Showing posts with label Chris Christie. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Chris Christie. Show all posts

Christie Unintentionally Reveals Trump's Strategy

Appearing on Morning Joe to promote his new book which I can't wait to never read, Chris Christie told co-hosts Mika Brzezinski and Joe Scarborough that he offered Donald Trump some advice on how to deal with Special Counsel Bob Mueller's investigation:

Christie said he told Trump not to "be fooled" by what his "C-level legal team" was telling him about the investigation wrapping up promptly. Christie, a former federal prosecutor, said he's known Mueller for years and insisted the probe would take "a long time."

"There's no way you can make this investigation shorter, but there's lots of ways you can make it longer," Christie recalled telling Trump. "And the way you can do that is to keep talking about it and tweeting about it, because every time you do that, prosecutors say, 'Great, more things for us to chase down.'"

"I can tell you that I must have said this to him two dozen times over the last two years: 'You need to stop, you're making this worse,'" he added.
Christie says that Trump failed to heed this advice, but I think Trump heard Christie loud and clear: The more Trump gives Mueller to investigate, the longer the investigation drags on. And, as I've said dozens of times before like the brokenest of broken records, the longer Mueller's investigation takes, the more time the Republicans have to consolidate power.

Trump definitely took Christie's advice. Just not the way it was intended.

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Today in This Corrupt Oligarchy: Welcome Chris Christie Back to the News!

There have long been rumors that Russian oligarchs used Trump Tower (and other Trump properties) to launder their money — and one question has always been whether Russians were the only people with whom Donald Trump was engaged in this sort of shady business.

Although Trump himself is not directly implicated in this story, the international corruption is veering perilously close to him.

Bradley Hope, Tom Wright, and Rebecca Davis O'Brien at the Wall Street Journal report that the Department of Justice is investigating whether Jho Low, a fugitive Malaysian financier, "laundered tens of millions of dollars through two associates and used the funds to pay a U.S. legal team that includes former New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie and a lawyer who represents [Donald] Trump."

Low, who is described in U.S. court filings as "playing a central role in the alleged embezzlement of $4.5 billion from a Malaysian fund called 1Malaysia Development Bhd," was charged by Malaysian authorities this week with money laundering in what "investigators suspect may be one of the biggest financial frauds in history."

The Justice Department, in July 2016 and last year, filed civil lawsuits in federal court in California seeking to recover assets from Mr. Low and others including mansions, artwork, and a yacht allegedly bought with 1MDB funds. It is now pursuing a criminal investigation in which Mr. Low, who has U.S. assets, is a target, these people said.

Since 2016, Mr. Low's access to the global financial system has been sharply curtailed by banks wary of handling allegedly tainted funds, according to the people familiar with the matter. That has made it difficult for him to pay directly for a range of outlays, from lifestyle expenses to legal and advisory services, according to these people.

...The Justice Department is investigating Mr. Low's potential use of two intermediaries to facilitate the payments through the international financial system, people familiar with the matter say. A Justice Department spokeswoman declined to comment.

...The team of lawyers and consultants working for Mr. Low includes Mr. Christie, who briefly headed Mr. Trump's presidential transition team; Mr. Trump's longtime lawyer Marc Kasowitz; Bobby Burchfield, a lawyer who has served as the Trump Organization's outside ethics adviser; and Ed Rogers, a Washington lobbyist with close ties to the Republican Party.
That lobbyist is former deputy RNC finance chair Elliott Broidy, who has been suspected of taking the fall for Donald Trump in the second hush payment arranged by Trump's personal attorney Michael Cohen to conceal an affair. Broidy was also vice chair of the Trump campaign's joint fund with the Republican Party during the 2016 presidential campaign. As a consequence: "The route of any payments to Mr. Broidy [from Low] also are part of the Justice Department probe."
The public-integrity section of the Justice Department is separately investigating some of the lobbying work on behalf of Mr. Low, including whether Mr. Broidy attempted to sell his influence in the Trump administration to Mr. Low, who in turn was allegedly acting as an agent of the Malaysian and Chinese governments, people familiar with the investigations said.

...Mr. Low has been seeking to influence the administration to drop its investigations into him and 1MDB, according to people familiar with Mr. Low's dealings and the Justice Department investigations.
Naturally, Broidy denies all of this and Trump, if he ever addresses it at all, will say he doesn't know anything about it, and it's just a sad witch hunt etc.

But the fact is that people know this U.S. president is for sale. And this might seem like a convoluted and unimportant story in the grand scheme of the Trump Regime's vast indecencies, but it's indicative of a chronic, toxic corruption that is the harbinger of a failed democracy and hallmark of an oligarchy.

Further, White House access being sold to the highest bidder means that it might get sold to spies. NB: Low "was was allegedly acting as an agent of the Malaysian and Chinese governments" while Broidy was reportedly trying to leverage his White House access on Low's behalf.

We are so far past "It can't happen here." Indeed it can. It already has.

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We Resist: Day 495

a black bar with the word RESIST in white text

One of the difficulties in resisting the Trump administration, the Republican Congressional majority, and Republican state legislatures (plus the occasional non-Republican who obliges us to resist their nonsense, too, like we don't have enough to worry about) is keeping on top of the sheer number of horrors, indignities, and normalization of the aggressively abnormal that they unleash every single day.

So here is a daily thread for all of us to share all the things that are going on, thus crowdsourcing a daily compendium of the onslaught of conservative erosion of our rights and our very democracy.

Stay engaged. Stay vigilant. Resist.

* * *

Earlier today by me: Where's Melania? and Trump Suggests the Midterms Will Be Compromised.

Here are some more things in the news today...

The Clinton women continue to demonstrate that they have things to say worth listening to, and that we should have been listening to them all along.

Hillary Clinton: "Right now we are living through a crisis in our democracy. There are certainly not tanks in the street, but what is happening today goes to the heart of who we are as a nation. And I say this not as a Democrat who lost an election, but an American afraid of losing a country."

Chelsea Clinton: "I think one of the big mistakes was, for so long, we focused on tolerance, which I just think is insufficient. People tolerated casual misogyny, but casual misogyny is maybe the gateway drug. We have freedom of speech, which I do think is hugely important — and yet people thought you couldn't dispute hateful things, because they're like, well, it's freedom of speech. Well, freedom of speech doesn't mean there is freedom of consequences. Sure, you should not be in prison because you said something racist. But you also shouldn't be able to run for president. And yet here we are."

Both articles also continue to demonstrate that coverage of the Clinton women is absolute garbage.

Related to what both of these smart ladies are saying:


Yup.

* * *

[Content Note: Racism] Lauren Etter and Michael Riley at Bloomberg: Inside the Pro-Trump Effort to Keep Black Voters from the Polls.
Bannon's deployment of the psychological-operations firm Cambridge Analytica in the 2016 campaign drew fresh attention this month, when a former Cambridge employee told a U.S. Senate panel that Bannon tried to use the company to suppress the black vote in key states. Carter's story shows for the first time how an employee at Bannon's former news site worked as an off-the-books political operative in the service of a similar goal.

Carter's recollections and correspondence, which he shared after a falling-out with his fellow Trump supporters, provide a rare look inside the no-holds-barred nature of the Republican's campaign and how it explored new ways to achieve an age-old political aim: getting the right voters to the polls—and keeping the wrong ones away.

"If you can't stomach Trump, just don't vote for the other people and don't vote at all," Carter, 47, recalls telling black voters. It's the message he says the Trump campaign wanted him to deliver. "That's what they wanted, that's what they got."

The work Carter says he did, and the funds he was given to do it, also raise questions as to whether campaign finance laws were broken.

The group Carter founded, Trump for Urban Communities, never disclosed its spending to the Federal Election Commission—a possible violation of election law. In hindsight, Carter says, he believed he was working for the campaign so he wouldn't have been responsible for reporting the spending.

His descriptions of the operation suggest possible coordination between Trump's campaign and his nominally independent efforts. If there was coordination, election law dictates that any contributions to groups such as his must fall within individual limits: no more than $2,700 for a candidate. One supporter far exceeded that cap, giving about $100,000 to Carter's efforts.

