Shakesville

News that surprises precisely no one

I...er...uh...what were we talking about?

All too often, you hear in the news of some study or survey - often funded to the gills by taxpayer dollars - that seems to confirm the stunningly obvious. For example: the mere sight of a sexy dame shuts down men's critical faculties.

Really, now?

Sex cues ruin men's decisiveness

Catching sight of a pretty woman really is enough to throw a man's decision-making skills into disarray, a study suggests.

The more testosterone he has, the stronger the effect, according to work by Belgian researchers.
Men about to play a financial game were shown images of sexy women or lingerie.

The Proceedings of the Royal Society B study found they were more likely to accept
unfair offers than men not been exposed to the alluring images.

The suggestion is that the sexual cues distract the men's thoughts, preventing them
from focusing on their task - particularly among those with high natural testosterone levels.

Well, you could have knocked me over with an 8x10 glossy of Rosario Dawson. This isn't news, of course; many decisions made by men are the sad result of thinking with the little head rather than the big head, especially as last call approaches at the corner bar. The interesting aspect of the story involves that wondrous and sadly-maligned steroid hormone, vitamin T - testosterone. The notion that sexual distraction is highest in those men who are generously, er, endowed with the stuff makes a kind of CW sense. This, however, was news to me:

The men's testosterone levels were also tested - by comparing the length of the men's index finger compared to their ring finger.
If the ring finger is longer, it indicates a high testosterone level.

Find me a man who reads that and doesn't immediately begin sizing up his own fingers, and I call him illumined. Apparently, I am not illumined. How did my ring and index fingers compare? Hey, that's my lookout. Of course, even my wife began eyeing her own fingers when I told her this story.

She also asked if the study found that women were similarly distracted by sexual cues. When I told her the tests didn't study women (except as stimuli), she scoffed. I'd like to know the results of a woman-based study myself.

It occurs to me that this phenomenon might explain the work performance of Donald Rumsfeld. But that conjures up images I can't quite deal with.

(Did I cross-post this? I can't recall...)

White House “Shake-up”

Harriet Miers may be next to go.

LA Times blogger suspended for being a douchebag

Or something like that.

So, here’s the short version: Michael Hiltzik is a purportedly liberal columnist for the LA Times, who started a sponsored blog, Golden State, for the Times back in October of last year. (I say “purportedly” only because I’m not familiar with his work, so I don’t know if he’s genuinely liberal, or “liberal” like the entire MSM is “liberal,” although his blogroll certainly seems to suggest he is actually liberal.)

Yesterday, conservative blogger Patterico revealed in a well-documented post that Hiltzik has been posting not only as himself, but also under two pseudonyms, which he used to issue approving comments of his own work and castigations of other bloggers and journalists he doesn’t like. Hiltzik then admitted it and basically said, “What’s the big deal? Patterico’s a poopyhead.” (More specifically, he ignored the issue of how he was using his pseudonyms and mounted a defense of pseudonymity, which, of course, isn’t the issue.) Now the top post of his blog informs readers that the LA Times has suspended his blog as they investigate the charges.

That is a violation of The Times ethics guidelines, which requires editors and reporters to identify themselves when dealing with the public.

Of course it is. This strikes me as no different than if a columnist wrote a letter to the editor praising his own work under a fake name. Unless Hiltzik’s got a raging case of multiple personality disorder, there’s no excuse for hiding behind fake, anonymous commenting personas to defend your work, no less engage in flame wars, then run back to your own blog and post as yourself to congratulate your other, secret self on what a good job you’re doing taking on your opponents.

Patterico says this shouldn’t be a firing offense, but I disagree; this wasn’t just some random personal blog of some dude in Nowheresville—it was the employer-sponsored blog of a professional journalist, whose credibility is now zero, which doesn’t just affect him, but his employer and their reputation. Frankly, he should have been shitcanned after he was busted snooping into his colleagues’ email back in 1993.

