A bunch of people have emailed me about the NY Times article that reports: “The National Asset Database, as it is known, is so flawed, the inspector general found, that as of January, Indiana, with 8,591 potential terrorist targets, had 50 percent more listed sites than New York (5,687) and more than twice as many as California (3,212), ranking the state the most target-rich place in the nation.”
Obviously, this is absurd. But here’s why I’m not laughing. The busiest international port in the entire Great Lakes region sits about 5 minutes away from my house, and, like every other port in the nation, thanks to some spectacular Congressional legislation in April, its cargo is still largely uninspected. Indiana remains a likely throughway for the materials which could be used in a terrorist attack, so while the government dicks around earmarking money to protect Old MacDonald’s Petting Zoo, they continue to ignore a gaping hole in our national security that makes Indiana a primary target for exploitation. We’re target-rich, all right. It’s just not for reasons to which anyone’s paying attention.
Target: Indiana
The Sillywalkers
Neddie Jingo on Little Stupid and Big Stupid:
[W]hen fresh evidence of the man's appalling intellectual shortcomings comes to light, a kind of conflict is set up in the head. You remember how comedic ridicule of his casual inarticulacy serves to call attention away from the frank evil that he commits: In many minds, the Little Stupid of "I'm the Decider" serves to overshadow the Big Stupid of the occupation of Iraq. It's when Big Stupid and Little Stupid declare themselves simultaneously that it becomes horrifyingly clear just how deep is the shit we're in.And oh, the excruciating irony that the reasons we’ve been plunged into such an execrable mess have also been the fertile ground of Bush’s success. The obstinate dumbness (Little Stupid) that reveals itself in Bush’s mush-mouthed mispronunciations and malapropisms, his garbled bumbling and contemptible foolishness, are the basis of his aw-shucks persona that appeal so keenly to hoi polloi who view the educated—and education itself—as hostile, actively seeking to expose them as the rubes they claim to be proud to be. It is, after all, the great unacknowledged truth of those who are ill-informed and uneducated that they hate being that way, that they are embarrassed of their intellectual station and fear being revealed.
A generation or two ago, working class mothers and fathers spoke openly about their lack of education, imparting to their children and grandchildren the importance of school and the currency of knowledge, often using their own circumstances as the threat of what could happen without it. My grandmother, who was a wise and intelligent and incredibly well-read woman, who worked outside the home long before the term “working mother” was even part of the lexicon, used to tell me how I needed to be “smarter” than she; I needed to go to college. I’ve friends with immigrant parents who say the same, in the same urgent tones, to their children—but among long-time white American families (the Bush base), people like my grandmother don’t exist anymore, people who saw formal education as the key to success, even as they spent their lives self-educating and never acknowledging its virtue to themselves.
Instead, the Bush base resents the promise of formal education and eschews the merits of self-education, masking their own lack of knowledge behind a false pride in simplemindedness, as if consciously remaining obstinately dumb is its own justification. They are conveniently supported by a particular incarnation of modern Christianity, which demonizes education and reassures them that the “gut-think” they esteem is rooted in faith. (Another difference here: My grandmother lived at a time when the church was a primary educator for the working classes.)
Should an inopportune slice of reality threaten to undermine their fragile imprudence, or their counterfeit pride of it, they have a rather shocking capacity to succumb to willful ignorance (Big Stupid), deliberately remaining intent on their poorly conceived convictions in spite of all evidence to the contrary. That Bush ignores “reality,” as he is so often accused of doing, is not a shortcoming in their estimation, but an admirable attribute. He stays the course, determinedly asserting his rightness, which makes it so. As long as you never have to admit you’re wrong, you can always claim that you’re right.
The aversion to admitting error seems inexplicable, but it is rooted in the abovementioned fear of exposure as unintelligent. A person who values knowledge admits a mistake with less worry, because everyone makes mistakes even in the best of circumstances, but the Bush base worries that they will be seen as too stupid to have known better in the first place. Perhaps, they worry, the reason I was wrong is because I am dumb. It’s a thought they don’t like, and so they try to avoid it at all costs.
