They Might Be Giants have a new topical ringtone for your cellphone that I'm sure you'll all enjoy.
(Energy dome tip to my buddy Grendel)
Catchy!
Maybe Gore just thinks you’re a douchebag.
In Washington the other day, I got a chance to tell Al Gore something I’d meant to say for a long time, which was that I thought his real strength, his real contribution, was as an observer—writer, explainer, outsider—and not as a politician.Well, I haven’t known Gore for decades, so take this for whatever it’s worth, but maybe he just said “umm” because he didn’t feel it was the appropriate venue to say “Yeah, well opinions are like assholes—everybody’s got one and they all stink,” or “Well, that and two bucks will get me across town,” or, simply, “Fuck you, Fineman.”
The new movie about him was evidence of that, I said. He gave me a blank, dismissive look, and an “umm” for a verbal response.
I’ve known and covered Gore for decades, so maybe his reaction was inspired by Groucho Marx, who always said that he would never join a club that would have him as a member. But I think the brusque reply carried a different message: don’t assume that I’m ready to be put out to that pasture just yet.
It seems hard to dispute that Al Gore finally has built the life he wanted—and that it is outside of electoral politics.Gee, you know, some people might suggest that the life Al Gore wanted was running the fucking country after winning the election, moving the country forward, as opposed to the wild ride Mr. Toad’s been taking us on the past give years. Of course, the press didn’t seem to notice that there was only one guy who really seemed to want the job—and most, importantly, to assume the responsibilities it entailed, no less be prepared for them—back when you were stitching tales about Gore claiming he invented the internets and lauding Bush as a man of the people, so I don’t guess I’m surprised that you fail to consider it now, either.
Fineman, after winding his way through all the reasons Gore probably isn’t—and shouldn’t—consider a presidential run, finally ends up with a list of all the things Gore has been right about: “the concerns about global warming, the implications of the rise of the internet, the need to be wary of deadly friction along the faultline between Islam and the West, his early and deep opposition to the launching a war in Iraq. It’s an impressive record.” And then, just for kicks, uses as his column’s dénouement:
“The reason people don’t like Gore is that he has been right so damn many times,” James Carville told me with an appreciate laugh.Oh, ho ho ho. You’re so witty, Carville, you suckass cracker. I guess that’s why the press loves Bush so goddamned much—because he’s never been right in his life.
College Democrats national convention in St. Louis
Word is out that CDA '06 - the national convention of the College Democrats - is headed for the heart of the heartland, St. Louis. The conclave takes place on July 20-23 at Saint Louis University in midtown. Scheduled speakers include Democratic National Committee chair Howard Dean, Congressman Wm. Lacy Clay of St. Louis, and Congresswoman Louise M. Slaughter of New York; other speakers (noted on local flyers but not yet listed on the CDA website) include former Vice President Al Gore, Senator Barack Obama, and Dem strategist James Carville.
Registration as well as travel information and some info on housing options are all available via the CDA '06 site. More information available by emailing the College Dem organization at Saint Louis University.
(Cross-posted just a stone's throw away from the convention site...)
Enron Verdict
UPDATE: Kenny-Boy has been convicted of all six counts against him, including conspiracy to commit securities and wire fraud.
Enron Corp. Chief Executive Jeffrey Skilling has been convicted of conspiracy to commit securities and wire fraud.
Eww! Bodies are grody!
Pam reports that no advertisements for “inappropriate products” will be allowed to air during the Pope’s visit to Poland—including beer, lingerie, and tampons.
When I was listening to a piece on NPR about it yesterday, it also mentioned that any billboards with ads for the same products mentioned above, as well as condom ads, would be covered up so Ratzi wouldn't have to avert his eyes or think about bodily functions or sexual urges as he tours the streets.Excuse me? Okay, I kind of understand the condom thing, since the Catholic Church is against birth control (even though I still regard the decision to pull condom ads to appease the Pope as ridiculous). But beer? Lingerie? And tampons?!
