Shakesville

Nutbag Gets 90 Years for Trying to Kill His Family

Hans Missal, 51, has been sentenced to 90 years in prison after being found guilty of attempted arson and attempted murder. He tried to set his home on fire while his wife and children were sleeping inside—and had succeeded in dumping gasoline everywhere and duct taping the doors shut before his family awoke and managed to thwart his plan.

I bet you’ll never guess why he did it.

Missal said he was following God's orders.

Missal compared himself to the Bible's Abraham, who was commanded by God to sacrifice his own son, and said he received a message from God to kill his entire family, Local 6 News reported.

"God had a plan for my family, I had no idea what that plan was," Missal said. "I trusted God and God was faithful to the end."

Missal said God stopped the sacrifice by waking up the family before he set the house on fire.

"I know that God was putting me through a test," Missal said. "He said, 'Do you love your family?' And absolutely, I love them more than anything in this world."

"Missal understands why people may think he is mentally ill," Local 6 reporter Mike DeForest said. "But he said it was all God's plan for him to serve the next 90 years in prison."

He also said it was God's plan for his wife and children to endure such mental anguish.

Charming.

At least his family was all right, thanks to god’s last minute “Psych!”

Snow day

I have to admit to being a bit nonplussed over the avalanche (sorry) of media and blogospheric attention devoted to the appointment of Fox News talking head Tony Snow to the office of White House mouthpiece. After all, somebody had to take the job, and who more suitable - and less surprising - than an administration-friendly face from the network charitably described in some corners (including this one) as the American Pravda? This is the doggiest of a "dog bites man" stories, folks. Now had Helen Thomas signed on as press secretary, that would be real news.

It will be interesting to watch Snow for the inevitable nervous tics and Queeg-like mannerisms that will emerge in this, the hell-comes-to-breakfast phase of the Bush presidency. It didn't take long for the natural course of events to break Scott McClellan, and he was front and center for just the earliest of bills coming due.

One thing this story does is sharpen one's appreciation for Ari Fleischer's finely-honed sense of timing...and survival. He knew precisely when to bail out of this flaming wreck of an administration.

Welcome aboard, Tony!

(Sorry, but I just had to jump in the Snow drift. Cross-posted.)

Turd Blossom to Grand Jury for Fifth Time

Wednesday's session is believed to be only the second time Fitzgerald has met with the grand jury which is examining questions left unanswered in the Plame affair. The only other time Fitzgerald was seen going before the new panel was Dec. 7.

Very interesting. My spider sense is telling me Rove’s about to have his ass handed to him. Ostensibly, this fifth appearance is to allow Rove to clear up lingering questions, but his track record doesn’t lead me (or any other cognizant being, I’ll wager) to believe that he will be totally forthcoming this time, either, since he’s obviously as guilty as sin. If anyone can finally nail him to the wall, it’s Fitzy—and I feel it coming, yessir, I do.

Now prepare to be shocked:

White House spokesman Scott McClellan refused to answer any questions related to Rove and the grand jury.

Wow, there’s a change. Man, if Rove does get indicted, the McClellatron will probably spend his days sitting in front of the TV, laughing maniacally and furiously masturbating to celebrate his freedom as he watches Snow squirm. “Free at last!” the McClellatron will cry. “Thank God Almighty, I’m free at last!”

Money Well Spent

Ann "Hysterical Insanity Sells" Coulter recently appeared at Chicago's Loyola University. Some progressive students attended, no doubt to view the horror (and apparently to shout a few insults). What followed was the usual Coulter shtick, and examples of what's happening to political "discourse" in this country. Coulter is her usual insulting, childish self. From the Campus Progress Blog: (Bolds mine)

I went to my seat and prepared myself mentally to take in Ms. Coulter objectively. The Loyola Anti-War Network protested her appearance by forming a chain in the back of the auditorium and facing the other way. As soon as Ms. Coulter came out she said, "Since you are feminists, standing makes your butts look really big." I was a little upset by this comment, but I held my cool. I was stupid and had the college republicans seat me up close so I could get good pictures. Needless to say I was sitting next to some Coulter-lovers who were practically foaming at the mouth in ecstacy with all of Coulter's comments. All of the protestors were taken out by security. This elevated the level of joy in the Coulter-supporters sitting around me.