Another potential issue is whether the unusual role played by the Breitbart reporter amounted to an in-kind contribution.

"There are some real problems here," says Lawrence Noble, who served as general counsel at the FEC during Republican and Democratic administrations and is now senior director and general counsel at the Campaign Legal Center, a nonpartisan advocacy organization. "I would think this is more than enough evidence for the FEC to open an investigation."
It certainly is. But even if an investigation were opened, would it ever get anywhere? Would it ever matter?

Zack Ford at ThinkProgress: Ivanka Trump's Suspiciously-Timed Chinese Business Deals. "Ivanka Trump's business recently secured five more valuable trademarks from China (with a sixth given trial approval), allowing her to expand her business there to the tune of millions of dollars in profits. The timing of the approval suspiciously overlaps with [Donald] Trump's own dealings with China. The new trademarks were approved on May 7, just days before Trump promised on Twitter to help save the Chinese phone company ZTE. ...Ivanka's trademarks are not the only way the Trump family seems to have conspicuously benefited from Trump's support for one of China's biggest telecom companies. In the days before that public promise, China also loaned $500 million to an Indonesian theme park that will include a Trump-branded golf course and hotels." JFC.

Andrew Perez at Fast Company: Chris Christie Blocks Release of His Office's Emails with Jared Kushner's Company. "Christie, whose eight-year administration spent almost $1 million battling to keep public records secret, issued a letter in his last week in Trenton that declared any requests involving his office's electronic records would be handled by his private lawyer, rather than by state employees. ...Flavio Komuves, a partner at the Zazzali Fagella law firm in New Jersey, said that OPRA requires government officials to review records requests and determine whether to release documents. Under Christie's letter, Komuves said, 'that decision is being made by his personal lawyer who owes an obligation to him personally, and not by someone who has sworn an oath of office to look after the public interest. That is a very disturbing aspect of what's happened here.'" Fucking hell.

This administration is just unfathomably corrupt. As is everyone who's ever been associated with it. Goddammit.

* * *

[CN: Nativism. Covers entire section.]

Tina Vasquez at Rewire.News: By Painting Asylum Seekers as 'Violent Animals,' Trump Unlocked a School-to-Deportation Pipeline. "The president and his administration often conflate gang members, of which there are about 2,000 on Long Island, and asylum-seeking migrant children. ...Stories from immigrant children and their lawyers suggest the administration is crying wolf. An internal Office of Refugee Resettlement (ORR) review found that less than 2 percent of children in its care have direct gang ties. Many of the other children it appears have been falsely accused of gang ties for things as trivial as wearing shoelaces of a particular color, holding up a peace sign in a photo posted on their personal social media, or giving a classmate the finger."


On a related note, there is a viral Twitter thread going around admonishing people not to share stories or worry about "lost children" in the U.S. immigration system, because they're not even really lost. I'm not going to get into a whole detailed rebuttal, but, although that thread makes an important distinction between the Department of Health and Human Services not knowing where around 1,500 unaccompanied minors are, and the policy of the Trump administration to separate parents and children at the border, then declaring those children unaccompanied minors, there's a lot that I find problematic about the thread.

Chiefly, I have a problem with the argument that the kids aren't "lost" when, in many cases, their own parents (whose parental rights haven't been severed) cannot find them, because they've been released to other relatives while separated from their parents. That makes them fucking lost. To their parents.

Is the contention that children cannot be "lost" as long as someone knows where they are? Because that's a pretty terrible definition of lost.

Anyway. I'll leave it there.

HHS put out a very terrible rebuttal to the concerns being raised, which includes the passage I highlighted on Twitter:


That is some innocuous-sounding language about real estate acquisition, when what they're actually talking about is housing for detained immigrant children which they forcibly separate from their parents.

And finally on this subject: Danielle McLean at ThinkProgress: U.S. Border Patrol Changes Its Story About Why Its Officer Killed an Unarmed Woman. "Initially, the federal agency claimed a group of undocumented immigrants started hitting the officer with 'blunt objects' during an unprovoked attack while he patrolled a residential street searching for 'illegal activity.' Claudia Patricia Gómez González, who was shot and fatally wounded by the agent, was named as 'one of the assailants,' of that attack according to the New York Times. But in an updated statement on Friday, the agency now says they were told by the officer that a group of immigrants 'rushed him' instead of complying with demands to get on the ground. CBP no longer refers to the deceased woman as an assailant, but merely as a 'member of the group.'" Rage seethe boil.

* * *

[CN: War on agency] Not good. Not good at all.


[CN: Addiction; deadly corporate greed] And finally:


My god. Breathtaking.

What have you been reading that we need to resist today?

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In the News

Here is some stuff in the news today...

Please read this beautiful piece by my Shareblue colleague Matthew Chapman: "As a man on the spectrum, Clinton's support of autism rights means so much to me."

"The Paris agreement to combat climate change became international law Friday. The landmark deal aims to tackle global warming amid growing fears that the world is becoming hotter even faster than scientists expected. ...United Nations Secretary General Ban-Ki moon commemorated the event, talking with nongovernmental groups at U.N. headquarters in New York to hear their concerns and visions for the future. 'This is an emotional moment for me. It is a credit to all of you. And it is historic for the world,' Ban said in his opening remarks."

[Content Note: Misogyny; body policing] Damn, this piece in the NYT: "Nearly half the girls say Mr. Trump's comments about women have affected the way they think about their bodies." Seethe.

Welp: "Jury Finds Bridgegate Defendants Guilty on All Counts." This does not bode well for Chris Christie! (Good.)

Uhhhhh: "Giuliani says he was leaked information about emails days in advance of Comey letter: 'You're darn right I heard about it.'"

It's a pretty alarming commentary on the state of political punditry that this policy-for-policy analysis of the issues by "Hamilton" star Daveed Diggs is better than anything I've seen by the optics-centered garbage media this entire cycle.

[CN: Rape culture] This is unsurprising but deeply infuriating: "Data Suggests D.C. Prosecutors Pursue Cases That Conform to Rape Myths."

[CN: Misogyny] Wow: "Harvard University has suspended its men's soccer team for the remainder of the season because of sexual comments made about members of the women's soccer team. University president Drew Faust said in a statement on Thursday night that an investigation into the 2012 team found their 'appalling' actions were not isolated to one year or the actions of a few, but appeared to be more widespread across the team and continued through the current season."

If you'd like to hear a song to celebrate Hillary Clinton, here you go!

What have you been reading?

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Today in More Terrible Trumpery

[Content Note: Class warfare; mocking illness. Video may autoplay at first link.]

As you may have heard, over the weekend, the New York Times dropped a bombshell: After taking a nearly billion-dollar tax loss in 1995, there's a good possibility Donald Trump hasn't paid taxes in nearly two decades.

And the story of how they obtained and verified this information is fascinating, too (emphases mine):

The documents consisted of three pages from what appeared to be Mr. Trump's 1995 tax returns. The pages were mailed last month to Susanne Craig, a reporter at The Times who has written about Mr. Trump's finances. The documents were the first page of a New York State resident income tax return, the first page of a New Jersey nonresident tax return, and the first page of a Connecticut nonresident tax return. Each page bore the names and Social Security numbers of Mr. Trump and Marla Maples, his wife at the time. Only the New Jersey form had what appeared to be their signatures.

The three documents arrived by mail at The Times with a postmark indicating they had been sent from New York City. The return address claimed the envelope had been sent from Trump Tower.

On Wednesday, The Times presented the tax documents to Jack Mitnick, a lawyer and certified public accountant who handled Mr. Trump's tax matters for more than 30 years, until 1996. Mr. Mitnick was listed as the preparer on the New Jersey tax form.

Mr. Mitnick, 80, now semiretired and living in Florida, said that while he no longer had access to Mr. Trump's original returns, the documents appeared to be authentic copies of portions of Mr. Trump's 1995 tax returns. Mr. Mitnick said the signature on the tax preparer line of the New Jersey tax form was his, and he readily explained an obvious anomaly in the way especially large numbers appeared on the New York tax document.

