democratic National Committee did not spend some $6 million it could have put into so-called “third tier” House races against vulnerable Republicans.

…He said he tried to meet with Dean to argue for additional spending for Democrats in the final days of the campaign, but Dean declined and gave no reason why.

Maybe because Dean is clever enough to know you’re more useless than a neutered dog in a breeding contest. Or maybe it’s because you’re the most annoying man on the planet.

He added, “I think he should be held accountable.” He added, “I would describe his leadership as Rumsfeldian in its competence.”

What the hell is this guy’s problem? Why can’t he just halt his motor-mouth and start his short trek into oblivion where he belongs, instead of compulsively sticking his stupid mug in front of every TV camera and microphone in the free world?

Oh. Right.

(Hat tip to PSoTD for the story and Blue Gal for the second photo.)

tastes like chicken

Do you think they'll want original or extra crispy?

KFC today became the world’s first brand visible from outer space.

The fast food company have created a 87,500 square feet version of their founder, Colonel Sanders.

The stunt has been staged to celebrate a revamp of their logo.

It is only the third time in 50 years the logo has been changed. And in case you're struggling to spot the difference - in the new version the colonel wears an apron.

So if you're ever flying over Rachel, Nevada (near "Area 51" even), look down.

(hat tip to Becky, one of the layers of flavor at preemptive karma)

Caption This Photo

Crazy Eyes

O.J. Simpson speaks during an interview at the Fox News Channel in New York, in this file photo from July 25, 2000 (AP Photo/Richard Drew-File)

Today In WTF?

Who the bloody hell paid $2 million in cash to Palestinian terrorist organizations for the release of Fox News correspondents being held hostage, money they will now utilize "to hit the Zionists"? Was it Fox? Was it our government? And why are we only hearing about this now?

Bill Stickers, Ace Detective

So, the FBI went to search Chad Conrad Castagana's house, the right-wing loon that sent white powder to Keith Olbermann and a bunch of other people that he hated. It's interesting that in the affidavit from the FBI, one of the things searched for was "Anti-Semitic literature and/or left-wing hate rhetoric."

Because, you know, Castagana was so left-wing, and the left is totally known for eliminationist rhetoric. Not like his idols, Coulter and Malkin, at all.

Oh, and just in case you're wondering, Malkin is still ignoring the whole thing. Huh. Color me shocked.

(Tip 'o the Energy Dome to Sadly, No!)

Bush Bipartisanship

Bush has renominated Kenneth Tomlinson as chairman of the Broadcasting Board of Governors, in spite of (or, let’s face it, probably because of) this…and this…and this.

It’s one thing to pick a partisan hack for an important governmental post, evaluate his joke of a tenure, and then move onto someone new. After all, maybe the president didn’t realize just how ridiculous Tomlinson was when the White House first tapped him.

But after several years of humiliating hackery, Bush no longer has any excuses. Renominating Tomlinson again this week is a not-so-subtle message to Democrats and the rest of the electorate: Election failures or not, nothing is going to change at the Bush White House. No partisan is too unqualified, no right-wing ideologue can screw up enough, no controversy is too scandalous to prevent a Bush buddy from keeping important administration positions.

Yup. If Bush cared even half as much as about protecting this country as he does about protecting any one of his cronied-up pally-wallies, we’d all be in pretty good shape.

He Only Lied Because He Loves Jesus So Much

“You Belong in Hell.”

Sixteen-year-old junior Matthew LaClair says he was shocked when history teacher David Paszkiewicz, who is also a Baptist preacher in town, spent the first week lecturing students more about Heaven and Hell than the colonies and Constitution.

"I would never have suspected something like this went on in a public school," LaClair said yesterday.

He said Paszkiewicz told students that if they didn't accept Jesus, "you belong in Hell." He also dismissed as unscientific the theories of evolution and the "Big Bang."

LaClair took his concerns to the principal, who called a meeting with Paszkiewicz. Paszkiewicz denied the charges, the the principal appeared to believe him—and that’s when LaClair pulled out the recordings he’d made, precisely because he'd assumed no one would believe him otherwise.

At that point Paszkiewicz remarked, according to LaClair, "Maybe you're an atheist. You caught the big Christian fish."

Uh-huh. Where is it that liars belong, Mr. Paszkiewicz?

Paszkiewicz has yet to be disciplined, although the Superintendent of Schools, who calls him “a wonderful teacher,” promises that “corrective action” will be taken.