Exemplifying these attributes has made Bush their perfect leader. Indeed, he is both Little Leader and Big Leader. Little Leader validates them by being just like them. Big Leader allows them, by virtue of such goofy dimness subverting the image of a classic authoritarian, to deny being authoritarian cultists who actively support the diminishment of our nation. It’s ever so much easier to ignore the dangers of supporting a tyrant to assuage your own fears when you’re not expected to goosestep, but sillywalk.
Magicians
They never fail to amaze. Just when you think right-wing blowhards have scraped the bottom of the barrel clean, they manage to dig through and find another layer. Michael Savage, apparently insanely jealous of all the attention Ann Coulter's been getting lately, opened his piehole and let this mess of offal slide out:
On the July 6 broadcast of his nationally syndicated radio show, Michael Savage declared that "[l]iberalism is, in essence, the HIV virus" because it "weakens the defense cells of a nation." Savage described the "defense cells of a nation" as including the police, which have been undermined by the "ACLU viruses," and the military, which has been weakened by "[Sen.] Barbara Boxer [D-CA] viruses." Savage also claimed the liberalism "virus" has weakened "the church ... particularly the Catholic Church."(Bolds mine)
[...]
Upon re-airing the monologue on the July 7 broadcast of The Savage Nation, Savage boasted that it was "one of the best verbal pieces I've ever done in my years in radio" and that the monologue was "almost flawless."
I find myself at a loss at how to even begin to speak about this.
“Why We Have Leaks” by Rep. Peter Hoekstra (R-Lunatic)
"More frequently than what we would like, we find out that the intelligence community has been penetrated, not necessarily by al Qaeda, but by other nations or organizations," he said.Creature: “WTF is Rep. Hoekstra talking about?”
"I don't have any evidence. But from my perspective, when you have information that is leaked that is clearly helpful to our enemy, you cannot discount that possibility," he added.
Drum: “The Dr. Strangelove-ification of the congressional Republican caucus continues apace.”
Shakes: “Hello, United Airlines? Yes, can you please tell me what the cheapest one-way airfare out of Bizarro World is?”
Five Words to Send Chills Down Your Spine
…especially when uttered by the head of the Justice Department’s office of legal counsel: The president is always right.
He is also kind, gracious, handsome, fair, and always gets 100% of the vote because his people love him.
(Hat tip to The Green Knight.)
can you hear the sirens?
The whaaaaambulance is coming down the street! Who is it coming for? The SeaScouts, who are part of the Boy Scouts of America.
You see, the city of Berkeley pays berthing fees for non-profits who do not discriminate (i.e., Big Brothers/Big Sisters, Habitat for Humanity, etc…) who use the marina. The public policy of discrimination of the BSA against gays and atheists violates the city’s policy, therefore, the city will not pay for the SeaScouts to use the marina.
It’s pretty simple:
Non-profit that is open to everyone (re: the public) = can get public money
Non-profit that practices discrimination = not getting public money
But, you see, this concept is not so easily grasped by the SeaScouts. They have sued the city and have now taken it up to the Supreme Court of the US (California SC ruled in favor of the city):
SAN FRANCISCO – The Berkeley Sea Scouts asked the U.S. Supreme Court on Tuesday to overturn a lower court decision requiring the group to pay berthing fees at the Berkeley Marina.
[...]
The city revoked free berthing privileges for the Berkeley Sea Scouts because the Boy Scouts bar atheist and gay members, which violates the city’s 1997 policy to provide free berthing to nonprofits that don’t discriminate.
City officials told the Sea Scouts that the group could retain its berthing subsidy, valued at about $500 monthly per boat, if it broke ties with the Boy Scouts or disavowed the policy against gays and atheists.
The SeaScouts refused to break ties or denounce the discriminatory policies, claiming it was unconstitutional to make them do so.
The SeaScouts/BSA are, of course, free to discriminate against whoever they want but they cannot expect to get public, taxpayer money to support their group activities if they aren’t open to, well, the public.
Cheney’s No Kitten, Bitchez
President Vladimir Putin lashed out at Vice President Dick Cheney ahead of this weekend's G-8 summit…Snap!