What’s so inappropriate about tampons? Frankly, considering the Catholic Church’s stance on contraception, which is the only thing—besides pregnancy, menopause, or disease—that can stop periods, I can’t for the life of me believe that there’s any good reason at all to object to a product that women need during menstruation. What’s the message here? That women’s reproductive processes are icky? Yeesh.
Hillary
It’s no secret that I’m not a huge fan of Hillary Clinton. Actually, to be more accurate, I’m not a huge fan of some of her politics; generally, I agree with her on a lot of things, and I admire her for a lot of non-political reasons. I don’t want her to be the 2008 Dem nominee, that much is true, but I also don’t like it when I see the press treating her like shit. While Bill Frist, who by any reasonable account is a lousy Senator, a crook, and a heartless twit, is being written up in the same paper as a scalpel-wielding superhero, with no mention of his many political failings nor his fashion choices, Hillary is done this dreadful disservice:
The two sides of Hillary Rodham Clinton -- the opposites that make her potential presidential candidacy such a gamble -- came into sharp focus Tuesday morning at the National Press Club.Atrios quips:
For the better part of an hour, the senator from New York held forth in a disquisition on energy policy that was as overwhelming in its detail as it was ambitious in its reach.
But the buzz in the room was not about her speech -- or her striking appearance in a lemon-yellow pantsuit -- but about the lengthy analysis of the state of her marriage to Bill Clinton that was on the front page of that morning's New York Times.
Apparently one "side" is her desire to talk about energy policy in a way which is "overwhelming in its detail as it was ambitious in its reach."And I think that’s almost right. But the last passage in the article suggests what “her other side” really is, according to Broder.
Her other side is, apparently, David Broder's obsession with her sex life. Two sides indeed.
Three times in the question-and-answer session, she referred to her husband as "Bill," praising him for seeing that his library in Little Rock incorporated a lot of energy-saving features.“Her other side” isn’t her sex life. It’s just her husband. The two sides to Hillary Clinton are Hillary…and Bill.
Other than that, the elephant in the room went unmentioned.
This drives me insane. I’m not even sure why “the elephant in the room” needs to be “mentioned,” no less how she could mention him to the satisfaction of those who feel he ought to be. What is she meant to say? “And of course you all must remember that my husband is Bill Clinton, who is a former president of the United States, and I’m only still married to him to ride on his coattails, and yes, you’re right, you’re right, you’re right, you’re all right, I don’t have an original thought in my head or any decent qualifications of my own—it’s all because of Bill that I stand before you today. I submit wholly to being his puppet, while also simultaneously keeping up the guise of this sham marriage out of my own ruthless ambition.” Would that do it? Would that, at long last, satisfy the members of the punditocracy who can’t extricate Hillary the Senator from their vision of Hillary Bill’s wife?
You know, I think Elizabeth Dole is an idiot, and yet I’ve never felt compelled to try to minimize her success (nor her failures) by referencing her husband, Bob Dole. And, as I recall, any suggestion that Dubya only made his way to the Oval Office by virtue of his name was treated by the press as more evidence of liberal sour grapes back in 2000—even though his qualifications for the presidency were less impressive than Hillary’s are now.
If Hillary has “two sides,” they are the public façade and the private life that any politician has. In the case of our current president, those two sides are much-lauded and celebrated, his private life engaging in brush-clearing heralded as proof of his everyman credentials, through carefully constructed contortions of the truth that turn an estate into a “ranch” and an Andover grad into a “cowboy.” The press goes along with all of it, ignoring glaring cracks in the artifice. The truth is plain as day before them, but they report the lie.
The truth about Hillary—that she is an ambitious and smart woman who deserves to be where she is on her own steam and talents, who happens to be married to a former president—lies before them, too, but they choose to ignore it. Did being married to Bill Clinton give her a leg-up in a Senate race? Sure. But does she have the capacity to have achieved the same had she been married to Joe Schmoe? Absolutely. In actual fact, Hillary’s star may have risen sooner had she been Hillary Rodham Schmoe, free to pursue her own political aspirations at a time when the life of Hillary Rodham Clinton required her to stand at the side of another political aspirant.
