I was in Borders the other day purchasing Mozza’a new album, and as I was signing the receipt the sales assistant glanced at my credit card and then suddenly exclaimed, “Oh my God!! Are you Ian McEwan, the famous author??!!” Now, apart from the fact that my name is Iain McEwan, I cannot imagine what could possibly have given her the idea that I may be the Booker Prize winning writer of Amsterdam. Perhaps the foreign accent and the relative rarity of the name helped engender this erroneous assumption, but I’d have thought the tattered Bulls jacket, the unshaven chin, the cheap pants and the very un millionaire-like aura that exudes from every pore of my being would have quickly derailed such a train of thought.
In any event, she was beside herself with excitement, and I must confess that I was very tempted to answer in the affirmative, and then offer to host an impromptu book signing session for the other patrons. This would not have been completely out of character, as I have been known to do things that are almost as crazy in the past, but the Devil within gave me a rare moment of peace, and I instead let out a barking laugh, and pointed out the the additional “i” in my Christian name. This did not go down well, as she seemed to think it very rude of me to not be Ian McEwan, the glamorous wordsmith, and instead be Iain McEwan, the untalented pauper.
So has anything like this ever happened to you, either because of your name or an uncanny resemblance? And did you (or would you) take the plunge and play along?
Question of the Day
Ask and Ye Shall Receive
Because I am nothing if not dedicated to fulfilling my beloved Shakers' every desire:
This will be very useful in 2008, cats. (I’ll take the time then to make it look better. This was just a quickie. Ahem.)
Mr. Unpopular
Bush is at 36%.
If you’re like me, you’re wondering, “Who the hell is still supporting this douchebag?” So I asked one of Shakespeare’s Sister crack staff of statisticians to break down just who is approving and disapproving of Bush these days.
Very interesting indeed. I had no idea there were no many mule fuckers. Huh.
Ha! (part deux)
From the "Tell Us What You Really Think" files:
Bush was taking questions during a discussion on the "Global War on Terror" at Central Piedmont Community College in NC and this exchange occured:
Q You never stop talking about freedom, and I appreciate that. But while I listen to you talk about freedom, I see you assert your right to tap my telephone, to arrest me and hold me without charges, to try to preclude me from breathing clean air and drinking clean water and eating safe food. If I were a woman, you'd like to restrict my opportunity to make a choice and decision about whether I can abort a pregnancy on my own behalf. You are --
THE PRESIDENT: I'm not your favorite guy. Go ahead. (Laughter and applause.) Go on, what's your question?
Q Okay, I don't have a question. What I wanted to say to you is that I -- in my lifetime, I have never felt more ashamed of, nor more frightened by my leadership in Washington, including the presidency, by the Senate, and --
AUDIENCE MEMBERS: Booo!
THE PRESIDENT: No, wait a sec -- let him speak.
Q And I would hope -- I feel like despite your rhetoric, that compassion and common sense have been left far behind during your administration, and I would hope from time to time that you have the humility and the grace to be ashamed of yourself inside yourself. And I also want to say I really appreciate the courtesy of allowing me to speak what I'm saying to you right now. That is part of what this country is about.
C&L reports this guy is Harry Taylor.
Bravo to you, Mr. Taylor.
(hat tip C&L)
Fishy Link
All I’ve got to say about the newfound fossil that bridges the transition from fish to land animal is that, much like the Iraq war, the tax cuts, Bush’s character, Cheney’s character, Rove’s character, DeLay’s ethics (or lack thereof), the true motives of the anti-choice movement, and pretty much every other issue going straight back to and beyond the Civil War:
Libby sings
Remember the Plame case? I’m sure you also remember that this “was definitely going to look bad for Rove” and “might even get Darth Cheney” because of the testimony of I. “Scooter” Libby. We learn that Libby sings and, boy, does he have some pipes:
Vice President Dick Cheney’s former chief of staff has testified that President Bush authorized him to disclose the contents of a highly classified intelligence assessment to the media to defend the Bush administration’s decision to go to war with Iraq, according to papers filed in federal court on Wednesday by Patrick J. Fitzgerald, the special prosecutor in the CIA leak case.
