The Pentagon made public a memo today that says captured enemy combatants like the Guantanamo detainees are to be given the protections of Common Article Three of the Geneva Convention.After instituting by court order what we should have been doing all along, flag-wrapped members of the Bush administration then celebrated with a giant circle jerk and mutual orgasm, during which they screamed, “Best country in the world!” Rumor has it that during the wind-down in the steam room afterwards, Karl Rove took a long drag on his cigarette then launched into a rhapsodic dissertation on how “fucking wicked cool it would be if we could jizz red and blue, too.”
USA! USA!
Seriously, Why Bother Having Them?
No wonder they're dicking around with so much knuckleheaded legislation. Congress literally hasn't the foggiest idea about what Americans really want from them.
"But we've filled out hundreds of petitions with thousands of signatures online and sent them to Congress!" you cry.
Well, luckily for them, Congress uses a spam blocker that will prevent your petition from sullying their inboxes, you annoying little subhuman.
The First Amendment of the Constitution guarantees every citizen's right "to petition the government for a redress of grievances."(Emp. mine) Yeah, what a nuisance. Listening to Americans... feh. It's not like that's their job or anything.
It's this passage in the Constitution that has allowed porn magnate Larry Flynt to continue sending free copies of Hustler to all members of Congress for 32 years.
Though several have gone to the courts to stop Flynt's gifts from arriving in their mailboxes, the court have always ruled that the Constitution requires members of Congress to take receipt of the glossy, hard-focus smut.
Despite this, more than 60 of our elected officials have installed a filter called "Logic Puzzle" to spare them the nuisance of receiving mass emailings sent by American citizens.
"It's hard to tell how much is accomplished by jillions of online petitions and mass e-mailings. But this has been one of the last ways that a non-VIP can communicate with his/her 'representative.' They're supposed to be REPRESENTING US, remember?," exclaimed Tom Harper of Bring It On.Sounds like someone's got a case of the s'posedtas!
Bastards. Well, at least we can always take a hard copy of a petition directly to them, right? They'd have to accept that!
Oh, wait.
(By the way, Larry Flynt rules. Cross-post, can you hear me?)
I love this guy.
You've just got to admire anyone who makes life so interesting.
A year ago, Kyle MacDonald (leave it to a Scot) “set out to barter one red paper clip for something and that thing for something else, over and over again until he had a house.” Well, he got his house, with a little help from Craigslist, Corbin Bernsen, and Alice Cooper along the way.
It began when MacDonald, an aspiring writer, doer of odd jobs and apartment dweller, advertised in the barter section of the Craigslist Web site that he wanted something bigger or better for one red paper clip. He traded it for a fish-shaped pen, and posted on Craigslist again and again.You can read more about it at his blog, and, apparently, sign the Alice Cooper Hall of Fame Petition while you’re there, which will no doubt make my Londoner Andy quite pleased, Sick Thing that he is.
Roaming Canada and the United States, he exchanged the pen for a ceramic knob, and in turn: a camping stove, a generator, a beer keg and Budweiser sign, a snowmobile, a trip to the Canadian Rockies, a supply truck and a recording contract. Next, in April, he got himself really close, obtaining a year's rent in Phoenix…
(And, yes, I know Alice Cooper is a stinking Republican. Actually, I’m fairly certain I know more about Alice Cooper than any right-minded person should.)
Huh. Interesting.
So I click over to Amazon, and here's what I find halfway down the page:
Click to embiggen (thanks, Pica!).
"Combat ethnocentrism?" Pretty interesting, coming from such a red company. (Although they do seem to be a little more blue than they used to be.)
Just my little "Huh." for the day.
(Voulez-vous cross-post avec moi?)
Kathy Cooper
She really does love the gays.
I kid Anderson Cooper! He's very heterosexual. Ahem. (Via Queerty.)
Btw, I'm reading his book at the moment, Dispatches from the Edge, and it's rather interesting. I've been intrigued by my own reaction to it, as there are times when Cooper is going on about the adrenaline rush he seeks, and gets, by going to war and disaster zones, when I feel sort of revulsed by the thought of getting high on reporting others' misery. Not that Cooper isn't very introspective about it; I guess he's a little creeped out by that sometimes, too, and tells himself the same thing I'm telling myself as I read it: "People have to see these things. Someone's got to report it." And then there's the part of me that wonders what motivation to be a reporter who spends his or her time among death and despair would make me happy, as it were. Money? That's worse somehow. Altruism? That doesn't make for reporters, but aid workers. I don't know what I'd want to hear, or why, exactly, I want to hear something else in the first place.