That’s the truth the press ignores. With all the assistance they’re desperate to convey Bill has given her, they miss the obvious anchoring affect he conceivably had as well. Hillary had to wait until his political career was over before she could start hers.
If it’s true, as Broder claims, that “the drama of the Clintons' personal life [will] be a hot topic if she runs for president,” I’d love to see the press cover that angle. What does it matter if the Clintons’ marriage is over? Hillary might have been more without it, rather than less.
It isn’t the two “sides” of Hillary that interests me; it’s the two Sliding Doors futures that stretched out before her decades ago. It would be nice if the press could see the same and give Hillary her due. But I guess that’s not nearly as interesting as musing about her pantsuit and the details of a marriage, the truth of which only the two people bound by it can ever know.
SOOOOOOOOUL PATROOOOOOOOL!!!
Your New American Idol: Taylor Hicks
Shakes: How the hell did this idiot win?
Mr. Shakes: George Bush is president. There's something very wrong with this country.
For those of you who don’t have the masochistic streak that compels you to watch this train wreck of a show, Taylor Hicks’ legions of fans called themselves the “Soul Patrol”—a moniker which annoyed me endlessly as: Taylor Hicks is to Soul as Shakespeare’s Sister is to Tall Thinness. And when he (inevitably) won, he immediately howled, “Sooooooooul Patrooooooool!” over and over as the most obnoxious shout-out ever to fans.
I, of course, developed a raging aversion to El Capitan Soul Patrol the moment he declared he chooses his songs because they have “family values.” You know, the same reason he won. Also, there’s his stage presence, which can best be described as Misfiring Neurotransmitter Chic.
But that’s the whole draw of American Idol—the train has to have a conductor driving it to its spectacular, fiery crash. So good night and good luck, Taylor Hicks. I’ll miss hating you.
“Unable to govern”
Angelos passed along the link to this video of Rep. Tim Ryan (D-Ohio) going for some Republican jugular on the floor of the House. Enjoy.
Hastert denies; ABC stands by its story
Hastert has demanded a “full retraction” from ABC of its report that he is under investigation for ties to erstwhile lobbyist and caged bird singing Jack Abramoff. A spokesperson for the Justice Department has also issued a denial that Hastert is “the subject of a probe.” (Oh, the dire imagery—shiver.)
But ABC is refusing to budge. Their federal law enforcement sources reiterated that “Jack Abramoff has provided information to the FBI about Hastert and a number of other members of Congress that have broadened the scope of the investigation.” Ultimately, the information provided about Hastert’s alleged dirty-dealings may prove unethical but not law unlawful, but, according to one federal official, “Whether they like it or not, members of Congress, including Hastert, are under investigation.”
Drum’s got a good post on how the rules of the game have changed—and Hastert may be in the shit even if he thinks he was just doing business as usual.
Question of the Day
Okay, so let’s say that every last one of the Republicans currently under indictment and/or investigation (or likely to be soon; yeah, I’m talking to you, Cheney) are all found guilty and sentenced to life in prison. And let’s also say that in a charmingly delicious twist of fate, it is decided they are all to be housed in a Halliburton-constructed detention center for the rest of their pitiful lives.
The question is: What should this prison be called?
Be creative!
(Side note: My favorite prison name of all time was Strangeways, which is in Manchester, UK. The facility is now, boringly, called Her Majesty's Prison—Manchester, but the locals still call it Strangeways, as well they should.)
Woe is Hastert
You know, I was wondering why the Tyrannosaurus of Turpitude was getting his knickers in a twist defending an allegedly (ahem) corrupt Dem against an FBI search.
Now it all makes sense.
(Thanks to Blogenfreude for the TP link.)
I 
Ian McKellan
Oh, Sir Ian. How do I love thee?
