It's a blessing that government attempts to co-opt American youth are as pathetically clumsy as they are sinister. Lord help us all if the government ever becomes as proficient at snaring the impressionable minds of little Johnny and Jane as the makers of Bratz, say, or World of Warcraft. Until that unfortunate day arrives, we can laugh uneasily at CryptoKids and its fellow stranger with a bag of candy, DIAKids.
(From the faceless authority figures who brought you the genuinely disturbing Ready Kids - previously lampooned here by Shakes Sis - and the somehow suitably hapless FEMA for Kids.)
(Cross-posted for the convenience of the NSA...)
You're never too young to spy on your neighbors
Quote of the Day
Colbert used satire the way it's used in more openly authoritarian societies: as a political weapon, a device for raising issues that can't be addressed directly. He dragged out all the unmentionables -- the Iraq lies, the secret prisons, the illegal spying, the neutered stupidity of the lapdog press -- and made it pretty clear that he wasn't really laughing at them, much less with them. It may have been comedy, but it also sounded like a bill of indictment, and everybody understood the charges.You know, the only question I have about Colbert’s performance is whether I’d have had the guts to do the same thing. I keep trying to picture him writing it. Maybe he had to keep hesitating, considering whether he was going too far. Maybe he read a few jokes to other people who told him, “You can’t say that, Stephen! You’re going to be standing three fucking feet from the president!” Maybe that made him nervous, or maybe it solidified his resolve—this was his one chance and, by god, he was going to make the most of it.
I’d love to know what his thoughts were as he wrote it, as he walked up to the podium, as he delivered his searing indictment, but considering there’s a near-total MSM blackout on it, I doubt we will anytime soon.
What is clear is how he felt afterwards. The only member of the media who earned the right to do so—Helen Thomas—embraced him proudly, and he grinned. Bush and the First Lady stormed away in a huff, and Colbert stood around signing autographs, still grinning.
Breaking News: Americans Don’t Like Being Treated Like $2 $100 Whores
The GOP’s awesome plan to bribe voters before the midterm elections with $100 “gas rebate” checks has—surprise!—has been met with derision and contempt from the very people whose favor it was meant to curry.
Aides for several Republican senators reported a surge of calls and e-mail messages from constituents ridiculing the rebate as a paltry and transparent effort to pander to voters before the midterm elections in November.Jeebus, when even Rush Limbaugh and Brit Hume, who willingly whore themselves on behalf of the GOP on a daily basis, are criticizing the plan, you know it’s bad.
"The conservatives think it is socialist bunk, and the liberals think it is conservative trickery," said Don Stewart, a spokesman for Senator John Cornyn, Republican of Texas, pointing out that the criticism was coming from across the ideological spectrum.
Angry constituents have asked, "Do you think we are prostitutes? Do you think you can buy us?" said another Republican senator's aide, who was granted anonymity to openly discuss the feedback because the senator had supported the plan.
Conservative talk radio hosts have been particularly vocal. "What kind of insult is this?" Rush Limbaugh asked on his radio program on Friday. "Instead of buying us off and treating us like we're a bunch of whores, just solve the problem." In commentary on Fox News Sunday, Brit Hume called the idea "silly."
The question is: How out of touch is the GOP that they even momentarily considered it a good idea to leave $100 on every American’s nightstand after using and abusing them for five long years? Good night.
Oh, pardon me. Not every American. Only those making an adjusted gross income less than $146,000 (or couples earning less than about $219,000)—even if they didn’t own a car!
David Winston, a Republican pollster who advises the Senate Republican leadership, called the rebate an intuitive way to show voters that Republicans were on their side. "It is like putting the American family budget ahead of oil company profits," Mr. Winston said. "How do you help the American families out? Well, give them some money."Cripes. The thing I love most about this crackpot scheme is that, thanks to Bush’s “permanent tax cuts” for the wealthy and constant pandering to corporations with allowable tax dodges, it’s the poor schlubs (like me!) eligible for the $100 checks who would be footing the lion’s share of the bill for it in the long term, anyway. I’ve already got a credit card, thanks.
