Noblesse Oblige

Britain's Prince William to join Harry's regiment: “Britain's Prince William, second in line to the English throne, is to join his younger brother Harry's army regiment, his office has announced. The 24-year-old, who as future king will one day be head of the country's entire armed forces, will become a member of the Household Cavalry's Blues and Royals, Clarence House said Thursday.”

In light of this story, and of the current battle over torture being waged between the Bush-led chickenhawk brigade, who haven’t served their country, and Senators Warner, McCain, and Graham, who have, I thought I’d repost something I wrote back when Prince William began his military training at Sandhurst.

* * *

Just the other day, Mr. Shakes and I were talking about the British Royal Family, of whom, being a Scotsman, he’s no great fan in a historical sense. But he has a deep respect for the modern Windsors, who carry on the admirable aristocratic tradition of serving their country—in the military and other ways—in exchange for the privilege the country affords them. Princes William and Harry have the same chance of serving in Iraq as do any other officers; their uncle, Prince Andrew, served in the Falklands War. When the British government wanted to relocate him to a desk job from the HMS Invincible, one of only two operational aircraft carriers available to the Royal Navy, it was the Queen herself who insisted that Prince Andrew be allowed to remain with his ship. After the war, the Queen and Prince Philip joined other families of the other crew to welcome the vessel home, just a mother and father like any other, glad their son was safe. During WWII, that same mother and father refused to leave their London home when London was bombed, standing in solidarity with the people who had no option but to stay.

We don’t have an aristocracy in America in the same sense as does Britain, but that isn’t to say we don’t have one at all. George Bush, in spite of his brush-clearin’ good-ol’-boy routine, is nothing if not an aristocrat—born to wealth and power, schooled in the best private instutitions, rising to prominence not on his merit, but his name. And like many American artisocrats, Bush used his privilege, while denying its existence at every turn, to avoid serving his country, until he could do so as a leader, at which time he shed any pretense of serving the country, instead serving the agenda of other aristocrats.

He is, however, of the new American aristocracy. There are still aristocrats in America who follow the British tradition, men born to privilege, wealth, private schools, and limitless opportunity who repay this debt of inherited fortune by serving their country. Men who graduate from an Ivy League School and enlist in the military. Men who go to war and come home to serve again, as prosectors and Congressmen and Senators. Our last two Democratic presidential candidates were men like this.

Men like this don’t mask their privilege, nor do they flaunt it. It simply is. But in our typical American way, pretending as we love to do that there is no aristocracy in America and hating the merest whiff of blue blood, we reject patricians and disdain their privilege, particualarly when they have never sought to use it to their own advantage.

It’s a peculiar tendency, this, to hold in contempt a person who has no personal need to care about the trials and troubles of others and yet does so nonetheless, who recognizes his or her fortune as a fate as random as that of someone who struggles. It’s an odd inclination to prefer the charade of Bush’s self-made man to Gore’s nobility (in both its senses), considering it is the former who would most eagerly see the perpetuation of the divide we revile in the moments we are honest enough to admit it exists in the first place.

Someday, barring a tragedy, Prince William will become a king, and the people of Britain will remember that he served his country, and even many of those who would see the monarchy wholly dismantled, and their fortunes turned over to the people of Britain, will respect him for his service. They don’t have the option of pretending that their aristocracy is anything but what it is. Some would say that’s a burden; I think it’s a gift. Our insistence on make believe has imagined us right into a new Gilded Age.

(Related: Fortunate Sons Don’t Like Grieving Mothers)

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Caption This Photo


President Bush delivers remarks at … Raymond James
Stadium in Tampa, Fla. Thursday, Sept. 21, 2006.
(AP Photo/Gerald Herbert)

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Hold the Phones!

Are you telling me Bill O’Reilly might have lied about being targeted by al-Qaeda during his cock-servicing session c/o ABC? Well, that certainly takes the shine off the happy ending.

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Glagh!


It's not so much that every time George Allen opens his mouth, he puts his foot in... it's more like his loafers never leave his big yapper.

Much like the "macaca" episode, when asked about his Jewish ancestry by a reporter, Allen can't seem to settle on one explanation. His first response was to throw a tantrum. The next step? blame it on mom.

