NBC: No Britney’s Cruci-fixin`s

Lovely young lady, prim role model, and well-regarded excellent actress Britney Spears will not appear as a conservative Christian cooking segment TV host in an episode of Will & Grace (is that show still on?!) called “Cruci-fixin`s,”, as originally reported in a January press release issued by NBC. You can breathe a sigh of relief, Shakers—she’ll still appear, but not as a conservative Christian.

A Jan. 31 news release from NBC’s public relations department said Spears will appear April 13 as a Christian conservative TV personality who shares hosting duties on a talk show with Jack, played by Sean Hayes.

The Mississippi-based American Family Association was not amused, E! Online reported Saturday. The conservative group responded swiftly, calling for an NBC boycott.

“NBC is clearly mocking the Christian faith,” the group’s founder, Donald Wildmon, posted on the AFA Web site. “They clearly have hostility toward the Christian faith, They absolutely will not treat Jews or Muslims in this manner ...”

NBC responded by saying the initial release contained “erroneous information ... mistakenly included” in the Spears’ announcement.

The episode has not been written yet, NBC said in a statement, and “the reference to ‘Cruci-fixin`s’ will not be in the show and the storyline will not contain a Christian characterization at all.”
Ahh, I see. Just erroneous information. It has nothing to do whatsoever with AFA’s getting their panties in a bunch or claiming NBC was seeking revenge against Christians for tanking “The Book of Daniel” or threatened boycotts or the Tyler, Texas, NBC-affiliate announcing they would refuse to air the episode. No, siree. They just never planned that episode at all; just a big mistake.

If only NBC were half as concerned about their cable news outlet and its host who likes to suggest, without a modicum of evidence, that gays and liberals burned down southern churches.

But hey—who cares about fags and lefties, right? The government certainly doesn’t. Why should a network be any different?

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Actual Headline

Bush budget would increase military spending. I mean, is there seriously anyone left in the country who would consider that news?

The $2.77 trillion budget plan was sent to Congress today and includes a provision that would make permanent the tax cuts passed during Bush’s first term. The cost of the tax cuts will be $1.4 trillion over 10 years. Meanwhile, the budget also provides for cutting in half by 2009 our record-high deficit of $423 billion, so something’s gotta give, and of course it ain’t gonna be those tax cuts. Lucky us—it’s 141 government programs which be will sharply reduced or eliminated entirely.

Almost one-third of the targeted programs are in education including ones that provide money to support the arts, vocational education, parent resource centers and drug-free schools…

Bush is also seeking savings by trimming the growth of spending in Medicare, the government's giant health care program for the elderly and disabled, by $35.9 billion over five years. The reductions, which are certain to face stiff opposition in Congress, would among other things reduce inflation adjustments for hospitals, nursing homes, home health care providers and hospices…

Even programs not targeted for elimination are subject to tight budgets including previously favored agencies such as the National Institutes of Health which would see its spending essentially frozen at this year's level.
But what we lose in education and healthcare, we gain in missile defense systems and whatever other outdated weaponry and bullshit not useful in intelligence and guerilla warfare the military deems necessary to protect us in these desperate times, to the tune of a 6.9% increase in military spending, bringing our defense budget to $439.3 billion, which doesn’t even include the cost of the Afghanistan and Iraq wars. And get this:

[T[he deficit of $354 billion that the administration is projecting for 2007 probably will be higher because the budget at present only contains $50 billion in spending for Iraq, White House Budget Director Joshua Bolten told reporters.
Awesome. The president says his “administration has focused the nation's resources on our highest priority — protecting our citizens and our homeland," but once again, his budget reflects his notion that protecting people with a social safety net isn’t on his radar.

Unless, you know, they’re already rich.

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Ha

Dick Durbin rules. “Pajamaline” doesn’t.

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And people ask why I'm a feminist...

A sigh-heavy statement issued by Jessica at Feministing (who gets the hat tip for this one), a statement with which I can only concur with a sigh of my own.


