In case you missed it, Saturday Night Live aired a digital short this weekend called "Girl at a Bar," and it was pretty amazing. It's not really a comedy sketch so much as it is a straight-up documentary about lots of progressive women's experience with an enormous number of men who purport to be feminist allies.
Video Description: A young thin white woman is at a crowded bar, speaking into her cellphone. She leaves a message for a friend, telling her she'll wait for her at the bar. She takes a seat at the bar and looks around for her friend. A young thin white man in a checked button-down shirt and grey hoodie asks her if the seat beside her is taken. "I'm not like a gross guy trying to hit on you or anything," he assures her. "Believe me, I know this place is filled with skeezy guys."
"I think the whole world is," she responds. "I think one is our president," he says. She laughs and tells him not to remind her. They introduce themselves and he compliments her t-shirt, which reads "The Future Is Female." He opens his button-down to show he's wearing the same t-shirt. She says, "On behalf of all women, we thank you so much for your support."
He asks her if she'd maybe want to hang out sometime. She politely says, "No thank you." To which he responds by yelling, "Okay, bitch! I wear this shirt and you won't even let me—" Another young thin white guy interrupts him by yanking him away. He takes the guy's seat. "What a nightmare!" he says. She agrees. He asks her if she's okay and she says she's fine.
He asks her if she's from "around here," then quickly adds, "Sorry, I didn't mean that in, like, a skeevy, where-do-you-live sort of way." She says she's from D.C. and he says he was just there for the Women's March. He says he rented a bus and went down with a bunch of people: "It was honestly one of the best days of my life."
She says he's very nice and he asks if she wants to come to his place. "Oh, uh, no thank you," she responds politely. "Bitch," he says. "What?!" she exclaims. He jumps up and humps at her: "I freaking marched for you and you won't get down on this?!" She cried out, "Eww!" and another young thin white guy removes him and takes his place.
"Guys like that," he says, "are why we need a woman in the White House. Enough of us men, right? We had our shot." She chuckles. He says he worked for Hillary, and she says she loves Hillary. "Hey, can I ask you a question since we both love Hillary?" he asks. She says sure. "Would you wanna look at my balls?" he says. "Eww no!" she exclaims. "Bitch," he says, pointing at her. "What?" she says. "Bitch," he says, pointing at her. "What? she says. "PLEASE!" he yells. "BUT IT'S NOT FAIR!"
Another young thin white guy tells him to move along and then takes his place. This guy is wearing a crocheted pussy hat and a vest covered in feminist buttons. "I'm so sorry about my fellow man," he says. She doesn't even have time to respond before he asks if she follows Kamala Harris on Twitter. "Yeah I do," she says. "Do you wanna eat my butt?" he asks. "No!" she says. "BITCH!" he screams.
Her friend, a young fat white woman, shows up and removes him and takes his seat. She says she's so glad to see her. "I love you." "You do? Touch my tit!" "No!" "BIIIIIIITCH!"
* * *
The end is weak, although I get the attempt at absurdity.
It will never cease to be amazing to me how dudes who wrap themselves in feminism in order to prey on women, and who feel entitled to attention and sex from women in exchange for little else than bragging about their supposed feminist credentials, imagine themselves to be somehow different from pick-up artists who use some other collection of deceits in order to try to bed women on false premises.
I don't know if any of my closest male friends, including my husband, have ever said: "I'm a feminist." If they have, it's been rare enough that I don't remember it. They don't have to say it. They show me, by making themselves trustworthy and practicing feminism, every day.
[Related Reading: Feminism 101: Helpful Hints for Dudes, Part 8.]