Mmm…Fitzmas
Turd Blossom, your days are numbered:
Rove's attorney, Robert Luskin, was informed via a target letter that Fitzgerald is prepared to charge Rove for perjury and lying to investigators during Rove’s appearances before the grand jury in 2004 and in interviews with investigators in 2003 when he was asked how and when he discovered that Valerie Plame Wilson worked for the CIA, and whether he shared that information with the media…I love, as reported in the linked story, that after being busted lying like an optimistic rug about having shared information about Plame Wilson’s covert status only after reading a July 2003 news story, which has been contradicted by evidence uncovered in the course of the investigation, Rove then provided the explanation that “he was dealing with more urgent White House matters and therefore forgot.” Riiiiiight. Like there’s ever anything more urgent in the Bush White House than playing dirty politics.
As of Friday afternoon, sources close to the case said, it appeared likely that charges of obstruction of justice would be added to the prepared list of charges.
What a hubristic wanker Rove is. As though anyone with two brain cells still knocking together, no less an intelligent professional investigator like Fitzgerald, would just accept—and believe!—such a pathetic excuse for such unjustifiable behavior. The thing is, to understand why Rove believes he can get away with such absurd nonsense, one need look no further than Misty’s earlier post. Rove is one of the key architects of an administration which has disobeyed more than 750 laws enacted since he took office. (Which is to say nothing of laws that were in place before their criminal asses ever got there, some of which have likely been broken, too.) Is it any wonder that they feel they can say any kind of fantastical horseshit and be believed? That’s all they’ve been doing for five long years.
Finally, they’re hitting a wall—and it’s got the name Patrick Fitzgerald scrawled all over it. Go, Fitzy, go!
For Your Viewing Pleasure: Colbert-a-thon Continues
Or repeat viewing pleasure, as the case may be. Enjoy!
[Broken into three parts; just watch in order, starting at the top.]
Thank You, Stephen
How about a good, old-fashioned, hand-written thank-you note for Mr. Stephen Colbert? Your grandma would approve:
c/o Comedy Central
1775 Broadway
New York, NY 10019
(Thanks to Blue Gal for providing the addy.)
Criminal-In-Chief
The Boston Globe has a seven page article running that notes that suffering from unprecedented delusions of grandeur, Bush says he can violate laws because, well, he's Bush and he interprets the Constitution as he sees fit.
The article highlights Bush's modus operandi:
Bush is the first president in modern history who has never vetoed a bill, giving Congress no chance to override his judgments. Instead, he has signed every bill that reached his desk, often inviting the legislation's sponsors to signing ceremonies at which he lavishes praise upon their work.
Then, after the media and the lawmakers have left the White House, Bush quietly files ''signing statements" -- official documents in which a president lays out his legal interpretation of a bill for the federal bureaucracy to follow when implementing the new law. The statements are recorded in the federal register.
In his signing statements, Bush has repeatedly asserted that the Constitution gives him the right to ignore numerous sections of the bills -- sometimes including provisions that were the subject of negotiations with Congress in order to get lawmakers to pass the bill. He has appended such statements to more than one of every 10 bills he has signed.
''He agrees to a compromise with members of Congress, and all of them are there for a public bill-signing ceremony, but then he takes back those compromises -- and more often than not, without the Congress or the press or the public knowing what has happened," said Christopher Kelley, a Miami University of Ohio political science professor who studies executive power.
The article goes on to list some of these:
--Bush states as Commander-In-Chief, he can ignore any and all acts of Congress that control the military and do whatever he wants. One non-Iraq example:
On at least four occasions while Bush has been president, Congress has passed laws forbidding US troops from engaging in combat in Colombia, where the US military is advising the government in its struggle against narcotics-funded Marxist rebels.
