Shakesville

You! Get Back in That Hot Water!

Looks like someone just switched off the light at the end of the tunnel for Tom "I didn't do it" DeLay.

Texas Court Won't Dismiss DeLay Charges

AUSTIN, Texas - The state's highest criminal court on Monday denied Rep. Tom DeLay's request that the money laundering charges against him be dismissed or sent back to a lower court for an immediate trial.

The Texas Court of Criminal Appeals denied the requests with no written order two days after he announced he was stepping down as House majority leader. DeLay had been forced to temporarily relinquish the Republican leadership post after he was indicted on money laundering and conspiracy charges in September.

DeLay, who denies wrongdoing, had been trying to rush to trial in Texas in hopes of clearing his name and regaining the position.

Simply stepping down isn't going to save your ass this time, Tommy-boy. It's about time that these criminals were held accountable for breaking the law and fucking over the American people. Now let's see some punishment.

Every time I read one of these articles, I hope and pray to see the words "plea bargain," because then you know he's screwed.

The trial court judge in December dismissed a conspiracy charge against DeLay but refused to throw out more serious allegations of money laundering. Prosecutors appealed that decision, and the judge decided not to proceed with the case until the appeal is resolved. It is still being considered by the 3rd Court of Appeals.

Prosecutors allege DeLay and two co-conspirators funneled $190,000 in corporate contributions through the Texas political committee and an arm of the National Republican Committee to seven GOP state legislative candidates.

Nothing would make me happier than to see this arrogant sonofabitch frogmarched all the way to his jail cell.

(You don't cross-post me, I'm not one of your many toys..)

Buggin'

DeLay’s stretching his newfound comedy legs, and giving some new material a workout:

DELAY: And because of that rule, the Democrats used this runaway District Attorney here in Austin, Texas to abuse that rule. Eight grand juries indicted me, and the only reason to indict me is to get me to step aside.

(BREAK)

ANCHOR: You said just a moment ago you suspect that this was the real reason you were indicted because the Democrats wanted you out of the role of Majority Leader.

DELAY: It’s the only reason, Brian.

What a crack-up! (Think Progress has the video.)

Women Are So Silly

This kind of bullshit makes me nuts:

The majority of women would prefer to be slimmer than have a higher IQ, instant wealth or a date with the celebrity of their dreams.

Nineteen out of 20 of the female population say that they place a higher priority on having a smaller waist than on their intelligence.

From a wish list that included never having money worries again, dating the A-list star of their choice or a genius-level IQ score, 51 per cent of women still plumped for a slimmer figure, according to a survey for the website tescodiets.com.

Did you get that? A survey for the website TescoDiets.com, a joint online project between eDiets and Tesco, which is like the Wal-Mart of Britain. Was it a scientific survey funded by the website, or just some questionnaire that women who visited the website filled out? We have no idea, because the article doesn’t say. If it was the latter, which I seriously suspect considering that one of the options was “dating an A-list star,” then it’s not totally surprising that women visiting an online diet site were more concerned about their waistlines than anything else, is it?

Nonetheless, the article extrapolates from the results of the survey that “the majority of women” value slimness—not health, of course—over intelligence and financial security. (And I don’t want to forget dating the A-list star of their choice—an important consideration in every woman’s life.)

I’m not sure what irritates me more about this—that a newspaper misrepresented crap science (at best) as indicative of trends in the population at large, or that doing so seems to lack any useful purpose aside from casting women as vain idiots.

Recently, after a great post of Lauren’s, followed by The Happy Feminist, LeMew wrote a post on why he is a feminist, and was followed by his fellow LG&M contributor DJW. Articles like this piece of dreck are why I’m a feminist—because they’re continuously issued out there into the ether as if they’re saying something real. People read these articles uncritically, or just glance at the headline (“Most women would rather have a small waist than a big brain”) and another frustratingly destructive perception about women is carelessly reinforced. And, yes, it’s a problem because men who assume that women are intellectually inferior can chalk up another mark against us, but it has even further consequences among women. Women who do place a greater emphasis on beauty than brains have their skewed priorities justified, while women who struggle with their identities take another blow. And women who learn to hate other women because of the constant drumbeat of vapidity assigned to the female population have yet further reason to define themselves outwith feminine parameters. I’m a tomboy; all my friends are male; I don’t like girly things.

Part of the feminist paradigm has to be reclaiming the definition of what is “girly” (and womanly), and removing the inevitably pejorative connotations. Why is a pink frilly dress girly but video games aren’t? I know a lot more women who play video games than wear pink frilly dresses. But strong women with good minds are compelled to distance themselves from the feminine because of articles like the one referenced above, and their insistence on construing femininity with silliness and illogic.