Hahahaha! It makes their butts look big! HAHAHAHAHA!

Jesus Christ, how pathetic can you get?

Coulter of course went on her usual bloviating saying that Democrats have bumper stickers that say, "I heart partial birth abortion."

As I chuckled sarcastically at her remark, a girl turned around and gave me a dirty look. I sort of gave her a dirty look back and before I knew it, she told me to "Shut the fuck up." I was so taken aback by her comments, I said, "uhh, not you shut the fuck up." Then she turned more towards me and said, "I'll fucking kick your ass." I was so SHOCKED that this girl had the actual nerve to say this to me let alone on a college campus lecture, all I could say was well, "that's typical." I'm looking around me at the chaos and I see peaceful protestors getting yanked from the crowd, that I find security and tell them that a girl had just threatened me! He went to confront the girl and all of a sudden all of her friends were like "No, she threatened her!". You can only begin to imagine my shock and indignation about this girl's lack of principle and ethics. It really was the definition of mob action and what people will do when they lack the any sort of backbone.

Spineless liars. Yeah, sounds about right. I wonder if The Disgruntled Chemist is having flashbacks?

I went to find a dean and asked to be reseated and a nice although I assume tense college republican reseated me. This wasn't before the President of College Republicans of pulling a McCarthyist tactic on me by accusing me of being from that "far-left" website.

The protesting from the balcony only increased with time with shouts of "ANN IS A RACIST" to even an immature, yet mildly amusing, call for "Show us your tits."

Ann addressed her supporters in the crowd with this statement. "You're men. You're heterosexuals. Take 'em out." She chided them further when they did not rise. Before you knew it there was about 25 students marching to the balcony to supposedly "take out" the protestors above. I saw a priest holding students back and deans and security warning the students to go back to their seats. Chaos erupted. Ann left after taking one question. The question was, "How can you justify the marginalization of women when you yourself are a woman?".

To which Ann replied, "I don't."

And the cost for that one question, and a pathetic speech of feeble "Democrats want to kill all babies and have big butts" statements? For encouraging her supporters (Heterosexual MANLY men! Grr!) to "take 'em out?" (Which was, I'm sure, one of her "jokes.")

Twenty Four Thousand Dollars.

Of student money.

Hell, I don't go to Loyola, and I feel ripped off.

I feel a little foolish, blogging about Coulter. After all, this is what she does. She makes an appearance, makes insane, insulting, racist statements, and we progressives do all her P.R. work by writing about them.

That said, I'm doing it anyway. Curses.

Coulter is completely out of control; anyone that incites students to attack each other has no business speaking anywhere. And she certainly doesn't deserve $24,000 for that pathetic display.

$24,000. Jesus.

(Energy Dome tip to August. Coulter 'toon by Tom Tomorrow. It's a Dead Man's Cross-Post... who could ask for more?)

Suspicious Minds

Drifty’s written an excellent piece, Behold the Amazing Jebusaurus!, on the Creation Museum being built on the Answers in Genesis “campus.” The whole thing is worth your time to read, so I’m not going to try to highlight any excerpts.

There is, though, one thing from the Chicago Tribune article that serves as the basis for Drifty’s post on which I want to comment.

While mainstream scientists shake their heads, marketing research indicates Answers in Genesis may be welcoming up to 250,000 visitors a year after the museum's scheduled debt-free opening next spring, according to Michael Zovath, vice president of the Creation Museum. Admission fees remain to be determined.

"The 250,000 people going to it will go back to their legislators and pressure them to vote for Jesus," said Volney Gay, director of the Center for Religion and Culture at Vanderbilt University in Nashville. "There's a suspicion of science and a suspicion of intellectuals in general."