One might say that SinfulShirts.com has a wide array of shirts for the rapist or pedophile inside every man. But rest assured—they’re only joking. I mean, what are you? Some kind of humorless feminist who can’t take a joke? I bet you’ve got hairy legs and reek of patchouli and hemp, too. You’re just mad because no one wants to fuck you. Come on—“Rape is my favorite hobby” is funny. If you’re not laughing, you’re obviously just uptight. And if you’re a rape victim, well, hell, that’s your problem.







What’s the big deal? They’re just jokes. All of them. Every shirt making fun of rape and pedophilia is a joke. Why can’t you just see the humor? Yeesh.

In 2004, there were 209,880 victims of rape, attempted rape or sexual assaults according to the 2004 National Crime Victimization Survey. Because of the methodology of the National Crime Victimization Survey, these figures do not include victims 12 or younger. The Bureau of Justice's National Incident-Based Reporting System data from law enforcement agencies covering the years 1991 through 1996 showed that 34% percent of all victims of sexual assault reported to the participating law enforcement agencies were under age 12. One of every seven victims of sexual assault reported to the participating law enforcement agencies were under age 6.

Hilarious.

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More opinions on the cartoons…

Slacktivist. Jill at Feministe. Amanda. Rox. LeMew. Leave your links in comments.

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"You saved my son's life seven years ago, and now he's saved yours."

I love this story. A 17-year-old high school student and volunteer fireman performed the Heimlich maneuver on a woman who was choking on her lunch in the dining area of a restaurant in which he works, only to discover it was the nurse who saved his life when he was 11. Penny Brown, an intensive-care nurse at Buffalo General Hospital, had given Stephan CPR after he was accidentally hit in the chest with a baseball bat and went into cardiac arrest.

Initially, [Kevin Stephan] didn't even know the woman he helped on the afternoon of Jan. 27 was the nurse who saved his life on a baseball diamond 61/2 years earlier.

Kevin's mother - who happened to be in the restaurant that afternoon - was the first to realize the link between the two events.

"Oh, my goodness," Lorraine Stephan told [Penny Brown]. "You saved my son's life seven years ago, and now he's saved yours."

…"Wow. I couldn't believe it," said Kevin, now a senior at Lancaster High School. "Everyone I have told is like, "No way.' They're in total disbelief."

…"He's very mature for his age, a quick thinker and quick to act," said fellow firefighter Dan Curtis.

…Not long after the Jan. 27 incident at the restaurant, Kevin called Dan Curtis to thank him for teaching him the right way to perform such life-saving techniques a few years ago.

…While neither Kevin nor Brown sought publicity for their actions, they both wanted to emphasize the need for people to be prepared - to learn CPR, the Heimlich maneuver and other life-saving techniques.
Somewhere, writers are already working on the screenplay, and Zach Braff's agent's phone is ringing.

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Military Matchmaking: “How to Avoid Marrying a Jerk”


More from the You Can’t Make This Stuff Up file: The Pentagon, concerned about the 56,000+ divorces in the army alone since the start of the war in Afghanistan alone, is advertising its chaplain-instructed marriage program, “P.I.C.K. a Partner.” The linked story starts out with the line “They are the Pentagon's new ‘rules of engagement’—the diamond ring kind,” which certainly reads as though the program is newly implemented, but through additional research, I found out it’s being going on for almost decade—which is why it’s probably more honest to say the Pentagon is concerned with the bad press about 56,000+ divorces.

In any case, the public relations piece happily distributed by the AP informs us:

The "no jerks" program is also called "P.I.C.K. a Partner," for Premarital Interpersonal Choices and Knowledge.

It advises the marriage-bound to study a partner's F.A.C.E.S. — family background, attitudes, compatibility, experiences in previous relationships and skills they'd bring to the union.

It teaches the lovestruck to pace themselves with a R.A.M. chart — the Relationship Attachment Model — which basically says don't let your sexual involvement exceed your level of commitment or level of knowledge about the other person.

Maj. John Kegley, a chaplain who teaches the program in Monterey, Calif., throws in the "no jerk salute" for fun. One hand at the heart, two-fingers at the brow mean use your heart and brain when choosing.

Though the acronyms and salute make it sound like something the Pentagon would come up with, the program was created by former minister John Van Epp of Ohio, who has a doctorate in psychology and a private counseling practice. He teaches it to Army chaplains, who in turn teach it to troops.