Read the whole article, esp. if you need a run-down of what has been going on all these long months. [ETA:] Booman has a great breakdown and timeline of the whole affair, check it out.
It is a felony for a government official to reveal the name of an undercover CIA operative. By the look of the article and the few mentions of "by authorizing the disclosure of classified information, [Bush] had in effect declassified the information", apparently the WH is going to defend this by saying “Bush said it’s ok, so it’s ok”.
What was it his dad, the former President and former CIA Director said? Oh yes:
“I have nothing but contempt and anger for those who betray the trust by exposing the name of our sources. They are, in my view, the most insidious of traitors.”—August 20th, 1999
Happy National Tartan Day!
Mr. Shakes forwarded me this hilarious article about Scotland having recently been anointed "the worst small country to live in."
It's top of the charts for manic depression, alcoholism, lung cancer, stomach cancer, colon cancer, heart disease and yellow, plaque-infected teeth. The end of the Scottish race seems guaranteed. We are the national equivalent of the dodo.Too funny! Although, I don’t happen to know a short Scotsman. Mr. Shakes, who stands 6’1, is nearly the runt of his litter of mates. I recall standing in the Tottenham Arms on Tottenham Court Road in London, having a drink with Mr. Shakes and his pals MWS and Big W, who were all towering over me, and getting a crick in my neck from looking up.
And who is to blame for this? Who is to blame for a country with a negative population growth, for a country that ranks 96th in the world of international soccer, for a country that harvests men at 4-foot-5 with sperm counts as low as the nation's year-round cloud cover? Someone has to pay for the corpse of a nation!
Roger Moore must die! The English bastard stole the greatest cinematic role from the only modern Scotsman who ever reached over 6-foot-2. Everyone knows that Scot Sean Connery was the greatest James Bond, always on target with a Beretta and between hot female thighs. He was a man who surely fathered thousands of children by wearing a short bathrobe in the international cock ring of spies. Then he was pulled off the secret agent beat by an effete English private school ninny, a cad who could not act his way out of a paper bag. Scotland's negative population growth would have been eliminated if Big Sean had been allowed to keep up his end of the bargain with the ladies.
But nevermind all that. I found out in this amusing piece by beleaguered Scotsman Alan Black that today is National Tartan Day in the US. It’s not exactly St. Patrick’s Day, but we Scots must take what we can get. So, without further ado, the clan tartans of Shakes Manor:
Clan Lamont
My maiden name is Lemond, which is a sept of Clan Lamont. The septs of the clan are: Black, Brown, Bourdon, Burdon, Lamb, Lambie, Lammie, Lamondson, Landers, Lemond, Limond, Limont, Lucas, Luke, Lyon, Macalduie, MacClymont, MacGilledow, MacGillegowie,Macilzegowie, Macilwhom, MacLamond, MacLucas, MacLymont, MacPatrick, MacPhorich, MacSorley, Meikleham, Patrick, Sorley, Toward, Towart, Turner, White.
So if your name’s on that list, Ne parcas nec spernas!
Clan McEwan
If you’re a McEwan (or any one of the many variations), Reviresco!
I have an audio file of Mr. Shakes singing the Scottish National Anthem that I really, really want to post, but if I did, I would not live to blog another day, so this will have to suffice.
When will we see your like again
That fought and died for
Your wee bit hill and glen.
And stood against him,
Proud Edward's army,
And sent him homeward
Tae think again.
The hills are bare now,
And autumn leaves lie thick and still
O'er land that is lost now,
Which those so dearly held
That stood against him,
Proud Edward's army
And sent him homeward
Tae think again.
And in the past they must remain
But we can still rise now
And be the nation again!
That stood against him
Proud Edward's army
And sent him homeward
Tae think again.
O Flower of Scotland,
When will we see your like again
That fought and died for
Your wee bit hill and glen.
And stood against him,
Proud Edward's army,
And sent him homeward
Tae think again.
