Mods Get to See the Darnedest Things

The Wicked Witch of Planned Parenthood peered out from behind her curtains at the fresh-faced Bernie Bro who had fallen into the Mod Queue Moat. He had a shiny Establishment Slayer CommentTM in hand, and was furiously shouting "BERNIEWOULDA."

"Delicious," she thought, and she was rather peckish after having destroyed the country through her selfish concern for civil, identity politics. And so she opened the door, fished him out of the Mod Queue, and brought him inside the castle.

And he, totally sure he was gonna slay that evil establishment witch with his (not only shiny but BRILLIANT) Slayer Comment, opened his mouth and said:

Bernie would have won. The great mistake was pushing a popular candidate to the side while promoting someone who could never win, one of the most hated figures in American politics. The people who put trump in the WH were the people who denied Bernie the nomination. Guess what? We will get over it, and we will move forward. Sad to say so many of the Clintonistas would rather wallow in their own smug hubris than admit they made a mistake. Refusing to get over it, isn't that a sign of mental illness? We all lost, and those who supported Clinton were the reason. You made a huge mistake, now admit it and grow up.

Having finished, he looked at the Witch expectantly, then puzzledly. For she did not burst into flames, nor melt into a puddle, nor even fall at his feet accepting his superior masculine wisdom and keen political analysis.

Instead, the mean old Obviously Establishment Witch laughed. She laughed! At him!

"Ohhhhh, welcome to my castle, my moppet, my poppet. My pretty. My pigsnie." And the fresh-faced Bro was very confused, and then a little scared as he looked around the castle for the first time and saw the giant bags hanging from the wall, labeled, "BERNIE RECEIPTS." Only then did he notice that this was Castle Shakesville.

And as the witch released the bag of receipts down upon him and his Totally Slayer Comment (magically revealing its true nature—a steaming pile of bull) he had just time to think "Maybe this was the wrong place to pull that shit" before she ate him alive.

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