A flaw in the tax software program he used at the time prevented him from being able to print a nine-figure loss on Mr. Trump's New York return, he said. So, for example, the loss of "-915,729,293" on Line 18 of the return printed out as "5,729,293." As a result, Mr. Mitnick recalled, he had to use his typewriter to manually add the "-91," thus explaining why the first two digits appeared to be in a different font and were slightly misaligned from the following seven digits.

"This is legit," he said, stabbing a finger into the document.

Naturally, Trump—who, as you may recall, declared "That makes me smart!" at the first presidential debate when Hillary Clinton suggested he may not have paid taxes in some time—sent out his BFF surrogates Rudy Giuliani and Chris Christie to defend him, the former of whom repeatedly called him a "genius" and the latter of whom incredibly contended that this story is "a very, very good story for Donald Trump." Sounds legit!

In other Trump news, he completely spun out of control at a rally, verbally and physically mocking Clinton's stumble from pneumonia—


—and then accusing her of being unfaithful to her husband.


How many different ways are there to say this guy isn't fit to be president? THIS GUY IS NOT FIT TO BE PRESIDENT. He is comprehensively unqualified—lacking the competence, the temperament, anything resembling even the most basic decency we expect of a national leader.


I don't even know how to describe the Very Special Rules we have decided to use to assess Donald Trump. All I know is that they belong in the nearest dumpster, set on fire until they are burned into ash, and then that ash packed into a cannon and fired into the sun, just to be safe.

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THIS CONVENTION

[Content Note: Misogyny.]

So, Chris Christie, who delivered one of the most despicable speeches of the Republican National Convention during which he staged a "mock trial" of Hillary Clinton, declared her guilty, and oversaw the convention audience erupting into an angry chant of "lock her up," now says he didn't start it.

Everything happens in a vacuum. Apparently.

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Republican Convention Day One Wrap-Up!

[Content Note: Bigotry; sexual harassment; theft.]

HOO BOY that was quite a day of turgid garbage!

I did some live-tweeting of the primetime trash parade, and I've Storified those tweets for anyone who wants to read them.

For anyone who didn't tune into ONE MILLION SOLID HOURS of Republican nightmare conventioning, here's my Executive Summary: BROWN PEOPLE ARE SCARY! HILLARY IS A MONSTER! DONALD TRUMP IS A TREMENDOUS AND CLASSY LEADER! AMERICA HAS BECOME A BIG TURD BUT IS ALSO THE BEST! USA! USA! TAKE HILLARY TO JAIL! YEAHHHH!

In other news: Chris Christie is the Commandant of Creeptown.

And finally! It looks like Melania Trump straight-up plagiarized a Michelle Obama speech. Not just any speech, either: Her 2008 Democratic Convention Speech. Her famous "One Nation" speech. And it was a section about passing on good values to your kids. LOL. You can't make this shit up.

Michelle Obama: "Barack and I were raised with so many of the same values: That you work hard for what you want in life; that your word is your bond and you do what you say you're going to do; that you treat people with dignity and respect, even if you don’t know them, and even if you don't agree with them. And Barack and I set out to build lives guided by these values, and to pass them on to the next generation. Because we want our children—and all children in this nation—to know that the only limit to the height of your achievements is the reach of your dreams and your willingness to work for them."

Melania Trump: "From a young age my parents impressed on me the values that you work hard for what you want in life. That your work is your bond and you do what you say and keep your promise. That you treat people with respect. They taught and showed me values and morals in their daily life. That is a lesson that I continue to pass along to our son, and we need to pass those lessons on to the many generations to follow because we want our children in this nation to know that the only limit to your achievements is the strength of your dreams and your willingness to work for them."

Welp.

UPDATE: And, naturally, the Trump campaign not only refuses to acknowledge the theft, but blames Hillary Clinton for trying to attack Melania:

"There's no cribbing of Michelle Obama's speech. These were common words and values, that she cares about her family, things like that," said Mr. Manafort. "I mean, she was speaking in front of 35 million people last night. She knew that. To think that she would be cribbing Michelle Obama's words is crazy."

He added, "This is once again an example of when a woman threatens Hillary Clinton, how she seeks out to demean her and take her down."
He also said: "We're talking about words like compassion, love of family, respect. These are not words that are unique words, that belong to the Obamas." Unreal.

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Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Oh godddddddd.

Washington Post: "Gingrich, Christie are the leading candidates to be Trump's running mate."

NBC News: "Indiana's Mike Pence 'In Play' as Possible Trump VP Pick."

Newt Gingrich. Nope.

Chris Christie. No thank you.

Mike Pence. Hell to the no.

Look, there are a lot—a lot—of disqualifying reasons that these guys shouldn't be allowed anywhere near the Oval Office, even in the role of the understudy.

But the most disqualifying reason of them all is their willingness to be on a ticket with Donald Trump in the first place.

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In the News

Here is some stuff in the news today...

[Content Note: Airline disaster; death] "Egypt said on Friday its navy had found human remains, wreckage and the personal belongings of passengers floating in the Mediterranean, confirmation that an EgyptAir jet had plunged into the sea with 66 people on board. President Abdel Fattah al-Sisi offered condolences for those on board, amounting to Egypt's official acknowledgement of their deaths, although there was still no explanation of why the Airbus had crashed. ...The navy was searching an area about 290 km (180 miles) north of the port city of Alexandria, just south of where the signal from the plane was lost early on Thursday.There was no sign of the bulk of the wreckage, or of a location signal from the 'black box' flight recorders." My condolences once again to the people who lost loved ones. I hope they will get some answers soon.

[CN: Extreme heat; death] My god: "A city in India's Rajasthan state has broken the country's temperature records after registering 51C, the highest since records began, the weather office says." That's 124 degrees Fahrenheit. "The heatwave has hit much of northern India, where temperatures have exceeded 40C for weeks. The run-up to the Indian monsoon season is always characterised by weeks of strong sunshine and increasing heat but life-threatening temperature levels topping 50C are unusual. Murari Lal Thanvi, an eyewitness in Phalodi, told the BBC he had struggled to stay outdoors on Friday. 'Even my mobile phone gave up and stopped working when I was trying to take pictures today,' he said." Dozens of people have already died in the heatwave. Absolutely awful.

[CN: Illness] Fuck: "More than 270 pregnant women in the U.S. are infected with the Zika virus and worry about whether their babies will be born with birth defects, federal health officials announced Friday. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention updated the way it reports Zika-affected pregnancies, and said the new numbers show 279 women who tested positive for the virus. This includes 157 women in the 50 states and Washington, D.C, plus 122 in Puerto Rico, the U.S. Virgin Islands, and other U.S. territories. So far, fewer than a dozen have had an 'adverse event,' such as a miscarriage or evidence that the fetus has a birth defect, CDC officials said." Still, the CDC continues to encourage pregnant people who have themselves or whose partners have traveled to Zika-affected areas to get tested for the virus.

[CN: Anti-immigrationism; doxxing] "A federal judge with a history of anti-immigrant sentiment ordered the federal government to turn over the names, addresses and 'all available contact information' of over 100,000 immigrants living within the United States. He does so in a strange order that quotes extensively from movie scripts and that alleges a conspiracy of attorneys 'somewhere in the halls of the Justice Department whose identities are unknown to this Court.' It appears to be, as several immigration advocates noted shortly after the order was handed down, an effort to intimidate immigrants who benefit from certain Obama administration programs from participating in those programs, lest their personal information be turned over to people who wish them harm. As Greisa Martinez, Advocacy Director for United We Dream, said in a statement, the judge is 'asking for the personal information of young people just to whip up fear'—fear, no doubt, of what could happen if anti-immigrant state officials got their hands on this information. Or if the information became public." I don't even have words. What the fuck.

[CN: Misogyny; harassment; threats; abuse] "When Will the Internet Be Safe for Women?" The opening of that story details the swatting of a Massachusetts state congresswoman in retribution for introducing legislation to try to address swatting and online harassment. Which pretty much sums up the state of affairs.