Oh, Keith, you drunken rapscallion
Keith Richards has admitted the “coconut tree” out of which he fell in Fiji, resulting in having his head drilled and fluid drained from it, was actually just “a small bush.” No word on which one, though.
Thank you. I’ll be here all week.
Homophobic artists invited to perform at AIDS benefit concert
Pam Spaulding (hat-tipping Keith Boykin) asks a good question: "There is desperate need to educate minorities about HIV/AIDS, but why on earth would the music industry's non-profit arm LIFEBeat—which is supposed to combat ignorance and homophobia surrounding HIV/AIDS with education—sponsor an event featuring two artists who sing about killing gays and lesbians?"
LIFEbeat's sixth Hearts & Voices Concert Series benefit concert is a landmark event because it is bringing reggae artists together for the first time to face the issues surrounding HIV/AIDS next week, on July 18. This is a wonderful opportunity to reach an audience that needs a positive message, yet LIFEbeat is KNOWINGLY participating in the promotion of homophobic performers.
Beenie Man calls for hanging lesbians with a long piece of rope in his lyrics, and TOK encourages the burning and killing of gay men. From TOK's "Chi Chi Man":
From dem a par inna chi chi man car
Blaze di fire mek we bun dem!!!! (Bun dem!!!!)
From dem a drink inna chi chi man bar
Blaze di fire mek we dun dem!!!! (Dun dem!!!!)
The folks at LIFEBeat have lost their minds.
When Boykin emailed LIFEBeat's executive director John Canelli to ask about the strange decision to feature artists who advocate taking the lives of gays and lesbians at a concert designed ostensibly to save lives, Canelli replied that LIFEBeat "wanted to reach out to that segment of the community by using artists who could connect with them" and that it's "not his job" to address performers' homophobia.
Interestingly, he also told Boykin, "We didn't make the decision blindly. We knew there would be controversy." To this cynical ex-marketing director, that comes uncomfortably close to sounding like a deliberate decision to raise the profile of the concert—which is a fair enough marketing ploy until your desire to generate buzz actually starts to undermine the cause. Trading in on the infamy of virulently anti-gay performers to rachet up awareness of a concert whose proceeds are meant in part to save lives in the LGBT community is, to put it lightly, bad form.
Pam has a list of bloggers and media outlets covering the issue here, and contact information here. Also at Keith Boykin's here.
(Crossposted at AlterNet PEEK.)
Keep Your Jesus Off My Penis
OMFSM. Love love love love love it! Just watch. (Not worksafe, especially if you work with any Fundies.) Thanks to Tata for passing it along.
Imperial justice gives way to international law
Heroes willingly follow international law
Thanks to the Hamdan decision - a long overdue spanking by the Supreme Court - George Bush learns what Superman has long considered best practice: compliance with international laws governing armed conflict isn't optional. Not even for the War President.
Of course, it remains to be seen how the Bush adminstration will try to evade the spirit of the Conventions while paying lip service to the letter.
President Bush last week said that he “would comply’’ with the court’s ruling, but he has given no details of how he would do so.
Watch for it.
(Up, up, and a cross-post...)
The Medical Malpractice Myth
Ezra's got a great article in Slate worth a click.
Something I've noticed about the way the GOP frames their discussion of medical tort reform is that they have no compunction (big shock) about blurring the lines between medical tort reform and general tort reform, thereby allowing prejudices rooted in cases about suing over too-hot coffee to infect voters' conscious as they consider medical tort reform. One has nothing to do with the other, but because most people are truly sympathetic to people who are injured or lose family members via physician error, and not as sympathetic to people who are best represented by the most infamously strange corporate tort cases, it's in the GOP's best interest to let the confusion stand.
Get Back to Work, You Goddamned Idiots... AGAIN
Oh, for the luvva crumb cake. Some people never learn.
Did you know that everything is perfect right now? Magical things have happened. Every American has health insurance. The situation in Iraq? Couldn't be better. The world is a safer place. Everyone has enough money, enough to eat, and a job.
That's why Congress can waste their time with perfectly ridiculous wankery like this latest Mommy Legislation.
Online wagering under attack in CongressThe hell? And I suppose being addicted to, you know, crack itself doesn't put any strain on your wallet. But of course, this is how Congress works now... ignore an actual problem, like drug addiction... don't spend time or pass legislation to actually help addicts, provide treatment, and get them off the stuff... It's much easier to create a fake epidemic like online gambling, and make that your cause.
WASHINGTON - Gamblers who prefer their laptops to blackjack tables won't like what Congress is doing. On Tuesday, the House plans to vote on a bill that would ban credit cards for paying online bets and could padlock gambling Web sites.
