I Write Letters

[Content Note: Misogyny.]

Dear Men Who Email Me Demanding Personal Feminism 101 Education:


Unless you are a personal friend, or a long-time trusted Shaker who is emailing me like a human being asking me if I have time and inclination (and it's totally cool if I don't) to help him work through something about which he's already done a lot of thinking and listening, and wants some assistance connecting the last few dots, you are not welcome to email me asking for feminist education.

I do not do education on demand in this space, and I do not do education on demand via private email.

You don't own me.

You are not entitled to my time and talents and energy. I am not a resource that you can treat like a book to be pulled off the shelf and consumed at your convenience.

You are not even owed a response, and sending me a second email, after I have failed to respond to your first, scolding me for being a Bad Feminist and asking me how I expect men to learn if I don't provide education on demand and informing me of your disappointment in text walls riddled with misogynist slurs, does not help your cause.

It does, however, validate my decision to not engage with men who approach me as if they own me.

You don't own me.

Also? You don't fool me. You don't want to be educated; you want to argue. You want to ask me to justify my positions and you want to play Devil's Advocate and you want to give me a laundry list of exceptions. You want to use phrases like "misandry" and "female privilege," and you want to put up a fight and challenge me to win a debate in order that I might convince you.

You don't care about how draining and unfulfilling and pointless that is for me.

You don't understand that I am not convinced by your impassioned argument that it is my best interest to spend every last ounce of energy I have trying to convince individual men to get on board with feminism. My reserves could not be more futilely spent. I have no interest in investing a single modicum of energy trying to persuade men who treat feminism as a game, when I could invest my energy empowering other women to navigate a world filled with fucking clowns just like you.

And if you are the special shimmering unicorn who really does want an education, congratulations. Here's the Feminism 101 section. Enjoy.


Shakesville is run as a safe space. First-time commenters: Please read Shakesville's Commenting Policy and Feminism 101 Section before commenting. We also do lots of in-thread moderation, so we ask that everyone read the entirety of any thread before commenting, to ensure compliance with any in-thread moderation. Thank you.

blog comments powered by Disqus