In the interim, he won a Pulitzer for beat journalism. He certainly strikes me as someone who ought to have known better. Something tells me if I were singing my own praises in the comments of this blog or others, or hid my criticisms of others, behind conjured façades, the Shakers might consider me a bit of a wanker—and they’d be right.

Friday Blogrollin'

Stop by and say hi to...

Night Bird’s Fountain
Waffle Ass
Poetic Justice
Last Left Turn Before Hooterville
Eternal Ecstasy
(I’m a little behind on blogrolling, so if you’ve begged, pleaded, emailied, whored, or otherwise requested inclusion on the Ginormous Shakes Blogroll, but aren’t there yet, please don’t assume it’s because I think you don’t deserve to be there. Ditto the Big Props section, which is in desperate need of updating, but I just haven’t gotten around to it. And, as always, please feel free to advertise your blog in comments—I really do pay attention, I promise!)

Boy, we sure know how to throw a party.

Good summary by Dana Milbank of the “host of indignities” with which we meant China’s President Hu Jintao yesterday:

If only the White House hadn't given press credentials to a Falun Gong activist who five years ago heckled Hu's predecessor, Jiang Zemin, in Malta. Sure enough, 90 seconds into Hu's speech on the South Lawn, the woman started shrieking, "President Hu, your days are numbered!" and "President Bush, stop him from killing!"

Bush and Hu looked up, stunned. It took so long to silence her -- a full three minutes -- that Bush aides began to wonder if the Secret Service's strategy was to let her scream herself hoarse…

The protocol-obsessed Chinese leader suffered a day full of indignities -- some intentional, others just careless. The visit began with a slight when the official announcer said the band would play the "national anthem of the Republic of China" -- the official name of Taiwan. It continued when Vice President Cheney donned sunglasses for the ceremony, and again when Hu, attempting to leave the stage via the wrong staircase, was yanked back by his jacket. Hu looked down at his sleeve to see the president of the United States tugging at it as if redirecting an errant child.

Then there were the intentional slights…

How do you say, “Oy vey” in Chinese?

Now that your picture's in the paper...

Well, now that the heady rush of my anointment ("Hey, would you like to-" "OHMIGOD, YES WOO-HOO! SHAKESIS 4EVAR!!!" "Um, right...") is passing, it occurs to me that I should probably generate some actual content. Admittedly, yes, that picture of me in the sidebar really is hot enough to justify its own existence, but I'm committed to more than that.

A couple of short points, to get the ball rolling:

1.Scary Movie 4 is the number one movie in the country. Way to go us. It's like touching a hot stove once, and then touching it three more times and each time thinking, "C'mon, what're the odds of getting burned again?" Charlie Brown had less patience with Lucy and that damn football, and he wasn't shelling out 10 bucks for movie tickets; are people so terrified of anything new that they'll swallow crap so long as they recognize the brand name?

Or maybe I'm thinking about this the wrong way. It's not like the Scary Movie series is known for its rich continuity. Perhaps they'll keep making more until every person in the country has seen at least one; and perhaps on that day we will rise together as a nation, heads held high, and proclaim, "Recreating Iconic Scenes In Recent Popular Films Does Not A Parody Make," and thus shalt we be forever rid of lazy 90 minute fart jokes with pretensions to plot.

2. Two potentially interesting movies coming out this week: American Dreamz and Silent Hill. (There's also The Sentinel, but the plot- Michael Douglas is a disgraced Secret Service agent trying to stop a conspiracy against the president- sounds a bit too much like In the Line of Fire 2: the Repeatening.) American Dreamz is at least trying to do something different, which I respect it for, and I really like the cast a lot. But I dunno. I doubt Weitz will forgoe sappy togetherness for the satire this kind of subject needs, and I really have no interest in watching the "Bush is dumb but nice" meme be further prolonged. He's not a clown, and painting him as such serves only to make it next to impossible for strong criticism to have any sort of impact. You can be mean and stupid, folks.

