Film Corner: Legend

[Content Note: Violence.]

Remember when Tom Cruise made a fantasy film in the '80 with Mia Sara, whom we probably all know best as Sloane Peterson from Ferris Bueller's Day Off, and Tim Curry, who played the Devil I MEAN DARKNESS because of course he did, and it was directed by Ridley Scott (huh?) and it was called Legend, and there was so much pollen from sparkleflowers floating in the air?

This is not that movie. This is a different movie called Legend.

And this movie called Legend—which could have been called The Last of the Famous International Playboys or Fuck You, Spandau Ballet (these are esoteric but terrific references) (look them up!) (or don't)—is about the Kray Brothers, Reggie and Ronnie, who were hot twin gangsters in London in the 1960s, and it stars Tom Hardy playing both of them.

LITERALLY JUST TWO TOM HARDYS ONSCREEN AT ONCE.

I repeat: Two Tom Hardys.

That's fully 100% more Tom Hardy than you usually get in a Tom Hardy movie!

Here is the teaser trailer for Legend starring two Tom Hardys, and it will probably not be my finest trailer work, both because teaser trailers are always full of quick-edit montagery and because all the blood is gone from my brain AND I AM SORRY.


Video Description: Guitar music. London at night. Text onscreen: "This year." Tom Hardy in '60s glasses smoking a cigarette and the smoke curls around his face. Tom Hardy without glasses struts down a street. Text onscreen: "Witness the true story." A young white lady lying in a bed. Tom Hardy without glasses looking surly and walking somewhere. Text onscreen: "Of the twins who ruled a city." Tom Hardy standing at a window in what looks like a fancy hotel room, looking out over the city at dusk.

"Me and my bruvah," says Tom Hardy in voiceover. Two Tom Hardys (TWO! TOM! HARDYS!) in the back seat of a swanky car. "We're gonna rule London," Tom Hardy says in voiceover. A police officer looks at a board covered in pictures of the Toms Hardy. HE HAS THE BEST JOB IN THE WORLD!

"These are the Kray twins," a man's voice says, and some dude sitting in a chair at a desk looks behind him to see the Toms Hardy sitting in chairs behind him, rather menacingly. "Ronald and Reginald."

Car in a forest. The lady at a casino. The two Tom Hardys drinking and smoking and things, always wearing the best '60s suits OMG. Punching. Pistol. Newspaper headlines. The Toms Hardy sitting in court in a defendants' box, just sitting there next to each other, looking pissed as hell.


The Toms Hardy look at each other. The police officer runs through hung laundry in the street. Dancing with the lady. Pistol at a pub. Lady in the mirror. Stacks of cash. Tom Hardy without glasses in prison. The Toms Hardy posing for a picture. The street at night. More quick-edit montagery of dark rooms and fights and gangster stuff.

Text onscreen: "LEGEND." Text onscreen: "Tom Hardy." Tom Hardy with glasses in a car smoking. Text onscreen: "Tom Hardy." Tom Hardy without glasses in a car not smoking. Text onscreen: "In cinemas September 11."

DEAR MR. FANDANGO ONE TICKET PLZ THANK U.

Two Tom Hardys, y'all. TWO.