It also is used by social service agencies, prisons, churches and other civilian groups…

The Army hopes the "no jerks" program will help couples decide if they are ready for a long-term commitment and can cope with the unique stresses of military life.

"Settings like military bases are incubators," said Van Epp, of Medina, Ohio. "They try to hatch ... relationships extremely fast," leading to higher divorce rates and more domestic violence.
Gay soldiers need not apply.

Part of me thinks, “Well, at least this is a real attempt to support the troops in a quantitative way,” yet another part of me is irritated by the whole thing—primarily because refraining from sending our troops into unnecessary wars would be a lot better way to help them maintain their marriages, but also because I dislike the entire concept which frames military spouses who can’t hack it as “jerks.” It sets up a spouse who can’t possibly predict their response to long-term separations and a returning partner who may be fundamentally different than when s/he left as shouldering the blame for a possible breakdown of the marriage from the get-go.

Surely a program which positively encourages—“How to Select a Strong Spouse”—is preferable to the negative connotations of “How to Avoid Marrying a Jerk.” When the inevitable stresses on any marriage present themselves, it’s got to be better to have the underlying sense that you’re dealing with a strong spouse who will find a way to work through the problems with you rather than the worry you might be stuck with a jerk. More than just a difference of semantics, the power of suggestion can last a long time.

On a side note, I can’t help but feel this program is designed for the majority of soldiers, who are male (a notion that the accompanying picture of a female soldier in the program did not help to avoid conjuring), to ensure they’re choosing good girls with an antiquated notion of marriage in which the women remain dutifully subservient to their men no matter what.

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You Know You Want It

And you know you like it. You expect it, bitches:

It is, therefore, inconceivable that the AUMF does not also support the president’s efforts to intercept the communications of our enemies. Any future al Qaeda attacks on the homeland are likely to be carried out, like Sept. 11, by operatives hiding among us. The NSA terrorist surveillance program is a military operation designed to detect them quickly. Efforts to identify the terrorists and their plans expeditiously while ensuring faithful adherence to the Constitution and our existing laws is precisely what America expects from the president.
Um, yeah. That is indeed what we expect. Except that’s not what’s happening, is it? Score another point for the Bush administration for avoiding honest discussion of one of their policies by deliberately mischaracterizing its particulars.

The Heretik has more.

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Because Life is Precious, and God, and the Bible

I really have to stop checking the news before I get my first cup of coffee in my belly. When just the headline is enraging me, I know my caffeine buzz hasn't quite kicked in yet.

Gonzales Answers Tough Questions on Spying

Wrong.

WASHINGTON - The chairman of the Senate Judiciary Committee expressed skepticism Monday about the legality of President Bush's warrantless eavesdropping program and suggested it be reviewed by a special federal court.

Federal law "has a forceful and blanket prohibition against any electronic surveillance without a court order," said Sen. Arlen Specter, R-Pa., as he opened a hearing on National Security Agency eavesdropping within the United States.

While the president claims he has the authority to order such surveillance to protect Americans from terrorist attacks, Specter said, "I am skeptical of that interpretation."

Quick! Mary Ann! Get the smelling salts and bring me over to the fainting couch! I do declare, Specter is expressing skepiticism at something that dribbled from Bush's lips? Mercy me, I may swoon.

Wait a minute, no I won't. Something's fishy here. Look under the rope; there's gotta be a safety net.

(I'd bold parts of this, but really, the entire thing needs to be stressed.)
Monday's hearing into the NSA program got off to a rocky start when Democrats protested that Attorney General Alberto Gonzales should be given a sworn oath before testifying.

Sen. Patrick Leahy of Vermont, the panel's senior Democrat, argued that Gonzales should be sworn in like any other witness. At the very least, Gonzales should be asked if he would volunteer to being sworn in, Leahy said.

"It's not up to him," said Specter, who was upheld by a quick party-line vote by the GOP-led committee.

Gonzales, who was not sworn in, told the committee he would voluntarily take the oath if the committee so desired. Either way, "my answers would be the same whether I was under oath or not," he said.

Ahem.

