Shakesville

Fun with Crap

…and dog shit, too. Found at Gawker and passed on by Angelos.

Gawker commenter Lefty notes: “Breaks my heart that someone would defile a perfectly good hunk of excrement like that.”

(This has been going on in Germany for quite some time.)

I’m thinking this is the perfect solution for PSoTD to deal with his answer to Wednesday’s QotD about what makes you really angry.

Dog poop on my lawn. C'mon, I don't own a dog, so it ain't mine, don't leave it here.

Sure, it would mean displaying Bush’s sneering mug on your lawn, but the satisfaction of seeing it angling jauntily out of a pile of poop has got to be worth it.

Best American Fiction

The NYT reports that Toni Morrison’s Beloved has been voted the Best Work of American Fiction of the Last 25 Years. (How many of these stinking lists are there, and why do they all suck?) Mannion, Rob Farley, and Jedmunds are all over it.

I’ll just repeat what I left in a comment at Mannion’s place:

I consider Beloved, well, beloved, in no small part because it is so peculiar and unconventional—the same reason that lots of people who typically share my taste in literature didn't enjoy it. A strong appeal to wide general audience shouldn't be the only requisite qualification for a work of fiction to be considered one of the best, or else The Da Vinci Code would have topped the list. (Insert your own The Da Vinci Code is fiction? joke here.) Nonetheless, it occurs to me that maybe even if it's not the only qualification, it ought to be one of them. It pains me a bit to say that, because it sounds like I'm endorsing conformity and formula, but there are unusual, quirky books that have had wider appeal. (See: Irving, John.)

I don't know if it counts, since Jeffrey Eugenides currently resides in Berlin, but I'd probably give my vote to Middlesex. Or maybe Michael Chabon's The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay. Or Donna Tartt's The Secret History. Or Michael Cunningham's A Home at the End of the World. Or some other book that probably no one else would mention.

How about you?

Harry? Not scary.

The boy wizard has leveled a defeat against the Lords of Stupidity once again. Last month I posted about a fundie parent who wanted the Potter series taken off public school shelves (and replaced with the Left Behind kids series). Last night the Gwinnett school board voted unanimously to keep the books:

A Loganville mother asked the board of the state's largest school district to ban the books, which she said promotes and glorifies witchcraft. But school board members said the books have merit and have improved students' reading skills.

Board member Carole Boyce said her family enjoys reading the books.

"At the very heart of this issue is censorship," Boyce said. "Our students do understand the difference between fact and fiction. Let's let those who want to read the Harry Potter books have the opportunity to do so."

This is what Ms. Mallory had to say about it:

"I knew what they were going to do, but it's good we live in a country where you can stand up for what you believe in. God is alive and real and he says it [witchcraft] is an abomination. How can we say it is good reading material?"

We can say that because it's, oh, true. But don't let silly ol' facts get in the way of your desire for everyone to suffocate in that bubble you live in, mmmmkay?

Mallory has not yet decided if she will appeal to the state board of education.

In 2005, the American Library Association received 405 challenges (a formal written complaint filed with a library or school requesting that materials be removed). It is estimated that with every one formal challenge reported, four or five go unreported.

“Books and ideas are the most effective weapons against intolerance and ignorance.”—Lyndon B. Johnson

Good News

The army has released Jared Guinther, the 18-year-old autistic teen who had signed up for “one of the Army's most dangerous jobs, cavalry scout, after being heavily recruited.”

Gaylan Johnson, spokesman for the United States Military Entrance Processing Command, said Guinther's disability was not disclosed in the medical exam and information regarding his condition was not available to the command until after the enrollment process was complete. The command oversees medical exams for the Army.

Guinther's mother told The Oregonian she informed recruiters about her son's disability by telephone as Jared was being tested, but that he was accepted for enlistment anyway. Family and friends say anyone who reviewed the young man's medical or school records would know he was unfit for military service.

"Jared would play with buttons for hours on end," she told the Oregonian. "He'd play with one toy for days. Loud noises bothered him. He was scared to death of the toilet flushing, the lawn mower."

An investigation is under way into whether recruiters improperly concealed Guinther's condition.