RICHMOND, Va. - Sen. George Allen (news, bio, voting record)'s mother hid her Jewish upbringing from her children until late last month to spare them the fear suffered by her father, who was imprisoned by the Nazis, The Washington Post reported Thursday.

"What they put my father through. I always was fearful," the Post quoted Henriette "Etty" Allen of Palos Verdes, Calif., as saying in a telephone interview. "I didn't want my children to have to go through that fear all the time."

She said her son, a Republican seeking a second term in a close race, asked her about it over dinner at her home in late August when he was in Los Angeles for a fundraiser.

"When I told Georgie, I said, 'Now you don't love me anymore.' He said, 'Mom, I respect you more than ever,'" she told the newspaper.
Heartwarming. Oh, brother.
On Tuesday, Allen acknowledged his Jewish ancestry publicly for the first time in a statement his campaign issued.

Etty Allen said she swore the senator to secrecy, asking him not to tell his wife, his two brothers or his sister. "The fact this is such an issue justifies my actions, and my behavior," she told the newspaper.
This is just so weird. Is it just me, or is a big issue being made of something that, well, really shouldn't be an issue? Is a statement like this really necessary? Why all the shame? I also find it interesting that, when she first tells little Georgie about his ancestry, her first reaction is "you don't love me anymore." Because of the lies? Or because of the ancestry?

Oh, and about that monkey-boy thing...
She also dismissed suggestions that she had ever used the word "macaca" in front of her children. The word, considered a racial slur in some cultures, became an issue when the senator applied it to a Webb campaign volunteer of Indian descent during a rally before a mostly white crowd Aug. 11.

The videotaped remarks were posted on the Internet, and subsequent international news coverage helped Webb pull almost even with Allen, erasing what had been a commanding Allen lead.

"I swear to you, I have never used that word," she told the newspaper. "I must have used a lot of bad words, but not that word."

She said she had never heard the word and that after the story broke, she tried to find it in her dictionary but there was no listing for it.
Good grief. You've got to be fucking kidding me.

And, true to form, Allen ran right out and said something completely stupid.
"Some may find it odd that I have not probed deeply into the details of my family history, but it's a fact," Allen said in his statement.

Speaking with The Times-Dispatch, Allen said the disclosure is "just an interesting nuance to my background." He added, "I still had a ham sandwich for lunch. And my mother made great pork chops."
I'll just leave you all now to shake your heads in amazement.

(Tip 'o the Energy Dome to TPM and August, who wants to know if George Allen is, in fact, the stupidest person alive.)

(I want you to cross-post me...)

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We Do Not Torture

What? Stop laughing! You in the back with the shirt! Don't pretend you don't know I'm talking to you!

U.N. Expert: Iraq Torture May Be Worse

GENEVA - Torture in Iraq may be worse now than it was under Saddam Hussein, with militias, terrorist groups and government forces disregarding rules on the humane treatment of prisoners, the U.N. anti-torture chief said Thursday.

Manfred Nowak, the U.N. special investigator on torture, made the remarks as he was presenting a report on detainee conditions at the U.S. prison in Guantanamo Bay as well as to brief the U.N. Human Rights Council, the global body's top rights watchdog, on torture worldwide.

Reports from Iraq indicate that torture "is totally out of hand," he said. "The situation is so bad many people say it is worse than it has been in the times of Saddam Hussein."

Nowak added, "That means something, because the torture methods applied under Saddam Hussein were the worst you could imagine."


And yet, somehow, we're not aware of it.

It's a damn good thing we got rid of that brutal dictator, huh?

(Shine on you crazy cross-post...)

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Gonzo the Superknob

Good lord. Yesterday, in spite of blaring headlines announcing that Maher Arar had been sent to Syria and tortured for 10 months though he was guilty of nothing, Attorney General Alberto “Superknob” Gonzales said: “We were not responsible for his removal to Syria” and “I’m not aware that he was tortured.”

So the clean-up crew was sent in to explain this embarrassment, and here’s what they came up with:

On Wednesday, a Justice Department spokesman said Mr. Gonzales had intended to make only a narrow point: that deportations are now handled by the Department of Homeland Security, not the Department of Justice.

