Leslie Jones Has Your Back

Ghostbuster Leslie Jones made an appearance on Saturday Night Live's Weekend Update to say a few words to the men — and women — passing anti-abortion legislation on the state level. And to let the women in those states know that they aren't alone. I love this message eleventy-seven times as much as telling people to "move." This is the message we need: WE HAVE YOUR BACK. Because reproductive choice is FREEDOM.

Video Transcript: Weekend Update anchor Colin Jost, a white man, sits at the Update desk. Leslie Jones, a Black woman, soon joins him.

Jost: This week, Alabama passed a near-total ban on abortion, in what many say is part of a larger effort to overturn Roe v. Wade. Here to comment is our own Leslie Jones!

[audience cheers and applause; Jones comes out wearing a white bonnet and red cape a la The Handmaid's Tale. ]

Jones: Hoooooo! Yesssssss! Blessed be the fruit, Colin.

Jost: Are you in a Handmaid's Tale outfit?

Jones: Well, basically, we're all handmaids now — so my name is actually Ofjost. [laughter] But I don't know how good of a babymaker I'm gonna be, because my eggs is dusty as hell! [laughter] But I'll give it a shot!

Jost: I don't think, Leslie — I don't think society's quite there yet.

Jones: No? You would think that, right? [tears off bonnet and cape to reveal a black t-shirt reading MINE in big white letters and a downward pointing arrow; audience cheers] You would think that. But this is how it starts. I'm out living my life, then I see on the news a bunch of states are trying to ban abortion — and then tell me what I can and can't do with my body. Next thing you know, I'm in Starbucks, and they won't take my credit card because I'm a woman, instead of the regular reason which is I don't have no money on it. [laughter]

And what made me so mad [squeezes fists] was seeing the twenty-five Alabama senators who voted for the abortion ban. Throw that picture up. [image of 25 white male legislators; audience boos] Look at 'em. All men. This look like the casting call for a Lipitor commercial. [laughter] This look like the mugshots of everyone arrested at a massage parlor. [laughter] And if any of 'em had lips, I would tell them to kiss my entire ass. [laughter]

You can't control women! [audience cheers and applause] You can't control women! Because, uh, I don't know if y'all heard, but women are the same as humans! [cheers] And I'm Leslie Dracarys Jones! [applause]

I mean, why do alla these weird-ass men care about what women choose to do with they bodies, anyway?! I don't care what you do witchyo sixty-five-year-old droopy-ass balls! [laughter]

And how is Alabama's woman governor going along with this? WHAT?! You not rebel— Me? I'm rebellious from the top! When people tell me "good morning," I say, "No it's not. You don't know my morning. [laughter] Don't take away my choice to have a bad morning."

Because when women have a choice, women have FREEDOM!!! [cheers and applause]

Jost: That's right.

[Jones snaps her fingers repeatedly as the audience continues to cheer]

Jost: That's right. You tell 'em, Leslie!

[Jones turns on Jost and looks at him with contempt]

Jones: SHUT UP! [laughter] Ya flat white privilege latte. [laughter; Jones turns back to the camera] Look, the fact that nine states are doing this means this really is a war on women. [NB: And anyone who can get pregnant.] And if you're a woman out there and you feel scared or confused, just know that you're not alone. There's so many women out there that got your back — especially me, Leslie Dracarys That Bitch Jones! [cheers and applause]

You can't tell me what to do with my body. You can't make me small, or put me in a box. I'm six feet tall and two hundred and thirty-three pounds. [cheers] Ain't no box big enough to hold me!

And I know, 'cuz, uh, one time I tried to mail myself to a dude. [laughter]

Jost: Leslie Jones, everyone! [cheers and applause]

Jones: DRACARYS!!!

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