The Parks and Rec Open Thread

image of April (Aubrey Plaza) bearing her teeth
"It's true I am passionate about animals—because I am half wolf."

(Spoilers are not thinking about how much it itches herein.)

Y'all, I'm just gonna come right out with it: I totes blubbed when April saved the say in the most clever way ever, and at the look of beaming pride on Leslie's face. SUCH A GREAT MOMENT! Yay! BUT THEN! OMG! When Leslie handed April her new nameplate, with "Deputy Director" on it, and April asked how she made it so fast, and Leslie says, "I had it made your first week here. I knew you'd be going places, so I wanted to be prepared."—all the blubs forever! THIS SHOW.

Dwyer shower! Down to clown! Hey, wild stallions! Let's scent up! Sawdust ear! Show these garbage people out! Mud and blood bath! Retro-jammed! Ron eating a banana! Do YOU know who Bill Gates is? Do you? He lives in Seattle and wears glasses. FYI. Other things!

Ron Swanson head bullet-point "OWW! You're fired! You're fired! The whole department is fired! OWW THIS HURTS! This was one of my running feet!"

Ron Swanson head bullet-point "Ron, you've been sweating in here all day! Are you drinking any fluids?" "Yes, plenty." *pours Scotch*

Ron Swanson head bullet-point "The man owns a Rolexus. It's a Lexus filled with Rolexes." "What's the point of that?" "TO HAVE IT! Which he does."

Ron Swanson head bullet-point "This whole place runs on dibs."

Ron Swanson head bullet-point "Do you exercise?" "Yes, lovemaking and woodworking." "Do you have any history of mental illness in your family?" "I have an uncle who does yoga." "Allergies?" "Cowardice and weak-willed men—and hazelnuts!" "Sexual history?" "Epic. And private."

Ron Swanson head bullet-point "HA HA HA HA. Ahhh, he's disgusting, but I want to take his money and give it to needy people, so I'm just gonna keep on smiiiiiliiiiing! Yayyyy!"

Ron Swanson head bullet-point RESUME: Orin.

Ron Swanson head bullet-point "I think you've got several options. They're all terrible, but you have them."

Ron Swanson head bullet-point "I think that guy wants to hunt me!"

Ron Swanson head bullet-point "Donna?!" "Gentlemen."

Ron Swanson head bullet-point "Do you have any experience with animals?" "A bat landed on my face once."

Ron Swanson head bullet-point "Even if I wanted the job, I don't wanna do the stupid confirmation hearing, okay? Stupid councilmen asking me stupid questions about my stupid life. It seems stupid." "No, it's easy! They'll just ask you a few questions! Let's practice: What's your name?" "Batman. See? I failed."

Ron Swanson head bullet-point "What's cholesterol?"


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