The spokesman, Charles Miller, said the attorney general forgot that at the time of Mr. Arar’s deportation, such matters were still handled by the Immigration and Naturalization Service, which was part of the Department of Justice.

“He had his timeline mixed up,” Mr. Miller said.
Yeah, that’s it. It’s not that he’s a lying douchebag who deflects responsibility like bullets off Wonder Woman’s wristbands—he’s just Chronologically Challenged.

Wev wevvy wev whatever.

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Head Start for Models

Apropos of Litbrit’s post below, here (via my girlfriend Miller) are some shots of Cindy Crawford’s five-year-old daughter getting an early start in mama’s business by modeling bathing suits.

FWIW, I don’t find anything wrong with what’s the kid’s wearing or the pictures themselves, if she were running around in her backyard and the snaps were from the family photo album. But I must admit, I’m a little squicked out by the thought that these have been published. This image in particular strikes me as eerily reminiscent of the bralettes designed to hide a child’s lack of breasts. The coquettish pose suggests that there’s something to hide, as her arm is placed in a way familiar to anyone who’s viewed a sex scene in a film trying to avoid an R rating. “Suggestive” is hardly an appropriate word to describe any photo of a five-year-old.

And the fake back tattoo immediately evokes a line from Wedding Crashers: “Tattoo on the lower back? Might as well be a bullseye.” The truth of the line is not that all women who have tattoos thusly placed are obviously "looking for it," but that men like the odiously predatory duo in the film interpret the tats that way nonetheless.

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Diversity and Access

Because I was on holiday last week, I really missed much of the dust-up over the lack of bloggers of color being included in the Clinton lunch (and Althouse’s ridiculous bullshit about Jessica’s pose in the group picture). I was following what was going on, but didn’t have the time to commit to writing in-depth about it. In any case, Pam’s written a great piece on the former issue, including her thoughts about the discussion that ensued, which I highly recommend.

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New Bond Theme

Yay or nay?


Via Michael K, who says: “Chris Cornell wrote and performed the newest Bond theme for Casino Royale called ‘You Know My Name.’ Yeah I know your name and I know this song sucks hard too.” Ha. I’ll take that as a nay.

Nay from me, too. It sounds like a reject from the Top Gun soundtrack.

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Stretch Out and Wait

Stretch out and wait
Stretch out and wait
There is no debate, no debate, no debate.
How can you consciously contemplate
When there's no debate, no debate ?
Stretch out and wait
Stretch out and wait…


—“Stretch Out and Wait,” The Smiths

Democrats sit out detainee debate: “Congressional Democrats are sitting out an explosive debate on how to treat the nation's most dangerous terrorism suspects, bypassing a chance to challenge President Bush on a proposal that has infuriated international law experts and human rights groups. …Democrats are letting a handful of Republican senators battle the Bush administration over the legal fine points of the White House detainee plan in hopes the GOP will bloody itself on the top-tier issue of security.”

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Bill O’Reilly: Brave Little Soldier

In a journalistic handjob that would sooner win an AVN Award than a Pulitzer, ABC News profiles Bill O’Reilly, who has deemed himself in his latest book a “Culture Warrior.” Or, for those who are cheap with the syllables, a “T-warrior,” short for “Traditional Warrior.” ABC, happy to oblige his fantasies of service and self-sacrifice, and carrying on the military jargon that conservatives so love, describes O’Reilly as having served “tours of duty in the more conventional news departments of CBS and ABC” before he went on to become Generalissimo Bill on The O’Reilly Factor, fighting a “war” he helped create and perpetuates on a nightly basis: the war he describes as “pitting traditional Americans—those who believe the United States is noble—against those who are secular progressives and believe the country is fundamentally flawed.”

"It's the traditionalists who really want to keep the country pretty much the way it is," O'Reilly said. "Against the secular progressives who want drastic change. … They control the media."
Says the man being profiled on ABC’s 20/20.

Standing at 6 feet, 4 inches, he can resemble a formidable culture warrior at times.

He even calls himself, "T-Warrior," short for "traditional warrior."