Cheney, in a May speech in the ex-Soviet republic of Lithuania, accused Russia of cracking down on religious and political rights and of using its energy reserves as "tools of intimidation or blackmail."
Asked about Cheney's remarks, Putin said, "I think the statements of your vice president of this sort are the same as an unsuccessful hunting shot."
Of course, Russia indeed has a lot for which to answer. Putin’s own former economic advisor, Andrei Illarionov, describes the country as “two sides, two countries. One is a country of bureaucracy, the disregard of law, a country of lawlessness, of backwardness and non-freedom. The authorities are on that side and they are terrorizing the other country, the country of citizens.” Huh. Sounds familiar.
Which is why Putin might just be agitated enough by Mr. Kettle calling him black to suggest his comments are like a hunting shot that hits another man instead of a quail.
(Thanks to my girlfriend Miller for passing that one along.)
More Voting Shenannigans
I posted about this a little while ago. (Bolds mine)
Chances of Voting Rights Act Renewal Dim
WASHINGTON - A conservative backlash to the massive street demonstrations over immigration is aggravating Republican leaders' carefully orchestrated plans to renew the landmark Voting Rights Act before the fall elections.It's very simple. If you are an American citizen, and you wish to vote, you should be able to have your ballot and election materials in your preferred language. Period. There is absolutely no reason to go "English only," other than bigotry and discriminatory practices.
After Latinos came out in greater force than they have in decades to protest a House-passed immigration bill, conservatives persuaded Republican leaders not to force a vote last month to extend for 25 years the law that requires bilingual ballots in precincts with large non-English-speaking populations.
They joined with a group of Southern Republicans who object to extending the law's requirement that nine states have federal oversight decades after they quit hindering blacks' access to voting booths through Jim Crow laws.
[...]
Immigration and civil rights groups and lawmakers who support them are mobilized for a fight over what they see as the latest in a long history of attempts to undercut burgeoning political influence of racial minorities.
"The historical record suggests that when minority communities are in a position to exercise political power, efforts to limit that exercise of power follow," said Debo Adegbile, associate director of litigation at the NAACP Legal Defense and Educational Fund.
Since 1975, the Voting Rights Act has required ballots and other election assistance in languages other than English in jurisdictions where at least 5 percent of voting-age citizens are not proficient in English and literacy rates are below the national average.
As part of its immigration debate earlier this year, the Senate voted to make English the official national language. That effort has flowed into Voting Rights Act deliberations, even though the law applies only to American citizens.
Opponents say renewing the requirement to provide election assistance in other languages discourages people from learning English and is unconstitutional.
Some Republicans also have pushed for changes that require nine states — Alabama, Alaska, Arizona, Georgia, Louisiana, Mississippi, South Carolina, Texas and Virginia — to get "pre-clearance" from the Justice Department before making any voting or election changes.Well, here's something I can agree with. But I don't think the "pre-clearance" requirement should be scrapped; it should apply to all fifty states. Simply scrapping the requirement opens the gate to too many dirty tricks. Just because "they quit hindering blacks' access to voting booths through Jim Crow laws" for years doesn't mean it can't and won't happen again.
Civil rights activists see a recurring pattern. The post-Civil War era of Reconstruction brought for newly freed blacks a chance to vote, own land, get an education and participate in the political process. But many states passed Jim Crow laws segregating public places and denying ballots to blacks through literacy tests and poll taxes until passage of the 1965 law.That is exactly why this is so important. Republicans, realizing they're losing the support of Hispanics, are doing everything possible to strip them of their voting power. If we remove the safety measures we have in place to keep citizens from being disenfranchised, more and more people are going to suddenly find that their vote isn't valid, if it can be cast at all.
What followed its enactment were new efforts to weaken or dilute the effect of minority voters through redistricting and new voter registration rules, said the NAACP legal defense fund's Adegbile. "This is well-trodden ground," he said.
Just two weeks ago, the Supreme Court struck down a 2003 redrawing of a Texas congressional district by Republican designers who carved out 100,000 Hispanic voters and replaced them with 100,000 white voters to ensure the re-election of Rep. Henry Bonilla, R-Texas.
