Shakesville

Best Headline Ever

Mountain Resembles Breasts.

A mountain in China looks like a pair of breasts.

The mountain, located 12km north of Zhenfeng town in the Guizhou province, is known locally as dual breast mountain.

The mountain is used as a place of worship by the community.

So, here’s what I love about this story. They’re mountains, right?—so presumably they’re been there for, oh I don’t know, millions of years. What made today the day to publish the story about how they resemble a set of breasts? Was it kept on the back burner for a slow news day, or did they rush it to press (as it were) on the day it came in? LOL. These are the things that amuse me.

Those mountains, by the way, remind me of a pair of buildings in Lafayette, IN which are two domed buildings topped by round, domed skylights. When we used to travel regularly to Lafayette, which is where my grandmother lived, I always used to think those buildings were hilariously inappropriate. (I think they may have been a women’s health center, no less.) I tried to find a picture of them, but couldn’t. I don’t even know if they’re still there, but they were a great source of amusement to me when I was 10.

The Power of Love

A cliché, to be sure, thanks in no small part to that daft canary Huey Lewis. (The heart of rock and roll indeed.) But wev. Love can be transformative, and I adore such stories. Here is a particularly good one. And here’s another. All because Brady and J decided to marry, in spite of the state telling them they couldn’t.

The Mother of Satan and the season of fear

From all accounts - and actual information is still trickling in - British intelligence did indeed preempt a deadly terrorist plot, working patiently over many months, using tools of actual law enforcement. Those are facts, and cause for both celebration and caution. The hysterical pitch of the media, on the other hand, is giving me a headache. Yesterday, I listened to NBC talking head Brian Williams describe his recent trip to London with his kids, marveling aloud at having landed in not just another country, but another world. This morning, Tania Hernandez of ABC breathlessly asked, "What if the terrorists were unstoppable?" and invited us to see (right after the commercial break) what exploded airliners look like. ABC also introduces to mainstream America (with a barely restrained glee, or so it seemed) that charming sobriquet for the explosive substance acetone peroxide, "The Mother of Satan," which sounds way sexier and much more au currant than old-fashioned C-4. And I won't even attempt to sample the blogosphere, which would be like trying to drink The Mother of Satan from a firehose.

You can be sure that the miasma of fear - generated less by the event than our reaction to it - will be dutifully reproduced and exploited by the cynical and avaricious (generally meaning Republicans from George Bush and Dick Cheney to, uh, Joe Lieberman) to validate wrong-headed wars that do more to create terrorists than they eliminate. And we still have at least four weeks left in the official fear season. As far as the Bush administration is concerned, September 11 is a national holiday.

My advice is to work as hard as you can to separate yourself from the noise machine, and to pan actual fact from the rushing stream of hysteria. Adopt the viewpoint of Bill Threlkeld, as quoted in a New York Times article:

Stay home. Read a book. Tend your garden. Make love. Drink wine. But most of all — stay home.

But if you must fly, remember to pack the hair gel in your checked bag.

(Cross-posted.)

America, In One Story

If Martians land tomorrow, and ask me to describe for them the country in which I live, I’m just going to tell them about Janet Wilson.

Janet Wilson is a 52-year-old, legally blind Quaker who demonstrates against the war with a group of other Quakers and peace activists once a week. She carries a sign that bears a peace symbol and the word “peace” in both English and Spanish.

Last Saturday, Janet had her sign ripped from her hand and destroyed by a passer-by who jumped out of his Hummer, which was towing a trailer done in camouflage and covered by a domed tent, to scream at them to support the troops. After yelling at them and smashing their signs, he then left.

This, I will tell my new extraterrestrial friends, is America. It’s a country in which we have to fight wars to ensure we can continue to fuel both our dependence on oil and our gas-guzzling vehicles, but we fight these wars under the pretense of delivering freedom—which, by our own country’s definition, includes freedom of speech. Ironically, I will say, as the aliens each fix their single great, pulsing eye on me curiously, it is men like the sign-wrecking Hummer driver, whose hubristic refusal to sacrifice even the most easily expendable of his resource-gobbling habits, for whom we must fight these wars, and, in further expression of his luxurious ignorance, he is the most likely to believe that the war is being fought for the very freedoms he yet resents in his own country. And while he will be first to demand that others support the troops, he would be last to lay his own life on the line alongside them.