LIES, LIES, LIES.

This is getting ridiculous. Why in the world are the Bush Administration flunkies somehow exempt from being sworn in like any other witness? The concept of "Tough Questions" simply doesn't exist when a witness has nothing to keep them from lying.

And please don't give me this "gee whiz, I'd be sworn in if you'd let me" idiocy. Your flippant regard for the law spits in the face of every American.

Specter raised the possibility that a special court set up by the 1978 Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act might have to review the wiretapping policy.

Leahy, meanwhile, said that while al-Qaida terrorists should be monitored, Bush chose to illegally wiretap Americans' conversations without safeguards to protect civil liberties.

And somehow, I'm sure, that Gonzales' answers to these "tough questions" will satisfy everyone involved that Bush did nothing wrong.

And the Democrats, true to form, show us all once again why they are the Laughingstock Party:

"My concern is for peaceful Quakers who are being spied upon, and other law-abiding Americans and babies and nuns who are placed on terrorist watch lists," Leahy said.

Why not just say "law-abiding Americans?" "Oh, look, they're going after BABIES. They're going after NUNS. They are BAD, BAD MEN!"

I realize he was referencing actual occurrences, but I'm getting really sick of being treated by a six-year-old by men that speak and govern as if they were five-year-olds.

Update: Tbogg shames my wordy nature with the short 'n sweet version.

More Update: Shorter Gonzales: Sleep. Obey. Consume. Sleep.

(We cross-post tonight for Singapore, we're all as mad as hatters here...)

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A Personal Message from Tom Cruise

I just received a postcard bearing the following image and message:



Melissa—

Forget Colin!

Nevermind Christian!

Katie has lost interest in scientology already, so I’m yours for the asking. All you have to do is promise to read Dianetics and always wear flats.

Yours in Ron,
Tommy-Boy


As tempting as it is to give it all up for a chance to be the world’s most prominent beard, I don’t think I could make it through Dianetics, especially knowing a life of celibacy and turkey basters awaits me on the other side.

Also, the handwriting looks suspiciously familiar. You know, upon consideration, I’m beginning to think this wasn’t actually a personal message from Tom Cruise at all, and is instead a particularly smart-assed friend of mine just being his usual rapscallion self.

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Question of the Day

The Dark Wraith’s got a good post up at Big Brass Blog which is an interesting starting point for discussion, reminiscent of my recent lament that I was hardly considered a radical lefty not so long ago. DW asks:

Is it really—and I mean really—some "Leftist" position to demand a clear, hard, unyielding wall between church and state?

Is it truly some "Leftist" hyperbole to anticipate that a civil society will not prohibit contracts of union between people because of the particulars of their emotional and sexual relationships, relationships I might point out that otherwise comport in every way with the standards recognized and encouraged in such unions?

Is it honestly the exclusive domain of some diffuse and insufferable "Left" to anticipate the state in absolutely the most minimal ways possible directing the choices women make with regard to their internal biological processes?

How did it happen that it is the "Left" that finds reprehensible a conduct of foreign policy that uses systematic, sustained, and ultimately disastrous misrepresentations and miscalculations to take our nation to war?

What exactly is "Leftist" about demanding a law enforcement apparatus that does not have some "right" to use whatever means it can to promote public safety, but rather has the privilege to do so in a professional, disciplined manner where the rights of citizens permanently take precedence over any and all techniques officers of the law could employ?
His main point is this: We often note that the majority of Americans, when presented with questions on the issues not ideologically framed, agree with us on the issues. We, quite literally, represent the majority. Are we centrists who have been redefined by our opposition (and, perhaps, ourselves)?

Read the whole thing. What do you think?

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Not Good: Catholic Priest Shot in Turkey

The name Archduke Ferdinand won’t unstick itself from my head. This isn’t helping.

An Italian Roman Catholic priest was shot dead in his church in the Turkish Black Sea city of Trabzon on Sunday, triggering condemnation from Turkey's government and pledges to track down the killer…

Turkey, like many other Muslim countries, has seen protests in many cities and towns over the past week against cartoons published in several European newspapers depicting the Prophet Mohammad.