Bush is so over.
Quote of the Day, via Griffin:
“We just want him to raise money. Late at night. In an undisclosed location.”
— An aide to Illinois gubernatorial candidate Judy Baar Topinka (R), quoted in the Washington Post, when asked if Topinka wanted President Bush to campaign for her.
How do we deal with this?
This post by Ampersand really bothers me, not because I think he’s wrong, but because he’s absolutely right.
As Ampersand notes, the culture of suspicion disproportionately affects men, which is what makes Peachey’s response, as tragic as it is, understandable. There’s a part of me that feels like he should have been considering the worst-case scenario for the child (which, unfortunately, came to pass) rather than his own worst-case scenario—being accused of attempted abduction. But most of me is wholly sympathetic to him, because I am aware of the hysteria that can build instantaneously around the remotest perception of endangering a child.The toddler wandered from her nursery school, Ready Teddy Go, through a door left open. A bricklayer named Clive Peachey drove past her in his truck. At the inquest, he stated, "I kept thinking I should go back. The reason I didn't was because I thought people might think I was trying to abduct her."There's no doubt that child molestation is a real problem, and increased awareness is a good thing. But as Abby's story horribly illustrates, societies in which adults don't feel free to approach or help strange children, are not child-safe.
Instead, he assured himself that the parents must be "driving around" and would find her.
A few minutes thereafter, Abby fatally fell into an algae-covered pond.
So, what do we do about this? How do we protect children from sexual predators, which (especially as we’ve seen the past few days) is a very real problem, while also protecting them from danger by returning to a place where an adult didn’t feel guilty just at the thought of approaching a strange child who appears in need? Any thoughts?
The Dems’ New Strategy on Abortion
Are you ready for it?
Expanding access to contraceptives and sex education!
As Jill at Feministe notes:
Well, no one has ever thought of this before! It’s not what Planned Parenthood has been advocating for the past, oh, 70-plus years.Yeah, well, exactly. Better late than never.
But good for the Dems for finally catching on. Except, no, progressive Democratic politicians have been pushing this one for a while too. So, really, this is old news. But good on the Dems for finally getting their shit together and whipping up the Prevention First Act.
NARAL’s polling shows respondents in favor of the legislation by a margin of 3-to-1. Celinda Lake, a pollster with Lake Snell Perry Mermin and Associates, working for NARAL, said, “It has the potential to be both a wedge and a turnout issue post-Alito. It shows how extreme a faction [within] the Republican Party is.”
Indeed. Of course, I would like to note that I hope this legislation is being thought of as an expansion of pro-choice policy, and that Dems are still resolved to fight for safe and legal abortion in addition to making prevention a wedge issue.
Punk rock plus Indian appearance equals threat to the United Kingdom
What's all this, then? Via Alex at Martini Republic, we learn that British upper lips aren't any stiffer than ours when it comes to hysterical overreaction:
British anti-terrorism detectives escorted a man from a plane after a taxi driver had earlier become suspicious when he started singing along to a track by punk band The Clash, police said Wednesday.
Detectives halted the London-bound flight at Durham Tees Valley Airport in northern England and Harraj Mann, 24, was taken off.
The taxi driver had become worried on the way to the airport because Mann had been singing along to The Clash's 1979 anthem "London Calling," which features the lyrics "Now war is declared — and battle come down" while other lines warn of a "meltdown expected."
Mann told British newspapers the taxi had been fitted with a music system which allowed him to plug in his MP3 player and he had been playing The Clash, Procol Harum, Led Zeppelin and the Beatles to the driver.
Had this passenger's name been Frank Smith rather than Harraj Mann...well, it's hardly worth the speculation (Google cache).
"I am 100 per cent British and have lived in Hartlepool for 22 years," said Mr Mann.
"I'm Asian, but I'm the most non-Indian person I know. Sometimes I forget that I look Indian. I do everything that every other Hartlepool person does. I had a bacon sandwich this morning.
"It was very embarrassing and I thought it was preposterous."