Rep. Earl Blumenauer (D-OR) wrote a letter to Rummy about the case, and said, in part, "I am concerned that the military has created a situation where recruiters are pressured to act unethically in order to successfully fulfill their orders.” Well, yeah. In spite of lowering admission standards, easing age restrictions, and opening up the ranks to people with a history of serious criminal misconduct, recruiters are still having a rough time. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that people are realizing they’re not just signing up for the military, but signing up for a war with no end in sight, during which they may not even get enough to eat, and face the very likely possibility of being stop-lossed even when their gig is supposed to be up. Just a thought.

President 29%

What's the Mendoza line for George Bush's approval ratings? Whatever it is, I think he may have just passed it - and, you know, not in a good direction.

Where I come from, that's called buyer's remorse.

(Cross-posted, yes, but only a little. Hat tip to AMERICAblog.)

The Poseidon Presidency, Part 2

The Poseidon Presidency

Under water. Upside down. 29% and sinking fast.

The question is: Will any of us make it out alive?

Most Americans don’t mind being spied on

So say the WaPo and the Boston Globe. You know, because “everything changed” after 9/11.

Question of the Day

Best and/or worst birthday present you've ever gotten?

I can't think of any offhand that were really terrible. The best is easy. Four years ago today, Mr. Shakes officially proposed to me (even though we had already gotten the fiancée visa, so it was kind of a done deal, lol). We were living in Edinburgh then, and he surprised me by whisking me away to the lovely little restaurant at which we'd had our first date, and then to an absolutely splendid hotel, which had been arranged for by my sneaky and fabulous girlfriend Miller, who also saw that there were champagne and strawberries waiting for us, as well.

They planned the whole thing without my ever cottoning on, which is no small feat. It was a really wonderful evening, and what I remember most about it is how handsome Mr. Shakes looked in his charcoal suit.

I Feel Your Pain, Kid

Cry Freedom.
Via Dlisted, who's having a caption contest. So far, my favorites are "I wish I'd been aborted" and "Get that wiretap out of my diaper, scumbag!"

Electionzzz

Mannion's got a good one.

I'm completely unmotivated this afternoon. Writing about those fucktards in Alabama completely zapped me of my will to blog. I will need to play some Zuma to recharge myself.

bust a move

Some humor for your afternoon:

Evolution of Dance

Charming

As part of “Senior Prank Day” at Huntsville High School in Huntsville, Alabama, a group of students pulled off the awesome prank of humiliating a homeless and mentally ill Vietnam vet by luring him to the school with the promise of food and money, only to yank off his pants in front of a group of their classmates, who found the “prank” uproariously hilarious.

The students involved posted gushing accounts of how splendid their prank was on websites, including pictures of the naked man at the center of their heinous little game.

"This is for all who thought our senior prank was hilarious, and that think it's bullsh*t that they are making such a big deal over it," student ringleader Charles Bendall bragged on the website Facebook.com.

Other students left comments cheering the humiliation.

"Brilliant, legendary, comical excellence and you can quote that WAFF," said one student, referring to a local TV station that did several news reports on the outrage.

"This will go down in history, end of story," wrote a Huntsville student.

Four seniors are being punished, although as many as 40 students were involved. They will have to do volunteer work at a homeless shelter and will not be allowed to participate in their graduation ceremony, though they will be graduated. None of them will be arrested. This, after the Huntsville High School media spokesperson Keith Ward promised, "This was a serious offense and will have serious consequences.” Yeah. I’m sure they’ll learn their lesson from being barred from tossing their mortarboards and having to do a few hours of volunteer work on behalf of people they clearly don’t consider human in the first place.

Anyone want to wager a guess as to many of these kids’ parents have “Support the Troops” stickers on their cars?

Caption This Photo

President Bush walks into the Diplomatic Reception Room, Thursday, May 11, 2006, to speak about a newspaper report that the National Security Agency was collecting records of tens of millions of ordinary Americans' phone calls. Bush neither confirmed or denied the report that AT&T Corp., Verizon Communications Inc., and BellSouth Corp. began turning over records to the NSA shortly after the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attacks. (AP Photo/Ron Edmonds)

I Feel Much Better Now

The president says they’re not “mining or trolling through the personal lives of millions of innocent Americans.” Well, if he says it, it must be true, because we all know how honest he is.

And check this out:

Meanwhile, the Justice Department has abruptly ended an inquiry into the warrantless eavesdropping program because the NSA refused to grant its lawyers the necessary security clearance.