A suspicion of intellectuals in general. Think about that for a moment. A suspicion of—and let’s be real; that’s a generous way of saying “a contempt for”—those who use their intellects, who engage reason. These are the same people who are horrified by the thought of our having evolved from apes, who scoff at the notion precisely because they view it as undermining the specialness of humankind. All of god’s creatures are divine, but humans, they believe, are a little bit diviner, because we know god, unlike those butt-scratching monkeys with their unopposable thumbs.

One might assume they would notice that the ability to “know god” is predicated on the intellectual capacity unique to humans, that perhaps the in whom god they so fervently believe imbued them with this faculty specifically so they could know him, and other things. One would be wrong. That, my friends, is logic, reason—and they don’t “do” reason. They are, instead, suspicious of it.

What I find most loathsome about the disdainers of intellectualism is that they subscribe to a doctrine which explicitly states that they were given free will, and they choose not to use it. Worse yet, given the opportunity, they would make life unbearable for those of us who do.

Get Your Barfbags

As a professional journalist, Tony Snow understands the importance of the relationship between government and those whose job it is to cover the government.

Yes, I’m sure having worked at Fox, he’s well aware of the special relationship between government and the media who “cover” the government.

Snow Job

It's official. Announcement tomorrow. Foxy.

Fun with Site Meter: Search Terms Edition

I am proud to announce that Shakespeare’s Sister is the #1 listing on Yahoo for the term “women aren’t funny.”

That makes sense. There ain’t a funny bitch in sight around this joint.

(This is the post that does it, btw.)

The Unbelievers

"House" was solid tonight, as it usually is; while I wish they'd lose some of the strict adherence to pattern, the developing of the relationship between House and his best (and apparently only) friend, Wilson, keeps the predictable structure from stagnating. In this evening's episode, "House vs. God," a young faith-healer is brought to the hospital after collapsing, and while the doctors try and find out what caused his collapse, his strong religious convictions set House's teeth on edge. Things get worse when the patient, in the grip of a seizure, apparently manages to partially heal a terminal cancer patient of Wilson's.

No spoilers, in case you were planning on catching the rerun, but by the end, the status quo is restored, and House is ultimately proven correct in his suspicions. This isn't particularly surprising; television shows are invariably loathe to commit to one side of any argument (unless it's "Should we kill cute puppies?"), and if the show had ended with House forced to acknowledge the supremacy of God, it would unbalance the series as a whole. Similarly, there have to be a few moments before the credits where a character puts House in his place by reminding him (and us) that his discoveries don't disprove God. As Wilson tells House at the end, wryly, "You are... just as God made you."

This got me to thinking about just how rare it is to see a sympathetic atheist on the small screen. Religion, when it's brought up at all, is treated the same way that sitcoms treat Santa Claus; there's always one guy who acts all gruff and cynical, but by the end, some little thing happens that puts him in his place, and then everybody gets presents.

I'm hopelessly naive, but I think there's something wrong with this. It shouldn't be so unheard of for a show to have a story that doesn't try and soften the atheist's position by spouting platitudes, as though audiences would riot if a work of fiction dared to suggest that God doesn't actually exist. You can argue that popular entertainment shouldn't limit itself to one viewpoint, but it really doesn't feel like an even split; much like the constant lean of emotionalism over intellect ("Follow your heart," is a cliche, why isn't "Follow your brain"?), people who believe in god are given more of the benefit of a doubt. There are negative portrayals of religious zealots, but the worst scorn is usually reserved for the skeptics.

I don't really have the space (or, let's face it, the patience) to give this the depth it deserves, but it's something that bothers me whenever I watch too much television. Perhaps it's my own paranoia; it's certainly dangerous to read too deeply into anything that appears on the Brain Dead Box. But it would be nice to have atheism be a character trait that doesn't need to be explained away by psychological failings or arrogance.

Question of the Day

Who are your most beloved characters from works of written fiction?