After signing each bill, Bush declared in his signing statement that he did not have to obey any of the Colombia restrictions because he is commander in chief.
--He eliminates all over-sight programs created by Congress saying, essentially, "Fuck ya'll, I dont' have to tell you shit":
In December 2004, Congress passed an intelligence bill requiring the Justice Department to tell them how often, and in what situations, the FBI was using special national security wiretaps on US soil. The law also required the Justice Department to give oversight committees copies of administration memos outlining any new interpretations of domestic-spying laws. And it contained 11 other requirements for reports about such issues as civil liberties, security clearances, border security, and counternarcotics efforts.
After signing the bill, Bush issued a signing statement saying he could withhold all the information sought by Congress.
The same thing occured when the DHS was created. In a similar vein, he has said he alone can squash federal whistle-blower protections.
If we go further into the egomaniacal, Bush has also "said in his signing statements that the Constitution lets him control any executive official, no matter what a statute passed by Congress might say". How do the Repubs in congress feel about this crap? He's pissing on them and yet they lap it up like it's life-giving water.
--He says the same thing to the Supreme Court:
the Supreme Court has repeatedly upheld affirmative-action programs, as long as they do not include quotas. Most recently, in 2003, the court upheld a race-conscious university admissions program over the strong objections of Bush, who argued that such programs should be struck down as unconstitutional.
Yet despite the court's rulings, Bush has taken exception at least nine times to provisions that seek to ensure that minorities are represented among recipients of government jobs, contracts, and grants. Each time, he singled out the provisions, declaring that he would construe them ''in a manner consistent with" the Constitution's guarantee of ''equal protection" to all -- which some legal scholars say amounts to an argument that the affirmative-action provisions represent reverse discrimination against whites.
Golove said that to the extent Bush is interpreting the Constitution in defiance of the Supreme Court's precedents, he threatens to ''overturn the existing structures of constitutional law."
Examples of Bush's signing statements.
The article goes into a bit of history about signing statements and notes that they weren't a typical thing until the mid-80's when Atty. Gen. Meese decided that the statements could help presidential influence. It also notes that both presidents since had objected to provisions in laws requiring the president to get permission from a congressional committee before acting but HW Bush and Clinton both used the veto that Congress could override, not signing statements that Congress can't, if they had problem with a bill.
Defenders of the administration point out that eventhough Bush has said he doesn't have to obey a law, he still has with some of them. Jack Goldsmith, a Harvard prof, has defended the signing statements saying:
"Nobody reads them. They have no significance. Nothing in the world changes by the publication of a signing statement. The statements merely serve as public notice about how the administration is interpreting the law. Criticism of this practice is surprising, since the usual complaint is that the administration is too secretive in its legal interpretations."
But it's not "nobody" that reads them. As PSU prof Cooper (who studied all of Bush's first term statements) said:
"[T]he documents are being read closely by one key group of people: the bureaucrats who are charged with implementing new laws.
Lower-level officials will follow the president's instructions even when his understanding of a law conflicts with the clear intent of Congress, crafting policies that may endure long after Bush leaves office."
Even Bruce Fein, a deputy attorney general in the Reagan administration, is critical of this:
"This is an attempt by the president to have the final word on his own constitutional powers, which eliminates the checks and balances that keep the country a democracy. There is no way for an independent judiciary to check his assertions of power, and Congress isn't doing it, either. So this is moving us toward an unlimited executive power."
You see, Bush is making everything "easier", as he wanted it to be back in 1998. You know, just as long as he is the dictator.
Stephen Colbert has Balls as Big as Church Bells
If you didn't see Colbert at the White House Correspondence dinner, you missed something truly amazing. Keep an eye on Crooks & Liars for video; the dinner will be re-broadcast as well. We'll post more info as soon as we get it. [UPDATE: Watch the whole thing here.]