The court said the move trampled on Hispanics' voting rights as they were becoming a political force in the district.
And I guarantee these people won't be white Republicans.
UPDATE: Rachel Perrone of the ACLU contacted me with their response letter regarding Rep. Westmoreland using their VRA report to back up his claims stating there aren't any problems in Georgia, and that Section 5 should be expanded nationwide. I'll post the PDF (when I figure out how), but here is the relevant portion that she provided to me:
Any proposal to apply Section 5 nationwide is not meant to strengthen the VRA, but instead would be a “poison pill.” Currently, Section 5 is specifically directed at preclearing the voting changes of jurisdictions with both a history and continuing record of discriminating against racial and language minority voters. Over 12,000 pages of House and Senate testimony strongly support the continuing need for the expiring provisions of the VRA in the currently covered states. Making Section 5 apply nationwide, to states and localities without a similarly long and documented history of voting abuses against minorities, would make the statute overly broad and unable to meet the Supreme Court’s requirements that Section 5 be “narrowly tailored” and “congruent and proportional” to address the specific harms the VRA is designed to cure. It is critical that Section 5 and its coverage formula stay intact.
If Georgia officials feel the current coverage formula reaches states and localities that do not discriminate in voting, the bailout provision of the VRA works to ensure that the scope of Section 5 is not overbroad or otherwise constitutionally flawed. Congress designed the bailout formula to allow a jurisdiction that could demonstrate it had taken sufficient steps to remove bars to minority enfranchisement to be released from preclearance. All jurisdictions that have attempted to bailout from coverage since the last reauthorization have been able to do so successfully. If Georgia no longer discriminates against its minority voters, it can be removed from coverage. Unfortunately, the truth is that Georgia simply does not currently qualify as eligible to bailout from Section 5."
(Video killed the cross-post star...)
What a Shocker: Rove was Novak’s Source on Plame
Gotta love this AP lede, which pretty much sums it up:
Now that Karl Rove won't be indicted, now that the president won't fire him, now that it really doesn't matter anymore, more details of the Valerie Plame leak investigation trickle out.In his latest column, Robert Novak details his role in the whole mess, acknowledging that Karl Rove and CIA public information officer Bill Harlow were the two sources who confirmed Plame’s identity for his original column that outed her. His original source remains unnamed because “has not come forward to identify himself.” He also continues to claim that he “learned Valerie Plame's name from Joe Wilson's entry in Who's Who in America.” and “considered his wife's role in initiating Wilson's mission, later confirmed by the Senate Intelligence Committee, to be a previously undisclosed part of an important news story. I reported it on that basis.”
Honestly, I’m so over this whole thing. It was a huge disgrace, clearly perpetrated by members of the administration at the highest levels, well coordinated and concealed by a collection of lawbreaking, unethical scumbags who have not the slightest compunction about obfuscating, lying, or railroading to protect their own despicable asses, which is indicative of their usual behavior, and, essentially, they’re going to get away with this like they’ve gotten away with everything else. I’ve no faith that we will see justice laid upon this administration for any of their myriad of iniquities, and I just hope we can get through the next couple of years without much more damage. We won’t—but I’m still going to hope it, anyway.
Harrumph
So, I'm driving to work this morning, and I have Air America on the radio. During the Springer show, they often have song parodies that they play as bumpers. Today, they played a little number to the tune of "La Bamba," called something like "I Have-A the Bomb-A," sung by Kim Jong Il. They don't appear to have the song posted on the site yet; I'll update if they do.
Well, guess what? It was sung in a shrieking, hysterical, sterotypical "Asian" accent, filled with plenty of "Numbah ONE!" and "Cowabunnnnnga!" It didn't quite get to "me so horny" or "me rikey velly much!" territory, but jeez...
AA would never use a Stepin Fetchit or Frito Bandito voice in one of these things... why is it okay to mock Asians? This is progressive radio?
And no, Team America doesn't make it okay.
Here's the executive producer's contact info, if you're interested in griping.
(Cross-post...in the middle of our street...)
