Pam on skin, the color of money, and the importance of talking about race. It’s really great. Go check it out.
Another Republican Pedophile…
…to add to the list. This one’s from Texas:
A Denton County constable drove to a Colorado restaurant on Thursday and called a woman he met through the Internet to let her know he had arrived, according to court papers.High level of visibility? Check. Serving the citizens in a professional manner? Well, if you count being a professional pervert, check.
Instead of Marsha showing up with her 8-year-old daughter for a sexual encounter, he met her colleagues – Cañon City, Colo., police officers.
Larry Dale Floyd, a 62-year-old constable from The Colony, was arrested on suspicion of soliciting to have sex with a child and was charged with seven related crimes, Cañon City police said.
[…]
Charges against Mr. Floyd include conspiracy and criminal intent to commit sexual assault on a child, pandering of a child, inducement of child prostitution, trafficking in children, criminal solicitation, solicitation for child prostitution and enticement of a child.
[…]
In one phone conversation, Rick asked whether Marsha knew any other children. Marsha replied that she had a friend with a 16-month-old boy and 3-year-old girl.
"He wanted us to be able to have my friend's two children for the weekend so we could be sexually active with them also," the officer wrote in the probable cause statement.
[…]
Mr. Floyd has been a Denton County constable since 1993. A Republican, Mr. Floyd was unopposed in his most recent re-election in November.
"My promise to the people was to have a high level of visibility and to serve the citizens in a professional manner," Mr. Floyd wrote on the Web site for his Constable's Office.
What the hell is it with these people? And exactly how much of this crap am I going to have to read while simultaneously being lectured by the GOP about how they’re the party of moral values? Get real, you bullshit artists. Your party is full of men who use your cloak of alleged virtue to hide their depraved proclivities, and until you can purge your ranks of this inordinate number of elected perverts and quit peddling your godliness under the guise of hatred, I don’t want to hear anything more about how you’re so superior to the rest of us mere mortals, whose greatest transgression is simply not worshipping your hypocrite king.
(Hat tip Atrios.)
My Grandfather's Granddaughter
My granddad was an extremely funny man.
He died when I was only nine; far too soon, stolen from me quite suddenly before I ever got to know him as a grown-up, which is one of the saddest facts of my life. But my memories of him are quite vivid, and when I mentioned to my mother tonight that after telling someone a bit about him, my correspondent had noted, “Now I see that what you are is your grandfather's granddaughter,” my mother nodded with wide-eyed mock exasperation: “Oh, yes.”
He was NYPD, a detective, but he never looked like a cop. Nearly always sporting a goatee in his later years (and known at the precinct as “The Fuzz with the fuzz” for it), he also favored black turtlenecks, ever looking more likely to recite Ginsberg than arrest a perp. In fact, I never saw his gun, not once. It was out of the holster and into a locked drawer in his dresser the moment he walked in the door, and we were allowed nowhere near that dresser. Guns were serious business, and when he was home, he was anything but serious.
His father, my great-grandfather, had been a Vaudevillian—a contortionist acrobat clown, to be precise—and my granddad was the star of his own mobile stage. He always had a joke for every occasion; in his wallet, he carried a tiny notebook full of punch lines, for which he could remember every set-up—hundreds of jokes ready to go at a moment’s notice. My mom is fond of telling the story of how, on the plane home from a visit with my grandparents in NYC when I was 18 months old, I was already repeating the punch line of a joke I’d heard my granddad tell. She was convinced her child was a genius. Nah—just a sucker for a good joke, even then.
My granddad was also the most captivating raconteur I’ve ever met in my life, asked to tell the same stories over and over, by both adults and children alike; one of my favorite series of pictures that my compulsive shutterbug of a mother ever took was of me, on Christmas Eve at age six, dressed in green footie pajamas, sitting on the floor with my granddad, who was telling me the story of Noah and the Ark. It was hours long, or certainly seemed like it, and his descriptions of Noah’s furious but futile attempts to keep the ark free of poop produced by his thousands of animal passengers had me in such fits of laughter; in picture after picture, my head is thrown back, giggling uncontrollably, or raptly staring at him, hanging on his every word, a giant grin of anticipation on my little face.