When "20/20" pointed out that he had one of the loudest voices in the media, O'Reilly said he and his fellow traditionalists were outnumbered and had been since the days of Walter Cronkite.
O’Reilly took issue with Cronkite after he found out he was a “real radical left guy” (the concept of being objective regardless of one’s political leanings being ungraspable for the likes of O’Reilly). Until then, he’d thought Cronkite was “fair,” but finding out about his personal political leanings sent O’Reilly on a crusade against the media—apparently, by becoming a part of it, though he continues to speak about “the media” as if he is somehow separate from it, in spite of hosting a daily television show, a daily radio show, and being a published author.

"The media is really the balancing agent here between the 20 percent of Americans who are secular progressives, and about 60 percent who are traditionalists," O'Reilly said.

"I gotta expose it."
Not “expose” so much as “fundamentally alter based on my interpretation of what the media should be.” The media was never meant to be a “balancing agent,” but a clearing house and conduit for factual information, irrespective of who stood to benefit from the truth—a notion that O’Reilly is surely clever enough to comprehend, but, being a conservative and a liar, doesn’t particularly like. Of course, he also has no integrity, so instead of being honest about his motives, he continually frames his relationship with the media as its critic and censor, as opposed to one of its most prominent members, who has simply decided to turn his back on its purpose, for convenience of disseminating his agenda. Men like Cronkite kept their political leanings hidden, because their agenda was truth-telling. O’Reilly keeps his agenda hidden, so that he might claim to speak the truth. It’s a fun-house mirror image of the traditional media, which makes his “traditional warrior” tag absolutely appropriate—although he is not a warrior on behalf of tradition, but a warrior on behalf of its obliteration.

Like conservative politicians who seek to destroy the federal government, conservative media shills seek to do the same to the media. Any institution that stands in their way gets slated for the wrecking ball, and each time it’s the same playbook—ruination from within. The great irony is that they call themselves the traditionalists, a moniker so manifestly inappropriate for those who decimate traditional institutions while claiming to restore them it would make Orwell blush.

They grasp onto a couple of issues—abortion, gay marriage (both of which O’Reilly references in the piece)—to bolster their credentials as traditionalists, as “culture warriors,” but in every other aspect, they are, quite literally, radicals. Preemptive warfare, disdain for the Geneva Conventions, domestic spying without warrants, contempt for the rule of law, disregard for the separation of church and state, tax cuts during a time of war, the unitary executive—these are largely unprecedented, and radical, deviations from traditional American policy.

When O’Reilly says his culture war pits “traditional Americans—those who believe the United States is noble—against those who are secular progressives and believe the country is fundamentally flawed,” he’s almost right. Progressives (though certainly not just secular ones) do believe the country is flawed, as is any country, and that one of its starkest imperfections is the group of people who believe the United States is noble no matter what it does. Those aren’t “traditional Americans” at all, but extremists, led by our president who believes that as long as we’re fighting “evil,” we must necessarily be “good.” History tells us that nothing good ever comes from fanatical blind nationalism, which is in what O’Reilly’s “traditional Americans” engage—and that’s anything but traditional.

And when he says that it’s “the traditionalists who really want to keep the country pretty much the way it is... Against the secular progressives who want drastic change,” he’s dead wrong. It is progressives who are the protectors of America, even and especially in pursuit of freedom and equality for all its citizens. And in pursuit of the truth he ever endeavors to disguise.

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Taking the initiative

So Clinton the First is out and about today, talking up his global initiative on such issues as climate change, poverty alleviation, and ethnoreligious conflict. It's a worthy effort that makes me feel a bit of a slacker. I'm thinking of working up a Waveflux Global Initiative...or perhaps a Waveflux Local Initiative. You know, start small and work up to the big leagues. I'm having some trouble deciding just what I want to initiate, though, as well as how just local the issues ought to be. Perhaps it should start at the household level: fixing that leaky valve in the upstairs bathroom, maybe. It really is something of an issue.

I'm also having trouble figuring who I should invite to the first annual meeting. Bill Gates is booked up through 2008.

Anyway, if anyone wants to help me focus the effort, I'll be taking suggestions all this week.

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Jane Hamsher on KO

Crooks and Liars has the video.

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Two-Minute Nostalgia Sublime

Diff'rent Strokes

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Question of the Day

Lots of movies are eminently quotable, but is there a particular movie you tend to obsessively quote?