The Justice Department’s Office of Professional Responsibility, or OPR, sent a fax to Rep. Maurice Hinchey, D-N.Y., on Wednesday saying they were closing their inquiry because without clearance their lawyers cannot examine Justice lawyers’ role in the program.

Superb.

US Marines Begging for Food in Iraq

This isn’t the first time I’ve read a story like this, unfortunately, but I can’t believe this shit is still going on.

Nick Andoscia went to Iraq. And hunger soon followed.

"I got a letter," says [his mother]. "And he had called me before that. He said, 'Send lots of tuna.' "

Nick told his mother that he and the men in his unit were all about 10 pounds lighter in their first few weeks in Iraq. They were pulling 22-hour patrol shifts. They were getting two meals a day and they were not meals to remember.

"He told me the two meals just weren't cutting it. He said the Iraqi food was usually better. They were going to the Iraqis and basically saying, 'feed me.' "

…The last thing he should have to worry about is an empty stomach. The last thing he should have to do is approach Iraqis and ask for food.

You have to wonder what the gracious hosts must think when a fighting man from the richest country on earth comes to their door in search of something to eat.

Seriously, what the fuck? We can’t get these guys body armor, we can’t get them properly armored vehicles, and we can’t even get them three squares a day? Pathetic. Absolutely stinking pathetic.

I wonder how many meals the $200 million slated for the George W. Bush Presidential Library and Think Tank could buy. Just curious. Seems like even half that amount could fill a lot of empty tummies.

(Thanks to Shaker Bryan for passing that along.)

Snow Job: Coming Out Fighting

The McClellatron’s replacement is wasting no time in letting the press know exactly where he stands. Are you totally shocked, like I am, that it turns out the erstwhile Fox anchor has contempt for any press who gives the vaguest appearance of not being irrepressible presidential taint-lickers?

New White House Press Secretary Tony Snow is starting off in a combative mode against the press by issuing detailed rebuttals to what he considers unfair coverage of Bush.

“The New York Times continues to ignore America’s economic progress,” blared the headline of an e-mail sent to reporters Wednesday by the White House press office.

Minutes earlier, another e-mail blasted CBS News…

On Tuesday, the White House railed against “USA Today’s misleading Medicare story.”

…White House sources said Snow, who started on the job Monday and has yet to give his first public press briefing, is determined to aggressively counter what the administration considers unfair assertions in both news and editorials about Bush. At the same time, he is eager to make the notoriously secretive administration more accessible to the press.

The strategy is perfectly clear, but hardly revolutionary. The administration will make itself “more accessible” to press that delivers a constant stream of positive coverage. That’s been the modus operandi since Day One; Snow’s just trying to get back to basics with a press that has ever-so-timidly begun to—gasp!—actually question the administration on occasion. He wants to bully them into being water carriers again who do nothing more than dictate whatever emanates from the White House. I’m sure he’ll have some limited success, but, regardless of their pout-job over Colbert and bloggers and angry liberals, I suspect the press is beginning to realize they’re going to have to start doing better, and sucking off President 31% isn’t going to help restore the credibility they’ve lost.

And any press chained by corporate obligation is, I’ll wager, finding themselves suddenly freer than usual, with conservatives running away from Bush like a radioactive hot potato. The corporatocracy has a vested interest, at this point, in making sure that the utter failure of conservative policy, upon which they are reliant for sweet tax deals and massive hand-outs, is seen instead as a failure of Bush, so even as he sinks into the muck, any vestige of faith in conservative efficacy doesn’t sink with him.

Good luck with all that.

Indulge Me…

Okay, everyone who hates American Idol, just stop reading now. Unless you’d like to read about why I hate Taylor Hicks with a red hot fiery passion, which may amuse.

Now that I know I have the AI fans with me, can we dish about what happened last night? Bloody bollocks—I can’t believe Chris got the heave-ho. But more than that, I can’t believe Taylor-effing-Hicks got another chance to convulse to Elvis, leaving no time for Chris to say a few words or perform one last time. I hate stinking Taylor Hicks. First of all, he’s ugly. And I don’t mean empirically ugly—I mean that when he sings, his face contorts into the most heinous expressions I’ve ever seen. His whole body seems to…grimace.

Exhibit 1

And don’t even get me started on his “Woo! Woo! Soul Patrol!” twitch fests, which always have him curving in some nasty direction like a rubber band with a case of the spasms.