The Martians will pause for a moment, I imagine, and then gently explain they will seek out kinder shores, before returning to their spacecraft.

“What does that thing run on?” I’ll ask.

“Reason,” they’ll tell me, and I won’t bother asking for the blueprints, but instead wish them well on their journey.

(Hat tip Fritz.)

Know What This Is?

Further proof that we are a nation of dummies. The graphic charts the results of an international survey of attitudes toward evolution. Well, at least we’re cleverer than Turkey.

More at Pharyngula, where PZ discusses the two biggest indicators of a disbelief in evolution. You’ll never guess what they are.

And Creature has more, too, including this observation by one of the study’s authors: “American Protestantism is more fundamentalist than anybody except perhaps the Islamic fundamentalist, which is why Turkey and we are so close.” Nice.

Perspective

And who better to deliver it than a Kung-Fu Monkey?

"Wait, Aren't You Scared?"

Errr, no. And if you are, you frankly should be a little goddam embarrassed.

No false bravado and it's not that I don't take terrorism seriously. I do, which I why I voted for the guy who believed in securing our ports and fighting terrorism with criminal investigation methods -- which is, if we may remind everybody, how this particular plot was busted.

It is nothing short of totally surreal to watch the GOP use this as yet another opportunity to declare the Democrats “soft on terror” while simultaneously congratulating Britain on a job well done, having done the exact same thing that Democrats advocate.

The Flying Shards of a Better Tomorrow

If you haven't seen it yet, be sure to head over to C&L and check out the clip of the Daily Show's new Middle Eastern Correspondent, Aasif Mandvi. They take apart the "growing pains/opportunity" talking point, with a particularly stinging zinger at the end. Not only that, he's really easy on the eyes.

Rrrowrr..

(You can't make hummus without mashing a few cross-posts.)

Two-Minute Nostalgia Sublime

Hill Street Blues

Question of the Day

Suggested by Constant Comment... What's your favorite sculpture?

This probably isn't my favorite, but the first one that comes to mind is the Chicago Picasso. I love the sculpture itself, but I also dig the vibe around it, as it just stands sort of tall and stoic and beautiful while people scurry about their business in its midst.

Just for the record…

No. No, no, and more no. No.

Jessica Simpson is in talks to star in a remake of ‘Working Girl’.

The ‘Dukes of Hazzard’ actress is desperate to land her first starring role in a film and has her sights set on playing Tess McGill – the role which won Melanie Griffith an Oscar in the original 1988 movie.

Her spokesperson told the New York Daily News: “It is one of the scripts Jessica is considering.”

In ‘Working Girl’ Tess McGill is a fresh-faced secretary with big dreams of one day becoming the boss - and the 25-year-old blonde is convinced this is the perfect role for her to make her mark in Hollywood.

No.

(And why the fuck do we need a remake of Working Girl, which is a great film that’s not even 20 years old, anyway?! For cripes sake, Melanie Griffith, Sigourney Weaver, and Harrison Ford could practically still make the movie! Harrumph.)

You’re On Notice

Tread carefully Bolton’s Moustache, Hypertension, Forever Stamps, Little Poop Butts, The Bush Gut, Mango Juice, Lance Mannion, and Explosive Liquids. You’re on notice.

None of these is beyond redemption, with a little patriotic effort (or, failing that, just going away—I’m looking at you, Bush Gut). Except for Mannion. He’s always up to no good and likely to be permanently On Notice.

(Via Fritz.)

Kaboom

Former US Ambassador to the UN Richard Holbrooke, writing for the WaPo:

Two full-blown crises, in Lebanon and Iraq, are merging into a single emergency. A chain reaction could spread quickly almost anywhere between Cairo and Bombay. Turkey is talking openly of invading northern Iraq to deal with Kurdish terrorists based there. Syria could easily get pulled into the war in southern Lebanon. Egypt and Saudi Arabia are under pressure from jihadists to support Hezbollah, even though the governments in Cairo and Riyadh hate that organization. Afghanistan accuses Pakistan of giving shelter to al-Qaeda and the Taliban; there is constant fighting on both sides of that border. NATO's own war in Afghanistan is not going well. India talks of taking punitive action against Pakistan for allegedly being behind the Bombay bombings. Uzbekistan is a repressive dictatorship with a growing Islamic resistance.