Personally, I love my big brain and my big ass. I’m just pissed that has to be a revolutionary statement.

Streaming Scalito

If you have the opportunity, you can watch the Senate hearings streaming from C-SPAN here. Ted Kennedy's giving a statement right now, and he doesn't sound too happy.

Year of the Snow Penis

Residents of a small Croatian town called police after waking up to find a 17-foot snow sculpture of a penis in the main square… Student Nenad Rizvic, 21, who admitted to building the 'statue' with a group of friends, said: “We just wanted to make a slightly different kind of snowman.” (Link.)

Unlike police in New York, who decided to smash a snow penis to the ground with shovels, “police in the town of Karlovac who responded to the call saw the funny side and decided to let the ice willy melt naturally.”

I just love that, around the world, people’s first response to seeing a snow penis is calling the cops.

I’m Going to Jail—and You’re All Coming With Me!

“Whoever...utilizes any device or software that can be used to originate telecommunications or other types of communications that are transmitted, in whole or in part, by the Internet... without disclosing his identity and with intent to annoy, abuse, threaten, or harass any person...who receives the communications...shall be fined under title 18 or imprisoned not more than two years, or both.”

The above was just signed into law by President Bush. It’s part of the reauthorization of the Violence Against Women Act, written in as a revision of the existing telephone harassment law under the heading “Preventing Cyberstalking.”

An earlier version that the House approved in September had radically different wording. It was reasonable by comparison, and criminalized only using an "interactive computer service" to cause someone "substantial emotional harm."

That kind of prohibition might make sense. But why should merely annoying someone be illegal?

…Our esteemed politicians can't seem to grasp this simple point, but the First Amendment protects our right to write something that annoys someone else.

It even shields our right to do it anonymously.

What strikes me about this is that it seems designed to protect public figures more than the average people the Violence Against Women Act is designed to protect—people whose harassers are often known to them and make no attempt to hide their identities, thereby making this law inapplicable. I’m also struck by the word “annoy,” which is so subjective as to render the statute either completely useless or wide open for abuse. What’s to stop the RNC from going after every liberal blogger who prefers to remain anonymous, claiming annoyance? Ridiculous. I trust this will be promptly challenged.

We Can Rebuild Him... We Have the Technology...

I just found it rather amusing that the AP felt it necessary to post a checklist of Dick Cheney's grabbers. Highlights:

A summary of Vice President Dick Cheney's medical problems:

_1978: Cheney's first heart attack, at age 37.

_1984: His second heart attack.

_1988: After suffering his third heart attack, Cheney had quadruple bypass surgery in August to clear clogged arteries.

_2000: Cheney suffered what doctors called a "very slight" heart attack, his fourth, and underwent an angioplasty to open a clogged artery.

_March 5, 2001: Just over 100 days later, Cheney felt chest pains and underwent another angioplasty to reopen the same artery.

No wonder Cheney is so incredibly cruel and nasty. This guy's spat in death's face so many times, I'm sure the fear of roasting in Hell has completely left him.

Bonus amusement: The photo accompanying the article.

Oh, this is the biggest one I've ever had! I'm comin', Elizabeth!

(You gotta wash your cross-post. [gee, will anyone get that reference?])

Ouch

I think Republicans need to stay away from bikes, of all kinds.

(P.S. It's only funny because he's okay.)

Question of the Day

Stolen from Amanda (Molly Shannon), who stole it from Lauren (Jodie Foster), who stole it from Clancy (Hayley Mills). Is there any celebrity whom you are often told you resemble?

I have one of those faces that never looks the same twice in photos, and people always swear I look like people I honestly cannot imagine how they think I resemble. The two I get most often are Dawn French and, weirdly, Björk. Both suggestions are more flattering than my ugly mug deserves, but in my opinion, I do look like Dawn French and nothing like Björk—although, admittedly, I do seem rather more like an impish Icelander in my goose gown. In any case, you can judge for yourself:

Dawn French and Shakespeare’s Sister

Björk and Shakespeare’s Sister

In both cases, I just found existing recent pictures of myself that were posed similarly to pictures I found of my alleged doppelgangers. Anyhow, how about you? Who are you told you look like?

UPDATE: Mr. Shakes has given me permission to post his most oft-cited resemblance.