Question of the Day
TBogg reports that, with CleanFlicks having gotten the brutal Hollyweird Homosexual Jew Liberal Traitor Smackdown by mean-spirited activist judges, conservatives are already whining (the shock!—get me a fainting couch) that their movie studio conservaplants start making more wingnut-friendly films.
Punkass Marc has some splendid suggestions already, my favorite being Trading Places 2006:
Dan Ackroyd and Eddie Murphy star in a swap of hilarious proportions. Rich off affirmative action, Eddie Murphy lives the life of privilege. Working WASP Ackroyd can’t catch a break in this life… until Eddie’s malt-liquor-loving uncles get bored and decide to play the old switcheroo with them. Of course, once they meet a nice, upstanding white fellow, the drunk uncles realize the money and power’s been going to all the wrong places. They decide to keep Ackroyd as their wealthy heir and let Murphy rot in hell where he belongs. Fun for the whole family!That sounds awesome. And in true conservative fashion, boobies-wielding hussy Jamie Lee Curtis has been left out entirely.
The QotD, natch, is: What’s your plot for a conservative-friendly film?
Remember—no sex, but violence is fine. No gay or feminist references, but subjugation of women and gays is encouraged. And no brown people, unless they die in the first act or get a good comeuppance!
My submission is I.I.: The Illegal Immigrant. Directed by a less Jewy version of Steven Spielberg, I.I. is the heartwarming tale of a Mexican alien who falls off the back of a coyote truck which has ferried him illegally across the border and wanders around, scared and aimless, until he is befriended by a small white boy from a broken home. Desperate for male attention in light of his mother’s whorish determination to work outside the home, he brings I.I. home and hides him in his sister’s closet—which provides one of the most memorable scenes of the films, as Motherwhore fails to notice I.I., hidden imperceptibly among her daughter’s stuffed toys, as he is cleverly (and hilariously!) disguised with a sombrero and bottle of Dos Equis. All hell breaks loose when I.I. begins to “infect” the boy with a deep empathy for people of color from poor countries—and I.I. is swept away to a Halliburton Detention Center while the boy is sent to be reconditioned at the Grover Norquist School for Wayward Youth. The End.
“Fear mongering the likes of which we have not seen in a long time”
John Dean, author of the splendid Worse Than Watergate and a new book called Conservatives Without Conscience, spent some time with Keith Olbermann discussing a massive study that has been going on for 50 years and amounts to “a remarkable analysis of the authoritarian personality,” which is found almost exclusively among conservatives. (There may be some science, in other words, behind the notion that organizing Lefties is like herding cats.) If you can, watch the whole thing. It’s not only fascinating, but informative—particularly the bit about how authoritarians require and best coalesce around an enemy. Raw Story has a rough transcript if you can’t view the video.
Paid for Doing Nuttin
Today the National Journal published a list of salaries for the 403 White House staffers. Here are the four most overpaid:Just…wow. Must be nice to be taking home six figures for being the Director of Lessons Learned for the Bush administration.
And yes, there is a White House Director for Lessons Learned. We aren’t making this up.
Memo to Karl Rove: Tell the president not to tease reporters in sunglasses. They may be legally blind.
I believe these positions are what Mr. Shakes would refer to as "mooney for oold roope," otherwise known as "getting paid foor doing fook-all."
Caption This Photo
“I may only be a tiger cub, but, personally, I think Homeland
Relax, Hippies...
...there won't be any freaky clowns to scare you when you're tripping your balls off.
LONDON (AFP) - Organisers of a rock festival have been forced to change its circus theme after a number of ticketholders told them they had a phobia of clowns.Look, it's bad enough that clowns exist in the first place. To encourage people to dress and behave like these greasepainted lunatics is just irresponsible. Shame on you, concert promoters!
The "Bestival" event on the Isle of Wight, off England's south coast, in early September was to have encouraged festival-goers to dress up in curly red wigs and oversized shoes.
(And who's brilliant idea was that, anyway? "Yeah, we've having this huge psychedelic rock show... how can we really get everyone into it? I know... we'll encourage them to dress up like clowns. Nothing says "rock" like bozo hair and huge floppy shoes!")