Turkish leaders have expressed strong distaste at the cartoons, but have also called for calm and better understanding between different cultures and religious faiths…

Violent attacks on Christian clergy are virtually unheard of in Turkey, which takes pride in its history as a bridge between mainly Christian Europe and the predominantly Muslim Middle East, and which also gave shelter to Jews over many centuries.
Maybe it’s not connected; maybe it is. Nonetheless, I feel uneasy.

Also making me uneasy is the rightwing having seized on this as yet another opportunity to denigrate all of Islam and make more pronouncements which ever so thinly veil their belief that the war on terror is really a holy war. (Malkin is going particularly, if characteristically, haywire.) I remain unimpressed with any demonstrable inability to separate extremist elements from mainstream expressions of a kind, Islamic or otherwise.

That said, I’m also not totally comfortable with one part of Atrios’ quite reasonable reaction:

I'm not too sympathetic with the notion that anything under the cover of religion is automatically entitled to deference. On the other hand, "don't be an asshole" about peoples' religious beliefs when they aren't trying to impose them on you seems to be reasonably good etiquette. The cartoons weren't funny and the visual portrayal of Mohammed was done just to "be an asshole" without any larger point to it. It's like parading around in blackface just for the hell of it. There's no point other than "I'm doing this to see who I can piss off." I certainly defend the right to piss people off, though not always the decision to do so.
Clearly, the highlighted statement is right, but I'm not totally sure I would classify radical Islamists as not trying to impose their religious beliefs. I believe that is, in fact, one of their primary goals, both religious and political, which makes me inclined to feel that commentary on those goals, even in the form of cartoons likely to offend, is fair game, and therefore defensible. (The flipside of that is that I find this response of radical Muslims, including calls to kidnap Danes and "cut them into as many pieces as the number of newspapers that printed the cartoons,” and assertions that this conflagration never would never had erupted “if a 17-year-old death edict against writer Salman Rushdie been carried out” because “then those lowlifers would not have dared discredit the Prophet,” indefensible.) I’m a bit concerned that in our attempts to rebuke the rightwing onslaught to denigrate all of Islam as fundamentally violent, we have begun to minimize the reality that there is indeed a segment of Islam that actively seeks to convert infidels and slaughter those who refuse. It strikes me as dangerously naïve to ignore the ambitions of an extremist Islamic element who, given the first opportunity, would happily impose their religious beliefs on the rest of us, and just because a jihadist hasn’t knocked on one’s door peddling their wares doesn’t make it any less true.

None of that, by the way, changes my feelings one iota about the best ways to combat extremist Islam or fight the war on terror or any associated policies. I’m not suddenly radicalized. I just think it’s a useful distinction to make.

For what it’s worth, I’ve taken on board the colonialist arguments offered on Muslims’ behalf by Gilliard (hat tip to The Green Knight, who excerpts and links here), and I’m not completely sure how it works into my thinking at this point, except to note that I’m not convinced that’s the primary impetus.

Anyway, I've been thinking a whole lot about this, actually, and trying to work through a lot of conflicting feelings about it. I’m thinking aloud, as it were. Feel free to object, or point me in directions I haven’t gone yet.

More from Pam.

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File Under “Duh”

Plame was covert when outed:

Lawyers for Libby, and White House allies, have repeatedly questioned whether Plame, the wife of White House critic Joe Wilson, really had covert status when she was outed to the media in July 2003. But special prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald found that Plame had indeed done "covert work overseas" on counterproliferation matters in the past five years, and the CIA "was making specific efforts to conceal" her identity, according to newly released portions of a judge's opinion.
Required: One fainting couch and a mint julip, stat.

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Discussion Thread: Cartoon Outrage

So, I've only been sort of disconnectedly paying attention to the whole Danish-cartoon-that-insults-Mohammed thing. I saw the headlines, scanned a couple of articles, and basically wevved it.

But now Danish embassies are on fire in Syria and Lebanon? WTF? And the UK and the US are saying that the cartoon was wrong? Double WTF? Shouldn't we, of all people, we freedom-spreaders, we gifters of democracy at the end of a gun, shouldn't we be supporting freedom of speech? I mean, is endorsing such fanatical reactionism (by condemning a cartoon) really a good idea when, ostensibly, that's exactly the kind of bullshit that, you know, facilitates terrorism?