Definitely going to see Silent Hill, though. I've never played the game, but the trailer was cool, and, well, I love horror movies.

Welcome, Zack!

As you may have noticed in the sidebar, we have a new contributor—Zack, who is not only the author of The Duck Speaks, but also our new Superhero-in-Residence, which is, let’s face it, what this site has been lacking. I was introduced to Zack at B-Fest by Spudsy, so he’s one of the few people who’s actually seen my dumb ass in action (no less clad in my favorite shirt)—and he still hangs around anyway, so this is the least I can do for him.

In all seriousness, he’s a great writer, and although his expertise is movies, I’m sure, much like the rest of us, he’ll be writing all kinds of bullshit in no time.

Thanks for joining us, Zack!

QoTD: Busted! Hahahaha! Edition

Alright, so we've covered sexual position and place now we move on to Shaker Starling's suggestion: most embarrassing time getting caught in the act.

I was sixteen and had taken my boyfriend home after school, since I was the one with a car. His parents were both teachers and never came home before five. We decided to be adventurous and get it on in the middle of the living room. Can you see where this is going? Anyway, this living room happened to have a HUGE bay window and if you were walking up and stood on the front stoop, you could see right into the living room. Sooooo, we were in the midst of it and the doorbell rings. And then the door opens. It's his mom. She came home early and had seen us through the window (hence the doorbell ringing).

Now, now. This isn't the most embarrassing part. No, no. It gets better.

You see, we had jumped up and I grabbed a blanket to cover up with. Mrs. Boyfriend's Mother proceeded to then lecture us about sex. Right there in the living room. At one point she noticed I had the blanket and asked me:

"Do you have any pants on?"

"Um. No."

"Why don't you go put on some pants?"

I laugh about this now but, man, was I mortified at the time. I actually have more 'caught' stories to tell. I should tell you the one involving my mom and "you have big balls" some time.

So, Shakers, whatcha got?

The Adventures of Georgie

Part of a continuing series of keeping up with the president’s presidenting via the news services’ daily photo dumps…

So, just what kinds of madcap mischief has that pesky preznit been getting up to the past few days?

Made funny faces:

Tried to keep up with schoolchildren:

Demonstrated the maximum height
at which you can stand in order to even
be afforded lipservice about not getting
left behind in America:

Tip-toed through the tulips:

Revealed his IQ to the press corps:

Pulled a Costanza and “felt someone’s material”:

And made people uncomfortable by
hovering and drooling maniacally
over their booze:

All in all, a pretty good couple of days!

Louisiana to South Dakota: Me, too!

Jessica reports that “a Louisiana bill that would ban almost all abortions passed a Senate committee and is on its way to the Senate floor.” Right now, it includes a provision for legal abortions to save the life of the mother, but Sen. Diana Bajoie, D-New Orleans, wants to “‘make it more pro-life’ by not allowing any exceptions.” I’ll leave it to you to parse that logic in comments.

Thursday Name That Cult Movie Game!

You know the drill: Leave your guesses in comments, and if you use the IMDB to cheat, your head will fall off at a socially awkward moment.

1. Robin Hood: "Here we are, madam. Congratulations. Well done. Congratulations."
(One of the Merry Men punches the woman in the face)
Robin Hood: "Is that absolutely necessary?"
Man: (Rants gibberish)
Robin Hood: "What did he say?"
Marion: "He said yes, he's afraid it is."
Robin Hood: "Ah, fine."

2. "I went to one of those obedience places once... it was all going well until they spilled hot candle wax on my private parts."

3. "This is a lovely golf course, I'm tempted to join the club."
"I'm afraid you can't."
"You mean they discriminate against Scots?"
"No, they just don't want assholes in the clubhouse."

4. "Look, Babs. So many little eggies, and I'm still starving, and I'm going to eat them all before I go to sleepie." (That one's especially for Shakes. ;) )

5. "Don't fight it son. Confess quickly! If you hold out too long you could jeopardize your credit rating!"