[CN: Threats; harassment] Krystal Lake, a black woman from Long Island, "said she received death threats after photos of her wearing a cap with the message 'America Was Never Great' were posted widely on social media." Obviously, this was a response to Donald Trump's "Make America Great Again" campaign slogan, and, the truth is, the country has not been great (and still isn't) for lots and lots of people. And the fact that a black woman got death threats for expressing that opinion really kind of proves her point.

[CN: Fat hatred; bullying] I mean, this is how Donald Trump treats his friends: "Donald Trump teased New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie about his weight while speaking at a fundraiser to pay off Christie's presidential campaign debt. Trump, when mentioning that the Nabisco cookie plant was leaving Chicago for Mexico, pointed to Christie and told the crowd the governor would stop eating Nabisco cookies. 'I'm not eating Oreos anymore, you know that—but neither is Chris,' Trump said. 'You're not eating Oreos anymore. No more Oreos. For either of us, Chris. Don't feel bad.'" This fucking guy.

[CN: Fat hatred; bullying] Hey, speaking of Trump and his disgusting fat hatred, remember the former Miss Universe who said that Trump had called her Miss Piggy? Well, she just got her US citizenship, and Hillary Clinton tweeted at her: "Congratulations on becoming a U.S. citizen, Alicia. Enjoy casting that vote." HAHA YES!

No kidding: "The last time information from Donald Trump's income-tax returns was made public, the bottom line was striking: He had paid the federal government $0 in income taxes." Which is exactly what I predicted his current tax returns will show.

RIP John Berry: "John Berry, an original member of hip-hop group the Beastie Boys, died Thursday morning at 7:30 a.m. at a hospice in Danvers, Massachusetts. He was 52."

Trees sleep? "In research both charming and groundbreaking (sorry for the pun), scientists from Austria, Finland and Hungary used lasers to measure the overnight movements of birch trees. Their unexpected finding: During the hours of darkness, the trees appeared to relax, or droop, their branches at the tips by as much as four inches." Oh trees. You are a delightful mystery!

And finally! Big man and tiny dog! LOOOOOOOOOOOOVE!

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In the News

Here is some stuff in the news today...

Hillary Clinton is the winner of the Guam Democratic Caucuses. Congratulations, Hillary Clinton! Paging Tim Robbins!

[Content Note: Transphobia] This is yet another reminder that Republican state legislatures act in contravention of the will of the people: "Americans broadly oppose laws that would require transgender people to use facilities that correspond with their gender at birth rather than their gender identity, according to a new CNN/ORC Poll, and three-quarters favor laws guaranteeing equal protection for transgender individuals. Overall, 57% say they oppose laws requiring transgender individuals to use facilities that do not match their gender identity, 38% support such laws. Strong opposition (39%) outweighs strong support for these laws (25%). There's a partisan gap on the question, with Democrats and independents more apt to oppose them than Republicans. But Republicans aren't broadly in favor of them either."

[CN: Transphobia; homophobia] In related news: "The ACLU has filed a lawsuit challenging Mississippi's anti-LGBT 'right to discriminate' bill, HB 1523. Called one of the worst religious freedom bills to date in the U.S., HB 1523 (also known as the 'Protecting Freedom of Conscience from Government Discrimination Act') cuts out broad exemptions for individuals and businesses with 'sincerely held religious belief or moral convictions' that marriage 'should be recognized as the union of one man and one woman' to refuse service to LGBT people. The ACLU argues that HB 1523 directly contradicts the Supreme Court's gay marriage ruling in Obergefell v. Hodges by targeting LGBT people."

[CN: War on agency] "A number of states have unleashed a new strategy to further restrict a woman's legal right to end a pregnancy: Ban the safest way to perform a second-trimester abortion. ...The flurry of state-level activity over D&E has intensified since this legislation was first introduced in 2014. Just last week, Alabama passed a D&E bill—paired with legislation that would essentially treat abortion clinics like sex offenders. In March, West Virginia lawmakers overrode their governor's veto on a D&E bill that's now slated to go into effect at the end of May. All told, at least 15 states have proposed new D&E bans this session. If these bills become law, and follow the path of previous abortion restrictions that eventually became federal law, women may no longer be able to obtain a legal abortion when they're in most need."

[CN: Family separation; trauma; anti-immigrationism] This is a must-read from Tina Vasquez: "Family Separation: A Natural Byproduct of the U.S. Immigration System. There are millions of children in the United States born into households where one or more of their parents are undocumented—and thousands of these parents are deported each year."

[CN: Video may autoplay at link] In election news: "Hillary Clinton only needs 17 percent of remaining delegates to clinch nomination: Clinton won the Guam caucus on Saturday and now needs just 17 percent of the delegates at stake in upcoming contests to clinch the nomination. That means she could lose every single contest by a landslide and still be the nominee if all of her superdelegates continue to support her."

[CN: Misogyny] Green Party candidate Dr. Jill Stein unleashed a nasty, and unprecedented, attack on Hillary Clinton's commitment to "the values of being a mother" on Mothers' Day. There are a whole lot of things wrong with that, not least of which is the embedded implication that every mother has the same values. Not monolithizing mothers is one value that lots of moms probably have!

Donald Trump has chosen New Jersey Governor Chris Christie "to lead his White House transition team as he prepares for the general election campaign." Sounds about right.

[CN: Islamophobia] "Newly elected London Mayor Sadiq Khan said he wants to travel to the U.S. to collaborate with other mayors—but he won't be able to if Donald Trump wins the presidency. Khan, who was elected mayor last week after fending off racially charged attacks from his opponents, is Muslim. Trump, the presumed Republican nominee for U.S. president, has vowed to ban anyone practicing Islam from entering the United States. ...'I want to go to America to meet with and engage with American mayors. If Donald Trump becomes the president I'll be stopped from going there by virtue of my faith, which means I can't engage with American mayors and swap ideas.'" Welp.

This is awesome! "Viola Davis and Kerry Washington are Creating Production Companies: As a Black writer and viewer, I am overjoyed to learn that women who look like me and my friends are controlling our stories. From my writing classes, the television shows that I watch, and the movies that I see, I have learned that people both do not understand how to create diversity in their shows, and are not willing to listen or attempt to understand how to make their characters more realistic. Now, Davis and Washington are creating the opportunities that have been denied for decades, and we are all here for it."

[CN: Spoilers; misogyny] Did you watch the series finale of The Good Wife? I was underwhelmed! And kind of pissed! And also I liked some of it! Anyway. This piece by Megan Garber addresses some of my many complex thoughts about it.

US National Parks will begin selling naming rights. Ugh. Or, I dunno, we could raise taxes on wealthy people and corporations by a miniscule percentage?!

[CN: Moving GIF at link] And finally! "Stubborn Husky Throws Adorable Tantrum to Stay in the Bathtub." Ad advertised. LOL.

Open Wide...

In the News

Here is some stuff in the news today...

[Content Note: War; terrorism] "A U.S. Navy SEAL was killed Tuesday in an attack by Islamic State fighters in northern Iraq, highlighting the evolving nature of the Pentagon's mission in Iraq and how American troops are serving closer than ever to the front lines. The SEAL, an enlisted petty officer first class whose identity was withheld until family members were notified, was killed by enemy fire about 9:30 a.m., said U.S. military officials speaking on condition of anonymity because they were not authorized to release information publicly. ...It marks the third time a U.S. service member has been killed in combat since the U.S. military campaign against the Islamic State began June 2014." My condolences to the SEAL's family, friends, and colleagues.

[CN: Anti-choice terrorism] Another must-read from Jessica Mason Pieklo: "Dillard, Daleiden, and Dear: A Summer of Abortion Violence Trials Starts Now." I am so deeply grateful for all the work she and Imani Gandy do covering the legal aspects of the war on agency and anti-choice terrorism.