Last year's "Cowboys or Indians" theme broke a world record for the biggest fancy dress party when 10,000 people turned up in disguise.Thousands of clowns in one place. Holy crap... if that isn't a sign of the world ending, I don't know what is. And yeah, if I had just dropped enough acid to kill a wildebeest, "mass panic" is a mild description of how I'd react if I suddenly found myself surrounded by a ton of fucking clowns.
But organisers feared thousands of clowns in one place could spark mass panic in the psychedelic atmosphere of the festival, which is popular with so-called "nouveaux hippies", the Times newspaper said Saturday.
Fear of clowns -- or coulrophobia -- has symptoms including shortness of breath, rapid breathing, irregular heartbeat, nausea, sweating and a sense of foreboding, The Times pointed out.Well, that, and the fact that they're fucking creepy and horrific could also be a little instigator.
Heavy make-up and bulbous noses, plus negative childhood memories of the supposed funnymen and women, are thought to be the root cause.
Say it with me, folks... Clowns and Drugs Just Don't Mix.
(This post is especially for Shakespeare's Sister, who hates clowns as much as I do. Actually, she probably never made it past the image at the top of the post, and is currently hiding under a blanket, whimpering.)
(When you cross-post down here with me...you'll float too!)
Barf
Some British wankers have compiled what they claim are the top 10 pick-up lines. Some examples from the list:
1. Was your father a thief? Because he stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.
2. Didn't it hurt when you fell from heaven?
3. You must be tired because you've been running through my mind all day.
4. The only things your eyes haven't told me is your name.
If anyone had the foolish notion to treat me as the intellectual equivalent of a spoiled parsnip by uttering one of those foul lines at me, I would kick him in the head.
Here’s the best part, from a publisher’s spokeswoman, on their having translated the pick-up lines into multiple languages:
”Our chat-up lines show budding English-speaking Romeos how to impress the girl of their dreams whatever country she is from, but it also allows British women to wise up to the charms and cheeky ways of foreign suitors.”Lucky gals. If only I’d had the benefit of their lady-smartening education, perhaps I would have thought twice about swooning when Mr. Shakes waxed romantic about how heaven must be missing an angel.
(For the record, the line that really did get me was: “Don't you just love Saturday mornings? Especially ones like today, when the rain is pelting off the window, the wind is whistling round the eaves, and you know you have nothing to do except tuck into your bacon rolls and slurp your tea. If you’re a lazy hog, who loves sitting by a roaring fire with your feet up and a book on your lap, then it's simply bliss.” It was a short distance from there to the two of us blissfully being lazy hogs on rainy Saturday mornings together.)
Has anyone ever successfully delivered a line like those listed above, or responded favorably to one? I can’t imagine it happening—aside from, perhaps, if it was delivered (and received) with a hefty dose of well-played irony.
India Bombings
I’ve been reading about this on and off all day, and frankly, don’t really know what to say about it, except something obvious and trite, like it’s horrific and utterly grim. And I wasn’t particularly keen to make a point about our failed foreign policy in the immediate wake of such a dreadful disaster. DBK pretty much sums it up for me:
It's a terrible tragedy that reminds us of all the similar terrible tragedies. We may disagree on the way in which to destroy the people and organizations that commit these horrendous murders, but there is no disagreement among good people when it comes to this: the people and organizations that commit such horrendous acts must be destroyed.Indeed.
Oh, Indiana, why do you shame me?
South Bend retrofuck jackholes have defeated an LGBT anti-discrimination measure for the second time by showing up in droves to the City Council’s four-hour hearing yesterday. Many of those who showed up to oppose the measure “wore stickers that said special status equals special rights.” The measure failed by a vote of 5-4.
You know, I agree with those stickers. The special status we hetero Hoosiers enjoy which allows us to live lives free of discrimination based on our sexual orientation does indeed confer upon us special rights—which is, I believe, what the measure was trying to remedy. Although something tells me that’s not exactly the interpretation the sticker-bearing bumblefucks had in mind.
Once again, I find myself ashamed of my state. Although, in good news, the city councils of Bloomington and Indianapolis unanimously approved LGBT anti-discrimination measures earlier this year and late last year, respectively. Now get it together, South Bend!