Mine:

Captain Jack Aubrey & Dr. Stephen Maturin from O'Brian's Aubrey/Maturin series.
Harry Flashman from Geroge MacDonald Fraser's Flashman Papers.
Konstantin Dmitrich Levin from Tolstoy's Anna Karenina.
Sydney Carton from Dicken's A Tale of Two Cities.

Add that's just off the top of my head, of course.

Right-Wing Rules

Make an obvious joke, get accused of plagiarism.

Snow Job (Continued)

More on the McClellatron's heir apparent…

Think Progress reports that Fox shill extraordinaire Tony Snow will likely be formally announced as the new White House Press Secretary tomorrow, in spite of his having "asked for guaranteed access to the president's ear and to an unusually large degree of latitude to reconfigure the WH press operation. … Snow, not content to be a herald, also wants near-complete control over what he says from the podium, be it bromides, platitudes or substance."

Substance? Ha ha. Good one.

OMG—LOL!!!

Pop Quiz: Who penned the following?

Does Feminism Control The Bush Administration?

…Is President George W. Bush a feminist, or is he just a typical gentleman who is intimidated by feminists and unable to cope with their unreasonable demands, tantrums and rudeness?

A. Hilarious prop comic Carrot Top?

B. One of the proverbial thousand typing monkeys, who didn’t come up with Shakespeare, but instead this malarkey?

C. Phyllis Schlafly?

If you guessed C, you are correct, although Shakespeare’s Sister would also have accepted B, since the two are really of a difference without a distinction.

(Via Jessica.)

Caption This!

How about a little fun at the Gropenator's expense?

Photo courtesy of my buddy Grendel; my other friend choconado had this to say:

my how Maria has grown since then...

Heh, indeed, as the kids say.

The more things change, the more they stay the same

Tomorrow night, HBO is set to premiere Billie Jean King: Portrait of a Pioneer, which profiles the trailblazing tennis player who fought for equal pay and opportunity on behalf of female athletes. (I've seen some previews for it; it looks quite good.)

Broadsheet reports on just one of the many effects King had on her legions of fans:

In 1973, King famously played played male tennis star Bobby Riggs in front of 30,000 people in the Astrodome and 90 million on worldwide television, beating Riggs in straight sets. She says that she is still approached by men about that match. She calls them "the first generation of men in the women's movement," and reports that when they talk to her about it, "they have tears in their eyes, they're in their late 40s and 50s. 'I was really young when I watched your match, I have a daughter now. I cannot tell you how that changed my life and how I raise my daughter.'"

It's strange to think how recently it was that the thought of a professional female athlete being able to hold her own against, no less beat, a male peer was nothing short of revolutionary. That men to this day tell King that her willingness to put herself out there like that affected the way they raised their daughters speaks to what a big deal it really was. So inspiring.

Which made reading this post at Feministing all the more disheartening:

The prize money at Wimbledon this year will be to $1.17 million for the men’s champion and $1.1 million for the women’s.

Wimbledon is the only grand slam tennis event not to pay men and women equally.

Come on, Wimbledon. Get it together. At a time when we're celebrating the legacy of Billie Jean King, such disparity should be ancient history.

(Crossposted at AlterNet PEEK.)

The Slurpfest Continues

Q: Does Jim Baker ever tire of hungrily sucking the Bush family dick?

A: No.

The Heretik Makes Me Giggle

George W. Bush, great patriot:

The White House is shocked, shocked to discover possible gas price gouging. Anonymous sources driving in large presidential SUV said Bush would comment on ongoing investigation so long as it was helpful politically. Another senior White House official speaking on condition of anonymity said Bush would not speak on windfall profits tax at all. Another senior White House aide said Bush’s cross country trips on Air Force One to pump up his octane politically would continue.

"The President is setting a great example flying everywhere," the aide stressed, adding that the president was not stressed. "When the President of the United States flies all over the place, he is making America strong. By wasting all that jet fuel, he is helping people realize we have to deal with the oil addiction some people have."

Dildo? Dilno.

