Ten years ago at about this time on this day, Iain and I were making our way to a courthouse in Illinois to get hitched.

image of Iain and I holding hands and looking at each other while a white female judge reads from papers she's holding

We'd known each other just over a year, and had spent less than two months total during that time in one another's company. We really only knew each other on holiday, without the stresses of work and bills. We also only knew each other under the duress of finite time. Because we were born in different countries, we had to get married to find out if we were as solid a couple as we thought we could be.

A decade later, we'd do it again.

For 99% of the time, my happiest place on earth is next to Iain, wherever we happen to be. For the other 1% of the time, it's stormily pouting in the furthest room from him in the house, lol.

That is to say: Our relationship is imperfect. Iain annoys the fuck out of me. I annoy the fuck out of him. We fight. We say regrettable things. But it's also immensely rewarding. Iain loves the fuck out of me. I love the fuck out of him. We laugh. We say lovely things.

No one can give me a compliment that feels so uniquely tailored, so genuine, as Iain can. I feel profoundly known, and, because he does not judge me, I feel comfortable in that knownness. I try to offer the same in return.

All of that sounds pretty boring, and is, but creating a space in which we can be flawed and also valued, vulnerable and also safe, is something we both needed and wanted, very much.

We got married with the hope and expectation that we would be good partners in building a home like that together, for each other. I am grateful every day that Iain put his trust in me, and I put my trust in him. Quite a gamble. Quite a jackpot.

To my best friend Iain: I love you with an overflowing heart. Thank you for building this life with me. Onward.


When Iain and I got married ten years ago, we promised never to take one another for granted, and never to take for granted that we were afforded the privilege of marriage only because we are of different sexes. If you are in the US, please take a moment today to contact your representative and write to your senators and ask them to support the Respect for Marriage Act.

[Related: News from Shakes Manor. Previously: Nine, Eight, Seven, Six, Five, Four, Three.]

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