(Via DBK.)

My Life With the Thrill Kill Kult

“When I got out of the plane in Greensboro in the US state of North Carolina, I would never have expected my host family to welcome me at the airport, wielding a Bible, and saying, 'Child, our Lord sent you half-way around the world to bring you to us.' At that moment I just wanted to turn round and run back to the plane.”

Thusly opens Polish exchange student Michael Gromek’s account of living with a host family of Christian fundamentalists—who tried to recruit him to help “set up a Fundamentalist Baptist church” in Poland.

As I’ve said before, inviting scores of international students to America has been, without much fanfare, one of the most successful methods of diplomacy ever conceived, and it just makes me absolutely furious that there are people who would use the program as a conduit for delivering unwitting victims into their agenda of religious indoctrination. One of the key tenets of the program is respecting the students’ culture and beliefs, while conveying your own—not imposing your own. Totally obnoxious.

(Via Coturnix.)

What the—?

Via Recon.

Yay for War!

Over at HuffPo, they’ve posted an internal Fox News memo, written by the network's Vice President of news, that instructs the Fox team to “be on the lookout for any statements from the Iraqi insurgents, who must be thrilled at the prospect of a Dem-controlled congress.” Yeesh.

To be honest, I find this bit even more disturbing: “The elections and Rumsfeld’s resignation were a major event, but not the end of the world. The war on terror goes on without interruption.” Oh, huz-fucking-zah. Don’t feel bad, Faux newsies—we may have lost Congress, but we’ve still got our never-ending war! Gross.

You know, Bush Conservatives love to accuse liberals of rooting for the US to lose in Iraq, which is preposterous anyway, but how on earth is it better to root for the war to continue indefinitely?! These people are mad.

Just When You Thought it Was Safe

...he sleazes his way back in.

Trent Lott Wins Back Leadership Slot

WASHINGTON - Sen. Trent Lott, ousted from the top Senate Republican leadership job four years ago because of remarks considered racially insensitive, won election to the No. 2 post Wednesday for the minority GOP in the next Congress.

Lott returned to the center of power by getting the position of vote-counting GOP whip, nosing out Sen. Lamar Alexander. Sen. Rick Santorum told reporters that Lott beat Alexander by a 25-24 vote.

After an intense evening in which both men lobbied colleagues during floor votes, the Republican caucus elected Lott, a one-time whip and majority leader, by secret ballot. Lott will be the GOP's second-in-command to Sen. Mitch McConnell of Kentucky, who was elected unanimously to be the Senate minority leader in the new Congress.

By secret ballot. But of course.

Ugh, ugh, ugh.

Doesn't he have a house to rebuild? Something else that can keep him busy? All that porch sitting with Bush isn't going to happen on its own, you know.

WTF?

This wins my WTF? of the year award.

OJ Simpson to Discuss Killings

LOS ANGELES - In a new TV interview and book, O.J. Simpson discusses how he would have committed the slayings of his ex-wife and her friend "if I did it."

The two-part television interview, titled "O.J. Simpson: If I Did It, Here's How It Happened," will air Nov. 27 and Nov. 29 on Fox, the TV network said Tuesday.

"O.J. Simpson, in his own words, tells for the first time how he would have committed the murders if he were the one responsible for the crimes," the network said in a statement. "In the two-part event, Simpson describes how he would have carried out the murders he has vehemently denied committing for over a decade."

"This is an interview that no one thought would ever happen. Its the definitive last chapter in the Trial of the Century," Mike Darnell, executive vice president of alternative programming for Fox, said in a statement.

The interview, conducted with book publisher Judith Regan, will air days before Simpson's new book, "If I Did It," goes on sale Nov. 30. The book "hypothetically describes how the murders would have been committed," the network said.

The book is published by ReganBooks, an imprint of HarperCollins Publishers run by Regan.

Simpson, who now lives in Florida, was acquitted in a criminal trial of the 1994 killings of his ex-wife, Nicole Brown Simpson, and her friend Ronald Goldman. Simpson was later found liable in 1997 in a wrongful death lawsuit filed by the Goldman family.

Messages left with Simpson and his attorney Yale Galanter were not returned Tuesday night.

Read my new book: "If I did It: Not that I'm saying I did, mind you, just hypothetically, and why are you looking at me like that? Back off, asshole."

Seriously... WTF?

I guess those golf outings won't just pay for themselves...

UPDATE: As Angelos points out, there's been a slight title change. (Watch the video)