The legislation would clarify existing law to spell out that it is illegal to gamble online.
To enforce that ban, the bill would prohibit credit cards and other payment forms, such as electronic transfers, from being used to settle online wagers. It also would give law enforcement officials the authority to work with Internet providers to block access to gambling Web sites.
[...]
Other conservative and antigambling groups are supporting the legislation, sponsored by Reps. Bob Goodlatte, R-Va., and Jim Leach, R-Iowa.
John Kindt, a business professor at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign who has studied the issue, calls the Internet "the crack cocaine" of gambling.
"There are no needle marks. There's no alcohol on the breath. You just click the mouse and lose your house," he said.
Because, like everything, it's all about the money, baby.
Online lotteries are allowed in the latest bill, largely at the behest of states that increasingly rely on lotteries to augment tax revenues.(Emp. mine) Yeah, how the fuck did that happen? This couldn't have anything to do with the fact that most of these online gambling companies are based outside the U.S., could it? Why should all those greenbacks be going outside the country, when they could be fattening the wallet of some rich asshole right here at home?
Pro-sports leagues also like the bill, arguing that Web wagering could hurt the integrity of their sports.
The horse racing industry also supports the bill because of the exemption it would get. Betting operators would not be prohibited from any activity allowed under the Interstate Horseracing Act. That law written in the 1970s set up rules for interstate betting on racing. It was updated a few years ago to clarify that betting on horse racing over the Internet is allowed.
Greg Avioli, chief executive officer of the National Thoroughbred Racing Association, said the mention of horse racing in the bill is "a recognition of existing federal law," not a new carve-out.
He said the racing industry has a strong future in the digital age and acknowledged the bill would send Internet gamblers to racing sites. "They'd return to the one place they can bet legally," Avioli said.
That's what some critics say is unfair.
"Somehow we find ourselves in a situation where Congress has gotten in the business of cherry-picking types of gambling," complained Rep. Robert Wexler (news, bio, voting record), D-Fla. Wexler had tried unsuccessfully to include exemptions for dog racing and jai alai, both popular in Florida.
After all, it's not like anyone ever lost tons of money to the lottery. Or horse racing. It's that goddamned online blackjack that's the culprit!
I'm getting really sick of these stupid Congressional actions that serve no purpose, other than to make the rich richer, while giving the appearance of actually giving a shit about Americans. This is stupid, this is a waste of time, and if this ever does make it to debate, I may start throwing things.
I'm sure there are people out there that could use some help. You know, after all that excellent work done for them already.
(Good heavens, Miss Cross-post, you're beautiful!)
An herbal remedy for government-induced dyspepsia
Disgruntled, tea-drinking liberal traitors take note: there's now a cure for what ails you.
Hold a Tea Party to overthrow King George!Mmm...Peach Mint tea comes complete with its own set of particular brewing instructions ("If the Bush Administration is bringing you to a boil, add one teaspoon and visualize impeachment. That's it; mission accomplished!") and 10% of the profits will be donated to ImpeachPAC. As they say, it makes a great gift. So drink up, you dirty liberals!
Is your country turning into a totalitarian state? Are you saddened by the destruction of our democracy? This zesty blend of high-quality black teas, infused with the aromas of ripening peaches and cool, dewy mint leaves, is sure to calm your nerves! Just drink up, and take "Mmm... Peach Mint" power into your own hands!
(Crossposted at AlterNet PEEK.)
Sad, Sad Wingnut
Puellasolis, Chemist, Eponymous, and probably some other people I'm forgetting have emailed me about the wingnut who took an article in The Onion seriously. I saw it last week, but didn’t post on it, because I felt so sorry for someone that dumb and humorless. But when the Shakers ask, the Shakers receive, and my condescending pity shall not stand in the way, so here it is in all its glory.
The Onion: I’m totally psyched about this abortion!
March Together for Life: Murder Without Conscience (and update here; still no humor nor shame)
Sigh.
A gruesome day in the news
The New York Times reports that an Iraqi insurgent group has released a video on the internet "showing the mutilated bodies of two American soldiers abducted in June and found murdered days later during a search by American and Iraqi forces south of Baghdad. A message with the video says the soldiers were killed out of revenge for the rape and murder of an Iraqi girl in March, a crime in which at least six American soldiers are suspects." One of the soldiers had been beheaded.
At The New Republic, Lawrence Kaplan passes on a shocking report from CNN's Nic Robertson, which details the beheading of a 15-year-old girl, the further details of which I will not share and will warn are upsetting, should you click through. The report, to my understanding, is unconfirmed.
