Joss Whedon for Mitt Romney (lulz)

Joss Whedon, writer and filmmaker, a white, middle-aged man, stands in his kitchen, speaking to the camera, while doing little kitchen tasks.

You know, like a lot of liberal Americans, I was excited when Barack Obama took office four years ago, but it's a very different world now—and Mitt Romney is a very different candidate: One with the vision and determination to cut through business-as-usual politics, and finally put this country back on the path to the zombie apocalypse.

Romney is ready to make the deep rollbacks in healthcare, education, social services, reproductive rights, that will guarantee poverty, unemployment, overpopulation, disease, rioting—all crucial elements in creating a nightmare zombie wasteland.

But it's his commitment to ungoverned, corporate privilege that will nosedive this economy into true insolvency and chaos—the kind of chaos you can't buy back. Money is only so much paper to the undead.

The one percent will no longer be the very rich; it'll be the very fast. Anyone who can run, fight, make explosives out of household objects, or especially do parkour of any kind—you'll wanna stick with them. Unless they read Ayn Rand.

Look, I don't pretend to see the future. No one knows for sure if they'll be the superfast 28 Days Later zombies, or the old-school shambling kind. But they'll be out there. And they'll need brains.

So, whether you're a small business man just trying to keep his doors open, a single mom so concerned for her son's welfare that she'll run to embrace him when he's clearly infected and going to bite her, or a strung-out ex-military type who's been out there too long and is taking the kind of damn fool chances that'll get us all killed, you need to ask yourself: Am I ready?

Am I ready for the purity and courage of Mitt Romney's apocalyptic vision? Mitt's ready. He's not afraid to face a ravenous, grasping horde of sub-humans—'cause that's how he sees poor people already.

Let's all embrace the future, stop pretending we care about each other, and start hoarding canned goods. Because if Mitt takes office, sooner or later, the Zomneys will come for all of us.

Image of Mitt Romney as a zombie on a campaign poster-like graphic, with "Zomney" done in the style of the Romney logo, followed by the slogan "He needs brains." A voiceover says: "Paid for by the committee to learn parkour, like really soon, like maybe take a class or something."

[back to Whedon in his kitchen, looking into a cabinet full of canned goods] Mmm, Spam has its own key.
[H/T to Shaker Elky.]

Shakesville is run as a safe space. First-time commenters: Please read Shakesville's Commenting Policy and Feminism 101 Section before commenting. We also do lots of in-thread moderation, so we ask that everyone read the entirety of any thread before commenting, to ensure compliance with any in-thread moderation. Thank you.

blog comments powered by Disqus