A couple fall into this category for me: Mommie Dearest (hence the current tagline at the top of the blog) and Waiting for Guffman (approximately half of which Spud and I probably quoted at each other earlier today) immediately come to mind.

Mr. Furious and I tend to “Mmyeah…” (Office Space) at each other a lot, and the Londoner Andy and I (as I’ve mentioned) have spent no fewer than eight bazillion hours machine-gun firing Woody Allen lines at one another.

But I have probably quoted “I hate you and I hate your ass face!” from Waiting for Guffman more times than I could possibly count.

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Situation Normal…

George and Laura are so normal, the normalcy is practically oozing out of their totally normal nether regions:

"We watch television just like everyone else,'' the first lady says, in an interview with Fox News Channel's Greta Van Susteren slated to be shown at 9 pm Central time tonight — after the Bushes' usual bedtime.

…With the exception of being shadowed by Greta Van Susteren [for three days], the first lady asserts that she and the president "have a very private life.''

"We have a normal life on the second floor of the White House, and most people can’t imagine that it’s normal in such beautiful surroundings,'' Laura Bush says in her interview.

"We have normal dinners. We have our friends for dinner. We have our family for dinner.

"We watch television just like everyone else,'' the first lady says. "We watch baseball games at night on TV or football games on weekends. And so there is certainly privacy there, unlike the movies show it. The Secret Service is not standing around in our rooms while we’re there.

"We do have a private and normal life.”
Uh huh. Nothing but normal here. Just like how “typical” they were back in June, at which time I said, and shall now say again, “I don’t begrudge any president of the United States having access to a White House movie theater, a personal chef, a personal tailor, and other plush trappings, because, after all, s/he is the leader of an important country and can’t be housed in a shack wearing Dockers and feasting on mac ‘n cheese. But let’s not pretend that someone who’s afforded those luxuries is the same as the rest of us.

And let’s not pretend they’re normal, either. It’s not normal for most Americans to live in a mansion (or anywhere else) rent- or mortgage-free. It’s not normal for most Americans to have a chef cook for them, or watch their movies in a private theater. In fact, for a whole lot of Americans—and more of them each year since you normal folks moved into those “beautiful surroundings” you enjoy—it’s not even normal for them to be able to spend their evenings or weekends watching sports, because they’re working two jobs, or taking care of an aging parent who can’t afford nursing care, or helping their kids with the homework that’s become increasingly difficult since schools necessarily started “teaching to the test” since NCLB went into effect.

I understand the point Laura was fumblingly trying to make is that she and the president lead lives that aren’t totally lacking privacy, that aren’t 100% about the presidency. But “normal” isn’t the right word to use, not in the slightest, because if there were ever a duo in residence at the White House who were completely out of touch with “normal” America, it’s these cloistered cuckoos.

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Gannon Axed by The Blade

Boo hoo. Tears in a bucket, motherfuckit.

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Shakespeare’s Sister Theater Presents…



Episode 34: “Swing Me Deadly”
Story by: Paul the Spud
Graphics by: Shakespeare’s Sister

When we last left our fearless superbloggers, they had managed to narrowly escape a cunning trap set by Giant Bionic George Allen in the abandoned plastics factory, and were zooming back to their Fortress of Snarkitude.

“That was pretty quick thinking, sealing him in that block of clear Lucite,” said The Pink Petulance, lighting yet another smoke from the Spudmobile’s cigarette lighter.


“Ah yes, but deciding to leave him in the Ape House at Lincoln Park Zoo was a stroke of genius, my pajama-wearing chum,” Dr. Zero cackled, cutting through a puddle to spray a passing H2 with mud. “As was the ‘Fling Poo Here’ sign.”


Suddenly! The Spudphone! Yes, it was SuperKos, calling our superblogger heroes to give them their superblogger orders, which they would follow without question, as all superbloggers do.

“Dr. Zero! Pink Petulance! Trouble is afoot in the LGBT community!” exclaimed SuperKos. “And I’m afraid I can’t do anything about it, since the SuperKos Zapper and SuperKos Cruiser are both fueled by self-interest!”

“But—” started the Pink Petulance.