[CN: Misogyny] New Jersey Governor Chris Christie continues to be terrible: "New Jersey's lawmakers want to require employers to pay women the same as men for essentially the same work. But Gov. Chris Christie (R) thinks they went too far." Why? Because it actually addressed pay equity or comparable worth, i.e. requiring that women must be "paid equally if they're doing the same tasks in a different role," thus denying businesses the ability to pay women less by giving them a shittier job title, basically. "Christie specifically objected to this piece of the bill in his veto, calling it 'nonsensical' and saying that it 'makes New Jersey very business unfriendly.'" Of course he did.

[CN: Disablist language; discussion of bigotry] Donald Trump isn't actually "literally delusional" because he thinks beating Hillary Clinton will be "easy," but he is hilariously and aggressively wrong. And Greg Sargent makes a strong case for precisely why he is so hilariously and aggressively wrong.

[CN: Misogyny] GOOD FUCKING GRIEF: "How Bernie changed Hillary: Sanders has left a lasting imprint on Clinton's candidacy, even if few in her camp are willing to admit it." A+ Politico. If only her campaign videos from 2008 were available online to show what she was talking about then! OH WELL. (P.S. No, Bernie Didn't Make Hillary a Better Candidate; She Did That Herself.)

In related news: Here's a story about Hillary Clinton addressing some of her critics and their criticisms. And apologizing for using imprecise and scary language. And promising, with regard to protests outside the venue: "I will do whatever I can regardless of whether people are yelling at me and whether people are misrepresenting me or whether people are not looking at everything I say and taking something out of context. That's part of it, I understand that. But I'm gonna get up every single day trying to figure out what to do to help you provide the kind of future for your children that they deserve to have." Somehow, I don't think Bernie Sanders taught her to do any of that.

[CN: Racism] Another company (Old Navy) features an akyriarchetypical family (interracial) in an advert, and bigots (racists) lose their shit over it, but love wins as many families who look like the family in the ad (interracial) post pictures of themselves and thank the company (Old Navy) for recognizing their existence, prompting the company (Old Navy) to vow their commitment to diversity. It's a MadLib at this point, because bigots are so infuriatingly predictable. Just fill in the blanks.

Congratulations to Hamilton and Lin-Manuel Miranda and the cast and the crew and the fans and everyone !!! after the show made history by receiving 16 Tony nominations. Sixteen!!!

This is the most David Bowie thing ever: "David Bowie's final album, Blackstar, was a 'parting gift' to fans before his tragic death, according to his long-time producer Tony Visconti. ...Users of imgur, the image-sharing website, have discovered something quite touching about the vinyl edition of the album. If you leave take the gatefold sleeve, which contains the record (and which you'd be wise to remove first, lest you damage the record) and leave it in the sun, it transforms and depicts a different image. Instead of the titular black star, you're greeted by an entire galaxy." Blub.

Neat! "A Belgian-led team reported Monday that it's discovered three Earth-sized planets orbiting an ultra-cool dwarf star less than 40 light-years away. It's the first time planets have been found around this type of star—and it opens up new, rich territory in the search for extraterrestrial life. Because this star is so close and so faint, astronomers can study the atmospheres of these three temperate exoplanets and, eventually, hunt for signs of possible life. They're already making atmospheric observations, in fact, using NASA's Spitzer Space Telescope. The Hubble Space Telescope will join in next week. Altogether, it's a 'winning combination' for seeking chemical traces of life outside our solar system, said Massachusetts Institute of Technology researcher Julien de Wit, a co-author of the study, released by the journal Nature."

And finally! This made me laugh out loud SO HARD! "Hilarious Bulldog Repeatedly Rolls Herself Down a Hill." As advertised!

Open Wide...

In the News

Here is some stuff in the news today...

After failing to impress voters in Iowa and New Hampshire, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie is reportedly considering suspending his presidential campaign. Seeya.

[Content Note: Disablism; mental illness stigma; violation of workers' and students' rights] I don't even know where to begin with the clusterfuck going on at Mount St. Mary's: Basically, the new president decided he wanted to address the school's retention problem by targeting students who were at risk for dropping out, and instructed professors to flag students using questions from a mental health diagnostic survey. And then, when professors pushed back, they were shitcanned. What the everloving hell.

[CN: Police brutality; racism] Good grief: The Ferguson, Missouri, City Council voted Tuesday night "to rebuff a proposed agreement to reform its police department and court. The city proclaimed that the decision amounted to approving a consent decree that it had spent months negotiating with the department, arguing that seven suggested changes were among hundreds of requirements to which the city had agreed. But one of the proposed amendments would wipe out much of the decree in the event Ferguson disbanded its police force." Principal Deputy Assistant Attorney General Vanita Gupta, head of the Justice Department’s Civil Rights Division, is not happy: "The Ferguson City Council has attempted to unilaterally amend the negotiated agreement. Their vote to do so creates an unnecessary delay in the essential work to bring constitutional policing to the city, and marks an unfortunate outcome for concerned community members and Ferguson police officers. ...The Department of Justice will take the necessary legal actions to ensure that Ferguson's policing and court practices comply with the Constitution and relevant federal laws."

[CN: War on agency] At the Guttmacher Institute, Heather D. Boonstra details how anti-choicers alarmism about fetal tissue research "now threatens fetal tissue research itself," which is very concerning given that "medical research using human fetal tissue obtained from abortions has benefited millions of people worldwide and holds great promise for the continued advancement of basic science, as well as for the development of lifesaving vaccines and therapies."

This is amazing: "The Trust Black Women Partnership (TBW), a collective of Black women-led organizations and advocates, released a solidarity statement with Black Lives Matter (BLM) on Tuesday, reaffirming the shared roots of struggles for Black self-determination and bodily autonomy. The statement comes as movements to end state violence and secure reproductive justice continue to converge around the country. 'The Reproductive Justice movement, created in 1994, the Trust Black Women Partnership, created in 2010, and the Black Lives Matter movement, created in 2012, were created because the lives of Black people were in peril,' the statement reads. 'All were born out of a demand for the…liberation of Black people in this country. And all were born because of the leadership of Black women.' ...'Reproductive justice is very much situated within the Black Lives Matter movement,' [BLM co-founder Alicia Garza] said. 'This isn't just about the rights of women to be able to determine when and how and where to start families, but also our right to raise families, to raise children to become adults.'"

[CN: Homophobia] Goddammit: "South Dakota lawmakers have launched a full-blown attack on LGBT rights, passing two pieces of legislation this week that would do irreparable harm to the state's LGBT community. If signed into law, these two bills would legalize discrimination against LGBT citizens and ban transgender students from participating in high school athletics in a manner that is consistent with their gender identity."

[CN: Privacy violations] Um, what? "The US intelligence chief has acknowledged for the first time that agencies might use a new generation of smart household devices to increase their surveillance capabilities. ...James Clapper, the US director of national intelligence, was more direct in testimony submitted to the Senate on Tuesday as part of an assessment of threats facing the United States. 'In the future, intelligence services might use the [internet of things, e.g. remotely operated thermostats] for identification, surveillance, monitoring, location tracking, and targeting for recruitment, or to gain access to networks or user credentials,' Clapper said. Clapper did not specifically name any intelligence agency as involved in household-device surveillance. But security experts examining the internet of things take as a given that the US and other surveillance services will intercept the signals the newly networked devices emit, much as they do with those from cellphones." Terrific.

[CN: Racism] Another aspect of institutional racism within our justice [sic] system: "The rulings of Black judges are 10 percent more likely to be overturned than those of their white counterparts. ...Reversals are anything but inconsequential. They force judges to revisit old cases, while their everyday caseload keeps on filling the docket. Then, of course, there's the reputation hit—good luck getting promoted with an armful of overturned verdicts. Maybe that explains why there are so few dark-skinned arbiters on the appeals bench."

Donald Trump says he would easily beat Hillary Clinton in the general election. Okay, player.

"Aaron Sorkin Is Bringing To Kill a Mockingbird to Broadway." Nope!

And finally! "This Cat in a Cone Is Having a Fucking Awful Day." LOL awwwwww.

Open Wide...

In the News

Here is some stuff in the news today...