He was wickedly clever, but would do just about anything for a laugh, no matter how asinine. Each day, he went on long walks through the city, and he loved buying complete bullshit, as long as it was a bargain. He once bought a pair of size 18 sneakers because they were only $2, so long on his feet that he had to walk up the stairs sideways when he came home. When my grandmother saw him, she burst into gales of laughter. He took them off and dumped them in the trash, commenting, “That was worth two bucks.”
His favorite purchases, however, were rubber insects, gelatinous globby creatures of various shapes and sizes, and facial prosthetics—the uglier the better. Sometimes he would come in the door sporting not just a fake nose, but a fake lizard dripping down his head, too.
You wouldn’t know it from that picture, but he was actually quite a handsome fellow.
Eager to be in on his gags, I would join him in pretending to be asleep when we heard my mom or nana coming, only to jump up to startle them—and good sports that they were, they always acted surprised. We’d watch TV in their living room with small rubber monkeys hanging from our noses, until my nana noticed and laughed, or I’d spend hours with him trying to teach me to wiggle my ears, like he could. I never managed it, but I can raise both eyebrows independently of each other, which he could never do.
I remember that he was a great cook, especially his Italian sausages (in spite of his decidedly not Italian lineage), that he looked after thousands of guppies kept in huge tanks in the cellar, that he collected stamps, that he always stuck gift bows to his forehead every Christmas, and that called me Lisser. And I remember walks with him through the city, during which he would hop over parking meters in a single bound.
His long walks through the city he loved, and made me love as I came to associate its wonder and beauty and madness and fun with the sidewalk strolls spent with my tiny hand in his, were, in the end, what killed him. He never learned how to drive, as there was no need, and skipped the bus or the subway whenever he could. The 20 block walk to the doctor got his heart pumping, and left undiagnosed the dangerously low blood pressure which led to his fatal stroke at age 63.
I didn’t attend his funeral—I was too young, it was decided. But I’ve been told that, laid in his casket, he had a smile playing at the edges of his mouth, and everyone expected him to sit up at any moment and announce it had all been a gag.
I miss him still, so desperately, and I wish more than anything that I could know him now. Even though I’m sure he was a flawed man, he is perfect in my memory—a circumstance I’d happily exchange if it had meant more time to know him. I wish I had just one more walk with him. It would be nice to find out what he thought of how I turned out, and whether I could make him laugh.
Hilarious!
I've only now just stopped laughing at Steve, Don't Eat It!, and now I'm in fits of giggles over this, the link to which was sent to me by Charlie at Shades of Grey. Thanks, Charlie!
- - - -
ALTHOUGH
I LIKE A GOOD
GEORGE W. BUSH JOKE
AS MUCH AS THE NEXT
GUY, SOME OF THEM
SEEM GRATUITOUS AND
MEAN-SPIRITED.
BY MATT ALEXANDER
- - - -
Q: How many telemarketers does
it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Wouldn't a more relevant
question be "How many pounds
of cocaine has Bush snorted?"
- - - -
A doctor, a lawyer, and an accountant
all die and go to heaven on the same
day. When they get to the Pearly Gates,
they are greeted by St. Peter.
St. Peter says, "Scott McClellan is a
lying sack of shit and I'd tell him
so myself if he weren't going straight
to hell when he dies."
- - - -
Q: What do you get when you
cross an elephant and a rhino?
A: I'm not sure, but if the answer
is "A cure for Parkinson's disease,"
then Bush will try to stop scientists
from breeding them. Because he
likes it when people get Parkinson's.