“Not now, Pink Petulance!” snapped SuperKos. “Flying Saucers from the Planet Limpwrist have been flying all over America, and they’re using some kind of lavender ray to turn gay men into walking stereotypes! Drag queens have taken over lower Manhattan! Chicago is simply choked with leather daddies! Hair salons can’t keep up with the job demands! And the shopping… dear lord, the shopping!” SuperKos broke down in sobs.

“And what about the lesbians?” Dr. Zero mused. “Are they being turned into giant, chainsaw-wielding lumberjacks? Are transgendered people suddenly sprouting new, bizarre forms of genitalia? Are bisexuals ceasing to exist?”

“No,” puzzled SuperKos, “Just gay men are affected. It’s as if everyone else is being ignored.”

Dr. Zero and the Pink Petulance quickly looked at each other. “The Sinister Stossor!” they cried. “Let’s roll!” said Zero, putting the Spudmobile into overdrive and setting a course for Planet Limpwrist.

“Good luck, Superbloggers!” saluted SuperKos. “I’m off to my undisclosed location!”

* * *


As they approached the pink, fluffy surface of Limpwrist, the Spudmobile’s communicator beeped. “A-hoy-hoy?” hailed Dr. Zero, toggling the switch.

“So, my arch-nemesis, The Pink Petulance… we meet again!” sneered The Sinister Stossor from the viewscreen, twitching his moustache. “And how’s your partner, that closet queen Dr. Zero?”

“Closeted?” muttered Dr. Zero, “What blog is this guy reading?”

“Out with it, Stossor—what’s your game?” demanded The Pink Petulance. “I know you have no shame, but this is low, even for you!”

“Why it’s very simple, my fuchsia fag hag!” he cackled, attempting to twirl his moustache and only succeeding in sticking his finger up his left nostril. “By forcing the gay men of the world to conform to my narrow idea of stereotypes, they will no longer be tolerated by Mister and Miss Average Joe! As we speak, my partners in crime, TweedleFalwell and TweedleRobertson are massing the citizenry against these nancy boys, and will bully legislation to get them kicked off the planet! Then they will have no choice but to come to Planet Limpwrist, where they will remain… forever!” He burst out into maniacal laughter, spraying the viewscreen with partially-chewed Funyuns.

“Uh, you want all of the gay men in the world to come live with you?” boggled Dr. Zero. “This is just an overblown plan to get laid, isn’t it?”

“Stossor out!” blurted the villain, quickly cutting the communication.

“Man, I’d say that guy really needs to get laid, but that’s obviously the plan anyway,” said Dr. Zero.

“And I am not fuchsia!” grumbled the Pink Petulance.

“Well,” Dr. Zero mused, “We could zap him with the Integrity Ray… or for a little light entertainment, we could hit him with the Hypocrisy Beam and watch him implode,” He clicked around on the Spudmobile keyboard. “Or I could just post these pictures of him in a Greenwich Village leather bar that I just found.”

“Or we could just blow the fuck out of that planet,” grumbled the Pink Petulance. “I’m out of smokes, and this guy is boring me.”

“You’re the boss!” Dr. Zero said cheerfully, hitting the Big Red Button ™ and dropping the Depth Charge of Dignity onto the surface of the planet, hitting Stossor’s Fortress of Denial smack dab in the center.


“Noo! My plans! My narrow-minded, stereotypical plans!” shrieked the Evil One as he vaporized, leaving nothing behind but a leather cap.

“Our work here is done,” said the Pink Petulance. “Now let’s get back to Earth; I want to get some photos of several Republicans running around in drag before that beam wears off.” And with that, a blast of the Spudmobile’s engines, and Morrissey blaring on the stereo, the Superblogger Duo zoomed back to earth, and the Billy Goat tavern for burgers.

Tune in next time, true believers, when Dr. Zero and the Pink Petulance meet ZOMBIE RUMSFELD!

(Previous adventure here.)

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Caption This Photo


*snicker* Does he realize his jacket is stuffed into the back of his pants?

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Chavez: Bush is the devil

“The devil came here yesterday," Chavez said, referring to Bush's address [at the UN] on Tuesday and making the sign of the cross. "He came here talking as if he were the owner of the world."

No, Mr. Chavez—Bush isn’t the devil. I’ve seen the devil’s work. He’s competent.

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