6. "When are kids gonna learn? Just say no to Butt Polish."

7. "There's danger in that hungry plant... It thrives on meat!"

8. "Every bone in his body must be broken. But I'm not sure that's what killed him."

9. "Tonight, on the Clamp Cable Classic Movie Channel, don't miss Casablanca, now in full color... with a happier ending!"

10. "You clowns are on dope!"
"You didn't see nothing old man. We're just five happy party clowns, sitting down to a plate of beef. White- powdery- beef."

Double Your Dose of Double Standards

Here (via C&L) and here (via Gordon at Alternate Brain).

Yanky McWanker

U.S. President George W. Bush (R) reaches out and pulls Chinese President Hu Jintao back by his suit jacket as the President of China prepared to walk down the wrong set of steps to leave the stage during the official South Lawn Arrival Ceremonies at the White House in Washington, April 20, 2006. REUTERS/Jim Bourg

Yeesh, if the worst thing that could happen was Hu Jintao walking down the wrong set of steps, you say, “This way, Mr. President,” you don’t grab him like he’s an errant toddler. Good lord. What a rude jackass.

(Via ohnotheydidn’t, where you’ll find more pictures; thanks to Shaker Leti for passing it along.)

“A Crisis Almost Without Equal”

This piece by E&P’s Greg Mitchell is so excellent, I’m reposting it in full. (Please note what follows is all Mitchell, but I have not blockquoted due to length.)

A Crisis Almost Without Equal
Republicans and Democrats alike are starting to face the prospect of what it means to have George W. Bush as their commander in chief for another 33 months -- in a time of war, terrorism, and nuclear intrigue. How can the press contribute to confronting the crisis? First: recognize it exists.

By Greg Mitchell

(April 19, 2006) -- No matter which party they generally favor or political stripes they wear, newspapers and other media outlets need to confront the fact that America faces a crisis almost without equal in recent decades.

Our president, in a time of war, terrorism and nuclear intrigue, will likely remain in office for another 33 months, with crushingly low approval ratings that are still inching lower. Facing a similar problem, voters had a chance to quickly toss Jimmy Carter out of office, and did so. With a similar lengthy period left on his White House lease, Richard Nixon quit, facing impeachment. Neither outcome is at hand this time.

The alarm should be bi-partisan. Many Republicans fear their president's image as a bumbler will hurt their party for years. The rest may fret about the almost certain paralysis within the administration, or a reversal of certain favorite policies. A Gallup poll this week revealed that 44% of Republicans want some or all troops brought home from Iraq. Do they really believe that their president will do that any time soon, if ever?

Democrats, meanwhile, cross their fingers that Bush doesn’t do something really stupid -- i.e. nuke Iran -- while they try to win control of at least one house in Congress by doing nothing yet somehow earning (they hope) the anti-Bush vote.

Meanwhile, a severely weakened president retains, and has shown he is willing to use, all of his commander-in-chief authority, and then some.

No wonder so many are starting to look for a way to shorten or short-circuit the extended crisis period. Republicans demand a true shake-out at the White House. This week at Vanity Fair online, Carl Bernstein is calling for a Watergate-style congressional probe of possible high crimes and misdemeanors. Even Neil Young is weighing in with a soon-to-be-released song that urges, “Let’s impeach the president -- for lying.”

But rather than push impeachment for partisan reasons, the Democrats will actually put it off -- for partisan reasons. An unpopular president helps their drive for votes in November, and everything else is secondary.

So let’s assume, as Nixon might put it, that we do have George Bush to kick around for another almost-three-years. How worried should we be about the possible damage he might inflict -- and what can the press do about it?

Consider Thomas Friedman’s column in The New York Times today, and its implications.

Friedman, who still supports the Iraq war, opens by declaring that given a choice between a nuclear Iran and an attack on that country engineered by the White House, he would choose the former. That’s how little he trusts the diplomatic and military chops of Bush, Rumsfeld, Condi and Co. He cites “the level of incompetence that the Bush team has displayed in Iraq, and its refusal to acknowledge any mistakes or remove those who made them.”

