Primarily Terrible

an image of Mitt Romney at CPAC, looking angry and pointing, with an image of him looking and angry and pointing on a large screen behind him
Angry Pointer of the Month, February 2012

Mitt Romney is BACK ON TOP, y'all! After a brief detour down Santorum Avenue on his journey to a big-time national concession speech, Romney won BOTH the Maine Caucus AND the all-important CPAC Straw Poll. Congratulations, Mitt Romney! You have been found to be the least barfiest by the most numbers of people in two more contests! GOOD FOR YOU!

Because there is no one who's better at stomping on sour grapes to make whine, Rick Santorum accused Romney of rigging the straw poll by paying the conference entry fee for supporters who attended just to vote for Romney. Romney's camp sorta-denied the allegation by calling Santorum a liar (whoooooooooops that is not really a denial!), but I say they should be demanding to know why Rick Santorum has a problem with FREE SPEECH! Is Rick Santorum suggesting that Mitt Romney should not be allowed to exercise his FREE SPEECH by giving FREE SPEECH to people so that they will come vote for him?! THIS IS A FREE COUNTRY! Except for elections! Which must be bought by the richest FREE SPEECHIFIERS! So shut up, Rick Santorum! You free speech hater!

Rick Perry Newt Gingrich is definitely still in the race! He has not dropped out yet!

Not to be outdone by Rick Santorum, Ron Paul, who was putting all his eggs in Maine's basket, did a little whining of his own about the Maine Caucus results: "Rep. Ron Paul is not conceding the GOP's Maine caucuses, which state party officials and major networks called Saturday for rival Mitt Romney. With 84% of precincts reporting, Romney has 39% to Paul's 36%, and Maine GOP Chairman Charlie Webster declared Romney the winner Saturday night, following a week-long series of caucuses. But in Washington County, where Paul had expected to perform well, the caucus was postponed until Feb. 18 due to an unexpected snowstorm."

"Yeah, well, it shouldn't have been TOO unexpected."—Mother Nature. Who is pro-choice, FYI.

Ron Paul was so enraged, he reportedly destroyed at least two hundred balloons in a Hulkian rampage.

Ron Paul kicks red and blue balloons onstage

Just kidding! Of course Ron Paul didn't really destroy 200 balloons. It was more like a million.

Next Stops: Arizona and Michigan!

Talk about these things! Or don't. Whatever makes you happy. Life is short.

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