That’s just the first paragraph. And it only goes downhill from there.

Of primary concern is that we are currently being led by a group of people who have no idea how to address any of it in an effective, competent manner. Says Holbrooke: “Unfortunately, there is little public sign that the president and his top advisers recognize how close we are to a chain reaction, or that they have any larger strategy beyond tactical actions.” This shouldn’t be a partisan concern. Irrespective of ideological differences on a whole quiver of social and domestic issues, anyone with a lick of sense ought to be gravely distressed by the administration’s deeply flawed foreign policy. About the only people I can imagine feeling secure with Bush at the helm right now are those whose entire position on the Middle East is “Blow the fuckers to kingdom come.” But, you know, that’s not technically what international experts call “a good idea.”

I fear for the worst and hope for the best—and prepare myself for calamitous disappointment.

(Hat tip Michael.)

Caption This Photo

"I am NOT a poodle!"
(How come every picture I see of Tony Blair looks like he spends his evenings doing torch drag? His make-up never looks right. It reminds me of this guy with whom I used to work who was a drag queen and thought it was some big secret. When he finally "came out" to me, he was flabbergasted that I wasn't surprised. "How did you know?!" "Because you come into work with fingernail glue on your nails, foundation in the roots of your hair, and the gray traces of badly washed mascara around your eyes." "Well, fuck me, Sherlock!")

Dosey Daley

People have been accusing Chicago’s Mayor Daley for being completely nuts since before he took office. Sometimes, he is rather batty, but one of the things people laughed about for ages was his determination to “green” Chicago. They’re not laughing anymore.

The greening project grew strong roots, giving Chicago a reputation as one of the nation's most committed environmental cities of any size. The company it keeps is not Newark and Detroit, but Portland and Seattle.

…Since Daley began investing tax dollars in greening the city, Chicago has planted as many as 400,000 trees, according to city spokesmen. It employs more arborists than any city in the country. There are 2.5 million square feet of green roofs completed or under construction, boosted by expedited permitting and density bonuses for developers who embrace the concept.

…On other fronts, the city provides 10,000 bike racks and announced a goal of quintupling bike lanes to 500 miles by 2015. The city spent $3.1 million on a bike station at Millennium Park that has 300 indoor bike spaces, along with lockers and showers.

…The City Hall roof, planted with more than 150 varieties of plants, is often 50 degrees cooler in summer than nearby asphalt roofs, whose temperatures can reach 170 degrees. It also houses beehives.

…Earlier this year, the city issued $1 million in grants for solar thermal panels that generate hot water. Staffers focused on high-volume water users, including laundromats and health clubs. For the past year, the city has waived a service fee -- typically $5,000 to $50,000 -- for developers willing to install a green roof.

…A new roof on Chicago's vast convention center will channel 55 million gallons of rainwater a year into Lake Michigan instead of overburdened storm drains.

There’s still a long way to go to make Chicago really green. The traffic alone is an ecological nightmare. But I’m impressed with what Daley has done, much of which was during the decade I lived in Chicago, and all of the improvements made didn’t hurt my pocketbook. Public transportation fares went up once in that entire decade, and my property taxes were not remotely outrageous.

Daley’s up for reelection soon, and I hope he wins again. He’s good for Chicago. In fact, he is Chicago—bombastic, funny, determined, interesting, and slightly mad.

It Was Scotland Yard, Not You

Yes, he's that transparent. Even the MSM is admitting it.

Bush Seeks Political Gains from Foiled Plot

CRAWFORD, United States (AFP) - US President George W. Bush seized on a foiled London airline bomb plot to hammer unnamed critics he accused of having all but forgotten the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks.

Weighed down by the unpopular war in Iraq, Bush and his aides have tried to shift the national political debate from that conflict to the broader and more popular global war on terrorism ahead of November 7 congressional elections.

Yeah, that popular war! Not that stoopid nerdy Iraq war... no one pays attention to that, anyway.