We are foaming at the mouth to see the new X-Men 3 movie, especially now that we know Magneto will be extra fierce. The plot of the latest installment focuses on the idea that mutants can be "cured" of their mutantness. Now anyone who knows the X-Men knows it is a very thinly veiled metaphor for the gays, so gay actor Sir Ian McKellen, who plays maverick sometimes-villain Magneto, pretended during filming that he was blowing up Jerry Falwell and everyone else who believes that homosexuality is a disease with a cure. We already find comic book movies oddly moving, but we think this one might make us cry.Dittoid, as Mr. Shakes would say.
Two Random Links
My parents watched M*A*S*H religiously; when it went into syndication, they sometimes watched it several times a night, by flipping between channels showing the re-runs. I bet I’ve seen every episode twelve thousand times. Capt. B.J. Hunnicut was my first-ever crush. When I was about five years old, I thought there was no one alive who was foxier than he was. Turns out, I knew how to pick ’em even then.
And, by the way, at five years old, I was clever enough to know that Beej wasn’t real, but a fictional character on a television show. Tom DeLay, at age 59, not so much.
Success!
“[T]he Taliban had granted Osama bin Laden and his terrorist al Qaeda organization a safe refuge. Today, the Taliban has been deposed, al Qaeda is in hiding, and coalition forces continue to hunt down the remnants and holdouts. Coalition forces, including many brave Afghans, have brought America, Afghanistan and the free world its first victory in the war on terror. Afghanistan is no longer a terrorist factory sending thousands of killers into the world… This is hard work. And it wasn't easy work in Afghanistan, by the way. I mean, it seems easy now that we're standing here…but it was hard work. And out of kind of the desperate straits that the Afghan people found themselves is now a welcoming society beginning to grow.” — President George Bush, June 15, 2004
May 24, 2006: U.S. says Taliban strength is growing.
Fighting in rugged southern Afghan mountains killed at least 24 militants and five Afghan forces, while the U.S. military acknowledged Wednesday that the Taliban have grown in “strength and influence” in recent weeks…Spreading freedom! Freedom is on the march! Gooooooooooo freedom!
Uruzgan was one of three southern provinces where U.S. military spokesman Col. Tom Collins said the insurgents have bolstered their numbers.
"We know for a fact that in recent weeks they have grown in strength and influence in some parts of Kandahar, Helmand and Uruzgan," he told a news conference in Kabul. "There is a hard-core group of Taliban fighters, certainly numbering in the hundreds."
I know the enduring image of Bush’s proclivity to prematurely ejaculate declarations of victory is his standing astride an aircraft carrier with a Mission Accomplished banner blazing behind him, referencing the mission in Iraq. It tends to overshadow, however, his definitive assertions that we “won” in Afghanistan, which is and was patently false, but an essential little morsel of mendacity during the administration’s scheming to move on to their real target. We never finished the job in Afghanistan; Bush shot his Mission Accomplished load there far too soon, too—and now it’s going to be ever harder to really finish what we started, since we’re helplessly, inextricably bogged down another quagmire that was meant to be successfully completed years ago.
The Da Vinci Code
So we saw The Da Vinci Code on opening day - that is, the opening day for us plebian Americans, not for jet-setting celebritoid Cannes-types - "we" being myself, M, and M's friend Linda, a Lutheran minister. I had never read the book; indeed, I really had no idea what it was even about. (I tried hard not to know; if pressed, I'd have guessed that the big secret was that Jesus was just a day laborer, while the Christ was actually some guy named Brian. I'd have been wrong, of course.) M had read it and enjoyed it. Linda had listened to the full text of the book while on a cross-country drive. We saw the movie at the Chase in the Central West End; as we approached in the car, I pointed out the towering spire near the theatre, an antenna from some TV news van. "Wonder which station that is," I said. It turned out to be the local CBS affiliate, and as I drove past we saw that it was accompanied by vans from the local NBC and Fox stations as well. All that was missing was a van from the WB (soon to be the CW, I guess) affiliate, and that was probably because that station was located a half-block away from the theatre. Nothing like a controversial movie and a slow news day to bring out the remote crews.