- - - -
This guy walks into a bar carrying
a small poodle in one hand and a
bowling ball in the other. The guy
says, "I'd like a glass of milk for me
and a whiskey for my poodle." The
bartender says, "Yeah? Well, I'd like
an impartial and independent
judiciary, but try telling that to Bush,
Frist, and the rest of the GOP!"
- - - -
Q: What do you get when you
cross a giraffe and a monkey?
A: I'm sorry, I can't think about
that right now because I'm too
busy wondering why Congress
hasn't launched an official
investigation into Bush lying to
the American public about WMDs
and leading us into a war under
false pretenses. Tell you what—as
soon as I solve that little riddle,
I'll get to work on your little
genetic experiment.
- - - -
Q: How many eggs does it
take to make a good omelet?
A: Three. By the way, Tom DeLay
is a hypocrite of the highest order.
- - - -
Did you hear that Bill Clinton hired
a new intern? It turns out that
his old intern had to go home and
spend time with her family after her
brother was killed in Iraq.
- - - -
Q: How many golf players does
it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: The answer may be locked away
in the minutes of Cheney's secret
energy meetings. However, conventional
wisdom says that the meetings were
probably about finding a Cabinet-level
position for a pre-scandal Ken Lay or
about doing business with the Taliban.
- - - -
Knock-knock.
Who's there?
Under the Patriot Act,
we don't have to tell you that.
The Get to Know Your Blogmistress Quiz
Okay, so I started this because I thought it would be a fun new meme, but it was actually a lot of work. So I’m not going to tag anyone (especially not John Howard, who would probably stab me with a sword, because Floridians are crazy like that), but if anyone ends up doing a quiz, please trackback to this post (or email me, if you don’t do trackback) so I can check it out.
------------------------------------------
Ten multiple choice questions, each with four possible answers. Three of them are true; you pick out the one that is false. Whoever wins gets the ultimate prize: Bragging Rights.
Off we go…
1. Which of the following bands has Shakespeare’s Sister never seen in concert?
A. The Smiths
B. The Cure
C. New Kids on the Block
D. Siouxsie and the Banshees
2. Which of the following is not a food that Shakespeare’s Sister refuses to eat?
A. Hotdogs
B. Eggs
C. Cabbage
D. Peeps
3. Which of the following movies has Shakespeare’s Sister never seen?
A. Taxi Driver
B. Mean Streets
C. Chinatown
D. Raging Bull
4. Which of the following is not something Shakespeare’s Sister said to a former fat fuck Republican coworker?
A. If you ever read my email again, I’ll kill you.
B. Your wife must be clinically insane.
C. Get your enormous head out of my sight.
D. You reek of booze.
5. Which of the following has Shakespeare’s Sister never done while drunk?
A. Called Britain on a friend’s regular landline and had a very expensive two-hour conversation.
B. Fell asleep in a friend’s bathroom with her bare foot against a radiator and woke up with second-degree burns on her sole.
C. Spent the entirety of her paycheck on pizzas, booze, and cigars for an entire floor of her university dorm.
D. Completely blown off an awards ceremony at a major business convention, sending her even more drunk underling in her stead, who then threw a punch at the boss after winning an award.