Still, it's all probable cause for Britain's finest.
A spokesman for Durham Police said: "Safety is paramount and we respond to concerns from members of the public in the way they would expect us to. In this
case, the report was made with the best of intentions and we would not want to
discourage people from contacting us with genuine concerns."
They're still enjoying politics...sort of
Once again - because it is well worth repeating - we present the quote that keeps on giving:
U.S. Secretary of State Dr. Condoleeza Rice, September 13, 2005:
I think that the most interesting thing to me about Iraq is that politics has broken out in Iraq in a really major way. And the Iraqis seem to enjoy politics.
Ahem.
Kirk Semple, New York Times, April 6, 2006:
A top adviser to Prime Minister Ibrahim al-Jaafari said Wednesday that the visit this week by Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice and Foreign Secretary Jack Straw of Britain had backfired, prolonging a deadlock over a new government and strengthening Mr. Jaafari's resolve to keep his post.
"Pressure from outside is not helping to speed up any solution," said the adviser, Haider al-Abadi. "All it's doing is hardening the position of people who are supporting Jaafari."
He added, "They shouldn't have come to Baghdad."
His comments were echoed by several political leaders on Wednesday, including Kurds and Sunni Arabs.
Such ingratitude. And after all we've done for them.
(Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a weapon and stand a cross-post...)
Help—I need to wipe my ass; is there some celebrity who can show me how?
Buried in an article in The Scotsman about home births in Britain, I found this little gem:
The reluctance to choose a home birth comes despite celebrities doing so, including the TV presenter Davina McCall and Scots model Kirsty Hume. McCall, 38, who has announced she is expecting her third child, described the experience of home birth as "truly amazing".Oh, well, if celebrities are doing it, that’s a whole different story! That means every woman should be doing it, because women are such mindless lemmings that they must follow every celebrity craze, especially when the trail is being blazed by Z-list celebrities whose careers no one gives a flying fuck about, no less their child-bearing methods!
Sometimes, I just stop to ponder what I’d be like if I were actually The Woman the media would have us believe most women to be. Then I get the urge to hit myself in the head with a tack hammer, so I have to move on with my day.
Quite a Joke
Interesting reporting on this:
Hours after an exotic dancer was allegedly raped by members of the Duke University lacrosse team, a player apparently sent an e-mail saying he wanted to invite more strippers to his dorm room, kill them and skin them. It was not clear whether the message was serious or a joke.(The sender’s lawyer has confirmed the email’s authenticity.)
…In the e-mail, addressed "To whom it may concern," the player says he has "decided to have some strippers over" to his dorm room, "however there will be no nudity."
"I plan on killing the bitches as soon as the walk in and proceding [sic] to cut their skin off," the author of the e-mail says, adding in vulgar terms that he would find the act sexually satisfying.
How, pray tell, could that content possibly be construed as “a joke?” I could understand, perhaps, “The intent of the message was not clear,” as in, perhaps he wasn’t being literal, but surely we aren’t so jaded that we can deem such a missive anything but serious, that we could remotely conceive of such filth as a joke. I mean, I’ve got a pretty wicked sense of humor, but I fail to discern a punchline, even though I’ve heard such “jokes” before.
I’ve never been accused of anything but unabashedly wearing my politics on my sleeve, but because I have a filthy mouth, a dirty sense of humor, an aesthetic lack of girliness (as in no make-up, no skirts, and perpetually untidy hair), and a collection of attributes which men and women alike deem “boyish”—namely, a fondness for Star Wars and Lord of the Rings, video game junkitude, the ability to correctly distinguish between DC and Marvel superheroes, and a pathological aversion to shopping—I have often found myself in the position of having been given a “pass” by a group of straight guys. Some women will immediately know what I’m describing—a group of male coworkers, perhaps, who let down their guard in your presence, after one of them, invariably, anoints you a “cool chick,” as if differentiating you from the rest of womankind is some kind of praise. It doesn’t matter whether these guys are conservatives or liberals; they are, however, always the kind of guy who thinks the highest compliment one could give a girl is treating her like a man with tits.