Exhibit 2

Ack. He makes me want to barf. Every time I listen to him, all I can think of is Paul Rudd’s breakdown in The 40-Year-Old Virgin about having to listen to Michael McDonald all day every day.

I gotta tell you something. I'm really excited about it. Uh, for the first time, today, I woke up, I came to the store, and I - I feel confident to say to you that if you don't take this Michael McDonald DVD - that you've been playing for two years straight - off, I'm going to kill everyone in the store and put a bullet in my brain! …If I hear "Yah Mo B There" one more time, I'm going to Yah Mo Burn This Place To The Ground.

Also, he’s a total douche. He sings songs he thinks have “family values” and got his panties all in a twist when Simon asked him if he was drunk. And when he tried to kick over the microphone stand one week, he totally missed. He’s about a cool as a middle-aged divorcee who’s just discovered Old Navy and karaoke night at the local bar.

Exhibit 3

Seriously, if he wins this thing—which he probably will—I will be forced to never watch again.

Until next year.

I couldn't get him to jump out of a cake...

Because that would be really horrifying and wrong. So here is a picture of the Bard in a little birthday hat. Because... it's Shakespeare's Sister's Birthday!

I won't bore you with the story of how Melissa and I latched onto each other; she put that in my recent birthday thread. I just wanted to say that I'm eternally grateful for her friendship. She makes me laugh on a daily basis, she's a constant ego boost, she has given me a readership larger than I ever dreamed possible...

But she has also performed the ultimate sacrifice; the test of true friendship. She sat with me through an entire B-Fest. Close to 24 hours of cinematic body blows, eating trail mix and drinking tepid bottled water, in a small theatre seat designed to make your butt numb after about 30 minutes, in a cloud of impenetrable nerd funk.

Now, that's a good friend.

Happy Birthday, Shakes! Soon we will be drinking together, and it will be good.

(Wanted to get this in early... I'm sure Mister Shakes will be saying glowing things later on today!)

I’ve got two questions for Howard Dean

1. Why are you misrepresenting the Democratic Party platform to pander to religious homobigots on The 700 Club?

2. Why are you even on The 700 Club?!

Egads. Is this the best idea the DNC has? Try to win totally unwinnable votes from an audience that still doesn’t consider Pat Robertson a fucking lunatic? Well, I certainly hope that the zero votes you’ll get from that maneuver make up for the votes from the LGBT community and their supporters you’ll lose over it.

Seriously, what is the fucking point of going on The 700 Club to mutter some bullshit like, “The Democratic Party platform from 2004 says that marriage is between a man and a woman. That's what it says,” which, by the way, isn’t even true? The 2004 platform says:

We support full inclusion of gay and lesbian families in the life of our nation and seek equal responsibilities, benefits, and protections for these families. In our country, marriage has been defined at the state level for 200 years, and we believe it should continue to be defined there. We repudiate President Bush's divisive effort to politicize the Constitution by pursuing a 'Federal Marriage Amendment.' Our goal is to bring Americans together, not drive them apart.

If that message doesn’t play to The 700 Club audience, then maybe you shouldn’t bother trying to court their bloody votes! Honestly, what’s next? Going to a Klan meeting to try to drum up support by denigrating civil rights? Fuck.

Eleven (I think) anti-gay marriage initiatives are coming to state ballots in the upcoming midterm elections. How do the Dems plan to fight those if the DNC chair is out undermining the very principles on which they must be fought? I guess the answer is, they don’t.

Pam has more.

UPDATE: Dean has issued a clarification:

I misstated the Democratic Party's platform, which does not say that marriage should be limited to a man and a woman, but says the Party is committed to full inclusion of gay and lesbian families in the life of our nation and leaves the issue to the states to decide. The Democratic Party remains committed to equal protection under the law for all Americans. How we achieve that goal continues to be the subject of a contentious debate, but our Party continues to oppose constitutional amendments that seek to short circuit the debate on how to achieve equality for all Americans.

Great. So, let me see if I understand this. The Dems are "committed to full inclusion of gay and lesbian families in the life of our nation" but leaves marriage equality up to the states, many of whom want to perpetuate marriage discrimination. The Dems "oppose constitutional amendments," but only the federal ones, is that it? State constitutional amendments to perpetuate inequality are just A-OK? If I've got that right, you've got no business claiming the Party is committed to full inclusion or equal protection under the law. End of story.