6. Which of the following has Shakespeare's Sister never done while tripping?
A. Asked a transvestite at the Melrose Diner to please put her breasts away.
B. Stared at a poster of Suede until Brett Anderson winked at her.
C. Gotten trapped at work and forced to work on an important project for the city.
D. Deliberately freaked out herself and a friend by reading excerpts from The Encyclopedia of Serial Killers.
7. Which of the following has Shakespeare’s Sister never purchased as a gift for Mr. Shakes?
A. An A-Team lunchbox.
B. A 19th-century Russian cigarette case engraved with an image of Tolstoy.
C. A pair of boxers covered in hearts and honey bees.
D. A signed copy of The English Patient.
8. Which of the following has not been the name of one of Shakespeare’s Sister’s pets?
A. Matthew the Turtle
B. Bobby the Parakeet
C. Teddy the Dog
D. Oscar the Cat
9. Which of the following is not a nickname of Mr. Shakes’ for Shakespeare’s Sister?
A. Bawheed
B. Chunkles
C. Kabuffle
D. Nushtelhead
10. Which of the following is not a statement Shakespeare’s Sister would use to describe herself?
A. I’m easily tricked.
B. I’m easily chilled.
C. I’m easily amused.
D. I’m easily mistaken for a Campbell’s Soup Kid.
Extra Credit Essay Question: Shakespeare’s Sister’s favorite word is wev. Provide its etymology and definition, and give a sample statement using the name George Bush that might elicit a wev from Shakespeare’s Sister.
Please lay down your pencils as soon as your quiz is complete.
Drink the Kool-Aid…Drink It!!!
Remember the Kool-Aid Man? Ya know—this dude:
A couple days ago, I realized that our favorite administration spokeswhore bears a striking resemblance to him.
I mean, is it just me, or do those two not look scarily alike?
It’s kind of interesting that Scott McClellan’s cartoon doppelganger is a chubby pot o’ junk that’s bad for you who bursts into American homes on a regular basis to pour Kool-Aid down people’s throats.
Quote of the Day
It must be very strange to be President Bush. A man of extraordinary vision and brilliance approaching to genius, he can't get anyone to notice. He is like a great painter or musician who is ahead of his time, and who unveils one masterpiece after another to a reception that, when not bored, is hostile.
— PowerLine’s Hindrocket
Yeah, it’s real unusual for a rich, spoiled, narcissistic, over-indulged, under-criticized, belligerent assmonkey who’s been handed more power than he deserves to be flummoxed by others’ inability to see him for the man of extraordinary brilliance that he is. Forget the rest of us noticing his genius; it’s time President Wonderful (not to mention the sycophantic Hindrocket) noticed what the rest of us saw a long time ago—that this brilliant emperor isn’t wearing any clothes.
(Hat tip Blogenlust.)
Friday Fun
I know that my last post was entirely too serious for a Friday; frankly, just the research for it nearly fried my brain. So in reward for plowing through it, I present Steve, Don’t Eat It! which is so hysterical I had to run out for a smoke just so I could laugh out loud.
(Hat tip to the always wonderful Spontaneous Arising.)
Next Stop: Cuba
Okay, you know how every once in awhile, you read a news story that’s just so nuts, you honestly can’t believe it, even though you’ve sworn a thousand times that nothing the Bush administration could do would surprise you anymore? This is one of those stories:
US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice has announced the creation of a new post to help "accelerate the demise" of the Castro regime in Cuba.(Hat tip A Brooklyn Bridge.)
Caleb McCarry, a veteran Republican Party activist, was appointed as the Cuba transition co-ordinator.
First of all, there’s the issue of embarking on this operation while still mired in both Iraq and Afghanistan, and even if this isn’t going to be executed via a military intervention, there’s still perhaps something to be said for keeping our eye on one regime change ball at a time, you know what I mean? The Bush administration hasn’t exactly proven itself competent multi-taskers.
More importantly, however, is what I found when I started doing a little research on this McCarry character, inspired by my curiosity at how, exactly, “a veteran Republican Party activist” is qualified to lead this so-called “Cuba transition.” Well, McCarry is, in fact, not a party activist so much as a “veteran congressional staff expert on Latin America” and a Professional Staff Member on the House International Relations Committee. His name pops up in articles on the 2004 El Salvadoran elections, as project director for a US Agency for International Development (AID)-funded international observer mission for the 1990 Nicaraguan elections, on a list of speakers at an AID-hosted round table discussion on the 2001 Nicaraguan elections, and as the project director for a $2 million AID-funded project to support the institutional and logistical development of the National Congress of Guatemala, among others. Much of the US involvement in Central American affairs done under McCarry’s leadership was carried out under the Center for Democracy, a bi-partisan organization started in 1984 by Allen Weinstein (who is currently the National Archivist, nominated last year and sworn in early this year with the fervent support of Karl Rove and Alberto Gonzales amid serious concerns of archival, historical, and other governmental watchdog organizations, who noted that it was “the first time since 1985 that the process of nominating an Archivist of the United States ha[d] not been open for public discussion and input”). During the 1990 Nicaraguan elections, the Center for Democracy office in Managua (funded in part by AID) was implicated in the provocation of a pre-election violent incident while under McCarry’s direction.