David Morse and Mr. Shakes

Mr. President, Your Blue Blood Is Showing

Bush may be the president a thin majority of Americans would most like to have a beer with, but he doesn’t want to have a beer with them. Time reports he and his closest cronies have never been especially fond of Tom DeLay’s, uh, earthiness: “He may have had an unmatched grip on the House and Washington lobbyists, but DeLay is not the kind of guy—in background and temperament—the President feels comfortable with. Of the former exterminator, a Republican close to the President's inner circle says, ‘They have always seen him as beneath them, more blue collar. He's seen as a useful servant, not someone you would want to vacation with.’”

And DeLay vacationed in style. I suspect slugging beers belly-up to a bar in Branson wouldn’t particularly appeal to the Pres, though that’s—inexplicably—his reputation.

Also: The same article notes that the administration is currently aflutter trying to erase Bush’s history with Abramoff: “Bracing for the worst, Administration officials obtained from the Secret Service a list of all the times Abramoff entered the White House complex, and they scrambled to determine the reason for each visit. Bush aides are also trying to identify all the photos that may exist of the two men together. Abramoff attended Hanukkah and holiday events at the White House, according to an aide who has seen the list.” Uh-oh. What gets out the stink of corruption from starched white collars?

“Unfortunately, Mr. Chairman, we’ve got to leave it right there.”

Unfortunately for whom? Wolf Blitzer seems slightly miffed and totally discombobulated by Howard Dean’s refusal to let him cast Democrats in with the Abramoff lot.

(Passed on by Shaker Angelos, via Atrios; video link from CanOFun.)

The Land of Make Believe

Britain’s Prince William is beginning his military training at Sandhurst Academy.

William, 23, the eldest son of Prince Charles and the late Princess Diana, becomes one of the 270 recruits taking the 44-week course. Charles traveled to the academy to accompany William on his first day.

The future king was required to bring his own ironing board as well as heavy black military boots…

William, who graduated from Scotland's St. Andrews University in June, will be the most senior royal in recent memory to attend the academy — opting for the army rather than the navy.

Charles trained to be a pilot with the Royal Air Force as well as serving in the Navy.

William follows his younger brother, Prince Harry, who enrolled at the academy in May.

Just the other day, Mr. Shakes and I were talking about the British Royal Family, of whom, being a Scotsman, he’s no great fan in a historical sense. But he has a deep respect for the modern Windsors, who carry on the admirable aristocratic tradition of serving their country—in the military and other ways—in exchange for the privilege the country affords them. Princes William and Harry have the same chance of serving in Iraq as do any other officers; their uncle, Prince Andrew, served in the Falklands War. When the British government wanted to relocate him to a desk job from the HMS Invincible, one of only two operational aircraft carriers available to the Royal Navy, it was the Queen herself who insisted that Prince Andrew be allowed to remain with his ship. After the war, the Queen and Prince Philip joined other families of the other crew to welcome the vessel home, just a mother and father like any other, glad their son was safe. During WWII, that same mother and father refused to leave their London home when London was bombed, standing in solidarity with the people who had no option but to stay.

We don’t have an aristocracy in America in the same sense as does Britain, but that isn’t to say we don’t have one at all. George Bush, in spite of his brush-clearin’ good-ol’-boy routine, is nothing if not an aristocrat—born to wealth and power, schooled in the best private instutitions, rising to prominence not on his merit, but his name. And like many American artisocrats, Bush used his privilege, while denying its existence at every turn, to avoid serving his country, until he could do so as a leader, at which time he shed any pretense of serving the country, instead serving the agenda of other aristocrats.

He is, however, of the new American aristocracy. There are still aristocrats in America who follow the British tradition, men born to privilege, wealth, private schools, and limitless opportunity who repay this debt of inherited fortune by serving their country. Men who graduate from an Ivy League School and enlist in the military. Men who go to war and come home to serve again, as prosectors and Congressmen and Senators. Our last two Democratic presidential candidates were men like this.

Men like this don’t mask their privilege, nor do they flaunt it. It simply is. But in our typical American way, pretending as we love to do that there is no aristocracy in America and hating the merest whiff of blue blood, we reject patricians and disdain their privilege, particualarly when they have never sought to use it to their own advantage.

It’s a peculiar tendency, this, to hold in contempt a person who has no personal need to care about the trials and troubles of others and yet does so nonetheless, who recognizes his or her fortune as a fate as random as that of someone who struggles. It’s an odd inclination to prefer the charade of Bush’s self-made man to Gore’s nobility (in both its senses), considering it is the former who would most eagerly see the perpetuation of the divide we revile in the moments we are honest enough to admit it exists in the first place.