[Content Note: White supremacy; racist threats] Police have arrested the person who made a terroristic racist threat against the black students, faculty, and staff at Mizzou: "After University of Missouri (Mizzou) students and faculty successfully lobbied to push President Tim Wolfe and Chancellor R. Bowen Loftin out, the victory has been marred by anonymous threats against students of color. 'I'm going to stand my ground tomorrow and shoot every black person I see,' one anonymous YikYak user wrote Tuesday. Another warned people not to come to class. Campus police arrested someone who they say was posting threats with multiple accounts to YikYak Wednesday. ...MUPD released the name of the suspect Wednesday morning. They have arrested 19-year-old Hunter Parks, who is not a student at the university, for allegedly making terroristic threats on social media. He is being held on $4,500 bond at Boone County Jail." I repeat: The biggest terrorist threat in the US is white supremacy. Period.

[CN: Rape culture; anti-immmigrationism] In New Zealand, Prime Minister John Key went on a tirade in which he said that among the New Zealanders being detained by the Australian government are "rapists, some of them are child molesters, and some of them are murderers." He accused MPs who expressed concern about the detainees of "backing the rapists," and several female MPs took objection. "On Wednesday, Green party co-leader Metiria Turei told the Speaker that as a survivor of sexual violence she was deeply offended by Key's remarks: 'As the victim of a sexual assault, I take personal offence at the prime minister's comments, and ask that you require him to withdraw and apologise.' Her comments were echoed by Green MP Catherine Delahunty, who was told by the Speaker to stop and sit back down. When other female MPS, including Labour's Nanaia Mahuta, Clare Curran, and Megan Woods, along with Green MP Marama Davidson, repeated the call for Key to apologise with reference to their own assaults, Carter ordered them to stop... Despite the warning, MPs continued to stand to urge the Speaker to take action. Green MP Marama Davidson was then thrown out of the House, followed by Poto Williams." Got that? Female MPs stood up and publicly disclosed being sexually assaulted and were thrown out for it. Fucking hell.

[CN: Transphobia] This kid is terrific, even though I am so sad and angry he is obliged to say anything at all: "Twelve-year-old Evan Singleton has a message for anyone who questions his transgender status... 'I'd say, 'Well, you’re not the person to tell me who I am.' ...[T]hey have no right to come into my life and tell me what I need to do. That's what my parents are for, and my parents are doing a great job raising me. I do my chores, I clean my room, and I help out. Not to gloat, but I'm a great kid, I'm getting A's and B's in school, and they have no right to come telling us, our family, what to do.'" Kids today. Get ON my lawn!

[CN: Rape culture; child sex abuse; description of assault at link] I have a lot of complicated feelings about sex offender registries—especially around requiring registry of people convicted of statutory rape when the perpetrator is just over the age of consent and the victim is just under the age of consent and asserts it was consensual, and around the fact that registries tend to entrench the idea that children are more likely to be victimized by strangers—but I don't think that the current proposals to basically just abolish the registries do much good in addressing many of the valid concerns about the registries, especially when there isn't much else in place to handle offenders with a high rate of recidivism.

[CN: War on agency; hostility to consent and privacy] Carly Fiorina continues to be terrible: "Republican presidential hopeful Carly Fiorina is lending her support to the latest in a string of perennially unsuccessful California ballot measures to mandate parental notification for minors seeking abortion care in the Golden State. The California Supreme Court struck down a forced parental notification law nearly 20 years ago and similar ballot measures have repeatedly failed to win sufficient signatures or votes. But this go-around, the former Hewlett-Packard chief is backing a new ballot measure in robocalls to Californians." Fuck's sake.

[CN: Guns; domestic violence] Meanwhile: "Republican presidential candidate Gov. Chris Christie of New Jersey conditionally vetoed a bill on Nov. 9 which would have banned those convicted of domestic violence and individuals subject to a domestic violence restraining order from owning a gun. In his rejection message, Christie suggested harsher penalties for perpetrators of domestic violence and making it easier for victims to buy guns." Unfuckingbelievable.

Oh, Jeb! You know you're the candidate of the future when you get the coveted Bob Dole endorsement. Woof.

Neat! "Astronomers have identified the most distant object yet in the Solar System. Observations with Japan's Subaru telescope reveal the likely icy body to be some 15.5 billion km from the Sun—about three times further away than even far-flung Pluto. Scientists say their initial studies suggest that the object—catalogued as V774104—is some 500-1,000km across. It will need to be tracked over time to learn the shape and extent of its orbit through the Solar System."

Yessssssssss: "David Bowie Releases Extended 'Blackstar' Snippet: 'Last Panthers' preview offers 90-second glimpse at singer's throbbing, darkly orchestral new album title track."

And finally! Happy Bunny is happy! Aww lol.

Open Wide...

An Observation

[Content Note: Oppression; dehumanization.]

A funny thing happens every time I write something defending Chris Christie against fat hatred, or Sarah Palin against misogyny, or Dr. Ben Carson against racism, or any conservative from a marginalized population against prejudice and mockery on the basis of their identity.

I get a comment from some self-identified progressive, somewhere, telling me I'm wrong to defend them. That I'm hurting the cause. (What is "the cause," then?) That those conservatives wouldn't defend me in return. (As if I didn't know.)

Now, obviously these dispatches are indicative of a fundamental misunderstanding of how oppression works. This is social justice 101 stuff: Marginalizing people based on their identities only works (so to speak) because it monolithizes entire populations.

The reason fat jokes are used against Chris Christie is because they are shorthand that invokes shitty narratives against all fat people. And thus all fat people are harmed by those jokes used against any of us, because they are designed to demean all of us. Demeaning all of us is what gives those jokes their power.

But, additionally, the comments about how I shouldn't waste my time defending conservatives against bias reflect something rather more horrible than failing to understand the most basic tenets of social justice: The reason I defend anyone against bias is because they are people deserving of the dignity that one is afforded by judging them on their actions and policies, rather than judging them based on their identities.

The suggestion that someone does not deserve that defense because they are conservative necessarily rests in robbing them of their humanity.

Othering each other—progressives vs. conservatives, Blue States vs. Red States, Democrats vs. Republicans—is intrinsic to US politics, underwritten by this intractable two-party system. (Even though many of us don't have beliefs that fit neatly, or at all, into either party.) And that othering inevitably leads to dehumanization.

I resist that. I can see my ideological components as human beings, and I can still disagree with them vehemently on just about everything.

I don't know if I share a single political position in common with Chris Christie, but that doesn't prevent me from seeing him as a human being. Even if it prevents him from seeing me as one. Someone respecting my humanity isn't a prerequisite for my respecting theirs.

I expect more. Of myself.

And I can hold these two thoughts in my head at the same time: Chris Christie is a human being, and Chris Christie is a bully who espouses horrendo nightmare policy.

And yeah, I know he would not afford me the same consideration. But I aspire to do better than Chris Christie, not race him to the bottom.

Open Wide...

Have You Heard Chris Christie Is Fat?

[Content Note: Fat hatred; bullying.]

I have been covering for a very long time the fat hatred that is routinely wielded against Republican New Jersey Governor Chris Christie, despite the fact that, as is probably quite evident, I am not a fan of his politics, to put it politely.

I challenge fat hatred being directed at Christie out of my own self-interest, and on behalf of other fat people, because fat hatred kills, and because subsituting fat hatred for legitimate policy criticisms is bad politics.

One of the biggest repeat offenders is "Nicest Guy in Show Business" Jimmy Fallon, host of The Tonight Show, on whose stage Christie has appeared a number of times. Virtually every time Fallon mentions Christie in his monologue, he makes a fat joke about him. When I was still watching the show, often I would see Fallon make a fat joke and then insist that Christie is a "good sport" about them to his audience.

But Christie has pushed back on Fallon's fat jokes on a number of occasions. During a "Slow Jamming the News" segment, video of which doesn't seem to be available anywhere, Fallon made a fat joke, to which Christie responded: "It hurts. So step off, brother." Fallon replied with yet another fat joke: "Isn't that what your scale says every night?"