In addition to McCarry’s involvement with the Center for Democracy, his name is, perhaps even more troublingly, found in a whole heck of a lot of places associated with Haiti, specifically the resignation/removal of Aristide. See here (where McCarry asserts that a Haitian election was manipulated by Aristide and his partisans), here (where he is listed as a speaker at a meeting on Haiti's November 2000 Elections and Challenges for U.S. Policy), and especially here, which is a great article by Max Blumenthal examining whether the Bush administration allowed a network of right-wing Republicans to foment a violent coup in Haiti, in which McCarry is described as a staunchly anti-Aristide staffer on the House Foreign Relations Committee who, according to a former senior State Department official, "worked hand in glove with [Stanley Lucas, the federally funded International Republican Institute's (IRI) senior program officer for Haiti]..."
So McCarry was an integral figure in the US’s involvement with Haiti, whatever, exactly, it was (and we all know how well that’s going). Now he’s been put in charge of “accelerat[ing] the demise" of the Castro regime in Cuba. Fantastic. I can’t wait to see what turmoil we cause there, too.
Whuh?
Frist Breaks with Bush on Stem-Cell Bill
Buh?
WASHINGTON - Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist on Friday threw his support behind House-passed legislation to expand federal financing for human embryonic stem cell research, breaking with President Bush and religious conservatives in a move that could impact his prospects for seeking the White House in 2008.
"It's not just a matter of faith, it's a matter of science," Frist, R-Tenn., said on the floor of the Senate.
Guh?
At the White House, press secretary Scott McClellan said Frist had given Bush advance notice of his announcement. "The president said, `You've got to vote your conscious,'" McClellan said.
(Something tells me that's a 100% accurate quote)
A heart-lung transplant surgeon who opposes abortion, Frist said loosening Bush's strict limitations on stem cell research would lead to scientific advances and "bridge the moral and ethical differences" that have made the issue politically charged.
"While human embryonic stem cell research is still at a very early stage, the limitation put into place in 2001 will, over time, slow our ability to bring potential new treatments for certain diseases," the Tennessee lawmaker said in his speech.
"Therefore, I believe the president's policy should be modified. We should expand federal funding ... and current guidelines governing stem cell research, carefully and thoughtfully, staying within ethical bounds," he said.
Muh?
The announcement came the same week that a group of supporters for the research, StemPAC, launched a television ad in New Hampshire criticizing Frist for not scheduling a vote on the issue. Frist added on Friday that he expected debate and a vote when the Senate returns from vacation in the fall.
With those political realities in mind, Frist argued that his positions on stem cell research and abortion were not inconsistent. He said the decision was about policy, not politics.
Zuh?
*sputtering* What... what is this.. Bizarro world??
Update: Pam has the Freeper reaction. It's priceless.
(Oops, I cross-posted again)
D’oh!
It's amazing how the mind works.Isn’t that a gosh dern coinkydink?
Of all the things for John Bolton to forget about, he forgets that he was interviewed for the Joint State-CIA IG Report on the Niger forgeries.
Seriously, Mr. Moustache deserves a recess appointment to the UN like
Friday Blogrollin'
The Tattered Coat. Go read anything. It’s all good.
The Immoral Minority, who, in addition to being a good aggregator, can be so darned pleasantly optimistic.
Notes from the Divine Miss Em, because she’s clean, complex, and dark, just like me.
Official Reality Check Daily Blog, because everyone needs a daily reality check.