Someday, barring a tragedy, Prince William will become a king, and the people of Britain will remember that he served his country, and even many of those who would see the monarchy wholly dismantled, and their fortunes turned over to the people of Britain, will respect him for his service. They don’t have the option of pretending that their aristocracy is anything but what it is. Some would say that’s a burden; I think it’s a gift. Our insistence on make believe has imagined us right into a new Gilded Age.

Pathetic

A suburban Salt Lake City movie theater has decided not to show Brokeback Mountain.

A movie theater owned by Utah Jazz owner Larry Miller abruptly changed its screening plans and decided not to show the film "Brokeback Mountain." The film, an R-rated Western gay romance story, was supposed to open Friday at the Megaplex at Jordan Commons in Sandy, a suburb of Salt Lake City. Instead it was pulled from the schedule.

A message posted at the ticket window read: "There has been a change in booking and we will not be showing 'Brokeback Mountain.' We apologize for any inconvenience."

Cal Gunderson, manager of the Jordan Commons Megaplex, declined to comment…

The movie's distributor, Focus Features, said that hours before opening, the theater management "reneged on their licensing agreement," and refused to open the film.

Gayle Ruzicka, president of the conservative Utah Eagle Forum, said not showing the film set an example for the people of Utah.

"I just think (pulling the show) tells the young people especially that maybe there is something wrong with this show," she said.

I think Ms. Ruzicka is right—young people will get the message that there’s “something wrong” with Brokeback Mountain. And they’ll wonder, in the way that young people do, what the fuss is all about. And they’ll go see Brokeback Mountain at the Century 16 Salt Lake, where it’s showing at 12:55, 4:00, 7:00, and 10:00. Or at the Broadway Centre Cinemas, where it’s showing at 12:30, 1:45, 3:30, 4:30, 7:00, 7:15, 9:45, and 10:00. And they’ll find out that there is, in fact, nothing wrong with Brokeback Mountain; maybe they’ll even have the same experience as the commenter at IMDb, who noted: “I felt compelled to write this comment because I'm overwhelmed. It has changed my perception, I must confess, about certain aspect of same sex love because I didn't think of same sex when I was watching it, I saw two human beings (amazing performances by both actors)I have the feeling ‘Brokeback Mountain’ will make history, deservedly so.”

And just maybe they’ll come away from the film of the opinion that there’s something wrong instead with people who refuse to show it.

[Tart’s review; Shakes’ review.]

Majority Agrees: Snooping Needs Warrant

What a shocker. The majority of Americans who participated in a new poll say that the Bush administration should get a court-ordered warrant before eavesdropping on people inside the United States, “even if those calls might involve suspected terrorists.”

56 percent of respondents in an AP-Ipsos poll said the government should be required to first get a court warrant to eavesdrop on the overseas calls and e-mails of U.S. citizens when those communications are believed to be tied to terrorism.

Why, Mr. President—that’s an even bigger mandate than you got, sir.

Shop Assistant Found Naked with Mannequin

A Turkish shop assistant was arrested after he was found lying naked with a mannequin in a store window.

The 30-year-old man was discovered by colleagues opening up the department store in Antalya for the day.

They called police after noticing bite marks on the mannequin. Two other mannequins that showed signs of abuse were also taken in as evidence.

The shop assistant allegedly hid in the toilets while the store was being locked up for the night.

The man has been charged with damaging property.

Kim Cattrall was not
available for comment.

A Tale of Two Headlines

From the first story:

In his weekly radio address, Bush said the tax cuts had helped create jobs, and he urged lawmakers in Congress to renew the cuts.

"To keep our economy growing, we need to ensure that you keep more of what you earn, and Congress needs to make the tax cuts permanent," he said.

From the second story:

A secret Pentagon study reportedly found that as many as 80 percent of Marines killed in Iraq from wounds to the upper body could have survived if they had had extra body armor.

"Such armor has been available since 2003, but until recently the Pentagon has largely declined to supply it to troops despite calls from the field for additional protection," The New York Times reported citing unnamed military officials...

"Additional forensic studies by the Armed Forces Medical Examiner's unit that were obtained by The Times indicate that about 340 American troops have died solely from torso wounds," the report added.

You do the math.

The Price of Stalking? $110

Soon after Mr. Shakes moved to the States, he went out for a long walk. When he came home, he told me he had gone to K-Mart, and that he now knew the price of murder: $302. Two dollars for a hunting permit and three hundred for a rifle. To someone who’d never even seen a gun, no less an entire department for them at the local department store, it was a rather strange discovery.

