Bonus video below fold!
(hat tip Shaker Teresa for this one)
Get a Rope
They should have just tattooed a target on his forehead.
Man Ordered to Wear "Sex Offender" T-Shirt
NEW YORK (Reuters) - A Delaware judge on Friday ordered a man who twice exposed himself to a 10-year-old girl at his workplace to wear a T-shirt with the words: "I am a registered sex offender" in bold letters, a prosecutor said.Before anyone says I'm "on the pedophile's side," go read this.
Russell Teeter, 69, who pleaded guilty to two counts of indecent exposure, also was sentenced to 60 days in jail by Superior Court Judge Jan Jurden in Wilmington.
Deputy Attorney General Donald Roberts said he requested the unusual T-shirt punishment because he was concerned about Teeter exposing himself to children at the gardening business he runs with his wife.
"This is a unique way to let his customers know that he is a sex offender," Roberts told Reuters.
I'm sure I'll be taken to task for this, but I really feel this is cruel and unusual punishment. If we're going to do this, why don't we just bring back the stocks, for chrissakes? This isn't about protecting children; there are other ways that could have been done in this case. This is about public humiliation. And opening the door to "vigilante justice."
As usual, life imitates comedy:
It's becoming impossible to write satire anymore.
(If you're going to write a comedy sketch, you're going to have some cross-posts in there.)
Race Tightening
Steve Benen suggests perhaps we shouldn't be getting our panties in a wad over reports that the GOP is closing the election gap.
I fully admit that I'm totally paranoid, but I can't help thinking that such reports are designed to provide excuses for inexplicable wins. No, no...it wasn't election fraud. Pew predicted this might happen...
Sure.
"I'm a totally awesome kisser, right?"
Funniest thing I've seen in weeks. I'm definitely going to have to pick this game up, before they fix the "bug."
What do you want to bet that this little glitch gets the fundies even more hysterical than the violence in GTA?
(Tip 'o the energy dome to my buddy Grendel.)
Um…WTF?
“In short: Starting on January 15, you can't get on a plane or a cruise ship that might touch US airspace or waters without specific prior approval from DHS. And if they get away with this one, it will open the door for requiring everyone (including yours truly on her weekly mail runs) to get DHS' official blessing before they try to cross the border into or out of the U.S. The decisions, as always, will be made by anonymous bureaucrats who account to no one. There will, as always, be no avenue of appeal.”
As someone who has both the need and desire for international travel and international visitors, this makes my blood run cold. The day that we’re not allowed to leave the country without approval from the government is the day I start seriously considering leaving and never coming back.
It Was Only a Matter of Time…
…before someone tacitly blamed Haggard’s wife for his moral collapse, and right on cue, here it is.
Most pastors I know do not have satisfying, free, sexual conversations and liberties with their wives. At the risk of being even more widely despised than I currently am, I will lean over the plate and take one for the team on this. It is not uncommon to meet pastors’ wives who really let themselves go; they sometimes feel that because their husband is a pastor, he is therefore trapped into fidelity, which gives them cause for laziness. A wife who lets herself go and is not sexually available to her husband in the ways that the Song of Songs is so frank about is not responsible for her husband’s sin, but she may not be helping him either.Yeah, if only Mrs. Haggard had navigated that virgin-whore dichotomy a little better, Pastor Ted never would have sought solace in the massage stylings of a male escort. Also, I bet if she’d shaved her pussy, he never would have bought that meth.
And, you know, in addition to making sure their wives steadily deliver the poon on demand, pastors should probably just stop ministering to women and giving them important roles in the church, too, less those dirty temptresses seduce God’s men right out of their cloth.
I spend the vast majority of my time working from home. Some years ago when I did not, I found that lonely people, some of them hurting single moms wanting a strong man to speak into their life, would show up to hang out and catch time with me. It was shortly thereafter that I brought my books home and purchased a laptop and cell phone so that I was not tied to the church office. …Pastors have the right to protect their own home. This means that if someone keeps dropping by unannounced and is unwelcome, or a flirtatious woman shows up to a Bible study at the pastor’s home, the pastor and his family have the right to request that they never return.Consider that all of this was written in response to the Haggard scandal. Not to put too fine a point on it, but the temptations of women weren’t Ted Haggard’s problem. And herein lies the fundamental problem with regarding same-sex attraction as no different than attraction to other people of the opposite sex for straight ministers: All the sex in the world provided by a wife isn’t going to eradicate sexual desires for men, and the expected resistence of a heterosexual male assistant to sexual overtures doesn’t magically render him unattractive to someone who’s attracted to men. Is this really so difficult to understand? It’s like suggesting I can’t find Paul the Spud a handsome lad because I know he’s gay. He’s a man, and I’m attracted to men. That’s all it takes.