Oh, and Bush may have not "all but forgotten the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks," after all, he shoves them in our face whenever it's politically convenient to do so.. but he has "all but forgotten" someone else.

Q Mr. President, in your speeches now you rarely talk or mention Osama bin Laden. Why is that? Also, can you tell the American people if you have any more information, if you know if he is dead or alive? Final part -- deep in your heart, don't you truly believe that until you find out if he is dead or alive, you won't really eliminate the threat of --

THE PRESIDENT: Deep in my heart I know the man is on the run, if he's alive at all. Who knows if he's hiding in some cave or not; we haven't heard from him in a long time. And the idea of focusing on one person is -- really indicates to me people don't understand the scope of the mission.

Terror is bigger than one person. And he's just -- he's a person who's now been marginalized. His network, his host government has been destroyed. He's the ultimate parasite who found weakness, exploited it, and met his match. He is -- as I mentioned in my speech, I do mention the fact that this is a fellow who is willing to commit youngsters to their death and he, himself, tries to hide -- if, in fact, he's hiding at all.

So I don't know where he is. You know, I just don't spend that much time on him, Kelly, to be honest with you.

I hope that the press remembers to ask Bush where the fuck Osama is, and why Al Qaeda is still such a threat since "He has no place to train his Al Qaeda killers anymore," before they start licking his balls over this "victory" that apparently wasn't enough to keep him awake during his vacation.

As always, I won't be holding my breath.

(One freaking day of this bullshit, and I'm already sick of it.)

Crap

Diamond Says Woman Broke Into Hotel Room

OMAHA, Neb. - Dustin Diamond, who played geeky Screech Powers on the '90s teen comedy "Saved by the Bell," says he scuffled with a woman at an Omaha hotel earlier this week.

Diamond, who performed at the Funny Bone Comedy Club Thursday through Sunday, told a Tampa, Fla., radio station that a woman broke into his room in a west Omaha hotel early Monday morning.

Diamond said the woman grabbed some video games, and he held her against the hotel room door until police arrived.

The 28-year-old woman denied attacking Diamond and told police he had assaulted her.

Omaha Police Sgt. Teresa Negron said no charges have been filed.

Damn. I guess I'm going to have to put off my "Kidnap Mario Lopez" plans for a few weeks until the heat dies down.

Homina-homina.

The Greatest Screengrab in the History of the Universe

Someone find out who that guy is, because I want to buy him a drink. Maybe five.

(Energy Dome tip to Dependable Renegade)

You Do the Math

The Heretik, posting on the “Everyone But Bush Is Nuts Syndrome,” reports that 60% of Americans now oppose the war in Iraq.

Meanwhile, Think Progress reports that 39% of Americans believe American Muslims should “carry special ID” because they are not loyal to America. “That same number admit that they do hold some ‘prejudice’ against Muslims.”

And according to my survey, 1% of Americans believe they live on Mars.

How does he sleep at night?

Just fine, thank you.

Bush, who had gone to his Texas ranch for an 11-day working vacation, “had full briefings through the weekend’’ on the matter, according to Tony Snow, the White House press secretary.

Bush had gone to sleep Wednesday night advised that British authorities would make their move, he said.

Really? Our closest ally attempting to bust-up a plan to “commit mass murder on an unimaginable scale," on American airliners no less, doesn’t warrant an all-nighter? Huh.

For The Record...

Wingnuts, take note:

1. No one is suggesting that Bush and/or Blair somehow planned or masterminded the foiled terrorist plot.

2. Being angry that this plot was known about for several days, and extra safety steps were not taken in the U.S., is not a conspiracy theory. (Shakespeare's Sister: "Nor is considering the fact that their actions are a possible indication that this plot wasn't as potentially devastating as they're making it out to be.") It is perfectly understandable that the plot was not "announced" because they didn't want to "tip their hand." Fine. Just don't wait until after the attempt to start banning liquids and being more strict in safety measures.

3. It is not a conspiracy theory to suggest that opportunistic Republicans will now use this foiled plot to label Democrats "weak on terrorism," and to scare Americans into voting Republican. They've done it before, you know it and we know it.

Don't accuse us of conspiracy theories that don't exist.

(Only you can prevent cross-posts.)