Seriously, it was fucking amazing. Gannon reference and everything! And Prezint Obvious Body Language couldn't get out of that room fast enough.
TIVO it. Record it. You'll want it for posterity.
(Here's the Gannon picture)
Update: It's re-running right now. Turn on C-Span!
More Update: The talk right now is that "Colbert Bombed." Well, yes, of course, the laughter was sparse. But it's difficult to laugh when the truth hurts so much, yes? Again, just watch Bush as he exits. His face says it all.
Even More Update: We are not amused!
Colbert, who spoke in the guise of his talk show character who ostensibly supports the president strongly, urged the president to ignore his low approval ratings, saying they were based on reality, “and reality has a well-known liberal bias.”Shakes here… I’m horning in on Spudsy’s post just to keep things in one thread. First of all, Spudsy’s right. Colbert must have two Liberty Bells knocking together down there, and each time they knock together, I bet they chime: “Fuck. Bush. Fuck. Bush.”
He attacked those in the press who claim that the shake-up at the White House was merely re-arranging the deck chairs on the Titanic. “This administration is soaring, not sinking,” he said. “They are re-arranging the deck chairs--on the Hindenburg.”
Colbert told Bush he could end the problem of protests by retired generals by refusing to let them retire. He compared Bush to Rocky Balboa in the “Rocky” movies, always getting punched in the face—“and Apollo Creed is everything else in the world.”
He also made biting cracks about missing WMDs, “photo ops” on aircraft carriers, and Vice President Cheney shooting people in the face.
So, around 10:00 or so, Spudsy calls me and tells me what he’s just seen. I tune in to the rebroadcast, not remotely prepared, even after Spudsy’s great description, for the carnage I then witness. Colbert was like a fucking pitbull who latched onto Bush’s jugular and proceeded to gnaw on it for 15 minutes, then turned on the press and slaughtered them, too. It was fucking unbelievable. It was brutal, painful to watch. No one was laughing, because it wasn’t funny. It was the fucking truth—and it was awesome.
Throughout the entire thing, he would periodically look evenly at Bush, holding his gaze and addressing him directly as “Mr. President.” Bush looked back at him with a face of stone (save for one time when Colbert flubbed a set-up). Standing in front of a room full of people who didn’t, couldn’t, laugh, letting them have it with everything he’s got, sweating bullets, Colbert would look dead at Bush and never blink. It was so brave.
I can’t recall anyone so forthrightly addressing the president like that, holding such a harsh mirror in front of his nose, except for perhaps Colbert’s obvious co-conspirator Helen Thomas, whose life has been spent questioning presidents. Who the fuck is Colbert?! I couldn’t fucking believe I was watching Chuck Noblet take down the president and the press so pitilessly. Good Christ, I was so proud of him, I nearly exploded.
So, without further ado, Shakespeare’s Sister Presents the Brass Balls Award to…
He doesn’t just play a fake patriot on TV;
Colbert’s the real deal, bitchez.
America 2.0
“[T]he Bush administration is exploring a more radical measure to protect information it says is vital to national security: the criminal prosecution of reporters under the espionage laws.”
When it comes to fixing leaks, there’s nothing more effective than Freedom Plumbing.
President Mental Break Strikes Again
Is anyone else starting to get the impression that Bush is suffering from multiple personality disorder, and his Valley Girl persona is beginning to wrestle for dominance against the Jesus Freak Cowboy we’re used to?
President Bush on Friday rejected the idea of killing FEMA.WTF? Dude has lost it.
"The lessons of Katrina are important," Bush said. "We've learned a lot here at the federal level. We're much more ready this time than we were the last time."
"Let's, first of all, pray there's no hurricanes," Bush said. "That would be, like, step one."
(Thanks to Ms. Julien for the heads-up.)
FWIW
I’ve got a post up at Ezra’s that rehashes much of what I was writing about yesterday regarding the transmitting of extremism through media shills into policy and the inevitable ugly results, so I won’t repost it here, but you may find it interesting in that it manages to tie a whole lot of stuff together.