…Churches should consider returning to heterosexual male assistants who are like Timothy and Titus to serve alongside pastors. Too often the pastor’s assistant is a woman who, if not sexually involved, becomes too emotionally involved with the pastor as a sort of emotional and practical second wife. I have been blessed with a trustworthy heterosexual male assistant who can travel with me, meet with me, etc., without the fear of any temptations or even false allegations since we have beautiful wives and eight children between us.
It’s quite astounding to see the cognitive dissonance at work here. This minister is so desperate to protect himself from his innate (hetero)sexual urges that he has insulated himself from single moms, flirtatious women, and female assistants, lest he succumb to temptation, indicating a powerful and inescapable force within him. (One I would argue seems strangely disproportionate to my experience, but wev.) Yet at the same time, he doesn’t seem able to grasp that same-sex attraction is just as complex and intractable. In no way does he give the impression he believes his heterosexuality is curable, or even easily manageable—the world is full of temptations that are avoidable only with the assistance of a well-kept woman who provides frequent and satisfying sex.
The evidence of his own experience should suggest to him that same-sex attraction is no less obstinate, but he deliberately ignores the evidence provided by his own body and mind to assert that homosexuality (or bisexuality) is not a legitimate and equal sexual predisposition to his own, but instead a choice, and a bad one at that. It’s mind-numbingly obtuse.
One would think that people who were so rigidly sure of the inflexibility of their sexual orientation would be the most open to the concept that sexuality is not normally a choice. Instead, they fixate on the dogmatic but unproved belief that same-sex attraction is something that can be fixed, and seem quite certain if they say it often enough, one day it might be true.
(Hat tip to Blue Gal, who got it from Mock, Paper, Scissors.)
I Don't Want to Set the World on Fire
Did you see the Simpsons "Treehouse of Horror" episode last night?
If not, here's how it ended:
The clip unfortunately ends a little early (the song, silence, and explosions continued for a while), so the effect is a little diminished. But, you get the idea. I was struck by two things:
1. I'm amazed that FOX advertised this episode using the "You said we'd be greeted as liberators!" gag. Hell, I'm amazed this bit made it on to FOX at all.
2. The total absence of a punchline at the end of this episode is both jarring, and completely effective.
What did you think of it? Discuss.
(If you'd like to watch the entire segment, it's here. If anyone knows who performs "World on Fire" at the end of the episode, please let me know. I'm a big fan of tin-pan alley tunes, and I really like this version.)
Happy Birthday, Mr. Shakes!!!
Or: Thirty-one years of tumbling red curls, the loveliest green eyes on the planet, and what can only be described as a freckle explosion.
It’s my burfday!
It sure is, you cute wee devil!
Oh good lord, woman. What have you done?
Hahahaha!
The other night, I mentioned to my friend Sam that Anne Bancroft and Mel Brooks had always been my favorite Hollywood couple. “Not Bogart and Bacall?” he asked. “Not Newman and Woodward?”
“Nope,” I replied. “Definitely Anne Bancroft and Mel Brooks.”
He asked why. It was because of something Anne Bancroft once said. Yes, that Brooks made her laugh. And this: “When I hear his key in the lock at night my heart starts to beat faster. I'm just so happy he's coming home. We have so much fun.” I can totally relate.
I’ll never get over my crush on Mr. Shakes.
He’s all the things that anyone would hope to be able to say about their partner—kind, intelligent, loyal, admirable, talented, affectionate, witty. But then there’s this other thing…this completely bizaare and wonderful thing that leads him to believe that his primary role as my husband is to annoy the shit out of me in the most hilarious way.
“Hey,” he’ll say. “Did you see that poll that CNN did today?”
“No,” I’ll reply.
“Oh, it was really interesting,” he’ll tell me. “They foond oot that Joodge Toobbs is the moost brilliant chooby wifel in the entire universe.”
Then he’ll give me that wicked grin with the raised eyebrow, and I’ll tell him to shut up, to which he’ll reply, “Hey, doon’t tell me. I’m joost repoorting the news, Chunkles.” And on and on we’ll go until I’m laughing so hard my sides hurt.