This is always a weird situation, especially since I have never coveted an entrè into such a group, but let a couple of dirty jokes fly in your presence sans objection, and you’ll find yourself being led behind the curtain in no time.
And among this particular kind of guy, it’s pretty damn ugly back there.
Back there is where “jokes” like the one above get told. And if you ever laughed at a blowjob joke, they expect you to laugh at that kind of “joke,” too.
I, of course, being me, tell them that violence against women isn’t funny, and ask them why they think it is.
“Oh, come on,” they say, and that’s when the eye-rolling begins. “It was a joke.”
“How so?” I ask. “What’s funny about it?”
Of course, there’s nothing funny about “jokes” like that, so they do the only thing they can. Attack.
“Dude, I thought you were different. You’re just a feminazi like every other chick. No sense of humor.”
This is where they expect me to get hysterical, to prove their point. And it’s where I say, “Actually, I do have a sense of humor, but I just don’t get this particular joke. Explain it to me. What’s funny about it?”
Evenly. Calmly. And I wait.
“Whatever, dude. Pfft.” And the curtain closes once again.
It’s not always “jokes” about violence against women. Sometimes it’s jokes about gays. Or people of another color, if they’re all white, as I am. And every time, without fail, they look disappointed that I’m not as “cool” as they thought I was, rather than ashamed of themselves, as they should be.
Among certain men, there’s seemingly a whole world of “joking” that comes at the expense of people who aren’t there to defend themselves. I’ve spoken to closeted servicemembers who have had to listen to all kinds of “fag jokes.” I had a neighbor in Chicago who is as white as I am, and blonde and blue-eyed, even though her father is black; she’s spent her entire life listening to racist jokes made in her presence, by people who have no idea that she is half-black. And I know other feminists who “pass,” through no endeavor of their own, and get a glimpse behind that curtain, until they open their mouths to object, at which point they are summarily dismissed as humorless. It’s only that world in which the Duke student’s email could be possibly considered a joke—a world in which the rest of us, the butts of the jokes, don’t live.
Question of the Day
Nobody wants to be president anymore.
What did you want to be when you grew up? I’ve mentioned this before, but, when I was a lispy little thing, I used to say I wanted to be “the world’th foremotht bat exthpert.” I liked bats. Whatever.
Clearly, I still have no idea what I really want to be when I grow up.
DHS about to be probed
And not in a good way.
Homeland Security Committee Chair Rep. Peter King (R-NY) has announced that his committee is launching an "aggressive" probe into DHS's hiring and security-clearance practices that will focus on Doyle but look at the larger problems unveiled by Doyle's computer usage at the agency.The rest of the press release can be read at the link.
Here's an excerpt from the press release. "'Mr. Doyle allegedly used a government-issued computer to provide potentially sensitive information over the internet to a complete stranger,' King said. 'What if the person on the other end had been a member of al-Qa'ida or a similar terrorist organization and used this information to blackmail Mr. Doyle?'"
I guess we’ve finally found the one issue the GOP is willing to investigate. Someone ruder than I might suggest that perhaps it’s just to get a gander at the evidence, since they don’t seem interested in investigating anything else. Someone more vulgar than I might suggest that they’re drooling over the prospect of sordid details of sex crimes, since their pages of their copies of the Starr Report are starting to stick together. Someone more cynical than I might suggest that even this fresh horror would receive scant attention were it not an election year. But not me. I would never say any of those things and would denounce anyone who did as a traitor.
Dodd for Pres?
Sen. Christopher Dodd (D-CT) says he is considering running for president in 2008, according to the Hartford Courant.What do we think of this? Connecticutters? (Connecticutians? Wev.)
Said Dodd: "It's an itch. Could grow. Could disappear. It's an itch."
I don’t know a ton about him, except that he voted yes on prohibiting same-sex marriage a decade ago, a position I hope has changed, and generally seems to fall on the political spectrum somewhere between me and the other idiot Senator from the same state, which, basically, makes him a Democrat.