Honestly, people who would react to a depiction of their prophet as violent with, uh, violence, especially when it's a fucking cartoon, are hypocrites, and nuts to boot. The liberal blogosphere doesn't seem to be talking about this very much, but I think we should be.

So, what do you think about all this? Am I wrong? Is there a good reason for US to side with the reactionaries rather than the defenders of free speech? Pipe up.

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RIP Betty Friedan

Author of 1963 feminist manifesto The Feminine Mystique and co-founder of the National Organization for Women (NOW), Betty Friedan has died at age 85.

I could take several hours writing about Friedan, but instead I'll simply say this: My life would have been very different had she not lived hers to uplift all women. Thank you, Betty.

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Serenity Now!

Sorry I've been AWOL all day. Mr. Shakes and I are at my sister Bug's house, hanging out with my gorgeous, scarily clever, and totally hilarious nephew while Bug and Mr. Bug attend a concert. So, between travel time and hanging out with the fam, I haven't had any bloggin' time.

BUT...I had to take just a moment to announce that we watched Serenity, which you have all been encouraging me to see forever and a day. They own it, so we watched it with Little Bug tonight, and OMG, it was so amazingly good. I loved loved loved it, just as I expected I would, since you all recommended it.

So thank you for the recommendation and for continually reminding me that I'd adore it. You were all absolutely right!

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Question of the Day

Provided by Mr. Shakes, who does not believe that Bill O'Reilly is cognitively impaired, but instead thinks he suffers from Ron Burgundy syndrome, simply reading off the teleprompter whatever is placed before his beady, little eyes:

"Given the opportunity to tamper with Bill O'Reilly's teleprompter, and provided that I am correct and my wife is insane, what would you make him say?"

Mr. Shakes: It was me on the grassy knoll.

Shakes: I quit. Oh, and by the way, I renounce everything I've ever said, all of which was totally and utterly wrong. And also, I totally am a kinky loofah perv.

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Newsflash

Abstinence isn’t 100% effective…because there’s this thing called rape, and its perpetrators don’t really give a rat’s ass whether you’re celibate or not.

Pseudo-Adrienne breaks it down for Laura Bush.

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An Open Letter to Wedge-Issue Wingnuts

Dear Homobigots,

This is the result of your heartless, irrational, and sustained attacks on the gay community. You are not turning gay people straight. You are not lowering the nation’s tolerance for gays. You are not derailing the inevitable—no matter how long it takes—legalization of gay marriage to assure equality for everyone. All you’re doing is inflaming hatred, and although that might seem like a useful political tool, people are getting hurt and killed as a result. Knock it the fuck off.

Love,
Shakespeare’s Sister

cc. President Bush, Head Homobigot

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Family Fun: Disaster Readiness!

What could be more fun than parents and kids getting together to think about emergency planning?

The Homeland Security Department on Thursday introduced a new emergency-preparedness campaign to teach 8-to-12-year-olds how to prepare for a terrorist attack, natural disaster or other emergency…

The kid-friendly program features an adventurous mountain lion mascot named Rex, a website (www.ready.gov) and classroom teaching materials being sent to 135,000 middle school teachers in the nation's 25 largest metropolitan areas…

The latest campaign takes a lighter approach, offering games and puzzles on the Ready website. The site also offers instructions on how families should prepare for emergencies and lists item they should keep in stock, including a three-day supply of non-perishable food, a battery-operated radio and duct tape.

"You and your family can collect items for your emergency-supply kit during a family scavenger hunt!" the site says.
You can’t make this stuff up. Just reading the article brings back fond memories of kneeling on the cold linoleum of my elementary school hallway during tornado drills, or crouching under my desk during air raid drills, while questions about how a half-inch of pressed wood chips was going to protect me from a nuclear bomb danced in my head. It probably would have been more fun with a guy like Rex the Mountain Lion dad, though.






Boy, he looks familiar.

I think a friend of mine might have hooked up with him at Gay Pride a couple of years ago.

Rrrrrrrow.

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