Which reminds me of something else Anne Bancroft once said about Mel Brooks. “I'd never had so much pleasure with another human being. It was that simple.”
I can totally relate to that, too.
I love you, Mr. Shakes. Happy Birthday.
Haggard Confesses to Lifelong “Sexual Problem”
C&L has a video snippet of Haggard’s letter to his church being read, in which he confesses to the little lifelong “sexual problem” most of us refer to as “being gay.” Most of us doesn’t include Pastor Ted, though, who still resides in his twisted world of fantastic delusion, where homosexuality is just a fancy name for a sexual temptation that can be overcome with enough prayer and diligence.
According to a spokesman for the church that has now canned his ass, Pastor Ted continues to deny “engaging in homosexual acts or being gay,” admitting only having received a massage from a gay man, which was cited as the grounds for his removal. And in true self-loathing closet case fashion, he used his admission of being “a deceiver and a liar” as an opportunity to further malign the LGBT community, by treating homosexuality as the epitome of depravity:
"The fact is I am guilty of sexual immorality, and I take responsibility for the entire problem. I am a deceiver and a liar. There's a part of my life that is so repulsive and dark that I have been warring against it all my adult life," he said.Oh, go fuck yourself, you sanctimonious shit. There’s nothing “repulsive” or “dark” about being gay. What’s repulsive is your chronic compulsion to slander gays, and I believe you’ll find the world a lot less dark if you just step out of that closet in which you’ve been hiding.
Haggard is, to be sure, a pitiable creature, another victim of the so-called morality that casts same-sex attraction as a conquerable bit of devilry, like the offer of a rich dessert during a post-holiday diet. Oh, I really shouldn’t…well, maybe just one bite… Wholly disregarded are all the parts of the human experience that flow from attraction—love, family, fulfillment. Requiring people to hide and deny one of the most fundamental aspects of their natures necessarily causes them to seek out a sad approximation, and they take down with them second-choice spouses, children, and the friends and family who inevitably become entwined in their lifelong lie until it unravels. There’s nothing moral about that.
But given the chance to extricate himself from this large and spectacular life of deceit, Haggard balked. He chose not to explain himself for what he is, a gay man cosseted in expectations of self-delusion, but instead to further condemn the people who are brave enough not to cower behind a curtain of deception—the out LGBT community who live lives that are “repulsive and dark.” Even as his treachery and hypocrisy are nakedly exposed, he cannot tell the truth, even to himself. Still he speaks of temptation, and seeks redemption not from those he has endeavored to destroy as part of his self-denial, but from those who only love him cloaked in that lie, who destroyed him.
There is, perhaps, no greater evidence that homosexuality is not a choice, not an inducement to sin against a singular goodness, than people like Haggard—people who have every reason not to be gay, who have every alleged tool at their disposal to counter the “wicked urge,” and fail nonetheless. It is in people like Haggard that we see the truth behind the assertions that gay marriage will undermine the family, that gays recruit, that unchecked homosexuality will be ruinous for society—because Haggard’s family might not have existed were gay marriage legal, because Haggard felt as though he were being tugged astray by every out gay man he saw, because the existence of homosexuality, as just another shade on the spectrum of human experience, was ruinous for him.
Haggard believes even now he is fighting a demon, something outside of himself that, given enough willpower, enough moral rectitude, enough prayer, he can vanquish. He cannot bring himself to admit, and to tell the millions who share his view and watch with horror his fall from grace, that he is wrong, that they’re all wrong, that he’s fighting himself.
autumn sundays
Ahhhhh....autumn. I don't think my house could smell much better--I made pumpkin bread last night (for this morning) and I have a big pot of my 'famous' beef stew on the stove and a made-from-scratch apple pie in the oven. Yum. Besides spending an hour in the kitchen getting everything cooking, it's been a lazy day here.
How was your weekend? Do anything fun? Do you have any traditional cool/cold weather meals at your house?
Saddam Sentenced to Swing
In a verdict that I imagine surprises approximately no one, Saddam Hussein has been found guilty of crimes against humanity and has been sentenced to death.
An Iraqi court on Sunday sentenced Saddam Hussein to the gallows for crimes against humanity, convicting the former dictator and six subordinates for one nearly quarter-century-old case of violent suppression in this land of long memories, deep grudges and sectarian slaughter.That is all.