Camera Obscura, who’s got a cool name, an eclectic mix of stuff, and should have been added a long time ago.
As always, tell me what I ought to be reading in comments.
Update on Iranian Hanging of Two Boys
There's a possible clarification to the story, on which I posted last week. I'm dubious that the clarification is the actual version of events; frankly, I'd prefer to believe it was a bad translation and those two boys were executed because they were rapists. But I don't believe it. It stinks of contrivance, although I'm basing that on nothing other than my gut.
Oddjob, Don’t Read This Post
Because I don’t want you to abandon me forever for going on about Gore again.
Except this time, it’s not really me. It’s Matt Yglesias at Tapped:
THE CASE FOR GORE. Marshall Wittmann floats the notion of an Al Gore presidential run in 2008. He's a bit of a skeptic, but I'm pretty enthusiastic. Gore offers, I think, just about what the Democrats need: an opposition to the Iraq War that's based neither on retrospective carping nor a general reluctance to use force, but rather a realistic assessment of the weakness of the case for war. He was a liberal hawk back in the 1980s before it was cool and, even better, made an effort during his congressional days to become a genuine expert on military issues and not just rack up a reflexively "tough" record. He backed the first Gulf War when most of his colleagues opposed it. During the Clinton administration he was, by all accounts, identified with the more aggressive side during the internal foreign-policy debates.It’s a good point. Especially since, as Atrios noted earlier today:
But as the country moved toward the invasion of Iraq he saw -- at the time -- what most liberal hawks now concede at least privately in retrospect: that there was no urgent security threat from Iraq and that the Bush administration wasn't up to the task of accomplishing the more airily idealistic things that one might cite in the war's favor.
Obviously, there's much time to go and many other factors in play, but I think this is both politically and substantively the right ground to stake out for 2008 and there aren't very many prominent politicians who hit the sweet spot back in 2002 and 2003.
Herbert has an excellent read in the Times today. But, let me add in the political dimension. I wonder if Democrats realize that Iraq will be the central issue in both the '06 an '08 elections? I don't think they do. sad.It sure isn’t going to be a porn tax, I can tell you that much.
You Look Good Enough to Eat
That’s my caption for both of these photos, in which Rummy sure seems to want to do some serious crotch-gobbling.
And what’s with the fists? Get a grip, Rummy.
Whoopty-Fucking-Doo
The energy bill has passed the house. For an energy bill, it’s sure leaving me feeling pretty damn exhausted.
(Check out the tone of the lede in that AP story, though. Yowza.)
The Plame Plot Thickens—by 1/3
Salon’s War Room reporting on the NY Times article that examines the possibility of a third administration official having spilled the proverbial beans:
According to a report in the New York Times, little attention has been paid thus far to the fact that Washington Post reporter Walter Pincus spoke with a separate administration official -- not Karl Rove or I. Lewis Libby -- the same week in July 2003 in which White House officials were in contact with reporters Robert Novak and Matthew Cooper, doing damage control in order to undermine Joseph C. Wilson's claim that Iraq's attempt to acquire nuclear material from Niger was bogus.Get ’em, Fitzy.
The "administration official" who spoke with Pincus, who has yet to be identified, told him that Wilson's trip to Niger to investigate the nuclear material claim was "a boondoggle arranged by his wife, an analyst with the agency who was working on weapons of mass destruction," according to Pincus' account. Apparently there is strong evidence to suggest that this unknown official is neither Rove nor Libby, the two White House officials that are known to have discussed Wilson's wife with other journalists.
Could this unknown administration official be the same "no partisan gunslinger" that Robert Novak has described as the other source for his column that ultimately outed Wilson's wife as a CIA employee? Pincus' exchange apparently occurred on July 12, 2003, two days before Novak's column was published, referring to her as "an agency operative on weapons of mass destruction." And Pincus' source used similar language just days before -- that she was "an analyst" working on weapons of mass destruction.