I had the same reaction when I read this piece by John at AMERICAblog, about websites which, in exchange for $110 will provide a list of every single incoming and outgoing phone call for an entire month for any phone number. John offers a comprehensive list of reasons why this is problematic (Are you an FBI agent with confidential sources? Are you a police officer with confidential sources? etc.), but the most worrying possibility to me is that someone hiding out from a violent stalker—whether an estranged spouse, former girl/boyfriend, or random nutcase—could be so easily (and cheaply) found. The phone numbers of FBI agents, police officers, journalists, elected officials, et al are not so easily come by, which I think makes this a much greater risk to average people, who have a much more difficult time keeping their numbers private.

According to the Chicago Sun-Times, dozens of websites offer this service, and the FBI, the Electronic Privacy Information Center, the Federal Communications Commission, and the Federal Trade Commission have known about this since at least July, but the companies continue to operate without consequence. Senator Chuck Schumer (D-NY) has called for legislation to criminalize the "stealing and selling" of cell phone logs and urged the Federal Trade Commission to set up a unit to stop it, but nothing’s been done there, either. I suspect it’s not much concern to people who know that their personal numbers aren’t easily located.

With women disproportionately representing the victims of domestic abuse and stalking, this issue clearly should have been addressed at minimum as part of the recently reauthorized Violence Against Women Act. Obviously, I’m concerned about the other potential abuses, but on behalf of the people who, by virtue of their ordinariness, are inimitably more vulnerable, we need to nip this in the bud ASAP.

Do I Detect a Pattern?

A report by the nonpartisan Congressional Research Service says that the wiretapping done under Bush’s domestic spying program may have been illegal, that his justification under executive power was “not well grounded in law,” and that “it appears unlikely that a court would hold that Congress has expressly or impliedly authorized the NSA electronic surveillance operations.”

Ultimately, however, the report said it was impossible to determine the legality of the taps without access to classified information surrounding the decision.

“Whether an NSA activity is permissible under the Fourth Amendment and the statutory scheme outlined above is impossible to determine without an understanding of the specific facts involved and the nature of the President’s authorization, which are for the most part classified,” it concluded.

This conclusion sounds very much like Fitzy’s explanation of why Scooter Libby was charged with obstruction rather than with any breach of specific federal law. The administration allegedly breaks the law, and then, through a combination of spin, dogged obfuscation, and claims ranging from executive privilege to an inability to declassify without risking national security, no investigatory body can actually get to the bottom of what really happened.

Quite a stunning little turn of irony for the man whose entire presidency (at least since September 11, 2001) has been based on “smokin’ out the evildoers” engaged in criminal activity including difficult-to-detect plots.

DeLay Embraces Reality

Sort of. He has abandoned his bid to remain House Majority Leader, which will allow the GOP to elect new leadership (plus one point). But he maintains that he has always acted ethically (minus one point) and alludes to his legal troubles being motivated by partisanism (minus one point).

In a letter to rank-and-file Republicans, DeLay said, "During my time in Congress, I have always acted in an ethical manner within the rules of our body and the laws of our land. I am fully confident time will bear this out." At the same time, "I cannot allow our adversaries to divide and distract our attention," the Texas Republican wrote.

So he’s clearly still a bit loopy. Or he’s testing the waters to see if he’s got a future as a stand-up comedian

(Crossposted at Ezra's place.)

Meme of 5.5

Twice recently, I’ve been tagged with memes I’ve already done—KQ tagged me with the seven times seven meme and Catherine tagged me with the meme of fours—but I hate getting tagged and doing nothing, so I’m going to split the difference and do a Meme of 5.5…five and a half random facts about Shakespeare’s Sister. The last half will be left for you to fill in your own completely fabricated fact about Shakes. Here we go.

1. I have only one sister, who I call Bug and who calls me Bee, because my first name means honey bee in Greek. She has a great tattoo of a honey bee on her arm for me.

2. I’ve attended every Morrissey show in Chicago since 1991.

3. My great-grandfather was a Vaudevillian. He was a contortionist, and I have wonderful pictures of his playbills; some day I’ll get around to scanning them in and posting them, because they’re very cool.

4. Added together, my four initials equal 2,100 in Roman Numerals.

5. I’ve been in all but 6 states—Alaska, Hawaii, Texas, New Mexico, Oregon, and Washington.

5.5. The strangest place I’ve ever been is…