Earlier this year, Christie appeared on The Tonight Show, and started out the segment by pushing back on the fat jokes:

Fallon: Thanks for coming on the show!

Christie: Oh sure. [Fallon laughs heartily] I feel like I'm on the show every night. [Christie is referring to the constant monologue jokes; Fallon laughs loudly] I'm tired, man! Oh geez.

Fallon: Thank you so much. No, you're great— You're a good sport.

Christie: Yeah, sure. [rolls his eyes; puts up his hand to create a division between himself and Fallon]

Fallon: And you look great. You look great. You look great.

Christie: Wait a second! If I look great, what the hell with all the jokes every night?!

Fallon: [laughs] What are you talking about?! [crosstalk] No, you do look great. Do you feel good?

Christie: Yeah, sure.

Fallon: I know you're working out.

Christie: Sure.

Fallon: You do?

Christie: Absolutely. [audience laughter; Christie turns to the audience] Stop laughing up there! [huge audience laughter] I got all your names, too! Be careful! [Fallon laughs]

Fallon: I wanna— I gotta thank you for all the material.

Christie: [laughs mirthlessly] As well you should!
The rest of the segment is Fallon introducing Christie to The Tonight Show's new ice cream flavor, and Christie trying it, pretending to refuse to share it with Fallon, and then giving it an over-the-top endorsement as "the greatest ice cream ever," when Fallon accuses him of failing to show sufficient enthusiasm for it.

As much as Christie is a "good sport" about fat jokes being told at his expense every night and being bullied right to his face even as he tries to push back against it, it's because that's the only allowable response from fat people when thin people mock and shame us under the auspices of "jokes." We aren't allowed to be hurt or angry, certainly not on a platform like the stage of The Tonight Show, because then we invite ridicule and hostility for being "too sensitive" and "humorless."

Last night, Fallon again made a fat joke right to Christie's face:


The segment begins with Christie talking about attending the Fourth of July Parade in Wolfeboro, New Hampshire, and staying, along with his wife MaryPat and Senator Marco Rubio and his wife Jeanette, at Mitt and Ann Romney's holiday home in the area. He starts an anecdote about how Mitt Romney decided everyone should all go on a boat ride after dinner. The entire anecdote is basically that, during the boat ride, Romney suggested they stop for ice cream, but none of the dudes had any money with them, so Ann Romney says, "Don't worry, would-be Presidents: I have it handled."

But the story gets interrupted halfway through (at 1:20 in the above clip), as Christie says: "[Romney] says, 'Okay, let's go for ice cream!' All right. So we get off the boat, and he turns to me and he goes—" Fallon interrupts him: "First of all, you weren't like 'All right.' You were like 'YAHOOOOO!'" Fallon pumps his fist in the air and bounces in his chair. He looks at Christie with a huge grin, but also, recognizable to any fat person who has ever been in this position, a challenging grin.

Christie gives him a blank look for a second, then gets up and pretends to walk offstage. "Goodnight, everybody!" he says, waving to the audience. He walks toward the curtain, waving and bowing, as though he's going to leave. The band begins to play him off. Fallon laughs and shouts at him to come back. Christie returns, and, as he's sitting back down, Fallon says, "It's a good story! I just want to make sure we're both telling the truth."

Christie says: "I gotta tell you something: If I ever leave public life, you're gonna have to hire two writers just to replace the garbage you say about me." Fallon laughs uproariously. "It's unbelievable," says Christie. He is being a "good sport," playing like it's all a gag, but, well, any of us who have been there know it's not.

This, on a day when the big news story about Chris Christie is that he wants to tag immigrants like FedEx packages. If there is something for which Christie deserves mockery, it's that.

His being fat has fuck-all to do with his loathsome politics. But addressing him on policy takes more work—it's harder to craft a joke about policy than roll out another fat joke—and it keeps Fallon and Christie on an equal playing field, where Christie might get the better of the host.

But a thin guy making fat jokes? Well, he'll always win. That is a game from which Christie can never emerge the victor. At best, he can be a "good sport" about being obliged to play a game he cannot win.

I don't want Chris Christie to be president. But I don't want him to lose like this. Not because he's the object of scorn for being fat.

I want him to lose for the right reason: Because his policies are fundamentally indecent.

And I want Fallon (and everyone else) to knock off the fat jokes because they are fundamentally indecent, too.

Open Wide...

Your Republican Party

[Content Note: Anti-immigrationism; racism.]

Insert eleventy million articles here about how Donald Trump is destroying the Republican Party, despite the fact that his extremist views are totally in line with the other candidates' positions. Here, for example, is Trump's fellow GOP candidate and New Jersey Governor Chris Christie at a townhall event in New Hampshire, on August 29, talking about tracking documented immigrants like FedEx packages:


Video Description: Chris Christie stands with a microphone in a room full of people, all of whom appear to be white and most of whom are elderly. Behind him is one of his campaign posters. He walks back and forth as he says: "Do you find it ironic, as I do, that if this morning, let's say, one of you have a child at college. They just left for college, like our daughter Sarah just did, to go back to Notre Dame last week. And, invariably, we will get a call from her in the next week or two, saying, 'Oh I forgot...this.' Fill in the blank, whatever it is. 'And I need it tomorrow!' So, we'll go to FedEx, right? And we'll package it up, and we'll drop that package at FedEx, and you can go online, and, at any moment, FedEx can tell you where that package is. It's on the truck, it's at the station, it's on the airplane, it's back at another station, it's back on the truck, it's at a doorstep. She just signed for it. Yet, we let people come to this country with visas, and the minute they come in, we lose track of 'em. We can't— So here's what I'm gonna do as president: I'm gonna ask Fred Smith, the founder of FedEx, come work for the government for three months. [laughter] Just come for three months to Immigration and Customs Enforcement and show these people— 'Cuz guess what? Of the eleven million people who are here illegally, forty percent of them didn't come in over the southern border. Forty percent of them came in legally with a visa and overstayed their visa. We need to have a system that tracks you from the moment you come in, and then, when your time is up, whether it's three months or six months or nine months or twelve months, or however long your visa is, then we go get you and tap you on the shoulder and say, 'Excuse me, thanks for coming, time to go.'"

* * *

First of all, FedEx loses packages. Secondly, the reason, of course, that FedEx knows where most packages are at all times is because they are inanimate objects with trackers embedded on them that are scanned at every point in their short journey.

The only way to accomplish what Christie is suggesting is to treat every documented immigrant like someone on house arrest with an ankle bracelet or some other form of tracker. Or, perhaps, he would like them to wear collars that shock them if they try to pass over the electric fence around enclosures in which he'll retain them during their stay.

Not only is Christie's proposal objectionable just for its sheer dehumanization, but embedded within his narrative is this contemptible idea that most immigrants only come to the United States either with nefarious purposes or because they are desperate for everything the US has to offer them. And, yes, some people come to this country for those reasons. (There are plenty of people born as citizens who have the same objectives.)

But lots and lots of the people who enter this country on visas come as students or employees with specialized skills. Some of them are researchers or doctors or tech developers or teachers, or artists or musicians or actors, or any one of a number of people whose presence in this country is a gift to us.

Many other people come on travel visas and extend the legally allotted stay because they are seeking amnesty. Not because they want to harm people here, but because they want to escape harm in their countries of birth.

And, let me also note, as someone who spent years navigating the tangled web of Escherian nightmares that is the US immigration system, it's extremely easy to fuck something up. Also? You can do your absolute best to keep the ICE informed when you change address, but (I hope you're sitting down for this shocking news) they're not always great at updating their records, even when you, in good faith, try to make sure they know where the fuck you are at all times, because you don't want to miss crucial communications from them.

Maybe before Christie shoots tracking devices into the necks of people who immigrate to the US, he could try securing funding for the ICE for better computers and more staff. Just a thought.

But naturally "the federal government needs more money to do a better job" isn't quite the red meat for which conservatives are slavering. They want to hear all about how terrible these dirty immigrants are and how they try to cheat the system and ruin the country.