Meet Florence Holway
This is Florence Holway. Fifteen years ago, at age 75, she was brutally raped by 25-year-old John LaForest, who entered her home, raped her vaginally and anally, hog-tied her with a telephone wire, choked her, and smashed her teeth. During the attack, he said to her, “Isn’t this nice? Isn’t this great? I ought to come over every week.”
There is no doubt that LaForest raped Florence. He was caught by police still in her bed, fast asleep, his head resting on a pillow stained with her blood, after Florence managed to escape to her son’s house next door, and her son stood guard outside her home with his rifle until the police arrived.
Florence’s story might never had been known outside her small New Hampshire town on Lake Winnipesaukee had the district attorney not offered LaForest a plea bargain without her consent, which allowed him to serve just a minimum of 12 years in exchange for his confession. But Florence was outraged that she would not have her day in court, and that her attacker would still be a young man when he was let out, free once again to do to other women what he had done to her. So she raised hell.
Her hell-raising, with became national news at the time, did not change the district attorney’s mind; LaForest got his reduced sentence. It did, however, result in a change in New Hampshire state law, which raised minimum sentences for such attacks and now does not permit deals to be made with perpetrators against the victim’s wishes. A burgeoning victims’ advocate program also received the funding it so desperately needed. Her story—including her annual pilgrimages to the prison where LaForest served his sentence to testify at his parole hearings—is recounted in a brilliant HBO documentary, Rape in a Small Town. If you have the opportunity to watch it, do. (It’s sometimes available via Comcast’s HBO On Demand, and is occasionally re-run; I saw it this morning.)
I recommend it not just because it’s an important story, addressing some of the very real problems our justice system has dealing effectively with sex offenders (not to mention media issues—one local paper buried her story because it was “a family paper”), but because Florence is, quite simply, amazing. She is not only stunningly brave but an exceptionally interesting woman—a painter, a mother, a grandmother. Clever and frank as she tells her story, she minces no words about the brutally of her attack, and after having gone through this unbelievable experience that left her frightened and forever changed, she resolved to go on her crusade, about which she is equally honest (paraphrased): “These state legislators are hard to budge. They’re conservative Republicans, and they hold onto tradition with a death grip.”
In one of the most moving scenes of the film, her son—a big, strong man—lifts her from the car and helps her into her wheelchair so they can go into the prison for a parole hearing. During the hearing, as Florence—small, white-haired, and then 89 years old—gives her statement to the parole board, her son leaves. Strong enough to carry his mother, he nonetheless cannot bear to hear her petition to keep her rapist behind bars. Her courage really is something to behold.
After 12 years, LaForest was released. He was returned to prison after being accused of sexual harassment by a female coworker. He is due for release again soon.
Should LaForest rape again, his victim will be guaranteed an opportunity that Florence was denied—the chance to face him and tell her story in court, to seek the maximum sentence—all thanks to Florence and her indomitable will. Truly, if you have the chance to watch this film, I can’t recommend it enough. It’s inspiring.
Waitin’ for a Superman
In which Wayne Coyne and company reassure us that everything will be all right…
I didn't need you to reply.
Is it gettin' heavy?
But they'll realize…
Is it gettin' heavy?
Well I thought it was already as heavy
As can be
Is it overwhelming
To use a crane to crush a fly?
It's a good time for Superman
To lift the sun into the sky.
'Cause it's gettin' heavy
Well I thought it was already as heavy
As can be
Tell everybody
Waitin' for Superman
That they should try to hold on
As best they can.
He hasn't dropped them,
Forgot them,
Or anything…
It's just too heavy for Superman to lift.
Is it gettin' heavy?
Well I thought it was already as heavy as can be.
Tell everybody
Waitin' for Superman
That they should try to hold on
The best they can.
He hasn't dropped them,
Forgot them,
Or anything…
It's just too heavy for Superman to lift.