We parked a block away and walked back to the theatre. The sun was shining and the clouds were scattered, and yet it began to rain. "It's a sign from above!" we exclaimed gleefully.
I expected protestors, and I guess the newsies did too. There was only one such as we entered the movie house, though I heard later that he was joined by others.
And that pretty much constitutes the highlight of this story, because the film itself was deathly dull. Even that criticism isn't fresh, as I see that Stephen Rea of the Philadelphia Inquirer used the same phrase to describe it. Flat dialogue, uninspired acting (except for Ian McKellen, by and large), strangely muted action scenes. A more suspenseful movie would have been an improvement. A more interesting presentation of the theological argument would have been preferable. The Da Vinci Code struck a disappointing middle course between those possibilities and achieved neither of them. Too bad.
The popcorn was good, though.
(So dark the cross-post of man...)
Stork Society More Advanced Than Humans
Well, what do you expect in The Netherlands? These gay storks are probably smoking pot, too.
Four gay storks have proved they are as capable of raising a family as their heterosexual counterparts.Dr. James Dobson has released a statement denouncing gay stork parenting. Concerned Women for America spokesman Peter LaBarbera was quoted as saying, “These radical homosexual storks are trying to undermine the American family. Next thing you know, they’ll be bringing gay babies to God-fearing American mothers and fathers.”
Staff at the zoo in Overloon, near Eindhoven, were unsure if the gay and lesbian storks would still have the same natural urge to raise offspring. But after giving one egg to a pair of gay males to sit on, and another two eggs to a pair of lesbian storks, they say the gay storks took to parenthood straight away.
Zoo spokeswoman Esther Jansen said all three chicks had hatched successfully: "The gay storks look after the eggs and the chicks just as well as our heterosexual birds."
This picture almost makes me want a baby.
McCain: Stop the Bullshit!
I never thought I’d say it, Shakers…but John McCain has convinced me that I would be a fool—a fool, I tell you!—not to cast aside my many, many, many doubts and rededicate my life’s purpose to making sure he becomes the next President of the United States of America. I mean, this guy’s really got the goods after all.
Three years into the Iraq War, there’s no end in sight; by many accounts, the situation there grows more dire every day. Bush dithers, and offers little more than uselessly and wrongly optimistic lipservice. The Dems don’t seem to know how to solve the problem. The war is a hopeless quagmire—and our leaders at home don’t seem to know what to do.
Enter revolutionary maverick John McCain.
In a small, mirror-paneled room guarded by a Secret Service agent and packed with some of the city’s wealthiest and most influential political donors, Mr. McCain got right to the point.That’s what you call undeniable genius, friends. So brilliantly simple, it’s amazing that no one has considered it before. Tell the Shiites and the Sunnis to stop the bullshit. My word; it’s astounding. The ultimate Straight Talk in all its shimmering glory.
“One of the things I would do if I were President would be to sit the Shiites and the Sunnis down and say, ‘Stop the bullshit,’” said Mr. McCain.
What McCain didn’t share with his well-heeled supporters is the second part of his Straight Talkin’ a Solution to the Iraq Crisis Plan. But as you know, I have the best informants in all of the blogosphere, and one of them has gotten me a copy of McCain’s entire plan. If you thought “Phase One: Stop the Bullshit” was outstanding, wait until you get a load of “Phase Two: No, Seriously—I Mean It.”
The hat tip goes to Brendan Nyhan, who astutely notes, “So honest! So bold! What an innovative diplomatic concept! If only John McCain were president, we'd have peace in Iraq!” Amen, brother.
Quote of the Day
“Is this where I'm supposed to say 'Fuck George W. Bush?' You know what? He's done a great job of fucking himself.” — Green Day’s Billie Joe Armstrong at the ASCAP awards, after “Boulevard of Broken Dreams” won Song of the Year.