But then he goes on: “I look at the Bush national security officials much the way I look at drunken drivers. I just want to take away their foreign policy driver's licenses for the next three years. Sorry, boys and girls, you have to stay home now -- or take a taxi. ... You will not be driving alone. Not with my car.”

The problem -- the crisis -- is that Bush and Co. likely WILL be driving the “car” for 33 more months.

Friedman knows this: “If ours were a parliamentary democracy, the entire Bush team would be out of office by now, and deservedly so. ... But ours is not a parliamentary system, and while some may feel as if this administration's over, it isn't. So what to do? We can't just take a foreign policy timeout.”

Perfectly said. Again, the crisis, even if he didn’t call it that: “We can’t just take a foreign policy timeout.”

Friedman, however, is very late in doubting the competence of this crew, and he still backs away from the scary wider view. What to do? he asks. He suggests that Rumsfeld depart, of course, and then he gets into specifics of how diplomacy might work re: Iran. That leaves hanging the reality of Bush continuing to serve as Master and Commander of the Iraq war and all other foreign policy into 2009.

I don’t have a solution myself now, although all pleas for serious probes, journalistic or official, of the many alleged White House misdeeds should be heeded. But my point here is simply to start the discussion, and urge that the media, first, recognize that the crisis—or, if you want to say, impending crisis -- exists, and begin to explore the ways to confront it.

Skin-Crawling Fun!

Eeeeeew!

Just in case the recent creepy posts here haven't given you a permanent case of the jibblies, I recommend heading over to Digby's and Ezra's to read about the extremely skeezy "Father/Daughter Purity Balls."

Seriously, they should have left "balls" out of the title.

Disgusting old coot arrested for giving “door-to-door breast exams”

I admit, my first rather judgmental thought at seeing this at Pam’s was to wonder who the hell would fall for this scam, but evidently he was preying on women who didn’t speak English very well or realize that cancer screening by men who show up at your doors claiming to be doctors isn’t, you know, customary. What a creep.

In addition to his victims, I also feel sorry for his wife, a registered nurse whose black bag was used to give veracity to his doctor pose, presumably without her knowledge.

Wanted: One Virgin Bride

Virgins over the age of 24 need not apply.

Michael Thelemann, 45, of Bray, OK, has put a sign in his yard offering to pay $1,000 for a virgin bride between the ages of 12 and 24. His neighbors are none too pleased, with at least one saying she feels like she’s “living down the street from a pedophile.” Gee, I can’t imagine why she thinks that. Thelemann, on the other hand, just thinks his neighbors are “wicked.”

"I'm just somebody who is getting up there in years, and I'm looking for a born-again, God-fearing virgin between the ages of 12 and 24 who can bear me children," said Thelemann, who was divorced in 1989. "What's the problem? I just think I have some wicked neighbors."

Someone stole the sign, so Thelemann put up another one, adding he’s also not interested in a “pig-worshipping, heathen, white-supremacist wife.” Good to know.

(Via Sploid.)

Hundreds arrested in nine-state immigration raid

Someone’s got to fill those detention centers.

Immigration and Customs Enforcement chief Julie Myers said, “Today's nationwide enforcement actions show how we will use all our investigative tools to bring these individuals to justice, no matter how large or small their company.”

I know that someone who comes to this country illegally is doing something, well, illegal, but somehow locking up otherwise law-abiding citizens who are just desperately searching for a way to provide a better life for themselves or their families doesn’t really strike me as “justice.” I don’t have a perfect solution to offer—I wish I did—but the situation as it stands just makes me terribly, terribly sad.

Another reason to loathe Michelle Malkin

As if you needed one.

Harry Reid says no good military options exist in Iran; Malkin calls him a bed-wettter.

apartheid

Check out The Green Knight's post about William Donohue, who compared the oh-so-persecuted Christians in America and living under apartheid.