…"Long live the people and death to their enemies. Long live the glorious nation, and death to its enemies!" Saddam cried out after the verdict, before bailiffs took his arms and walked the once all-powerful leader from the courtroom. There was a hint of a smile on Saddam's face.
(Crossposted at Ezra’s place.)
Freedom
Best YouTube video ever? It just might be.
Via The Reaction.
Doogie Howser is Gay
In case anyone was trapped under a rock for the last 24 hours, and hasn't checked in at the Virtual Bar, Neil "Doogie" Patrick "Howser" Harris came out yesterday. Three cheers for Doogie!
Mustang Bobby welcomes him to the club.
The Virtual Bar Is Open
Woo-hoo! Friday Night, bitchez!
Belly up to the bar and name your poison.
Smoke 'em if you've got 'em.
Pastor Ted is buying tonight.
Pastor Ted
All this stuff about "Pastor Ted" Haggard is making me think of a British television show called "Father Ted." I keep wanting to make Father Ted jokes that no one would get.
Anyway, here's a snippet of Father Ted:
Drink...girls. Meth...boys. Whatever.
Don’t Blame Us!
Oh, this is just priceless. The architects of the Iraq War are throwing Bush to the wolves to save their own tattered reputations, claiming the problem wasn’t their idea, but Bush’s total and complete lack of the merest appearance of competency—which, apparently, they never noticed. Sing it, neocons!
Richard Perle: “The decisions did not get made that should have been. They didn't get made in a timely fashion, and the differences were argued out endlessly.… At the end of the day, you have to hold the president responsible.… I think if I had been delphic, and had seen where we are today, and people had said, 'Should we go into Iraq?,' I think now I probably would have said, 'No’…”
Delphic, huh? Well, that’s the best euphemism for “vaguely cognizant of obvious facts” I’ve heard yet!
David Frum: “[I]t now looks as if defeat may be inescapable, because ‘the insurgency has proven it can kill anyone who cooperates, and the United States and its friends have failed to prove that it can protect them.’ This situation, he says, must ultimately be blamed on ‘failure at the center’—starting with President Bush.”
Dayum! Bitch, that’s cold. After G-Dub turned your “axis of evil” speech into the Shit Heard Round the World, all you’ve got to give back is shade?! That’s some serious ice, playa.
Kenneth Adelman: “I just presumed that what I considered to be the most competent national-security team since Truman was indeed going to be competent. They turned out to be among the most incompetent teams in the post-war era. Not only did each of them, individually, have enormous flaws, but together they were deadly, dysfunctional.”
Ouch!
Michael Ledeen: “Ask yourself who the most powerful people in the White House are. They are women who are in love with the president: Laura [Bush], Condi, Harriet Miers, and Karen Hughes.”
I don’t even know what that means, but it doesn’t sound good.
Frank Gaffney: “[Bush] doesn't in fact seem to be a man of principle who's steadfastly pursuing what he thinks is the right course. He talks about it, but the policy doesn't track with the rhetoric, and that's what creates the incoherence that causes us problems around the world and at home. It also creates the sense that you can take him on with impunity.”
Snap!
Michael Rubin: “Where I most blame George Bush is that through his rhetoric people trusted him, people believed him. Reformists came out of the woodwork and exposed themselves.”
Is he talking about the Iraq War, or Mark Foley?
Eliot Cohen: “I do think it's going to end up encouraging various strands of Islamism, both Shia and Sunni, and probably will bring de-stabilization of some regimes of a more traditional kind, which already have their problems.… The best news is that the United States remains a healthy, vibrant, vigorous society. So in a real pinch, we can still pull ourselves together. Unfortunately, it will probably take another big hit. And a very different quality of leadership. Maybe we'll get it.”
Fo shizzle.
Mind you, these were the same diseased todgers predicting Iraq would be a cakewalk, that we’d be greeted as liberators, that our troops would be showered with rose petals and sweeties, and that the reconstruction would pay for itself. They were also the ones accusing those of us who were saying before the war that Bush was an incompetent doofus who would make a hash job of this adventure, of being traitorous, unpatriotic imbeciles who didn’t know what we were talking about.
I’ve got only two words for the neocon brigade: FUCK YOU.
Now go die slow professional deaths in obscurity at discredited conservative think tanks, where no one with any sense will ever listen to a word you utter ever again.
