Sir Donald Trump has been promising threatening to jump into the Clown Car for months now, and it looks like he's finally going to clamber aboard, with quite a flourish:
Donald J. Trump, the billionaire real estate mogul, on Tuesday will release a summary of assets that total about $9 billion as part of his likely entry into the race for the Republican presidential nomination, according to people familiar with his plans.

The two-page document — to be published after he holds a political rally at Trump Tower in New York — will provide a valuation of his hotels and other properties. It also will show hundreds of millions in cash on hand and an outline of his debts, these people said.

Trump's speech announcing his decision is likely to center on his career and fortune. He is expected to cast himself as an entrepreneur and outsider who is eager to tangle with the party establishment and U.S. economic rivals abroad, such as China.

The financial statement drafted by his office is aimed at demonstrating his success as a businessman...

Earlier this month, Trump told Fox Business Network that he is ready for reporters to scrutinize his holdings. "I've had great success. My statements are phenomenal," he said. "I get my financial statements very early, actually. I put tremendous amounts of people to work, I've negotiated against the best in the world, including countries, and I've come out on top."

Trump also recently made headlines when he told the Des Moines Register that he would be the "most successful person ever to run for president."

"Ross Perot isn't successful like me. Romney was — I have a Gucci store that's worth more money than Romney," Trump said.
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL. "And I have a platinum shoe horn that's worth more money than Rand Paul!"

In all seriousness, everyone keeps saying that the Republican field is full of candidates who are virtually indistinguishable from one another, and Trump throwing his hat in the ring means that at least there will finally be a candidates who distinguishes himself. Unlike all the other candidates, who have to rely on handouts, Trump is his own billionaire financier.


Okay, that wasn't very serious. In my defense, there is literally nothing serious that can be said about Donald Trump, because he is a very unserious dipshit who, when he isn't busy firing Z-list celebrities on his goofball reality show, can be found tweeting his horreno fuckthoughts on his trash-filled Twitter account. He is a stingy, ignorant, exploitative, ruthless scoundrel who has all the privilege in the world and uses it for naught to collect wealth as though his retirement plan is to be a dragon sleeping on a tumbling pile of rubies and gold coins.

Still, you know I am nothing if not generous, so I have designed a logo for Lord Trump's campaign that I believe will really resonate with the American public, and he is welcome to use it free of charge.

image of a gold toilet with a US flag toilet seat featuring a bald eagle, to which I've added text reading: 'TRUMP 2016' and Donald Trump's iconic pursed-lip face is just peeking in from one corner


Shakesville is run as a safe space. First-time commenters: Please read Shakesville's Commenting Policy and Feminism 101 Section before commenting. We also do lots of in-thread moderation, so we ask that everyone read the entirety of any thread before commenting, to ensure compliance with any in-thread moderation. Thank you.

blog comments powered by Disqus