And The Independent reports that, in Afghanistan, the Taliban is using beheadings and other violence to keep schools closed. "The letter pinned overnight to the wall of the mosque in Kandahar was succinct. 'Girls going to school need to be careful for their safety. If we put acid on their faces or they are murdered then the blame will be on their parents.'"
I have no thoughtful commentary, nor can I even engage any bitter sarcasm about "spreading freedom" or the like. All I can really manage is to say how truly, deeply disgusted I am by all of it, how unrelentingly angry I am when I recall the days during which we cast our eyes away from Afghanistan in favor of a war of choice in Iraq, where we were to be greeted as liberators.
(Links via Memeorandum; crossposted at AlterNet PEEK.)
Series of Tubes
OMG. Remember Senator Ted “an internet was sent by my staff” Stevens’ speech on net neutrality?
Just go listen. And then laugh and laugh and laugh. (Via ChezLark.)
Question of the Day
Suggested by King Cranky. What's your favorite revenge scene from literature or film?
The first one that came to my mind was a scene that we never see, but we know, we just know, it’s more horrible than we could imagine and still probably not as much as is deserved—and that’s the revenge of Marsellus Wallace upon “Mr. Soon-To-Be-Living-the-Rest-of-His-Shortass-Life-in-Agonizing-Pain Rapist here.”
Probably my favorite, though, is Inigo Montoya avenging his father’s death at the six-fingered hand of Count Rugen.
“Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya.
Uno, dos, tres...
Think Progress reports on a Republican mayor in New Jersey who is calling for a boycott of McDonald’s “if the fast-food chain does not take down a Spanish-language billboard advertising iced coffee.” (The guy, Steve Lonegan, is mayor of a town called—get ready for it—Bogota, which was apparently named “in honor of the Bogert family,” not after the Spanish-speaking Colombian capital.) Think Progress offers an amusing rejoinder to Lonegan’s conservative caterwauling, replete with images of the Army’s Spanish-language campaign.
Anyhoo, the reason Lonegan is all aflutter about the McDonald’s ad is that he finds it "offensive," "divisive," and imbued with the message “that Hispanic immigrants do not need to learn English.”"The true things that bind us together as neighbors and community is our belief in the American flag and our common language," Lonegan said. "And when McDonald's sends a different message, that we're going to be different now, that causes resentment."
Okay, so here’s the thing. I like living in a country that has allowed me to pick up lots phrases from other languages, even without trying. I don’t speak Spanish or French or Polish or Italian, but I can often understand something I’m reading or a conversation I’m hearing in any one of them just because so many bits of the languages have managed to work their way into my head from the ether. I could never hold a conversation in any of them, but I could probably communicate the need for help or ask where a bathroom is or order a drink. I can say please and thank-you, the two most important phrases in any language. I’ve even picked up enough of many other languages—Japanese, Russian, Greek—to offer a polite hello and howareya right before I would have to add “I only speak English.” (Or German, if I thought that would help.)
Erasing all trace of foreign languages from the public sphere strikes me as just another way to protect our ignorance, our isolationism. Just being exposed to advertisements and storefront signs and warnings and assembly instructions in other languages have given me an education I didn’t seek out, but absorbed nonetheless. It hasn’t done me any harm; in fact, I’m grateful for it.
I “get” the whole thing about needing to have a language standard in, for example, business communication, but that’s not really at issue here. At the center of Lonegan’s objections is the sense that multilingualism, even in advertising, is somehow divisive. Never in all my 32 years has not speaking the same language as someone seemed divisive to me. I’ve muddled my way through all kinds of conversations with people who didn’t speak English. When I used to work on Chicago’s Mag Mile, which is always populated with tourists, and would stand outside for a smoke, I might as well have had a sign that said “Information Booth” around my neck. Many an exchange between someone who spoke no English—and spoke a language I did not—resulted in cascading laughter as we mimed a game of sidewalk charades and spoke in pitiful, broken phrases to one another.
My mom loves to tell the story of when we traveled up to Nova Scotia to visit my dad’s brother, who had moved to Canada years earlier. He had married a German woman, and they had a son who was just three months younger than I was. The two of us were about three years old at the time, and I was counting something or other. “One, two, three…” My cousin piped up, challengingly, “Eins, zwei, drei, vier…” To which I responded, “Uno, dos, tres, cuatro, cinco…” I’d learned to count in Spanish from watching Sesame Street, a publicly funded show, once representative of a country and a government that embraced the vibrancy of difference.