Question of the Day
What album would people be surprised to discover you own?
If you saw my collection, probably nothing would come as a surprise because it’s so eclectic, but the most oddball thing I own, which isn’t really all that odd considering it sold 18 million copies, is Guns N’ Roses’ Appetite for Destruction. Mr. Shakes brought a collection similarly varied, but I would say his weirdest CD has to be Will Smith’s Big Willie Style. What was that purchase all about?!
News from Shakes Manor: Rushbo Edition
Shakes: Rush Limbaugh got arrested!
Mr. Shakes: Foor what?
Shakes: Prescription fraud.
Mr. Shakes: I hoope he roots in jail.
Shakes (this is before I knew more about the terms of his deal): Probably not. Probably just a fine and community service or some shit.
Mr. Shakes: His community service shoold be coompulsory retirement.
Drivin' along in my automobile...
So it's Friday, and after work, I make a trip to the supermarket. I'm in good spirits; the weekend and all, and even if I've got less than forty bucks through to next payday, there are worse things in the world than two days off and a handful of loose change. On my way to the store, I go through four or five traffic lights, and the two right near the end are a mess- four-way intersections with popular cross traffic turns and no left arrow signals. During the busy hours, you can get stuck forever waiting for somebody brave enough to make a dash for it.
I hit the first light, pulling up up behind a mini-van with what must've been a dozen bumper stickers plastered on the back. Before I can read them, I see some pastel colors and assume it's for something happy, life-affirming; I vaguely remember having seen a slogan for Planned Parenthood or some other such thing before that looked similar.
Then I get close enough to really see those bumper stickers, and man, was I ever wrong. There's a long line of cars ahead of us, so I get to spend the next five minutes contemplating just how wrong a person could be about a back end of bumper stickers.
The pastel on white? That was a "VOTE NO ON 1" or maybe "VOTE YES ON 1," the really memorable bit being the "PROTECT MARRIAGE" line. Woo-hoo. The other eleven messages from the frizzy hair stranger ten feet away from me focused on a different topic: abortion. These were even more charming. My favorite- well, favorite in the "Sartre was right" sense- read, "An abortion doesn't mean you're not a mother; it means you're the mother of a DEAD BABY." (Emphasis, it goes without saying, there's.) The rest were along the same line, all accusatory, the linguistic equivalent of a series of kidney punches.
I realize this isn't new, but the sheer weight of it, the fact that you could barely see the license plate behind the carnage, overwhelmed me. This isn't a matter of communicating ideas or debate. You see a car like that, and you can imagine the person hunched over their tailgate, rubbing their palms across each vicious word to make sure all of them stick; imagine how much hate goes into that.
This isn't a position being expressed. This is fury. That this is encouraged- actually embraced- as a fuel for the workings of a political party, is as horrifying as it is inevitable. We are endlessly outraged by the lies the other side will tell, but I think what bothers me the most is what Shakespeare's Sis was talking about earlier today; that in their obsessive need for power the GOP has embraced the more chaotic elements of society and in doing so, created an echo chamber in which those elements' every word is reflected back upon them with the full power of a thousand shrieking voices.
RUSH BUSTED!!!
CBS News is reporting that Rush Limbaugh has been arrested on prescription fraud charges! More news as I can find it…
(Via Think Progress; thanks to Blogenfreude for the pointer.)
UPDATE: Okay, here’s more…
Limbaugh turned himself in to authorities on a warrant issued by the state attorney's office, said agency spokeswoman Teri Barbera.All I can say is: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!
The conservative radio commentator came into the jail at about 4 p.m. with his attorney Roy Black and was released an hour later on $3,000 bail, Barbera said.
The warrant was for fraud to conceal information to obtain prescription, Barbera said.
It will probably be a slap on the wrist, but I don't care. This is awesome!
Whose bitch do you have to be
to get a Cuban in this joint?
