Of Course

Maybe you've heard that Hillary Clinton is presumed to be running for president. Perhaps you've also heard that she shouldn't be running for president. Or should have announced by now if she is. And is ruining everything for the men who want to run, unless she's running. Maybe you've heard that she'll ruin her party, and the very country, if she doesn't run, but also that she'll ruin her party, and the very country, if she does. She needs to get her ass in the game and run. She needs to take her boobs and go home.

There is a chance you've also heard that the Republicans want her to run, because they're convinced they'll trounce her. And also that the Republicans don't want her to run, because they're convinced they can't beat her.

I imagine an awful lot of stuff has gone into Hillary Clinton's decision to run for president, and when to announce her candidacy. (Presuming she does, which seems increasingly likely.) I also imagine Republicans' opinion is not among that stuff.

But when has their irrelevance on any subject stopped them? (Never. The answer is never.) So, they're jumping into the Tell Hillary Clinton What to Do Circus, in order to try to preemptively attack her, and also to try to force her to announce earlier than she wants, because HOLY SHIT DO US A FAVOR HILLARY AND TAKE THE FOCUS OFF OUR SHITTY CANDIDATES FOR AWHILE.

The latest front in Republicans' anti-Clinton effort will launch on Tuesday morning, with the Republican National Committee's "Hillary's Hiding" campaign designed to highlight the former secretary of state's recent lack of straightforward political activity despite her presumed pre-candidate status.

The RNC's effort will include billboards in early-primary/caucus states such as Iowa, New Hampshire, and South Carolina, op-eds, and videos like the two-minute post it plans to unveil Tuesday featuring edited clips of President Barack Obama, Vice President Joe Biden, White House Press Secretary Josh Earnest, and Clinton, branding her candidacy as "#Obama’s 3rd term."

"What's the only way not to seem like she's campaigning?" asks RNC communications director Sean Spicer in the planned campaign kick-off memo. "Go into hiding."

*thatface*

Obviously, if Clinton were already campaigning, that would be wrong, too. Can't fucking win.

There's no better incentive to never listen to a goddamn thing that someone has to say than knowing they will attack you no matter what you do.

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In other news, here's another terrific story about Democrats who are organizing to draft Senator Elizabeth Warren, despite her repeated comments that she isn't running and doesn't want to run.