South Carolina Rep. Ralph Davenport wants to make all sex toys illegal in SC. It would be a felony to sell them and sex toys could be seized as contraband, according to the bill he recently introduced.

What is it with wingnuts and sex? Yeesh. In discussing this topic elsewhere, someone defended this law by saying that: "god gives men and women all they need to pleasure each other" and that using sex toys is adultery. Yes, adultery. Even when it's just the 'husband and wife' in 'the marriage bed', it's adultery. These people are freaks. Anyway, a friend of mine (who asked to remain anonymous) wrote this for the wingnuts and I thought you all would enjoy it:

I will not do it, it is sick,
I will not use a plastic dick.

I will not use a cooter ball,
They will not help my sex at all.

I will not use that buzzing stick,
for it's not naturally on his dick.

You will not touch me with those toys,
I'll only touch your natural boys.

I will not climax unnaturally,
for hell is not where I will be.

The rest of you are sure to fry,
From orgasms that make you fly.

And dildos, sorry, they will not do,
No sex in places from which I poo.

I only have one hole to fill,
and only with a man, I will.

Don't be a dirty, nasty freak,
The mind is strong, the flesh is weak.

Drop those whips and chains right now!
You can get to heaven I'll show you how!

I shit you not.

Bush Eases Environmental Rules on Gasoline.

President Bush on Tuesday ordered a temporary suspension of environmental rules for gasoline, making it easier for refiners to meet demand and possibly dampen prices at the pump. He also halted for the summer the purchase of crude oil for the government's emergency reserve.

…Easing the environment rules will allow refiners greater flexibility in providing oil supplies since they will not have to use certain additives such as ethanol to meet clean air standards.

…It's unclear what impact, if any, Bush's investigation would have on prices that are near or at $3 a gallon or more. Asked if Bush had any reason to suspect market manipulation, White House press secretary Scott McClellan responded, "Well, gas prices are high right now, and that's why you want to make sure there's not."

So much for that probe into price gouging, I guess.

This is total bullshit. The industry execs are making money hand over fist. It’s utterly deplorable that we’re compromising our environment even further to ensure they can keep their fat profits. Bush is a total scumbag.

The deep unpopularity of an unpopular president

Bob Geiger, looking at state-by state-approvals of Bush, finds that his slide may actually be deeper than any one poll shows. In just the 18 months since his reelection, the map has gone from 31 red states to just four: Utah (55%), Wyoming (54%), Idaho (53%), and Nebraska (51%), which collectively comprise "barely two percent of the 296.5 million people in the United States based on a July 2005 Census Bureau estimate."

What's also interesting is to see which states are abandoning Bush to the greatest degree. When measured by what percentage vote they gave Bush in 2004 compared to the latest approval ratings, here are the states in which the president has lost the most support:

-- Kentucky (-21%)
-- Indiana (-21%)
-- North Dakota (-20%)
-- Montana (-20%)

And there are many other states not far behind, where the unpopular president has lost between 15 and 19 percent of his support.

...[I]n case you're wondering how he's doing back in the Lone Star State, Bush is clinging to a dismal 45 percent approval rating in his home state, with 17 percent loss of support since 2004.

At this rate, he may not even be able to go back home to Crawford after he's impeached.

Well, I'm sure there's good brush-clearin' in Utah.

Eight states (Illinois, New Jersey, Connecticut, Delaware, Vermont, Rhode Island, and New York) all come in with a less-than-30% approval rating already, with the last two topping out at a mere 24%.

Not good news for the embattled prez...which makes John Dean’s piece excerpted by Rex, below, all the more chilling. Finding that Bush falls into the James Dave Barber-defined category of an "active/negative," and bearing in mind that he must feel like a cornered rat on the sinking ship that is his administration, Dean’s prediction that "As the 2006 midterm elections approach, this active/negative president can be expected to take further risks” is truly scary stuff. Fates save us from our Dear Leader, since a block-headed majority obviously weren't interested in saving themselves, or the rest of us.

(Crossposted at AlterNet PEEK.)