On behalf of our family, created via immigration: Fuck off, Chris Christie. And take your disgusting base with you.

Open Wide...

Primarily Speaking

image of unoccupied podiums on a stage set for a presidential debate

Are you all SO EXCITED for the FIRST REPUBLICAN PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE which will happen in a mere TWO DAYS in Cleveland?! And which will feature the TOP TEN of the fully SEVENTEEN candidates, as determined by polls in which Donald Trump is currently leading because of course he is?! If you are SO EXCITED that you can barely contain your OVERFLOWING ENTHUSIASM, please check this box: □

Based on the polling criteria Fox is using to determine which ten bozos can appear at the debate, it looks like the ten likely debators will be: Donald Trump, Jeb Bush, Scott Walker, John Kasich, Marco Rubio, Ted Cruz, Mike Huckabee, Chris Christie, Ben Carson, and Rand Paul. Good fucking grief. What a line-up.

Depending on the results of the most recent polling, it looks like Kasich is going to edge out Rick Perry. SO SORRY, RICK PERRY! You really might as well drop out now, dude, seriously, because you've got way more name recognition than Kasich, so that means people are actively not choosing you at this point. Go home. Take a nap.

Anyway.

Here are the quick hits...

[Content Note: Violent rhetoric] New Jersey Governor Chris Christie again demonstrated his fine diplomatic skills over the weekend by calling the national teachers' union "the single most destructive force in public education in America" who deserves to get punched in the face. This fucking guy.

[CN: Classism] Something something Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker something something lots of credit card debt. Okay. I dunno, y'all. This strikes me a lot like the "Scott Walker didn't graduate from college" stuff. And it's coming from his own side of the aisle. Every Republican candidate wants to position themselves as "outside the elite," but then when there is a guy who shares in common some pretty typical things with people genuinely outside the elite, they scoff at him. I see you, Republicans.

Walker is a terrible governor who finds his policies at the bottom of a garbage dump in Indiana, so I don't really care if he's got credit card debt and doesn't have a PhD in Kochology or whatever.

This was just a real thing trending on Twitter last night:

screen cap of a trending item on Twitter reading: 'Ted Cruz shows how to cook bacon with machine gun'

Sure.

On the other side of the aisle, Vice President Joe Biden is reportedly still thinking about running for president. Okay.

Talk about these things! Or don't. Whatever makes you happy. Life is short.

Open Wide...

"Fat" Is Not a Valid Criticism of Chris Christie

[Content Note: Fat hatred.]

Earlier this afternoon, I did a bunch of tweeting about using fat hatred against Republican presidential candidate Chris Christie. If you're not on Twitter, or if you missed them, you can view those tweets, as well as some older tweets I've done on the same subject, which I compiled into this Storify.

Basically:

screen cap of a tweet authored by me reading: 'A person being fat doesn't tell you anything about their character. Your believing otherwise certainly tells me something about yours, tho.'

Here is a place for discussion of this subject.

Open Wide...

In the News

Here is some stuff in the news today...

[Content Note: Plane crash; death] Terrible news: "More than 100 people were feared dead after a military transport plane ploughed into a residential area shortly after take-off in northern Indonesia on Tuesday, in what may be the deadliest accident yet for an air force with a long history of crashes. 'For the moment we know there were 113 people (on board). It looks like there are no survivors,' Air Marshal Agus Supriatna told Metro TV in the Sumatra city of Medan, adding that some of the passengers were air force families." I feel so desperately sad for people who lost loved ones and colleagues in the crash, especially since there is a good chance it could have been avoided with better safety practices.

[CN: Sexual violence; torture; death] A new report from the UN mission in the Republic of South Sudan has "warned of 'widespread human rights abuses,' including gang-rape and torture in a report based on 115 victims and eyewitnesses from the northern state of Unity, scene of some of the heaviest recent fighting in the 18-month-long civil war. The military, the Sudan People's Liberation Army (SPLA), launched a major offensive against rebel forces in April, with fierce fighting in Unity state's northern Mayom district, once a key oil-producing area." The civil war has displaced more than 100,000 people, and the South Sudan army has committed terrible atrocities, including raping then burning girls alive inside their homes. It has been extremely difficult to intervene: "The UN said it had tried to visit the sites of the atrocities described by witnesses, but was routinely denied access by the army."

[CN: Police brutality; racism] The Justice Department has found, as we all saw with our own damn eyes, that police in Ferguson, Missouri, violated protesters' rights and escalated violence: "A DOJ document obtained by the Post-Dispatch faults Ferguson police for their aggressive response to protesters last August. In a summary of its third Ferguson report, which is soon to be released, the DOJ contends officers from Ferguson, St. Louis County, St. Louis and Missouri Highway Patrol 'violated citizens' right to assembly and free speech, as determined by a U.S. federal court injunction.'"

[CN: War on agency] Fucking hell: "In a city of 700,000 people, Franz Theard is one of a kind: a doctor who performs abortions. He runs El Paso's sole remaining abortion provider, the Hilltop Women's Reproductive Clinic. Like other clinics in Texas, it was 48 hours away from being forced to stop offering abortions but was reprieved on Monday by the US supreme court's decision to allow facilities that don't meet the state's strict new standards to remain open while the justices consider whether to take the case on appeal. The vote keeps Hilltop fully operational at least through the summer, but Theard is unsure about the longer term. Even if the requirements—that clinics qualify as ambulatory surgical centers and doctors have admitting privileges at a nearby hospital—are struck down by the supreme court, he worries that it will be impossible to find a successor willing to work in a hostile and isolated environment."

[CN: War on agency; misogynist terrorism] Relatedly, the indispensable Robin Marty has just written a new piece about how the "harassment of doctors, legislation limiting where they live and work, and a slew of model bills that open them up to potential felony charges if a mistake is made while terminating a pregnancy" is creating a shortage of abortion providers.

[CN: Racism] This story about "How a Hawaiian mountaintop became a battleground between native activists and astronomers" is fucking incredible. By which I mean: Rage-making. I can't even believe (I can totally believe) how hostile scientists are being to native Hawaiians. And straight-up racist shitlords. You know how much I love love love space exploration done through mega-telescopes, since I post about it virtually every day, but FUCK THIS. Exploring the stars cannot come at the expense of being decent people on terra firma.

[CN: Anti-vaxxing] Welp: "California lawmakers have passed a bill that would impose one of the strictest school vaccination laws in the US. It would require most schoolchildren to be vaccinated against diseases including measles and whooping cough. Governor Jerry Brown must now decide whether to sign the bill, which has faced fierce criticism from some parents' groups, into law. ...Parents opposed to the bill have vowed to take legal action, even though the issue has been upheld in court, including by the Supreme Court. They argue that some vaccines are unsafe and claim the legislation is eliminating informed consent and trampling on parental rights." Children with health issues preventing them from getting vaccinated would be exempted by the law. I said pretty much all I'll ever say about this shit here.

[CN: Homophobia] Democratic Senator Elizabeth Warren has words for Republican Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker, who has been calling for a federal amendment to undermine the Supreme Court's marriage ruling: "Well, Scott Walker, if you believe the next president's job is to encourage bigotry and to treat some families better than others, then I believe it is our job to make sure you aren't president." TELL HIM!

[CN: Homophobia] "A county clerk in Arkansas plans to resign effective Tuesday because of a moral objection to issuing same-sex marriage licenses. Cleburne County Clerk Dana Guffey said Monday she has notified the county judge of her plans to resign. She says she has a moral objection to issuing the marriage licenses following Friday's U.S. Supreme Court ruling legalizing gay marriages nationwide." Good decision! Bye!

Something something Chris Christie blah blah president. Also: He loves to lie. A lot.

These shooooooooooooooooooes! OMG SHOES!

[CN: Disablist language] Robert Zemeckis wants no part of any Back to the Future remakes, reboots, retools, reimaginings, or anything else! So you'll just have to wait until he's dead. If you really want one. Or, you know, just watch the classics. (Controversial!)

And finally! Uggy the French Bulldog Puppy playing in the sand! Squeeeee!

Open Wide...